


Into The Abyss

by Elveny, Kunstpause



Series: Precipice of Change [3]
Category: Dragon Age (Video Games), Dragon Age - All Media Types, Dragon Age II
Genre: ... or more? Who knows?, AND NEW RELATIONSHIPS, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Anders & Fenris (Dragon Age) Friendship, Anders Positive, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Canon-Typical Violence, Cullen Rutherford Positive, Dragon Age Lore, Established Relationship, F/F, F/M, Fenris positive, Finally, Friendship, Gen, Heavy Angst, Kinky Cullen Rutherford, Kinky Fenris (Dragon Age), Lore Exploration, Love, Mage-Templar Dynamics (Dragon Age), Mages and Templars, Multi, Polyamory, Romance, Smut, The trilogy comes to an end, but not without fire and blood, honestly everyone gets the love they deserve, the pining will come to an end, the redemption arc Cullen deserved, two main characters
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-09-07
Updated: 2021-03-05
Packaged: 2021-03-06 22:48:09
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 26
Words: 182,797
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26336680
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Elveny/pseuds/Elveny, https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kunstpause/pseuds/Kunstpause
Summary: After the fight against the Arishok, both Cassia and Adriene have been named Champion of Kirkwall. But what good is that title if it gains you nothing? With the secret of Cassia's magic out, the Hawke twins have to play every card in their hand to keep her safe even while officially being part of the Circle. The Viscount's death enabled Meredith to make a coordinated grab for power.... and soon, they realize they are fighting an uphill battle with time being against them.
Relationships: Anders & Fenris (Dragon Age), Anders/Female Hawke, Cullen & Anders, Female Hawke/Cullen Rutherford, Female Hawke/Isabela, Fenris & Cullen Rutherford, Fenris/Female Hawke, Fenris/Female Hawke/Isabela
Series: Precipice of Change [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1402660
Comments: 92
Kudos: 38





	1. An Ocean Of Sorrow

**Author's Note:**

> We are finally back with our third and last installment of our Dragon Age 2 series. Thank you so much for accompanying us and our characters on this journey! ❤ This part will have finally see the long-time pining of several characters come to fruition, so expect some steamy moments amongst the drama - not to say that Cullen and Cassia have settled down ;) So stay tuned!!
> 
> Thank you to our amazing and wonderful betas [CuriousThimble](https://archiveofourown.org/users/CuriousThimble) and [Anthropasaurus](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Anthropasaurus) \- your input continues to be invaluable and makes this story what it is!! ❤
> 
> If you are interested in Deleted Scenes and remnants from our first (and second and third) version of this story, head over to our [Tumblr](https://intothedragonverse.tumblr.com) or our [Cut From The Same Cloth](https://archiveofourown.org/series/1672684) series.
> 
> Updates on Mondays and Fridays.

“Fenris?”

Orana’s soft voice came from behind him, and Fenris looked away from the window. He had stationed himself so he could watch the street from inside, warn Orana in time in case someone came for Maia. When he had come here the night before, she had greeted him with a wild look and a knife in her hands, clearly ready to defend the child in her care to the last. He had told her everything that had happened, but to her credit, she had taken it more calmly than he would have expected. ‘Lady Cassia had warned me that something like this could happen,’ Orana had said, sorrow in her voice. ‘Not the Qunari attack, of course, but… the templars.’ She had silently stood watch with him throughout the rest of the night.

“Yes?” he asked.

“I brought you some food.” Orana placed a full plate before him, smiling shyly at his murmured thanks, and took a look out of the window. There were still people hurrying by, but over the course of the morning, they had become fewer and fewer. More important though was the lack of fear in their faces. “It looks like things have quieted down,” she remarked while he ate.

Fenris nodded. “They did more damage in Lowtown.” When he saw the shadow falling over her face, he added in a try to reassure her, “We managed to hold them off the alienage. Your home should be safe.”

She didn’t seem quite convinced but gave him a grateful look nonetheless. “I am going to put Maia down for a nap, she didn’t sleep well last night,” she said. “Would it be alright if I lay down with her? I’m not comfortable with leaving her alone.”

“Of course,” Fenris said immediately. He could see that she was just as tired as he was. Neither of them had slept the night before, tensely holding watch and perking up at every rattle of armor from someone outside. “I will stay until Cullen comes home.”

“Thank you.” Orana gave him a smile, then she picked Maia up who quietly played in the back of the room and took her out to put her to bed.

Fenris finished the rest of the food and brought the plate back into the kitchen before he returned to his post, stretching as he did so. Noon was already approaching, and he doubted that the worst would still come to pass. If someone had wanted to take Maia, they would have tried so already. But he intended to keep his promise, even though the exhaustion lay heavily on his limbs. Keeping long watches had been a regular part of his duties as a bodyguard for Danarius, so it was nothing that would normally faze him. But with the fight of the night before and his injury on top of it, he slowly reached his limits.

Still, as soon as Cullen — or even better, Cullen _and_ Cassia — came home, he would check on Adriene before going to find some rest. Her injury had been worse than his, and he had no illusions about how it would have gone had it not been for Anders. The picture of how the Arishok had impaled her was still seared in his mind. Every time he thought back to it, he felt the shock and utter horror go through him again, the ice-cold fear paralyzing him when for an endless, brutal second he had been sure that they had lost her. That _he_ had lost her. And then the overwhelming relief as she had stood victorious over the Arishok’s dead body despite the blood dripping from her hands.

But at least he didn’t have to worry about her now. He knew that she had been cared for, that she was safely home, and even without talking to him, Fenris also knew that Anders had done his utmost to heal her.

Cassia on the other hand… Fenris still couldn’t shake the apprehension inside him at the thought of what would happen now. If he would even see her, his best friend, ever again. During the horrible minutes of Adriene’s fight with the Arishok, Anders had given them all a quick assurance that they were prepared for this situation, that Cassia had a plan that would — if it worked — not only keep her from being imprisoned or, worse, made tranquil, but might even ensure her freedom. _If_ it worked.

If.

Such a little word with so much weight.

Fenris rubbed a hand over his eyes, realizing that he had stared outside without seeing anything, lost in his thoughts. With a groan, he stood up again, rolling his shoulders and shaking his arms as he walked a few times up and down the room to wake himself up again. His shoulder was still sore, but it got better with every hour, and he made a few tentative swings with his sword. 

Just at that moment, he heard a knock at the door.

He had his sword ready, just in case, when he went to open it, even though the lack of force behind the knock told him that this was more than likely not a templar squad coming to take Maia away. It was Isabela.

“Hi handsome,” she smiled up at him.

Fenris raised his eyebrows. “Since when do you knock?” he asked, and Bela chuckled. There was an ongoing competition between her and Adriene who could pick the Rutherfords’ locks more often and without being detected. 

“I knew you were keeping watch, silly. I thought it better not to be run through by your sword just to prove a point.”

“Hm,” Fenris grunted and stood aside to let her in.

“I wanted to check on you before I go back to Adriene,” she explained as she walked past him towards the living room. “I went through what feels like the whole of Kirkwall twice to notify our network after Anders and I brought her home. I just checked on the last safehouse, then stopped by Anders’ clinic and tried to get him to take a break. Of course he went there after healing Adriene.” Shaking her head, she added, “He wouldn’t have it, of course. It calmed down, but there are still a lot of people needing help. I’m just glad he has those two other healers who take care of everyone who doesn’t need his magic, otherwise he’d probably already fallen over.”

Looking around the room, she asked, “Where are Maia and Orana?”

“Taking a nap. Orana stood watch with me the whole night, and Maia was cranky the whole morning. Missing her parents, I suppose,” he explained. As he listened to her, he couldn’t help but notice the lack of overly suggestive flirting Isabela was so prone to adopt. She seemed subdued, somehow. But then, it had been a long night for all of them.

“Probably, yes,” Isabela nodded. “Poor sweetheart.” A shadow fell over her face, and she sat down on the couch. “What do you think happened?”

Fenris shook his head slowly. “I don’t know. I would have thought they’d be back by now. Or at least one of them,” he added grimly.

At his words, Bela hunched her shoulders up, a look of utter guilt on her face. “Shit,” she murmured.

A tense pause fell, but she didn’t look up at him. Eventually, Fenris said carefully, “Bela, you know that what happened to Cassia is not on you, right? What happened would have happened with or without you. You heard Anders.”

While they had waited for the duel between Adriene and the Arishok, Anders had explained in curt words about the desperate situation which forced Cassia to go on the offensive and would have led to her revealing her magic to Meredith even without the Qunari.

“Yeah. Still. Everything else…” Isabela stood up and walked through the room, aimlessly touching this and that before she turned back to Fenris. “Do you think she’ll forgive me?”

For a second, he didn’t know what she meant. “Who?”

Isabela made an impatient gesture. “Adriene. For running.”

Fenris sighed, crossing his arms before his chest. “Of course she will. You came back, didn’t you?” The pure relief that had held nothing of anger on Adriene’s face when Bela had come in was still clearly on his mind. And he knew Adriene well enough to know the softness inside her. “And if you hadn’t, she’d have found some way of blaming herself for it.”

A joyless smile flickered over Isabela’s lips. “True,” she murmured. After a pause, she looked up at him, her lower lip between her teeth. “And you?”

Something in her eyes tugged at his heart, waking an ache he rarely admitted to himself. He quickly cleared his throat. “Well, I won’t lie and pretend I was thrilled about the whole thing,” he said somewhat gruffly. “But with everything else, it hardly seems to matter.” After a tiny moment of hesitation, he added, “Right now, I’m just glad you’re back.”

The way her whole face lit up in relief made his heart stumble for a beat. “Good. And I’m not asking you to be thrilled,” she grinned, back to her usual self as if a veil had been torn away. “I can always do something to make it up to you,” she added, a suggestive twinkle in her eyes.

Fenris chuckled, but before he could answer, a frantic knock came from the door. Startled, they looked up, then the grim decidedness came back onto Fenris’ face.

“I’ll get it,” he murmured, already walking towards the door when it knocked again.

It was Anders, looking completely exhausted but at the same time agitated to the point of being distraught.

Fenris raised his eyebrows in surprise. Anders was the last person he had anticipated to come here after last night. “An—”

“Is Adriene here?” Anders interrupted him immediately.

Fenris blinked, completely confused. “No, she’s not. Shouldn’t she be in bed?”

Anders nodded. “Yes! But she’s not.”

Fenris looked over to the door behind which he knew Maia and Orana were sleeping and took Anders’ arm, nudging him towards the living room so as not to disturb them.

“Come on, Isabela is here as well. Tell us what happened,” he said in an attempt to calm Anders down.

Isabela perked up as they came in. “Anders? Why aren’t you sleeping?”

Anders barely stopped to give her a nod as a greeting. “I was going to,” he answered, “but when I came home just now, the house was completely empty.”

“What?” Isabela asked, a frown on her face.

Anders nodded. “I told Adriene not to move and find some rest when I left her last night, but she’s not in her room!” He looked at Fenris in worried agitation. “I had hoped she might have come here.”

Fenris shook his head. “She didn’t,” he said, the worry in his voice matching his. He felt somewhat overwhelmed by the onslaught of news after the slow, quiet night and morning. 

“But where else could she have gone?” Anders started to pace, raking a hand through his hair. “After what happened last night, I would have been surprised if she made it here, but if she’s not here…”

Isabela was about to answer, but something outside caught her eye and she perked up as she looked out the window. “Cullen’s back,” she said.

Immediately, Fenris hurried into the hallway, opening the door for him. His friend looked horrible. There were dark circles under his red-rimmed eyes, betraying his exhaustion, worry lining his features. 

“Cullen,” he exclaimed, clasping his lower arm and pulling him into a short, heartfelt embrace. 

“Fenris,” Cullen said tonelessly as they let go again. “Good. I wasn’t sure you’d still be here. Where is Maia?”

“She’s sleeping, Orana is with her,” Fenris assured him, and Cullen nodded relieved. “Isabela and Anders are here, too.”

As if summoned, Isabela appeared in the door. “Yes, I’m here too. What happened? Where is Cassia?”

At the mention of Cassia’s name, a look of utter pain came onto Cullen’s face, and Fenris paled. _Maker, no._

Cullen saw the expression in Fenris’ face and quickly shook his head. “It’s not what you think, she’s… she’s undergoing her Harrowing right now. I am not allowed to be there.”

Fenris put his hand on Cullen’s shoulder, exchanging a grim look with Isabela as they brought Cullen into the living room. Anders already awaited them with a worried look.

“The Harrowing?” he asked, and Cullen nodded.

“But that’s a good thing, isn’t it?” Fenris asked. “If they let her undertake the Harrowing, she’s not…”

He trailed off, but Cullen understood what he wanted to say. He gave another short nod. “Meredith bought it, yes, she bought it all. Cassia was… impressive. I knew she was prepared, but I had no idea how excessive and thorough she was. I hear the paperwork was in large parts to your help, Isabela, so… thank you.”

“Don’t mention it,” Isabela murmured. “Really, don’t, the fewer people know, the better.”

Cullen barely acknowledged her words as he sank down onto a chair, burying his face in his hands for a moment. Eventually, he took a deep breath, muttering, “It would have worked to the last detail, were it not…”

Suddenly, he broke off, and to Fenris’ dismay, there was a muffled sob in his voice. Isabela and he looked at each other in shock, and she quickly pulled a chair next to Cullen, carefully laying a soothing hand on his arm. Cullen had himself under control again in the next moment, wiping a hand over his face.

“Were it not for what?” Isabela asked anxiously.

“It’s… Adriene,” Cullen said tonelessly.

A jolt went through Fenris at that, but before Cullen could continue, Anders interrupted him, “Adriene?! Please don’t tell me she tried to get to the Gallows in her condition.”

“No.” Cullen shook his head, and a dark, horrified feeling rose in Fenris as he saw the pained expression in his eyes, the shimmer of tears. Cullen took a deep breath, closing his eyes for a moment, a hard line appearing at his mouth.

Fenris felt all feeling leave his body at the expression in Cullen’s eyes when he looked up again. He feared what was coming, he _knew_ , but he didn’t want to hear it. No. _No, no, no!_ But Cullen still continued, and he couldn’t shut the words out.

Cullen looked from one to the other, and his voice was strangely hollow as he said, “Adriene is dead.”

The silence that lay itself over the room was deafening, heavy. Fenris stared at Cullen, unable to process the words. _No._

A desperate laugh that sounded utterly wrong fell from Isabela’s lips. “You’re really bad at jokes, Cullen,” she said, but there was a slight quiver to her voice that cut deep into Fenris’ heart. When he looked at her, she put her hand onto his arm and pressed it as if she wanted to make him say it, too. It was a joke, it had to be a joke, right?

But Fenris couldn’t even try to pretend. His eyes met Anders’ who looked somewhat hollow, his eyes empty. Fenris remembered that he had looked similarly after Karl.

“What happened?” he asked, turning back to Cullen, his voice coming from far away.

Cullen splayed his hands out in a helpless gesture and got up again, looking from one to the other with pain in his eyes. “The plan worked,” he repeated what he had told them before. “Cassia had everything prepared, an argument and answer for every question, every doubt. And just when everything seemed to fall into place, Oswald came with the letter.”

He paused to find his composure, his voice thick with emotion. Fenris found himself unable to move, to formulate a question.

“What letter?” Anders asked instead, his voice strangely stilted.

Cullen looked at Anders. “Do you remember the mages from Starkhaven that Cassia convinced to give themselves up into the Circle a few years ago?”

“I remember,” Anders said stiffly after a heavy pause.

“Weren’t they the ones with a blood mage as a leader?” Isabela asked in a hard voice. Anders nodded.

“They wanted revenge,” Cullen told them. “For Cassia not being in the Circle while they were incarcerated here.”

A low groan came from Anders as if he would be sick any moment, and Isabela grabbed Fenris’ arm, holding on so tight as to the point of pain. He didn’t care, his only focus on Cullen.

“They banded together with a templar and abducted Adriene. There was a letter, telling Cassia to come to try and free her sister.” He took in a shuddering breath. “An obvious trap. Cassia still went. The Knight-Commander saw it as an excellent opportunity to prove her loyalty; killing a bunch of blood mages. She sent Oswald with her. I had to stay behind.”

Cullen looked to the side, swallowing heavily as he balled his hand to a fist. Fenris had a good idea of what he thought. _If only._

“She found them,” Cullen continued after only a second, his voice strained as if he had to force every word out. “She found the mages, the templar, and Adriene. But… it was too late. They killed her in front of Cassia’s eyes.” 

Fenris was unable to move, eyes fixed on Cullen. _No._

“You’re wrong,” he said. Or rather, tried to say. He wasn’t sure if what came from his lips was actually words.

Cullen seemed to have understood him anyway. “Cassia saw it happen.” His voice was a thick whisper, full of grief. “She’s gone.”

Something closed around Fenris’ throat, and when he tried to breathe, the air seemed too thick, like sap stuck in his mouth. For a long moment, he just stood utterly still, unable to move. Maybe if he didn’t move time would stop too, would show him a way out.

_This couldn’t be. She couldn’t be gone. She was supposed to be_ safe!

For a split second, he saw her in front of his eyes. The twinkle in her eyes as she looked up at him, the smile that never stopped sending shivers down his spine. Her laughter. The dark waves of hair spilling over her shoulders. The curve of her neck as she bared it for him. The pain in her eyes as he walked away from her. The hesitant hope and lingering touches when they couldn’t stay away from each other.

_Maker, what had he done?_

He had reached for something he couldn’t hope to keep, had allowed it to grow in his heart… and now she was gone.

_Gone._

Despair, black as the deepest part of the night and thick as tar rose in him, spilling into every cell of his being, and a groan wrung itself from his throat. Fenris had no idea how to deal with the all-consuming pain that threatened to swallow him. He wanted to scream, to argue, to kill something. Anything. 

He felt Cullen’s hands on his arms, saw him say something, something about bringing her home, but he felt unable to react. She was supposed to _be_ home. She was supposed to be still here.

Before he could even try to find something to say, though, an ominous light started to fill the room, a light he knew only too well. It was like a current running through the air, the hairs on Fenris’ arms raising.

Then, everything happened at once.

_“This is your fault, templar!”_ Justice’s voice boomed through them, a rage so sharp it felt like the words themselves cut into his skin.

Fenris saw Cullen’s eyes widening in sudden horror as he looked at Anders, no, at _Justice_ , his hand already reaching for his sword as he took a few hasty steps backward.

_“Were it not for your Circles, none of this would have happened!”_ Justice bellowed. Anders’ eyes glowed with white fire, pure magic running over his skin that seemed to make him even taller than he already was. _“You pitch mages against each other, torture them until they break, and then punish them for it.”_

Fenris reacted without thinking. He had lost one beloved person already, he would not lose another. His tattoos flared brightly as he stepped between Cullen and Justice, grabbing the latter by his robe before he could charge at Cullen.

“Stop it! He’s on our side, remember?!” he growled, but Justice didn’t seem to hear him. When exactly had protecting a demon-slash-spirit from a templar become _his_ side? Fenris asked himself, but the thought was quickly followed by something like resigned acceptance. Somewhere along the line, he had stopped seeing his friends as mages first, and everything afterward had only been a matter of time. 

“Abomination,” Cullen hissed, blue flames running down the blade of his sword.

_“You would call me abomination?!”_ Justice roared, and for a second, Fenris feared that for all his strength, it would not suffice to hold them apart. _“Have you been taught nothing, templar?!”_

“Not an abomination,” Fenris declared in a voice that was more steadfast than he had feared, daring a short look at Cullen. “A spirit of Justice.”

“What?” Cullen managed, his voice full of disbelief. Still, his sword was alight in blue flames, ready for a Holy Smite, his whole body poised for an attack. But he was not attacking — not yet.

_“I will see this world rid of the injustices and pain your order inflicts!”_ Justice’s magic flared up, but before anyone could do something, Isabela’s sharp voice cut through the air.

“Oh, will you shut up! BOTH OF YOU!” She looked from Justice to Cullen with a wild, desperate look in her tear-filled eyes. Turning to Cullen, she added, “Do you really think Anders of all people would fall prey to a demon? And none of us would notice?”

Isabela obviously didn’t care for his answer for she took a quick step to Justice, slapping her hand against his chest. “And you! Do you want to kill Anders? Is that it? Because that’s how you get him killed!”

_“I will not be silent when—”_ Justice started again, but Isabela would not have it.

“SHUT! UP!” Using both her hands, she shoved at Justice, making him stumble a step backward. “Do you really think this is the moment for your blighted ideals?” she yelled. “Now?! When Adriene is...”

She didn’t finish the sentence, a choked-up sound breaking her voice.

Fenris had never thought it was possible for Justice to be flabbergasted, but it seemed like Isabela had managed it. But it only held for a second, then Justice’s magic flared up again.

_“He is a templar!”_ Justice raged, and despite the knowledge that this was Anders, his _friend_ , Fenris was barely able to keep himself from instinctively attacking as the magic seemed to fill every inch of the room. Fenris’ breath came in sharp bursts, but he held fast, even as Justice continued, _“They are the ones responsible for her death, for all their deaths!”_

“You’re right.”

The words dropped like a stone into water, sending cool ripples through the fire that was Justice’s magic.

“You’re right,” Cullen repeated, his voice dark with emotion. The flames on his sword sputtered and died, and he stood more upright, coming out of his attack stance. “It is our fault.”

Justice blinked, clearly surprised. Then, as if letting out a long-held breath, Anders was back, and all the tension in the room evaporated at once. Fenris breathed a shuddering sigh of relief. For a long moment, nobody said anything, the silence between them nearly tangible after the outburst.

“I… I’m sorry,” Anders stammered into the silence, his voice broken as he covered his eyes with one hand. “I’m sorry.”

The half-hidden sob that wrung from Anders’ throat tore into Fenris’ last bit of self-restraint. The hand that had just been raised, half to keep the fight from even breaking out, half ready to tear Justice apart, sank down, grabbing Anders’ arm and holding tight, their shared pain forging a connection between them he had never thought possible.

“Are you done?” Isabela asked sharply after a moment. Her voice was angry, her hands balled to fists.

“Isabela…” Cullen started quietly, but she shook her head, evading him as he tried to lay a hand on her arm.

“Don’t touch me!” she hissed and started for the door. “Let’s just go and find her.”

The men exchanged a look, but Isabela didn’t wait for them, already storming outside. Orana had woken from the commotion and just came out of the room when they were about to leave. Cullen only told her that they would be back as quickly as possible and that he would tell her everything in detail later before he followed the others out of the house.

While Cullen closed the door, Anders said gravely, “I assume you expect an explanation.” His eyes flickered for a moment to the flaming sword on Cullen’s breastplate.

Cullen nodded. “I’d appreciate it.” He seemed to want to say more but decided against it. Instead, he just added, “But we can do that on the way to the Wounded Coast. I know where… where she is.” Taking a breath that sounded somewhat unsteady, he said, “From what I know, it will not be a pretty sight.”

Fenris pressed his lips together as a renewed wave of pain went through him at the thought that Cassia had to go through all of this ordeal alone after witnessing the death of Adriene. For a second, he closed his eyes, biting back tears, then he nodded. “Alright. Then let’s be quick about it.”

As they made their way to the Wounded Coast, Fenris and Isabela listened in silence to Anders’ stilted explanations of who and what Justice was. He could see in the careful distance Anders kept between him and Cullen that despite the respect and even friendship they had built over the years, Anders was far from sure about Cullen’s reaction to that information.

“I don’t blame you for keeping this from me,” Cullen eventually said somewhat stilted. “To be honest, I’m still not sure what to think about it.” He let out a heavy sigh. “But you’re obviously still yourself. And ‘Justice’... I’ve never heard of a justice demon, so… I guess we’ll leave it at that.”

A few more steps along the weathered path to the labyrinth of caves in the Wounded Coast.

“Thank you,” Anders said quietly.

“You know, it shouldn’t be normal to thank a friend for not killing you,” Isabela interjected, her voice cutting. “Even I know that.”

An uncomfortable silence fell, and Cullen and Anders exchanged a look.

“You’re… not wrong,” Cullen eventually admitted, a grim line to his mouth. He shook his head. “To be completely fair, a part of me is too exhausted to care about anything, really. I just want to see this day through.” A bit more silently, he added, “I just want Cassia home.”

They walked the rest of the way in silence until Cullen gave them a signal and drew his sword. In quiet understanding, the others readied their weapons as well, following his lead as he walked into the cave. Where blood mages had died, there was always the threat of evil surprises as they all knew only too well. 

Silence hung thick as fog between the dark walls of the cave. Beneath the cool salty breeze from the sea lay a dull, metallic taste that got worse the deeper they went in. Fenris’ fingers closed more tightly around his sword as he recognized it. Blood.

The first body lay close to the entrance of the cave. A young woman in mage robes with a terrible gash over her back. From the trail of blood behind her, she had tried to drag herself out of the cave before succumbing to her wound.

A grim look was on all their faces as they ventured further in without speaking. Another mage lay in a bloody heap, dead eyes staring at the ceiling. There was still a look of panic on his face. Not far from him, a templar had been nearly decapitated — but not from a sword, the ragged edges of his torn throat speaking of something harsh and round. Like a stone cone.

_Or ice,_ shot through Fenris’ head. Cassia.

Puddles of blood were strewn all across the sand, bits of flesh and ichor laying in them. Something had been shattered. Or someone.

He swallowed hard, a soft glow in his tattoos, then he tore his eyes off the ground. Somewhere in here had to be Adriene.

“I think the one abomination has been dealt with,” murmured Cullen darkly, nudging a somewhat deformed piece of flesh with his foot and sheathed his sword.

A bit reluctantly, Fenris sheathed his weapon as well. He saw Isabela follow suit while Anders still held tightly onto his staff, his knuckles white as he looked over the massacre.

“Please help.”

They all started at the sudden voice cutting through the deadly silence in the cave. It came from a bit further in, towards the back of the cave. There was barely any strength in it, and when Fenris could finally make out the hunched-over figure leaning against the wall, he saw why. The mage was ashen, a bloody hand pressed on his stomach. And next to him…

“Adriene.” Fenris’ voice was barely more than a whisper. He acted before he could think twice, crossing the small distance in a second and falling to his knees next to her. “Adriene…”

From the corner of his eyes, he saw Isabela follow him but stop abruptly a few steps apart, staring at Adriene.

She lay completely still, looking as if she was sleeping peacefully. A deadly pallor was on her skin, a bloody strand of hair horribly dark against her cheek. Her lower lip was split and swollen, a deep cut crossing her cheekbone where someone had backhanded her. Her tunic was so blood-soaked it was nearly black, clinging to her skin where it was not torn. Underneath it, he could see dozens of cuts covering her body and bruises of all shades and forms. There was the horrible wound the Arishok’s sword had inflicted, healed and seemingly torn half open again, and not far from it, another stab wound, raw and red, still crusted with blood.

Fenris’ hands were trembling as he reached for her, his throat closed and burning with unshed tears.

An only too-familiar surge went through him as he tried to touch her, and with a sharp hiss, Fenris pulled his hands back as if he had been burned. _Magic._ There was magic all around her.

“Help us,” the mage next to him pleaded, and his head snapped up.

Immediately, he saw the deep cut on his arm, the bloody knife lying next to him.

“What have you done to her, blood mage?!” he growled, his tattoos already alight.

Now, the others were next to him, and the mage’s eyes widened as they fixed on Cullen who had his sword in his hand again, pointing it at him. The mage seemed to try and hold up his hands in a pleading gesture but was too weak to do it. 

“Please don’t kill me!” he begged, tears running over his face. “Please, Knight-Captain, I only wanted to save her, she was dying and I had no power left, please, I, I had to do something…” His eyes flickered in panic between the people before him. “Please…”

Fenris barely dared to breathe as the words sank in. _Save her._ A sudden wild hope flickered through him as he turned back to Adriene. Isabela fell on her knees next to him, giving him a pleading, wide-eyed look.

“Is she really…?” she whispered, her voice barely audible, but her hands trembled and she pulled them back again before she touched Adriene.

Fenris ignored the sting of magic against his skin as he pulled Adriene into his arms. She did not react in the least, and as he cradled her face with his hand, he could not feel even the faintest wisp of breath. But there was no deadly stiffness either, and a hint of warmth in her skin.

“Anders,” he managed to bring over his lips, plea and question in one word. 

Anders’ face was little more than a mask of concentration and barely contained composure as he put out his hand over Adriene. For a second, his hands flamed alight with healing magic, but it was gone as quickly as it had started.

“I can’t reach her,” he murmured. “There is some… barrier.”

Meanwhile, Cullen knelt next to the mage who still stared in outright fear at him. His sword lay next to him, ready to be taken with one movement. Then, he pulled a health potion from his belt and gave it to the mage. When he saw that the young man had problems to even pull the cork from it with his shaking hands, he did it himself and helped him drink the whole of it.

A shudder went through the mage and he gritted his teeth, but after just a moment, he let out a breath, muttering thanks. 

“What’s your name?” Cullen asked sternly, authority in his voice.

“A-Alain, Knight-Captain,” the mage stuttered, his eyes wide.

Cullen nodded. “Tell us what happened, Alain.” It could have been encouraging, but the way he spoke did not leave room for disobedience.

“I didn’t know what would happen, Knight-Captain, I swear,” Alain said, his voice shaking. “None of us did. Grace said she had a plan, and that we would buy our freedom with a hostage, but she wasn’t supposed to be hurt. I swear.”

Cullen looked towards Adriene, and his eyes darkened. “I find that hard to believe,” he said from between clenched teeth.

“She was fine when we brought her here — weak, but from what I saw, unhurt. I swear!!” the mage declared. “This was… This was Grace’s doing! And Ser Linus. She sent us out to scout and wait for the… for her sister, for Cassia, and when we came back… she was… she… they had tortured her.” He had to swallow before he could continue. “We didn’t know! That was not the plan, I swear!” The panic was still in his voice.

While Alain spoke, Anders took Adriene’s arm, trying to find a pulse. The next moment, he shook his head, a grim look on his face, and felt her throat.

“Anders, please,” Isabela whispered.

Fenris held his breath as Anders closed his eyes and became very still. It took only a second, then Anders’ eyes flew open again.

“She’s alive,” he whispered, a wild joy in his gaze. “Barely, but she’s alive.” Straightening, he looked to Cullen. “She’s alive!” he said again as if he could never stop saying it.

It took all Fenris had not to break down right then and there. The relief and overwhelming joy running through him were nearly too much to bear as a part of his world he had deemed irreparably shattered reassembled itself. Wordlessly, he pulled Adriene closer against his chest, holding her as tightly as he dared. Isabela unceremoniously wrapped her arms around them both. He thought he heard her mumble some thanks through tears.

Alain’s eyes flickered from Cullen to them, and he nearly stumbled over his next words as he said, “It was then that we understood that Grace had only ever wanted revenge, that it wasn’t about our freedom at all. She wanted to kill the… the mage, the new Champion. Cassia.” Utter fury flickered over Cullen’s face at these words, but for once, Alain didn’t seem to notice, gesturing towards Adriene. “And she had promised Adriene to Ser Linus in return, that’s why he was still with us, he wanted to keep her for himself, to…” A look of utter disgust and distress came over his face. “We tried to argue, we fought, but it was too late. Cassia was already here. She tried to talk, but Grace was beyond reason. And Adriene... Grace stabbed her when the templars came, and all demons broke loose.” He took a deep breath. “Cassia killed Grace, and she turned into an abomination. Maker, it all happened so fast.” 

Cullen laid his hand on Alain’s shoulder, tightened his grip. “Then make it fast as well,” he said sharply, and Alain nodded hastily.

“Cassia wanted to help her sister, but Ser Oswald held her back,” he told them. “He made her kill the abomination and Ser Linus, and… we gave up. Tara, Paul, and I, we surrendered.”

Cullen’s eyes darkened. “You surrendered?”

“Yes, Knight-Captain,” Alain nodded unhappily. “We surrendered. But… it didn’t matter. Ser Oswald gave the killing order.” More tears ran down his face. “When Cassia refused, he ordered his men to do it. Then… It’s hazy. I thought I would die. Nearly did. Cassia tried to reach her sister, wanted to… heal, I think, but they smited her. Several times. And dragged her out.”

Anders carefully took Isabela by the shoulders, pulling her a bit away from where she was wrapped around Fenris, murmuring, “We need to get Adriene home as quickly as possible.”

Bela looked at him and nodded in understanding. Anders stood and came to Alain, kneeling down next to him. Again, his hands lit up with magic, and a look of astonishment, then gratefulness came on Alain’s face as Anders started to heal him.

“You’re the healer,” Alain whispered, his eyes wide. “The apostate healer, the one with the underground. You’re a legend in the Circle.”

Anders just shook his head. “I’m no legend,” he said dismissively. “I’m just trying to do the right thing.”

Alain’s eyes flickered back to Cullen. “And you’re working with the Knight-Captain?” Disbelief colored his voice. “I never would have believed that you…” He trailed off, seemingly embarrassed.

Cullen just snorted. “That’s the idea,” he murmured. He looked to where Isabela helped Fenris get up with Adriene in his arms, then his eyes came back to the deep cut on Alain’s arm. “Explain this.”

Alain swallowed hard. “I waited until they were all gone. Then I did what I could. Stopped my bleeding, then I dragged myself to her. Tried to heal what I could. But I… I’m not that powerful. We both knew that all I had done was buy us time.” Again, his eyes shimmered with tears. “She said I shouldn’t have bothered with her, should have healed myself and left her.”

“You spoke to her?” Isabela asked sharply. She had smoothed a hand over Adriene’s hair, but now she looked at Alain. He nodded.

“We talked for… hours. To keep each other conscious. She held my hand, said it wasn’t my fault.” A wet snivel, and he wiped the sleeve of his robe over his nose. “It worked for a while, but eventually… she faded. I didn’t want to give up, not after… it wasn’t her fault, you know? It wasn’t how this was supposed to go. None of this was.” He broke off, shaking his head in dismay before he continued. “But I had nothing left. There was barely any magic left in me. I needed… more.” He took a deep breath. “So I took the knife and…”

“Couldn’t you have just healed her with your new-found power?” Fenris found himself asking, his voice cutting. “What did you do?”

“You cannot heal with blood magic,” Anders said calmly. He stood up, pulling Alain with him. The young mage flinched, but relief was written all over his face, even if he was still pale. Apparently, Anders had healed the worst of his injuries.

“Blood magic draws from a destructive process. You can create external things or sow destruction with it, but you cannot heal a body with blood magic,” Anders explained.

Alain nodded unhappily. “All I could do was keep her here. It’s a… sort of stasis, I guess. I had seen Grace do it before.” He turned back to Cullen. “Knight-Captain, I swear, I haven’t done any blood magic ever before, and I don’t plan on using it again. I was just trying to help.” He swallowed again. “Please, don’t kill me.”

Cullen let out a deep breath, rubbing a hand over his forehead. Then he shook his head. “I’m not going to.” Looking at Adriene in Fenris’ arms, he added somewhat darkly, “We still need you to dispel that magical field, after all. I fear my abilities would wreak too much havoc.”

“Nobody’s going to dispel this,” Anders cut in quickly. “Not before we have her back home. This magic is the only thing keeping her alive right now. And Maker knows how long it’ll still hold. But I cannot hope to help her here. I’ll need lyrium and lots of it.”

“Then what are we waiting for?” Fenris asked, already turning towards the entrance, Isabela right next to him. “Let’s go!”

Alain hesitated. “I don’t…”

Cullen grabbed his arm, now clearly losing his patience. “You’re not going back to the Circle,” he said, pulling him along for a few steps before he let go again. “The city is still in chaos after the Qunari attack, it’ll be an easy thing to smuggle you out once you’re healed.” A harsh line was around his mouth as his eyes swept over the bloody bodies on the ground. “This whole thing will have consequences,” he muttered with barely contained fury in his eyes.

Fenris barely listened, his whole attention focused on Adriene as he carried her out of the cave and towards Kirkwall. Now that he had her pressed against him, he could feel the slight rise and fall of her chest. It was like a lifeline, the rhythm of his feet matching her breath as they hurried towards the city. The sun was shining brightly, a warm and clear day. What had seemed like a contorted mockery earlier, now seemed more like an omen to Fenris.

Adriene was alive. Now, the only thing left was Cassia coming out of the Harrowing, and everything would turn for the better.

It had to.


	2. Follow Me Into The Heart Of Evil

The sound of the large doors closing heavily behind Cassia echoed through the large room that was the Harrowing Chamber. She wasn’t even sure if the hall she stood in was anything close to what she had expected. Cassia had gone to great lengths to avoid thinking about the inside of the Circle at all. Large columns formed a path further inside where, elevated through a few steps, a group of several mages and templars were waiting for her. 

Without being prompted further, Cassia followed her escort. Her footsteps sounded hollow, inevitability swinging along with every step.

Cassia wondered just what this room had originally served. The Gallows were much older than the city-state of Kirkwall after all, a leftover prison of the Tevinter Imperium. On the depressingly blank walls, the windows were directly beneath the high ceiling, starting way above any regular person’s height. It made the light fall into the hall in an odd angle, leaving some parts of it covered in shadows while the columns threw down wide shades. The elevated part of the room could have been a stage perhaps. As Cassia reached the stairs, she wondered if this had been the place where they had held their slave auctions.

How very fitting, she thought, as she looked at the people waiting for her. To stand where people had decided over the fate of those they deemed lesser beings since the Gallows had been built.

One of the mages waiting for her was familiar. Orsino’s face was guarded, but Cassia could see the underlying currents of apprehension on the elf’s features. And something akin to pity in his eyes. 

Behind her, the door opened and closed again, and another pair of heavy steps echoed through the otherwise quiet air. Cassia’s escort had just led her closer when Ser Oswald’s voice cut through the silence as he caught up with them. His heavy, gauntleted hand clasped around her shoulder as if he wanted to stake a claim on her.

“I’ve been granted authority to stand watch over this one’s Harrowing,” he announced the reason for his presence.

Cassia suppressed a sigh of resignation, keeping her face carefully blank. Of course it was him of all people that would wait for her with a drawn weapon should she fail.

Orsino narrowed his eyes briefly. “Very well,” he said tensely before looking pointedly at Ser Oswald. “Please let go of the applicant, so we may start.”

Oswald’s hand tightened ever so slightly before he nodded curtly and took a step back. Orsino looked back at Cassia.

“Are you familiar with the proceedings or do you require an explanation before we start?” he asked. His face still gave nothing away, but his voice sounded almost kind for a moment.

Cassia took a deep breath and shook her head. “I’ve learned about the rituals required, I am as prepared as I can be.” There was no use in drawing this out. Waiting and listening to something her father had taught her about since she was sixteen years old would not make any of this easier.

It took surprisingly little preparation, and before she knew it, Cassia felt the surroundings start to shift around her. Someone steadied her briefly as her eyes fluttered shut for a second.

When she opened them again, Cassia couldn’t see.

Something around her had changed. Her mind was drawn out of her body and into the unsettling vastness of the Fade. 

Cassia had expected it to feel like dreaming. At least in theory, it should be nearly the same thing. The ritual around the Harrowing did little more than induce artificial sleep. In reality, it felt completely different. Something about the Fade was way more out of order than she was used to. It felt both incredibly familiar and totally unknown at the same time. No matter how much she strained her eyes, she could make out absolutely nothing in front of her. To her surprise, she couldn't even tell if it was too dark to see or if there was too much light. Both seemed to coexist right on top of each other. Just like she wasn’t certain if she had gone deaf or if it was simply too loud for her to still recognize any noise.

The ground underneath her feet felt harsh, threatening to cut her open, yet when she tried to move it parted like liquid. The air was thick and sweet around her, but the more deep breaths she took the more it felt like she was running out of air entirely. Just like her eyes started to hurt the more she tried to see, and her body felt heavy and sluggish the more she tried to move. 

Everything around her seemed to be made up entirely of contradictions.    
Like the entire piece of the Fade she was in was constructed specifically to make it next to impossible to make the right choice. 

Cassia wondered if this was how the Harrowing was for everyone, or if the Fade had shaped itself into this specifically for her. The only thing she understood for certain was that every single thing she could do in here, be it something simple as breathing, was bound to give her a harder time. There was only one thing to do.

Cassia stopped.

Her eyes fell shut as she stopped moving, keeping herself perfectly still. It took her mind a moment of convincing until she stopped trying to draw in breath. She was in the Fade, her body still in the Gallows. She had no need for air.

The more still she got, the less intrusive the strange surroundings felt. Her mind felt blissfully empty, unconcerned with singular thoughts as she was floating through the strange place that was everything and nothing at all. 

“Ungh, well, this is a colossal waste of time if you are going to be this boring about it,” a familiar voice cut through the weirdness around her, sounding obviously annoyed with her.

Cassia could feel the presence of her old acquaintance clearly around her. Despite not moving, not opening her eyes, it felt like she could see him. A face that somehow wasn’t a face, surreal but still there, hovering right in front of her. 

A familiar feeling tickled the back of her neck as the fear demon that had haunted her dreams for so long became more and more corporeal until he tilted his strangely formed head in a facsimile of a nod.

“It has been way too long.”

The demon looked at her curiously before he started to fade again.

“Look who’s here in my realm…” His deep voice came from everywhere and nowhere at the same time. “And this time being served up on a silver platter. How delightful.”

The air around her changed, the ground shifted, and suddenly the Fade felt much more familiar than before. When Cassia opened her mouth, the strange thickness in the air had lessened, making it easy to talk.

“It wasn’t really my choice,” she spoke clearly into the nothingness. The Fade had always become a deeply unsettling, impenetrable fog around her whenever she was in his domain. A prison without bars that seemed ready to suffocate her. It had frightened her for the longest time. Now? It felt different. Lighter. Unburdened.

“And here I thought you simply missed me so much,” the demon’s voice came from somewhere at her side. Cassia felt a tingling sensation on her skin. A touch that was both there and wasn’t. It used to make her flinch but not anymore.

“Something is different,” the demon hummed, sounding almost upset. “I fear you have become rather useless to me.”

“Useless?” Cassia asked curiously. She wasn’t sure she understood. “You’ve spent so much time trying to get to me, and now that I am here, all you can do is insult me?”

The eerie, touch-like sensation wandered up her arms and over her shoulders as the now disappointed-sounding voice spoke again.

“I wanted you to give in to your fear, to lose yourself in it,” it said, regret shining through. “Instead, you simply stopped being afraid.”

The sensation slid up her neck, around her head as if two invisible hands were holding her face in between them.

“You are not afraid of me anymore!” There was a hint of curiosity in the voice. “Tell me, how did this happen?”

Cassia didn’t want to remember. Not now, not ever. “Does it matter?” she asked. 

“Hm,” the demon hummed, still closely connected to her. “Every mortal has their breaking point. Did you find yours?”

Before Cassia could say anything, a ghostly hand covered her eyes, and a second later, she found herself watching the inside of the cave on the Wounded Coast again. 

“Fascinating!” 

The demon sounded genuinely engaged as he rummaged through her memories, watching the events of the day unfold through her eyes. 

Cassia wanted nothing more than to stop seeing what he saw, but neither turning away nor closing her eyes helped when the images were inside her head. She tried nonetheless, but it was of no use. Like so many times before she couldn’t move.

“I told you, didn’t I?” He sounded wistful as he spoke. “I told you that if your family got hurt it would be your fault.”

His words caused nothing but pain, but in a way, it was grounding Cassia. Giving her something to hold on to. 

“You did,” she answered, her voice hollow. “You were right, it seems.”

“And how do you feel about that?” he asked with gleeful expectation.

“I feel nothing at all.”

She didn’t even have to lie, she realized. It was true. Standing here, watching the events from earlier that day over and over again, she had expected to feel appalled. To break apart under the sorrow. To go mad with pain even. But somehow, all those emotions felt distant and far away from her. Muffled and barely even existing. She looked at the wet, red sand on the ground and felt  _ nothing _ . 

The demon chuckled lightly. When he caressed her cheek with a feathery touch, it didn’t feel as unsettling as she remembered. 

“Ah, but that is not entirely true, is it?”

Before Cassia could ask what he meant, he hovered closer to her, pouring around her like a cocoon. 

“Let me show you something,” he whispered, and just like that, she was not only watching the events of the cave again — she was right in the middle of it. Looking at the frozen form of the abomination that had once been Grace right in front of her.

But this time, it wasn’t Ser Oswald holding her, it was the demon. His touch felt nearly the same to her, but something was definitely different. It took her a moment to pinpoint what exactly it was, but then she realized that it was her that was different. Her utter lack of fear. She wasn’t afraid of the demon like she had been of Ser Oswald. His presence was almost comforting. A reminder that none of this was real, no matter how it looked.

Everything seemed to happen much slower than it had before. Cassia’s arm was raised and the felt the tiny strands of magic concentrating on her hand, flowing together as she slowly formed stone in her hand powerful enough to break ice.

“This bit, right here,” the demon whispered. “You feel something. Something you try to hide.”

Cassia had no clue what he meant. She tried to listen to herself more intently, searching for any residue of the horror she had experienced earlier. But she couldn’t find a trace. 

“I don’t know what you are hoping for, but I’m not afraid of this. Or of what I did,” she said plainly.

Behind her, the demon laughed.

“Oh no, you’re not afraid. This is something else.”

In front of her eyes, the stony fist flew away from her hand, colliding with the frozen body. A shiver went through Cassia as the ice cracked, taking its time to break apart into uncountable shards.

“There it is,” the demon pointed out. “You  _ enjoyed _ that!”

Cassia’s eyes widened. Instinctively, she wanted to object, but something about the demon’s words struck her in a way she hadn’t expected. Suddenly, the view around her shifted, and now, it was Linus standing in front of her. His lips were moving, saying, no, screaming something but like before, Cassia couldn’t hear his voice. What she could see, though, were his eyes. Wide in terror, they looked incredibly afraid.  _ Of her _ . The hint of a smile spread over her face. The fear in Linus’ eyes was mesmerizing, and Cassia felt that same shiver running through her again. 

“Look at that,” the demon whispered. “You’ve started to see my side of things.”

Cassia was still staring ahead, watching the icicle form slowly under her fingers. Instead of Oswald’s hand around her wrist, there was a formless shadow holding it just as tight. Time seemed to slow down even more as something nudged her.

“Look at him,” the demon said softly and Cassia’s eyes flew back to the templar in front of her. “Look at the terror on his face, the naked fear in his eyes. Do you know why it stirs you so?”

Cassia could only shake her head. The demon was right, there was something utterly fascinating in watching the fear on Linus’ face. Something undeniably pleasing, something new. Cassia had no idea just what to think about the revelation. Her demonic companion meanwhile seemed to have his own thoughts he wanted to share.

“It is the power behind it,” he said, warm breath rushing over her ear as he leaned closer. “Your power. The power to make someone feel like this. To cower in fear of you…” Cassia was ready to disagree on principle, but the demon's words rang too true, resonated just a little bit too much within her, and no sound came out of her mouth as the demon continued, “You remember all too well how it feels to be on the other side. You’ve been afraid for so long, but not anymore.”

“I…” she started breathily, her throat suddenly feeling dry. “I can’t enjoy this. I shouldn’t!” He was right. Cassia could not deny the truth behind his observations. But that didn’t mean she couldn’t see just how wrong this all was. “What kind of person does that?”

“Mortals and demons alike,” the demon replied almost casually. “Here is the thing you mortals never quite understand — there is no simple good and evil. No right or wrong. Everyone is just trying to cling desperately to something that makes them feel alive. That lets them bear their existence.” His voice was rumbling around her like a gentle tide, soothing and completely calm as it drew Cassia in. “What you feel, it’s only natural. And why shouldn’t you enjoy it? You think Oswald wasn’t beside himself with glee every time he managed to terrify you?”

Cassia swallowed, remembering the sardonic grin on Ser Oswald’s lips whenever he made her flinch before him. It sent a shiver down her back as she felt her breath going faster. The Fade and the demon no longer scared her. Oswald on the other hand… His words on the boat still rang in her ears, the threats against Maia making everything inside Cassia shudder with dread at the knowledge that even with her best, almost perfect plans, she might not be able to protect her. Just like she hadn’t been able to protect Adriene when it mattered.

In front of her, the ice embedded itself deeply into Linus’ throat. She couldn’t hear his dying gasps, only see the twitching face, his whole body shaking before he fell over. His eyes were still wide open, glued to her. The fear frozen in the blink of an eye, now etched on his features forever.

“Listen deep within you and feel,” the demon whispered, and Cassia knew he could feel the small bouts of pleasure running through her, the gratification she felt at the sight. “Isn’t this a million times better than being the one that is afraid?” 

It was. Absentmindedly, Cassia licked her lips as she kept looking at the carnage. What she was feeling now was indeed so much better than the fear had been. Compared to the terror that had dictated so many of her life choices, this was an entirely new world.

Not  _ that _ new, part of her remembered. She had felt like this before. Back in the foundry when the magic had flown out of her, washing away all hesitation and letting her just act. A sense of wrongness kept trying to fight its way up again at the memory. This wasn’t what she was supposed to feel. She should be appalled at the mere thoughts, not yearning for something this atrocious. And yet… Hadn’t Cullen and Adriene said something in the same vicinity to her back then? That it wasn’t wrong to enjoy feeling powerful? They had both told her that it was a normal thing to experience yet somehow Cassia doubted that they had ever imagined anything like this.

“Oh, what did I just try to explain? Stop your hand-wringing and agonizing about being a good person already!” The demon’s suddenly razor-sharp voice snapped her out her thoughts.

“What?”

His hold on her became firmer. Not painful at all, but urgent, pressing, as if to remind her to stay focused on him and nothing else.

“Even if it were that simple, we both know you are not on the good side of things,” he said sharply. “Your sister was always the good one. The caring one that took on everyone’s burdens. You?” He sounded harsh but not at all demeaning, like he was simply stating facts without judgment. “You are the selfish one. The one that goes after what she wants no matter the risks, uncaring about who gets hurt in the process. Now, you can let that be a weakness or see it as the strength it could be. The sooner you accept that, the better.”

The blood-smeared ground at her feet seemed to emphasize each of the demon’s words. Grace had been a victim of the circumstances. Circumstances Cassia had created by looking out for herself. In a way, Jeremy had suffered a similar fate. Cassia had known she should keep away from people that weren’t her family after all. Her father had warned her often enough. But she had wanted something for herself and it had ended in death. And now Adriene…

Adriene had spent her life protecting Cassia from the shadows. Looking out for her, killing for her even if it broke her own heart in the process. And when it had come down to it, Cassia hadn’t been able to do the same for her.

When she looked up, a sob welled up in her. The cave had disappeared, and in the distance, she could see a shadow. Nothing more than a silhouette, but it was enough. Cassia would recognize Adriene anywhere.

“I am so sorry,” she whispered brokenly. The shadow didn’t move. It just stood there, silently. A monument to Cassia’s sins. She could have saved her sister. If she had killed those mages, she could have saved her. All it would have cost her was a part of her conscience. A ridiculously small price to pay all in all. But it was something Cassia only knew now. Now that it was too late. 

“And now that she has paid the price for your selfishness, you get to live on and keep your little make-believe world going just a bit longer. Until the next time it is threatened. I wonder who will pay for you then…” The demon’s voice had gotten softer again, more understanding. But he didn’t let up in the intensity. “Meanwhile, you will get to work closely with the man who deliberately let your sister die.”

As if to emphasize the danger, something solid wrapped around her throat. He wasn’t actually hurting her, but the pressure was enough to remind her of the brutal grip Ser Oswald had used to tear her away from Adriene. “You know he is just waiting for a moment when he finds you alone and finally gets his hands on you. Will you play along then as well?” The demon’s words sounded like a terrible dare as he went on mercilessly. “How far are you willing to go to protect what’s left of your family? Will you grind your teeth together and bed the murderer of your sister just so you can enjoy a bit more of your  _ ‘freedom’ _ ? Or will you finally use the power inside you to actually  _ do _ something?”

Cassia went rigid. The unwavering shadow of Adriene still hovered in the distance as Cassia wanted to kick herself for engaging the demon for this long already, no matter how true his words rang. This was her Harrowing after all, and he had almost made her forget it.

“So this is where you offer me power and if I say yes, I come out of the Harrowing an abomination?” Cassia asked, ignoring the scratchiness of her voice. “You must think me to be beyond stupid.”

Everything around her suddenly felt less intense, like the whole of the Fade around her simmered down a bit. The demon loosened his hold on her ever so slightly as he spoke, “I don’t care about your Harrowing. Or anything else you mortals fuss over.” He sounded surprisingly straightforward, honest even. Gone was the slight sing-song of his earlier words. “I’m not here for that, and the demon that was is no longer an issue.”

Another demon? Confusion washed over Cassia. “No longer an issue? What do you mean?”

The demon huffed dismissively, like it was an insult to him that she even bothered to ask the question. “Don’t you know the Circle has its own ways for the Harrowing? I snuffed it out and took its place,” he said matter-of-factly.

The Circle had  _ what? _ Cassia wasn’t sure she fully understood, but before she could ask, he continued, his voice turned smoother again.

“Don’t be so surprised, you had to know I wouldn’t give up on you. Not after all we’ve been through together.”

For the first time since all of this had started, Cassia found herself struggling against his hold. “You tortured me!” she hissed, recalling the endless sea of nightmares she had waded through.

“I misunderstood what we could be together,” the demon shot back. “But now I see, and so do you!”

The shadow of Adriene moved all of a sudden, like it was reaching out to her but couldn’t come closer. Before her eyes, Cassia saw her hand losing its grip on Adriene’s, and felt the magic between them tearing again. 

The demon took this moment to wrap himself fully around her. Cassia went rigid for a moment until she noticed that it didn’t feel threatening at all. That it was more like a soothing embrace. Warm, powerful, and protective arms holding her, promising her nothing but safety. Cassia choked out a muffled cry at the feeling of being held. She had avoided the soothing comfort of someone else taking care of her in fear of crumbling down under it, but now she had no choice, and she felt herself slowly breaking apart at the seams. 

“I’ve been with you all this time, looking out for you much like she did,” the demon whispered into her ear, holding her closely. “Or did you never wonder why you never encountered a single demon in your dreams except for me?” 

Tears welled up in her eyes. Cassia knew she should break free. That this was a trick, but everything in her was just so tired. Exhausted from a lifetime’s worth of fighting and struggling. Of the endless conflict both inside and around her. The conflict that would continue the second she would leave this place.

“Maybe you can keep Cullen and Maia safe if you dedicate yourself fully to the Circle,” the demon muttered, reminding her once again that he could see her every thought. “Or maybe…” A brief vision flickered in front of her. Cullen, sentenced to death by the Knight-Commander, executed for treason in the middle of the Gallows. Maia being taken away by Chantry Sisters, out of the city, never to be seen again. Cassia wanted to scream, but no sound came out of her as she tried. The vision disappeared, and all she could see was her sister’s shadow again. 

“Your sister… She looked out for everyone. And now she is gone.” At Cassia’s renewed sobs, something on his hold manifested, like soothing hands running down her back, offering her comfort as he spoke, “Who will continue her work now?”

Before Cassia’s eyes, a plethora of images whirled around. “Who will keep Anders from being made an example of once Meredith decides she is done playing by the Warden’s rules?” the demon asked as she watched templars break down the door to the clinic, destroying everything in their wake to get to her friend.

“Who will keep Fenris safe when Danarius finally catches up with him?” 

A picture of Fenris, broken and in chains, being led out of the city appeared. Just for a moment, but it was enough to make Cassia twitch in anguish. It changed again, showing her small houses burning, a once majestic tree black and still smoking. “Who will keep protecting the Alienage, cleaning up the streets at night?” The image changed again, showing a ship leaving the harbor and there, on the pier, left utterly alone sat Varric, his face buried in his hands. “Who will give your friends a reason to stay?”

Something went through her hair, gently patting her head. “You could,” the demon suddenly whispered into her ear. “You could do it all and so much more if you only embraced what you are and what you could be. You could protect them all.”

Cassia knew the offer for what it was. This was what she had trained all her life for. How to resist a demon. She had somehow always thought that demons mainly tricked people. Made them believe they were not demons to get them to trust them. Made them believe they were doing a good thing. Never would she have thought to find herself in a situation where she knew exactly what this demon was. Knew to her core that it was wrong — and still find herself tempted. “If I only agree to carry you out of the Fade, right?” she asked, cursing herself for not immediately telling him no. 

“Oh, you wound me with your mistrust,” he said, with a hint of indulgence in his voice. “You are wrong about me, I don’t want to leave here.”

It gave Cassia pause. All demons wanted to leave the Fade, that was their entire goal behind enticing people into their service after all. Her father had taught her as much, and she had never heard anything to the contrary. It was beyond curious. “You don’t?”

“This is my realm, my home,” the demon said simply. “I have no desire to walk your world.”

Cassia scoffed in disbelief. “You can’t tell me you don’t want anything from me…”

“I wouldn’t dream of it,” he said sweetly as he raised an invisible hand to her face, gently wiping away some of her tears. “I do want things, just like you do. I would like to be able to see it. To watch you when you spread the fear you no longer feel onto others. And, every now and then, take some of it to me back here…” There was something wistful in his voice all of a sudden, an open longing that made him sound almost vulnerable. Something that drew Cassia in like nothing else had before as she realized something.

“You are alone…”

There was a wistful sigh going through the solid form that engulfed her. “Such is the lot of my nature,” the demon said, sounding almost resigned. “No one looks for the company of Fear.”

Cassia didn’t dare to move or even breathe as she began to understand. Suddenly, so many things fell into place, started to make sense. The demon’s obsession with Cassia’s feelings for her friends and family. The razor-sharp observations of all her interactions with other people. His focus on her fear of losing them. Of being left behind. Alone.

“Think about what you could do with my help,” he murmured in that moment. “Your power amplified by mine would make you unstoppable.” He painted an intriguing picture. “No one would ever have to protect you again, instead, you could be the one that protects them all. And you could make all those pay who made your life miserable, who threatened your loved ones.”

Cassia felt the warmth of his embrace surging through her, emphasizing his words and at the same time saying so much more. Between the words, in the quiet space of what he wasn’t saying, she could sense something. Could sense what he truly offered and wanted.

“You would stay with me through all this…” she whispered into his hold, and she could sense something going through them both.

“Forever!” His assurance came without pause. “I could always stay at your side. That is what you yearn for, isn’t it? Someone who will never leave you, someone that no one can take away from you. Here in the Fade, I am for all intents and purposes immortal, you would never have to fear to lose me…”

Cassia could see it clearly. Could see herself wielding the strength needed to keep everyone she cared for safe, held up and cared for by something death had no power over. 

In front of her, the shadow of Adriene began to fray at the edges, slowly dissolving into its surroundings, and Cassia swallowed at the feeling of inevitability it caused. 

Adriene was gone. 

It was all up to Cassia now. Her, with all of her faults, was all that was left. She had faltered before and the price had been too high. She couldn't afford to falter again, and she knew in her heart that she couldn’t face any of this on her own.

Her voice shook, a flutter of nervousness in it as she softly asked, “What would I have to do?”

The moment the demon started to speak, something changed again.

Cassia felt like all air had been knocked out of her as the Fade seemingly ripped apart around her like a torn curtain. 

With a soundless scream on her lips, she was falling.

A blink of an eye. A sudden pain in her back, and suddenly, there were other voices around her.

“Ser Oswald, are you insane?” Someone was shouting. “You know just how dangerous that is! I will not have you endanger the lives of everyone in this room with your impatience!”

Cassia’s head hurt as she slowly felt her senses return to her, recognizing the shouting voice as belonging to Orsino. There was more commotion around her, footsteps, the door again. The voice of the Knight-Commander joining the fray as she asked in a clipped tone what had happened.

Carefully, Cassia opened her eyes. Despite the room not being fully illuminated, it felt blindingly bright for a moment. 

“It was taking too long, I decided to not take further risks,” Ser Oswald said from somewhere above, and Cassia realized that she was on the floor. 

Orsino sounded angry when he next spoke. “The dangers of speeding up the waking process are well documented, you had no right…” 

“Well, it looks like there was no harm done,” Meredith interrupted him, and as Cassia blinked again, she saw the Knight-Commander standing above her, holding out an arm to help her up.

It was only then that Cassia truly realized that it was over. Her Harrowing had been completed and by the hint of a satisfied smile on the Knight-Commander’s face and the fact that she was still in one piece and hadn’t been run through by a sword, it seemed like she had passed.

Cassia couldn’t suppress a shiver as she reached out and took the offered hand, letting herself be helped up. Had she really been about to accept the demon’s help?

_ ‘Forever! I could always stay by your side.’ _

The demon’s haunted promise still echoed through her mind, freezing her for just one second as the familiar sensation of dread and fear ran through her once more. She had almost pitied him as she had understood his loneliness. For a moment she felt like she could still hear his voice loud and clear in her head, like she was back in the Fade, still subject to his whims.

The firm grip on her hand turned into a handshake, driving home just where she was with the force of a hammer. This was her reality now. She was the one being all alone in a world without Adriene where the Knight-Commander aimed her terrifying smile at her.

“Welcome, Champion, to the Kirkwall Circle."


	3. The Burdens We Bear

The moments after her Harrowing felt almost more surreal and disconnected to Cassia than her time in the Fade had. She tried to take deep breaths, to center herself and get a grip on her surroundings but every breath she took slightly hurt. The Knight-Commander was talking. Not to her though. To the templars who had stood watch. To Ser Oswald. Cassia couldn't pay attention to what was being said, no matter how much she tried. The utter exhaustion of the last 48 hours seemed to catch up with her all at once. Passively, she stood where she was, looking blankly at the still angry face of Orsino. He too was talking, animatedly. Were they still fighting about the end of her Harrowing? 

The weight of an arm around her shoulder shook her out of her trance as she was drawn against someone, and Cassia flinched in sudden panic. It took her a second to see that Ser Oswald was still talking to Meredith right in front of her. That it wasn’t him. Her fear turned into relief as Cullen’s familiar voice washed over her.

“I’m here,” he murmured quietly, “everything is going to be alright, I promise!” And just like that, the touch that had frightened her at first turned into a soothing comfort. An anchor to focus on.

“Ah, Knight-Captain, you are back,” Meredith said just in that moment. “As you can see, your faith was not misplaced, she passed her Harrowing.” 

“I had no doubts about that,” Cullen replied, gently squeezing Cassia’s shoulder as he spoke. “Will that be all for now?”

Something about his voice was different than usual, Cassia noticed. Harsher, clipped, and with an underlying strain that betrayed just how close Cullen was to losing the polite and professional facade he was showing. 

Meredith didn’t seem to notice anything tough. Or perhaps she didn’t care. It was a distinct possibility from what Cassia knew about her.

“For now,” the Knight-Commander simply said with a nod. “You may take her home.”

Cassia blinked in confusion. Home? She wasn’t sure if she heard that correctly. Her surprise did not stay unnoticed as Meredith turned to her with a small smile.

“We deliberated whether you'd be better taken care of in the Circle or not and came to the conclusion that sending you home will fit much better with the story we are going for,” she said. “If you’ve been working for us the entire time, it would look rather odd to incarcerate you now, wouldn’t it?”

Cassia could only nod as she did her best to smile gratefully in return. This had been what she had hoped for after all, though with how the whole thing had gone down, she hadn’t dared to hope for this outcome.

“Go home, child, you look like you could use some rest,” Meredith dismissed her with patronizing benevolence. “When we meet again, we shall talk about what will be expected from you in the future.”

Cassia swallowed and nodded again, unable to trust her voice. Thankfully, Cullen wasted no more time. 

“One last thing, Knight-Commander,” he said, drawing Meredith’s attention back to him. “The next time you give Ser Oswald any job that requires responsibility, you should send someone to oversee so he actually follows through.”

“I beg your pardon?” Ser Oswald was bristling at them with narrowed eyes, but Cullen didn’t even look at him as he continued.

“I went to clean up his mess on the coast. The Champion’s body wasn’t there. When I returned to Kirkwall and made some inquiries, I found her to be very much alive.”

Cassia’s breath hitched at his words, her eyes widening as she looked up at his face. He was still focused on Meredith, but his hand squeezed her shoulder again gently, and for a moment, Cassia was nearly overwhelmed with emotions. When she looked at Meredith and Ser Oswald, she could see they were as surprised as she was, but both of them looked decidedly unhappy at the news.

“We will be leaving then,” Cullen said curtly. “Perhaps next time, someone who actually delivers results should lead the more important missions.”

Cassia didn’t think she had ever heard Cullen sound like this before. This mixture of being aggressive and downright petty was entirely new. But when she saw Meredith turning her furious eyes on Ser Oswald, she couldn't deny that both his words and his tone had perfectly hit their mark. Before she could process anything else though, Cullen was already leading her out of the Harrowing Chamber. 

“Please,” she whispered quietly, “tell me you are not just riling them up. Is it really true?” In her mind’s eye, she still saw the knife in Adriene’s stomach, the blood on the floor and her useless attempts of trying to heal her. It seemed almost impossible to believe in such a miracle. But perhaps the Maker finally decided to smile on them after all, she thought as Cullen nodded ever so slightly, his features much softer as he looked at her.

“Yes, Adriene is alive,” he said ever so quietly as they walked through the endless looking hallway towards the courtyard. Towards freedom. “Anders is with her, so are Fenris and Isabela. They are taking care of her right now.”

Adriene was alive. 

_Adriene was alive._

The words seemed to slowly settle, filling her senses with their sound, drowning out everything else around her. Mindlessly, she followed Cullen along, out of the Gallows and onto the boat, unable to process anything else as her mind repeated the words over and over again.

Her sister wasn’t dead. Cassia hadn’t lost her. She wasn’t sure exactly what she was feeling. It felt almost a bit like she had felt in the Fade, everything and nothing seemingly happening at the same time. 

As they reached Hightown, Cassia felt everything slowly getting clearer, and she suddenly knew just what had to happen next.

“I need to see her,” she said softly.

“She will most likely not be awake yet,” Cullen answered. “And you are dead on your feet.”

He had a point, but Cassia knew that she had to see Adriene with her own eyes. Even if it was just for a moment. “I know, but Cullen, I saw her bleed out in front of me… I just need to see her. Not for long, just so I can…” She trailed off, but Cullen seemed to know what she wanted to say.

“So you can actually believe she is alright, of course.” There was a heaviness in his voice as they took the turn to the Amell mansion instead of going straight to their home. Cassia knew he was as exhausted as she was and that they were both ready to fall over and sleep. 

“Thank you,” she said, grateful that he didn’t insist on her going home first. “I promise I won’t be long.”

A promise that was surprisingly easy to keep. The moment they arrived, Cassia understood that they were more in the way than they were of any help. Both Isabela and Fenris hugged her fiercely as soon as they saw her, and the look of pure relief on Anders' face followed by an embrace that was close to being too tight was almost overwhelming. How close Cassia had been to never seeing any of them again was still on her mind as Anders gave her a quick update on Adriene, assuring her that she would be fine.

Cassia pushed past him, only listening with half an ear as she looked at Adriene, reaching for her hand. It was warm, like it had been in the cave, but the blood had been cleaned off her and her face no longer looked like she was in pain. Adriene was indeed asleep, her wounds slowly healing from everything Anders had already done for her.

Holding Adriene’s hand in hers, it finally broke through the lingering haze that Cassia had felt ever since they had dragged her out of the cave.

Adriene was alive!

And Cassia could finally, truly believe it.

A small sob welled up in her, and she swayed on her feet as the exhaustion she had managed to hold at bay so far threatened to wash over her.

“You should go home,” Anders said quietly, “Get some rest, both of you!”

Cullen was already back at her side, a steady arm around her waist as he nodded. “We will, thank you.” He sounded slightly stilted again. As they said their goodbyes, Cassia couldn’t help but notice that Anders was very much the same. As they left the house, something kept buzzing at the back of her mind.

“Is everything alright?” she asked Cullen as they started to walk towards their home.

Cullen let out a long sigh. “It has been a really difficult day. Or two.” Absentmindedly, his hand went through his hair. He looked slightly uncomfortable. “I met Justice…”

“Oh,” was all that Cassia could say at that moment. 

“Oh indeed.” Cullen sounded unsettled, agitated even all of a sudden. “Were you ever going to tell me?”

The question weighed heavier on Cassia than she would have thought. Mainly because she couldn’t think of a good answer for it. When she drew in a deep breath, she felt the familiar strain again. A sharp bout of pain in her lungs.

“I don’t know,” she said honestly. “It wasn’t my secret to tell.”

“You don’t think that, after all I’ve told you about my time in Ferelden, this was something that should have come up?” There was no misunderstanding the sharpness in his voice, and Cassia flinched almost unnoticeably. Almost. The way Cullen suddenly relaxed again and the apologetic look he gave her told her he had most definitely noticed.

“I am sorry,” he said quietly. “I am not actually angry at you. I don’t even know where this came from.”

Cassia gave him a tentative smile. “I do,” she said plainly. “We are both exhausted. I don’t even remember when I actually slept for the last time.”

Cullen huffed as he pulled her closer, half hugging her while walking the last few steps to their house. “An undeniable sign that it was way too long ago!”

“The last day was a lot,” Cassia agreed as she leaned into him. So many things had happened, and there had been no opportunity to truly talk to each other through all of it. “There are so many things I need to tell you,” she said with a quiet sigh. “I don’t even know where to start.”

“Me neither,” Cullen said as they came to a halt and he unlocked the front door. “Maybe we should leave all the talking for when we have had some food and sleep. I doubt we’ll get anywhere like this.”

Cassia only hummed in agreement, still far too overwhelmed to sort through her thoughts. She felt like she could fall asleep standing up.

As soon as they were inside, part of her exhaustion was put on hold again the second Maia was in her arms. 

“Oh, I am so glad to see you _both_ home,” came Orana’s voice from the door. There was a quiver in the woman’s voice, and Cassia could see the worry lines on her face as she looked at her.

“I am too,” Cassia said softly. With Maia still on her arm, she crossed the distance between them and drew Orana into a tight hug. “Thank you so much for taking care of her,” she murmured against the other woman’s hair as she held on just a little bit longer than usual. “I wouldn’t have been able to get through this day if I hadn’t known for sure you would be taking care of her.”

It was absolutely true. Over time, Orana had gone from someone who worked for them to a trusted member of their household, and someone Cassia would call a dear friend. Someone she could trust with her family and who loved her daughter nearly as much as she did.

When they parted, Orana quickly wiped a stray tear away before she nodded at Maia. “She did well and was mostly calm while you were gone, even with all the weird noises from outside and the unrest going on.”

Her little girl was still snuggling up to her, her small hands not letting go of her mother’s clothes, and Cassia held her as tightly as she could without hurting her. 

“Of course you were amazing in a crisis,” she cooed at her, drawing her hair out of her face. “That’s a family trait, isn’t it?” A loose hairband stuck to her locks, and Orana shot her an apologetic look.

“She refused to let me do her hair for her. She insisted on her mother for that.”

Cassia smiled at her daughter’s unruly head. Doing her hair, trying to get the masses of springy locks Maia had inherited from her under control had been something Cassia had done on her own, just her and Maia, from the very beginning. 

“I’ll do it again tomorrow, right, my sweet?” she said with a grin before kissing Maia’s nose and giving her the hairband to play with. 

“I will make some food,” Orana said, looking at both Cassia’s and Cullen’s tired faces before holding her arms out towards Maia. “You, little darling, can help me with that, let your parents sit down somewhere before they fall over!”

“You don’t have to,” Cullen said immediately. “You have done so much already. If you want to go home…”

“Nonsense!” Orana chided as she took Maia from Cassia’s arms. “Look at you both, you’d probably burn the kitchen down in your state. Sit down, rest, and give me half an hour!”

With that, she disappeared towards the kitchen, leaving Cassia and Cullen standing in the hallway.

The sudden quietness made Cassia feel strange again. She was home. It was over. And for the first time since all of this had started, she and Cullen were alone, without people watching their every move like a hawk.

A second later, his arms closed around her, drawing her as close as the armor he still wore allowed. She didn’t care about the coldness of steel against her cheek as she rested her head against his chest plate. They were home. Together. Part of her couldn’t believe their incredible luck. But it didn’t matter what she could or could not believe. The solid realness of his arms against her, his hands in her hair, and the sound of his breath in her ears was enough. For a moment, they just stood there, together, holding each other before Cullen finally drew back.

“I am going to get out of this armor, and then we’ll have dinner, and then…”

“Sleep!” Cassia sighed at the blissful prospect of rest.

Cullen smiled at her. “Sleep!” he agreed. He placed a tender kiss onto her lips before moving away, and Cassia made her way into the living room. The sofa with its many soft pillows looked like the most enticing piece of furniture she had ever seen. With a deep sigh, she let herself fall into it, listening to the busy noises from the kitchen and the muffled sound of Orana talking to Maia. The second Cassia relaxed, she felt the tiredness smash into her. Like she was suddenly covered in lead, it weighed heavily on her, letting her eyes fall shut. _Only for a moment_ , Cassia thought. Food would be ready soon, but if she could only rest her eyes for a minute…

A soft chuckle sounded next to her, and she felt the sofa dip slightly under the added weight.

“I get the temptation,” Cullen said gently as he drew her into his arms again.

Cassia pried her eyes open to look at him, her voice already sounding sleepy as she murmured, “You’d think with all the time I spent in the Fade today I’d be less tired.”

Cullen took in a sharp breath as if the direct reminder of what had happened today took away the more light-hearted mood they had just settled into.

“There was probably nothing even remotely relaxing about that,” he said lowly.

With an exhausted sigh, Cassia sat up a bit straighter, holding the heavy sleepiness at bay once more. “It wasn’t,” she said tonelessly. “It was the most awful thing I ever experienced.” Every breath was slightly painful again as something in her throat closed up at the mere thought of her Harrowing, and she resolutely shook her head. “But it’s over, no need to talk about that right now.”

Something on her face gave Cullen pause and he cupped her cheek gently, drawing her face towards him.

“Whenever you’re ready to talk, I’ll listen. You know that, right?” he asked, and Cassia nodded softly. But the tight feeling in her throat didn’t let up. Her heart beat just a bit faster as Cassia felt like she had to struggle to breathe. 

“During the Harrowing, towards the end…” she started quietly, not knowing just what exactly she wanted to tell him. “Cullen, the demon was so convincing. He offered me so much. Things I wasn’t even aware I wanted and I…” She tried to draw in a deep breath. It hurt. And it sounded nearly wheezing to her ears. As Cullen kept looking at her expectantly, suddenly the words tumbled over her lips. Quickly, as if she had to get them out before she ran out of air and courage again. “I got torn out of there before anything happened, but if that hadn’t happened, I think I might have said yes…”

“What?”

Before her eyes Cullen’s encouraging smile froze and a shadow fell over his face.

“I was so tired and exhausted, and everything he said was painful and made so much sense…” Cassia hurried along to explain, but something in Cullen’s eyes had changed as he looked at her with a piercing gaze. His voice had turned carefully neutral.

“Cassia, I need you to be absolutely honest with me. Did you say yes?” He shifted slightly until he faced her, both of his hands coming to rest on her shoulders. “Did you agree with him in any way?”

“I didn’t!” Cassia said emphatically. “I mean… No, I didn’t agree with him. I think…” Her voice lost some of its conviction as her thoughts went back to the end of her conversation with the demon. 

“You think?” Cullen asked sharply, disbelief on his face. “Cassia, this is no game. This is a _demon_ we are talking about. A demon who almost had you.”

“I know, I…” Under all the exhaustion and the emotional turmoil, Cassia felt herself starting to crack. “Look, what do you want to hear from me? That I am not perfect? You knew that already.” Her own frustration lay heavy in her voice as she looked at Cullen. “You want me to admit that the demon had me seriously worried? It had! Believe me, I know this isn’t a game!”

She could see the internal fight Cullen had in the subtle movements of his face as the exhaustion made way for a plethora of emotions.

“If you were so worried why didn’t you speak up right after the Harrowing?”

Cassia blinked, thrown off by the accusation in his voice. “I… I don’t know,” she said. “I was still confused, and I was afraid of what they would do…”

Cullen’s eyes narrowed ever so slightly at her explanation. “So you let me take you away from the people trained to stop demons instead?” He closed his eyes for a moment before letting out an exasperated sigh. “What exactly did you say to the demon?”

An uneasy shiver went down Cassia’s back as she remembered the last few moments of her Harrowing. Remembered the grief, and the guilt, and the warm embrace around her, making her feel like everything would be alright if she just accepted the help offered.

“I asked what I would have to do, and then…”

“Then what?” Cullen prodded impatiently, and Cassia felt her throat close up again at the realization that she had no idea what the demon had said next. If she had answered again. It all faded together with the muddled experience of waking up. 

“I don’t know,” she said miserably. 

“You don’t know…” Cullen sounded more than worried by now, and something in his voice turned to steel. “And you led me to believe everything was fine while you _don’t know?_ ” He was clearly on edge now. “You _know_ about my time in Ferelden, you know everything that happened there, and still you let me bring you here, to Maia, while you are _uncertain_.”

Around them, it was eerily quiet. The noises from the kitchen had stopped. No longer could Cassia hear the hint of Orana’s soothing voice, the cluttering of pots or the engaged noises Maia made.

“Where did they go?” she couldn’t stop herself from asking as the fear this whole conversation had stirred went through her entire body. “Where is Maia?” She was about to jump off the sofa and hurry towards the kitchen when Cullen’s hands on her shoulders held her in place. 

“You are staying right here, you won’t go after her. Not when you could be a danger to her!” he said with a finality that shocked Cassia to her core.

“I am not!” she defended herself, gently pushing against his hold but he didn’t budge. “I wouldn’t hurt either one of you and you know that! And I would never put any of you in danger!”

The firm grip he had on her shoulders turned close to painful as his voice went cold. “Tell that to our other child.”

Cassia couldn’t breathe as she stared at Cullen at a complete loss. The words hit her like they had been a slap to her face. For a moment, she was completely speechless. A bolt of misery went through her as she saw in his eyes that he had absolutely meant what he said. And that he wasn’t done.

“You really have no regard for those around you. You just take what you want, manipulate people to dance to your whims, and think that everyone around you will accommodate you somehow, no matter the consequences.” He sounded downright vicious as he looked at her, not in the least bit touched by the panicked look in her eyes. “Are you _really_ that selfish?” Cassia’s eyes widened as she tried to shake him off, but Cullen didn’t budge. There was something sinister in his voice as he glared at her. “What did you think the templars in the Gallows would do if they knew that I wouldn’t do myself right here?”

Cassia was frozen by shock and fear as his hands wandered from her shoulders onwards until they suddenly wrapped around her throat. Her hands grabbed his wrists, trying to pry him off her, but it was of no use. Tears welled up in her eyes as she looked at Cullen’s face and saw nothing but blazing hot anger directed at her. 

“No, please,” she started to beg, wheezing against the pressure on her throat and the pain in her lungs. “I promise, I didn’t do anything. Please, believe me. I didn’t take the offer…”

The hands on her neck only pressed down harder as an unnatural smile appeared on Cullen’s face.

“Maybe you should have!” he said with a voice that wasn’t his own, and Cassia felt like the ground was pulled from underneath her. The voice of the demon still echoed all around her as he grinned at her, wearing her husband’s face.

“This isn’t real,” Cassia managed to get out, still clawing at the hands around her neck. In front of her, everything shifted and her living room disappeared. Cullen’s features melted away, leaving behind a solid black mass made out of smoke and despair.

“Maybe it is,” the demon taunted her, his voice coming from all sides again. “Or maybe you only _thought_ your Harrowing was over. Dreamt up a nice little ending for yourself, didn’t you? One where you didn’t have to make a decision, where your sister is alive, and everything went fine.” He started to laugh, and the unsettling sound made Cassia’s ears hurt. “Can’t you see how ridiculously unlikely that is?”

Cassia tried her best to shake the dread off his words caused. “No,” she whispered. “I made it! Adriene is alive!” She had to be! Cassia refused to leave any room for the possibility that it wasn’t true after all. Adriene was alive and Cassia was still herself and she had gone home and fallen asleep. This was the only explanation possible.

The demon snickered, aware of her every thought. “Oh, those sweet, sweet lies you tell yourself. You’ve been in here with me for such a long time, maybe they decided you failed and killed you already.” The smoke around her solidified, boxing her in. Cassia couldn’t escape it as it threatened to suffocate her, making every breath she took burn like fire. Gleefully, the demon laughed at her struggle. “In that case, I get to keep you forever.”

With an ear-piercing scream, Cassia almost jumped off the sofa. A moment later, the door flew open and Cullen came running in, still in the throws of pulling a fresh shirt over his head. 

“What happened, are you alright?” he asked frantically, and Cassia felt the relief wash over her as she realized that he had still been changing out of the armor. That he hadn’t been in the room with her after all. That she had indeed fallen asleep. With a small sob, she flew into his arms, shivering against the warmth of his chest. Somewhere in the distance, Cassia could hear Maia join her with a distressed cry, clearly disturbed by her mother’s sudden noise. Orana’s soothing voice carried over from the kitchen. 

“I only closed my eyes for a second,” Cassia murmured quietly. “The demon from my Harrowing was there, and…” A small hiccup interrupted her, and Cassia breathed deeply to try and calm herself down. 

“The same demon?” Cullen asked, and Cassia felt even more relief when she noticed that his voice held nothing but concern for her. Not a hint of the hardness from her dream.

“It felt like it but…” It couldn’t have been the demon, she realized as she let herself be calmed down by Cullen’s soothing hand movements down her back. Her entire house was warded, after all. He couldn’t come into her dreams anymore. “It’s not possible.”

Cullen kept holding her, gently swaying back and forth like both of them were prone to do with Maia. “Maybe you just had a regular, completely normal nightmare?” he suggested quietly. “They do happen every now and then. Especially after everything you’ve been through.”

He was right. It was the most likely explanation. Cassia felt her shoulders sink in relaxation as she let herself be held for a little while longer. When she opened her eyes, she saw Orana in the door, holding a by now completely calm Maia in her arms and looking at them full of worry. 

“Do you need me to stay overnight?” she asked quietly. “It looks like both of you really need the rest.”

Cassia smiled at her before shaking her head to decline the gracious offer. “Thank you, but you must be exhausted as well. You’ve done so much already, we will manage!”

Orana looked like she wanted to disagree for a moment before she simply nodded. “Alright, but I am staying and getting Maia ready for bed while you two eat something,” she insisted, and neither Cassia nor Cullen had it in them to argue against that. Cassia was certain she was simply too tired to do anything but nod and agree.

After a brief dinner and another thankful goodbye, they were finally ready to call it a night. Cassia didn’t even think about not bringing Maia with her into her own bed. She was fully content to have her little girl snuggled between herself and Cullen. The surreal feeling from earlier that day was back as Cassia thought about how close she had been, several times over the last day, to losing all of this. To never come home again. Her magic still felt unsettled from the Harrowing earlier. Nothing too bad but the familiar coldness of her hands was still there, as was the restlessness that seemed to accompany it every time. When Cullen’s hand was in her hair with gentle, soothing motions and the coldness slowly ebbed away, Cassia smiled thankfully at him. As she fell asleep over the noises of Maia still trying to keep herself awake by playing with the edge of a pillow, her hands were warm, and Cassia didn’t even have it in her to worry about another nightmare anymore.

A nightmare that didn’t come. 

As if the Fade had decided to finally give her a well-deserved break, Cassia slept soundly through the night. When she gradually woke up, it was to a wet kiss on her nose. Maia giggled madly as Cassia blinked sleepily at her before doing it again. With a smile, Cassia returned the kiss.

“Good morning, sweety,” she mumbled, noticing that Cullen was awake too.

“Looks like someone took over my job of giving good-morning kisses,” Cullen murmured, his hand finding hers between the covers. “How did you sleep?”

Cassia was still tired, but something in her felt much calmer and much more like herself already.

“Really well,” she answered. “Though I could probably sleep through the entire day if I’m honest.”

Cullen chuckled lightly. “Me too. I don’t think I’ve been this exhausted since I was a recruit and they had us pull triple shifts.” 

With a sympathetic sigh, Cassia snuggled deeper into her pillow again. Cullen’s hand was still holding hers as she closed her eyes and simply enjoyed the feeling of being at home with her family, letting the still sleep-heavy haze from just having woken up run its course. It became clear after a while that she wouldn’t fall asleep again, and even though she could definitely use more sleep, Cassia was almost eager to begin the day. To see how Adriene was doing and to simply enjoy the fact that she was still a free woman. Of a sort. Not as free as she had been two days ago, but all in all, it could have been so much worse. 

Between them, Maia seemed determined that sleeping was over for now. She crawled out from under the blankets and with a quick climb over her father, she was out of bed and out of the bedroom, clearly on her way to look for better entertainment. With a soft sigh, Cassia looked at Cullen. 

“What happened while I wasn’t with you?” she asked quietly. 

The look Cullen gave her felt heavy as he started to fill her in. About Meredith’s plans on what exactly to tell the rest of the city. "You have been working with us for years. You are completely supporting her decisions about the safety of the city, and you will be glad to help her in whatever capacity she deems useful," Cullen summarized the words of the Knight-Commander. It was nothing that Cassia hadn’t expected. When he told her about going back to the cave on the Wounded Coast and finding Adriene, Cassia’s heart clenched at the thought of Adriene having been in that place, barely hanging on to life for what must have been hours.

When she, in turn, told him everything about the doomed rescue mission, she could see the hints of anger appearing on his face again. Like the day before, his tone became clipped as he asked for more details about Ser Oswald's behavior. He didn’t interrupt her, but Cassia could see in his eyes that he was seething at some of the things she said. But his anger wasn’t directed at her. As she started telling him about the Harrowing, the anger got all but completely replaced by concern. It was vastly different from the reaction her sleep-deprived mind had come up with last night. When she got to the end of her story, Cassia nearly faltered. Doubt crept on her for the smallest of moments. The Cullen in her nightmare had been right about one thing; she knew all about his past experiences with demons and abominations. It made her hesitant to tell him what she had so easily admitted to him in her dream. 

_‘Coward,’_ Cassia chided herself. One bad dream should not hold enough power over her to lose all her trust in their relationship. And with that, she gave herself a push, telling him everything that had happened in the Fade. Her thoughts, her considerations, her uncertainties.

His eyes were full of sorrow as she finished. Cassia had to look away for a second, collecting herself, but her voice still shook as she admitted, “For a moment I was so tempted, I think I almost said yes.”

She held her breath as she waited for his reaction.

“Of course you were,” Cullen said immediately, drawing her closer against him. “After everything, I can’t really blame you. You didn’t, though, and that is what counts.” He gently kissed her forehead as his fingers ran soothing patterns over her arm. 

The tears of relief that sprang into her eyes at this vastly different reaction had him draw her even closer.

“But that's the thing,” Cassia murmured. “I'm not sure I didn't. I was pulled out before I could even finish thinking about it. And I'm scared of what that means..."

“Hey,” Cullen murmured against her skin. “If there is one thing templars are literally made for, it's detecting demonic possession after a Harrowing. And believe me, if there had been even a single doubt about you bringing something from the Fade with you, we wouldn't be here. You are alright.”

Something in her loosened as Cassia realized how desperately she had needed to hear exactly those words. She had made it through and she was alright. And so was everyone else she held dear. And for the first time in what felt like forever, Cassia could breathe deeply — and finally, there was no more pain.


	4. A World Turned Upside Down

A spark in the darkness. _No._ A sound, sharp, tingling, that tugged at the edge of her consciousness, dragging her out of the blissful emptiness of sleep and toward the waking world. Clinking glass?

Adriene wasn’t sure, but her thoughts were fleeting, escaping her before she could grab them.

Voices murmured somewhere around her, and she drew in a breath as she shed the last hold of unconsciousness. It was a slow awakening, like dragging herself out of water. Adriene had to blink a few times before she managed to focus her gaze.

It was too bright, and she closed her eyes again with a small groan. Why was it so hard to concentrate? Her body felt heavy, a dull pain throbbing through her, making every movement an effort.

“Adriene?”

A familiar voice, warm, hopeful. Not like the teasing, gleeful coldness of the demon. _The demon._ A shiver ran through her, her fingers twitching as she furrowed her brow and tried to force her eyes open. She didn’t want to go back to sleep, not back to where the demon waited for her. But her lids were heavy as lead, and darkness threatened to engulf her again as she drifted back into the memory. 

“You’re safe.”

The voice was soothing and soft, but she couldn’t quite place it. But they didn’t know, they didn’t know… 

* * *

She had taken so long to realize where she was.

The darkness around was thick and cold, slowly giving way to an eerie twilight, and the smell of blood was hanging all around her. Adriene knew immediately that she was still in the cave at the Wounded Coast — the bloody sand beneath her hands and the shimmer of wet rock in what little light there was told her that all hope had been in vain. Nobody had come for them.

With an effort, she pushed herself up. To her surprise, there had been little to no pain, and when she checked herself, she found her wounds healed. _Alain._ Sucking in a sharp breath, she looked around. Where was Alain? He had helped her, he had saved her life!

But the young mage was nowhere to be found, the space next to her empty.

Adriene stood up, steadying herself with one hand against the wall. The silence was absolute, sending a cold shiver down her spine, and her eyes were wide as she realized that the whole cave was empty. Too empty.

She remembered the fight — the cool, ozone smell of magic, the blue, sharp pain of Holy Smites, the desperate, cut-off cries for help, the sound of something falling heavily to the ground in utter silence, Cassia’s sobs. Her heart clenched in desperate pain, and for a second, Adriene nearly doubled over at the memory. Cassia’s desperation had been so prominent that it had nearly overwhelmed her own pain, latching onto her heart, and she had reached for Cassia with everything she had even though her body hadn’t moved. And for a split second, Adriene had found her, that familiar essence that spoke of _home_ and _whole._ It had lasted only for the tiniest moments before Cassia had been ripped away from her, sending her into darkness.

Until Alain had brought her back for a short time, telling her about how Oswald and his men had cut everyone else down and dragged Cassia out. Before she had descended into unconsciousness again.

Adriene took a deep breath, steeling herself as she turned towards the cave. It shouldn't be this empty. There had to be bodies, and some sign of where Alain was. 

But there was nothing.

Slowly, she made her way through the cave, but there was nobody to be found. No sign of Alain, no bodies, no survivors. Nothing but bloody puddles. And the tracks.

Tracks of something being dragged away.

A tittering clicking echoed through the eerie twilight, the sound of too many feet, and Adriene froze. A cold claw of fear closed around her throat. Something was hiding in the darkness, moving in the shadows of her perception, and in sudden panic, she ran out of the cave.

But where the ocean was supposed to be, cold, dark waves crashing against jagged, sharp-edged rocks, and the silhouette of Kirkwall in the distance, there was… nothing. Where in the Maker's name was she?! It was a sight too strange to comprehend, like silence having taken shape, or a scream stuck in her throat, and Adriene sucked in a sharp, terrified breath, her eyes wide. But before she could even try to understand what she saw, shapes crystallized out of the greenish hue. Impossible structures of rocks and ruins haphazardly strewn beneath an endless, white sky, looking as if they were toys a child had thrown into an empty landscape.

Right next to her, a broken house stuck out of the cave wall, half-melted with the rocks. Adriene recognized their old home just out of Lothering. The bench beneath the rose bush where her mother had sat so often, mending clothes while her father had read to her. The target Adriene and Carver had used for their practices. The herb garden Bethany had so lovingly nursed for her healing and for Cassia’s potions. The swing in the back where Cassia had so often played her lute. But there was something wrong about it, the smell of decay and death laying all around it. The wooden bench and the target were rotten, and the rose bush black and withered, the herb garden barely more than slimy mold, the swing stuck in poisonous thorns. A groan fell from her throat as she recognized a sight she had so often imagined in her darkest hours in the army, fighting darkspawn.

The Taint.

The moment her mind had caught up with what had happened, the door opened — _the door, Maker protect me, the door_ — and a horrifyingly familiar figure eased out of the darkness behind. Adriene slapped a hand to her mouth to muffle her scream, then she turned away and fled in the other direction, her throat closed in horror.

She didn’t get far.

The sand underneath her feet gave way after a few steps, her shocked outcry cut short as she tumbled downwards. Instinctively, she stuck out her hands in a desperate try to catch herself. Something warm and wet beneath her palms made her look up, directly into Fenris’ eyes.

The pain and accusation in his gaze tore into her, shattering her heart into a thousand pieces as she realized her knife was embedded deep into his heart.

“Oh no,” she whispered, her eyes wide with horror. It had been the wrong one. She had wanted to kill the demon, the desire demon that had taken his form, not him! “No, no, no, please, Fenris, please stay…” she begged, a bloody hand on his cheek as he fell to his knees.

A low groan was her only answer, his last breath leaving him in a silent sigh, then he was gone.

“Fenris!” Adriene cried desperately, her grief black and consuming as she begged for forgiveness that she knew would never come.

“Don’t worry, I’m here,” came his voice from behind her. Adriene looked up, her eyes still blurred from tears as Fenris’ hand was on her neck, cradling her with that sweet, heady scent she remembered only too well. The desire demon. “I told you we’d be together forever.” It was a whisper coming from all around her, from _inside_ her, and then he, _it,_ kissed her, soft lips on hers, the hand wandering to her throat, and she was lost. She knew it with the instinctive knowledge of dreams—

 _Dreams!!_

Her eyes widened as she suddenly understood where she was, and Adriene sat up with a gasp. This was a dream! She was in the Fade! That meant that everything around her was plucked from her mind and shaped to her. And that the consistent thing here — the monster in the shadows, the thing behind the door, the horror from the caves beneath Harimann manor was…

"A demon!” The words tumbled from her lips with a gasp.

It had been just a stray thought before she had given it voice, a hunch, but now that she had grabbed it, she held it fast. It felt like the truth, like something she had known all along and forgotten with every waking. This was the Fade. The demon was actually here. And none of it was real. 

_Ah, little tag-along. This took so much longer than I had expected. Well done. Yes, I am a demon. But_ **real** _means something very different here._

Something closed around her, holding her in place, and she clenched her teeth, struggling against the invisible hold on her as the voice suddenly appeared, seemingly all around her.

_Now, now, no need to fight me. Or should I say, no use?_

A low chuckle sent a cold shiver down her back and the hold tightened until she could no longer move. Suddenly, the too-sweet scent got so strong that it threatened to choke her.

_Remember me? I've been with you for so long..._

Silent tears ran down her cheeks as Adriene stared into the oily darkness around her without seeing anything. She couldn’t move, too many hands holding her. She didn’t want to remember, didn’t want to know. But with the ease of a musician plucking the strings of her instrument, the demon plucked at the strings of her memories, coaxing out what she had refused to acknowledge for far too long.

The darkness rushed back into the corners of her home, opening the way to the door. She stood in the hallway.

“Won’t you open it, dear?” Her dead mother’s voice whispering through her.

“Yes, Mom,” she murmured.

Unwillingly, inevitably, Adriene moved towards the door, stretching her hand out to open it.

_Yes, oh yes, that’s it, open it._

There was a gleeful greed in the bodiless voice that made Adriene want to throw up. It reminded her too much of Linus’ eyes as he looked down on her, of Grace’s ecstatic reveling in the power that was in Adriene’s blood.

And she _knew_ she wouldn’t do it.

“No,” she whispered, then again, louder, “No!”

For a moment, everything around her seemed to freeze.

_What was that?_

Adriene ignored the low threat in the voice and took a step back from the door.

“I won’t open it."

This was a demon, and she wouldn’t give in to it.

The laughter started like a whisper in the corners of her nightmares, then it got louder until she covered her ears with both hands in a try to shut it out. Then it suddenly cut off. But the voice wasn’t done with her.

_Ah, your mind has always ever been so very interesting, little tag-along. But what good does your refusal do you? You are in my realm. If you won’t open the door, I will._

And with a slam, the door swung open, crashing into the wall.

Behind it stood Cassia.

“Cassia!” Adriene breathed in relief, starting towards her as her sister turned towards her, surprise in her eyes. There was something _solid_ about Cassia, a faint shimmer of silver and ice that seemed to connect to her heart, and Adriene knew beyond a doubt that this was no shadow conjured by the demon. That this was indeed her sister.

But before she had even taken a step, the too-many hands were back on her, holding her in place, weaving shadows around her.

 _Not so fast_ , the demon whispered in her mind. Adriene’s eyes were glued to her sister as she futilely struggled against its hold. If Cassia was here, was she dreaming, too? No, that couldn’t be. Adriene had never before been thrown into the Fade to Cassia before.

_Now, and when are mages brought into the Fade, into my realm, if they’re not dreaming?_

Adriene swallowed hard, fear in her heart. Of course. This had been their plan all along, hadn’t it? Convincing Meredith that Cassia was worth alive more than tranquil or dead. This could mean only one thing — their plan had worked. And this was Cassia’s Harrowing. Or an illusion of it.

_Illusion, reality, they are all the same in the Fade. Listen. Listen to how you will lose her._

She couldn’t do anything but do as she was told. Cassia seemed too far away for her voice to carry to Adriene, and yet, every word was as sharp as a knife. The promises, the sugarcoated lies, the gamble with loss and gain. Until she could no longer bear it and started to race towards Cassia. Illusion or not, she had to stop this, she had to show Cassia that she was not alone, had to show her… something!

But no matter what she did, no matter how much she strained, she didn’t move an inch. The more she reached, the further away her sister seemed.

 _I misunderstood what we could be together,_ a voice wormed itself into Cassia’s heart, and Adriene groaned under the strain of it. _But now I see, and so do you!_

“Stop it, demon, stop it! Let her go!” Adriene’s voice cracked. “Please…”

But the voices were relentless, and Cassia seemed to no longer look at her but through her. As if she was nothing but a shade come to haunt her.

She could feel Cassia’s misery as her own throughout the demon’s lures, stretching her willpower thinner and thinner. Until a single sentence made everything in her freeze in horror.

“You would stay with me through all this…”

Cassia’s voice was a whisper and a scream at the same time, and Adriene felt the demon’s glee all around her.

“No!” she screamed, “no, Cassia, no! Please!”

_She cannot hear you, little tag-along. And who knows if this is actually happening right now? Time flows differently in the Fade. A second in your reality is a century here. Maybe she is already awake, or dead, an abomination slain by your templars. Maybe this is an echo from the future. Maybe this is just what you imagine could happen. You couldn’t tell the difference if you tried. And even if, what could you hope to do? But we can have our fun with or without her, isn’t that right?_

The chuckle was back, and something was touching her, like a caress wandering all over her body with wet hands, sending disgusted shivers over her skin. Adriene tried to focus fully on Cassia, but the smell was back, threatening to overwhelm her senses, blocking out everything else. And suddenly, Adriene’s eyes widened as a horrible thought took root inside her. This was too familiar, too close to the truth. 

_Ah yes. Have you never wondered how I could haunt your dreams so easily?_

Silently, she shook her head. Demons lied, everyone knew this. Cassia was probably not even here, had never been here. One could never trust demons, could never give in, not even for a second.

_For how long did you give in before you tried to shake it off, little tag-along?_

At the words, something unspeakable fell into place, like a horrible puzzle that finally made sense, now that the last piece fit in. No, no, no! Adriene wanted to scream it, but the sound was ripped from her lips before it could take shape — and then, something changed. It was as if everything became just that much more surreal. What had seemed tangible just a moment ago became translucent.

_So soon? A pity._

Then everything disappeared.

* * *

“Adriene.”

The warm voice brought her out of the warm, soothing darkness she had drifted in and back into reality. Had she fallen asleep again? She wasn’t certain. Slowly, Adriene opened her eyes, and a face took shape.

Anders.

He smiled. “Welcome back,” he said softly. There was a faint shimmer around him that tasted like a star-lit night on her tongue, and for a moment, it was all she could focus on, all thoughts evaporating as she looked at him, marveling at the sensation of magic around him.

“Why… why have you… taken… lyrium?” Adriene asked, the words heavy and slurred.

His eyebrows went up, then he let out a breath that sounded like a chuckle. “Because it took more than I had to heal you. We nearly lost you.”

Adriene’s eyes widened as the words slowly made their way into her consciousness. It took her a moment until she was able to think back to what had happened. A cold claw of fear closed around her throat and Adriene felt like she could barely draw breath as she tried to wrap her head around all of this. Had it only been yesterday? Yesterday! It felt like a lifetime ago. Their wild plan to save Cassia from Oswald’s clutches. The hunt for the relic and the loss of Isabela. The fight through Kirkwall, Fenris’ injury, and meeting Meredith. The Qunari. Isabela’s return. The duel, the victory, the arrest, the Wounded Coast, the searing pain, the knife, Alain, the Fade, the—

“Seagull? Adriene!” A panicked voice — Isabela? — but Adriene couldn’t really focus on it as everything seemed to crash into her at once. There was a wheezing sound coming from her throat, breath racing, but whatever she tried, she couldn’t get her body to do what she wanted, to just get _out_. She was getting light-headed, eyes flickering wildly through the room without seeing anything. There was a crushing weight on her chest, and her heart seemed to want to race out of her chest, cold sweat breaking out all over her body.

“Adriene, breathe. Breathe.” Anders’ calm voice seemed to wrap itself all around her as he was suddenly directly next to her. Blindly, she reached for his hand, and he took it immediately, never taking his eyes off her as he spoke to her. “In and out. That’s it. In… and out. Slow breaths.”

Slowly, she managed to calm down again, hot tears running over her face while she focused on Anders’ voice. He continued to calmly talk to her, squeezing her hand in the rhythm of her breath until she felt anchored back in the presence, her heart no longer feeling like it would burst with every beat and her breath calm and steady. 

A cool, soothing hand was on her cheek, wiping her tears away with a careful, loving touch. She knew that touch with every fiber of her being. Fenris. “You’re safe now,” he said softly. “We’re here. You’re not alone.”

“And we’re not going to leave again,” another voice chimed in. Adriene felt her hand being lifted and a cheek was pressed into her palm, then the soft touch of a kiss. Isabela. She sat next to Fenris at her bed.

Her bed. A slow breath left Adriene as she for the first time truly realized that she was back in her room, the warm light of the dusk streaming in through the window. Anders, Fenris, and Isabela were at her side. She was _home_.

Anders gave her a soft smile before he let go of her hand again to sneak an arm around her shoulders to help her sit up enough to drink something that chased away the dryness in her mouth and the hollowness in her stomach.

“Thank… you,” she whispered when he let her sink back into the pillows.

“I should’ve stayed,” Bela said, her voice coarse when Adriene’s eyes found hers. “I am so sorry, seagull.”

“Not… your fault,” Adriene whispered. “You didn’t do this.”

Isabela shook her head, something like anger in her eyes. “Still. If I had just stayed… First the Arishok, and then the… you know. If I had just _stayed_ —”

Anders carefully interrupted her. “Isabela, please. Not now. Adriene still needs rest.”

Bela looked at him, then she turned her face away, hiding something like a sniffle. “Right. Sorry.”

But Adriene tightened her fingers around Bela’s until she looked back at her. “They would have killed you,” she said, the words heavy on her tongue. “There was nothing you could have done. It’s not… your fault.”

Isabela wiped a hand over her treacherously wet eyes, then she nodded. Leaning forward, she pressed a kiss to Adriene’s forehead. “In any case, I’m not going to make that mistake again. I’ll stay. For good this time.”

The words wrapped themselves around Adriene’s heart like a balm, warm and soothing, waking a hope she had already given up as lost.

“What happened?” she asked, her voice barely more than a whisper. “Cassia? Alain?”

“Cassia was here earlier while you slept,” Anders said calmly. “She is home with Cullen and Maia, resting as well. She is safe.”

Adriene let out a breath she hadn’t been aware she had held back, a wave of relief going through her.

“Alain is in the guest room, sleeping,” Anders added. “He saved your life, keeping you with us until we found you.”

Adriene closed her eyes, relieved that their hope had been answered. That he had survived as well. She wanted to tell them all about it, but at the same time, she felt unable to find the words around the horrible events of the night before. 

A chilling thought came to her as she remembered what had happened in the cave and before, uncertainty clawing at her heart, making her hand clench around Isabela’s fingers. “Cassia killed them all, right?”

“She did,” Anders confirmed quietly.

“Good. I knew she would come. I just… had to hold on.” Another tear ran down her cheek, and Fenris wiped it away with a soft caress, but Adriene focused on Anders, ignoring everything but him. She had to know. “Anders?”

“Yes?”

“Did… did he get what… what he wanted?” A dark fear was deep inside her.

Anders drew his eyebrows together. “Who?”

“Linus,” she said, barely daring to voice the name. “The… templar. There was so much pain, and I wasn’t… conscious the whole time.”

Isabela sucked in a sharp breath, but Adriene kept her eyes glued to Anders. The frown on his face deepened, then sudden understanding dawned in his eyes, followed by a flash of dark hatred that was gone as quickly as it had come before he looked at her with the softest expression she had ever seen on him.

Anders shook his head. “He didn’t. Don’t worry.”

“Are you sure?” She felt like her voice would break on the words.

Anders didn’t look away for a second, as he took her free hand, giving it a reassuring squeeze. “I am sure.”

The relief that washed over her was so powerful that it threatened to overwhelm her, and she let out a breath and closed her eyes, more tears running down her cheek.

She must have dozed off, giving in to the leaden exhaustion in her limbs, for when she opened her eyes again, the light had changed to the clear brightness of morning. Already, she felt somewhat better. The pain was barely noticeable anymore, evidence of the amount of healing Anders had to have done. Cautiously, she touched her hand to her stomach where Grace had stabbed her and found clean bandages wrapping her torso. Someone had obviously cleaned her and clothed her in a soft, wide tunic. With a sigh, she pulled the blanket up again and tried to push herself more upright. As she had managed to come into a more sitting position, she saw Fenris. He was the only one in the room, sleeping at the side of her bed, his head resting on his arms.

For a while, she could only look at him, a swirl of love, tenderness, and sadness in her heart. He looked very soft and incredibly sad in sleep, and her heart fluttered at the sight, a surge of emotion going through her. Slowly, Adriene reached for him, gingerly touching his hair, and for a long moment, all she could feel was grateful happiness that she had been granted a chance to see him again. To see them all again.

But inevitably, the dark thoughts came back. The knowledge she had gained in her talk with the demon… and that it meant she had to lose them all over again. Her heart clenched at the thought that she would have to ask him to do… something unspeakable. She would have preferred to ask Cullen, but he wasn’t here, and of those that were here, she knew that Fenris was the one who would be able to place what had to be done over whatever feelings were between them. And she didn’t know how much time she had left.

“Fenris…” Her voice was very soft, but he heard her nonetheless. Immediately, he sat up. For a second, he looked confused, then he shook his head as if to clear it and looked at her. His face softened as he saw her half propped up.

“I’m here,” he said softly. Adriene moved her hand towards him, and he took it in his, closing his fingers tightly around her cold hand.

Again, she found herself unable to tear her eyes off him. She had thought she had lost everything so often this last, endless night that every second that he was with her was an unexpected treasure.

“I’m here,” he repeated when she just looked at him with tears shimmering in her eyes.

“I am so sorry,” Adriene whispered.

Fenris shook his head, his brow furrowing in confusion. “There’s nothing you need to be sorry for.”

“But there is,” she insisted, her hand tightening around his fingers. She knew there was no way around telling him the truth, but at the same time, she had to fight for every word. “I didn’t tell you… I knew before but I didn’t tell you. And I am sorry.”

Again, he shook his head. “Adriene, whatever it is, it has time. You nearly died.”

“Nothing nearly about it,” she murmured, her eyes dark as she thought back to that moment when Grace’s magic had nearly ripped her apart. Her voice was hoarse and full of pain as she spoke. Fenris sucked in a sharp breath at her words, but he didn’t interrupt her. “They killed… me. Then they brought me back.”

His eyes widened at her words, but it was nothing against the shock in his face when she forced the next words out.

“I wish they had left me dead.”

A sharp intake of breath made her look towards the door where she saw Anders, followed by Isabela who carried a tray of food. A look at their shocked face was enough to tell Adriene that they had heard her words too. Her heart sank. She had hoped to get this over with before they came back… but on the other hand, they had a right to know, too. Maybe it was better this way. Closing her eyes, she bit back more tears. There was so much inside her, so many thoughts and fears entangled in pain. She had to tell them, but she wasn’t sure where to start, how to unravel it all.

Carefully, Anders closed the door behind them and they both came to the bed as Fenris focused back on Adriene.

“Don’t say that, seagull, please!” Isabela exclaimed, putting the tray on the nightstand, and sat back on the bed with a helpless, shocked expression. Fenris moved as if to let go of Adriene’s hand and get up, but Bela unceremoniously grabbed his arm to stop him, giving him a pleading look. He let out a tiny breath and tightened his grip around Adriene’s hand.

“But it’s true,” Adriene said, sorrow in her voice.

“Why would you say that?” Anders asked, careful to keep his voice soft.

Adriene’s eyes flickered from one to the other, and a tear ran over her cheek. There seemed to be an endless well of tears inside her today that she was unable to stop.

“There is something you need to know,” she said. “Fenris, do you remember the demon back in the caves last year? With Sebastian?”

Fenris nodded silently. From the look on his face, the memory of that day was a similar uncomfortable mess of confused emotions for him as it was for her. “The desire demon,” he said.

Adriene nodded. “Do you remember how it… tried to kiss me before we killed it?” She took a shuddering breath, then she continued, “I thought I managed to divert it in time, but now… I think it got to me. I think it hid inside me.” Even though she didn’t want to say it, her voice was firm as she finally let the truth out in the open. What would condemn her forever. “I’m an abomination. And you should kill me before… I change.”

“Bullshit.” Isabela’s reaction was immediate. “You’re not an abomination. You weren’t last year and you’re not now, I told you!” Her brows were drawn together as she gesticulated towards Anders. “Anders would have noticed, Justice would have noticed! Cullen, too!”

Adriene shook her head. “I don’t think they could,” she said, her voice shaking slightly. “I… it hid inside me. It’s the only thing that makes sense.”

Fenris only stared at Adriene with a look of utter disbelief. He exchanged a look with Anders who had a deep frown on his brow and shook his head.

“Adriene,” Anders said calmly, “you are not an abomination.”

She just nodded. “Yes, I am. It’s the only thing that makes sense,” she repeated. All the little things that had seemed so weird and disconnected and that now fit so perfectly together. Now that the demon had materialized, dangling that illusion of Cassia’s Harrowing in front of her, taunting her, laughing at her. “First, it stole my emotions and my dreams, then it brought the nightmares.” She looked at Isabela. “You remember that, don’t you?”

“Yes, but that’s—”

“There’s more.” Adriene took a breath, as much as her aching chest allowed. “The test for magic. From the templars. And then there is Grace. The… blood mage. It must have been the demon that she felt when… when she…” Her voice failed her for a second, and her trembling fingers came to her chest where Grace had cut her again and again.

“No,” Fenris shook his head, echoing Anders’ sentiment. Both his hands were closed around her fingers, a reassuring touch. “No, Adriene, that can’t be. You’re still you, I’m sure of it. There is nothing wrong with you.”

“But there is,” Adriene insisted. Of course they didn’t believe her, but they didn’t have all the facts. All she had learned and put together. “She said… she asked _what_ I was. And that my blood… was powerful. That’s not what normally happens, is it? She got off on it, she didn’t stop. She just kept… going until… Until…” Her voice broke.

“Adriene…” Anders started carefully, but she wasn’t done yet.

The words felt like they wanted to come, needed to be spoken. “They brought me back and started all over again. Until… Cassia came, and Grace had the knife again. I should… have died then. Again. But there was something… Cassia was there, then she was gone again and…” She took another deep breath, forcing herself to continue. “And then Alain. He spoke to me, made me talk to him. He kept me going until I couldn’t do it anymore, and then there was some… spell, powerful…” Her eyes got a faraway look as she stared through them, her voice a pained, devastated whisper. “So much magic… Like crystals, hard and red, and then… then I woke in the Fade.” 

Her voice got very quiet, the words painful and brittle on her tongue. “It spoke to me there. The demon. Told me… Showed me… Cassia in her Harrowing, about to give in to its offer.”

The others looked at each other, a flicker of something dark on Fenris’ face. Adriene blinked, a shudder going through her as she carefully pulled her hand out of his grip to bring a deliberate distance between her and him. She knew that asking for death was the right thing to do, but now that she had cheated it so often today, she felt like she could do nothing but hold on to life even more. And yet she had no right to it anymore.

Her eyes were full of sorrow as she said, “Who but a demon inside me could have brought me into the Fade? Could have shown me Cassia’s Harrowing? And if I am an abomination, there is just one thing to do.”

“There is no demon inside you,” Anders said with calm conviction before either Fenris or Isabela could give her an answer. Before she could contradict him, Anders shook his head. “Please, Adriene, listen to me. There is a reason for all of the things you have just mentioned, but it’s not demonic possession. You are not an abomination.” He said the last words with punctuated weight.

Adriene shook her head. “You can’t know that,” she said, a hint of stubbornness to her voice. “And if there is any doubt, we—”

“There is no doubt,” Anders interrupted her. His face told her that he was set on this, and she knew him well enough to know that any more contradictions would fall on deaf ears until he had said his piece. “I _know_ it. Do you believe me?”

He looked at her with such sincerity and earnestness that Adriene found something inside her relax. “I do,” she said softly. “But how…”

Anders took her hand and gave it a reassuring squeeze. “I could explain it in detail, but Cassia will want to be here for it, and I think it’s best if you rest until then.”

He was right, and she knew it. She no longer hurt everywhere, but exhaustion lay heavily on her limbs. But still, she needed more than an assurance. “Please, Anders,” she pleaded. “How can you be sure?”

For a moment, he looked thoughtful, then he sighed. “Very well. Do you remember Keran, the young templar?”

It took Adriene a moment to place the name, but then she nodded. Her mind felt still sluggish, but she remembered the whole thing from years ago — back when she had first met Cullen. The templars that had been taken by blood mages, turned into abominations. Keran, who had been captured and saved by them, who had returned to the templars unharmed.

“I yelled at Cullen back then,” she said, the shadow of a smile curling the corner of her lips.

Fenris chuckled dryly. “Of course you’d remember _that_ part.”

Anders also smiled, but it was somewhat hollow. “Then you also remember that we had to make sure Keran did not also have a demon inside. There was a simple test to see if a demon had taken possession of him, and that was an attack.” He shrugged. “How often have you been attacked in, what was it, more than a year since the desire demon?”

Adriene blinked a few times. There was no way she could even estimate the number of fights of the last year. And Anders was right, the demons in the possessed templars had shown themselves at the slightest provocation and attack. A surge of sudden hope went through her.

“Demons do everything they can to protect themselves,” Anders added. “If the desire demon had truly managed to get to you, we would have known much, much sooner. ”

“See?” Isabela said with a smile on her lips. “I told you! And now listen to your healer, eat something and sleep some more.”

Adriene let out a breath, sinking deeper into her pillows as she uselessly wiped a hand over her eyes to quell the inevitable tears. It was as if a weight had lifted itself off her chest. “You are really certain?” she still asked.

“Yes,” Anders assured her, giving her hand another squeeze.

She blinked more tears away. “So the whole thing in the Fade, with the demon, it was just… my imagination? Just another dream?”

There was a tiny hesitation in Anders that was louder than any words he could have, and like the sting of a wasp, the doubt was back in her heart, painful and sharp. But Anders just stared at her, his eyes wide.

Then, suddenly, he jumped up. “I am the stupidest person alive,” he exclaimed, a groan to his voice. “Your nightmares! Ugh!”

“What is happening right now?” Isabela asked bewildered.

“I have no idea,” Fenris murmured, drawing his eyebrows together.

Anders ignored them. “I’ll be right back,” he said and disappeared out of the room.

The others looked at each other in confusion. Before Adriene could say something, though, Isabela shook her head.

“Doesn’t matter, you, seagull, need to eat something now, Bodhan has gone all out. Also, this might be a good moment to tell you that several neighbors came by and brought flowers for the Champion of Kirkwall who saved the city. Or, for one of them at least, although I’m pretty sure Cassia gets her share as well,” she said. With resolute movements, she put a variation of food from the tray on a plate and pushed it into Adriene’s hand.

“... Champion?” Adriene asked confused. Hadn’t the Knight-Commander said something like that?

“Oh yes, you’re a hero now. Pretty sure they’re gonna build you a statue.” Isabela grinned.

While Adriene ate, suddenly very aware of the biting hunger in her stomach, Bela seemed determined to keep her every word light, talking about how the news about the Hawke twins’ heroic deeds and their new title spread through the city already, how Varric was coordinating with Aveline to help those in Lowtown who lost their home, and how, much to Varric’s chagrin, instead of hiding, Merrill had been all over Lowtown to douse fires or help otherwise until he had finally managed to take her to a safehouse.

It didn’t take long for Anders to come back, and to everyone’s surprise, he immediately began to wordlessly paint symbols on the outer wall of the room.

“What—” Fenris started.

“Warding the house,” Anders just said, pausing a second to look at Fenris. “I’ll activate it in a few minutes, just so you’re prepared.” Then he was out of the room again, leaving them speechless.

“Wards? Against what?” Adriene asked. She already felt the exhaustion back in her limbs and gave the empty plate back to Isabela, lying back into the pillows.

Fenris looked at the symbol with a frown on his face. “I’ve seen this before. This is a ward against demons. Cassia has them, too, they warded her house after that fear demon haunted her dreams.”

“But don’t demons only come to mages?” Isabela asked, tilting her head as she went to the symbol and looked at it more closely.

“As far as I know, yes,” Fenris said. “Maybe because he moved in?”

Just as he stopped talking, the symbol flared up in a gush of magic and disappeared.

“Whoa,” Bela made and took a hasty step back.

“He’ll have his reasons,” Adriene murmured, her eyes already falling closed again. With the burden of her fear of being an abomination lifted and the knowledge that both she and Cassia were safely at home, a leaden tiredness lay itself upon her. Just as she was falling asleep again, she felt Fenris touch her cheek and wipe a strand of hair out of her face with a tender caress. She smiled without opening her eyes, then sleep took her again, wrapping her in warm darkness.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For those who want to read about what happened to Adriene after the Qunari fight, head over here: [Until The Last Voice Falls Silent.](https://archiveofourown.org/works/26524291) **Beware all the trigger warnings!!**


	5. A Birthright Steeped In Blood

It was late morning, nearing mid-day already when Cassia made her way towards Adriene’s place. After their long talk in the early morning, both Cassia and Cullen chose to stay in bed for a while longer, quietly dozing and enjoying the quiet and comfort the lazy morning provided. Until Maia was no longer satisfied with entertaining herself.

After a long and thorough breakfast together, Cassia freshened up and went on her way. Around her, the impact of the Qunari attack was still visible wherever she looked. Broken windows, scorch marks, and destroyed doors that had only been temporarily fixed spoke of the horror that had happened barely two nights ago. But where the buildings looked broken, the people on the streets seemed anything but.

The city was bustling with activity. From people working to repair the damage to others running their everyday errands, it was busy all around Cassia. To her relief, most people seemed to be in a good mood, enthusiastic about having made it through something horrible instead of bemoaning their misfortune. 

What was new, though, were the looks.

Cassia had never been completely unknown since they had moved up to Hightown, but neither had she been the talk of town before. Today, everyone who saw her had something to say about it. Or a look to give her. Between friendly greetings and heartfelt handshakes, it took her much longer than usual to get to Adriene’s. It seemed like everyone, even those who hadn’t been in the Keep themselves, had heard what had happened. And they certainly had their opinions on it. 

Where most people that talked to her were friendly, wishing all the best and a quick recovery for Adriene and thanking Cassia for her quick thinking about the Arishok, there were those whose expressions had definitely turned colder now that the secret about her magic was out. Cassia tried to ignore the more unfriendly looks and the barely polite comments as she hurried along, but she couldn't help but be hyper-aware of every single one.

When she finally reached the Amell mansion, it was a relief to step inside and leave the now almost uncomfortably interested people outside behind. Bodhan let her in, telling her with a wide smile that Adriene had woken up.

As Cassia hurried up the stairs, she bumped into Anders who looked like he too was on his way to Adriene’s room.

“You look much better than yesterday already,” he greeted her with a smile, and Cassia gave him a quick hug.

“I wish I could return the compliment, but you still look like you haven’t slept in days.”

With raised eyebrows, she took in his disheveled appearance. She was well used to her friend working past his limits on the regular, but today, he looked much more overworked than he usually did.

“I just needed to…” he started, already getting defensive when he saw the smile on her face and sighed. “I’ll check on Adriene one more time, and then I’ll go to sleep, I promise,” he said with a sheepish look.

“Healers really are the worst patients,” Cassia remarked with a grin as they went up the rest of the stairs together. “Speaking of patients, how is Adriene doing?”

“Much better.” The lines of worry on his face were much less pronounced than they had been the day before. “But you can see for yourself in a moment.” Briefly, he looked behind her. “Is Cullen not here with you?”

Cassia wasn’t sure if she imagined the slight strain in his voice at the question and she sent him a curious look. “No, he was really exhausted and he has to go back to the Gallows soon, so he wanted to spend the rest of the morning with Maia,” she said. 

Anders only gave her a brief nod. He was already opening the door to Adriene’s room when Cassia added, “He wanted me to tell you something, though.”

Half in the doorway, Anders paused, waiting for her to elaborate with an unreadable expression. As if he wasn’t sure just what to expect. After what Cullen had told her about yesterday, Cassia couldn’t really blame him and she hurried to explain.

“He said to tell you that if Alain is feeling better and you want to smuggle him out of the city, you should contact him. He can rearrange the patrols and leave the harbor with less oversight and give you their routes for the day.”

From the look on Anders’ face, this wasn’t what he had expected. He blinked before nodding resolutely. “Thank you, I’ll get back to you on that when I know more.”

“Hey, in or out. Stop lingering in the doorway!” came Isabela’s voice from inside Adriene’s room, and Cassia grinned widely at the realization that Isabela was still there. Gently, she pushed past Anders, her heart suddenly light with joy as she saw that Adriene was not only awake but sitting upright in her bed.

“Please tell me you are healed enough so I can hug you,” she said with a laugh to Adriene as quick steps brought her to her side.

“You are required to!” Adriene grinned back at her. “Don’t even try to get out of this!”

Without hesitation, Cassia sat down on the side of the bed and carefully drew Adriene into her arms. “I wouldn’t dream of it!” she murmured as she held her as tightly as she dared without hurting her. 

For the longest time, they could only hold on to each other, reveling in the knowledge that they had both made it through this horrible night. That they were both here.

“How are you?” Adriene asked, wiping a hand over her wet eyes when she slowly let go of Cassia again. “Is it safe for you to be here?”

Immediately, Cassia shook her head. “I don't care! You are alive. If the Knight-Commander has a problem with me checking in on you after all this, I'll deal with it later.”

“I just don’t want you to get—” Adriene started, worry in her eyes, but Cassia would have none of it.

“I said I don’t care, and I mean it. Nothing’s more important than this right now.” Cassia gave her a smile, her fingers closed tightly around Adriene’s hand.

Adriene let out a breath, relaxing back against the headboard, and smiled back. “I guess you’re right. After talking the Arishok out of killing everyone in Kirkwall and convincing the Knight-Commander of you being a loyal follower of the Circle, it’s probably a piece of cake to make her overlook this.” She pressed Cassia’s hand. “I still can’t quite believe it worked. It really worked.”

“It worked!” Cassia repeated. She could hear in Adriene’s voice that her sister still had the same hint of disbelief within her that Cassia held. Like after everything they had been through it was almost too good to be true. Too tempting to believe they really were out of the woods for now. 

But she was here, Adriene was smiling in front of her, and Cassia pushed the lingering feeling of doubt away into the furthest corner of her mind. 

She looked at the bandages peeking out from underneath Adriene’s clothes. “Though it got way more complicated than even I had planned for,” she said quietly. A fresh wave of guilt came over her as she took in Adriene’s appearance. “I am so deeply sorry for this.” Her voice was but a quiet, miserable whisper. “Grace was after me, and what I did to her almost cost you your life.” 

“Ah, Cass,” Adriene said quietly, squeezing her sister’s hand. “Grace being a blood-magicking torturous bitch is not on you. And  _ you  _ didn’t do anything to her. That’s on the templars.”

It didn’t quite manage to quell Cassia’s feelings of guilt, but before she could say anything, Adriene added, “I’m serious, Cassia. I mean, what did you do back then? It’s not like you forced them back to the Circle at weapon’s point, you  _ told  _ them what you thought was the best solution and they agreed. So how is what Grace did afterward your fault?” She shrugged, but the moment she moved a look of pain appeared on her face and she sucked in a sharp breath.

“Are you alright?” Anders asked immediately, perking up. He had taken a seat in the armchair next to the bed while Isabela sat cross-legged next to Adriene on the bed.

Adriene gave him a quick nod and a smile before she looked back at Cassia. “Also, Grace couldn’t have done a single thing if those blighted templars hadn’t arrested me.”

“They arrested you?” Isabela interjected, a frown on her face. “I thought they abducted you from here.”

Adriene shook her head. “No. They were… it was two of them. Just like last time, the whole thing, kicking in the door, Smite… For harboring an apostate.” 

Cassia’s eyes went wide at what Adriene was telling them as she tried to make sense of it all. 

Anders narrowed his eyes, disbelief heavy in his voice. “They used a Smite? But the healing magic was still active!”

Again, Adriene shrugged, albeit looking much more careful during it as she avoided Anders’ eyes. “They didn’t really care about that as you can imagine. Forced a few potions down my throat afterward.” She rubbed a hand over her forehead, then she sighed. “Look, can we… not talk about this right now? Thing is, if I hadn’t been in the Gallows, Grace would never have had an opportunity to do… you know. That’s all I wanted to say.”

Suddenly, Linus’s presence in the cave started to make sense to Cassia. “Linus was the one who came to arrest you?”

With an uneasy look on her face, Adriene nodded briefly.

“He must have done that without his superior’s approval,” Cassia murmured more to herself than to anyone else around them. But when she saw their questioning looks, she elaborated, “Because Ser Oswald is directly above him, and he was absolutely furious about the letter and the turn of events. And in the cave, he wouldn’t even let him talk…”

A shudder went through her as her mind replayed what Oswald had done instead. What he had made her do.

In that moment, the door opened again and Fenris came in with someone right behind him.

“Look who I found in the hallway, too shy to knock,” he said, and Cassia swallowed around the sudden dryness in her throat as she recognized the mage she had last seen on the Wounded Coast. The one that had spoken up and begged for their lives before Ser Oswald’s men had cut them down. Anders had told her the night before about Alain. How he had survived and made sure Adriene had stayed alive as well. Her eyes were treacherously wet as she looked at the man who had done what she hadn’t been able to do, and without further thought, she jumped up. 

“Cassia, this is…” Anders started an introduction, but Cassia didn’t need one as she rushed past him. Without hesitation, she pulled the almost-stranger close, hugging him fiercely. 

“Thank you!” she whispered as a tear or two ran down her cheek. “Thank you so much for what you did.”

She wasn’t sure if it was surprise or apprehension, but Alain was tense under her touch, and as sudden as she had nearly assaulted him, she drew back again, wiping the remains of her tears away with her hand. 

“I apologize,” Cassia hurried to say immediately. In hindsight, after how they had met and what he had seen her do, her impulsive reaction had probably not been the best choice. ‘“I didn’t mean to…” she started, but her instinctive excuse didn’t seem enough.  “I am sorry,” she said instead, her eyes finding his as she put all her feelings into those few words. “I know it doesn’t mean much, but for what it’s worth, I am truly, deeply sorry.” She could only hope that he would understand that she meant so much more than just the single event in the cave.

“I, uhm, me too,” Alain muttered, fiddling with the hem of the simple tunic he wore. He looked much younger out of his robes, Cassia thought. He gave her a tentative smile before his eyes swept through the room, settling on Adriene, and a look of distress came onto his face as he nervously picked at the hem of his sleeve. “I mean, I’m not really in a position to judge, with what Grace did. I’m just glad I could… help… after all. In the end. Somewhat.”

“I’m just glad you’re alright,” Adriene said softly, giving him a smile before a certain gleam came into her eyes. “You saved my life. I would race into your arms as well if I could, but…” She gestured at herself, her voice getting regretful. “I’m afraid I’m not decent beneath this blanket. It could get awkward.”

Fenris snorted as he pulled up a chair. “Sure, that’s the only thing keeping you from jumping around the room,” he said dryly.

Bela grinned. “I keep telling you all that being decent is completely overrated. Anders, tell them I’m right!”

Anders just shook his head and sighed. “Honestly, I’ll gleefully take anything that will keep certain patients in bed rather than having them run around. Decency among it.”

Adriene raised her eyebrows and immediately protested, “Hey, I was good, I’m still in bed!”

Isabela groaned and shook her head. “You are all so very boring.”

A smile tugged at Anders’ lips, but he still grumbled, “Mhm, apart from that trip to the bathroom you thought I wouldn’t notice.”

“That was just… Isabela helped me!” Adriene exclaimed.

Bela groaned again, mumbling, “Traitor.”

Adriene chuckled, then she focused back on Alain who seemed in both parts more relaxed and overwhelmed from the people in the room. “Alain,” she said, getting more serious, “I mean it. I cannot thank you enough for what you did. The company, and… everything.”

He gave her a shy smile. “You kept me company as well, after all,” he said quietly. “And in the end… I mean, it saved me, too. Nobody would have come looking for me.”

The reality of that statement made Cassia shudder again. Alain was absolutely right after all. 

“I didn’t even think about that,” she admitted softly. “I was absolutely convinced everyone in that cave was dead when they dragged me away.”

It was quiet in the room for a second as the realization of just how nearly all of this had ended in disaster seemed to be on everyone’s mind.

Cassia cleared her throat, trying to push through the renewed gloom with a smile directed at Alain.

“I told Anders already, but whenever you want to leave the city, you can,” she told him as well. “Cullen said he’d reduce the patrols accordingly. And I know he is grateful for what you did as well, even if he wasn’t able to say it.”

Alain looked almost speechless for a moment. When he spoke, the nervousness was back in his voice. “I still can’t believe that the Knight-Captain…” he started before shaking his head. “I appreciate it,” he said, sounding a bit firmer, “but I am actually considering staying here. Maybe help wherever I can?” With a hopeful look towards Anders, he added, “I can heal a bit and maybe you could use another pair of hands?”

“Yes,” Adriene and Isabela said nearly at the same time.

Anders raised his eyebrows at them, but before he could say anything, Isabela added, “Anders, darling, have you taken a look into a mirror lately? You keep bemoaning your patients not getting enough rest, but you’re the  _ worst  _ at getting enough rest.” 

Adriene just nodded, even Fenris made an affirmative sound. When Anders looked at Cassia, she just shrugged. “I told you already that healers are the worst patients. That does mean you.”

Anders rolled his eyes and shook his head, then he said to Alain, “Your offer is appreciated, but you really don’t have to.” His voice was very serious as he warned, “This city was dangerous before, and after what happened, it will get worse. You would be safer if we smuggled you out.”

Alain just shook his head. “I don’t want to be safer. I want to help,” he said quietly, hugging himself. He glanced at Cassia when he added, “I thought I was safer with the templars before. Remember? I gave myself up before you even spoke to the others. And look what that got me.” Again, he shook his head. “I’d rather help.”

When he drew further into himself Cassia felt her heart clench. She didn’t even dare to imagine what the past few years in the Gallows must have been for him. Resolutely, she nodded.

“We’ll find a place for you here if you want to stay,” she assured him. “And we’ll try to keep you as safe as possible.” It was the least they could do. When he shot her a tentative smile, Cassia noticed the strain on his face. Small beads of sweat on his temple gave away that he, too, was still suffering from his injuries.

“I’m no healer, but even I can see that you actually shouldn’t be out of bed yet,” she said, sounding much sterner than she had intended.

Alain looked a bit sheepish as he replied, “I know. I just wanted to see how Adriene was doing. I should return to bed and rest more.”

“I’ll check on you again in a little while,” Anders told him as Alain bid everyone goodbye and left for the guest bedroom again. As the door closed behind him, Anders turned towards Cassia.

“Speaking of you being no healer, I saw your work on Fenris’ shoulder,” he said and Cassia flinched.

“I am so sorry if I botched anything,” she said immediately, sending an apologetic look towards Fenris before addressing Anders again. “I didn’t know what else to do and just went with what felt right. Did I make a huge mess?”

Anders chuckled as he shook his head. “No, not at all, I wasn’t going to admonish you, I wanted to tell you what a good job you did!”

Stunned, Cassia was at a loss for words.

“He is right,” Fenris added from behind her. “He didn’t need to fix anything additionally, there isn’t even a noticeable scar left, and I can almost completely use my arm again already.” He put a warm, encouraging hand on her shoulder, squeezing lightly in assurance. “Thank you for saving my life.”

_ ‘Thank you for saving my life.’ _

The words pushed through Cassia’s stupor, and like that, the tears were back in her eyes as she realized that in between all the carnage and death she had caused in the last two days there had been something undeniably good she had done. That amidst all the lying and bargaining, the demonic temptation and the killing, there was one thing she had done that had been nothing but good.

“You’re welcome,” she said with a tremor in her voice.

Before the emotion could overwhelm her, she decided to rather focus on something else for now.

“Anders, did you tell Adriene about the things we found out already?” She asked, drastically changing the topic. Thankfully, Anders seemed to have no issue with t hat. He just shook his head. Fenris pulled another chair closer to Adriene's bed as Cassia sat back down next to her sister.

“We found something in dad’s journals, just before the entire city decided to go belly-up.”

Adriene tensed and Cassia wasn’t surprised. They hadn’t talked about their father’s journal since her and Carver had brought it back, and Cassia remembered the argument she had had with her sister only too well.

Isabela carefully laid her hand on Adriene’s shoulder in a soothing gesture, and Adriene sent her a grateful look before she focused back on Cassia. “Something about that thing we found? Please tell me we don’t have to go back there after all.” A shudder went through her.

“No, no, don’t worry,” Cassia quickly assured her. “It has nothing to do with that.”

“Do you remember what we talked about when you came to this morning?” Anders interjected, leaning forward and putting his elbows on his knees. He still looked beyond exhausted, but his eyes were alert as he looked at her.

Adriene just nodded quietly as Cassia gave them a questioning look, but it was Fenris who answered. “Adriene thought the desire demon from the Harimann mansion had hidden inside her,” he said, surprisingly calm.

“What?” Cassia’s eyes were wide as she looked at her sister in shock.

Adriene shrugged somewhat unhappily. “Anders assures me that I’m not… an abomination, but I still maintain that it’s the thing that makes the most sense,” she murmured.

With a disbelieving scoff, Cassia shook her head.

“In what world would that be a thing that makes any sense at all?” she asked, but before Adriene could explain further, Cassia was already talking over her. “No, listen. I saw you nearly die twice in front of my eyes in the span of a few hours. If there were a demon in you, believe me, all of Kirkwall would have noticed!”

“That’s what I told her as well,” Anders added, but Adriene still didn’t look like she was fully believing either of them. 

Cassia clicked her tongue, making a dismissive motion with her hand. “On top of that, demons go after mages for a reason. It’s the magic that they wield that allows them their influence. I’ve never heard about a possession of someone who wasn’t a mage happening without some magical assistance.” She looked at her sister with an encouraging smile. “Even under these special circumstances, a demon that would possess you would simply trap itself in a body they could never hope to control or take over.”

“There you have it, seagull.” Isabela gently patted Adriene’s shoulder in assurance. “I told you before, and now I have not one but two mages already confirming my points. You should listen to me!”

A weak smile was on Adriene’s face at her words before she paused. “Wait, special circumstances? What special circumstances?”

“I wanted to tell you right after Anders and I found this, but there was Ser Oswald and then the Qunari,” Cassia started. It was a little unsettling to realize that her discovery had only been two days ago. It felt like half a lifetime. “So, we found in dad’s journal that what he did for the Wardens had definitely not been the last time he tried his hands at both blood magic and ancient rituals,” she explained. “In short, he and Mom tried to make sure their children didn’t have any magic at all.”

“What?” The forceful exclamation came from Fenris who looked at Cassia with wide eyes. “Your father used blood magic on you? On his own children?”

Cassia simply nodded. There was no use in making the whole thing sound less extreme than it was, after all. No matter how much she understood his motivations by now, her father had definitely crossed a line most parents would never consider.

“Before we were even born. He found an old ritual that everyone agreed would never work and he changed it somehow.” Cassia took in a deep breath before she continued with the most important bit, “It was supposed to draw any potential magic away from the unborn child.”

What she saw on Adriene’s face made her stop talking. The utter lack of surprise threw Cassia off more than anything. Together with the hint of worry she saw in her sister’s eyes.

“You already knew about this,” Cassia said with wide eyes.

Adriene was careful when she nodded, still giving her sister a concerned look. “I didn’t know it was blood magic, but Mom told me that they had tried to do that, yes,” she admitted.

“That sounds insane,” Isabela whispered, her hand on Adriene’s shoulder tightening. 

“That’s one word for it,” Anders nodded gravely. “But what is even more insane is that it seems to have worked.”

“What are you talking about?” Adriene asked, nodding towards Cassia. “It clearly didn’t! If anything, Cassia has more magic than the average person, not less!”

“Exactly,” Cassia said, taking Adriene’s hand into her own as their eyes met. “Twice the amount, to be precise.”

“So? We knew that before,” she said, sounding slightly off. “What are you trying to tell me?”

“The ritual was designed to draw the magic away from the unborn child and into your father,” Anders explained calmly.

Cassia nodded, still holding Adriene’s hand tightly. “But they didn’t know they would have twins,” she added without taking her eyes off her sister. “So the magic was only lifted from one child to the other. From you to me.”

For a long moment, Adriene only stared at Cassia. It looked almost like she was simply looking through her and Cassia swallowed. She knew that look her sister had. A look that told her Adriene was having unsettling thoughts running through her mind. Suddenly, Adriene stopped in her tracks, blinking before staring ahead. 

“So, I’m… tranquil? I’m like a Tranquil?” Her voice was curiously flat as she spoke.

Both Cassia and Anders shook their heads, exchanging a quick, worried look.

“No,” Anders assured Adriene, his voice somewhat strained. “For Tranquil, their connection to the Fade has been severed. They still have their magic, they just cannot access it. You no longer have magic, but you still have a connection to the Fade. You are still… you.”

Adriene’s eyes widened in sudden understanding. “That’s why you warded the house,” she whispered, looking at Anders. “There was a demon after all.”

“Adriene,” Cassia started, but her sister clearly wasn’t listening to her. 

“You need to destroy it,” Adriene said, her eyes flickering to Fenris who was deadly silent, a horrified, dark look on his face. “You need to destroy the diary,” she said, with urgency in her voice. “If the Chantry gets their hands on this ritual… or Tevinter…”

Fenris shook his head. “They don’t need the diary,” he said in a grim voice. “They only need to get their hands on one of you.” Abruptly, he stood up, muttering, “I need some air.” Then he left with quick steps.

Isabela exchanged an unhappy look with Adriene before she stood up as well. “I’ll go look after him,” she said, giving Adriene’s shoulder a last squeeze, and followed Fenris, leaving a heavy silence behind.

“I’m right,” Adriene said after a moment, her voice pained as she looked from Anders to Cassia, “am I not? There was a demon after all.”

Cassia was full of worry as she looked at Adriene’s haunted face. “A demon?” 

“In my nightmares,” Adriene explained before looking at Anders. “You suspected as much, didn’t you?”

With a sigh, Anders nodded. “Yes, that’s what the wards are for. Though how exactly this came to be, I am still unsure.”

Adriene’s voice was hollow as she continued. “It said that it had been with me for a long time already. Asked me if I never wondered how it could get to me so easily. I thought it meant that there was something inside me.” She shivered slightly before her eyes went back to Cassia. “You said that demons lie…”

“Very convincingly sometimes,” Cassia said with an exhausted sigh. “They twist the things you are already thinking into something you are inclined to believe. Something that seems to make sense.”

Adriene swallowed. “For a time in my dream, I thought I was seeing your Harrowing.”

“You feared you might lose her and the demon preyed on that,” Anders explained.

“It was very convincing.” Adriene had a faraway look in her eyes. “It tried to get you onto its side, saying it misunderstood what you could be together.” A shudder went through her as she talked.

“The demon probably took your fear of losing Cassia to the templars and twisted it,” Anders said with a soothing voice, but Cassia blanched at Adriene’s words. Her grip on her sister’s hand tightened for a moment, and Adriene immediately picked up on her distress.

“Cass, are you alright?” she asked.

Cassia swallowed as a possibility formed in her head. “Did he use those exact words?” she asked. 

Adriene gave her a confused look. “What exact words?”

“ _ I misunderstood what we could be together. But now I see _ …” Cassia quoted and the widening eyes of Adriene gave her the answer almost immediately. Cassia would have thought it to be impossible, but after everything they had figured out, it would be far too big of a coincidence if what Adriene had heard and seen in her nightmare wasn’t connected to her. Frantically, Cassia looked from Adriene to Anders. “That is exactly what he said to me,” she said tonelessly. Back to Adriene, she added, “And I saw you too during my Harrowing. I thought it was a shadow conjured by the demon to taunt me but…” She swallowed. “You were there!”

“It was real?” Adriene asked. The whole thing was too wild to completely wrap her head around. “But… how?”

Cassia looked just as helpless as she. Anders slowly shook his head. “The only explanation I can think of from the top of my head is that since a part of Cassia’s magic was originally tied to you, that connection still exists.” He shrugged, rubbing a hand over his beard. “So when Cassia was deliberately brought into the Fade, you were somehow dragged along. And that this connection is also what the demon used to haunt your dreams before, once it no longer had access to Cassia because of the wards. But that really is just a theory. And considering my current state of mind, probably not a very good one.” 

“So… what does this all mean?” Suddenly, Adriene sounded scared. “My connection to the Fade is that of a mage? But without the defenses a mage has? Do I have to be scared every time I go to sleep somewhere without wards? I mean, it was there before the Harrowing, and—”

“Adriene,” Anders interrupted her before she could work herself up into a panic. He came over to the bed, sitting down next to Cassia, and put a hand on her shoulder. “Calm down. Right now, we don’t really know much more than you, but thankfully, we have time. We will figure this out.”

She took a few deep breaths and nodded. Laying her hand over his, she gave both of them a tiny smile.

“Alright,” she murmured. “So, this… magical connection or, I don’t know, potential for magic is what the templars sense when they test me?” she asked. “Then that is what Grace meant, too. And the nightmares. And the…” She frowned, then shook her head. “No, it… no, that doesn’t make sense. What I had last year when I first thought there was something… wrong with me, that was still something else. I mean, if my connection to the Fade is that of a mage, or similar, what could make my dreams disappear?”

“When was that?” Cassia asked softly. Her heart hurt for Adriene as she watched her sister trying to make sense of all this new information. Even more so when she realized that Adriene had suffered far more from this than she had ever shown before. 

Cassia’s first instinct had been to ask just why her sister hadn’t said anything but she swallowed down the question. It wasn’t like she couldn’t relate to feeling like something was wrong with herself. And to the unique fear that came with it that made confiding to someone else beyond frightening. 

“The time before mom died,” came the quiet answer from Adriene, and suddenly, Cassia felt everything fall into place in her mind.

“Oh,” she breathed out in surprise before turning to Anders. “Your theory might not be as far fetched.” This bond that they had always felt between them, that now seemed to be so much more than just a feeling of belonging together, could be the answer to all of their questions, Cassia realized.

“I got all the magic,” she started to explain her theory. “But Adriene is connected to me. Like in the ritual before, I am still the conduit so what I did transferred over to her.”

Anders looked thoughtful as he let her words sink in before he nodded slowly. “That is a possibility that would make sense.” Suddenly, his eyes widened as well as he looked at Cassia, understanding just what had given her a clue. “Of course,” he exclaimed, “the time before your mother’s death!”

“Could one of you please explain?” Adriene asked with an urgency in her voice that showed her lingering unsettled state. “Not all of us speak magic after all, as we just established.”

With a pained expression, Cassia looked at her, drawing in a deep breath before speaking. “I’m afraid I am at fault for whatever you felt was wrong with you at that time,” she confessed, guilt written all over her face. “Because that was when I took the Magebane to cut myself off from the Fade and get rid of my magic.”

“Oh,” Adriene only said quietly. “I didn’t… I never even drew the parallel.”

“Of course not,” Cassia shook her head, still looking guilty. “How could you have?”

“Or you, for that matter,” Anders interjected pointedly, giving Cassia a telling look. “So please, no guilt. Neither of you could have anticipated any of this.”

Adriene’s fingers tightened around her sister’s. “Cass, you know none of this is your fault, right? So don’t even start apologizing.”

It took a moment, but then Cassia managed to give her a tentative smile. “Alright,” she said.

Adriene smiled back, then she drew her sister into another embrace. “I love you,” she murmured. “My head’s still swimming from all of it, but we’ll figure this out.”

Cassia’s embrace tightened for a moment as she drew in a deep breath. “I love you, too,” she said softly before she let go again. “And yes, we will.”

“For now, though, all of us need to get more rest,” Anders said. He gave Adriene’s shoulder a careful squeeze and got up.

“No quick stop by the clinic before!” Adriene said quickly, raising her eyebrows at him. “‘All of us’ includes you.”

Anders chuckled. “Duly noted,” he said.

“I mean it!” she insisted.

Cassia grinned and got up as well after kissing her sister on the cheek. “Don’t worry, Adriene, I’ll make sure he goes to his room. I’ll come visit you again soon.”

Adriene smiled, but there was still a look of worry on her face. “Don’t get into trouble for my sake, please.”

“I won’t. I’ll find a way,” Cassia assured her. Then she smiled at Anders. “Come on, let’s get you to bed,” she said, laughing at his defeated look as they turned to leave.

Cassia closed the door to Adriene’s bedroom behind them and followed Anders towards the stairs when he stopped her with a serious look on his face.

“I can almost hear your mind working,” he started gently. “I meant what I said earlier, don’t take on this burden! It wasn’t your fault and you had no way of knowing.”

Briefly, Cassia was tempted to simply do what she had done a moment ago with Adriene. To nod in compliance and let the matter rest, but something in her needed to talk about this. 

“I didn’t know, but that doesn’t mean that I am not responsible,” she finally said.

“Cassia…”

She could see his face fall and hear the pleading tone in his voice, but Cassia shook her head. “No, Anders,” she interrupted, “Not knowing something does not magically absolve me of either responsibility or guilt.”

He sighed, looking around them for a moment. They were alone, but still, they stood in an open hallway, and Cassia knew only all too well how much voices could carry in the house. “This is not a conversation to have on top of the stairs,” Anders murmured quietly before gently taking her arm and leading her the few remaining steps into his room. When the door was closed, he gave her a pleading look. “I don’t want you to go down another dark path again, Cassia. I  _ know  _ you. You are able to convince yourself of the most awful things about yourself.”

“That’s not what I am doing here,” Cassia assured him. Though she couldn't fault her friend for worrying about her. They had been through too much together by now, too many situations where Cassia had embraced the very worst thoughts about herself, and she knew his concern didn’t come out of nowhere. Still, this felt different somehow. 

“I know I wasn’t willfully malicious,” she said, trying to make him understand where her thoughts went. “I don’t think I am an evil person, but you know what I am for sure? Responsible! I  _ am _ responsible for what happened to Adriene, both with my Magebane abuse and also when it comes to Grace.”

Anders shook his head vehemently. “Grace’s deeds were her own, you did not make her do anything!”

Cassia let out a frustrated sigh. How was she supposed to explain to him what exactly she meant? “I agree,” she started again. “But I caused the overall situation that led to all of this. We could have let them go back then, remember?”

A shadow fell over Anders’ face as she invoked memories of a time where they had not seen eye to eye on anything. Of a mission that had led to a shouting match in a backroom of the Hanged Man. Of unkind things said and cutting misunderstandings. 

“I remember…”

“In fact,  _ you _ would have let them go,” Cassia pointed out. “We argued about this, but I wanted things done a certain way. Partly because I didn’t know any better, and partly because I wanted what was best for me and what I thought was best for my family  — at that time.” It wasn’t a pleasant memory. Especially not now when she knew what had come from all of this. Her voice was much quieter as she continued, “I know I did not make Grace hurt Adriene, but it would be very dishonest to pretend like I had no influence at all. I made a bad choice, and it had ripple effects, and people got hurt. Just like with the Magebane.” 

A flash of renewed pain went through her at the thought of those consequences. By now, it had become a familiar pain whenever her mind went there, and Cassia knew in her heart that, no matter how much she convinced herself that it had been an accident, the pain would never completely fade. Just as she had started to realize that, even though the pain lingered, it didn’t paralyze her anymore. It was just  _ there _ _._ It was a part of her now. One she would have to learn to make peace with. 

“I made that choice,” she said quietly. “I didn’t know what would happen, but I am still responsible for it. The consequences are on me.”

Something in Anders’ eyes had changed. For a moment, he looked at her as if he was seeing her for the first time, as if he was trying to assess her anew. After a few more seconds, he seemed to relax and his eyes became softer again.

“I know about making choices and learning to live with them, so yes, I understand,” he said, his voice full of sympathy. “I just wanted you to…”

He trailed off, but Cassia felt like she knew exactly what he had wanted to say. “To make me feel better?” One look at him confirmed her thoughts. “I know, and I appreciate it, and I love you for it. But I am not a small child that needs to be protected from the ugly truth that she is bound to make mistakes, no matter how much my siblings want to shield me from all of that.” Both Carver and Adriene had always gone out of their way to be reassuring. And Cassia couldn’t blame them for it. After all, her own tendency to have the bleakest opinion possible about herself left them little choice. But if Cassia had learned one thing over the past few years, it was that that particular outlook was no way to live.

“I can handle it,” she assured Anders without hesitation. “I made bad choices, and I will learn to live with it. I don’t need people to tell me it’s alright or that I am certainly forgiven. That’s not the point.” She wanted to be a person that didn’t need to be coddled, after all, and that meant she had to accept responsibility at some point. “What I do need is to remember those things I did wrong and learn from them, so I won’t make the same mistakes over and over again.”

“That sounds grim, but not untrue. And like a good plan actually,” Anders said with a smile.

The smile was infectious, and Cassia couldn’t help but return it. “You know, I was thinking, maybe one day I could even make up for it. By helping others. Like you do.”

Anders’ eyebrows rose at her declaration. “That sounds like you have a plan for it already. Let’s hear it.”

“You know, healing Fenris came surprisingly easy,” Cassia started. “I was terrified my magic would go haywire, but it didn’t. Instead, I felt incredibly calm during and after it. And I thought, maybe that is something you could teach me more about. Healing, I mean.” It had only been a loose idea until now, but somehow Cassia felt more sure of it than she had before. “So I can use all this magic I have for something good instead of just feeling dreadful about having it at all.”

Anders’ smile turned into a wide grin before he drew her into a brief hug. “That is a wonderful idea, of course I’ll help you,” he murmured before drawing back and giving her a fond look. “You are certainly not the same person I’ve met all those years ago when you came to Kirkwall.”

“I sure hope not!” Cassia chuckled. “I like to think that I am at least seven percent less self-involved.”

At her playful tone, Anders let out a snort. “Ah, I wouldn't go so far as to say…” He got interrupted as Cassia swatted his shoulder. “Hey!”

“Seven percent! At least!” She narrowed her eyes at him, her voice overly serious. It couldn’t quite hide her amusement underneath. “And besides, you’re the one who just said I changed!”

“Very true,” he admitted, still smiling as he turned more serious again. “And I wholeheartedly meant it!”

Somehow that managed to make Cassia feel far more at ease than any of the assurances about things not being her fault had. “Well, you did as well,” she said, equally as fond. When Anders looked like he was ready to argue, she stopped him. “The you that went with me into the Deep Roads would have never even considered one day being on a friendly base with a templar for instance.”

It drew another chuckle from him. “I would have declared you insane if you would have suggested that back then.” The smile got less as a shadow appeared on his face again. “Though I am not certain how much of that is left after yesterday…”

And just like that, the playful mood had completely disappeared.

“Cullen told me the gist of what happened,” Cassia said quietly. She could scarcely imagine what the situation must have felt like for either of them. “That must have been… intense.”

Anders nodded gravely. “It nearly came to blows. From both sides.”

She could see how heavy the situation weighed on him. Now, it was her turn to be encouraging as she put a hand on his shoulder, trying to be supportive. “Well, to be fair, you were both exhausted and mad with grief. Add to that the complete surprise on Cullen’s side and the protectiveness Justice displays about you, and you have an explosive mix.” If she was honest about it, she would have expected the situation to escalate under these circumstances. “Luckily, both Isabela and Fenris were there.”

“Indeed,” Anders agreed. “Isabela was harsh, but she was absolutely right. And Fenris…” He shook his head in disbelief. “That he of all people would be the one to keep a cool head and diffuse the situation...”

That, on the other hand, wasn’t surprising to Cassia at all. “Well, Fenris is practical and he knows both of you well enough to know what makes you tick,” she said with a shrug. “He doesn’t always say much, but he is very perceptive and quite good at mediating conflict.”

Anders seemed to ponder her words for a moment before he nodded. “That he is. I guess I am still surprised he actually defended me.  _ Us. ” _

“Why?” The surprise in Cassia’s voice was clear as day. “This is the man that goes to pick you up in Darktown once a week to keep you safe from patrols for more than half a year by now. And  _ this _ is what surprises you?”

Anders blinked, and Cassia had to snicker at the comically confused look on his face as she wondered just why each and every one of her friends seemed to have some terrible blind spot when it came to read someone else’s intentions.

“Don’t tell me you fell for his whole  _ ‘I like my food hot’ _ bit. That was such bullshit!” When Anders didn’t say anything and just kept giving her a look full of disbelief, Cassia shook her head as her snickering turned into actual laughter. “Oh, the kind of nonsense Fenris comes up with when he doesn’t want to admit that he cares about someone will never cease to baffle me!” Just like Anders’ particular ability to be absolutely blind and unable to see when people truly appreciated him had just again reached a new high. Briefly, she drew him and all his confusion into a quick hug again before she stepped back.

“But you are supposed to sleep and relax,” she declared. “And with this wonderful little bit of food for thought, I’m gonna leave you to that now and hurry home because I also need more sleep. And a lot more reassuring nose-kisses from my daughter.”

Anders looked almost grateful for the change of topic as he hurried to agree with her. “You are right, I should get some rest. You take care!”

“Always!” Cassia grinned as she went to leave, but in the doorway she turned around once more. “Oh, and Anders? If you are worried about where you stand with Cullen, may I suggest you simply talk to him?” This advice was something she fully planned to give Cullen as well. “I have the sneaking feeling he might be just as thrown off as you are, and nothing but clearly addressing that will make that go away, trust me.”

Anders looked a tad apprehensive, but he nodded nonetheless and even managed a tentative smile. “I’ll take that under advisement.”


	6. Through Tempestuous Winds

Isabela found Fenris in the garden, agitatedly walking up and down.

“Hey,” she said, leaning in the doorway. He barely mumbled a reply, just glancing her way. Bela narrowed her eyes at him. “Please don’t tell me that the whole potential mage thing is a sudden dealbreaker for you.”

Her words made him stop in his tracks and he turned towards her. “What?” he said, somewhat incredulously. He blinked, then he shook his head, raking a hand through his hair. “No, I…” he started, but she didn’t let him finish.

“Seriously, if you tell me you can’t be with her because she might have been a mage and you can’t deal with that, I’m going to smack you.” Isabela cocked her head, looking at him with a clear provocation in her eyes. “She’s not suddenly another person, you know.”

“That is not it,” he grumbled, glaring at her. “But neither can I ignore it.”

She shook her head. “Why? Why can’t you just ignore it?” The challenge was clear in her voice. She had no intention of just letting him off the hook, not this time.

But Fenris met her gaze without flinching away. “Because I’m not a free man, Isabela, don’t you understand?” he hissed, taking a step towards her. “I’m still looking over my shoulder every step of the way! You don’t know Danarius!”

“But Danarius is not here!” Isabela countered. “Why can’t you just—”

“Because this is not about me!” Fenris snapped fiercely. He looked so angry and upset that Isabela was taken aback for a second. When she didn’t immediately say something, Fenris let out a breath and closed his eyes. “Do you know how often I have told myself exactly what you said just now?” he asked from between gritted teeth. Again, he shook his head, his eyes shimmering angrily as he looked at her. “Danarius is not here. Why not just go to her. To you.”

Isabela froze at the unexpected words, a familiar tug in her heart. But Fenris was not yet done, and he spoke before she had time to quite process it.

“Why not enjoy some— something. Happiness. Just a night. A month. A year.” All of a sudden, the anger in his voice seemed to bleed completely out of him, and a yearning and wistfulness came into his face that it tore into her very soul. Isabela pushed herself off the doorframe and took a step towards him.

“Fenris…” she started nearly softly, but again, he shook his head.

“I can’t. Because as soon as I let my guard down, he’ll catch up. And then it won’t just be about me.” Pure pain was in his voice as he spoke. “The last time he caught up, I killed… everyone.” A shimmer ran through his tattoos, and he balled a fist, looking at his hand in disgust. “They were my friends, they saved me, gave me a home — and I killed every single one of them.”

Now, Isabela could no longer stay away and she crossed the distance between them with a few steps, laying a hand on his arm. “Fenris, you’re no longer the same person you were back then. You won’t hurt us, I know it,” she said.

Fenris snorted a humorless laugh, unspeakable memories behind his eyes. “You say that now, but—”

Bela interrupted him. “No but,” she assured him. “I know you. We know you. And we trust you.”

For a second, Fenris was very silent, then he closed his eyes and shook his head. “You shouldn’t,” he murmured. “I don’t even know how I would react now. If he can just pull a lever in my head and I’m his puppet again.” Pressing his lips together, he looked to the side. “But even if not… It would only take a moment of hesitation, Bela, and he would get them. Or just simple failure on my part. What if I don’t manage to kill him? Do you think he’d be content with my body and his lyrium and leave?” A dark look came into his eyes as he shook his head again. “Oh no. He would try to get his hands on you all. On those who had dared to help his slave.”

He spat the word out as if it disgusted him to have it on his tongue, and her fingers tightened on his arm in an effort to soothe him. Fenris’ eyes came back to her, softening as he looked at her. All of a sudden, his hand came up to touch her cheek, just a tiny touch. But it was enough to unsettle her in its softness, and Bela sucked in a sharp breath as her thoughts scattered. Few men managed to surprise her.

“Thinking about you as his slaves is bad enough,” Fenris continued, seemingly oblivious to her surprise. “But knowing what I know now? Slavery would be the least of your problems.” His hand fell down, and he went back to pacing, leaving Isabela’s hand to fall down again. “You heard what Adriene said about the blood mage that tortured her — she was drunk on her. There’s power in her blood. Even though the magic was taken! Just imagine what a blood mage could do with Cassia’s blood and power.” His voice turned cold and cruel as he spoke, but Isabela knew that it wasn’t directed at her. Still, a shiver ran down her spine at his next words. “Neither Adriene nor Cassia would be household slaves. They would be bred for power. And there would be experiments with their blood and magic, even without that ritual of their father’s. He would want that power for himself.”

Isabela’s eyes widened as she followed his line of thought. The possibility that Danarius would win had never even quite crossed her mind, even less what would happen with all of them if he did. The thought was chilling, and unwittingly, she balled her hands to a fist. But no. No. She shook her head.

“Fenris, he will not get them! Neither will he get you!” she exclaimed, following him until she stood before him. “Come on, do you really think we will let that happen? You’re not alone in this, remember?”

Fenris looked at her with burning eyes. “Bela, you have not faced someone like him before,” he said quietly.

She scoffed. “Please. Adriene, Merrill, Varric, and Carver took down one of the original magisters who got into the Golden City. What is Danarius against that?”

He had no immediate answer to that, and his shoulders sank. “I don’t know,” he admitted eventually. “But right now, Adriene is in no condition to fight anyone, least of all a magister from Tevinter.” Isabela could see the muscles in his jaw work before he said, “Remember the fight against Hadriana?”

“Ugh, yeah, that was a bitch,” Bela grumbled. She remembered the continuous spells, the ripples in the Fade, and the demons Hadriana had summoned only too well. She even had a scar to show for it. “Both she and the fight, I mean.”

Fenris nodded, looking grim. “Yes. And Hadriana was not a magister. She was Danarius’ apprentice. Powerful in her own right, but Danarius easily overpowers her.”

Isabela blinked. Shit. That did not sound good.

But Fenris wasn’t quite done yet. “But the main problem is that I’m not even sure that Danarius would risk an open fight,” he continued, getting agitated again. “I am sure he has his eyes on me somehow, and if he gets his hands on you, any of you… I don’t know what I would do. And the closer I am to someone, the more at risk they are.”

“This was never about you,” Isabela said all of a sudden, making Fenris pause. She felt the need to slap herself for not thinking far enough. “Shit, and here I thought it was you having commitment issues or not knowing what you want.”

All of a sudden, Fenris looked uncomfortable. Slowly, he shook his head. “Yes and no,” he then admitted. “It was… both. In a way, at least. I’ve known for years what I want, even though it took me a while to admit it to myself, but ever since, it’s…” Abruptly, he stopped talking, his eyes getting a faraway look as he stared past Isabela at something only he could see. “I’m a slave, Bela,” he said quietly. “No matter how far away from Tevinter I am, how long I haven’t seen Danarius, I’m still his slave. Not a single day goes by that I don’t think of him, that I don’t imagine what happens once he turns up.”

“You’re going to kill him, that’s what’s going to happen,” Isabela said with an ease she didn’t quite feel.

Fenris shook his head, looking back at her. “And what if not?” he just asked, his eyes dark. “The last time, it took him only a look and an order, and I was his again, mindlessly doing anything he asked me to do. Maybe you’re right and I’ve changed enough that it won’t happen again, but what if not?” His voice was heavy with pain as he spoke. “I would be responsible for all your suffering. I know you trust me, I know Adriene trusts me, and Cassia too. But I don’t trust myself.”

For a moment, silence fell, and Isabela looked at him unhappily. His words touched at a sore spot within herself. Adriene and the others had trusted her, too, more than she had deserved. More than she still deserved. A trust she had willfully broken as she had left them behind. Something dark twisted inside her, and for a second, she could feel that overwhelming urge to run away from it all again, to run away until the only thing around her were the salty breeze and the freedom of the ocean. Like she had that last fateful night. The urge was gone as quickly as it had come, replaced by the inevitable knowledge that she had felt on the bow of the ship towards Ostwick already — she was caught by the complex emotions, the love and friendship of her chosen family here in Kirkwall. And as long as there was hope that she could earn her place at their side again, she wouldn’t leave again. Somehow, that knowledge brought its very own feeling of freedom with it.

“Don’t leave,” Isabela blurted out.

Fenris blinked, his eyebrows rising as he looked at her. “What?”

“Don’t leave,” she repeated, urgency in her voice. “Don’t make the same mistake I did, Fenris. Regret is an ugly thing to live with, you know.”

“I know,” he said so quietly that she wasn’t quite sure if she had heard him correctly at first. Before she could ask him about it, he added a bit more clearly, “You don’t have to, though. You came back.”

Isabela shrugged, looking to the side. “Yes, well.” A half-smile on her lips that barely covered the surge of emotions inside her, she put one hand on her hip, giving him a well-practiced smoldering look as she inched closer. “I know how lost you are without me,” she smiled.

Fenris let out a breath that sounded like he wasn’t sure whether he wanted to laugh or groan. “Really, Bela? Flirting? Now?”

Her smile only widened as she cocked her head. “There’s never a bad time for flirting. Especially not if it helps to remind a certain someone to stay the fuck put.”

With raised eyebrows, she gave him a scorching look until Fenris sighed. “I wasn’t going to leave,” he said somewhat defeated.

“Oh, good,” she breathed, her smile easing into something much more honest and relieved. It was that moment that something in the way they looked at each other shifted. Suddenly, Isabela could feel her heart in her throat. Fenris made a tiny movement, his hand reaching for her, making her thoughts stutter and dissipate. Before he could touch her, though, a shadow fell over his face, and his fingers curled in on themselves.

Taking a deliberate step backward to put some distance between them, he shook his head. “I… Sorry.”

Isabela let out a breath, disappointment and regret warring inside her. “It’s fine,” she said, her voice a bit unsteady.

Fenris looked like he wanted to say something else, but then he only shook his head again and turned to leave. When he was at the door, he said over his shoulder, “Tell Adriene I’ll come by again soon. I just need some time to… think.”

Bela nodded. “Don’t take too long.”

Fenris inclined his head, then he left without looking back, leaving her alone in the garden. Isabela rubbed both hands over her face, taking a few deep breaths. She could still feel the lingering exhaustion in her body, and all of these emotional reveals did not make it easier. Seas, she was looking forward to an early night. Preferably right next to Adriene. An excited, giddy, and nervous feeling went through her at the thought, and she shook herself before she went back inside.

She walked back up the stairs, but just as she was about to go into Adriene’s bedroom, the door to Anders’ room opened, and Cassia came out. Isabela couldn’t help the grin spreading over her lips as Cassia looked up. “Well, well, look at that. We’re back to _that_ , are we?” she teased. “How does Cullen feel about it?”

Cassia laughed at Isabela’s suggestive tone. “I should probably ask him one day, that could lead to some very interesting reactions,” she said with raised eyebrows.

“Oh, he is a possessive one then? Figures!” Isabela had a glint of mischief in her eyes as she grinned. “You should absolutely do that. And I wanna hear all about what happens after!”

“I don’t think Cullen would approve of me gossiping about those parts of our relationship,” Cassia said, still amused.

Isabela only huffed. “Fine, I’ll ask him myself then.”

Cassia’s eyes flickered to Adriene’s door before she looked back at Isabela, and a telling, soft smile settled on her face. Without preamble, she stepped closer and drew Isabela into a hug.

“I am really glad you came back, Bela,” she said, somewhat quieter than before. 

The teasing grin on Isabela’s face turned into something more gentle, more honest as she hugged her back. “Me too!”

When they drew apart again, Cassia was a bit more serious. “Are you going to stay then? For real?”

Isabela shot a brief look at Adriene’s closed door before she just nodded once. “Yes. I’m staying.”

The relief on Cassia’s face at the straightforward answer and the lack of hesitation was obvious, and Bela’s smile widened.

“Good!” Cassia breathed. “Don’t get me wrong, I am absolutely elated you are back, and I am truly, honestly incredibly happy for both you and Adriene if this might finally lead to something where you are both comfortable with what is going on between you,” she added in a warm but undeniably serious voice. “But I think you should know that I am not nearly as open to the whole forgive-and-forget-thing as Adriene is.”

Isabela looked stricken for a moment. “You’re still angry that I left in the first place,” she said carefully before sighing briefly. “Understandable.”

Cassia shook her head. “I am not mad at you,” she said quietly. “The forgive-part is not the issue. I can even understand why you thought you had to do that, and the Maker knows I am no stranger when it comes to doing the wrong thing.” She took a deep breath as she looked at her friend. “It’s the forget-part that is difficult for me.”

Isabela’s eyes widened as she realized where Cassia was going with this and a hint of a smile came back onto her face. “Oh, is this what I think it is?”

“Probably,” Cassia said dryly. “Listen, I just want Adriene to be happy. And you make her happy, there is absolutely no doubt.” Her voice was still quiet but it held a firm, slightly colder edge to it as she added, “You have a second chance here, and I am absolutely willing to forgive everything that happened up until now. But if you do it again?” Her eyes narrowed for a moment. “If you run away and hurt Adriene again, I will absolutely make certain that you won’t get a chance to do it a third time.”

Isabela looked at her with uneasy eyes and swallowed. She remembered what Cassia had done to the necromancer who had killed Leandra only too well, and the absolute cold seriousness in her friend’s eyes told Bela that she meant every word. With all the uncomfortable implications. But then, it was not like she could blame Cassia. On the contrary, if she were in her place, she probably wouldn’t have given a warning. A wide smile spread over her face and with well-practiced ease, the glint came back into her eyes.

“This was absolutely what I thought it was,” she said with a small laugh before she turned serious again for a moment. “I hear you. Message received. I won’t mess this up again, special sailor’s promise!”

She could see the second that Cassia relaxed, all the sternness and slight tension between them dissipating again. “I believe you, you know?” she said with a smile. Isabela blinked in surprise, but Cassia already continued, “I really just want my sister to be happy. And I want my friend to be happy as well. So…” With a nod towards Adriene’s door, Cassia’s smile turned into a grin that managed to send a warm feeling straight into Isabela’s heart. “Go and make that happen already, will you?”

“Already on it,” Isabela replied with a matching grin. She gave Cassia a little wave and went back into Adriene’s room. She had a second chance, and she wasn’t going to waste it.

__

After Cassia and Anders had left, Adriene tried to go back to sleep.

The combination of potions and Anders’ magic had worked wonders, and most of her wounds were already healing very well; the shallower cuts nearly closed. The worst injuries were still the stab wounds from the Arishok and Grace. But Anders had assured her that even though they would leave scars and might hurt for a while longer, they were no longer life-threatening. Thankfully, Grace’s magic had not done much damage. It seemed that she had been content to forcefully rip out whatever power Adriene had within her blood and enjoyed the pain it had caused. But it had also cost Adriene a lot of blood. Anders said it would take a while to completely recover from it. Until her body had replenished the loss, she would tire easily.

She could already confirm that last part. The whole conversation, the revelations, and reactions had left her utterly exhausted. Her limbs felt leaden and heavy, the whole room somewhat too bright. And yet, the thoughts and emotions swirling through her head seemed intent on not letting her find any rest. She was still barely grasping the extent of what Cassia and Anders had told her. What did it mean for her future? Did it mean something for her future at all? Was she even the person she should have been? Was there something else wrong with her?

And then there was the dark fear and sadness when she thought of Fenris’ reaction. Not that she could blame him. With everything that happened to him, how could she hope he’d be able to look past this? She was a… _something_ between mage and non-mage, touched and changed by blood magic. More than once. She only remembered Grace’s ecstasy only too well when she had tasted her blood. And with Fenris’ aversion to everything magical, how could this not drive him further away?

Adriene took a deep breath and wiped a hand over her eyes, shaking the thoughts off before snuggling deeper beneath the covers. It didn’t matter for now. It was not like she could change anything. She should really get some sleep.

Only a second later, she opened her eyes again. Even though it was still bright daylight and she knew that Anders had warded the house against demons, she couldn’t quite help the unease at being alone again. What if the nightmares still came back? So far when she had woken and fallen asleep, there had always been someone with her. The last time, she had found Fenris sleeping half lying on her bed with his head on his arms. A surge of softness went through her at the memory, inevitably followed by a tinge of sadness as she remembered how he had abruptly left the room. Her heart sank at the thought, a familiar pain going through her. Would this destroy everything they had so carefully built between them?

Before her thoughts could spiral down even more into a heart-wrenching sadness, the door opened, and Isabela came back in.

“Isabela!” Adriene said with a delighted, tired smile, shoving the misery that had threatened to crawl up her throat back down. “Come to check up on me again?”

“Oh, I’m not checking up on you,” Isabela assured her, coming over to sit on the bed. “I’m just here for the…” Her eyes swept through the room until they settled onto the nightstand where an assortment of potions stood. Taking one, she continued, “For the potion-flavored whiskey.”

Adriene chuckled. “It’s just a potion, silly.”

“Oooh,” Isabela said and put it back with a grin. “That explains so much.”

Adriene chuckled again, moving her hand towards Isabela who took it tightly between hers, turning a bit more fully towards her. When her eyes met Isabela’s, Adriene felt like the silence between them was screaming with unspoken words. And at the same time, the only thing that mattered when she looked at her was the careful happiness inside her. Something had changed after Isabela’s return, she felt it. Not even the perpetual remnants of pain in her body nor the overwhelming news from earlier could drown that out.

“How is Fenris?” she asked softly, unable to keep the anxiety completely from her voice. “Will he be… back?”

“Yes, don’t worry,” Isabela nodded, squeezing her hand. “He explicitly asked me to tell you that he’ll be by again soon. He just needs a moment to wrap his head around the whole thing.”

A breath of relief left Adriene. “Yes, me too.”

“I can imagine,” Isabela said, her eyes full of feeling. “How are you holding up?”

Adriene shrugged slightly. “I honestly don’t know what to think of the whole thing. I have no idea what it all means…”

“Nothing.”

Adriene blinked in surprise at Isabela’s steadfast assurance, and Bela nodded, a smile appearing on her lips.

“I told Fenris as much, too, and I’m still convinced of it,” she said. “It doesn’t really matter what your parents did. I mean, of course it _matters_ , but not when it comes to who you are now. You’re still you.” With a bit of pathos, she added, “The Champion of Kirkwall!”

Adriene huffed an uneasy laugh. “Some title that is,” she muttered. She was not quite convinced by Isabela’s words, but she appreciated the sentiment behind it and was only too glad to postpone any further thoughts about it to some later time. The knowledge that it had not pushed Fenris away from her for good already took a huge weight off her chest, and she could breathe easier. Especially with Isabela still holding her hand tightly.

“I told you, they’re going to build you a statue. You and Cassia,” Isabela grinned. “You’ll see.”

Adriene scoffed and shook her head. “I really think Kirkwall has bigger problems than building statues after what the Qunari did to her.”

The mention of the Qunari was enough to make Isabela tense up again. Adriene felt the switch in the mood immediately, and her eyes were full of worry as she looked at her friend.

“Seagull,” Isabela started after a moment, nervousness in her voice. “Remember what you said when I came back? Before the duel?”

Adriene drew her eyebrows together as she thought back, but the events of the night already started to blur together into a big bloody mess. Something about ruining her reputation? She slowly shook her head. “I’m pretty sure it was something heroic and good, something along the lines of ‘I’m so glad you’re back, you did the right thing, my savior, please seduce me right here and now’?”

Isabela laughed loudly, taking Adriene’s hand up to her lips and pressed a kiss onto it, sending a tingling surge of happiness through Adriene. “Something like that.” She still chuckled, but when she smoothed her thumb over Adriene’s knuckles, she got more serious. “The thing is,” she said, “it may have been the right thing, but it was also the dumb thing. The relic was mine. I should have kept running. It’s not like you needed me.” The smile had bled from Isabela’s lips, and her eyes were very intense as she looked at Adriene. “You could have stormed the Keep and slaughtered all the Qunari if you had to. You and Aveline. I mean, look at her. She’s a woman-shaped battering ram.” Adriene chuckled slightly, but Isabela wasn’t quite done. “And with Cassia to back you up, nobody would have been able to stop you. You didn’t need me.”

For a moment, Adriene just looked at Isabela, a bit unsure what exactly it was that her friend wanted to tell her. When she didn’t continue, Adriene asked, “So why did you return?”

Bela let out a deep sigh. “Because…” It was as if the words didn’t quite want to come, and Isabela shrugged somewhat helplessly. Then she continued in a very soft voice, “Because I found that I need you.”

Adriene became very still at the words, unable to look away from Isabela and barely daring to breathe. Did she hear that right or did her mind play tricks on her? But Bela didn’t wait for her to answer.

“I stood there on the bow of the ship towards Ostwick, and I knew I had made it. I knew this was it, this was the thing I had worked towards for so long. Just take the damned relic to Castillon, and I would have been free to roam the seas again.” With one hand, she made a sweeping gesture as if she was already on a ship looking over the whole of the ocean, a twinkle in her eyes that died again when she looked back at Adriene. “But then I thought of you and how I had just… left you to clean up my mess. How you would have to pay the price for my freedom, and… I couldn’t. I knew I had to come back to at least try and fix this.”

Adriene’s eyes were soft as she looked at Isabela, a smile in the corner of her lips. Her heart beat nervously, and despite Isabela’s disarming honesty, she wasn’t quite sure where this would lead. “This is it again, isn’t it?” she asked, a familiar humor swinging in her voice that accompanied nearly every talk between them. “The moment where I tell you that this is the right thing to do, call you my savior and ask you to seduce me?”

To her surprise, Bela didn’t take the bait to tease her, though. Instead, her fingers tightened around Adriene’s. “That’s it, though, isn’t it? I’m not a savior. I couldn’t protect you, and even though I came back, you still got hurt. So badly…” She swallowed hard.

“Bela,” Adriene started, but Isabela interrupted her immediately.

“No, please, seagull, let me finish. Let me say my piece and then you can still throw me out.” When Adriene started to protest, she quickly held up a finger. “Shush!”

Obediently, Adriene closed her mouth, nodding to indicate that she was going to be quiet for the moment.

“What I wanted to say is… I’m sorry. Not only for what happened but also for what I said. In the letter, and… before.” She took another deep breath, pain in her eyes. “It wasn’t fair. You’re more than an ally, you’ve been more from the start. And I know you have my back. I was trying to convince myself that I didn’t need you, that I was better off without you. More importantly… that you were better off without me.”

There was a tone to Isabela’s voice that Adriene had never heard before and it took her a moment to place it — it was fear. She closed her fingers more tightly around Isabela’s, trying to show her that there was nothing to be scared of, but she kept silent.

“Seagull… Adriene,” Isabela started anew, giving herself a shake. “I know nothing will ever make up for what happened. For what I caused to happen. And I know I don’t have the right to ask you this, but I’m still going to. Can you… forgive me?”

“Yes,” Adriene answered immediately and without hesitation.

Isabela blinked in surprise. “That was quick.”

Adriene chuckled slightly, then she got serious again. “Bela, I’m not going to pretend that I wasn’t hurt when you left. It felt like my heart was ripped apart, and I kept asking myself where I went wrong, where I made you feel like you couldn’t rely on me.”

“You didn’t—” Isabela started, but this time, Adriene interrupted her.

“No, my turn now, let me talk.”

Bela nodded silently, and Adriene took a breath before she continued. “I can still not quite understand why you never talked about the whole thing. Maybe I never will. But the fact remains — you came back.” She shrugged slightly. “You know what I felt when you walked into that room like you had no care in the world? Happiness. Of course I was surprised, but mainly, I was so damned happy to see you.” Her eyes softened as she looked at Isabela. “And as people like to remind me, I nearly died a few times since then, and in between was enough time to ponder what and whom I would lose, what I missed, what I never got to say.” A lopsided smile came to her lips that held a hint of pain before she continued, “And the fact is, I don’t want to be angry with you. I’m just so glad that I got to wake up again and you’re still here. Forgiving you is the easiest thing right now.” There was the tiniest hesitation before she added more quietly and with a hint of apprehension, “At least if you mean to stay.”

Isabela’s eyes were shining with unshed tears, but the smile on her lips was wide and genuine. “I do,” she whispered softly, leaning forward without letting go of Adriene’s hand. And then, she kissed her, softly and carefully as if she wasn’t quite sure of how Adriene would react.

At first, it was barely a flutter of a touch, Isabela’s breath washing over Adriene like a wave of warmth that made her whole body tingle in anticipation. Bela’s lips brushed over hers, nearly hesitantly, but the moment they touched, every doubt Adriene might still have harbored disappeared in the rush of emotion that drowned out every thought. Her hand came up to bury itself in Isabela’s hair and she pulled her close, lips opening to draw her in. A soft moan came from her throat as Isabela’s hand came to cup her face, her calloused fingers sliding over her cheek to her neck as she deepened the kiss. It should have been slow, but right now, Adriene didn’t care for slow. She had waited, she had _longed_ for this for so long that she felt like she would cease to exist if they ever stopped again. Isabela’s lips were soft and demanding at the same time, waking a fire inside her she had nearly forgotten existed. Adriene’s fingers curled into Bela’s silken locks as she held onto her like she was drowning and they lost themselves in each other.

It was only when Isabela lost her balance and nearly crushed onto Adriene that they parted.

Bela’s lips were slightly swollen as she chuckled and drew back. “Sorry, seagull, crushing you was not quite what I had in mind.”

Adriene’s eyes were shining, her whole face illuminated with the searing happiness running through her. She didn’t care one bit for the fiery sting of pain in her collarbone as she reached to brush a loose strand of hair from Isabela’s face.

“What did you have in mind, then?” she asked teasingly.

Isabela’s smile widened and a hint of wickedness came into her eyes as she brushed her thumb over Adriene’s lips. “Ah, seagull, so much,” she purred before she drew her hand back. “But unfortunately, you’re still hurt, and I’ll have to wait a bit longer until I can show you or I’m pretty sure Anders will bar me from ever entering the house again.”

Adriene pouted, even though she knew exactly that Isabela was right. Already, her body was protesting very decidedly against anything that was not lying still. “That sucks,” she muttered.

Isabela laughed, a warm sound that sent little shivers over Adriene’s skin. “True. However, and I can’t believe it’s actually me who’s suggesting that, it might be good if we… talked? More?”

“Probably,” Adriene confessed. “Will you still stay the night with me? Please?”

Isabela nodded. “Of course I will.”

Without preamble, she took off her boots and lay down next to Adriene, her head propped on one hand, the other hand caressing Adriene’s face and neck. Carefully, Adriene turned a bit to the side, at least as much as her body allowed.

“Remember what I said when you offered me a room?” Isabela asked.

“Is this ‘remember when’ game going to become a regular thing?” Adriene grinned. “Because then I need to work on my memory.”

Bela chuckled. “Alright, point taken. So, when I refused the room, I said it felt too much like a proposal. Like you trying to tie me down.”

“I told you already that it’s not like that. This doesn’t have to be a commitment, and definitely nothing that ties you down,” Adriene said softly when Isabela paused. The other woman nodded.

“I know,” she assured Adriene. “It’s why… part of why I came back. Because you don’t make me feel tied down.” She leaned forward to kiss Adriene again, much more softly this time. “I still want to chase the horizon,” Isabela confessed when she drew back. “But I’d rather be doing it with you at my side. You and me and the sea, and nothing but the world before us.”

“I’d puke,” Adriene burst out without thinking.

Isabela blinked, then an incredulous laugh fell from her lips. “What? I tell you that I never want to leave you behind again, and you tell me you’d puke?!”

“I… I’m sorry,” Adriene said somewhat sheepishly. “I would never want to keep you from chasing your horizon, but please, leave me on land. You know I get seasick just thinking of boats. I’ll be the girl racing into your arms when you come back to the harbor when you’ve had your fill of the sea.”

For a moment, Isabela just looked at her as if she couldn’t quite believe her, then the smile on her lips widened. “So… you’re alright with me going away every now and then?”

Adriene slightly shook her head at the question. “Bela, you’re the most free-spirited person I know. I know you need the freedom to roam the seas, to do what you want. It’s part of what I love about you, how could I expect you to change that?”

A wicked gleam came into Isabela’s eyes. “So you’re alright with me sleeping with other people?”

Adriene chuckled. “Of course. Or have I ever begrudged you a fun night with someone?”

“No,” Bela confessed, still that wide, elated smile on her lips. “So you’re alright with me sleeping with Merrill?”

“Yes.”

A sudden calculating look was in her yes as Isabela asked, “And Anders?”

Adriene blinked, drawing her eyebrows together. A by-now familiar surge of warmth that went through her whenever she thought of Anders washed over her. It was something she had in vain tried to puzzle out ever since her talk with Carver about him. But then, she was sure that he had no intention to change anything in regard to their friendship, so there was no point in all the musing and brooding anyway. She would be content with knowing that he was her friend, and apart from a tinge of sadness when she had realized that Isabela and he were sleeping together, she had not begrudged either of them the joy they obviously found in each other’s arms.

“Bela, are you going to ask my permission for every single person you slept with or want to sleep with?” she asked. “Because then this is going to be a long night.” Isabela stuck her tongue out, and Adriene grinned. “Or are you asking me if I knew that you have something going on with Merrill and Anders every now and then? Then yes, I know, I have eyes. I don’t mind.”

“Good,” Isabela smiled, smoothing her hand over Adriene’s hair, following the line of her neck and shoulders and down her arm before her eyes went back to meet Adriene’s. “What about Fenris?” she then asked quietly.

Adriene paused, biting back the instinctive assurance that she’d be fine with it. Because all of a sudden, she wasn’t sure she would be. It took her only a moment though to realize that it had nothing to do with Isabela. “I honestly can’t say,” she confessed in a soft voice. “But that has nothing to do with me being jealous of you or something like that. Remember when — ha, two can play that game — remember when the two of you stayed the night after… after my mother’s death?”

Isabela nodded silently, never stopping her caresses.

The soft touches anchored Adriene, and after a deep breath, she continued. “That morning, I wanted… both of you. And I still do. If you and him… I wouldn’t want to stop you, because I want you both to be happy, but I honestly don’t know how well I could deal with not being a part of it.”

“I know,” Isabela just said, giving her a soothing smile. “And I also know that there is something between the two of you that is special. And so annoyingly unsolved, it is painful to look at you.” She sighed dramatically and shook her head. “But don’t worry. I didn’t ask because something happened. I’m not saying nothing is ever going to happen but… ugh, you know Fenris. That one has redefined the word ‘complicated’.” Touching Adriene’s cheek, her voice dropped a notch as she said, “I would definitely prefer the version of all of us together, but right now, I’m feeling pretty happy with… this.”

And then Isabela’s lips were back on Adriene’s, her kiss unfurling all her senses and chasing every lingering darkness inside her away. As Adriene let herself sink into the sensation of Isabela’s lips on hers, everything else disappeared into the far back of her mind. Right now, all that mattered was the flutter in her stomach and the thumping of her heart, and the utter happiness at the knowledge that Isabela had not only come back but come back to her.


	7. Turn The Past To Dust

The streets were getting emptier during the early evening hours. People disappeared into their homes, getting ready to have dinner or just coming home from work.

No one really paid any attention to him, and Cullen was glad that he had changed out of his armor before making the trip into the lower parts of the city. It was the night of their weekly big dinner. Or at least that had been the plan until Meredith had sent for Cassia, requesting her presence at some other noble’s house. Since Cassia was now officially working for the templars, the social events she had to make an appearance at and profess her ongoing support to the Knight-Commander just kept coming. Sometimes, like today, at the last minute. Cullen suspected that the Knight-Commander wanted to make the most of the time that Adriene was still healing from her injuries and could not attend any of those events. It had become something familiar, and he thought about how strange it was that this new situation already felt like it had some sort of routine to it, even though it had only been going on for little more than three weeks. 

Three weeks since the night the Qunari had attacked, and Kirkwall was still bearing the scars of it. Not so much in Hightown, where the work to restore and repair the city had started almost immediately. But as he descended into Lowtown and finally Darktown, he was surrounded by visual remainders of that night. The lower parts of the city had been hit way harder than Hightown, and the amount of support that flew into these districts from the city itself was noticeably less.

When he neared Anders’ clinic, he noticed that the way leading up to it was in surprisingly good shape. Either people had rigorously kept the Qunari from getting close to this spot or they had put all their effort into restoring this particular bit of Darktown first. Both seemed equally possible. 

The lantern above the door was lit, indicating that Anders was still working or at least open for business. Cullen paused briefly in front of the door. When they had decided to postpone the dinner, it had been a prime opportunity for him to finally heed Cassia’s not-so-subtle advice to take some time and finally talk to Anders. Adriene had volunteered to look after Maia while Isabela had taken it upon herself to tell Fenris, Varric, and Merrill about their canceled plans. And so Cullen had taken one of the wine bottles from their canceled dinner and made his way toward the clinic, deliberately taking the long way to clear his head. With a deep breath, he knocked briefly before entering.

“Just a moment, I’ll be right there!” came Anders’ voice from the backroom, and Cullen could hear him rummaging around for a moment.

The clinic was otherwise empty, and he assumed Anders had probably taken the rare moment of quiet to lie down for a moment.

“I’m not a patient, no need to hurry,” he called back.

Suddenly, all noise stopped as if Anders had frozen in his tracks for a second before the door opened and he was looking at Cullen with a slightly apprehensive, but undoubtedly curious look.

“Did I miss dinner?” he asked, his voice laden with confusion, and Cullen shook his head.

“No, we need to postpone. Cassia had to leave for some event with Meredith, and I thought…” Cullen hesitated for a moment before he gave himself a push. He held up the bottle in his hand and nodded towards the table in the corner. “I think we should talk.” 

“Ah,” Anders said with a knowing look. “Cassia bothered you as well, did she?”

A half-smile lifted the corner of Cullen’s mouth, then he nodded. “You too?”

Anders chuckled. “I think barely any meeting went by without her extremely casually asking if I had already talked to you or when I had last seen you.” Shoving the last bit of apprehension deep down, he made an inviting gesture towards the table while he went to the cabinet to get two glasses. “I think she was trying to be subtle. But then… she was also right. We should talk.”

Taking a deep breath, he sat down opposite Cullen, putting one glass in front of him.

Over the course of the last few weeks, he had often thought about how to approach Cullen about the moment when Justice had nearly attacked him. Whether he even should. Whether it would be better to just ignore the whole thing in the hopes that such a confrontation would never happen again. But deep down, he had always known that this conversation was inevitable. They both needed to know where the other stood. With Cassia in the claws of the Knight-Commander, things were bound to become precarious again sooner or later; and while Anders hoped that it would not be quite so dramatic and life-threatening again, he was too realistic to dismiss another confrontation with Justice out of hand. On the contrary, he was sure that the situation would only become more complicated. Now that the Viscount had died without an heir, the Knight-Commander already made her first moves to fill the power vacuum herself, ignoring the nobles’ protests.

But all of those explosive political issues could wait for now. This here was much closer to his heart. Anders watched Cullen in silence as the other man opened the bottle of wine and filled their glasses.

“So,” Anders said, taking his glass and swirling the dark red wine around without drinking. “I expect you have questions.”

Cullen’s eyes followed the swirling movements of the wine as he tried to collect his thoughts.

“I do,” he said, feeling a bit lost again. “But I don’t really know where to start if I am honest.” Cassia had explained some things to him over the past few weeks. As usual, any explanation coming from her was solid and made a lot of sense, but somehow, Cullen still had trouble wrapping his head around some things. Especially the one thing even Cassia couldn’t sufficiently explain.

“Both Fenris and Cassia insisted that what I saw was not a demon but a spirit,” he finally said, the unease in his eyes prominent as he looked at Anders. “How do you tell the difference?  _ Can _ you tell it? With absolute certainty?”

Straight to the point then. “Well, if Justice were a demon, you’d be talking to him now, not to me,” Anders said simply. There was no need to confuse the matter by telling Cullen that he wasn’t completely sure if the borders between him and Justice were still quite as clear as they had been in the beginning. “There would be nothing left of me. He has been with me for several years now. If he were a demon, he’d have consumed me completely.”

Cullen nodded slowly.

“But in general… Can we tell the difference? Yes and no,” Anders said, leaning forward until his arms rested on the table. “The difference between a spirit and a demon is basically intent,” he explained. “All of them are mirrors of some emotion, some instinct or… concept. When you’re in the Fade, you can meet both spirits and demons, and sometimes, the lines are blurry. Just like with emotions.”

Cullen frowned as if he wasn’t quite sure what Anders wanted to say. Anders thought a moment before he added, “Take love, for instance. Something pure and beautiful, right?” He waited until Cullen nodded, then said, “And yet it is easily twisted into an obsession. Or take faith. With someone like Sebastian, it is something that gives him hold and provides guidance. It’s also a bit obnoxious, but not in itself bad. With someone like Petrice, it gets fanatical, murderous.”

Cullen nodded thoughtfully, and Anders took a sip from his wine before he continued. “To come back to spirits and demons. Just as a pure guideline; spirits are content with who and what they are. Demons, however, are greedy. They want more, and to get that, they want to come beyond the Veil. Spirits don’t.”

“But Justice is also beyond the Veil,” Cullen argued.

Anders shrugged. “Not by choice. He was caught here by accident. Without means to go back into the Fade, we didn’t know what would happen with him. He might have become a demon then or faded into nothing. So I offered to… host him. For lack of a better word.”

“He is somewhat like a friend then?”

When Anders nodded, Cullen leaned back, looking at his wine for a moment as he tried to wrap his head around all of this. Anders seemed content to let him take his time, waiting patiently for Cullen to say something or to ask more questions.

The more he thought about it, the more lost Cullen felt. He took a sip of his wine, hoping it might slow down his head but it made no difference at all. The lingering sense of discomfort persisted, and Cullen let out a deep sigh.

“I don’t know what to think about all of this,” he confessed. 

“It’s probably a lot to take in.” Anders gave him a weary look. “I can understand that it might be strange to consider…”

“But that’s it,” Cullen interrupted him. He put his glass down, folding his hands in front of him on the table as he looked at Anders with a helpless expression in his eyes. “It’s not strange and it should be! All my life I have learned something completely different, and I always felt like I knew how the world works. And then I met Cassia. And I got to know you. And all those things you both said? They  _ make sense _ !” He sounded almost angry at those last words and tried to lower his voice a bit, to not let his feelings run away with him. 

“The way you describe it, demons and spirits sound a lot more like people than mindless evil,” he added a bit quieter now. A realization that felt as uncomfortable as it felt true. “And everything you told me sounds reasonable. Cassia said similar things, and there is absolutely no way she would lie to me about any of this. And now…” He looked down to his hands, unable to meet Anders’ eyes as he gave voice to the most unsettling part of his thoughts. “Now, I see how many of the things I used to believe don’t make nearly as much sense, and I wonder how it was so incredibly easy to be full of conviction for something that doesn’t really hold up if you look closer at it. And how many other things might be out there that I’ve been wrong about.” 

Anders chuckled dryly at Cullen’s words. “A whole lot, I’m sure,” he said. He rubbed a hand over his forehead. “Believe me, I felt similar back when I met that thinking, speaking darkspawn.”

“Shit,” Cullen exclaimed, shaking his head. “I had forgotten that one.” He groaned before he said, “Well, that only proves my point.”

Anders gave him a pointed look. “Want me to add something else?”

For a moment, Cullen stared at him, then he waved a hand. “You might as well,” he murmured.

“Remember Wynne? Back from Lake Calenhad?” Cullen nodded with a weary look, and Anders continued, “She has a spirit inside her as well. A spirit… of faith, I believe. It saved her life. Knowing her story was basically what made me think that being a host to Justice might actually work.”

“I need another glass,” Cullen said, reaching for the bottle. As he watched the wine pour into the glass, he remembered the calm, friendly woman and her fierce determination.

“You know, the last time I actually saw Wynne was when she helped the Grey Wardens save the Circle from being annulled.”

Anders froze for a second at his words. “I wasn’t around during that,” he said quietly. “I only heard about it later.”

Cullen could hear from the sudden overly careful tone in the other man’s voice that Anders had a general idea of what had happened to him back then. It wasn’t surprising. He had been the talk of the tower for a good while after it. Both his survival and his insistence on annulling the Circle had been well known.

“I was so convinced back then that they were making a mistake,” Cullen said quietly. “I remember getting into a fight with the Knight-Commander about it. Not to mention the harsh things I said to the Wardens.” 

“Well, knowing one of them, she probably said some pretty harsh things back,” Anders said, and Cullen nodded.

“That she did. It was what first got me thinking. And then I came here for a new start, and from the moment I arrived in Kirkwall, all I could see were the little things that were going wrong.” It had been a sobering experience, those first few weeks in the Gallows. “And I thought I could fix it, you know? Do better than we did in Ferelden. I thought for sure that the things that went wrong were mostly due to people not knowing better.”

Anders scoffed as he gave him a look full of disbelief. “Are you serious?”

With a defeated shrug, Cullen sighed again. “I was willfully naive, I guess. But then I met Meredith, and I saw more and more how much of the things I thought were honest mistakes were done by design. And Cassia…” He shook his head, again looking down at his hands rather than facing Anders as he continued. “I am embarrassed about how much I tried to pretend that she was simply different. Not like all those other mages, you know? Because if she was special, then…”

“Then you could pretend that your general view wasn’t wrong,” Anders finished his sentence in a dry tone that made it clear how little he thought about that.

“I’m not proud of it,” Cullen said quietly, “but yes, that is how it went. And then I got to know you. I got to know more mages, and it became more and more clear that you couldn’t all be special exceptions. I mean, look at Merrill!” With a small smile, he continued, “She is everything the Chantry fears. A Dalish mage running around free, and she is probably the most caring and unthreatening person I have ever met.” He didn’t really pay attention to Anders’ slightly widening eyes as he took another sip of his wine.

“The last few years, I’ve worked so hard to change something. I thought if we could only do it right, you know?” Cullen shook his head again. “But the more I learn, the more lost I feel. Because even if we get rid of Meredith and fix everything, then what?” He was looking at Anders again, a clear question on his face. “We’d still live in a world where, by law, none of you would be free, and I feel like there is no right way forward here. Not for me. Not for a templar.”

For a moment, Anders barely dared to breathe as he looked sharply at Cullen. Could he dare to hope that they had actually managed it? That they had actually changed a templar’s mind about the Circle?

“You’re right,” he said after a long pause, choosing his words very carefully. He could feel Justice stirring inside him, like a current running through him, raising the hairs on his arms. “Kirkwall can ever only be the beginning.”

Cullen slowly took the glass down he had just raised to drink, his eyes narrowing somewhat as he looked at Anders. “What exactly are you saying?” he asked.

“That we need to change the law.” The sentence was so simple and yet so heavy in all its implications, and Anders held his breath as he waited for Cullen’s reaction.

For a moment, Cullen just stared at Anders, then a thoughtful look came into his eyes.

“Change the law,” he repeated Anders’ words. “You mean as in abolishing the Circles and the whole system behind it?”

Anders kept his face carefully neutral, but there was a rigid tension in his whole body as he nodded. He could see the moment when Cullen realized that reason for his unease was  _ him _ — his eyes widened slightly, then he let out a deep breath as he leaned back and deliberately relaxed. Cullen took a long sip of his wine before looking at Anders as openly as he could.

“I’m going to be honest, Anders, my first instinct is to disagree.” He slowly shook his head. “To claim loudly that this surely can’t be the answer. But…” Cullen trailed off before he let out a humorless laugh. “Honestly, these last few years have proven me wrong about so many things. So why can’t I be wrong about the necessity for Circles?” He raked a hand through his hair and his eyes sharpened as he focused back on Anders. “You’ve put a lot of thought into all of this already, I know. So you must have a general idea for all those things people would worry about, right? Training, the danger of demonic possession, all of it. So how would a world without Circles look like?”

Very slowly, Anders let out the breath he had held. He still couldn’t quite believe they were actually having this conversation. That a mage and a templar sat at a table, sharing a bottle of wine and talking about the abolishment of Circles. He carefully leaned back and rubbed his hands over his legs when he realized they were sweaty with nervousness. When he noticed Cullen’s look, he shook his head with a little laugh.

“I never expected this conversation to go this way. If anyone had told me five years ago that I would one day sit down with you of all people to talk about this, I’d have probably died from laughter,” he said, again shaking his head. Breathing deeply, he put his elbows on the table, gesturing at Cullen.

“And yes, of course I have ideas, and no, before you ask, it’s not Tevinter. But let me give that question back to you. Once Maia comes into her magic, how would you like her to learn to control it?”

“You know, Cassia asked me something in that direction as well. Way back before Maia was even born,” Cullen said, clearing his throat with a look that told Anders that the memory of that conversation was not all pleasant. “I told her that I didn’t know because I was too much of a coward to face all the things her question entailed back then.” He took another big gulp of wine.

Anders quietly waited, sensing that Cullen wasn’t done. 

“I don’t want Maia to be afraid of who she is,” Cullen finally said as he put the glass down again. “Nor do I want her to have to hide or be on the run. And I certainly don’t want her taken away, and yet I have personally done that to countless people.” He eyed the wine with a look that spoke of weariness, shame and guilt. “If I am honest,” he continued quietly as he looked at Anders again, “I would want her to learn from someone like you.”

For a moment, Anders was utterly speechless. “I…” he said, only to interrupt himself again with a shake of his head. “Thank you,” he eventually managed. Clearing his throat, he started again. “But, there you have it. Don’t take the children away from their families, but have someone close instead they can go to to help them, to teach the child.” He made a short gesture. “We have a Chantry in every other village, why not have a mage there, too? Someone who is known to the people, takes care of whatever issues arise that magic can help with, who knows them, and whom they preferably trust. Look to the Dalish, they do the same and it works.”

Anders took a sip from his wine before he continued, “I once asked Merrill what they do if it comes to an abomination, and she said that it’s a rare occurrence, but if it happens, the whole clan takes care of it.”

For a moment, he hesitated, but Cullen just looked thoughtfully as he listened intently, and Anders relaxed a bit more. “In the bigger cities, you could have schools. Places where the children who come into their magic can go during the day to practice and learn in safety but can go home in the evening or at least where their families can visit them.” A gleam came into his eyes as he spoke of it. “And talking about abominations — just imagine how much temptation gets eliminated if you take the templars and the fear away! How many mages have turned because they were cornered and had no way out, how many because the people who were supposed to protect them literally shoved a demon inside them?”

Bitterness was in his voice, but when Anders realized what he had just said, he stopped himself abruptly. 

The clipped tone in Anders’ voice made Cullen sit up straighter. As he shifted slightly, Anders nearly flinched. Not for the first time, Cullen noticed the quick shift in demeanor that told him almost as much as Anders’ words had. And none of it was remotely good. When he looked back over all his interactions with Anders, he felt almost stupid for not being aware of the pattern earlier. Cullen blanched at the realization of what was underneath it all. 

Fear. 

His own discomfort from earlier got crushed underneath the dread flooding through him at the thought that Anders was downright afraid of his reaction. Of speaking his mind while Cullen was around.

His first instinct was to assure him that he didn’t need to worry. That there was no reason to be afraid. But the sentiment would sound hollow and utterly untrue. Cullen only needed to think back to a few weeks ago and remember the absolute terror he had seen in Alain’s eyes as they found him. Somehow, with Cassia in his life and her absolute lack of fear around him, it had been almost too easy to ignore the reality: that no mage he had ever talked to other than her had ever been able to speak freely around him. Especially not someone who had grown up in a Circle. 

It drove home just how wrong everything about this was like nothing else, and Cullen swallowed as he realized that no assurances from his side would fix this.  _ Could _ fix this. But maybe honesty was at least a first step. He let out a tense breath as he pushed himself toward that honesty. To voice the thoughts that had been on his mind during the past few weeks and that he hadn’t shared with anyone else so far.

“I can’t believe that I’m saying this,” Cullen started quietly, looking at Anders and hoping the other man could see how serious he was about this. “But I almost did something drastic a few weeks ago.” At Anders’ curious look, he continued, “When they took Cassia away to the Harrowing, there was a moment where I was so afraid I nearly lost my temper. I was so close to simply grabbing her and fighting our way out of the Gallows just to get her away from it all.” His eyes became unfocused, staring at a point behind Anders as he went on. “I know a lot of shortcuts and secret passages in the Gallows, I’m reasonably certain I could have gotten us out in one piece, but…” He sighed before looking back at Anders again. “Cassia wouldn’t have wanted me to. She doesn’t want to be on the run again. But I was so close to ignoring what she wanted, just this once…”

Cullen’s voice became much firmer as he pushed the memories of feeling so utterly helpless aside and fixed Anders with an intense look. “Because you are right. I didn’t see it clearly before, but both you and Justice have a point. We put mages into a life or death situation, and we somehow expect them to have the endurance and the training to withstand all of it that even most professional soldiers don’t have.” Cullen’s voice had turned bitter as well as he thought that he of all people should have realized this so much earlier. He knew firsthand how persuasive the demons could be, after all. And how easy it was to fall for them and let them in. With a shudder, he thought about Cassia again. “When Cassia told me just how tempted she had been during her Harrowing, I couldn’t even blame her for it. We take away all their agency, and then, after we made them completely powerless, they are supposed to not grasp for a chance to change that?”

“Exactly,” Anders said, his voice brittle. “But it’s also a very convenient way to sieve out dissenters. Who but those who fully accept their powerlessness against the templars or are strong enough to hide their desperate wish for freedom deep inside could survive this? And for the latter… there’s always something like the Gallows to shut them up. Or solitary.”

For a moment, he closed his eyes, then he shook his head, already regretting his bitter, pained words. He shouldn’t bring himself and his experiences into this. He had made it out, after all. His mouth was dry, but he didn’t dare drink the wine in front of him. Not now, not in this situation, not with a templar. Not even when that templar was Cullen, his friend. For a second, he nearly laughed at the absurdity of it all, at the strange mix of elation and utter nervousness at the way their conversation was taking. Abruptly, he stood up and walked over to his little kitchen to fill a glass with water to drink.

“And it’s not only that,” he added when he came back to the table. “Lake Calenhad was just a Circle, far away from Denerim or any other city with people of importance. But how many Circles are in the main cities, how many Knight-Commanders or above are close to the leaders of those cities? You are the Chantry’s army, you can’t be ignored. Look at what Meredith does here.” He sat down again with a sweeping gesture indicating the city above them. “It’s been nearly a month since the Viscount’s death, but she has blocked every attempt to talk about his succession. You don’t really believe she’s going to give this power up? How many others do?”

He shook his head. “All this talk about preventing mages from coming to power when it’s you templars who have power far beyond your official capacities.”

Cullen nodded slowly. “You’re right,” he murmured, a muscle in his jaw working as he clenched his teeth. “The irony of us and the Chantry claiming that the mages need us to keep them from being tempted by and grasping for power while we are doing the same, huh?” His shoulders sank as he repeated Anders’ last sentiment. “It makes me wonder how much of the Chantry’s justification had ever actually been about protecting people and how much of it had been a grasp for power from the start.” 

A grim expression came onto his face. “She hasn’t said anything specific, but from how well I know Meredith by now, I can guarantee you she has absolutely no intention of electing a new Viscount. This is not a delay she is playing at, this is going to be the new normal for Kirkwall.”

“I figured as much,” Anders said darkly. Again, he shook his head, his fingers closed tightly around his glass. “None of this is going to be easy, but for now, I think all we can do is continue what we’re already doing. Strengthening any opposition she has without making us a target — or rather, more of a target — and helping the mages as best we can. One day she’ll take a misstep, and then, we’ll have her.”

For a moment, he looked at Cullen, taking in the grim expression, the uncomfortableness, and thoughtfulness. Rubbing a hand over the stubble on his chin, he said with some hesitation, “Listen, Cullen, I just want you to know that I appreciate you doing this, I really do.”

“Doing what?” Cullen asked, drawing his eyebrows together. 

“Listening,” Anders explained. “And I mean, really listening; trying to understand this whole thing. I don’t take this for granted, and especially not from someone like you.”

“A templar, you mean,” Cullen said a bit darkly.

Anders nodded. “Yes,” he confirmed quietly. “A templar.” He hesitated again, then he deliberately took his barely touched wineglass to take a big gulp. “Once you’re ready and need input, we can start planning what you’re going to do differently as Knight-Commander.”

_ As Knight-Commander. _

Cullen’s face fell before he could school his features into a more neutral look. Another link in the endless chain of things that made him uneasy. The thought of what would happen should their work of unseating Meredith from her position actually come to bear fruit.

“Sure,” he murmured, reaching for his wine again. “Once I’m ready…” It was the most peculiar thing. A couple of years ago if anyone had asked him about where he saw his life and his career going, becoming Knight-Commander would have been at the highest point of his list. But now?

Anders gave him a curious look. “You know, I thought you were making excuses back when we first talked about this and I asked you what would change under your command,” he said with a hint of surprise in his voice. “But you're not after Meredith’s job at all, are you? You don’t want to be the new Knight-Commander.”

“I thought I wanted to,” Cullen said, turning the glass around in his hands as he spoke. “Back when I thought I could simply fix the system by being a better templar. But now?” He let out a deep sigh. “I don’t even really want to be in this blighted, awful city. Nevermind being in charge of this broken mess. If I could choose…” He trailed off, scoffing slightly at his far-off dreams. “It doesn’t matter.”

Anders had leaned forward, taking another sip of his wine before looking at him with interest in his eyes. “Now I am curious! What would you do if you could choose freely?”

A smile spread over Cullen’s face at the thought. “I would take Cassia and Maia and leave Kirkwall behind in a heartbeat. The whole Free Marches. We’d go back to Ferelden, maybe somewhere close to where my family lives or somewhere along the coast so Cassia has her siblings close by.” With a faraway look, he continued, “Cassia would want a small cottage surrounded by nature, and if it were up to me, that cottage would come with a farm and a small army of mabari.” He let out a wistful sigh before shaking off the impossible dreams. “But then, I don’t think either of us could live with leaving, knowing we could have stayed and helped instead. After all, even with Meredith gone, the mages won’t get a choice about the Circle. So why should I get one? The least I can do is stay right here and do the best I can under the circumstances.” Much more quietly, he added, “And besides, it’s not like you can simply leave the templars without consequences. They made sure of that.”

Anders shook his head, with a grim look, then he emptied his glass and filled both his and Cullen’s again with what was left in the bottle. “For what it’s worth,” he said, “I’m sorry.”

“Thank you,” Cullen murmured.

Staring into his glass, Anders said after a moment of silence, “You know, back when I just wanted to escape the Circle, I never thought about trying to fight the whole system. In small ways, sure.” A slight sneer was on his face when he thought back to the many times he had been caught and brought back to Lake Calenhad, beaten and bloody. “I cannot tell you how often I wanted to bash in Irving’s righteous face when he told me that I myself was responsible for another week alone in the dark, another month, then a year. I only had to play by the rules, after all, then everything would be fine.”

_ Careful, _ something in him said, but he ignored it. “You know what happened when I played by the rules? They sent Karl away. My— friend.”

Cullen noticed the slight hitch in his voice. “For what it’s worth,” he quietly echoed Anders’ sentiment from earlier, “and I know it doesn’t change anything, I’m sorry too.”

Anders only nodded in acknowledgment. Thinking about Karl still hurt, even after all this time. Taking a deep breath, he shook his head. “You know, even after he was gone, I didn’t think about the whole of it. How could I? It’s not one Circle, it’s not one country, it’s the whole of the Chantry. The  _ Chantry.  _ How can you even  _ hope _ to change that?”

“And yet, here you are,” Cullen said quietly.

Anders nodded. “Here I am. But it was only when I met Justice that I started to change my mind. He showed me that justice for one was not much. But justice for another, for ten, for a hundred — do that, and you might just start an avalanche that makes a difference. That’s why I’m still here.” He pointed with his glass at Cullen before he took another gulp. He was getting lightheaded, and he knew that this was not the best idea, but somehow he couldn’t find it in himself to care. “But I’m under no illusions, Cullen, I know that this is bigger than I am. I can hope to make a start, not see that change. This is not going to be over with me or you. And… you have a family to think of. I don’t. So once you find you cannot take it anymore, take them and make that home you dream of. Someone will continue the fight. Maybe your daughter.”

“Or maybe,” Cullen said with a speck of hope in his voice, “if we stick this out, she won’t have to anymore.”

Anders smiled slightly at the way Cullen eyed his glass. They both knew it was a lofty, unrealistic dream, but the thought was a pleasant one nonetheless. He took another sip of the wine, noticing that he was well into his third glass. It made the words flow out much easier. Despite the heavy topics, he felt much more comfortable talking to Cullen by now than he had at the start of the evening, and from the looks of it, it was the same for Cullen.

“Do you really feel that way though?” his friend asked suddenly. “That you have no family at all?”

Anders couldn’t keep the flash of pain from his face, and Cullen’s gaze sharpened before he added, “Because I know for a fact that Cassia definitely considers you family and has done so for years.” He shrugged briefly. “And well, despite appearances, Cassia and I still aren’t even properly married. But we sure are a family regardless of any official rules. So I guess what I am saying is that you shouldn’t consider yourself more expendable than anyone else. You never know who might miss you.”

Anders huffed a laugh and clinked his glass against Cullen’s. “I definitely never thought I’d ever hear a templar say that. Thank you.” He gave Cullen a lopsided smile before they drank. “But don’t worry, I wasn’t about to throw myself into the next meat grinder. I definitely know I have people close to me, people I consider family. Cassia among them. But it is different if you have a child to think of.” He also had no illusions about the involvement this long-term fight contained. “It’s not necessarily about being expendable, you know. This takes involvement, energy, time. All of which I can put into it, but which you or Cassia need for Maia. That’s what I meant.”

He looked at his glass which seemed to be empty already and shook his head. “I guess I better go close the clinic down. After half a bottle of wine, I shouldn’t see any patients anyway.” He pointed towards the cabinet. “I think I have another bottle or two in the cabinet, care to get it?”

While Cullen got up, Anders went to the front door and opened it to extinguish the lantern with a flick of his hand. Just at that moment, a man appeared at the upper steps, his face falling as he saw the lantern go out.

“Oh, I thought I was still in time,” he said somewhat defeated. Anders looked at his worn but carefully kept clothes, the hat he held in his hands, and sighed.

“What is it about, is it quick?” he asked, waving the man closer.

“Just about a potion, messere,” the man assured him eagerly.

Anders hesitated for a second, then he nodded. “Very well then, come in.” He indicated to him to go inside and was just about to follow him when he heard another voice.

“I guess the food is going to get cold again,” Fenris said as he came up to him. “I should’ve known.”

“Fenris?” Anders said in surprise. “What are you doing here?”

“Please tell me you haven’t forgotten about our dinner at Cassia’s  _ again? _ ” Fenris sighed.

“Oh, you haven’t heard,” Anders realized. “It’s canceled.”

“Seriously?” Fenris pulled a face, grumbling, “I haven’t eaten yet.”

Anders grinned. “That’s gonna make this more interesting then. Come on in, Cullen is also here, about to open another bottle of wine. I’m sure I have something we can make dinner with, too.” He ignored Fenris’ utter look of confusion and ushered him in. “Otherwise we can find something upstairs.”

Looking to the back towards Cullen, he called, “Cullen, we’ll need another glass, Fenris is here, too.”

Then he turned towards the man who had come for the potion and who seemed a bit intimidated by the other people. “Alright, good man, tell me what you need.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This - and the following chapter that we'll publish on Friday - are among my favorites. The exploration of how and when Cullen will change his stance on mage rights, how Anders reacts to and challenges him (and vice versa), how Fenris and his perspective plays into it, and in general the friendship between these three men was so much fun. I know we have long left the canon depiction (dramaticized by Varric ;) ) but it just felt... right. What do you think? Let us know in the comments or come and tell us your thoughts on [Tumblr](https://intothedragonverse.tumblr.com/)! :)


	8. The Thread That Binds Us Together

Cullen was inspecting several cupboards and shelves after he had taken out the wine and found another glass for Fenris, trying to see what Anders had lying around that was somewhat edible and that he could perhaps turn into a meal. But the results were not very promising.

“How in the Maker’s name does he not have anything around you can actually eat?” he murmured as he opened another cupboard and found nothing but potion supplies. “I can’t make anything out of this, all he has are dried herbs!”

“You forget that he barely lives here anymore,” came Fenris’ voice from behind him with a small chuckle. “So, why are we here exactly and what happened to the regular dinner plans?”

When the next cupboard held nothing but empty flasks, Cullen gave up and turned around to face Fenris. “Cassia got called away by Meredith, and we decided to postpone. Isabela was supposed to tell you.”

“She must have just missed me,” Fenris said, before looking at the bottle of wine that Cullen had begun to uncork. “So that explains the food, but how did that suddenly turn you two into drinking buddies?” he asked dryly, but not without a hint of curiosity in his voice.

Cullen pulled the cork out with a little _pop_ before he answered. “I thought we could use the opportunity and finally talk.”

“About the incident with Justice that Cassia kept bugging you two about?” Fenris asked with a small smile.

Cullen nodded. “Turns out that goes much easier with some wine on the side,” he added before gesturing at the empty glass. “You want some as well?” When Fenris nodded, he filled the glass and handed it to him.

Fenris took a small sip. “So, that talk went well, I assume?”

Cullen nodded as he picked up his own glass and filled it back up before refilling Anders’ as well. “It went into an unexpected direction, but a good one I think,” he said with a smile. He looked over to the part of the clinic where Anders was busy explaining how to take a particular potion to the man who had asked for it. With a small laugh, Cullen mumbled, “It is still weird.”

“Hm?” Fenris let out a questioning hum while drinking his wine, and Cullen made a vague gesture around him.

“Me, spending my evening here. Having had a surprisingly enlightening talk about demons, and spirits, and Circles with someone who has every reason to not want to have anything to do with me. And whom I, by everything that I’ve been taught, should not deem worthy of my time, let alone like and respect.” He shook his head before looking down at his glass. “Though the weirdest thing might just be that Anders somehow became a friend and that nothing about that feels as strange as it should.”

“Tell me about it,” Fenris murmured, leaning back against the wall while he looked over to Anders. “I hated his guts when I first met him, and now I drink his wine.” He looked at his glass, mumbling, “Not that it’s a specifically good one.”

Cullen snorted, and Fenris’ lips curled in an agreeing smile as they clinked glasses.

“I mean, there are still topics we don’t agree on,” Fenris continued. “And I still think he is too naive when it comes to mage freedom and all that. He is the embodiment of everything that I learned to fear. A mage with a…” he made a vague gesture, “ _something_ inside him, fighting for something that sounds far too much like Tevinter for my taste. It should be easy to hate him. Especially since he’s also definitely one of the more powerful mages.” He shook his head with a click of his tongue. “And what does he do with his power? He runs a free clinic for the poor. How are you supposed to hate someone like that?”

“Maybe you are not supposed to,” Cullen replied without thought. He was dimly aware that the amount of wine he had already drunk made him a lot less guarded with his words, but he couldn’t muster up any of his usual discipline anymore. After years of having his world-view challenged and changed bit by bit, and with the renewed rigidity and tension in the Gallows at the moment, part of him was simply too tired of it all.

“I guess not,” Fenris confessed with a small smile. Sometimes, it was still weird to think about how two of his closest friends were mages. Not that he would ever tell Anders that he considered him one of his closest friends. He looked at Cullen and shrugged. “It still took quite some time to look beyond _mage_ to who he is. I’ve always only known mages who craved power, who were cruel and had no respect for the lives they deemed beneath them.” Taking another sip from his wine, he added, “I suppose it was similar for you, wasn’t it? As far as I know, you’re taught not to look at individuals but sort of all mages as the same, right?”

“We are,” Cullen nodded. “But we are also taught to never truly associate with them. Too easy to let yourself be influenced the more contact you have and so on.” With a chuckle, he added, “I clearly failed spectacularly at that very first lesson.”

“Failed spectacularly at what?” came Anders' voice as he joined them again. Cullen noticed that the man with the potion had left while he had been talking to Fenris.

“Basic templar training, apparently,” Fenris said dryly.

“No more patients for today then?” Cullen took the already refilled glass and handed it to Anders who gave a quick nod as he took it.

“Definitely not. I just closed up.” Anders picked up the newly opened bottle and returned to the table, the other two following behind. “So what kind of basic training did you fail?” he asked when they had gotten comfortable again.

Cullen snorted before taking another sip. “The moment I met Cassia? Basically all of them.”

It caused both Fenris and Anders to chuckle.

“To be fair,” Anders remarked, “you also had no clue about her being a mage at the beginning. And by the time she told you, you were already in way too deep.” He had a small grin on his face as he tilted his glass slightly in Cullen’s direction. 

“Not untrue,” Cullen murmured. “Regardless, if I would have taken my beliefs back then to heart, I should have reacted much differently.”

“Maybe even back then you weren’t as convinced as you thought you were,” Fenris said.

It was a simple statement, but when Cullen thought back to that time, he couldn’t help but see how true it rang. 

“Has Cassia ever told either of you how exactly she told me about her magic?” he asked. Both Fenris and Anders shook their heads.

“Knowing her, it was either the most subtle thing ever or she simply hit you over the head with it,” Fenris mused, eyeing his almost empty glass before reaching for the bottle.

“The latter actually.” Cullen had to smile as he recalled the events from years ago. “After I came back to Kirkwall and proposed to her, I had some suspicions.”

A slight sputter from Anders interrupted him. “Wait, what? You suspected something?” he asked incredulously, but Cullen only shrugged.

“Only very vaguely. Some of the things Adriene said to me got me thinking, but that wasn’t the point.” He put his glass down before continuing, “Cassia and I met in a tavern to talk, and I said something implying my suspicions. I think I unsettled her a lot more than I thought I did, because the next evening when she showed up at my house…” Cullen trailed off as his thoughts took him back to that night. To the uncertainties and the anticipation and the self-doubt he had harbored right up until the moment he had been forced to make a choice. He cleared his throat as he focused back on what he wanted to say. “We were barely inside and I had just come from the Gallows, and all of a sudden, Cassia decides that she has no patience for small-talk and summons a rather impressive ball of ice right in front of my face.”

Anders’ eyes were wide with disbelief. “She did what?” he asked before a chuckle went through him. “Of course she did.” 

“That wasn’t all,” Cullen said with a fond smile on his face. “She just stared at me with this challenge in her eyes and said ‘I’m a mage, what are you going to do about it?’” He let out a soft chuckle. “And that’s the moment I suddenly lost every bit of templar training I ever received apparently. Because in my head, I knew exactly what I was supposed to do, but somehow, nothing I had learned was even remotely an option anymore.”

Fenris chuckled slightly. “Cassia seems to have that effect on people, I guess,” he said. “Back when she and Adriene helped me with trying to flush out Danarius, I was not exactly thrilled to find myself side by side with a mage. I suppose if the demons hadn’t appeared, she might not have had to use her magic, but there we were.” He shook his head. “I thought I was so sure of everything. I knew first hand that mages were cruel, deceitful—”

“Magisters,” Anders interrupted carefully. “You knew magisters first hand.”

Fenris scoffed. “As if there was a difference for me.”

Anders grunted something indecipherable that quickly got drowned by a large gulp from his glass.

“But you’re not completely wrong,” Fenris admitted after a moment. “It was the first taste of a difference between those who had been taught to rule and… well, Cassia. I mean, she had ribbons braided into her hair and that look of disgust and outrage when she fought the slavers and demons.”

“When she came into the Gallows for the first time, there were flowers in her hair,” Cullen remembered fondly before shaking his head with a little laugh. “What mage would literally walk into the belly of the beast with flowers braided into her hair?”

Fenris looked at Anders, and for a moment their communication needed no words. “Merrill,” they both answered with a nod before Anders started to laugh and Fenris shrugged. “Probably.”

“Thankfully, she has no reason to go there,” Anders added before he emptied his glass. “I guess I can count myself lucky that Cassia leaves such a good impression on people who don’t like mages then,” he said. “Especially when remembering how little she and I got along in the beginning.” With an apologetic look towards Cullen, he added, “I couldn’t understand why she kept insisting on going back to you for jobs, and I gave her a hard time for it. Of course, I also didn’t know that it wasn’t just work that had her interested in you. Didn’t find that out until after the Deep Roads expedition.”

At the mention of the expedition, a shadow fell over Cullen’s face as he remembered the absolute misery of that time. Of leaving Kirkwall behind in grief and full of regrets. “I don’t have many good memories of that time,” he confessed. But he was certain that with however much of a bad time he had had then, it was probably nothing compared to what Anders, Cassia, and the rest of the expedition had gone through.

Anders nodded gravely. “Neither do I, to be honest.”

With a shake of his head, Cullen tried to chase the gloomy thoughts away. “How strange is it that I was actually, albeit unknowingly, at your funeral before even getting to actually know you?”

“That funeral was horrible,” Fenris murmured, and Cullen nodded. For a moment, they were all silent, then Fenris added, “But talking about strange, how strange is it that I was at my best friend’s funeral before she was my best friend?"

“You weren’t close before?” Cullen asked, quickly amending, “Not before the funeral, of course, but before the expedition, I mean.”

Fenris looked thoughtful for a second, then he slowly shook his head. “Not like now, not nearly. We liked each other, but I spent much more time with Adriene back then. But I knew her well enough to notice something was off when she came back, and I called her out on it. That was when she told me about the pregnancy and about you.” He drew his eyebrows together, huffing a short laugh before he refilled his empty glass. “Both of you, actually.”

“Oh, that conversation,” Anders said a bit sheepishly. “She told me about it when she confronted me a bit later.”

Fenris gave him a telling look. “She barely kept me from going to rip your head off. But that was basically what started our friendship.” He paused for a moment, staring into nothing before he grinned. “Adriene once did something similar. Looks like keeping me from killing Anders guarantees my friendship. Who’d have thought.”

“Definitely not me,” Anders mumbled, a chuckle in the back of his throat.

“Why did you want to tear his head off?” Cullen asked, a hint of curiosity in his voice.

Fenris gave him a cautious look all of a sudden. “Did Cassia never tell you?” he asked, looking a bit uncomfortable as he looked from Cullen to Anders and back.

“That they slept together?” Cullen asked bluntly. “Of course she did. But I wasn’t even in the picture back then, so what made you so upset at him?”

“Many reasons,” Fenris murmured somewhat evasively, and Anders let out a loud snort.

“Oh please, we both know that you didn’t really care who both Cassia and I slept with,” he said, raising his eyebrows at Fenris in a challenging look. “You were upset because you knew of my feelings for Adriene.”

“Huh?” Full of confusion, Cullen held up a hand. “I always assumed that was a later development?”

But Fenris only shook his head as he reached for the wine again. “No, that was back then already.”

“Did Cassia know?”

Anders shot Fenris a dirty look before saying, “Well, _someone_ told her…”

With a disbelieving chuckle, Cullen leaned back. “She never told me about that bit. That must have been really awkward.”

“You have _no_ idea,” Anders mumbled, suddenly looking very interested in his wine glass. After a moment of silence, he looked up again, clearing his throat. “So, we’re still good, right? Nothing awkward here?”

“We’re good,” Cullen agreed with a smile. “Cassia had no obligations towards me back then, and you were there for her when I wasn’t and she needed someone.” A tad more serious, he added, “She told me how she felt down in the Deep Roads and that you helped her through that. I could never be mad about that.”

With a sigh, Cullen bemoaned the emptiness of his glass, briefly wondering if he should maybe stop refilling it as another thought went through his mind. 

“I still can’t help but feel awful for not being in Kirkwall when the expedition returned,” he said quietly. “There was no way of knowing you weren’t dead of course, but still…” He let out a sigh before refilling his glass after all. “I would have liked to have been there for Cassia during her pregnancy and I wasn’t. So I am really glad she had the both of you that took care of her.” With a small smile, he tipped his glass into both of their directions.

“To be fair, it wasn’t only us,” Anders said, raising his glass to Cullen. “I know she was both surprised and relieved at the unwavering support Leandra showed Cassia. And Adriene and Bethany as well, of course.”

Fenris grunted affirmatively while indicating to Cullen to refill his glass as well. “I remember how scared she was of telling them,” he told them, nodding his thanks as he drew his glass back to himself and leaned back. “She spent a lot of time at my place back then, often over night because…”

“... because of the morning sickness?” Cullen asked, then nodded when Fenris inclined his head. “She told me about that.”

Anders chuckled as a thought came to him. “Did she tell you I offered to pretend to be the father so she’d have at least that point taken care of?”

“Seriously?” Fenris asked incredulously, even while Cullen just grinned knowingly.

Anders nodded. “We had been seen together a lot, we were on that expedition for months together, and not many people know that being a Warden means the chances of having a child are slim at best, so it was an easy solution.”

Fenris snorted. “That would have confused Adriene like nothing else,” he muttered. At the other men’s questioning looks, he explained, “For a while there, she thought I was the father. That Cassia and I were a couple — because she spent so much time at my place. Thankfully, that was cleared up very quickly.”

“Wow,” Cullen muttered, shaking his head as he looked from one to the other. “I knew it was a challenging time, but I had no idea just how convoluted it was.” He huffed a laugh as he tried to wrap his head around the bits of information that made the picture he already had from Cassia’s stories more complete. “It makes me even more grateful to know she had you. I know that being able to be at your place was greatly easing her mind,” he nodded towards Fenris. “She has always regretted not being able to be a bigger help to you.”

“Well,” Fenris said, his smile slowly bleeding from his lips, turning the glass in his hand around and around. “I appreciate that, but it’s not like my problems are solved by a sleepover.”

Cullen leaned forward, fixing Fenris with curious eyes. “What could they be solved with?”

Fenris shrugged with a scoff and an aside motion of his hand. “Obviously with nothing I’ve done so far,” he said darkly. “I am certain Danarius knows where I am. He has his spies everywhere. I even killed his apprentice, and he still didn’t come.” 

“Of course he isn’t coming if he knows you are waiting for him,” Cullen said. “That’s the most basic rule of any tactical combat. Don’t walk into obvious traps or setups.”

Fenris let out a dry laugh as he shook his head at Cullen. “And what am I supposed to do, devise a cunning plan that somehow makes him come to Kirkwall thinking I am not waiting for him anymore? That’s impossible.”

“Is it though?” Cullen asked bluntly. “What is it that he actually wants?”

“Me,” Fenris huffed with a hint of annoyance in his voice. 

“Exactly,” Cullen agreed. “And what is it that most likely keeps him from coming after you?” Before Fenris could say anything, Cullen answered his own question. “The possibility that you are prepared and waiting for him. So you have to take that bit out of the equation.”

For a long, quiet moment, Fenris stared into his wine, then he scoffed and downed the rest of it, welcoming the numbing, warm rush of it through his veins. It was not like he hadn’t thought about this more often than anything else in his life. Ever since he had come here, ever since Hadriana had ambushed him and paid for it with her pitiful life, he had thought about how to coax Danarius out. For a while, he had been certain that Hadriana’s death would push Danarius over the edge and finally make him come himself to take revenge. For months, he had waited, seeing the hated magister in every stranger in the city… and nothing had happened. Grabbing the bottle, he refilled his glass, taking it up as if to empty it as well, but then he stopped mid-motion, letting out a sigh.

“If I’m honest,” he said quietly, “I know exactly what I need to do.”

He saw Anders and Cullen exchange a look. Anders frowned. “Then why don’t you do it?” he asked.

Fenris avoided meeting his gaze, taking that sip of wine after all before he put his glass down again. “Because it means leaving Kirkwall.”

“What?” Anders’ answer was immediate, disbelief in his voice.

“You’re actually serious,” Cullen said slowly when Fenris didn’t answer.

Fenris nodded. “Danarius will not come to Kirkwall,” he said with a grim look. “Not even Hadriana came to Kirkwall and rather ambushed me when we traveled along the coast. But Danarius knows what happened to her, so he will wait to get me alone, not while I’m with someone.” He looked from Anders to Cullen with a shrug that belied the tension inside him. “And that cannot happen within Kirkwall. He knows that I have support here and that I’m prepared for him. The only way to make him believe I’m vulnerable is to give up that support. Give _you_ up.”

“You cannot really think about doing that,” Anders said with a shake of his head, leaning forward. “Don’t tell me you want—”

“Of course I don’t _want_ that,” Fenris interrupted him sharply. “Why do you think I’m still here? But I also don’t want to live the rest of my life in suspense.”

Cullen had gone quiet, listening to the exchange as he mulled the situation over in his head. With everything Fenris had said about Danarius, Cullen knew his friend had a point. He himself had said so earlier. Danarius would not walk into a situation where Fenris would have backup. But there was a decidedly different approach to that problem on his mind.

“You are right, Fenris,” he said finally, “he will only come after you if he believes you to be vulnerable.” Cullen pointedly ignored the angry look Anders shot him before he added, “But you do not need to leave here to make him think you are, you need something else.” With a calculating look, he leaned forward. “You need someone to betray you!”

Fenris was completely quiet for a moment, but Anders’ eyes widened as he understood what Cullen was getting at.

“You, my friend, have spent way too much time with your wife. You’re beginning to sound like her,” Anders said, pointing at him. “But you might also be onto something.”

Fenris frowned as he looked at his friends. “What exactly are you suggesting?” he asked with some apprehension.

“You said yourself that you have to give up your support, your friends for Danarius to come after you,” Cullen explained while Anders nodded. “But you don’t actually have to. Danarius just has to _think_ that this support is no longer there.”

Fenris’s frown deepened, but a thoughtful look was in his eyes. “So… what, I have to keep my distance from you all until he appears?”

“No.” Cullen shook his head. “Because he'd still think you're prepared for him, and also, who knows how long it would take until he'd show up. But we can create a situation that deliberately makes it look like you don’t expect him.”

“I’m not sure that’s enough,” Fenris said slowly. “I’m certain he will only come if he knows he is in absolute control of the situation.”

“Which is where the betrayal comes in,” Anders interjected, looking to Cullen for confirmation. “If we’re thinking the same, then there’s one thing that would make Danarius sure of the outcome; and that is if he has someone working against you without you knowing about it. Someone betraying you.” Cullen only nodded, raising his glass in acknowledgment.

Something in that line of thinking put Fenris on edge, but the more he thought about it, the more sense it made. Danarius had always been on the lookout for traitors, and within the magisterium, betrayals and murders were common — not officially, of course, but everyone knew the reality. He would not be surprised by something like that.

“Someone betraying me… offering him me on a silver platter,” he mumbled thoughtfully. “That might actually work.”

“The only thing you really need is someone who can be believably interested in making a deal with a Tevinter magister,” Cullen said, already in deep thought about the logistics of it all.

Anders frowned at him. “Does that really matter though? Can’t nearly everyone be tempted by profit?”

“It would definitely go with Tevinter philosophy,” Fenris scoffed. “For them, everybody has a price. Literally.”

“Theoretically, Anders has a point,” Cullen agreed. “But you just said Danarius has most likely kept track of you. If you want to make it believable, certain people would not work in this scenario.”

Fenris looked thoughtful as he slowly nodded. “Like you and Cassia for instance. A templar wanting to make deals with a magister would raise some eyebrows.”

“More than a few,” Anders agreed. “That rules out someone like Adriene as well. Her stance and her uncompromising way of dealing with slavers are widely known.” 

For a moment, Cullen was quiet as he thought all their options through. There would be a few people who could be believable, but one stood out more than the rest, and Cullen let out a deep sigh.

“You’re both going to hate me for suggesting this, but we actually have a rather perfect candidate,” he said before fixing Anders with a prominent look. 

“You mean Varric or Isabela, right?” Anders answered, pulling a face. “Please tell me you mean Varric or Isabela.”

Cullen just raised his eyebrows, seeing the rather inept try at deflection for what it was. “Isabela was on the run for freeing a whole ship of slaves, I doubt she’d be believable enough,” he said. “Varric _could_ work, but no. I don’t mean them.”

Fenris was suspiciously quiet as Anders’ eyes flickered to him before he looked back to Cullen. “I really don’t—”

“Cullen is right,” Fenris interrupted him all of sudden, his voice somewhat flat. “You are the perfect candidate. Your magic alone makes you more of an equal in Danarius’ eyes.”

For a moment, a heavy silence fell, then Anders leaned back again, shaking his head. “I don’t like it,” he murmured. “But Andraste’s ass, you’re right. We even clashed often enough in public to make it somewhat believable that we don’t like each other.”

Fenris carefully inclined his head. “A mage fighting for mage rights, why wouldn’t you want an alliance with a powerful Tevinter magister? And if he doesn’t bite, you can always throw in knowledge about a blood magic ritual that would extend his power.” A look of disgust curled his lips as he added, “Danarius would never forego a chance of being more powerful.”

“One of these days we are going to come up with a plan that doesn’t make my stomach turn and where I actually enjoy my part,” Anders mumbled before reaching for the almost empty bottle once more. “Between this and Cassia having me make an actual Maker-damned phylactery, I could use the change.”

Cullen shot Anders a sympathetic look. He could relate to a degree. “Cassia’s plan for Meredith involved convincing her and the entire city that our relationship is decidedly different than it actually is, and that she is completely under my control,” he said with an exasperated sigh. No matter how well it had worked so far, he would never be entirely comfortable with this. “Most people in this city that are not among our closest friends must assume the absolute worst of me by now, and I am not going to lie, it’s not a great feeling. But…”

Anders let out a sigh of his own as Cullen trailed off. “But in the end, if it keeps her safe, it’s worth it. That’s what you are trying to say, right?” When Cullen nodded grimly, he looked at Fenris. “If I can help you in finally being free, I’m in.”

There was a peculiar look in Fenris’ eyes. A hint of surprise at Anders’ words mixed with a remaining sense of apprehension. “Even if this would work, if we catch him off guard, Danarius would still be a formidable opponent,” he said cautiously. “He is unlike the mages here. Far more powerful and absolutely ruthless.”

The warning rang clear in the air, but Anders perked up all of a sudden. “Well, luckily we have something he might not see coming at all!” At the matching confused looks from Cullen and Fenris, he leaned back with a wide grin on his face. “I can’t believe that I of all people am saying this, but we have a templar!”

“Tevinter has templars,” Fenris said, looking confused for a moment, but Anders’ grin only widened. 

“They have a ceremonial order, but none of their templars have any actual powers…”

With a thoughtful look, Cullen nodded in agreement. “I could be there whenever you want to confront him. If he doesn’t expect it, I can probably neutralize his magic before he even notices.”

For a long moment, Fenris didn't say anything, looking from one to the other. A templar and a mage, both planning for his freedom. Both his _friends_. Maybe it was the wine, but he couldn't help the surge of affection going through him. But no, it was more than that. It was _hope_. Could it be that there might actually be an end in sight? An end to the devastating paralysis that chained him, that kept him from chasing anything like happiness, anything that could be a future?

He rubbed a hand over his face to chase the treacherous signs of emotional uproar away and poured the pitiful rest of the wine into his glass. "We need to be absolutely sure about this," he said, a slight gravel to his voice that betrayed how touched he was.

"We do, but I think this could actually work," Anders said, rubbing his chin. 

Cullen nodded. "If we—"

"No," Fenris interrupted him with a sharp gesture, "I mean, _absolutely_ sure. If anything goes wrong, it won't be upon me alone. Just imagine what he'd do with Adriene and Cassia in his hands. With _you._ " He looked at Anders, his face deadly serious.

His friends exchanged a look, their grim excitement gone from their expression.

"We need to be absolutely sure about this," Fenris repeated. "Which means thinking this through to the end. Preferably," he looked at his wine and downed the rest of it, "when we're sober."

"Who says we're drunk?" Cullen protested.

Fenris chuckled. "The three empty bottles — one of which you two drank before I even arrived. Before dinner, might I add."

“Dinner!” Anders exclaimed, making both Cullen and Fenris jump as he suddenly pushed his chair back and stood up. “I knew I forgot something. Come on, let’s go upstairs! Pretty sure there was something left from—”

“Leftovers?” Cullen interrupted him with a frown, getting up himself. “We’re not having leftovers. This evening needs a proper meal.”

“Well, I’m not going to protest a proper meal,” Fenris said as he joined the other two on the way towards the Amell mansion, watching with amusement as Anders threw an arm around Cullen’s shoulders.

“Cullen,” Anders said with a heavy voice. “I’m glad we had that talk.”

“Me too, my friend,” Cullen nodded, just as serious as Anders, “me too.”

Twenty minutes later, Cullen was rummaging around in Adriene’s kitchen while Fenris stoked the fire and Anders opened yet another bottle of wine.

“Makes no big difference any more so we might as well,” he just shrugged when he saw Fenris’ look and filled the glasses.

“So,” Fenris said, taking his glass, “how is it going with Isabela so much around?”

Anders shot him a quick look, but Fenris kept his face carefully neutral. Eventually, he shrugged. “I think Adriene has given up asking Isabela if she wants one of the empty rooms, Bela keeps refusing. When she’s here, she doesn’t need one anyway, and if she needs her space, she goes out.” With a little smile, he added, “But in general much more lively. And it’s good to see Adriene happy.”

Cullen seemed to have decided on just what to make for dinner because suddenly, both Anders and Fenris found the table covered in a bunch of vegetables. 

“You can both still hold sharp objects, right?” Cullen asked with a grin on his face before handing them cutting boards and knives. 

“Is that really necessary?” Anders asked with a skeptical look. “I’m sure there is some leftover bread, something quick and easy.”

Fenris only shrugged and already began chopping as Cullen shook his head and let out a dismissive sound. “No way. You both wanted dinner, so we are having dinner.” He gave Anders a stern look. “Decent dinner! Something healthy.” As he went back to the stove, he kept muttering, “I can't believe I have to tell this to a healer of all people!”

At Anders’ indignant look, Fenris chuckled lightly before wordlessly pushing the other chopping board towards him.

* * *

It was way later than Cassia had hoped it would be. The moment it had been polite and no longer suspicious, she had managed to excuse herself from the get-together Meredith had taken her to. It had been nothing more than a thinly-veiled campaign for backup among the more Chantry-supportive nobles of Kirkwall. Nothing too bad all in all, but the entire evening had left a bad taste behind, and Cassia had yearned to go home. But when she finally managed to get away, it was already dark outside. 

That her house was also completely dark made her pause. Cullen had said something about talking to Anders, but that had been so many hours ago that Cassia would have expected him to be back already. After quickly making sure that there was indeed no one at home, she locked the door again and made her way over to Adriene’s place. Maybe her sister would know more. And Maia would be there after all.

It took a moment after knocking before she heard some noise from inside, and Adriene opened the door for her. 

“Cass!” Adriene smiled at her, pulling her into a brief hug. “You survived your noble party, I see. Are you here to pick up Maia?”

“I guess I am.” Cassia couldn’t completely banish the slight worry from her voice. “Did you hear anything from Cullen or Anders?”

Adriene shook her head while she stepped to the side to let her sister in. “No, nothing. I have been wondering why Cullen didn’t come to get Maia yet, but I’m pretty sure I’d have noticed if Anders had come home. Seems like an intense talk then.”

“So Maia is still here?” Cassia asked with a breath of relief as they went into the living room.

Adriene smiled. “She is, she’s sleeping upstairs. We had a pretty big evening. I told her about the dragon in the mine, and then she desperately wanted to be the dragon. Of course I had to slay it, but thankfully, Maia the Dragon can be slain by tickling.” She grinned. “Do you want to go through the tunnel to see if they’re alright down in the clinic or do you just want to get Maia?”

Before Cassia could answer, a sudden bout of laughter came from the kitchen, and the two sisters looked towards it at the same time. With a surprised blink, Adriene turned back to Cassia. “You heard that, too, right?”

Cassia nodded, giving Adriene a puzzled look. Wordlessly, they both started moving towards the kitchen. Cassia was beyond curious as she pushed the door open.

The view she got was definitely not what she would have expected. At the kitchen table Cullen, Fenris, and Anders sat, talking animatedly while having what looked like a late-night dinner. The familiar smell of a hearty vegetable stew filled the air of the room. 

Anders looked up in that moment, seeing her and Adriene in the doorway, and he raised a half-filled wine glass at them.

“Ah, there she is,” he said just a tad too loud while grinning widely. “The absolutely insane woman who went to tell a templar the truth by straight-up waving magic into his face!”

“Huh?” Cassia made and blinked in confusion, trying to understand what was going on.

“Cullen told us all about that evening,” Fenris added with a grave nod. He sounded a bit more together than Anders did, but there was a slight shimmer in his eyes that made it obvious that he, too, had drunk his share of wine already.

Cullen meanwhile had a slight flush on his cheeks as he sent her an apologetic look. “Don’t worry, I didn’t tell them about the iced bedside table!” he hurried to assure her with a happy smile on his face.

“The iced bedside table?” Anders turned back to Cullen with a curious look. “That sounds like a story we need to hear!”

As if he had immediately forgotten that Cassia was still standing in the doorway, Cullen nodded enthusiastically. “That was actually a hilarious story. Same night, she accidentally broke said bedside table.”

“Broke the table? With magic?” Anders asked, and Cullen nodded.

“You know how Cassia sometimes gets extra icy when she is very emotional?”

Adriene sucked in a sharp breath, looking at Cassia. " _That_ was what you meant when you told us you shot icicles from your hands!” she whispered frantically while her sister just stared in disbelief at the scene.

“Ohhh!” Anders' eyes widened in understanding, and he chuckled lightly. “Actually, I _do_ know that…”

The sharp noise of Fenris clearing his throat interrupted them as he sent Cullen and Anders a very pointed look. “Are you two really going to start comparing notes?” he asked dryly. “Now?”

Cassia had reached for Adriene to have something to hold on to as mortification, amusement, and utter confusion about the situation in front of her fought a fierce battle for her attention.

“What in the Maker’s name is going on?” she murmured.

Adriene chuckled, pressing her sister’s hand comfortingly. “I think they’re actually drunk — and comparing notes, it seems.” Her grin got bigger when Cassia groaned slightly. The next second, though, Adriene’s eyes widened, and a wicked gleam came onto her face as an idea came to her. “Oooh. They’re _drunk!_ This is the perfect opportunity!”

She quickly crossed the short distance to the table and said softly into Fenris’ ear, “If this works, I’m going to need your help.”

Fenris had slightly turned his head towards her when she had bent down to him, now he blinked in confusion. “My help with what?”

But Adriene just winked at him while she took a step to stand behind Anders, putting both hands on his shoulders. “Anders?” she said in her softest, most disarming voice while she let her hands move forward over his chest until she hugged him from behind, her cheek pressed to his.

“Oh, she wants something from him,” Cullen chuckled.

“Mhm,” Anders hummed, shaking his head with a somewhat defeated look. “And I know exactly what.”

“Then you know all you have to do is say that one little, tiny, sweet word,” Adriene smiled.

Anders took a deep breath. “No,” he just said.

“Anders, please,” Adriene purred, cozying up to him even a bit more.

Anders seemed unmovable, stoically taking up his glass to drink some more. “I said no.”

“What’s happening?” Fenris asked, looking more and more confused as he looked up at Cassia who had come up to the table as well. She just shrugged, equally confused.

“Anders, pretty pretty please?” Adriene tried it again. “I’m going to…” For a moment, she searched for something to say. “Bake you your favorite cake every day?”

A smile came onto Anders’ face as he turned so he could look at Adriene. She smiled her most beautiful smile even though his face already told her what he was going to say. “I’m not going to say no to the cake, but my answer is still no.”

Adriene’s face fell, and she started to pout. “Oh come on, please!” she tried it one last time, but he only shook his head.

With a groan, she let go of him. “Blighted damned void,” she muttered. Looking at Fenris, she said with fake indignation, “You could have helped me.”

“Doing what exactly?” Fenris asked, his eyes narrowing as he looked from her to Anders. “I still have no idea what exactly you wanted to ask.”

“She wants to start training again,” Anders supplied helpfully. “But I told her already that that is at least another two months off after her injuries.”

“I’m going to be so out of shape,” Adriene grumbled.

“You’ll live,” Cassia said dryly, holding on to the thankfully now completely different conversation like a lifeline. At Adriene’s pout, she sent her sister a stern look. “Literally, you will be alive and hopefully heal completely if you actually listen to your healer.”

With an aside to Anders, she added, “You know, if all patients are like this I might reconsider this whole healing thing.”

Anders huffed in amusement. “Well, all my most difficult patients are in one room at the moment,” he said with a slight roll of his eyes, giving both sisters and Fenris some very telling looks before he smiled at Cullen. “Except for you, you never get sick, do you?”

Cullen only shrugged between bites. “Not that I remember.”

Adriene grinned widely at Cullen. “I bet with you being such a meticulous control freak, you are probably a horrible patient as well!”

Cullen spluttered, reaching for his wine to counter the scratching cough in his throat as Anders patted his back firmly.

“Let’s not try and find out, alright?” Anders said with a laugh before clinking his glass against Cullen’s in affirmation once more.

“Alright,” Cassia said a tad louder, getting everyone’s attention. “What has actually led to all of this?” she asked, still looking a bit confused.

“You said they should talk, so they… talked,” Fenris explained plainly. “I may have talked as well. But mostly those two.”

Anders’ arm was still on Cullen’s shoulders as he nodded gravely in agreement. “We have plans, my friends!” he announced in an important voice. “Many plans. For the Chantry, and for the Circles, and for Danarius, and for dinner.”

“We’re already having dinner,” Cullen pointed out, and Anders looked thoughtful for a second before he nodded again.

“Alright, so we have three plans! But they are for later when we are sober again. Fenris insisted.”

Adriene chuckled at the antics before her. “From the look of this that’s not going to happen anytime soon,” she said with a grin.

“That’s why we decided that it doesn't matter anymore today,” Fenris agreed as he simply refilled all of their glasses yet another time.

“Do you want to join?” Cullen asked, already half out of his seat to get glasses for the women as well, but Cassia just laid a hand on his shoulder with a chuckle and he sat down again.

“I think we’re good. Right, Adriene?”

Adriene nodded with a grin, coming over to Cassia again. “Definitely. This is clearly a bonding moment you boys are having. We wouldn’t want to intrude.”

“You’re not—” Anders started to protest, but they simultaneously shook their heads before exchanging a look and a laugh.

“You have fun, I’m going to take Maia home,” Cassia smiled before she kissed Cullen on the cheek. “See you later. Or tomorrow.”

Before she could straighten again, though, Cullen had slung an arm around her waist and pulled her onto his lap. “Are you sure you don’t want to join?” he said, his voice dropping a notch. “The evening would be so much more... interesting with you here. And you know how much I love you in those fancy dresses.”

Adriene’s smile widened as she saw the slight blush creeping into Cassia’s cheeks. But her sister just lovingly smoothed her thumb over Cullen’s cheek and shook her head, her own voice also getting somewhat deeper as she spoke.

“As much as I love you, Cullen, _that_ would be a decidedly different evening that calls for fewer people,” she smiled. There was a glint in his eyes that made her lean in for a quick kiss. Just then she felt the brief sensation of something tingling at the back of her neck, and Cassia gasped quietly at the realization that he had briefly pulled at her magic. Noticeably so. When she drew back, raising her eyebrows questioningly, Cullen didn’t have even the slightest hint on his face that would give him away. A little bit softer, Cassia added, “But feel free to wake me once you get home.”

Anders discreetly cleared his throat, saying a bit more loudly than strictly necessary, “How is this bottle empty already? Fenris?”

“No, not my fault,” Fenris shook his head, eyeing his half-full glass, “but I’m going to open another one nonetheless. A better one this time. This one was rubbish.”

Adriene chuckled. “You know where the guest rooms are, in case you don’t want to brave the long way home tonight,” she said. “Cassia?”

“I’m coming,” her sister said, carefully detaching herself from Cullen’s arms.

When they turned to leave, Fenris asked, “By the way, what was I supposed to help you with?”

Adriene shrugged with a disappointed air. “Training with me, of course. Guess that won’t happen for a while now.” With another wink, she linked arms with Cassia and turned to the door.

As the sisters left, they heard Fenris’ surprisingly pleading voice behind them, “Anders?” and Anders’ grumpy answer, “Don’t even start.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> MEN AND FRIENDSHIP AMIRITE?!  
> We *so* loved building those three especially.  
> Come talk to us on [Tumblr](https://intothedragonverse.tumblr.com) \- and make sure to check our [Kinktober 2020](https://archiveofourown.org/series/1947166) :D


	9. Endless Bonds and Broken Promises

The relaxed evening with Cullen, Fenris, and Anders turned out to be the last for quite some time, and their weekly dinners were reduced to one dinner every few weeks. With Adriene being healthy enough that she could start attending social events again — even though Anders insisted on keeping her from training for another two months — there were fewer and fewer excuses that would explain to Meredith why the connection between the twins was unbroken. On the contrary, the times they were both at a dinner or soiree, they were forced to display a clear animosity between the two of them, peppered with biting remarks that left both Cassia and Adriene drained and unhappy.

But their efforts paid off.

Meredith seemed content with Cassia’s work, making a display out of her friendship to one of the Champions of Kirkwall both at the regular Chantry services and public meetings they attended together. With their friends’ help, Cassia and Cullen produced enough results to keep the Knight-Commander convinced of the effectiveness of their joint work. In fact, she saw no necessity to keep them apart — much to Ser Oswald’s anger who had to focus his energy on his attempts to curry favor with the Knight-Commander again after his failure at the Wounded Coast.

Over the course of the next six months, the templar’s grip on the city tightened more and more. At all times, templars could be seen walking patrol or doing random raids in ‘suspicious’ areas. The mages in the Circle found themselves with even less freedom than before. Slowly, more and more privileges were taken away even from Enchanters of some standing. Trips out of the Gallows, if only to the marketplace, were all but forbidden with very few exceptions. In late summer, the guards in the Viscount’s seat were replaced by templars, with the Knight-Commander officially declaring herself acting Viscount until ‘the uproar in the city calmed down enough to hold an election’. The voices that spoke out against it were quickly silenced. There were a few public beatings and arrests for ‘disturbing the peace’, and several nobles found themselves out of favor or out of business. One or two had even disappeared when the city had come out of the shock that the Qunari attack and Meredith’s quick grab for power had caused. Adriene mourned the loss of Lord Jermaine who had been killed by a Qunari when he had refused to stand down in front of the Arishok. When Lady Carlisle fell suddenly and inexplicably ill in late autumn, the dissenting nobles were all but silenced, and few dared to openly voice any critique of the templars.

Behind closed doors, it was a different matter. True to his intentions, Alain had stayed to work in Anders’ clinic as a healer, and with his help, Anders managed to cure Lady Carlisle. Stubborn as the old lady was, she immediately hosted a Satinalia party that very pointedly included everyone but the Knight-Commander or any known supporter of hers. Instead, Adriene was the guest of honor, a figurehead for the opposition against the templars.

Despite the political unrest, the situation was better than either Cassia or Adriene had feared it would be. Cassia could continue to be with her family, and with Isabela around so much, Adriene was happier than she had been in a long time. The way that both Anders and Fenris kept a decidedly bigger distance pained her, however. Due to their plan to bait Danarius to Kirkwall, the two men made a show of being at odds in public. It also meant Fenris pointedly keeping away from the Amell mansion and in closer contact with Cassia and Cullen. The times they could all meet in the Hanged Man or at one of their homes became few and far between.

With the darker seasons falling, their secret meetings became easier, however. With Adriene’s ability to fight slowly restored, every job outside of Kirkwall’s borders or in the lower parts of the city was cherished for it allowed their group of friends and family to meet without arousing suspicion. Under cover of the darkness that already started in the early evening, Adriene was able to secretly slip into the Rutherford’s home to visit her sister and niece more often. Taking advantage of the tunnel to Darktown from the Amell mansion that allowed for unseen entrance, they also had bigger gatherings there that lasted far into the night, with Maia sleeping in the upper rooms.

When 9:36 Dragon came, the situation had become a new normal. First Day was already two weeks behind them when Bartrand turned up again. With Cassia, Anders, and Fenris as backup, Varric confronted his brother, intent on taking some sort of revenge for Bartrand’s horrendous deed back in the Deep Roads — only to find his household a bloodbath and Bartrand’s mind shattered and haunted by the loss of the red lyrium idol he had sold to some mystery woman. In the end, his death seemed to be both a mercy and a necessity.

A few days later, Cassia and Adriene decided another get-together with all of their friends and family was long overdue and everyone could use some cheering up.

The snow was falling in thick, white flakes, covering the whole city in a soft blanket that seemed to swallow every sound. Dark clouds had been hanging low over Kirkwall for a week already, bringing a perpetual twilight to the winter; slowing the quiet city down even more. When Adriene joined Varric outside in the garden of her home, her dark hair was covered nearly immediately with snowflakes, and she caught a few in the palm of her hand after she passed him a cup of hot, mulled wine.

“Thanks, Twirly,” Varric murmured, taking a sip.

Adriene wiped the snow from one of the chairs and used the blanket she had wrapped around herself as cover to be able to sit down, her hands closed around her own cup. For a few minutes, they just drank in silence. The golden glow falling through the windows created an illusion of warmth around them as they kept each other company and watched the snowflakes dance in the air. Inside, their friends were gathered in the living room and talking animatedly, laughter and bits of conversation drifting outside. Mulled wine, hot mead, apple cider, and other warm drinks and a bunch of food were being passed around, and somewhere in the background, Isabela was cheating Alain, Merrill, Bodhan, and Orana at a round of Wicked Grace.

“You know, it’s weird,” Varric eventually said quietly.

“What is?” Adriene asked.

“I feel like I should feel worse about Bartrand being finally gone,” he said thoughtfully. “I mean, you know we weren’t close, but… he was my brother. Instead, I’m mostly relieved.”

“Well, from what I heard, his death was a relief,” Adriene said carefully. “I don’t know what kind of life it would have been if he had lived. Perpetually tortured by the loss of the idol and the voices in his head, talking to people that aren’t there. And he can’t hurt anyone anymore.”

“Yeah…” Varric murmured.

The door to the garden opened, and Cassia came outside.

Adriene gave her a quick smile. “Is Maia asleep?” she asked, and Cassia nodded, blinking into the falling snow and holding the fur around her shoulders closed as she came to join them.

“Yes, I put her down in your bed,” she said before she laid a hand on Varric’s shoulder. “Are you alright, Varric?”

Varric nodded with a small smile. “Just thinking about Bartrand, that old bastard,” he said. “You know, he and I were never like you Hawke siblings. We were never friends, just brothers. Sometimes, he wasn’t insufferable, but that was the extent of niceness I could expect from him.” His face darkened a bit as he looked into the bleak winter sky. “Still, having him just leave me to die was something else. But even after that, I didn’t think I’d see him chopping up people…”

“Yes,” Cassia said quietly when he trailed off, tightening her grip on his shoulder.

Varric took a deep breath, then shook himself as if he wanted to physically shake the memories and thoughts off. “Anyway, I’m glad it’s over and done with.” He looked up at Cassia, laying his hand over hers and giving her a smile. “Thanks for having my back, Frosty. I know you’re under a lot of stress yourself with the whole Meredith business.”

“Always,” Cassia smiled before letting out a soft sigh. “If I am honest, what keeps me most on edge with Meredith is that I keep waiting for something horrible to happen.” 

“Tell me about it!” Adriene agreed with an understanding look.

The last few months had been packed with events, and while the constant acting was definitely a straining exercise, the unsettling feeling underneath it all that everything was almost working a little too smoothly was somehow worse.

“You want to know what I think?” Varric asked with an encouraging smile. At Cassia’s nod, he continued, “I think that last summer was so full of shit that you two have a hard time letting go of that and calming down now that there is not someone in danger of dying every two minutes.” He gave both Cassia and Adriene a pointed look. “The city still stands, and so do you! Give yourself some leeway to be happy about that every now and then, alright?”

A smile widened on Cassia’s face as she looked from Varric to Adriene. “That sounds like a great goal for tonight, doesn’t it?” 

“Not just for tonight,” Varric mumbled with a good-natured roll of his eyes. “You should always take my advice for the long term!” 

Adriene chuckled at his antics. “You may be onto something there, but maybe let’s start small and decide to especially enjoy tonight, alright?”

Cassia nodded, decisively pushing her underlying and ever-present uneasy feeling aside. “I am all for that. I don’t see all of you nearly as often as I want to, and I miss it a lot!” 

“You’re definitely not alone with that,” Adriene smiled and got up again. “Let’s get back inside and join the others, alright? It’s getting cold, and we might have to stop Isabela before she starts to make someone undress again.”

Varric chuckled. “That was a memorable night. Pity you two missed it.”

“The one evening we both have to be at an event, and you all go all out,” Cassia said with a shake of her head and a little laugh. “Cullen is still grumpy about it.”

“Can’t blame us for looking for entertainment even without you,” Varric chuckled.

“We’re not,” Adriene assured him, shaking the snow from the blanket and her hair as they stepped inside, leaving their shoes at the door. “We just keep hearing stories about that evening while all we can talk about is how horrible that soup was.”

“Then why would you want to stop Isabela?” Varric asked cheekily.

“Stop Isabela from doing what?” Cullen interjected, pulling Cassia against him with a kiss when they joined him and Anders on the couch.

“From turning that Wicked Grace round into a big thing that leaves you with decidedly fewer clothes at the end of the evening,” Cassia grinned, and Cullen groaned while Anders laughed into his wine.

“Oh no, not that again,” Cullen said with a shake of his head. “She already tried making me join them but I refused.”

At that moment, Isabela came over to them, casually putting an arm around Adriene’s waist who stood next to the fire. “Don’t worry, the game is over,” she huffed with amused annoyance in her voice. “Bodhan is an animal at the card table, I’m not playing against him anymore. He called my every bluff!”

“Maybe I should ask him to apprentice me,” Cullen mused with a calculating look to where Bodhan laughed with Alain, Orana, and Merrill, but Isabela quickly shook her head.

“Don’t you dare! You’re my favorite opponent!”

“That’s just because you can win against him,” Adriene chuckled, kissing her on the cheek.

Bela just shrugged. “Yes, because I’m a winner!” she said.

“You mean cheater,” Varric grumbled good-naturedly, which only made Isabela laugh.

“As I said, winner.”

Laughter washed through the room, and soon, even the last remnants of the slightly subdued mood from outside were forgotten while more drinks were passed around. When Cullen left for the bathroom, Isabela took the chance and threw herself onto the couch next to Cassia, clinking her glass against her friend's.

“Oh, this is going to be good,” Varric murmured from his armchair when he saw the mischievous look on Bela's face and leaned back with a wide grin of his own.

“What are you up to?” Cassia asked, raising an eyebrow when she saw the glint in Isabela’s eyes.

Bela smirked. “There is one thing I’ve been meaning to ask you ever since I’ve known about you and Cullen.”

“This is going to be inappropriate, isn’t it?” Cassia mumbled, but Isabela’s grin only widened.

“Oh no, don’t worry,” she assured her friend. “It’s just about his weapon.”

An incredulous laugh fell from Cassia’s lips. “His _weapon?_ ” she asked.

Isabela nodded mischievously. “You know, I've been wondering about that long sword he wields. Is he actually proficient with that, or is it more of a… compensation for something?” 

The flush on Cassia’s cheeks from the various drinks deepened, but her grin matched Isabela’s. Leaning towards her friend, she said with an air of confidentiality, “It's not compensation. More of a statement really.”

Varric sputtered and coughed as he choked on his drink while Isabela laughed in absolute delight.

"Good to know it's not only Curly spilling the beans once he's tipsy," Varric muttered when he found his voice again, an amused sparkle in his eyes, but before Cassia could ask what he meant, Isabela threw an arm around her.

“Oh, I love this!” she called out, laughter in her voice. “This calls for another drink!” Looking over to the table with the drinks, she paused however before she could jump up. “On the other hand…”

Cassia gave her a questioning look, and Isabela nodded over to where Adriene and Anders stood at the table, deep in conversation. Both had a perpetual smile on their lips and seemed completely engrossed in each other.

“Look at them,” Bela said with a fond sigh. “What are we going to do with them? I mean, _something_ is clearly going on between them, but I’ll be damned if I know what. They’re never flirting, and it drives me crazy.”

“What drives you crazy?” asked Cullen as he joined them again. The light flush on his cheeks told Cassia that he was at least slightly tipsy by now, and immediately, she shuffled closer to Isabela in an effort to make enough room on the couch for Cullen to sit down again. It got her a playful wink before Isabela pointed at Anders and Adriene. 

“Those two and their ongoing thing they refuse to talk about!”

With a sigh at the realization that there wasn’t enough space, Cassia got up and dragged Cullen close, gently pushing him to sit down before she got comfortable on his lap. 

“If they would only actually speak to each other about that topic for once,” she murmured, sharing Isabela’s frustration.

She both felt and heard Cullen’s gentle chuckle as his arm settled around her waist, and she leaned back against him. “Not everyone is as direct as you when it comes to their innermost feelings,” he mused.

“Well, they should be. Less frustration for everyone involved and around them.” Isabela huffed, looking like she had half a mind to go over to them and shake them heartily. 

"I don't know, Rivaini," Varric interjected, "from what I know of Twirly and Blondie, I'm not even sure they're aware it _is_ a topic."

Isabela scoffed. “Then someone should just force it on them at this point.”

“Alright,” Cullen said suddenly, and when Cassia twisted her head to look at him, she could see him winking at Isabela before he called out to Adriene and Anders.

Both of them looked startled for a moment as if they had forgotten everything around them as absorbed as they were in their talk, but neither of them hesitated to come closer when Cullen beckoned them over.

“What are you doing?” Cassia asked quietly, but he only grinned at her with a spark in his eyes. 

“Forcing the topic on them,” he said casually, and before Cassia could answer, not to mention potentially protest, he was already looking at her sister.

“Adriene,” he said cheekily, “did you know that it was Fenris back then who told Cassia about Anders’ true feelings?”

It wasn’t just Cassia’s imagination that everyone around the couch froze slightly in their tracks as several pairs of eyes turned expectantly on Adriene who blinked and shook her head at the sudden unexpected topic before she started to grin widely.

“Really?” Adriene said, looking at Anders for a second before she fixed her eyes on Cassia. “Don’t tell me you didn’t know about them before, Cass!”

“No?” Cassia felt the confusion well up in her as she glanced at Anders who had gone from being frozen to looking like he wished for an emergency at his clinic. Not sure what Adriene was getting at, she gave her a skeptical look. “Did you?” Cassia prodded, trying to understand why Adriene was so incredibly casual about this.

“Of course I did,” her sister scoffed. “Everyone did!” With a grin, she nudged Anders with her elbow. “Good thing that didn’t last, right, Anders?” 

“Uhm…” was all Anders managed, still obviously undecided just how to react to all of this.

“I mean,” Adriene went on without noticing his uncomfortableness as she motioned towards Cassia and Cullen. “It would have been kind of super awkward otherwise, with the happy couple over there and whatnot!”

Cassia wasn’t quite sure if she should start laughing or if it would be more appropriate to shed a tear for the utter obliviousness in front of her when Anders suddenly found his voice again.

“Wait,” he said, turning to Adriene with an incredulous look, “you think I was in _love_ with Cassia?”

“Yes?” Adriene looked at him as if it was the most obvious thing in the world as she patted his arm. “You two were like… you know! Fight until sexy times. So much tension! I mean, how obvious can you be!”

“Wow!” Cullen said dryly before he let out a deep breath, obviously trying to suppress his laughter while Isabela threw an arm over her eyes with a groan.

Cassia meanwhile had given up, grinning widely as she turned to Anders. “Yes, Anders, how obvious can you be?”

For a second, he looked back, and Cassia tried her best to nudge him with her eyes, gently pointing her head in Adriene’s direction, but Anders only sighed. “I need more to drink,” he murmured before hurrying away.

Adriene’s grin wavered, an uneasy feeling dropping into her stomach as she watched Anders leave, who deliberately took his time refilling his glass. “Why has this suddenly turned weird? Did I say something wrong again?”

So far, the evening had been more than wonderful. In the last months, Anders had taken his habit of spending more time in the clinic than at home up again, so Adriene saw way less of him than she liked and had been more than happy that he had foregone clinic duty for tonight. She would hate if she had destroyed the happy mood with a thoughtless remark.

Isabela jumped up from the couch, looking like she could barely keep herself from laughing, and took Adriene’s face in her hands. “Ah, seagull, sometimes you’re adorable without even meaning to be,” she said fondly and kissed her.

Adriene blinked in confusion when Bela pulled back again. “Why? The whole thing was over and done with long ago, right?”

“Sort of,” Cullen said, the cheekiness back in his voice. Cassia turned on his lap, a slight warning in her voice as she said his name, but his grin just widened. “As far as I know, his feelings never changed, have they?”

“Not one bit,” Isabela added, matching Cullen’s grin.

Cassia groaned and Adriene looked horrified, but Isabela just looked at her girlfriend and said pointedly, “Maybe you should _talk_ to him about that, hm?”

Adriene let out a sigh, the stone that seemed to suddenly lie heavy in her stomach becoming bigger. _Shit._ She had always thought that whatever was between Cassia and Anders was long over, that his crush on her sister had long abated. But seeing how uncomfortable Anders had become as soon as the talk had turned to his feelings for Cassia proved quite another story. And without thought and in a try to match the light mood, she had driven a painful thing even deeper.

“Yeah, maybe I should,” Adriene muttered, looking over to where Anders was still occupied with his drink. She missed the triumphant look Isabela sent Cassia.

“Look at that,” Varric mumbled, sounding impressed.

“Go on, do that then,” Bela said eagerly, giving her a light push towards him. “And if I have to go back to my room alone tonight, that would be totally fine, you hear me?”

Adriene frowned. “What does that have to do with anything?” she asked, but Bela only pushed her again.

“Go, go, go!” she said and let herself fall onto the couch again, a bit closer to Cassia and Cullen than necessary.

Adriene could hear some frantic mumbling but she paid it no heed as she went over to Anders, taking a deep breath and trying to push her own feelings deep down.

“Hey,” she said softly when she reached Anders, laying a hand on his arm. “Are you alright? I’m sorry if I upset you.”

Anders let out a breath and shook his head as he turned towards her. “You didn’t,” he assured her, giving her a smile that didn’t quite reach his eyes.

“But something is up,” she stated, tilting her head with a slight frown as she looked up at him. There it was again, that pit in her stomach that seemed to twist itself. _You’re his friend,_ she reminded herself. _Act like one._ “I'm sorry if I reminded you of something painful, I really am." Her hand on his arm tightened slightly when his face fell somewhat. "Is it… are you really still in love with Cassia? You know you can tell me such things, don’t you?”

“What?” Anders blinked and threw a dark look back at the couch where Isabela gave him a grin and a little wave. He shook his head with a little groan. “No, Adriene, I…” Again, he took a deep breath as he turned back to her. “Listen. I’m not in love with Cassia. I never was.”

“Oh,” Adriene said in surprise, her eyes widening. A sudden surge of relief went through her. “I always thought…” she murmured, then interrupted herself with a shake of her head. “So it really was just something for a night or two?”

Anders nodded, his eyes softening as he looked at her. “Yes. And it’s long over.”

A small smile came to Adriene’s lips, and something in Anders’ eyes intensified as he saw it, sending a flutter through her belly that she rigorously pushed down. “So,” she said slowly, “then what kind of feelings were they talking about?”

There was a heavy pause in which Anders seemed unable to look away from her. “Adriene…” he started, a slight grovel to his voice that made the flutter in her belly even worse.

Just at that moment, the door that led to the main entrance opened, and a gush of cold wind went through the room before it fell shut again.

A delighted smile lit up Adriene’s whole face as she saw Fenris come in. It had been nearly a month that they had exchanged more than a few words, and she missed him terribly. Before she could say something to him, though, Fenris went towards the garden, barely sparing them a glance. Her face fell somewhat, a familiar pain clutching her heart.

Cassia looked up as Fenris came in while Isabela was deep into telling them a story that was just toeing the line of being inappropriate. He looked a little out of sorts, his eyes wandering across the room as if he was searching for something. When he saw Anders and Adriene in deep conversation, he stilled for a moment before squaring his shoulders and decidedly going in the opposite direction. Cassia’s eyes followed him as he ignored the drinks and the food and turned towards the garden. 

“Where are you going?” Isabela asked with a playful wink as Cassia got up. “I was just getting to the good part!”

Cullen sent her a wide-eyed look. “You’re not going to leave me alone with her, are you?” he asked playfully, and Cassia shook her head with a laugh as she patted his shoulder. 

“You’ll survive,” she said with a grin. “No one has ever died from blushing! I’ll be right back.” And with that, she went and followed Fenris outside.

Still looking after Fenris, Adriene took a breath before she turned back to Anders. 

“I’m sorry,” she said, giving him an apologetic smile. “You were about to say something.”

There was a strange look in Anders’ eyes she couldn’t quite place, something that looked nearly like sadness before he shook his head. “No,” he said quietly, returning her smile. “It’s of no importance.” He laid his hand on her arm and gave it a squeeze. “I’m really fine, don’t worry about it. Do you want to go see what has Fenris so upset?”

Adriene’s eyes went towards the door leading to the garden. “He did look unsettled,” she agreed softly, worry in her voice. After a tiny hesitation, she shook her head. “But Cassia already went after him, it’s…” Again, she shook her head and looked at Anders, shoving her worry for Fenris aside. “Anyway, are you sure you’re alright?”

Taking a breath, Anders nodded. “I am. Come on, let’s rescue Cullen before Isabela manages to rope him into another game of strip Wicked Grace.”

Adriene wasn’t quite convinced that Anders was indeed alright, but she still nodded with a somewhat forced chuckle. He obviously didn’t want to talk about whatever had upset him earlier, and she wasn’t about to pry. He knew that she was there for him if he ever wanted to tell her. That had to be enough for now.

Cassia hadn’t thought to take her fur or a blanket with her, but luckily, she didn’t mind the cold nearly as much as Adriene did. When she stepped outside, her eyes getting slowly used to the darkness, she saw Fenris was standing a little bit away from the door. He was leaning against the wall, his eyes staring into the distance, and seemed to be lost in thought, watching nothing in particular. Without thinking about it, she went up to him and joined him. 

“Are you alright?” Cassia asked quietly.

Fenris neither nodded nor shook his head. A small sigh left him. “I am not sure what I feel right now,” he said, sounding almost tired.

Cassia wasn’t sure what exactly had her friend down, and so she just decided to ask bluntly. “Is it about Adriene and Anders?”

“Partly,” Fenris said before shaking his head. “Maybe? I don’t know.”

She didn’t need to look at him directly to know that his face was full of complicated emotions. For someone who rarely ever said out loud what he felt, his expressions were surprisingly obvious and open sometimes. 

“You don’t know?” A hint of disbelief was in Cassia’s voice. It was enough to make Fenris go on the defensive tonight it seemed.

“I know what you are going to say, Hawke.” Agitation shimmered through his voice, and Cassia’s eyebrows rose. The last thing she had wanted was to upset him.

“Wow, what did I do personally to piss you off? You only ever called me ‘Hawke’ when you were mad at me, and you haven’t done so in years!” Her comment seemed to give him pause before he took a deep breath.

“Nothing,” he murmured. “You did nothing. It’s not you that I am mad at, I apologize.” He kept staring ahead as he added, “I don’t think I am mad at all, actually, just… on edge.”

Cassia bumped his arm with her elbow. “I wasn’t going to say anything in regards to Adriene by the way,” she assured him, but his scrunched face told her he didn’t believe her. Over the years, they had had quite a few conversations that had featured the phrases _‘what are you waiting for’_ and _‘tell her how you feel dammit!’_ in abundance.

“Honestly, I wasn’t,” Cassia insisted. “Firstly, because I know it’s no use, and secondly, because you asked me not to anymore, remember?” And Cassia absolutely meant it. Fenris’ personal boundaries were more important to her than her desire to meddle and prod in his and her sister’s overly complicated relationship. Still, there were some moments she couldn’t quite help herself.

“Though I do wanna point out that it is pretty telling that your mind went there immediately.” She could hear him almost groan in defeat and immediately dropped the topic.

“I’m sorry,” she tried again in a more somber voice. “But you said it’s partly about them. Or maybe or whatever. So what has you so on edge? Is it just seeing them together like this?” Cassia didn’t want to pry overly much, but there was something upsetting Fenris and she just wanted to help. 

Fenris gave her a careful look. “Don’t you ever feel slightly strange about it?” he asked. “I mean, with all that history between you?”

“You mean because I slept with him twice and made a fool out of myself?” Cassia looked up at the patch of night sky visible between the houses. “I am well and truly over my feelings of hurt pride from back then, believe me. And those were really all the feelings involved. There was never anything more.” 

“Well, I still think he should have known better than to...” Fenris almost growled before he stopped himself, and his voice became calm again. “I maintain it wasn’t fair to you for him to start anything at all.” 

“I love you too,” Cassia said with a warm smile at his specific grumpy brand of protectiveness. “But at least that second time was wholly on me, I’m afraid. And I’ve told you so, you know that.” With another nudge, she added, “You are not really mad at Anders either.” 

“I’m not,” Fenris let out with an angry sigh. “I don’t know what I am. Seeing him and Adriene so close I feel like I should be angry, and yet I am not.” There was something almost helpless in his eyes as he looked at her for a moment. “If I am honest, Anders would probably be very good for her, and it would be so much easier if I could simply be upset, but I just feel… restless somehow.” 

Confusion went through Cassia at Fenris’ confession. “You think that? Genuinely, I mean?”

With another sigh, he nodded. “He would be! Let’s face it, Anders and Adriene understand each other on a level I might never get to.” His voice had gotten quiet as he looked up into the sky to collect himself. “Meanwhile, Adriene and I fight about so many topics...”

“So what?” Cassia interrupted him. “You are both opinionated people. Adriene and I fight a lot as well, doesn’t mean we don’t love each other.”

Fenris only shook his head. “She and Anders have so much more in common. They are like you and me in a way, there is this deep understanding…” 

“And?” Cassia’s snappish tone made him look at her again. “So what? They are best friends, just like we are. That doesn’t have to mean anything, romantically I mean. Just look at us two!”

At that, Fenris let out a small chuckle. “You are right. But on the other hand, neither one of us has ever been madly in love with the other…” He shrugged as his eyes lost the brief shimmer of humor again. “Sometimes I can’t help but think that Adriene and I are too fundamentally different to work.”

“Oh please,” Cassia scoffed. “Do you even hear yourself?” She had to remind herself to keep her voice down. It was late at night and they were outside after all. “You do remember who you are talking to, right?” Cassia nudged his shoulder, heavier than before until he looked at her. 

“Hi, it’s me, your best friend, the mage, remember?” she said, fixing her eyes on his. “Incidentally also the woman you gave your full support to when she decided to fall in love with a templar of all people. Don’t tell me you suddenly think differences are an obstacle for anything, you clearly don’t think so when it comes to the rest of your life.”

She could see in the sudden tension running through him that he was struggling with an answer. He looked away for a moment, but Cassia refused to let the matter rest. Not yet. 

“You said I shouldn’t bring it up, but since you actually started this topic, I am going to,” Cassia stubbornly went on. “You are in love with her, and you are being willfully ignorant if you refuse to see what she feels for you.” 

“I’m not,” Fenris said quietly all of a sudden, making Cassia pause. “Ignorant, I mean. I know how she feels. She told me.”

He sounded almost upset at that, and Cassia felt even more confused than before. “She _told_ you?” she asked incredulously. At his simple nod, Cassa was quiet for a moment. And here she had been, thinking that their main problem was that they didn’t talk to each other at all. She had been wrong about that apparently. It begged another question, though. 

“Then why in the Maker’s name aren’t you two together?” She could see Fenris getting ready to say something, but Cassia held her hand up, stopping him in the process. “No, listen to me: Are you absolutely out of your mind stupid? You have been in love with her for almost as long as I’ve known you. Incidentally, so has she.” Cassia shook her head again at the stubbornness that both her sister and her best friend were displaying. “Andraste’s ass, you two are so in love, and I know you both have a ton of other things that you have to worry about, but in the end, who in the Void cares? Look around you!” She gestured wildly, having talked herself up into a quite emotional state already. “The city is falling apart around us, we have no idea what will happen tomorrow, chances are that whatever it is, it won’t be good. But at least you could have each other?”

“It’s not that easy,” Fenris finally got a word in. “There are things to consider. The future is…”

“Uncertain? It always is! Do you think that if you solve all your current problems, it would somehow become an easy and smooth ride?” Cassia didn’t even wait for an answer. “I will bet you everything I have that there will be new problems the moment the old ones are no more. If you are waiting for a magical moment in time where everything suddenly will get easier, I think you could wait forever. If I’ve learned anything over the past few years, it’s that it never gets easier.”

Fenris shook his head with a snort. “As far as pep talks go this is not one of your better ones. It never gets easier?”

Cassia only shrugged. “No need to mince words here, in my experience, shit just keeps happening. But you know what? Even if it doesn’t get easier, having someone there with you who loves you? Makes it infinitely more bearable. Trust me on that.” 

For a while, neither of them said a word. Not until Fenris let out another sigh. “I just remembered why I usually don’t want to talk about this,” he said, his voice dry in an attempt at humor.

“Well to be fair, I did most of the talking,” Cassia said with a small chuckle. “And I’ll say one thing more: Talk to Adriene. Take your own advice for once.”

Fenris sent her a guarded look. His earlier restlessness still wasn’t quite gone, even though his mood had definitely improved. “You say that like it is an easy thing,” he murmured. “Did you ever have a problem that you couldn't solve with talking about it?”

Cassia’s face was serious again. “No, not yet,” she said softly. “But you know what? I’ve had moments where I wish I would have said something way earlier,” she admitted. “Like back when there was this rift between me and Adriene. Or when I was pregnant. It could have avoided quite a few awful or overly complicated situations.” With a small sigh, she added, “I remember you telling me to simply talk to Adriene and that she would certainly be supportive back then, and it still took me weeks and I made her feel bad on top of it.”

“So now you are turning my own advice around on me?” Fenris asked, amused, and Cassia grinned.

“Seems like I am! You’d be allowed to throw an _‘I told you so’_ my way.”

Fenris’ sudden laughter sounded overly loud in the quiet night. “The last time I said something like that, you almost ripped my head off!”

“What can I say?” Cassia laughed along. “I’ve finally seen the error of my ways.” In more ways than one. A look at Fenris told her that he was still unsettled. There was nothing more she could do about it right now, though. She had said her piece, the next step was entirely up to him.

“Listen,” she said quietly. “I promise not to bring this up anymore if you really don’t want me to, if you, in turn, promise me you’ll at least think about it, alright?”

He still looked slightly uncomfortable, but after a brief pause, he nodded. “I will. But I am afraid it might just have to wait a little while longer.”

At Cassia’s questioning look, he pulled a letter out of his pocket, handing it to her. “The reason why I was so late,” he explained, and the tension that had almost dissolved under the laughter was back in his voice again. “I got this today. From my sister.” He took a deep breath. “Danarius is coming to Kirkwall.”


	10. The Hour Of Reckoning

Tension. 

It was of a very particular variety as it lay over the entirety of the Hanged Man in an intensity like never before, Cassia thought. She had been in tense situations before, had talked herself out of the most precarious of them all, but somehow, today was still different. Never before had they planned something this meticulously. Even though her try at playing the Knight-Commander had been somewhat planned, there had been too little time and far too many variables to be certain of anything. Half of it had been improvisation and dumb luck. 

Not so today.

Today, everything was planned through down to the smallest detail. For all of them. They couldn’t afford anything less. From Anders and his carefully maintained conversation with Danarius over the past few months to Fenris, who carefully accepted a meeting with his sister, taking the obvious bait seemingly unexpecting of any impending danger.

Anders had been the one to suggest the Hanged Man as a location for the showdown, and Varric had been quick to make sure that no one who wasn’t involved in their plan was around to be caught in a potential crossfire. It wasn’t as crowded as it usually was, of course, but there were still enough people to account for a reasonable amount of patrons on a late evening during the week.

Instead of Corff, Adriene was behind the bar, a fake smile on her face as she put away glasses, an apron around her waist strategically hiding her knives from any prying eyes. On the other side of the bar sat Isabela, looking like the very picture of a drunk pirate captain with her several empty glasses in front of her. Varric sat on his usual table, together with Merrill, looking like he was engrossed in teaching her how to play Wicked Grace. Merrill herself looked slightly nervous, but Varric’s non-stop explanation of the different cards seemed to help her relax somewhat. A few tables in the back were pushed aside, making it seem like someone had created an impromptu dance floor earlier. It made it slightly less obvious how few people were in the tavern. There were weapons hidden underneath a seemingly carelessly thrown tablecloth, and close to it, at another table a little towards the back, Cassia sat with Cullen. Both of them did their best to look utterly engrossed in each other and not at all interested in what was going on around them.

Each of them was well prepared and well placed, having a good view onto the table to the side of the room where Anders sat with Fenris, seemingly making small talk. A quick glance over the entire room had Cassia both satisfied and on guard. Her eyes met Adriene’s for a moment, and her sister briefly nodded at her in acknowledgment. Cassia knew Adriene was most likely having the same deliberations that she had. Everything was indeed looking perfectly normal. There was nothing easily giving anyone away, and yet it was partially the complete normalcy that drove home just how constructed the entire scene was. Someone who was used to the Hanged Man would instinctively know that something wasn’t right, that the usual air of an unpredictable rowdy crowd was missing. But thankfully, Danarius had never been here before and would thus not know what the atmosphere should be like — and predictability was what their plan was built upon. Now, all that was left was to wait and see if it worked.

That was the moment the door opened.

Adriene could feel the slight pause in the air as if everyone inside held their breath for the tiniest moments before they continued with their fake conversations. But the person coming in was not the expected magister.

The elven woman was small and slender, moving with the careful attention of someone who was aware of their surroundings at all times. She had red hair a shade darker than Aveline’s, her skin tone matching that of Fenris. But more striking were the similarities in their features. Her eyes were of the same green, the shape of her nose and the curve of her ears identical to Fenris’. If there had been any doubt whether the woman Fenris had written to was indeed his sister, they were gone now.

This was the woman Hadriana had talked about. Varania.

Even though they had planned for this setup to be a trap, Fenris had been more than anxious when he had managed to track her down. Up until this point, they were still not sure whether Varania was in league with Danarius or if she was indeed only here to find her missing brother and had just been followed by Danarius. According to all their inquiries, she was a free woman, a tailor in Minrathos. Her letters had been cautious, her words stumbling, and she had arrived alone with the ship Fenris had booked her passage on. To all appearances, she was acting on her own. It made the whole endeavor even more tense since none of them knew where Varania actually stood — and Adriene knew that even though he tried not to show it, Fenris harbored a sliver of desperate hope that he would find not only his freedom tonight but his family too.

She could see that exact hope shimmering in Fenris’ eyes as he stood up.

“Varania?” he said, disbelief in his voice.

Varania paused as she saw him, then came closer, stopping a few feet away from him. “It really is you,” she said. There was similar disbelief in her voice and a hint of grief.

Fenris took a step towards her, his eyes wide. “I… remember you.”

Adriene threw a quick look towards Isabela who met her eyes with a surprised blink.

“We played in our master’s courtyard while Mother worked,” Fenris continued, nearly as if in a daze. Varania let out a breath, her hands cramping into the simple skirt she wore. “You called me…” Fenris trailed off, suddenly uncertain.

“Leto,” Varania whispered. “That’s your name.”

Adriene realized she had stopped polishing the glass in her hand, so engrossed and overwhelmed was she in the scene happening and quickly took up her work again. _Leto._ Could it be? Could Varania really be what Fenris hoped for?

For a moment, Varania seemed to want to say something else, but then she just shook her head. Her eyes flickered to Anders who got up as well, casually taking his staff, and her face closed as she took a step away from Fenris again.

Fenris held up a hand as if to stop her. “What’s wrong? Why are you so…?”

He interrupted himself abruptly as the door to the Hanged Man opened again. 

“I’ll give you three guesses,” Anders said cooly just at the moment that a tall man in expensive, fur-lined winter robes entered the tavern, flanked by several soldiers.

Danarius.

Fenris sucked in a sharp breath, all the color draining from his face and his eyes wide as he shook his head in silent denial and dismay.

One could see at one glance that Danarius was obscenely wealthy. His grey beard was meticulously groomed, every fabric of his layered robes of the finest quality, the buckles and adornments made of gold. He had a triumphant, cruel smile on his face as he walked into the room.

“Ah, my little Fenris,” he said in a voice that could have sounded fond if it had not been so condescending. “Predictable as always.”

They had been prepared for Danarius’ arrival, planned for it. And yet, now that he was here, Adriene still felt like nothing could have prepared her for the rush of dark hatred going through her as she laid eyes on the man who had tortured Fenris for so very long. It took all her willpower not to draw her weapons at that exact moment to just throw herself at the magister. But she knew that Cullen needed more time. Her eyes flickered to where he sat with Cassia, and she could see the calm concentration on his face.

“Hey!” Adriene called over to Danarius. The Tevinter blinked in mild surprise and tilted his head slightly as he looked to the bar. “I don’t want no trouble in my tavern,” she said sternly and with a sharp jerk of her chin towards the four men in arms who had fanned out behind Danarius.

The magister smiled cooly. “Don’t worry, barkeep. I doubt it will come to blows. Isn’t that right, my little Fenris?”

Fenris seemed frozen on the spot, his eyes still wide as they flickered from his old master to his sister.

“I am sorry it came to this, Leto,” Varania said quietly, avoiding his eyes as she took a few steps backward until she stood next to Danarius.

It was only now that Fenris found his voice again, and it was biting, full of pain and fury as he hissed at Varania, “You led him here!”

“Not quite,” Anders said, and Fenris spun around, finding Anders smiling at him with a face that held no trace of their usual friendship. “That would have been me.”

Adriene swallowed nervously as she carefully put the glass away and started to undo the apron that would hinder her movements in the inevitable fight. Damn, Anders was playing his role shockingly well. 

Danarius chuckled. “And what a lovely surprise it was to have been contacted by a fellow mage, and with such promises on top of it.” He clasped his hands behind his back as he nodded at Anders. “Someone who could guarantee that element of surprise that my dear Varania could not give me. Someone who knows that the freedom of mages is worth more than the life of a single slave.” His condescending smile widened.

“You! What was your price, abomination?” Fenris spat at Anders.

Anders just shrugged. “The means to destroy the Kirkwall Circle once and for all of course.” He looked at Danarius. “I trust it has been delivered to the agreed location?”

“But of course.” Danarius inclined his head before he gestured towards Fenris. “As for the payment…” 

“No!” Fenris barked. “I never wanted these filthy markings, Danarius! But I won’t let you kill me to get them.”

Danarius only chuckled. “Ah, how little you know, my pet.” With a click of his tongue, he waved Fenris’ words aside and looked at Anders expectantly.

“You want to take him with you right away?” Anders asked, looking remarkably detached, but Cassia could hear just a hint of hesitation in his voice and she tensed.

Danarius tilted his head, and for a second Cassia was tempted to ignore the rest of the plan and intervene right now to keep her friends safe, but with a click of his tongue, Danarius just looked from Anders to Fenris with an unsettling smile on his face. Something in his eyes reminded Cassia of Ser Oswald. They had the same nausea-inducing quality for her.

“Ah, do I detect a hint of jealousy?” he said in a tone that made the hair on Cassia’s neck stand up in disgust. “It’s not surprising. The lad is rather skilled, is he not?”

Anders didn’t say anything, just inclined his head in a vague gesture that could be everything from agreement to not caring, and Cassia was certain he simply didn’t trust himself enough to speak and not let his anger shine through.

Carefully, she glanced at Cullen who still had a look of deep concentration on his face.

“He will notice any moment now,” Cullen murmured quietly, and Cassia’s eyes fell onto the soldiers behind Danarius.

“We don’t know how many of his guards have magic, too,” she answered quietly. 

There was a twitch on Cullen’s face as he tried not to let himself get too distracted. “At least two of them from my initial impression,” he said softly. “I am going to smite that area the second we get discovered.”

With a quick glance to the others, Cassia was relieved as she saw that despite talking to Danarius, Anders didn’t stand too close to either him or his guards. Adriene gave her a careful, questioning look, and Cassia nodded almost noticeably. _Almost time._ As usual, Adriene understood her without words, a grim determination settling in her eyes. Her hands were hidden behind the bar, and Cassia knew her sister had her weapons drawn and was ready to leap into the fray at every moment now.

The moment Danarius turned around to give his guards the order to put Fenris in chains, he suddenly faltered. His eyes widened and for the briefest moment, he looked utterly confused before his features seemed to nearly split apart from rage. His eyes went all over the tavern, trying to find the source of his discomfort.

“Now!” Adriene shouted loudly, already swinging herself over the bar, drawing Danarius’ attention to her, making sure he was unable to focus on Cullen, who had jumped up at the same time as her. Everyone was moving, a myriad of motions at the same time. It looked almost like an accident, but the well-placed kick from Isabela against a chair was anything but as it sent the piece of furniture flying towards the guards, making sure they were too busy to even try and turn around. Cassia drew on her magic and froze the floor underneath them a mere instant before Cullen’s Smite hit its marks. 

In the blink of an eye, Danarius’ guards were dead and the magister himself was on the floor, surrounded by everyone in the tavern. 

Danarius though was surprisingly fast. Still looking beside himself with anger, he started to scramble up again, only to be knocked back down by the butt of Anders’ staff. 

“I don’t think so,” Anders hissed, a flicker of white in his eyes as he, despite the obvious presence of Justice around him, looked much more like himself than he had five minutes ago.

For good measure, Cassia sent a freezing bout of magic their way, building an icy prison around the magister’s hands and shackling him to the floor.

Pure rage was flickering in Danarius’ eyes as he looked at the group of people in front of him. Varania cowered somewhere in the background, holding her hands up in a pleading gesture, but for the moment, nobody paid attention to her.

“And here I was, thinking a mage would be sensible,” Danarius said with surprising calmness and a hint of disappointment in his voice.

Anders just scoffed and turned away from him, looking at Fenris who seemed overwhelmed and full of rage at the same time. “He’s yours,” he said to Fenris and made way.

The sudden chuckle made all of them pause. Adriene’s fingers tightened around her knives as she saw the pure amusement on Danarius’ face as his chuckle turned to outright laughter.

“Ah, you really have no idea just what you let into your midst, do you?” His eyes focused on Fenris, and in a sharp, commanding tone, he barked, “Fenris! Kill them all!”

The ominous glow of Fenris’ tattoos started to illuminate the tavern, and the satisfied smirk on Danarius’ face widened.

“Now you’ll see what my little wolf can— Argh!” A pained outcry cut his triumphant declaration short as Fenris grabbed him by the throat and yanked him up in the air, shattering both Danarius’ hands and the ice shackles Cassia had put on him.

“You are no longer my master!” Fenris growled, all the hatred and pain of the past making his voice ragged and sharp.

Danarius’ eyes widened in sudden horror, then a sickening, wet sound silenced him forever as Fenris ripped his throat out, splattering his blood all over the floor, and threw him aside like a broken puppet.

For a second, nobody moved, silence falling heavy over the room.

Adriene barely dared to breathe as she couldn’t take her eyes off Fenris, a swirl of emotion going through her. It was done, it had worked! Danarius was dead. Fenris was free.

But instead of the relief or even just realization she had expected, Fenris’ face was still twisted in pain as he stared at Danarius’ corpse, breathing heavily. Then he looked up, his eyes dark as he turned towards his sister. Again, his tattoos started to glow, and his voice was a low growl as he took a step at Varania.

“You!”

Varania looked utterly horrified, tears shimmering in her eyes as she shook her head, her hands still raised in a useless gesture of defense. “I had no choice, Leto,” she said pleadingly.

In an instant, he was before her. “Stop calling me that!” he bellowed.

Varania froze. “Please,” she begged. “He was going to make me his apprentice. I would have been a magister!”

Adriene sucked in a sharp breath, exchanging a look with Cassia before her eyes flickered to Cullen. Varania was a mage?! Cullen met her gaze and nodded curtly in acknowledgment.

“You sold out your own brother to become a magister?” Fenris asked in disbelief, disgust in his voice.

Varania swallowed, but she stood straighter, meeting his eyes with a firm look. “You have no idea what we went through! What I’ve had to do since Mother died just to survive. This was my only chance!”

“And so you were ready to see me killed?!” The glow of his tattoos intensified as he raised his hand, and Adriene reacted without thinking.

“Fenris, wait,” she said, taking a step towards him.

The look he gave her made her stop in her tracks, though, before she could reach for him. “Why should I?” he demanded.

“Because she is as much a victim as you are,” Adriene said softly. “I’m not saying what she did is forgivable. But desperate people do desperate things.”

“Elf… Fenris,” Varric interjected in a low voice. “Don’t. It won’t help. Trust me.”

For a moment, Fenris seemed to deliberate their words, his eyes fixed on Varania who just waited for his decision whether she would live or die with an utterly defeated look. More than anything else, it seemed to be this submissiveness that made him reconsider.

Slowly, he took his hand down and the glow of his tattoos simmered down. “I would have given you everything,” he said to Varania, the longing and grief for what could have been clear in his voice, then he turned away from her. “Get out!”

Varania’s eyes widened, and for a second she didn’t move, then she took a step back, and another, before she turned to run for the door. Just as she reached it, she turned around again, her eyes finding Fenris once more.

“You said you didn’t ask for this, but that’s not true,” she told him. “You wanted it. You competed for it. And when you won, you used the boon to free Mother and I.” She shook her head with a look of dejected grief.

Fenris stared at her with a mix of horror and desperation. “Why are you telling me this?” he demanded.

Varania made a short gesture with her hand. “Because you should know! Because freedom was no boon.” Her eyes wandered through the room, the carnage, and the people surrounding Fenris, and she added, “I look at you now, and I think you received the better end of the bargain.”

With that, she turned and left into the winter night, the door falling shut behind her with heavy finality.

It was quiet for a while as no one in the Tavern quite knew what to say. They had done it, and Cassia felt the relief flow through her. Their plan had worked. Flawlessly even. 

Maybe Varric had been right with telling her that her underlying anxiousness and her expectancy for everything to go wrong was unreasonable. It certainly felt so right now. 

Carefully, she went over to Fenris who still stood frozen, his eyes fixed on the door with a closed-off expression on his face. When Cassia gently put a hand on his shoulder, he flinched for a second before he recognized her and relaxed again, putting his own hand on top of hers. For a moment, he looked almost lost before something in his eyes changed. 

“I’m free.”

Such simple words, but Fenris looked like it was difficult to form his lips around them. Cassia felt a relieved laughter bubble up inside her as she gently squeezed his shoulder.

“You’re free,” she echoed his words. “You did it!”

“I…” he started, “I don’t…” The same lost expression was on his face again as he looked around the tavern. When his eyes settled on Adriene, Cassia could see the hints of an old pain mixed with confusion on his face before he schooled his features back into his usual closed-off mask. 

“I need to be alone,” he finally murmured, and with a short squeeze of her hand, he let go and turned to leave.

Adriene moved almost out of reflex before Varric stopped her. “Give him a few moments,” he said in a low voice, and Cassia watched her sister’s pained expression as Adriene’s eyes followed Fenris leaving the tavern, and she let out a small sigh. Anders looked similarly unsettled. He hadn’t said anything after Danarius had died, but even though the air of Justice around him had gone away, he still held himself rigidly tense.

As if to deliberately break the strange mood, Varric made a show of looking around the room. “No one better even think about leaving before you’ve helped me clean all this up!” he said loudly, pulling everyone out of their thoughts and back into reality. “That’s always the thing no one plans for…”

Cassia nodded, but she was still looking at the door, unable to not worry about her friend when Cullen came up behind her. With a gentle move, he put an arm around her and drew her against him. 

“I can’t even imagine just how huge this moment is for him,” he said quietly. “But I am sure he will be fine. With time.”

“I know,” Cassia agreed. She let out a sigh and with it some of the tension in her shoulders went away and she relaxed somewhat against him. “I think Varric was right and I am just not used to things going to plan and ending well all that much.”

And neither was Fenris most likely, given how long he had been on the run from Danarius. If Cassia had trouble believing everything was fine, she could scarcely imagine how hard it must be for him. But who knew, if things started to work out for the better more often, they would seriously have to work on that. As they started to move and help Varric, she found her smile again. 

“I can’t believe this was it,” Isabela said with a shake of her head as she put her knives away. 

“Right?” Merrill said quietly. “It’s almost a bit surreal.”

“Tell me about it,” Adriene and Anders said almost at the same time, and Cassia nearly chuckled at the utter dryness of both their voices.

It seemed all of them had the same apprehension when something finally went well for a change. She wasn’t alone with this. And neither would Fenris be. When he was ready, they would all be there for him.

* * *

For hours, Fenris walked through the night, just aimlessly trudging through the snow-covered streets. The snow was harsh and ice-crusted, breaking beneath his boots where it hadn’t been swept to the side of the street. His chest felt too tight, as if a scream was stuck somewhere deep in his throat, and not even the ice-cold night air could cool the heat that seemed to burn on his skin.

Freedom.

_Freedom._

Just one word. And yet, it opened the whole world. Finally, Fenris was free to live his life without looking permanently over his shoulder. Finally, the one person who had haunted his dreams, his _nightmares_ for so many years was dead. Dead by his hand. In his mind, Fenris could still see the moment Danarius had realized that his order had been nothing but empty words, that his _little wolf_ was no longer leashed. The way his eyes had widened in absolute horror, the smirk bleeding from his face as his words withered and died on his tongue a second before Fenris had torn his throat out.

But even more importantly, Fenris remembered the moment he himself had realized it.

That split-second when his whole body had tensed in terrified shock, his breath caught in his throat as he waited for his own reaction. Years ago, he had seen no other way out than follow Danarius’ orders to the letter, killing every single one of his Fogwarrior friends with bare hands, a lyrium-streaked ghost of death in their midst. Defeat and devastation had washed through him even as he fought, and yet, it had been inevitable. His dream of freedom had been happy and short-lived, and it had come to its inevitable end once his master had caught up with him.

But today, all he had felt was the unwavering belief and support of the people around him. Of his friends. His family. His loved ones. Not a single one had even flinched when he had drawn on the power etched in his skin, the lyrium glow washing through the room. And the person he had called master for so long had just been a shadow from his past.

That had been the moment he had known that he was free. That Danarius no longer had any power over him. And he had felt it too, the elation and triumph rushing through him like a breath of fresh air.

Before it had been wiped away again by the anguish and hatred, by the pain and betrayal.

Betrayal by his own sister. Another mage.

Fenris found himself at the harbor, staring at the sheets of ice floating in the black waters. It had started to snow again, tiny flakes that melted on his skin and swirled in the cloud of his breath, but he barely noticed it.

Why was it always magic? Magic was etched into his skin, staining his very soul and stealing his memories, magic that had allowed Danarius and so many others to hold their power over him. Magic that seemed to spread through all of his life. Not even here in the south, where magic was leashed like in no other part of the world, it had disappeared. And yet, instead of fleeing it, he had learned to accept it, had seen it come to his aid instead of causing him pain.

Maybe it was that what made him feel like someone had just ripped a part of him out of his chest.

All of his life, he had known that magic was power, dominance, and pain. Everything he associated with it was drenched in blood and darkness, with unspeakable horrors still clawing at his mind in the midst of the night. Unlearning this had been a slow process, born over years. His distrust had been met with careful friendship and trust, with open vulnerability and consideration. The mage Hawke sisters, especially Cassia, had been the first to gain his grudging respect and later, friendship. And slowly, the shell around him had been softened. None of his friends here had ever shown any interest in putting mages above others — not Cassia with her seemingly endless well of power, who only shared his desperate wish for a self-determined life; not Merrill, the blood mage, who saw her magic as a gift that served others. Not even Anders, who was the epitome of fighting with tooth and nail and beyond reason for mage rights. But now, after seeing Danarius again, after being betrayed by Varania, that old wound of fear, anger, and pain had been ripped open again. Mages, being what he knew them to be; corrupted, condescending, power-hungry, and with a disregard for the lives they deemed beneath them. Ready to kill even their family for their own gain.

Fenris clenched his teeth, a muscle in his jaw working as he abruptly turned away from the water and made his way to one of the entrances to Darktown. Everything inside him seemed in uproar, an anger he couldn’t quite place swirling through his very being.

He had planned to take a shortcut that would bring him out of Kirkwall’s underbelly somewhere close to Hightown, but instead, Fenris found himself in front of Anders’ clinic, his hand already on the door. For what seemed like an eternity, he stared at the dark lantern. What was he even doing here? It was closer to morning than midnight, even though the dawn was still a few hours away, so finding the clinic dark was no surprise. There would be nobody here.

Just at that moment, he heard a sound from inside, then a soft curse in what was unmistakably Anders’ voice. Without thinking further about it, Fenris went inside.

Anders was collecting a bunch of bandages from the ground, looking up in surprise as he heard him come in. He wasn’t wearing his usual robes, just a tunic and breeches like that one time Fenris had come to him to talk about Adriene. He looked somewhat disheveled and tired as if he had tossed and turned instead of sleeping and eventually decided to get up again.

“Fenris?” he asked. “What are you doing here?”

“I was about to ask you the same thing,” Fenris said slowly. “I didn’t expect to find you here.”

Anders frowned slightly. “Well… I couldn’t sleep, so I decided to give that cupboard a much-needed cleaning. That doesn’t explain why you’re here, though. Do you need help?"

“No.” Fenris looked to the side, poised as if to turn around and leave any second, his whole body tense. After a moment, however, he let out a breath, his shoulders dropping as he looked at Anders. “I’m… not sure,” he said in a far-away voice. “I walked around for hours, just aimlessly going through the city, trying to get rid of… this… this… this feeling. This magic, this stain that has not only been etched into my skin but into my soul.” There was a slight pause before he added in a defeated voice, “It did not work.”

For a moment, neither said anything, then Anders let out a sigh, putting the last bandages away. “Magic is not to blame for this, Fenris,” he said quietly, sitting down at his table with a tired look.

“Is it truly not to blame?” Fenris snapped, the tension from earlier swelling up again inside him. “First it took my memories, and now, it has even turned my sister against me! I thought discovering my past would bring some sense of belonging, but magic has tainted even that.” He shook his head, agitatedly walking up and down. “Everywhere I turn, it has come first. I thought I could be free from it, but…” Fenris trailed off, clenching his teeth. A muscle in his jaw worked as he turned back to Anders, that anger he couldn’t quite place still burning hot inside him. “Why did you help me, Anders?” he asked in a voice that was sharper than intended. “Why did you not take Danarius’ offer? He would have promised you the might of the Imperium for your cause.” He made a quick, cutting gesture. “You could have taken it all, the Circle, the dominance. All you had to do was give me up. Why didn’t you?”

Anders stared at him as if he couldn’t quite believe what he was hearing, drawing his eyebrows together.

Before he could answer, Fenris added, “I need to know.” Suddenly, the anger was gone from his voice, a nearly helpless look on his face. “Please.”

For a moment, Anders didn’t say anything, the tension between them stretching. Then Anders let out a sigh, his shoulders sinking. “You thought I’d betray you,” he said quietly.

Fenris didn’t answer, unhappiness in his eyes. He wished he could protest, tell Anders, _his friend,_ that he’d never suspect him of betrayal, but the ugly truth was that Anders was right. He had expected Anders to betray him. He knew Danarius’ power, his wealth, and his ability to dangle the things they wanted the most in front of people he could use. He had witnessed it often enough in Tevinter. And he also knew just how much Danarius wanted him back, that he would promise nearly anything to someone like Anders. Especially if it had given Danarius an opportunity to further mages and potentially establish a Tevinter foothold in the Free Marches on top of getting him back.

Slowly, Anders let out a breath, but somehow, he didn’t look surprised. Wordlessly, he got up again and walked over to his cabinet where Fenris knew he kept his alcohol. It was well-stocked, most of the assortment gifts from patients who had no other means to pay Anders than with whatever they had at home. He took out two bottles of whiskey, staring at them for a moment. Turning back, he offered one to Fenris who took it with just the tiniest hesitation.

“What’s this?” Fenris asked warily.

“Whiskey,” Anders answered matter-of-factly.

“I can see that,” Fenris said dryly. “But why?”

“I think we’ll need it.”

Fenris’ eyes narrowed in confusion. He had just more or less admitted that he had expected Anders to give him back to his old master, and Anders wanted to drink with him? But Anders didn’t seem to care for either his confession or confusion, he just opened his bottle, not bothering with glasses. He took a deep swig, then another, wiping the back of his hand over his mouth as he sat down again and motioned for Fenris to join him. Carefully, Fenris sat down, opening his own bottle, and took a big mouthful from it, relishing the slight burn in his throat and stomach that spread through his limbs.

“I didn’t betray you because…” Anders started, only to trail off again as he searched for words.

Fenris looked at him, the tension still rigid in his shoulders.

Anders wiped a hand over his face, shaking his head. “It’s not one thing. It’s all of them at once,” he said quietly. “Because it's wrong. The price was too high. You’re my friend. Trading someone’s life for another one’s freedom is no trade. There is no justice in it. Because I fight for freedom, not dominance.”

For a long moment, Fenris looked at him, his fingers tight around the bottle of whiskey, his breath scratching in his throat that still felt too tight. “Are you sure, though?” he asked in a strained voice. “Sometimes I find that hard to believe.”

Anders scoffed, a humorless laugh falling from his lips. “I guess if a templar came to me and told me he wanted to fight for equality, I’d find that hard to believe, too,” he murmured. “In fact…”

But Fenris interrupted him sharply before he could think better of it. “They’re not the same!” he hissed. “Templars and magisters, they’re not the same!”

Anders’ eyes narrowed, and a sudden current seemed to run through the air, the unmistakable presence of Justice just beyond the edge of their consciousness. Fenris sucked in a sharp breath, everything inside him tensing.

“Are you sure?” Anders demanded from between clenched teeth. “Both have power over others and use that power with indifferent cruelty, both tear families apart, both relish in their dominance over those they deem beneath them! Where’s the difference?”

“You have power as well!” Fenris shot back, fire in his eyes. 

But Anders didn’t back down. He made a sharp gesture, nearly toppling the bottle in front of him. “So do you! You can reach into someone’s chest to crush their hearts, isn’t that power?”

“I didn’t choose this!” Fenris growled.

“But you did, didn’t you?” Anders’ voice was sharp. Fenris was ready to argue, but Varania’s words were still too fresh on his mind. Before he could find something to say, Anders continued, “You chose that pain in the hope that it would erase someone else’s pain, so that your family could be free! A choice that cost you, yes, but still your choice.” Fenris stared at him, helpless anger in his eyes, but Anders wasn’t done. “I didn’t. I didn’t choose to have magic!” Suddenly, Anders was standing, nearly tearing his tunic as he pulled it violently from his breeches, hoisting it up as he turned around to show his bare back to Fenris. “And for all the power I have, neither did I choose this! Neither could I stop this!”

Instinctively, Fenris had gotten up as well when Anders stood, ready to defend himself, but Justice did not emerge. Instead, he found himself staring at the mess that was Anders’ back. Scars, too many to count, crossed his skin, some edged and dark, some fine and white. They told of countless beatings, some with a whip, some with blunt objects like sticks. Fenris knew such scars. He had witnessed many beatings that had left the slave receiving them unconscious and their skin torn and bleeding, had received some himself. Such scars were only left behind when no healing magic was applied. He bore a few himself, although not so many by far. Danarius had not wanted to spoil his property and favorite toy with ugliness.

Without thinking, he took a step forward, carefully touching his hand to Anders’ back. He heard him draw in a sharp breath, but Anders did not shy away, becoming utterly still under Fenris’ touch as he splayed his fingers out over Anders’ back and trailed them from his shoulder blades down his spine. He could feel the ridges of the scars beneath his palm, the slow relaxation as Anders let out his breath, and despite the uproar inside him, it felt like the skin burned beneath his touch. It lasted only a second, then Fenris took a step back.

“They’re real,” he murmured, horror and astonishment battling inside him.

With a sharp yank, Anders pulled his tunic back down and turned back to Fenris. “Of course they are,” he said hoarsely. He looked somewhat unsettled, but the taste of frost in the air that spoke of Justice’s proximity was gone.

“So, tell me again, Fenris, where exactly is the difference between your magisters and our templars?” Anders asked, sitting back down next to him and grabbing his bottle of whiskey as if he needed to have something to hold on to.

Carefully, Fenris sat back down again as well, his mind swirling. “I… I’m not sure,” he eventually managed to say.

Anders just nodded, pushing Fenris’ bottle towards him who took it without another word. For a few minutes, they just drank with each other in silence, the tension ebbing down to what felt more akin to the friendship they had built over the last few years.

“Why didn’t you heal them?” Fenris asked quietly after a while.

Anders shook his head, staring at his bottle. “You can’t heal if they drained you before. Or if there’s… worse things you need to take care of instead of a few bloody streaks,” he murmured, taking another swig from his bottle.

Fenris gritted his teeth, laying his hand on Anders’ shoulder and giving it a short squeeze. He knew only too well what Anders was talking about.

Anders looked at him in surprise but didn’t say anything, just laid his hand over Fenris’ and squeezed back. After another moment, he said, “I don’t blame you, you know. For expecting me to betray you.”

“Really?” Fenris asked wearily.

Anders just smiled slightly. “Remember the night we decided we would bait Danarius out?”

“I do.”

“Cullen talked to me about Justice before you came,” Anders told him. “And about the Circles. And I told him about my ideas, about how one Circle is not enough. How Kirkwall can only ever be the beginning, how we need to change the law if we actually want to change the system. If he wants his daughter to have a chance.”

Fenris raised his eyebrows. “Maia? You think she has magic?”

Anders nodded. “I do. There is something about her that feels… familiar. And I also think she’ll come earlier into her magic than Cassia did.” He shrugged and added, “I can’t be certain of course, it’s just a feeling. I never saw a mage’s child grow before their magic manifested, so it’s all speculation.” He made a small gesture. “But what I wanted to get at is that I didn’t sleep for days afterwards.”

Fenris furrowed his brow, confusion in his voice. “But why?” he asked.

Anders huffed a laugh that held no humor. “Because I fully expected a squad of templars to turn up at my doorsteps to arrest me. I told a templar about my dream to abolish the Circles, after all.”

“But Cullen is…” Fenris started, only to interrupt himself as realization settled within him. _Oh._

“My friend?” Anders asked, a slight smile appearing on his lips. “Yes. Just like I am yours.” He raised his bottle in a fake cheer. “We’re all products of our past experiences. And some things are harder to shake than others.”

Silently, Fenris looked at Anders. The anger inside him had simmered down to a barely noticeable heat somewhere in the background. It was still there, ready to flare up, but the pain that had stoked it had subsided. He felt like for the first time, he understood a side of Anders he had so far only ever grudgingly acknowledged. Hearing the pain in his friends’ voice, knowing he shared a similar instinctive fear against a shadow of the past had forged a new connection between them, and he felt like he could somehow see Anders clearer than before. In quiet understanding, he clinked his bottle against Anders’.

After a few more mouthfuls that started to dull the edges of everything around them, Anders asked, “Did it feel good? Killing Danarius, I mean?”

“Mhm,” Fenris grumbled, tilting the bottle once more. “I dreamed so often about this moment,” he told his friend in a grim voice. “I feared it. I yearned for it. And I thought about how it would feel, the glorious feeling of his blood running over my hands, the knowledge that I had made him pay for all he had done. And then… freedom.” He shook his head. “But when I finally saw him lying in front of me, when I finally felt his death, it was…” He trailed off, a faraway look in his eyes. How to describe that triumph, that pain, that glorious relief, and devastating hatred?

“Insufficient?” Anders provided, raising an eyebrow.

Once more, Fenris fixed his eyes on him in a narrowed stare, but all he could see in Anders’ eyes was a grim knowledge. “Yes,” he finally agreed. For a moment, his fingers tighten around the bottle, a hatred in Fenris’ eyes that was not directed at Anders as he hissed, “It will never be enough.”

“No, it won’t,” Anders nodded, his gaze dark. A heavy silence fell, then he added, “You know, that last time that templars found me before I got conscripted by the Hero of Ferelden — I burned them all. I… knew… some of them. And when they were dead, I found my fingertips raw, burned. Their armor was still glowing white from the heat, and…” He shook his head, adding more quietly, “And still, it wasn’t enough.”

Fenris grabbed Anders’ arm in a warrior’s clasp when he saw the raw feeling that looked so much like his own mirrored in Anders’ eyes, the whiskey giving him the bravery to take the leap he hadn’t dared take before. “Anders,” he said gruffly. “I haven’t thanked you yet. But I will now.” Taking a deep breath, he tightened his grip as he saw Anders’ eyes widen slightly. “Thank you. For helping me gain my freedom. Without you… who knows how long I’d still have to wait.”

Anders let out a tiny breath, then he nodded, a grim smile on his lips as he put his hand on Fenris’ shoulder. A warm feeling went through Fenris as Anders’ hand slipped to his neck, and he leaned forward until their foreheads met. “Anytime, my friend,” Anders said. “Anytime.”

For a moment, they remained like this in silent understanding, then they let go of each other. Anders cleared his throat, a slight flush on his face.

“Can I ask you something, Fenris?” he asked. “Why are you here? Why are you not…” He made a vague gesture that could mean anything, and Fenris frowned.

“What, celebrating?”

Anders shook his head. “No.” Leaning forward, he put his elbows on the table. “With Adriene.”

For a second, Fenris was unable to answer, a longing in his stomach that was so strong he felt unable to breathe. “I… was too angry,” he said softly. “She doesn’t deserve my anger.”

“But I do?” Anders asked dryly. Fenris shot him a look, and he chuckled. “Just kidding.” Getting more serious, he stated, “You’re not angry now, though.”

Fenris’ eyes snapped up to Anders. “Why do you want me to go to her?” he asked. Maybe it was the alcohol that made the lines between all of his feelings more blurry, but the words came more and more easily. “You of all people. You love her as well!”

Anders nodded slowly, an old pain in his eyes that was barely covered by his smile. “I do. Maker, I love her.” He took a large mouthful of whiskey, shaking his head as he put the bottle down again and cleared his throat. “But that doesn’t really matter, does it? She loves you and Isabela, not me.”

“I don’t know, I…” Fenris started, only to trail off. After a moment, Anders nudged him, a clear question in his eyes. Fenris grunted something undecipherable, then he continued more clearly, “I’m not sure if I have not squandered any chance I had. Maybe I should just step back. She is happy with Isabela.”

“Who keeps trying to involve you,” Anders remarked.

“Just like she tries to involve you,” Fenris retorted dryly.

Anders’ smile got lopsided, but he shook his head. “It’s different. Bela and I have fun, nothing more. But I’ve seen you with both of them. And I’ve seen the way their faces light up when you enter the room.”

Stubbornly, Fenris said, “I’ve also seen you with them, and—”

“I’m not in love with Isabela as well,” Anders interrupted him. “You are.”

The silence that fell was telling. Fenris gritted his teeth, taking a deep swig of whiskey that burned down his throat and in his stomach, and started to say something, only to bite his own tongue. What was there to say? He still hadn’t been quite able to make heads or tails of the different way the two women tore at his heart. And the heat coursing through his veins right now didn’t exactly help.

Anders seemed to sense his uproar. A bit more quietly, he said, “I’m not saying you love them both the same way. And I don’t think you have to. But there has been something growing between you and Isabela for a while now. So why don’t you go and be happy with them?” Again, he nudged him. “Now’s your chance. You’re free. Truly free.”

Fenris took a slow breath, looking at Anders. “What about you?” he asked.

His friend shook his head. “Fenris, I have loved Adriene for a long time. And I’ve known just as long that she sees me as a friend and nothing more.”

“Have you asked her?” Fenris interjected, stopping Anders in his tracks as he lifted his bottle again. Anders’ eyes flickered to him, the bottle of whiskey suspended in the air before he put it slowly down again. “You keep saying this,” Fenris prodded, “but have you actually asked her, talked to her about it?”

For a moment, Anders just stared at Fenris, something like doubt and hope flickering in his gaze.

“I mean, you know she cares deeply for you, everyone can see that. After Cassia, you’re probably the person closest to her,” Fenris added. He wasn’t quite sure why he brought this up — probably because he was drunk — but somehow, he felt it was necessary. “Why not tell her how you feel?” 

Anders started to say something, then he closed his eyes and resolutely shook his head. “No,” he said. “I’ve watched her fall for the two of you, and I’ve made my peace with it. There is no need to complicate this whole thing. She’ll be happy with you, and that’s all I want for her.”

Fenris let out a breath. “I don’t know if I could be so gracious if our roles were reversed,” he admitted gruffly.

“Seriously?” Anders huffed a laugh, laying a hand on Fenris’ shoulder. “Fenris, you already were so gracious.” His hand tightened as he spoke with a low voice. “You told me to move in with Adriene even though you know about my feelings for her, even though you were still intent on keeping your distance to her. You couldn’t know what would happen or wouldn’t happen, and still you did it.”

“That was…” Fenris started, only to interrupt himself with a shake of his head. “That was different.”

“How?” Anders asked. “You held yourself back for years from what you wanted the most just to keep her safe. And then you encouraged me to give her the proximity she needed to be better, more happy because you couldn’t give it to her yourself. I’m doing the same thing.”

“I’m not asking you to give that proximity up, you know,” Fenris said quietly.

Anders shrugged. “That’ll happen on its own. I’m already back to spending more time down here than in the mansion.”

There was a resigned sadness in Anders’ voice that tugged at Fenris in a way he hadn’t expected. 

“It shouldn’t, though,” he said, the words tumbling out of him before he could think better of it, before he _wanted_ to think better of it. “Happen. At all. I mean, you and Adriene…” 

“Fenris...” Anders grumbled, but Fenris shook his head.

“No, let me finish. You’ve always understood her in a way I can’t quite match. Fighting for mages, fleeing templars, hiding apostates. I mean, she’s a mage.” He made a somewhat erratic gesture before he continued, “Without magic, true, but we still don’t know what that means and entails, and… you’re a mage and…”

It was only when Anders gripped his shoulder more tightly that Fenris realized he still had his hand there. A low chuckle was in Anders’ throat as he leaned a bit closer with a look in his eyes that told Fenris that he, too, was far away from being sober. “My friend, what are you trying to do here? Talk yourself out of going after the woman you love?”

“No.” Fenris shook his head again, trying to bring some order into his thoughts. “I’m trying to talk _you_ out of giving it up.”

“But _why ?”_

For a moment, Fenris searched for words. Eventually, he gave up and shrugged, putting his hand on Anders’ shoulder. “You deserve to be happy too.”

Anders let out a breath that sounded like something between a sigh and a laugh. “Maybe you should go talk to Adriene and Isabela about yourself first before you start trying to fix _my_ love life.”

Fenris opened his mouth, then closed it again and chuckled. “You’re probably right,” he mumbled.

“I usually am,” Anders said with a grin that only widened when Fenris scoffed.

Fenris eyed his bottle that was decidedly less full than he had expected it to be and added gruffly, “I should probably sober up before I do that, though.”

“You can stay here and talk to them in the morning,” Anders offered before he took his bottle up again. At Fenris’ look, he shrugged. “Not like it matters much now, does it? Come on.”

With a grunt, Fenris took up his bottle again.

Anders smiled widely. ”To your freedom.”

The bottles clinked together, and a similar smile spread over Fenris’ face. “To freedom.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Come talk to us on [Tumblr](https://intoourmultiverse.tumblr.com) :D


	11. A Promise Of Tomorrow

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Midway through October - this year is just racing by (and crawling at the same time...) and we managed to take on a bit much ;) Which is why we decided to take it a bit slower and go back to a weekly publishing schedule for now. You'll still get an update every Monday. Read more about it [here on Tumblr](https://intoourmultiverse.tumblr.com/post/631609144732958720/an-update-on-our-writing) and thank you for your understanding ♥

When Fenris left Anders’ clinic after a too-short night and a quick wash and breakfast, it was already late in the morning. There was still a dull haze somewhere in the back of his skull that spoke of too much whiskey in the night, but he didn’t mind. The restless anger from the evening before had been replaced by a warm glow somewhere in his heart, and a hope he hadn’t dared feel for years. For the first time in his life, he had a future in sight.

He took the tunnel up to the Amell Mansion, a giddy nervousness inside him as he thought about talking to Adriene. He wanted to speak to both her and Isabela, but his history with Adriene was so full of emotions, full of untangled longing and pain that he felt it was imperative to address this first. He had no idea what to expect of it all. If he should expect something. Or if he should rather resign himself to disappointment. It was probably better if he assumed that Adriene could no longer forgive him. That she had found what she needed in Isabela already, and that he had forfeited his place in her heart, in her life.

But no matter how much he told himself not to hope for too much, he found himself unable to quell that careful joy, that hope for a future with her that had been woken by Anders’ words. They had reminded him of the many moments where he had seen Adriene’s unchanged feelings for him so clearly. A night in the Hanged Man that found them the last ones going home. A smile caught in a moment where she thought herself unobserved. That moment when she had greeted him and Anders after coming back from her months-long trip to the Vimmark mountains. When she had woken in his arms after her nightmares. Before her duel. So many evenings when they had walked together to or from Cassia’s home, or at a fire on a longer trip for a job. Sometimes, he wondered if she was aware of just how much she showed her emotions in certain situations — or if he was just able to read her so well.

His heart swelled as he thought about the way her eyes softened when she looked at him, that second before her whole face lit up with a smile. Fenris quickened his step at the thought, a smile tucked in the corner of his lips as he came into the Amell Mansion, hoping to find her downstairs already.

But the house was empty except for Bodhan and Sandal, going about their usual duties.

Bodhan immediately invited him for breakfast.

“Or at least a hot cup of coffee and some of the cookies I stocked up on because Isabela keeps stealing them, you can spare a few minutes, can you not?” he tried to persuade him to stay when Fenris stood somewhat forlorn in the kitchen.

“Thank you, Bodhan, but…” Fenris trailed off, shaking his head. He had so fully expected to find at least either Adriene or Isabela here that he now no longer knew how to proceed.

“I’m sure they’ll be back soon,” Bodhan said reassuringly, already filling a cup with the steaming hot brew and handing it to him. In the background, Sandal stole a cookie from the plate with a happy grin on his face. “From the looks of it, nobody came home last night,” Bodhan continued without noticing it, “so at least Lady Adriene will be here soon. She never stays away so long without sending word.”

Automatically, Fenris had taken a sip from his cup, but now he shook his head, the joyful energy from earlier all but dissipated. If Adriene hadn’t come home last night, she had probably spent the night in the Hanged Man with Isabela instead of taking the way to Hightown. Maybe his hopes were preemptive after all. Maybe he should take a few days until everything had calmed down, until everyone had had a chance to process what had happened. He should go to his own house and catch another few hours of sleep, find some time to think by himself.

“Thank you, Bodhan,” he said, putting his only half-empty cup back on the table. “I’ll come by another day. It was nothing of importance anyway.”

“Are you sure?” Bodhan prodded. “You know she is always happy to have you here. Especially since you have made yourself rare these last months.”

“I know,” Fenris muttered. How could he have forgotten that? Those last months, he had been so focused on their plan, on keeping up a charade that would fool any spy that whole weeks had gone by without him saying anything more than a shallow greeting to Adriene. There had been weeks where he hadn’t even seen her! How could he have expected her to wait for him now?

With an annoyed huff at himself, he turned away, mumbling a goodbye to Bodhan and Sandal before he left the mansion to walk the short way home. Contrary to the spring in his step on his way up from Darktown, he was now walking heavily, slowly. The day promised to be another cold and snow-filled one, the clouds fat and black in the sky, hanging so low they half shrouded the rooftops in mist. The air was ice-cold, chasing the last shreds of haziness from his mind and biting in his skin as he made his way over the frozen ground. His fingers were red and cold as he unlocked the door and went inside. He tapped his boots against the wall to get the snow off and took off the winter coat that Adriene had made him a few years back to carefully hang it in the wardrobe before he unbuckled his breastplate and gauntlets, throwing them carelessly aside. As he walked upstairs in silence, he took off his weapon’s belt and his sword, putting them against the wall before he walked to the living room.

Caught up in his thoughts, he didn’t even notice the slight shimmer of warmth coming from inside until he opened the door. Only then did he realize that someone was inside. His eyes widened in surprise.

“Adriene,” he said, somewhat dumbfounded.

“Oh, thank the Maker, you’re back.”

Adriene slowly got up from the armchair she had waited in, pure relief in her face. Fenris could see her knives ready to grab next to her on the small table. A fire was burning, but despite the comfortable warmth in the room, she had had a blanket wrapped around herself that she let fall aside as she stood. She was still wearing the same outfit from the night before when she had posed as the barkeeper, the low-cut blouse that left her shoulders free and breeches that hugged her curves. The night before, he had been too occupied to appreciate it, but now, the sight of her made him swallow hard. 

“I…” she started somewhat self-consciously when he didn’t say anything, too stunned to find his voice. “I was worried about you. I thought Danarius had maybe sent guards here in case you didn’t turn up in the Hanged Man, so Bela and I came to make sure you’re… unharmed.” Her smile was a bit uncertain as she looked at him.

“Isabela is here as well?” Fenris asked before he could think of something else to say, cursing his sluggish thoughts.

Adriene shook her head, wiping a stray lock back behind her ear. “She left a while ago to check if you turned up in Lowtown again. As I said, we were… worried.”

Fenris took a step into the room, the door falling shut behind him. All of a sudden, his heart was beating furiously as all the things he had thought about earlier rushed back, all the hopes and fears. “I’m sorry,” he said, his voice hoarse.

Adriene shook her head again. “Don’t be,” she started, a small smile on her lips. “You’re—”

But she stopped when Fenris took another step towards her, making a small gesture to interrupt her. “For leaving you two years ago,” he continued. He saw Adriene’s eyes widen at his words, but he wasn’t done yet. It needed to be said, all of it needed to be put out there or the words would burn forever in his heart. “I was a coward. The pain, the memories it brought up… it was too much. But even after it faded, I was scared by the thought of losing you once Danarius came, scared by just how much you mean to me. I wanted to protect you, from him, from myself.” Another step brought him halfway towards her.

Adriene still stood absolutely silent, her eyes wide and fixed on him, one hand at her mouth, fingertips hovering over her lips as if she was ready to cover them any second.

“But I’m free now, truly free. And I’m no longer scared,” Fenris added, his voice getting low and soft. He seemed to move on his own until he found himself directly in front of her. “I love you. And I should have asked for your forgiveness long ago. Can you…”

Her answer came before he had even finished his question. “Yes.”

The word was so small that at first, Fenris thought he had imagined it. But the smile that spread over her lips as she looked up at him with shimmering eyes told him more than any words ever could. It sent a warm surge of happiness through him that left him breathless. Very carefully, Adriene’s hand rose to lay itself softly against his chest.

“Truly?” he asked, barely daring to trust himself. He raised his hand to touch the side of her neck, and the slight hitch in her breath sent a sliver of heat down his spine.

A chuckle fell from her lips that seemed to resonate in his very chest. “Well, if you insist, I can hold it over you for a while longer, I’m sure it’ll be fun to see y— ”

The rest of the word was swallowed by his mouth as he kissed her without further hesitation.

Adriene’s heart missed a whole beat as Fenris’ lips met hers before it sparked alive again and all thoughts scattered, dissolving into nothing but feeling, a rush of elation and heat taking her breath away. Finally. _Finally._ Fenris’ hand was on her neck, angling her head so he could deepen the kiss, and his other arm pulled her flush against him. At his touch, all the worry and tiredness from the last night fell off her and she melted into his arms. She felt the flick of his tongue against hers deep down in her belly, and a small moan escaped her as she flung her arms around him, pressing herself against him as if she couldn’t bear the thought of any distance between them. The sound seemed to awaken something in him, and she felt the groan from his throat vibrate against her lips, shuddering through her whole body and making her toes curl.

Without breaking their kiss, they moved until Adriene’s breath left her in a soft huff as she bumped against the cold stone of the wall. Her hand was curled into his hair, soft and silken beneath her fingers, a harsh contrast to the hardness of his body against hers. It woke a hunger inside her she had denied herself for so long that it nearly threatened to consume her. His mouth was devouring her, moving over her lips with demanding determination. Adriene was glad she was already pressed against the wall, for when he nudged her legs apart with his knee until they were framing him, she was sure they wouldn’t have carried her anymore. She could feel his hand wander down her body, lingering where her blouse was tucked into her breeches. His fingers curled into the fabric, and Adriene arched her back to urge him on. She could feel his smile against her lips before he kissed his way along her jaw to her throat while his fingers ran down the curve of her neck to her bare shoulders. A shiver ran over her as his tongue teased the sensitive spot beneath her ear before his teeth scraped over her pulse, coaxing a breathless sigh from her that made him hum his pleasure against her skin. He obviously remembered what kind of things this caress did to her.

The next moment, she felt his breath whisper against her ear. "If there is a future to be had," he murmured breathlessly before cupping her face in his hand and searching her eyes, "I will walk into it gladly at your side."

Adriene found herself unable to answer in words at first as the feelings she had caged and tried to control for so long broke free and filled every fiber of her being.

“I love you,” she whispered as she touched her fingertips to his cheek, trailing them over his skin as if she wanted to memorize every line of his features.

“I love you,” she repeated before she pulled him towards herself again, her lips tenderly brushing against his.

 _I love you,_ she wordlessly told him as she kissed him again and again, every touch a soft reminder of her feelings.

But the softness quickly rekindled into something more as Fenris deepened the kiss at the same time that he pulled the blouse from her trousers with a firm tug. The touch of his hands running beneath her blouse etched flame over her body that stoked the fire in her belly, and with feverish fingers, she started to fumble at the buttons of his shirt. After just a moment, he broke the kiss, giving her a heated look and more ripped than opened the last few buttons of his shirt and shrugged out of it before tossing it aside.

Pure desire was in her eyes as she looked at him, the tip of her tongue darting out to wet her lower lip as her hands moved carefully and deliberately over his muscles, painting a trail from his shoulders over his chest to his hips that she followed with her lips as far as her position allowed her, boxed in as she was between him and the wall. _Maker,_ he was beautiful. A low growl was in the back of Fenris’ throat as he saw the expression on her face, but before she could nudge him to let her go to continue her trail down his body, he caught her chin in his hand. The next moment, his mouth was back on hers with devouring heat, kissing her with all he had as his hands got busy with getting the rest of the blouse out of her trousers before they tightened around her hips and lifted her high enough so she could sling her legs around him.

Even through both their trousers, Adriene could feel the proof of his desire pressing against her, and instinctively, she rolled her hips slowly and teasingly against him. With a breathless moan, her head fell to the side, baring her neck as his mouth wandered down to her shoulder. She was still fully clothed, and slowly, she got impatient. She wanted more than him beneath her hands, she wanted his naked skin against hers. Squirming against him, she pulled at the laces of the blouse that kept the neckline somewhat decent, and with a sudden plunge, the offending piece of fabric slid down her arms, barely kept in place by the swell of her breasts.

Before she could shrug it down even further, though, Fenris caught her hand. His eyes darkened as he looked down at her, the heavy rise and fall of her breath, the darkened red of her lips from his kisses. She pulled her lower lip between his teeth, letting her head sink back against the wall with an inviting look, and a shuddering murmur of her name, resonating deep in his chest, was her reward.

When she tried to pull her hand free, he let go with fire in his eyes, and Adriene moved deliberately slow as she started to pull down the blouse, baring herself for him.

Before she had even come halfway, though, the loud bang of the main door falling shut tore them abruptly out of their abandon, and they both froze. Fenris’ eyes darkened dangerously as he turned halfway towards the door without letting go of her, a silver shimmer starting to run over his body as he said in a low voice, “I locked the door.”

“Adriene!” Isabela’s voice rang through the house, and Adriene chuckled, still somewhat breathless, pulling the blouse back up again.

“As if a lock would stop either of us,” she grinned, and Fenris let out a breath, the glow of his tattoos simmering down again.

“I should have known,” he said with a chuckle, shaking his head as he pulled a tiny bit back so Adriene stood on her own again. His arm was still slung around her waist, though, a wordless possessiveness in the gesture that kept the heat inside her alive.

The next moment, the door flew open, and Isabela barged in. “He was with Anders but has left hi— oh.” She paused in the door in surprise, then a wide smile started to spread over her face as she saw the two of them. “Oh, finally.”

“I found him,” Adriene said with a bright smile that betrayed her happiness. Fenris smiled down on her, his fingers caressing her bare skin beneath her blouse and sending a shiver through her.

“I see that,” Bela smirked from the door, her eyes gleaming as she winked at Adriene. “I’m going to leave you two to it then.”

As she turned towards the door, though, Fenris called out to her, “Isabela, wait.” She paused, looking back at them. “Stay?” he asked.

For a moment, she seemed surprised, then her smile widened. “Mhm, you want me to join? I’m down for that. We might need a more comfortable place than that wall, though.” With a chuckle and that sultry look that she so loved to assume, she put a hand on her hip and started to walk towards them. But Fenris’ next words stopped her in her tracks again.

“No, I…” he started, only to pause to look from one to the other. Adriene saw the raw emotion on his face and instinctively curled her fingers in the soft hair in his neck in a calming gesture. “I want to _be_ with you both,” Fenris said quietly, a vulnerability to his voice he rarely showed. Adriene bit her lip as her heart leaped in her chest in joy, but she kept quiet. She knew that both of them were aware of her feelings; she was not the one in question right now.

“Oh,” Isabela made, her eyes widening as she looked at Fenris. “You… you really meant it when we talked about that.”

He nodded silently.

Adriene looked from one to the other, raising her eyebrows. “You talked about this?”

Isabela smiled, a rare display of emotion on her face as she looked at Fenris with soft eyes. “Yes. After the Wounded Coast. I asked him to stay.”

“And I said I wouldn’t leave,” Fenris said in a low voice.

“You did.” Bela’s smile widened and she put out her hand as she crossed the last bit of distance between them. He took her hand and pulled her closer, wrapping one arm around her waist. “You have no idea how long I wanted to do that,” Isabela murmured, her golden eyes dark as she touched his cheek. There was barely any space between them, and it took her only the tiniest movement to close the distance between them. It was a tentative kiss, soft, searching at first, but when his tongue flickered against her lips, her hand wandered from his cheek to his neck, pulling him closer with a small groan as he deepened the kiss.

The desire in Adriene’s stomach flared up to a searing fire as she watched them get lost in their kiss, Fenris’ hand on her waist keeping her close to him. With a small sigh, she took advantage of the way his neck was bared right next to her, and she could feel the slight hitch in his breath when she turned more towards him and pressed her lips against his neck. While Isabela was busy with his mouth, Adriene devoted herself to Fenris’ neck and ear, delighting in the growl they woke in his throat.

It didn’t take long though before Isabela broke away, though, giving them both a once-over.

“You’re wearing way too many clothes,” she admonished in a hoarse voice.

Adriene gave her a breathless smile. “We were working on it, but you interrupted us,” she teased. “Also, you’re one to talk.”

Raising an eyebrow, she looked at her girlfriend, who had not even taken off her winter coat.

Bela grinned. “True. But we can easily remedy that.” Disentangling herself from both Adriene and Fenris, she took a few steps backward and unclasped her coat that fell heavily to the ground. But before she continued, she cocked her head playfully.

“Bedroom?” she asked, not taking her eyes off her partners as she shrugged out of the jacket she had adopted for the winter, undid the shawl over her hips and threw it aside.

“Yes,” Fenris breathed, his voice gruff in his throat.

Taking Adriene’s hand, he quickly led the way to his bedroom, Isabela at his other side. A cool breeze gave Adriene goosebumps as they walked through the hallway until they reached a small door she had so far always just walked by without giving it any thought.

It was a small room, with walls painted a dark green that was nearly black, in parts hung with light cloth. A fireplace was on one wall in which some embers still glowed, and several incredibly soft carpets and a low chaise longue on the floor. A small but beautifully carved chest of drawers was in one corner upon which several half-burned candles were set, and a low table with two or three books. On every other surface, there were plants. On the other side of the room, wooden planks were carefully laid upon the otherwise stone floor to make a small elevation upon which a large bed was seated, framed by beige, huge scarves hanging from the ceiling, half concealing it.

“This is lovely,” Isabela said in an admiring voice as she stepped into the room, echoing Adriene’s feelings who looked around with wide eyes.

“Thank you,” Fenris murmured. He paused in the door, but Isabela had only one thing on her mind. She took Fenris’ free hand and pulled him and Adriene towards the bed, walking backward with a promising look in her eyes. When she felt the bed against her knees, she pulled Adriene into her arms.

“You’re still overdressed,” Isabela whispered against her lips. Adriene smiled, brushing her lips over Isabela’s just short of kissing her. She knew this playful side of Isabela only too well and had no intention of giving in just yet.

“I’m wearing less than you are, darling,” she purred, opening her fingers with which she held her blouse together. With a slight whisper, it fell deeper, only caught by the last of the laces in it.

Bela chuckled before she gave Fenris a look full of promise and took a few steps back. Adriene turned back into Fenris’ arms with a smile. “We’re in for a treat,” she murmured, letting herself be pulled down to sit on the bed and settle in his embrace only too willingly.

Isabela threw her dark locks back over her shoulder with a smile and started to undo the knots and buttons that held her top in place. The heavier cloth she wore in the winter months did not leave as deep a cleavage as her preferred summer corsage, but the way it crossed over her full breasts was not in the least less sexy, and Adriene felt her breath catch as Isabela slowly peeled one strap over her shoulder, then the other. Inch by inch, Bela freed herself of the offending garment, revealing one dusky peak of her breasts, then the other. Heat crawled up Adriene’s skin and brought a deep flush to her cheeks, and from the way she could feel Fenris’ pulse race beneath her palm, he was just as affected. Isabela had an alluring smile on her lips, a soft sway to her hips as she opened one last button and pulled her top off to let it fall to the ground.

Licking her lips, Adriene looked up at Fenris. He seemed completely transfixed, his mouth slightly open and his eyes dark as he watched Isabela undress. His arm around Adriene held her close against him, but there was something in the way he held himself that told her that he could barely hold himself back to reach for Isabela as well. Watching him watch her was nearly as enticing as witnessing the slow striptease that Isabela did for them. Throwing a look over to Isabela every now and then as she took off her boots and peeled down her trousers, revealing the dark locks between her legs, Adriene started to let her hand wander down his body until she found the bulge in his pants.

Her name broke with a deep moan from his lips as she started to carefully stroke him through the fabric and for a second, his eyes fluttered shut. Adriene’s mouth was on his neck again, wandering over his skin, teeth scraping over his pulse until she sucked the lobe of his ear between her lips. At the same time, she started to open the laces of his breeches. Isabela was down to the high stockings Adriene was so fond of, and with a promising smile, she came back to them.

Fenris felt like he was swimming in a sea of overwhelming emotions. Adriene’s hand found her way into his pants, her skillful fingers closing tightly around his length just as Isabela sank down on the bed next to him. As she smiled at him, his hand went over Bela’s arm and shoulder to her hair, grabbing a fistful of her dark locks, pulling her head back slightly. He trailed a wet line over her throat and to her jaw until he found her lips, warm and inviting, tasting faintly of Adriene. The way her golden eyes were half-closed, hooded with lust and full of that ever-present challenge sent a spike of desire down his spine. Adriene’s hand between his legs was still wandering up and down his already leaking erection, and he bucked into her fist nearly involuntarily, a moan caught deep in his throat.

Isabela kissed him with a need and single-mindedness behind it that made every thought dissipate, and Fenris no longer cared which hand belonged to whom, whose lips were where as he sank onto his back. His trousers were quickly discarded, a hot mouth replacing Adriene’s hand, his throaty gasp at the sensation of her tongue twirling over him swallowed by Isabela’s kiss who was stretched out next to him. One of his hands was clasped in Adriene’s hair as her head rose and sank on him, sucking him in earnest now until he started to thrust his hips upward in tiny motions that tore low moans from him. His other hand had found Isabela’s breasts, teasing the stiff peaks until Bela squirmed with needy little gasps against him. Through half-closed eyes, he saw Adriene’s hand between Isabela’s legs, moving with a singular purpose, and the sight of the desperate little movements Bela made with her hips sent him nearly over the edge. Just at that moment, Isabela broke free from his kiss, burying her face at his shoulder with a deep moan as her whole body tensed, then shuddered in her release. Shivers of heat seemed to come in waves of her body and sink into him, curling his toes as he found himself lost in the administrations of Adriene’s mouth, in the sensations of Isabela’s body as she arched against him, in their hands on his skin.

The movements of his hips as he thrust into Adriene’s mouth became erratic, and with a low curse deep from his chest, his hand in Adriene’s hair tightened before he could lose control, guiding her off him. With a last swirl of her tongue over the crown of his cock, she let him out of the velvet wetness of her mouth. Only now as she sank back on her heels did he realize that she had slipped off the bed, kneeling between his legs.

“Fenhedis, Adriene,” he groaned as he saw the tip of her tongue dart out to lick her lips with a coy smile before she sucked her fingers that were glistening with Isabela’s arousal into her mouth. At some point, she had lost the band with which she held her ponytail back, a wild mess of hair framing her face, and he thought she looked utterly mesmerizing.

“She’s still overdressed,” Isabela breathed, “let’s remedy that.”

Fenris murmured his eager assent, and together, they brought Adriene onto the bed to lie between them.

With bright eyes and a breathless smile, Adriene sank down into both their arms, melting into their touches. Isabela pulled the trousers off Adriene while Fenris tore the blouse off her, his mouth blazing a hot trail from her lips down to her breasts, closing his lips over the dusky peaks and sending a sharp spike of lust down into her core that had her moaning already. Isabela’s patience seemed to have come to an end. Unerringly, her hand found her way between Adriene’s thighs and Bela murmured her satisfaction at the wetness she found against Adriene’s lips. Nearly immediately, her fingers found their goal, causing the cadence of Adriene’s voice to change as she set a definite rhythm, continuously increasing the pressure on the hard nub between her folds.

Fenris seemed to be undecided where he wanted to keep his lips most — Adriene’s breasts or Isabela’s mouth. All the while, Isabela’s hand was busy between her legs, deftly working her sweet spot, rubbing and teasing until Adriene could only arch against them both with a wordless sound of lust, her fingers clawing at their shoulders as the heat in her core swirled tighter and tighter. Just then, Bela stopped, leaving her throbbing with a desperate need.

“Bela,” she moaned in protest, but the other woman just chuckled, exchanging a heated look with Fenris.

Adriene felt Fenris move down her body, grabbing her hips and pulling her up a bit as he brought his knees beneath him. Just when Isabela whispered against her ear, her breath hot on her skin, “We’re not done,” she felt him breach her entrance, and Adriene barely bit back a deep moan.

Isabela’s hand was on her face, angling her chin for a deep, languid kiss, her tongue slowly pushing into her mouth just as Fenris pushed into her. Adriene’s eyes fluttered shut, her breath caught in her throat as she felt him start to move, holding her hips perfectly still while Bela’s hands were on her breasts, sending spikes of white, searing desire to her center and making her quiver around his length. It was as if she no longer knew where her body ended and theirs began, and when Isabela moved above her, positioning herself over her mouth, she immediately pulled her closer, feeling Bela’s moan as her own as she started to lick her in the same rhythm that Fenris set.

Fenris didn’t know where he wanted to look first, his eyes clouded with lust — at Isabela’s face as she threw her head back in ecstasy, her lips swollen and red from their kisses, or at Adriene stretched out before him and the way she trembled beneath his touches even as she passed on every slow, deliberate thrust to Isabela with her tongue. Isabela grabbed his shoulder to have something to hold on to as Adriene pulled one hand up and added a finger or two to her ministrations. Bela’s loud gasp was mirrored in the groan torn from Fenris’ mouth and sent a hot tremble through Adriene’s body that made her twitch in his grasp. Sucking in a trembling breath, Fenris ground his teeth to keep himself from mindlessly thrusting into her and his grip on Adriene’s hips tightened, keeping her in place. For a moment, he paused in his movements, the muscles in his jaw working as he took a deep breath, his eyes glued on the two women before him who seemed nearly lost in themselves. He wanted to draw this out as long as possible, but with every passing moment, that became more and more difficult.

“Fenris…”

Isabela’s breathless, pleading voice made him nearly growl with need as she shifted forward, offering her mouth to him. “Kiss me,” she breathed, a tremor to her voice, and without thinking, he grabbed her by the neck, pulling her into a deep kiss, feeling her mewling outcry shatter against his tongue as she came.

Adriene was desperately grinding herself against Fenris as best she could, but his hands kept her from moving too much. As Isabela slipped off her, sinking into the pillows next to her, she was close to begging. He was moving inside her just fast enough to keep her riled up, but still so slow and with iron control. But she wanted more, needed more! She had been so concentrated on the other two that she hadn’t been able to chase her own release, but _Maker,_ she was so close. She was beyond forming words, her hands cramped into the sheets, but if she had thought that the desire running over her body could not get hotter, she was proven wrong as Bela picked herself up and moved behind Fenris.

The sight of the two of them watching her was nearly enough to send her over the edge. Immediately, Fenris slowed down again, and a desperate, frustrated groan wrenched itself from her throat, but neither Fenris nor Isabela seemed to notice. In a heated haze, Adriene started to touch herself, one hand on her own breast, the other wandering where her body met Fenris as she watched them kiss as if they had all the time in the world, Isabela’s curls tumbling over Fenris’ shoulder. Before she could find the center of her lust with her fingers though, Isabela clasped a hand around her wrist and pulled it aside.

“Please,” Adriene begged, her voice a husky whisper in the air. “Maker, please, let me…” she managed before her voice failed her in a broken moan.

Again, she tried to buck against Fenris, to meet his slow, languid thrusts, lost in the sensations that were never quite enough, and her movements were met with a deep, quivering groan from Fenris that told her he was close to losing control. And then, finally, she felt a hand running up her leg that was still wrapped around Fenris’ waist, chasing a heated shiver over her skin until Bela was touching her where she wanted her most.

Adriene threw her head back with an unrestrained moan as wild lust ran through her, rushing from her every limb to her core where Fenris finally let go of his tight control and took up a fast, hard speed with a barely restrained, sharp snaps of his hips, his voice a deep, throaty groan. Isabela’s finger was rubbing over her most sensitive spot just perfectly, and then the tightly curled tension finally shattered, her orgasm rushing in hot, exhilarating waves through her. Nearly at the same moment, she felt Fenris’ movements stutter and lose their rhythm, and then he came with a dark growl, spilling himself inside her with short, stuttering thrusts.

For a long moment, Adriene could do nothing but try to breathe, shudders still running through her. Her body felt completely useless, limp and hot, and utterly, beautifully happy.

“Oh wow,” she muttered as Fenris carefully slid out of her. “That was… something.”

Isabela huffed a laugh, her golden eyes never losing her tease. She still had her arms slung around Fenris from behind, now she tightened the intimate embrace for a second before she pressed a kiss onto his shoulder. Fenris had a blissful, somewhat disbelieving smile on his face as he turned his head and caressed Bela’s hair.

“It was ‘something’ indeed,” he smiled, then he pulled Isabela down with him as he stretched out next to Adriene who turned onto her side and snuggled into the curve of his arm. The warm, golden happiness was still tingling all through her body as she felt the length of him pressed against her, her hand resting in the curve of Isabela’s waist who was curled around him as well.

Bela grinned. “I’d say, winning your freedom and both of us definitely qualifies as ‘something’. I’d even go so far as to say it’s ‘something else’.” She pressed a kiss against Fenris’ jaw among the chuckles of the other two, then she lifted herself up on one elbow. “Freedom, huh. Any plans? Apart from hopefully making this here a permanent thing? Oh, talking about that, I do hope you know I cannot be tied down.” Ignoring Adriene’s soft admonishing “Bela…”, Isabela continued, “I’ll be gone every now and then, I’ll still sleep with other people, I still want my ship.” She shrugged. “Better to put it out here now before something gets ugly.”

Fenris carefully combed his fingers through her hair, waiting until she looked at him expectantly. “Alright,” he said with a smile. “I didn’t think you’d expect dinners and flowers every other night anyway.”

“Seas, no,” Bela scoffed. “And if you start to talk about me being your rock or some such nonsense, I’m gonna hit you.”

Fenris chuckled, while Adriene lovingly rolled her eyes.

“I’ve known you for years now, Isabela,” he then said quietly. “I knew what I was getting myself into. And I’m not trying to change you.” He turned his head so he could look at Adriene, brushing a kiss onto her lips. “And the same is true for you,” he added softly.

“Right back at you,” she whispered, kissing him back. “I love you.”

“And I love you,” he answered softly, looking as if he still couldn’t quite believe he was able to say those words openly. Adriene knew exactly how he felt, and her heart swelled at the open happiness she saw in his eyes.

The smile on Bela’s lips was brilliant and just like every time it was directed at her, Adriene felt herself getting a bit lightheaded. “Perfect,” Isabela purred and snuggled back into Fenris’ arm, pulling a blanket over them all. “This is perfect.”

And as far as Adriene was concerned, that was it exactly. Perfect.


	12. Poison That Weakens And Does Not Kill

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let the politics truly begin...

It was a clear, completely snow-less day for a change as Cassia sat in the office of the Knight-Commander, a by now very familiar room, and listened to what was basically her to-do list for the next week or so. Mostly, events the Knight-Commander wanted her to make an appearance at. What wasn’t there this time, though, was the customary list of topics she was supposed to take a stance on. A list that usually also held detailed descriptions of what that stance was supposed to entail and the way she was supposed to phrase her support. 

“Is something the matter?” Meredith asked with a raised eyebrow as Cassia gave her a confused look. 

“I was expecting more detailed instructions, as usual.” Cassia’s first thought had been that the Knight-Commander had perhaps simply forgotten, but the small smile on Meredith’s face spoke of something different.

“I don’t think you need those, my dear,” she said, sounding almost indulgent for a moment. “You’ve been doing much more than I initially expected of you, and you seem to know precisely what words are needed and when.”

Cassia inclined her head in a grateful nod. By now, she had almost perfected the skill of pushing all her unease and hesitation deep down into a place where they couldn’t reach her anymore whenever she was in the Knight-Commander’s vicinity. It was like she became a whole different person whenever she entered the Gallows or another noble’s get-together at night. A different Cassia. Still herself, with all her charms and her knowledge, but yet somehow a person that held an entirely different belief system. 

“I only speak what I know to be true and am convinced of, Knight-Commander,” she said without a hint of hesitation in her voice. Or anywhere else inside her. It was the only way the charade was somewhat manageable for Cassia. In the beginning, she had tried to simply lie through her teeth. Pretending that it didn’t matter that every moment was pure agony. In a way, she had convinced herself that as long as she felt horrible about every word that left her lips in service of the templars, she was still doing the right thing. Still herself, underneath it all. 

Until days had turned into weeks that had turned into months, and Cassia had started to realize that the guilt and the never-ending tension was slowly tearing her apart. That she needed another approach to it all.

She had always been a person that had found it surprisingly easy to trick herself into being of two minds about something at the same time. Whether it had been accepting her parents’ love and their teachings while hating her magic at the same time, or sitting in the Chantry, wholeheartedly believing while not even thinking about doing what the Chantry would demand of her and turn herself in. Holding two completely different mindsets about something and adjusting them to her surroundings wasn’t new to her. And it was the key that made the whole thing she was doing right now possible.

The Cassia that had spent half of last night in Anders’ clinic, practicing different kinds of healing spells, learning how to slowly mend broken bones and soothe broken minds was someone she couldn’t be when she came here. That person went home after a long day to her loving family. That person wanted nothing more than freedom for them all. That particular version of herself missed her sister like nothing else. Dreaded the Gallows and all they represented because she felt nothing but guilt over being there almost every day, seeing the suffering and not being able to help. Not yet. 

But it was someone she had to leave behind. Someone she couldn’t be here. The dread, the worry, and the repulsion at her own actions were something Cassia couldn't allow being present. She knew she would be unable to make it through a single week if she let those emotions come with her each day and wherever she went. She needed to become someone else in those moments.

The Cassia that reported to the Gallows this morning had little compassion for others. She couldn’t afford to. The most important thing in the life of this person was that she knew her place. She was demure and polite, listened to her superiors and never, ever disagreed with anything the Knight-Commander said. She revered the Chantry’s teachings, was devoted to the Maker and had no trouble saying the words Meredith put in her mouth. She voiced the Knight-Commander's every wish and demand like they were her own thoughts. And in a way, they were. They were concise and thought through, and if Cassia’s speeches held no passion, no actual conviction behind them, her words managed to obscure that fact well. 

It wasn’t who she wanted to be, but it was the only way she could get through her days without it tearing her apart. And she would not let this break her. Not after all they had gone through already. 

In front of her, Meredith was smiling. “Of course,” she said in agreement. “Which is why I have every confidence that you will do well on your own.” Her eyes held a satisfied look in them as she added, “It is just our luck that you are much more well-spoken than that sister of yours.”

Despite Cassia being inwardly calm, she couldn’t stop the small flinch at the mention of Adriene. A defensive voice inside her wanted to snarl at Meredith, pointing out that if Meredith truly thought Adriene was less intelligent than she, it was her own bias against the things her sister said that gave her that impression. The separation of her two mindsets was never as clear and as easy when Adriene was involved, Cassia knew, and so she didn’t say anything, just nodded again.

But her flinch had been noticed. “I apologize, I didn't mean to upset you,” Meredith said all of a sudden, surprising Cassia with how genuine she sounded. “I oppose your sister in every aspect and I know you are committed to our cause, but that does not mean the bonds of family don’t tug on our hearts ever so often, does it?”

With relief that the Knight-Commander had obviously interpreted her flinching differently, Cassia smiled at her.

“They do,” she said in agreement. “No matter how much we disagree, there is a part of me that will always feel for my sister. I hope you won’t hold that against me, for I assure you that while I might feel for her, I am certainly not about to let myself get swayed by her ever again.”

At her words, Meredith gave her a long look before she stood up, walking a bit until she came to stand in front of the large window that showed the courtyard below. When she spoke, her voice sounded different. Softer somehow.

“I understand more than you might think, Champion,” she said, looking outside. “We have more in common than you know.”

Cassia didn’t say anything. She wasn’t sure what to think about the sudden shift in the mood nor what to expect from Meredith right now. So she stayed quiet, just waiting expectantly for the Knight-Commander to continue. 

“My sister was a mage,” Meredith said all of a sudden, and Cassia couldn’t suppress a surprised gasp. “She was a kind, gentle soul,” the Knight-Commander went on, something wavering in her voice for a moment before she turned around again and looked at Cassia. “And completely unprepared for such a burden!” With a sigh, she shook her head. “My family hid her. We knew she could never last in the Circle or pass their rigorous tests…”

There was something in Meredith’s eyes Cassia had never seen before. A swell of emotions the Knight-Commander usually hid, but now it was clearly visible. 

“She was your family,” Cassia said softly. “Family sometimes makes us act against our beliefs.”

“Amelia was terrified and utterly grateful for our efforts. We thought we were doing the right thing. Just like your parents probably did. Your sister most likely still does,” Meredith said. Her eyes looked haunted as she continued, “And then… she was possessed by a demon.” She swallowed once before fixing Cassia with a look that was brimming with old hurt. “My sister killed our family, and I only barely escaped. Before the templars brought her down, she had slain seventy innocents.” Meredith took a deep breath. “So I understand perfectly well why the mages struggle. As well as why the laws we uphold are so vital.”

Suddenly so many things Cassia had only wondered about looked entirely different. Fell into place, into a picture that started to make sense. In the most horrifying way.

“So you’ve turned this into a crusade to make up for failing her?” she asked, carelessly, the words leaving her mouth before she could stop herself. But the Knight-Commander did not seem insulted at her words.

“I will not allow my sister’s death to be without purpose,” Meredith said, all brittleness gone from her voice, replaced with a stern assurance once more. “It will serve as a reminder of where good intentions can lead.” For a moment, her voice was soft again. “I have sympathy for mages, they suffer a terrible curse, but it is one that carries a price they must not deny. That _you_ must not deny,” she said, and Cassia knew it was directed specifically at her. The Knight-Commander genuinely felt sorry for her. Pitied her. 

“I understand,” Cassia got out with a scratchiness in her voice that made her clear her throat. None of this had been what she had expected. And yet the genuine emotions she had seen on Meredith’s face made it clear that none of it was a lie. These things most certainly had happened, and the Knight-Commander wholeheartedly believed and stood behind the conclusions she had drawn from them.

So far, Cassia had always assumed that what primarily drove the Knight-Commander had been a lust for power. The simple desire to be at the top and rule. It had been an easily understandable motivation. But this spoke of something else. Of a conviction that went far beyond personal gains. Meredith Stannard was convinced that she was at the very forefront of something akin to a holy war. A Maker-given objective that she had no choice but to fulfill. And it made her so much more dangerous for it.

Cassia knew that this was something she needed to tell Adriene. And Cullen. Everyone involved really. They needed to know to have a better picture of what they were up against. But for now, Cassia needed to keep playing her role.

“I guess I have been lucky in many aspects, to avoid such a terrible fate,” she said. Cassia didn’t even have to fake the sympathy in her voice. Not for something like this. Not when it had been barely half a year ago when she had thought she had lost Adriene for good. 

“You have,” Meredith agreed. “And we will help you stay on the path like the Maker wants us to.” With a sigh, she went and sat back down. “Now, back to doing our part, you have your tasks and I will have to talk to Orsino once more and tell him he is not getting his way.” Meredith shook her head before she looked at a piece of paper that held an elaborate and flourished penmanship. “Sending a Circle mage to some Maker-knows-where Chateau in the mountains, I think not!”

Cassia swallowed before focussing on the sudden change of topics. 

“Chateau?” she asked, remembering something she had spoken about with Varric not too long ago. “Is this perchance related to the hunt in Chateau Haine?”

At her question, Meredith looked up with an unhappy expression. “Indeed. As if I have time for some Orlesian backwater politics. How come you already know about this?”

Cassia knew very well just how little Meredith thought about politics. And how much she loathed having to do what was necessary to get the support of the nobles in Kirkwall already. To add some legitimacy to her grab for the Viscount’s seat. Meredith was smart enough to know that without it, the Grand Cleric who had so far refused to take a stance on the situation might be forced to intervene after all. 

“I received an invitation myself,” Cassia answered honestly. “My late mother had many friends and acquaintances that are going to attend the hunt.”

Meredith’s eyebrow rose as she gave her a skeptical look. “And you failed to mention this, why exactly?”

“I thought it was irrelevant, to be honest. It’s a long trip and I work for you now and am part of the Circle, I was simply going to decline politely,” Cassia explained. It was the truth. From the moment the letter had arrived, Cassia had been certain that she had no possible chance of attending. Not that she particularly wanted to put even more events with trying nobles onto her plate. 

Meredith looked calculating all of a sudden. “If you received an invitation that means your sister has as well, right?” 

“She has. And from what I heard, she is fully planning on attending and even competing in the hunt.”

“Is that so?” Meredith looked thoughtful. “She probably thinks there is something to gain there.”

Cassia nodded briefly. “There will be nobility from both Orlais and the Free Marches attending the event. It is a good opportunity for making friends in high places.” She knew Adriene would be annoyed at her for this, but Cassia saw a sudden chance to maybe get the Knight-Commander out of the city for a small while and she could only imagine how helpful this could be for several of Anders’ endeavors. “You should perhaps consider going yourself, Knight-Commander,” she suggested. “I know you hate these events, but it could be a prime opportunity to gather additional support for your cause.”

As if she had suggested something outrageous, Meredith looked at her with thinly veiled disgust in her eyes. “Certainly not,” she said sternly. “An opportunity it might be, but I cannot afford to leave the city on its own devices.” The calculating look was back in her eyes again as she looked at Cassia. “But you are right, the templars should send someone,” she said with a smile before adding, “And the Circle too, it might finally shut up Orsino for a few blessed moments.” 

At Cassia’s questioning look, Meredith’s smile widened. “You will go, with the Knight-Captain as templar escort, of course. Your union will perfectly represent both the Order and the Circle at the same time and make sure both leave the right impression with the right people!”

A knock at the door interrupted them before Cassia could answer.

“Enter!” Meredith called out, and Elsa, her assistant, came in.

“Forgive the intrusion, Knight-Commander, but First Enchanter Orsino and the other Champion are here to see you,” the Tranquil said in her calm, even voice.

“This should prove interesting,” Meredith murmured, leaning back in her seat before she gave her assistant a sharp nod. “Let them come in.”

Adriene kept her face carefully neutral as she passed Elsa behind Orsino to step into the Knight-Commander’s office. The bloodred sign of the bursting sun on Elsa’s forehead made a shiver run down her back, and she swallowed dryly. Every time she had come into the Gallows these last months, another Tranquil had crossed her path, but nobody was kept on bigger display than the Knight-Commander’s assistant.

“She’s using her as a very convenient puppet to display her power,” Orsino had once told her in an angry voice at one of the few direct meetings they had been able to have. “It is unsettling, a constant reminder of what she is capable of and has no qualms to do.”

Since Cassia’s official introduction to the Circle, Adriene had tried to build a more official connection to the First Enchanter, but it had proven difficult. At first, she had used Cassia as a reason to inquire about the treatment of mages that were part of the Circle. But since Cassia was not living within the Gallows, Orsino’s ability to provide any information was limited at best — a point the templars were quick to enforce to deny her access to the Gallows. But the few meetings had been enough to convince Orsino that he had a true ally in Adriene. Since his position brought him under close scrutiny from the templars, she had been reluctant to draw him into the Mage Underground, but even so, they had established a means to keep a regular correspondence outside the templars’ sight. And what she heard from him was chilling, to say the least.

Meredith hated Orsino. Despite her best efforts to unseat him, he was unwilling to relinquish his position as an advocate to the mages under his care — a position he had been able to assume only by going over Meredith’s head directly to the Grand Cleric. After the death of his predecessor seven years ago, Meredith had decided that the position of First Enchanter was no longer necessary since all mages were to obey the templars anyway before Orsino had managed to claim the position. Ever since then, he had fought tooth and nail to give the mages inside the Gallows a reason not to kill themselves. Not always with success.

Adriene was pulled out of her thoughts as the door closed behind her. Only now did she realize that Cassia was also here, sitting opposite the Knight-Commander. For a tiny moment, their eyes met before Cassia deliberately turned her head away to look back at Meredith, raising her chin slightly. Adriene pursed her lips in a show of barely concealed anger. It was a well-practiced, common gesture between them as soon as they were in public — Cassia’s deference to the templar’s power and Adriene’s anger at it.

“First Enchanter, Champion,” Meredith said in a cool voice in a way that could barely register as being friendly. “To what do I owe the honor?”

“Knight-Commander, Champion,” Orsino nodded as a greeting. “I trust you have received my note about the event in Chateau Haine and your refusal to authorize my journey there?” he came right to the point. 

“Indeed I have, First Enchanter,” Meredith said, a tiny smile in the corner of her lips that held a hint of amusement. Immediately, Adriene was on her guard. Something was up. “But I don’t understand how the Champion factors into this?” She raised her eyebrows as her cold eyes turned to Adriene.

Adriene gave her a fake smile. “I am here as a worried citizen, Knight-Commander, to voice my concerns that you now deny the mages of this Circle even the right to attend official events they have been invited to.”

Meredith scoffed. “Citizen, hardly,” she murmured.

It wiped the remains of Adriene’s smile right off her face. “Yes, _citizen,_ ” she said sharply. “I do hope you have not forgotten who saved _our_ city? Let me think, it was…” She trailed off, tapping a finger to her chin as she turned to Orsino. “First Enchanter, you were there, remind me — was it the templars? The city guard? Surely someone with a blade…”

“This is hardly appro—” Meredith said in a similarly sharp voice, annoyance and anger bleeding into her face, but Adriene didn’t let her finish.

“Oh no! Now I remember!” she called out with fake cheerfulness. “It wasn’t the templars at all!” Her voice turned hard. “It was me. Me and my sister, _citizens of Kirkwall_ , aptly titled ‘Champions’ lest you forget.” She narrowed her eyes at Meredith, deliberately not looking at Cassia as she took a step forward. “You may have leashed one of us against her will—”

 _“Not_ against my will!” Cassia interjected in a perfectly outraged voice, and Adriene’s eyes flickered towards her for a second.

“Even though she might not realize it,” Adriene hissed pointedly before she focused back on Meredith who watched the display with a weird mix of satisfaction and anger. “But you will not get me to hold my tongue. I am not the only one with family in the Circle, and the people of Kirkwall are worried about their mage relatives.”

“Are they now?” Meredith said smugly, raising an eyebrow. “Then how come nobody else complains?”

“Oh, but they are complaining. Through me!” Adriene shot back before she reined in her anger with a deep breath. “Which is why I am here on their behalf.”

For a moment, a tense silence fell, then Meredith stood up with a slow, menacing movement. “Is that so?” she asked as she stood eye to eye with Adriene. She was a tall woman and used to intimidating others, but Adriene refused to back down, holding her gaze firmly.

“Yes,” she confirmed with a hint of a sneer.

A slow smile spread over Meredith’s face. “Well then, _Champion,_ you will be happy to convey the message to these supposed complainers that they have no reason to be worried.” She looked at Cassia, giving her a nod. “Indeed, we have just spoken about this official event, and are in perfect agreement that it is imperative that the Order and the Circle have an appropriate representative. Isn’t that right, Champion?”

“Absolutely,” Cassia agreed with a polite smile on her face. “And you have made a most gracious decision.”

She could see in Orsino’s narrowed eyes that he was skeptical. And with good reason. In the past few months, Cassia had seen Meredith blatantly ignore almost every issue he had brought to her pertaining to the Circle. Most of them without giving them more attention than a passing glance. He had every reason to be on his guard at her sudden accommodation. So had Adriene. 

Cassia watched both of them passively, not letting anything but her dedication to her work take hold in her and potentially show on her face as Meredith decided to ignore Adriene for the moment and looked directly at Orsino.

“They want a mage representing the Circle, so we’ll send one,” she said, sounding overly agreeable. “And who better to fulfill this task than our very own Champion, our symbol of cooperation and trust?”

Cassia could see on his face that this was not at all what Orsino had wanted, and she couldn’t fault him for his misgivings. He didn’t know her after all. Had no idea what her motivations behind working so closely with Meredith had been. She might be a fellow mage, but Cassia was all but certain that in his eyes, she was no better than any of the templars surrounding them.

“Knight-Commander,” Orsino started, but Meredith blatantly interrupted him.

“First Enchanter, you wanted a mage sent, and I am granting your request. But as head of the templars, it falls under my jurisdiction to choose the delegate and I have chosen,” she said sternly. “She will go and officially represent the Circle, and I am sending the Knight-Captain with her to keep her safe.”

With a scoff, Orsino's eyes narrowed. “Safe? You’re sending her jailor with her,” he said, dropping the last bit of calm pretense. “It is shameful what you let your men get away with, and in public no less, rubbing it under people’s noses even.” There was cold anger in his voice as he looked at Meredith. “One day, someone in the Chantry, someone who is not willing to let this stand, will hear about this and put an end to this blatant abuse of power.”

At the sudden hint of pity in his eyes as he glanced at her, Cassia realized that she might have misjudged his earlier expression. This sounded much more like he felt genuinely bad for her. And like he had obviously heard and believed some of the more vile rumors going around. Perhaps she should talk to Adriene about giving Orsino at least some more information. Not simply because she was uncomfortable with someone who barely even knew her obviously feeling bad for her, but also because they couldn't afford someone to actually take a closer look at her and Cullen. Especially not with a well-meant attempt to somehow ‘save her’.

“Is that so?” Meredith said in that moment before shaking her head. “You forget yourself, First Enchanter. But by all means, let's ask her, shall we?” With that, she turned to Cassia. “Do you have any complaints about how we treat you, my dear?” she asked in an overly friendly voice, and Cassia simply shook her head.

“Not in the least,” Cassia said, not looking at Orsino or Adriene but focusing on Meredith instead. “I am grateful to both you and the Knight-Captain for everything you’ve done for me.” She knew that calling him by his title instead of his name, she only encouraged the misconceptions and the unease the First Enchanter probably felt about her situation, but this was for the Knight-Commander’s sake after all.

“Of course she will say whatever you want to hear,” Orsino murmured, still looking angry. “Saying anything else would forfeit her life.”

“That is your perception, First Enchanter,” Meredith said coolly. “But may I remind you that all you bring before me is your projection? The Champion is content with her role, and without accusations coming from her, there will be no need to investigate or put a stop to anything.” Resolutely, she narrowed her eyes. “Now, I believe this subject is done and decided. Was there anything else?”

Adriene saw Orsino ball his fist, but after a tense second, he straightened and shook his head. “No.”

“Very well then, I—” Meredith started, but Orsino rudely interrupted her as he turned to Cassia.

“Let me just reiterate that whenever you need to talk about anything, Champion,” he said, his voice much more kind once Cassia met his eyes, “anything at all, please know that I will listen.”

The Knight-Commanders scoffed. “Please,” she sneered.

Orsino shot her a look. “You can interfere in the matters that concern the events outside the Gallows, Knight-Commander,” he hissed, “but Cassia Rutherford is a Circle mage, and I hope I don’t have to remind you that it falls under _my_ jurisdiction to advocate for her rights and serve as an intermediary for matters between mages and templars. Even if they’re married.”

Suddenly, Meredith moved, coming out from behind her desk to advance on Orsino, and Adriene sucked in a sharp breath as she saw the raw fury on her face. Adriene’s hand twitched to her weapons, but Orsino didn’t move an inch, and she forced her fingers to relax again. The whole situation had become more and more volatile in the last months, and they all knew that even the tiniest misstep could escalate the whole thing within a moment. Involuntarily, she looked to Cassia who had gotten up as well, taking a step to the side, and for a moment, their eyes met. Adriene saw the same worry reflected in her sister’s gaze before she quickly averted her eyes again.

“Do not test me, Orsino,” Meredith said in a dangerously low voice. “You hold this position because I allow it.”

The First Enchanter only raised his chin as he met her gaze without flinching. “Be my guest, _Meredith,_ unseat me,” he shot back. “You are already dangerously pushing the limits of your power by not only letting this unsavory marriage between mage and templar continue but parading it in front of the Chantry. Do you really think they will watch indefinitely once you start to destroy the hierarchy given by them?”

Meredith’s eyes darkened, and Adriene saw with growing horror that she was reaching for her weapon. But before she could draw her blade, Cassia stepped forward.

“Thank you, First Enchanter,” she said in an extremely polite and friendly voice that was close to soothing. “I do appreciate your offer. But I assure you, there is nothing to talk about.”

For another second, nobody moved, then Meredith took her hand off the hilt of her sword as she straightened, the cold smile back on her lips. Adriene let out a silent breath, relaxing infinitesimally. 

“You heard her, First Enchanter. There is nothing to talk about,” Meredith said, turning around with a sharp movement to walk back behind her desk. “That will be all.”

Without bothering with a goodbye, Orsino turned around abruptly, meeting Adriene’s eyes only for a second before he walked towards the door where he waited for her. Adriene looked at Cassia.

“Are you coming, Cassia?” she asked in a strained voice that was just short of sounding like a barely-veiled order. Inwardly, she flinched at how harsh she sounded. Maker, how she hated this.

Cassia shook her head, avoiding her eyes. “No, I will go to my husband to tell him of our plans. Do not wait for me.”

Adriene shot Meredith a glance who was back to looking pleased at Cassia’s demure bearing. “Very well,” she muttered, then a bit louder, “Thank you for your time, Knight-Commander.”

With that, she turned to follow Orsino out of the room. 

As Orsino and Adriene left, Cassia felt a bit of the tension fall off of her. For a brief moment, she had been terrified of what might happen, uncertain if her assurance would even do anything to calm the Knight-Commander back down or if it would be utterly useless. 

And it hadn’t been just her. From what she had seen in Adriene’s eyes, her sister had been just as tense. It seemed like the situation that had already been bleak at the start was getting worse by the week, and Cassia wasn’t sure for how much longer they could keep all this up when every day seemed to bring a new challenge.

Meredith’s face still held a pleased smile as the Knight-Commander talked to her again. “Don’t let me keep you, my dear,” she said with a generous nod, “run along and tell the Knight-Captain to prepare your travel plans. And don’t forget about my invitation at the end of the week.” 

“Of course not,” Cassia assured her immediately. “I will see you then.”

Another political function, another step towards more power for the Knight-Commander. Another evening Cassia would have to leave her other, more caring self at home while pretending that she could imagine nothing better than a city ruled by Meredith and Meredith alone. This time in the grand hall of the Viscount’s Keep of all places.

With a polite curtsy that the Knight-Commander seemed incredibly fond of, Cassia excused herself and went to find Cullen. They had a trip to plan. A trip that, now that Cassia could think about it more freely, didn’t sound all that unpleasant. From what she knew about Chateau Haine and its location, it would give them several weeks away from Kirkwall. Away from the Templar Order and with no one to constantly watch her and Cullen’s every move. Furthermore, no one would be watching her every interaction with Adriene if they got lucky and Meredith didn’t decide to send some more templars as backup. If they played this right, it could be the much-needed reprieve they were all hoping for. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Come talk to us on [Tumblr](https://intoourmultiverse.tumblr.com)


	13. These Lies Betray Our Thoughts

Adriene let out a deep breath as soon as the door closed behind them and they were a few steps away from Meredith’s office. Orsino seemed still agitated, though.

“I am sorry, Adriene,” he said tensely. “I’m going to try to get someone else to accompany her.”

They passed another room, and through the open door, Adriene could see Elsa quietly working at her desk. Orsino saw it as well and a grim satisfaction came into his eyes. They both knew that Elsa had been ordered by Meredith to report any talk that she overheard to her, so knowing that the Tranquil was occupied provided as much privacy as the walk back to the mage quarters could with templars standing watch at every other corner. 

“This is really not necessary, Orsino,” Adriene assured him quietly as they walked down the hall. In fact, the part about Cassia and Cullen going to Chateau Haine had been the one good thing to come out of the talk with Meredith. It had definitely not been what she had planned for when Orsino had asked her to accompany him to Meredith, but knowing that her sister would be out of the Gallow’s clutches for a few weeks was music to her ears.

Orsino barely seemed to listen to her, however. As soon as they were in a hallway that had no templars, he opened a door that led into what looked like a broom closet. Taking Adriene by the arm, he brought her inside the small room, closing the door behind them. “I disagree. I failed to protect her when Ser Oswald interfered with her Harrowing, but I will not watch while she is used as a pawn outside of Kirkwall as well.”

“Orsino, please,” Adriene tried to interrupt him, but the First Enchanter had obviously started to talk himself into a rage. 

“It is bad enough what happens within these walls between mages and templars. Knowing that one of ours is forced to live with someone like the Knight-Captain? It is unbearable.” He made a sharp gesture. “Especially since everybody knows what he does to her!”

Adriene blinked. What did he mean? They had made sure that Cassia seemed not like a victim but devoted to both Cullen and the Chantry belief, after all. Before she could ask, however, Orsino continued.

“With her appointments with me to make sure her magic has adequate levels of proficiency, I can at least make sure she is physically unharmed,” he said, walking up and down as he shook his head agitatedly. “But once she is outside the city, who will even try to look after her?”

“I will,” Adriene hurried to say before he could continue his speech. She hadn’t originally planned to attend the event, but now with Cassia and Cullen going, everything else was out of the question. She could neither pretend not to care what was happening with her sister nor let the opportunity to provide a counterweight go to waste — at least in the public eye. Inwardly, she was liking the idea to be out of everyone’s sight with her family more and more. Plus, she could hopefully soothe Orsino’s worries by assuring him to go. She took a step towards him and laid a hand on his arm. “Orsino, I’ll be there as well, I have an invitation too.”

He had stopped pacing, but now he looked at her with something like pity. “Adriene, I know you’re still trying to protect her, but with all due respect, you’re still an outsider. What can you do? If I send another mage with them, I can insist on them sharing a room. That will provide some relief, but—”

“What? No!” Adriene exclaimed before she could stop herself, stopping him short. The thought alone that someone might interfere with what could be something akin to a honeymoon for Cassia and Cullen put her on edge, but knowing that Orsino might put himself in danger by pressing a point he couldn’t know was useless made the whole issue even more precarious.

Orsino drew his eyebrows together as he looked at her in consternation.

Adriene let out a sigh, rubbing a hand over her forehead. How could she put him at ease without giving too much away? “Orsino,” she started again, “let me—”

He interrupted her with a sharp gesture. “Shh!” he hushed her, looking towards the door, obviously listening up something his elf ears picked up much sooner than hers. “Templars.”

A second later, Adriene heard the heavy footsteps that came down the hall outside as well, accompanied by loud voices.

“You know what ails me the most?” a man said, annoyance in his voice.

“What?” another one asked. They seemed to pass, but suddenly, the steps halted. They had stopped close to the door.

“That mage.” The templar drawled the word out, followed by a spitting sound. “You know the one. I don't care if they call her Champion, and I don't care if Meredith holds tea parties with her or whatever. And while we're at it…” The templar lowered his voice, but they were close enough that the words carried inside the room. “If you ask me, the Knight-Commander should’ve just finished what that ox-man started. Kill the one, make the other tranquil, that would’ve gotten rid of both of them at the same time! Troublemakers, that’s all they are. Without them, the Knight-Commander could rule this city like she’s supposed to. Without mages running around free.”

Adriene gritted her teeth, and from the looks of it, Orsino was just as furious. His eyes darkened as he kept looking at the door.

The other one grunted something in agreement, but the first one wasn’t done. “I never thought the Knight-Captain the type, you know. Fraternizing with mages.”

A low chuckle answered him. “Ah, I don’t know, some are pretty enough. His pet definitely is, also quite tasty if I remember correctly. Didn’t he drain her all the time? And mages are supposed to serve us, aren’t they? Can’t think of a better way than with their magic or their cunts.”

For a second, Adriene was sure she’d throw up, so strong was the sickness shooting straight into her stomach at the words. Orsino paled with fury, but before he could storm outside, Adriene held his arm, desperately shaking her head. If they knew they had overheard them, there would be a fight, she was sure of it. They couldn’t afford that, not here, not now.

The templars outside weren’t done yet.

“Definitely not,” the first one said, disgust ringing in his voice. “They’re not much more than those demons we protect them from. I wouldn't let a mage touch me. I'd feel dirty, and not the good kind.”

“I don’t know,” the second man said thoughtfully. “Fucking him worked well for her, in any case. Served to keep her from Tranquility at least. You think she did that with the Knight-Commander as well?”

“You mean like with that tranquil assistant of hers? I thought that was just rumors.”

“Who knows.” A clank of armor, then the second templar continued with a leer in his voice, “I mean, it is nice to have someone do your every bidding, come running whenever you call for her. I just saw him drag her inside his office, pretty sure she’s on her knees at this very moment.”

“Oh, shut up, that’s disgusting,” the first scoffed. “Come on, let’s go, we’re going to be late for duty.”

The steps continued, and a few moments later, it was quiet outside again.

Adriene swallowed hard around the lump in her throat. So that was what Orsino had meant when he had said that ‘everyone knew’ what Cullen was doing to Cassia. No wonder he was so protective of her.

“I’m going to stop this.”

His angry words made her snap back to attention, but before Adriene could properly react, Orsino was already out of the door and storming towards Cullen’s office.

* * *

Cassia had only been with Cullen for a few minutes, but the brief time away from the Knight-Commander and behind a closed door where no one was watching her every move had already been enough to let go of the uneasy feeling she had held on to all day. After it had almost come to blows between Meredith and Orsino earlier, the tension running through Cassia had made her feel so rigid she might snap at any moment. 

When she had left Meredith’s office, she had put her best efforts into avoiding Ser Oswald who seemed to be around almost every corner these days. This time, he had been in deep conversation with a group of several other templars, and Cassia had managed to get out of sight before he could notice her. Despite it taking a bit more time, she had decided on another way to Cullen’s office to avoid having to pass him by. While he had already demonstrated a cruel streak to her in private, it was nothing compared to how demeaning he could get when he had an appreciative audience, Cassia knew only too well by now. And today was definitely not one of the days where she would have an easy time ignoring his words.

The moment she reached Cullen’s office, she felt nothing but relief. When the door opened, Cullen had taken one look at her exhausted face and wordlessly pulled her inside and into his arms where she remained, almost unmoving, until everything outside his office slowly started to drift further away.

“One of those days?” Cullen asked quietly after a few moments, and Cassia nodded against him.

“Definitely one of those days,” she said, sounding as tired of it as she felt. “And it’s not even noon yet…”

With a gentle hold on her arm, Cullen led her along, taking off her winter cloak and hanging it up before drawing her closer again. Those precious moments where it was just the two of them were rare lately. There never seemed to be enough time. Too much work, too many responsibilities, and too little privacy made sure of that. 

“I know you have work and I need to get home to Maia soon, but just…” Cassia started softly before she looked up at his face. “Just hold me for a few moments?” Her quiet plea did not go unanswered. 

“Of course,” Cullen murmured, guiding her a few more steps before sitting down on his chair and gently pulling her onto his lap. His arms closed around her, a warm hand in her hair as his fingers ran through strands of it in soothing motions, and she let her head rest on his shoulders. Cassia’s eyes fell shut for a moment as she breathed in deeply. There was a faint smell of lyrium around Cullen, mixed with the smoke from the fireplace and the open pot of ink on his table, and Cassia sighed contentedly at the familiarity of it all. If the Gallows, the whole outside world even, was a never-ending storm, she found herself in the quiet center of it, safe and unharmed the moment she was in his arms. 

“Thank you,” she murmured quietly before shifting enough so she could kiss him softly. 

Cullen mumbled something against her lips that sounded like he was trying to say something reassuring, but Cassia pulled him closer, swallowing the sounds he made as she deepened the kiss.

All of a sudden, she flinched as a loud, nearly aggressive knock on the door sounded through his office, followed by an equally loud voice, “A word, Knight-Captain!”

Before either of them could react, the door flew open, and Orsino nearly stormed into the room, hard lines on his face and his eyes blazing with anger. Cassia only managed to look on in shock as a second later, Adriene hurried into the office behind him and carefully closed the door behind her, turning the key in the lock for good measure.

Orsino stopped in his tracks as he saw the intimate picture that Cassia and Cullen provided, but it didn’t stop him for long. “I will no longer—” he started in a heated voice, but Adriene was next to him before he could continue, grabbing him by the arm.

“Stop it, Orsino!” she snapped. “It’s not what you think!”

Eyebrows drawn together in confusion and anger, Orsino looked from Adriene to Cullen who now stood, carefully helping Cassia get up from his lap.

“What’s the meaning of this?” Cullen asked in a stern voice, and Adriene let out a sigh.

“He thinks you’re abusing her,” she explained in a low voice. “Like, right now.”

“What?” Cassia managed, sounding shocked.

Orsino bristled. “Thinks?! The evidence—”

“Has been planted, now _please_ keep your voice down!” Adriene interrupted him sharply, tightening her fingers on his arm.

Orsino’s eyes widened and he closed his mouth with an audible click of his teeth. “What?!” he hissed.

Adriene looked at Cassia and Cullen in exasperation. “He needs to know or he’ll get himself killed.”

“Wait,” Cassia said, trying to make sense of it all. She was standing on her own again, but she still held on to Cullen as she stared at the First Enchanter. “You came in here to do what exactly, rescue me?” As she put together what was in front of her with what Adriene had just said, it started to make sense and her eyes widened at the thought that Orsino looked like he had been fully prepared to take Cullen on just now. And what that would have meant for him if his suspicions had been correct.

Adriene was absolutely right, if they kept him in the dark, he would get himself killed. Or worse.

“Shit,” Cassis murmured, pressing her eyes closed for a second as she tried to figure out what to say.

“Can someone explain what in the Blight is going on here,” Orsino demanded in a much more quiet but not the least bit less intense tone. His eyes went from Cassia to Adriene. “You say things have been planted?” he said with a skeptical look. “But there are things you can plant, and then there are the things I can see with my own two eyes.” His tone was hard as steel somehow, despite him making an effort to keep his voice down. “I know what it looks like when a mage is drained of all magic. And I have seen the phylactery he had made out of her blood.” His eyes narrowed as he looked at Cullen again. “Are you going to try and tell me those things did not happen?”

“No, they definitely happened,” Cullen said plainly, and Cassia noticed how Orsino tensed even more at his words.

“It’s a ruse,” she hurried along to say, trying to explain it the easiest way she could. “All of it.” With an uneasy feeling, she thought about the phylactery. “Well, most of it at least,” she amended. “Some things were necessary, but I promise you, I am not being mistreated. Least of all by Cullen!”

Orsino’s eyes darkened, but before he could say anything, Cullen interjected with a soothing gesture, “Please, First Enchanter, hear us out, and please, let’s keep this quiet. You know how well sound carries within these walls.” He made an inviting gesture to the chairs in front of his desk.

“Adriene?” Orsino said without letting Cullen out of his gaze, an unspoken question in her name.

Adriene gave him a tiny smile and nodded. “I promise he’s on our side, Orsino. Do you really think I’d let someone live who regularly abuses my sister?”

“That would mean your death, too,” the First Enchanter said with a frown.

Adriene shrugged. “A small price to pay.” She caught Cassia’s uncomfortable look and quickly amended, “He’s not, though, so this is a moot point.”

Orsino took a deep breath, then he walked somewhat stiffly to the chairs and sat down. Adriene followed suit.

“You’re on a first name basis?” Cullen asked curiously as they all settled down again.

Adriene nodded. “For months already. Who do you think gave him that Antivan wine your men confiscated in his office?”

“Not my men,” Cullen murmured.

“Can we get to the point, please?” Orsino interjected a bit sharply. “You said this was a ruse, a ruse for what exactly?”

Adriene exchanged a look with Cassia and Cullen, and after a moment, Cassia sighed. “To keep me alive and sane of course,” she said softly. “The whole thing was planned down to the last detail, hence the phylactery and everything. The evidence against the Mage Underground, the animosity with Adriene, Cullen’s leash on me… all fake.” Orsino’s eyes widened as he looked from Adriene to Cullen who only nodded in agreement. Cassia continued, “But I had to convince Meredith that I was devoted to the Chantry and the Order or otherwise she would not have hesitated to make me tranquil. You know that.”

A grim expression was on Orsino’s face, but he nodded reluctantly. “But your magic was discovered by accident, I was there,” he argued after a moment. “You cannot tell me you planned that as well.”

“Not quite,” Adriene said quietly, barely keeping herself from rubbing over the scar on her stomach. “The Qunari and all of that took us by surprise, too. But without it, Cassia would have revealed herself to Meredith the next morning.”

“But why?”

It was Cullen who answered in a dark voice. “Because of Knight-Lieutenant Oswald,” he said. “He discovered Cassia’s magic and tried to blackmail her. If it had worked, he would have gotten my post and Cassia would be in the Circle at his mercy. We had to go on the offensive.”

“In parts, that backfired, though,” Adriene said, equally grim. “We just overheard two templars talking, and from what I gathered there and from Orsino’s reaction to it, the common misconception is that you’re not at all devoted to it all, Cassia.” She shook her head. “They basically think that Cullen is another Alrik and that you’re his victim, only sleeping with him and potentially Meredith to keep the freedom you have.”

“They think I slept with the Knight-Commander?” Cassia asked incredulously. With a shake of her head, she added more quietly, “That’s a new one.”

“Wait, you knew about the other ones?” Adriene gave her a surprised look, but Cassia only nodded grimly. 

“I’ve heard a wide variety,” Cassia said darkly. “Most of them from Ser Oswald trying to taunt me, so I’m never quite sure how much he embellishes. But as long as Meredith believes my story, I figured it shouldn’t matter to me what they might say in the barracks.” She took a deep breath. “And besides, they are not more vile than the things our noble friends say about me at those gatherings.”

Adriene had a stricken look on her face, making Cassia realize that even though people everywhere in Kirkwall just loved to gossip about her, they probably took great care to hold their tongue in front of Adriene. She could only imagine that most people would be too afraid of retaliation if they said anything in earshot of her sister, despite their ongoing charade.

“Sleeping with Meredith is definitely a new low though,” Cassia added, still full of disbelief about that one.

“It’s not that much of a stretch to make that assumption if one believes all the other rumors already,” Orsino said reluctantly. He still looked unsure. Hesitant about what to think of all this.

“First Enchanter,” Cassia said slowly, “I know this must all sound like a lot, downright ridiculous even, but behind it all is actually a rather simple story.” Orsino gave her a hesitant look, but he nodded briefly, motioning to her to continue. Cassia looked at Cullen for a moment, a small smile on her face. “When Cullen and I first met, years ago, I didn’t know he was the Knight-Captain,” she explained. “And he, in turn, did not know about my magic. And we just… fell in love. Everything else, all the complicated things, they came later.”

“A simple story you say,” Orsino muttered with a shake of his head.

“It is at its core,” Cassia insisted. “Though I can not blame you for assuming the worst. Nor am I really all that surprised by this talk going around. It is what it is right now, but I can’t lie and say that it is not a horrible feeling to know what people think about us,” she said softly before her eyes found Cullen’s and she reached out to take his hand. “About you,” she added, not quite managing to banish the sadness from her voice.

“I guess we should have seen that coming,” Adriene murmured. When suddenly all eyes were on her, she shrugged. “Most of these templars have been working under Ser Alrik for years, long before you even got here,” she explained with a look at Cullen. “It’s what they know. So why wouldn’t they assume that things stay the same, no matter who is behind it?”

“But they are not the same,” Orsino said, equally as quiet. But something on his face looked like he suddenly had found a piece of a puzzle. Questioningly, he looked first at Cullen and Cassia, then to Adriene. “Ever since Ser Alrik’s disappearance, things have been, well, not good but also not as bad as they had been before,” he said carefully. “Dare I hope that the mysterious and accidental disappearance of that particular group of templars was not quite as accidental or mysterious as it seemed?”

Cassia and Adriene shot each other a look. They had agreed that Orsino needed to know some things, but just how many had been a rather vague idea. Adriene raised her brow, not saying anything yet, leaving the choice up to her sister and Cullen, who were in a much more delicate position after all. 

“There might have been an accident,” Cassia said after Cullen had given her a quick nod. Her face looked carefully neutral, but it was enough to make Orsino gasp slightly.

“A very unfortunate accident, indeed,” Adriene added. She had left the decision whether to say anything to Cassia, but she would not let them shoulder the responsibility alone. “He ran into a knife. Several times, actually,” she said, sounding casual. “The uneven roads in the lower city by dark, you know how badly maintained those are. Happens all the time.”

For a brief moment, the First Enchanter didn’t say anything. He just looked from Cassia and Cullen to Adriene and back again as he wrapped his mind around what had just been said. Then, for the first time since he had entered Cullen’s office, his shoulders relaxed a little as he shook his head with a snort. “The maintenance of the lower city is atrocious, indeed,” he said. “Unfortunate that Ser Oswald missed that little excursion.” 

Cassia felt Cullen tense next to her, and when she looked up at him, she saw his jaw tense. Hard lines were on his face as he muttered, “Believe me, I am working on it.”

“You know, there _is_ a dragon in my mine,” Adriene said casually. “Probably. Well. Dragonlings. Probably.”

Cullen shook his head and pinched the bridge of his nose with his fingers. “Adriene, we talked about that already, there is no reason why I should send templars there. That’s not within our line of duty.”

“Pfft,” Adriene made, rolling her eyes. “We could find a reason.”

A disbelieving, low chuckle made her look back to Orsino whose eyes wandered between the three of them. “You… actually aren’t enemies, are you?”

Adriene looked at her sister and brother-in-law and smiled softly. “No. We’re family.”

Orsino shook his head. “That’s quite the act you’re all putting on,” he murmured.

Adriene shrugged and exchanged a look with Cassia. “Well, when you’re hiding half a family of apostates, you’re developing certain skills,” she said with a half-smile that held little joy.

The First Enchanter made a non-committal sound as he leaned back, laying his fingertips together with a thoughtful look. “Knight-Captain,” he then said as he fixed Cullen with his sharp look. “I am willing to accept that you’re not actually the person I believed you to be. That you’re trying to protect your wife from the worse parts of the Gallows. However, I hope you’re aware that this cannot last indefinitely.”

“Very much so,” Cullen said, with a still grim expression. “If I am honest I had hoped to find a solution for this and end this charade much sooner, but as it turns out, certain things are rather difficult to achieve.”

“So you are working towards something?” Orsino looked at him expectantly. “This is not just an indefinite ruse you are putting on for however long it may last?”

“It’s not,” Cassia shook her head. “There is a goal, but with you being under so much pressure and scrutiny, and also in a position where you can’t just freely do whatever you want, we thought it best to not overly involve you,” she explained further. With an aside gesture of her hand, she added, “You know, plausible deniability and all.”

“Hm,” Orsino hummed. His face was still serious and thoughtful. “I understand your hesitation,” he said after a little pause. “However, I think you still don’t quite understand my position.”

“Which is?” Cullen asked, drawing his eyebrows together.

The First Enchanter leaned forward, putting his elbows on his knees as he looked at Cullen. “Knight-Captain, do you know how many suicides we have in this Circle each year?” he asked bluntly.

Cullen sucked in a sharp breath, then nodded. “I do,” he said quietly.

“Take that number and triple it, then you have the number we dealt with before I became First Enchanter. And that is not counting the mages dying of… other causes or that were made tranquil,” Orsino said. His voice was low but agitated. “The year before my predecessor died, we lost thirty mages to suicide. Thirty. Of close to five-hundred harrowed mages. Last year, we still had seven.” He made a sharp gesture. “That is seven people I failed. Seven people I could not protect, that I could not convince that there is a chance of a life worth living.”

“Orsino, it’s not your—” Adriene started softly, but he interrupted her immediately.

“Oh, but it is my fault. Because that is the position I find myself in, _that_ is my duty. Protecting the mages of this Circle.” Orsino’s eyes fixed on Cassia. “That includes you, Champion. Even from your husband if necessary.” Looking back to Cullen, he said, “But I cannot do that if I don’t know who I can trust.”

Agitatedly, he stood up and started to pace up and down the room. “The Knight-Commander barely adheres to even the most basic of rules. And the curfews make it already so much more difficult to keep up the protection I try to provide. I already know the numbers this year will be worse again.” He stopped, turning back to Cullen. “So I’m begging you, give me something to work with. Something to work _towards._ ”

There was a heavy silence all over the office as the bitter reality Osino just described sunk in. Cassia could see on everyone’s faces that, while they had been aware of many things, none of them had quite understood this particular reality before. Not to this extent at least. Her eyes locked with Adriene’s and she could see in her sister the same bitter sense of helplessness she felt roaring through herself. Next to her, Cullen had stood up, a firm resolution on his face.

“I don’t know if what I can tell you will be of any help,” he said as he went to the cabinet that held his lyrium supply and proceeded to take the bottles out until he could reach a secret compartment behind them. Out of it, he pulled a rather impressively filled folder full of papers. At Adriene’s and Orsino’s questioning look, he only shrugged. 

“I need to have some way of having at least some of my paperwork available here and not just at home,” he explained plainly. “And keeping something hidden in my desk or the bookshelves would be way too obvious.” Without further preamble, he handed the entire folder over to Orsino.

“I made some mistakes at the beginning,” Cullen added quietly as Orsino started to look through the folder. “Poked at the wrong places, questioned the wrong people, and I quickly found that I needed help. That is when I brought some of this to Adriene and the rest developed from there.”

Orsino’s eyes hurried over the pages and slowly, his skeptical expression turned into something else. Outright shock was all over his features as he started to make sense of it all. “You are trying to…” he murmured quietly, shaking his head in disbelief. “You are insane! All of you!” But despite the strong words, there was something in his voice that betrayed his feelings. A small sliver of hope. Overwhelmed, Orsino flipped through the pages of reports, letters to other officials asking for support and many more little bits and pieces that painted a clear picture for him. “I don’t even know where to start with this,” he murmured quietly.

“Take your time,” Cullen said softly as he sat back down. “None of this can leave this office, naturally, but for the time being, I doubt anyone knows you are here, so…” 

As if his words had been spoken to tempt fate a knock made all four of them tense suddenly.

“Knight-Captain, I have the duty rosters for you,” came a voice Cassia didn’t recognize from outside. Probably some recruit that had pulled the short straw and was on delivery duty. The locked door shook slightly as whoever was outside tried to enter. 

“Bring them to me later, I am not to be disturbed right now,” Cullen called back sternly.

Briefly, Cassia took in the state around them. Orsino and Adriene being here in an attempt to argue their cases in front of Cullen instead of Meredith could easily be explained, but why they did so behind locked doors would be noticeably more difficult. Not to mention the open cabinet and the treacherous papers that were in plain view. Adriene had gotten just as tense as Cassia felt, her eyes flickering all over the room as she probably made the same observations. Sending whoever was out there away seemed the best solution. But as it turned out that was easier thought than done.

“I’m sorry, Ser,” came the voice again, “But the Knight-Commander insisted you get these as soon as possible. Something about having to accommodate for a trip being planned.” It sounded slightly shaky, and Cassia was certain that the recruit outside was probably straight up afraid to not fulfill his job to the letter.

Cullen let out a small sigh, looking around briefly, obviously trying to come up with a quick solution as Cassia suddenly had an idea. Calmly, she put her hand on his arm before standing up. 

“I’ll take care of this,” she mouthed quietly, motioning to everyone else to keep silent as she went around his desk. On her way towards the door, she briefly pulled some of her hair unruly into her face before she opened the top buttons on her dress and pulled one of her sleeves off her shoulder. A brief pinch to her cheeks was the last thing she did before unlocking the door. She opened it only the smallest bit, making sure to cover anything behind her with her own body as she shot the recruit a look that made him immediately look uncomfortable.

“The Knight-Captain is busy,” she said, sounding like she was out of breath as she held out her hand. “Hand them over, he’ll look through them when he is done.” 

With an embarrassed noise and a curt nod, he handed her the papers, and Cassia lost no time, immediately shutting the door again and turning the lock. A moment later she could hear footsteps hurrying away. With a sigh, she turned around, looking at three slightly shocked faces.

“They are all thinking that’s what's going on in here anyway,” Cassia said with a shrug. “Might as well use that to our advantage.”

“I’ve said it before, but Blight, I hate this whole thing so much,” Adriene murmured, rubbing a hand over her eyes.

Orsino still stared at Cassia, then he cleared his throat and abruptly looked back down at the folder in his hand. “I need… more time with this,” he said. “But I already have one question.” Looking up, his eyes were full of determination. “How can I help?”

Adriene couldn’t help the small, relieved smile spreading over her face as she got up. “I think, I’m going to leave you to it,” she said. “This sounds like it’ll pertain to mostly Gallows-internal things, and I can’t help there. And it’s better if we leave separately anyway. If there is anything you need me to do from the outside, let me know.” She paused as an idea came to her, then she added, “Oh, and by the way, the whole uproar in Meredith’s office earlier? You could use that as reasoning why you’re trying to work more closely with the Knight-Captain. Officially with the Knight-Commander being so busy, of course, but you could let it shine through that you’re trying to keep an eye on him because of Cassia?”

Orsino frowned and nodded reluctantly. “I cannot promise to be an equally good actor, to be honest. But I can try.”

“You could just _do_ it and let Cullen or Cassia handle the complaint to the Knight-Commander,” Adriene suggested.

“We’ll work something out,” Cassia nodded. “It’s a good idea.”

“What uproar?” Cullen asked with a worried look.

Adriene chuckled as she walked to the door. “Oh, right. I’ll leave it to Cassia to tell you about that trip.” She gave Cullen a wink and turned the key in the lock. “You were fond of Orlesians, weren’t you?”

The scandalized look on Cullen’s face nearly made her laugh out loud. Like all Fereldens, he had a distinct dislike of anything Orlesian. Before he could answer though, she motioned to him to be silent and listened until she was certain there was nobody in the hallway, then she gave the others a little wave and slipped out of the door. She had a trip to plan as well.


	14. Let Them Hear

The last few weeks, Cassia had gained a new appreciation for just how relaxed her day-to-day routine had been before all this. Even back shortly after Maia was born, her days hadn’t been as stuffed full of things to do than they were now. When she wasn’t busy with the many occasions Meredith requested her company for social events, she was busy studying the things Anders taught her about healing. 

For the first time in her life, Cassia was actually using her magic in a way and in an amount that made her physically tired after a couple of hours. When she was younger, she had tried her best to minimize her use of magic, focusing on learning all about the things that let her get away with using the least amount of magic possible. Turning the art of making potions into her biggest field of interest had only helped her with that.

But the actual use of healing magic was vastly different, and Cassia gained a whole new level of appreciation for the work done down in the clinic. Anders had been the one to mainly teach her, but after a few weeks of her increased presence, Alain had started to warm up to her as well, occasionally explaining things to her, and over time, he took over whole lessons. He and Anders seemed almost like a well-oiled team by now.

All in all, Cassia couldn’t complain too much. Shouldn't complain, she told herself. She was still free. Their charade for Meredith was working flawlessly, and the few times over the last weeks that she had seen Adriene, her sister had looked happier than ever before. The only thing that really stressed Cassia out lately was how little time she had for her family. She got up earlier than she had to each day just so she would be able to make breakfast and have a few moments with Maia at the start of every day, and she did her absolute best to be home early enough each afternoon to spend some time with her before her bedtime, but it wasn’t possible every day. And even on the days she managed it, they usually ended with her falling asleep from sheer exhaustion next to Maia when bringing her to bed. Which left even less time for her to spend with Cullen.

As she walked through the uninviting corridors of the Gallows, Cassia sighed at the thought that she couldn’t even clearly say when she and Cullen last had a few hours to themselves. Just the two of them. It had been weeks ago. And it would be even longer. This evening would have them make an appearance together at the event Meredith had mentioned to her at the beginning of the week, but there was no hope of having any privacy or even just a moment for conversation. Another ‘invitation’ where participation wasn’t optional. This time, the Knight-Commander herself was hosting. A large-scale dinner with entertainment and in the Viscount’s Keep of all places. It was nothing but one big statement Meredith was making. Something so big that despite how much Cassia dreaded it, neither of them would be able to come up with any excuse. Cassia sighed at the prospect of yet another evening spent like this. No matter how much she tried, there wasn’t a single thing she could find that would make her able to look forward to it.

Orana would be staying overnight to take care of Maia while Cassia had made her way to the Gallows so she and Cullen would paint the right picture by arriving at the Keep together. She was almost at Cullen’s office when a familiar and wholly unwelcome voice interrupted her thoughts.

“You should be careful walking around all on your own here,” Ser Oswald said in his usual, snide tone. “One might mistake you for one of those other mages and think you’re on the wrong side of the walls. Could be dangerous.”

Cassia refused to slow down her steps to even deem him with a greeting and just kept walking as she replied, “From what I hear, it’s just as dangerous being on the  _ right  _ side of the walls. At least when it comes to you,” she said, her tone barely civil.

“Oh, you have bite today! And here I thought the work for the Knight-Commander would maybe mellow you out.” Ser Oswald had his usual, unpleasant smile on his face as he caught up with her. 

“You’d like that, wouldn’t you?” Cassia shot back, not bothering to keep up a polite facade anymore. The last few weeks had been too stressful for her to have any energy left for polite decorum. Not when she had nothing but disdain for this man.

With two hurried steps, he was in front of her, blocking her way and forcing her to stop walking. “I can tell you all about what I would like.” By now, there was a familiar leer on his face, and Cassia swallowed.

Despite her annoyance, she hadn’t forgotten the harsh grip around her throat, the whispered threats, and the complete carelessness with which he had struck her. There was the ever-present sliver of fear welling up in her whenever he crossed her path, and the only methods she had found to deal with it were either avoidance or going on the attack. Only one of these things was possible right now. Looking much more at ease than she felt, Cassia narrowed her eyes at him.

“It must be difficult for you,” she said, her voice honey-sweet all of a sudden. “Here you are, putting in years of service and it took me all of what, an hour of talking maybe for the Knight-Commander to like me better than you.” There was a brief twitch on his face as the anger started to show in his eyes, and Cassia decided to add just a little bit more to it. “And you can’t even lock me up or try and beat the magic out of me, because right now? I am so much more useful to Meredith than you are. It's kind of funny.” With a smile matching her tone, she ignored his glare and pushed past him when an angry hand suddenly grabbed her arm and pulled her back. 

With furious eyes, Oswald hissed at her, “Mighty words for someone whom the Knight-Captain has leashed like a dog…”

“And aren’t you just spitting mad that he got there first?” Cassia hissed back before raising her voice. “Ser Oswald,” she said suddenly so loud it nearly classified as shouting. “This is highly inappropriate!”

For a moment, it shook him into silence as he gave her a confused look as if he was unsure of what she intended to do, but Cassia could hear the sounds of a heavy chair moving. Steps followed, and a moment later, the door to Cullen’s office opened.

“Is there a problem?” Cullen said sharply, with thinly veiled anger in the hardness of his stare. 

Instantly, Ser Oswald let go of her arm. “Of course not, just wishing her a nice evening at the Keep,” he said, overly polite. 

Without sparing him another look, Cassia moved away from him, pushing past Cullen and into the safety of his office. 

Cullen glared at Ser Oswald, on the brink of saying something else before he thought better of it and followed Cassia, pointedly closing the door behind them. 

“Are you alright?” he asked, taking a step towards her and drawing her into a hug. The moment she was in his arms, she seemed to relax and he felt her nod lightly. 

“Just the usual,” she said with a sigh.  _ The usual. _ Cullen knew exactly what she meant, and immediately, he felt the anger rise in him again. He had tried everything he could think of over the past year to permanently get Ser Oswald thrown out of the templars, but the man had been remarkably good at covering his tracks and appearing to have a flawless record. It had led to a peculiar mix of rage against Ser Oswald himself and most of all the system that made it nearly impossible to get to him, frustrating Cullen to no end. Forcefully, he shoved those feelings down again, refusing to let this man ruin more than he already had. It wasn’t something he wanted to spend any effort thinking about in those rare moments when he had Cassia to himself for once.

“I know I’m a bit early,” Cassia said in that moment. “But we barely saw each other these past days, and I thought I could spend some time with you even if you still have work to do.” She looked up at him with a smile that was instantly infectious. 

“It has been awful lately,” he agreed. With a sigh of regret, he looked at his desk. “I do still have to finish this one report, but you being around is definitely an improvement.”

With a chuckle, Cassia stepped out of his embrace. “Well, you better get to it then, so I might still get five minutes of you to myself before we have to leave,” she teased. 

Cullen let out a laugh as he went back to his desk. “I’ll do my very best,” he promised before he reluctantly went back to his work. But his focus didn’t stay on the paper for long. In the corner of his eyes, Cassia undid the clasp of her heavy winter cloak, taking it off and putting it over one of the chairs. And with that, the paper was suddenly forgotten as Cullen appreciated her elegant get-up for the banquet at the Keep. The dress she was wearing was something he hadn’t seen before. Bright yellow, it stood in lovely contrast to her darker skin and the greyish winter mood from outside. As she stopped in front of the small fireplace and warmed up her hands, he noticed that the dress was quite a bit more daring than the things she usually wore. It left her shoulders free and gave him an enticing view of a part of her back. When she turned around to him again, he couldn’t even pretend that he wasn’t staring.

“Is that a new dress?” he asked, letting his eyes wander over her form in appreciation. Cassia grinned at him, twirling around once for good measure.

“It is, I just picked it up from our tailor yesterday,” she explained. “I am assuming you like it, and if you don’t, you’ll have to pretend that you do because this was way too expensive for me to not wear it!”

Cullen had to clear his throat before answering. “I can honestly say that there is no lying necessary, you look… unbelievably amazing,” he breathed out, his eyes still fixed on her. “Maker, Cassia you look radiating.” He felt like he could have looked at her for hours. The neckline of the dress was daringly low and he swallowed. “This is definitely going to have people talking though.”

Cassia smiled even wider at that. “You don’t look half-bad yourself,” she said with a grin. Despite being invited in an official function, Cullen wasn’t actually on duty tonight, meaning he had exchanged the bulky templar armor for appropriate formal wear already. The lack of heavy plate made him instantly look more approachable, more relaxed. Except for the slight line of worry on his face. 

“You know, despite supporting Meredith, the nobles are gossiping about me nonstop. So I might as well go all out,” she said to ease his concern.

She had tried to keep her head down and not draw unnecessary attention to herself for most of her life. But if there had been one thing Cassia had learned over the past few months, it was that all of that counted for nothing now that her reputation and the way people perceived her were set by their circumstances. For the nobles, she was the leashed mage under templar control, the Champion furthering Meredith’s ambitions, that was dancing to the every whim of both her husband and Meredith. And to the people who wanted to see more freedom for mages, Cassia was the embodiment of everything they hated. A traitor. She was well aware of how people talked about her behind closed doors. About the mage who had it made. The gossip ranged from how she had certainly used blood magic to enthrall Cullen to how she must have been trading her body for her freedom. One particular out-there piece of gossip even claimed that she had most likely enticed the Knight-Commander in a similar manner to get her way.

No, Cassia had absolutely no illusion about her reputation in Kirkwall anymore. Nor did she expect it to ever change again, not even if their plan worked and their charade would be over. On the contrary, she could vividly imagine the nasty conclusions people would draw from that already. She had known that her plan would not win her any friends, but the sheer extent of just how insidious the rumor mill was among nobles and regular folk alike had surprised her nonetheless. It had taken some months to get used to. Even more time for her to start seeing at least a small upside to it. With a reputation in as much shambles as hers was, she had little to lose at least. It wasn’t like she actually wanted to build up lasting support for the templars, despite all her words in public. So being a person of highly questionable standing could work in their favor in the end, and it came with the freedom of no longer having to care if the nobles truly liked her.

But Cassia knew his remark for what it was — simple concern for her. “Let them talk if they want to,” she said softly. “We have more important things to worry about.” Smiling, she gave him a nudge toward his report. “Like finishing that up, for instance, so I can have your full attention.”

With a sigh, Cullen tore his eyes away from her and looked at the unfinished paperwork. “And just like that I care even less than usual about this,” he murmured as he looked for his pen.

Cassia chuckled lightly as she looked at him fondly. “Trust me, I am not all that happy about having to fight the papers for your attention either.”

“It’s not really a competition,” Cullen assured her with a wink. “You obviously win even right now.”

Curiously, he watched as Cassia’s cheeks flushed all of a sudden, and he was about to ask just what exactly she was thinking when she was suddenly next to him. 

“Is that so?” she asked, with a glint in her eyes that made Cullen gasp as she bent forward and drew a small strand of hair out of his face. “You think I could make you forget all about that report then?”

At her teasing voice, he swallowed before looking up at her. “What report?” he asked, pushing the papers away without even looking at them. Cassia beamed at him in delight and with a smooth move, she slid onto his desk. The wide skirt of her dress gave her no problems to find a comfortable seating position in the middle of it, one leg at each side of him.

“You know, I still have very fond memories of this desk,” Cassia said in a low voice as she leaned forward to take one of his hands and placed it firmly on her upper thigh. Cullen was swaying towards her almost instinctively as her other hand cupped his jaw, pulling him closer to her and into a teasing kiss. 

“Maybe we should refresh them,” Cullen murmured against her lips. 

“I don’t know,” she said softly. “My memories are  _ very _ fond after all, you think you can live up to them?”

“I can certainly try.”

Cullen’s hands slid up her thighs and onto her waist, pulling her closer towards him as he captured her lips in a much more heated kiss. The dress felt smooth to the touch and so very thin under his hands as he cupped one of her breasts through the fabric. It was form-fitting but not too tight, he noticed in satisfaction when it took only a little bit more than a gentle push and some tugging to make both her breasts spill over the neckline. Elevated by the desk she was sitting at the perfect height for him to close his mouth around a nipple and gently suck on it. 

Cassia let her head fall back at the sensation, pushing into his touch as a moan escaped her, and she froze for a moment. They were in Cullen’s office after all. A place close to the entrance of the whole building where people passed by all the time.

“Someone could hear us,” she murmured before gasping as he pulled away just enough so she felt a gust of cold air on her heated skin. The heat in Cullen’s eyes was searing as he looked at her.

“Right now, I am not inclined to let that stop me,” he said with a growl before he licked a stripe over her breast towards the other one. “On the contrary.” 

“On the contrary?” Cassia asked with a raised eyebrow, but Cullen was already back to what he was doing, and she couldn’t help but let out another moan, much louder this time. 

“Maybe getting an earful will remind some people not to take liberties with you,” he murmured lowly, and the possessive tone in his voice made Cassia shiver in excitement under his touch. One of his hands dropped down and found her lower leg beneath the dress, slowly sliding upwards, bunching the fabric up with his arm. He kept his pace agonizingly slow, making her squirm in anticipation. 

Cullen’s lips closed around the tip of her breast, his tongue twirling in teasing motions while his hand slid over the thin fabric of her underwear. A promise of something more as his fingers pressed against her entrance, stopped only by the piece of fabric in between. Cassia’s gasp turned into another moan as his fingers went up, teasing her through the cloth. She felt a hint of teeth on her breast, just on the right side of pain before Cullen’s tongue soothed over it again, and Cassia pushed against him impatiently.

With a promising smile, Cullen drew back and pulled her undergarments off without further preamble before pushing her to lean backwards until her upper body was lying flat on the table. His hands made quick work in pushing the skirt of her dress up around her waist. When he leaned back in and started kissing his way along her inner thigh, Cassia shuddered. This had not been in her plans for today at all, but now that it was happening, she felt herself almost bursting with need. Her neck straining, she looked at him, watching his head between her legs being so close to where she actually wanted him. 

A sudden noise made her tense for a moment. It sounded like footsteps, the unmistakable sound of heavily armored boots on stone. Of someone walking through the corridor. 

“I don’t think either of us thought of locking the door,” Cullen mumbled in between more kisses just around her core, and Cassia felt her eyes widen slightly as she realized he was right. 

“Maybe we should,” she got out between hitched breaths. 

“You want me to stop?” he asked, and as her eyes met his she saw a delicious spark in them. He was barely touching her, but as Cassia deliberated, she felt his fingers on her, carefully spreading her open before he started licking her, his tongue dancing around that little nub that made her see stars.

Cassia didn’t even register the dull ache at the back of her head as it hit the table, all thoughts about the door drifting away from her. All she could think about was his mouth, his tongue on her. Another loud moan escaped her as one of his fingers dipped into her.  Immediately, she tried to push herself closer to him, but her position gave her no leverage at all. 

Again, she heard a noise from outside, wondering briefly if there was someone else walking by or if it was the same person. The rhythm of footsteps rang in her ears, blending into the sound of her own heartbeat and her heavy breaths as she listened carefully. There was definitely someone walking by. Instinctively she bit down on her lips, stifling a much louder noise as Cullen’s tongue made a delightful little swirl that hit her just right. She felt him still between her legs almost instantly. Cassia let out a whine in protest as she felt the treacherous shake of his laughter against her before he looked up at her with a burning intensity. He didn’t say anything, just giving her a raised eyebrow, and Cassia groaned. 

“Keep going!” she urged him on.

“If you want me to keep going, I want to hear you.” There was a second finger teasing at her entrance, going agonizingly slow. “You know how much I enjoy it when you get loud.” 

Cassia squirmed against him in frustration. Of course he had to find a way to turn this into a game somehow. A way to tease her mercilessly. “I take back every loving thing I have ever said about you, you are absolutely evil,” she huffed, still twitching underneath him. “The most evil person I have ever had in my bed!”

A small lick from his tongue made her breath stutter and her voice break on another moan. 

“Technically, I took you into my bed, not the other way around,” Cullen said with a deceptively sweet smile as he teased her just a bit more. Fingers and mouth giving her the smallest hints of pleasure only to draw away again. As he brought his fingers to his lips, Cassia could see them glistening from her arousal. “Despite your complaints, you are most definitely enjoying this,” Cullen said with a grin as he made a show of licking them clean.

Cassia shuddered in delight at the sight and at the intensity of his look. He wasn’t wrong after all. Everything about the situation had her tense and on edge but in the absolute best way possible. It reminded her of that time in the Chantry, and how much of a thrill the mere thought of getting caught had been.

“If you want me to be loud, you’ll just have to make sure to make me forget where we are,” she said with a teasing grin. 

The look Cullen gave her at that could only be described as being both delighted and amused at the same time. “You don’t want to forget where we are,” he chuckled, as he called her out. His eyes ran over her with a heated look. “On my desk and in plain view should someone open the door is exactly where you want to be.”

Cassia’s throat went dry at his words and a shiver of lust ran through her. She needed him to move again, to put his mouth back on her, but Cullen was still giving her an expectant look. As if he was waiting for her to acknowledge how right he was about her. Underneath it all, though, she could see the same need that drove her mirrored in his eyes.

“Maybe,” she admitted, her breath coming out in harsh bursts, and she swallowed again. Taking in the way he looked at her and what he had said earlier, she followed a hunch as she added, “Goes well with your desire to stake your claim on me in front to everyone, does it?” It wasn’t something she minded at all. Cassia had always been aware of his more possessive side, but the sheer intensity of it caught her almost off-guard as his hands were suddenly back on her.

Cullen’s eyes were dark with promise as he pushed two fingers inside of her again. “Indeed, it does,” he smirked. He watched her tremble as he twisted his hand just right before stopping his ministrations the instant that Cassia let out a quiet gasp. 

“Come on, you can do better,” he said, repeating the motion just a little bit more forcefully, and Cassia couldn’t help the loud moan leaving her lips. She could see the satisfaction in his eyes turn into something else as she instinctively bit her lip, trying to quell the sound. 

“It’s easy,” Cullen said in a deceptively calm sounding voice that couldn’t quite distract from the devious spark in his eyes. “You are staying quiet? You don’t get to come.”

Cassia’s eyes widened in shock. “You wouldn't,” she breathed, staring at his face that showed no hint that he was just having her on.

His eyes were fixed on hers as his fingers curled inside of her, sending a brief wave of pleasure through her body and then completely stilled again. “Watch me.”

Cullen had used the moments of her distraction to just take in the enticing view she made in front of him. Cassia’s hair was tousled and fanned out around her. Her eyes were wide, locked onto him and so obviously full of conflicting emotions it was mesmerizing to watch. Her lips were red from biting down onto them, looking oh-so-very inviting. Cullen almost couldn’t tear his own eyes off her, but when he did, letting his gaze wander down, the rest of her looked equally as wonderful to him. Her breasts were looking spectacular framed by the yellow fabric straining slightly around them now, moving slightly up and down with her labored breaths. Her legs spread wide, leaving her open and bare in front of him and looking inviting all while the bulk of her dress bundled up at her waist. That she was still wearing said dress while looking utterly debauched lying on his desk like this only managed to spur him on. And the look she was giving him was part fire and part helplessness as he slowly started moving again. 

Cassia hadn't been wrong about him enjoying this situation just as much as she did. There was something about the thought of making sure the whole world knew she was his and his alone. Especially now and in this place, where everything kept threatening to tear them apart every single day. When he looked into her eyes, Cullen could see the desire on her face, mixed with some inner conflict. Modesty? Embarrassment? Cullen couldn’t tell, but it was obvious for a moment she was debating whether to play along with his request or not. He sent her a challenging look, and Cassia in return had a sudden glint in her eyes, biting her lip again. 

Cassia briefly played with the idea of putting in her best effort into denying him any noise she could make, just to see how far he would push this. But he already had her throbbing with need, and she had no doubt that Cullen was fully capable of calling her bluff and making her wait for much longer than she was patient for. No, she needed this, needed him now, and if he wanted her as vocal as possible, Cassia would oblige. She might as well fully enjoy it too. With that thought, she spread her legs just a little bit wider, and she got rewarded for it instantly as she felt his mouth back on her. 

Cullen let out a small noise of enjoyment as his tongue teased her, and the vibrations against her sensitive skin made her gasp. Through half-lidded eyes, she watched him thoroughly enjoy himself between her legs. His fingers were now moving much more determined inside her, going for that sweet spot that made everything just a little bit better every time he hit it. Cassia didn’t even need to deliberately turn her volume up as he suddenly twisted his hand again and she felt a slight sucking motion from his lips on her. Helplessly, she clawed at the smooth surface of the desk, trying to find some purchase as pleasure shot through her, making her moan indecently loud. She was still shaking when he got out of his chair and was suddenly hovering over her. 

“You hear that?” he asked and motioned towards the door. The noise of someone talking while walking by was not something one could miss. Even over the sound of her own harsh breathing, she could clearly hear them. Cassia groaned again as she felt his fingers playfully sliding through the wetness between her legs. Was it her imagination or did the steps outside falter for a moment? She couldn’t tell, and the thought just sent more sparks of desire through her. 

Cullen felt his breath almost being taken away as he looked down at her from his now standing position. Her cheeks were flushed and she was panting, getting impatient but still looking up at him with so much warmth in her eyes. For a moment, Cassia just watched him watch her before a calculating look flickered over her face, and he could see a wide smile forming on her lips. 

Almost as if to challenge him, she let her eyes wander down to his pants, and she licked her lips. Her hands slid over her own body as her eyes went back up to meet his. One of Cassia’s hands started playfully teasing her own breasts. 

“Perhaps you should try harder if you want me to outright scream,” she sighed in a breathless voice, and Cullen found himself unable to take his eyes off her as he started to undo his pants. It was his turn to moan out loud when Cassia decided not to wait for him in her search for more pleasure. Her other hand had slid down in between her legs, and she started to gently pleasure herself, all while she kept looking at him with that open expression he knew would be his undoing every time. A soft sigh escaped her as two of her fingers went where his had been only a few moments ago.

“Cullen,” she sounded strained as she started to buck up into her own hand. “Are you just going to stand there and watch or are you going to do something?”

For a moment, Cullen was tempted to do just that. “You don’t know just what an enticing view you are giving me right now,” he murmured, and he saw Cassia’s eyes sparkle. 

“Next time!” she promised with a sultry look, and he couldn’t help but smile as he wondered just what in the world had he done to deserve this wonderful woman. His mind could come up with nothing substantial. He would just have to keep thanking his lucky stars, it seemed. When Cassia twitched and moaned under her own touch again, he shook himself out of his stupor. With quick movements, he got the offending piece of clothing out of the way. 

Cassia stopped and reached for him as he stepped closer, giving him a few delightful strokes that almost made his eyes flutter shut. But his desire to not miss a single second of seeing her like this was stronger than anything else.  _ ‘Mine,’ _ his mind kept thinking as he grabbed her hips and pulled her towards him, ever so slightly over the edge of the table. His hand covered hers as he positioned himself and started to slowly slide inside her. He could see her trying to meet him, hurrying him along, but he kept to his slow pace until Cassia seemed to reach her breaking point.

“Cullen!” she insisted loudly, “I am all for teasing, but if you don’t hurry up sometime soon, I swear I am getting up from this desk and I am leaving!” 

Half chuckling at her indignation, half moaning at the feel of her heat around him, Cullen shook his head in amusement. “No, you’re not,” he said confidently. Then, with one stroke he was deep inside her. He leaned over her, supporting himself on his arm until they were eye to eye again. “Because I am definitely not done with you yet.” And with that, he bent down to kiss her as he finally started to pick up pace. 

Cassia couldn't do anything but hold onto him as he started moving. Her fingernails scratching over his back seemed to encourage him into a harsher pace. She had wrapped both her legs around his hips, creating a delicious friction between them with every move he made. When he broke away from their kiss to breathe, she felt the noise spilling out of her mouth without even thinking about it. A moment later, his mouth was next to her ear.

“Yes, just like that,” Cullen whispered. He was pushing into her in such strong thrusts she could hear the desk strain slightly under their movements, and she moaned again. “Louder,” he encouraged her. “Let them all hear just how much you enjoy what I do to you.” He grunted into her ear as her hands buried themselves roughly into his hair. “Let them hear how well I fuck you.” 

The sudden vulgarity coming out of his mouth almost made Cassia see stars. She clenched around him, only dimly aware that he was speeding up his thrusts as she came, a scream of his name on her lips. Moments later, he joined her with a loud groan of his own as he spilled inside of her. 

When Cassia came down from her high again, still heavily breathing, she could hear the noises from outside even clearer than before. They had definitely been heard. She knew there had been a time when the mere thought would have mortified her, but right at this moment, she felt almost giddy at the realization. Excitement, not unlike the adrenaline of a fight ran through her at the knowledge of what they had done. 

Cullen was looking down at her, equally out of breath as he placed a soft kiss onto her lips nonetheless. “Too much?” he asked when her breathing didn’t seem to calm down, but she emphatically shook her head. 

“No! Not at all,” Cassia grinned at him. She loved that for all his confidence in the bedroom, he never seemed to take anything for granted, always making sure they were on the same page. “That was…” Cassia trailed off, still trying to catch her breath. Her heart was still racing and she drew in a deep breath. “I didn’t even know that this would get me  _ this _ excited,” she admitted almost sheepishly. “Did you know?”

Cullen smiled down on her, shaking his head. “Know? No. But I had an idea from your reactions to some other things.” 

Cassia shook her head lightly, smiling at him. “I swear, you have some weird sixth sense about what I like somehow.”

He just grinned at her as he drew closer, kissing her again, completely unhurried this time. From outside, she could hear someone unlock a door further down the corridor while talking in hushed voices. She felt a shiver going through her at the renewed thought of someone definitely having heard her earlier, and Cullen chuckled slightly against her. “You are always so very responsive if you like something,” he murmured against her lips. “Even if you don’t know exactly what you want yet. I just need to follow your reactions.” 

Cassia knew that at one time she would have probably felt uncomfortable about this. About being so easy to read. And she still would, she realized, if the person seeing through her would be anyone else but Cullen. She had to rely on her best card game face and her ability to deceive people almost every day by now, making sure she showed little to nothing of what she actually felt and thought to everyone around her. It was nice to have someone she trusted enough to not feel even the slightest bit worried at the knowledge that he saw right through her. That he sometimes figured out things about her before she herself did. That in moments like this, when it was just the two of them, she could be fully herself without fear of judgment. And last but not least, that she didn’t have to be embarrassed about the things that she wanted. Things she would never admit to another living soul just spilled from her lips when Cullen was the one asking her, and his obvious delight in giving her all that she wanted made any hesitation disappear.

Whoever had been outside getting an earful might have a pretty good idea of what they had been doing, but in the end, they knew nothing about what they had together after all. Nothing about what she felt for the man who was still looking down at her like she was the most precious thing in existence. That was, like it had always been, something just between the two of them.

Carefully, she started to push herself up from the desk, and Cullen immediately drew back a bit, helping her sit up again. Another set of footsteps outside sent yet one more small shiver through Cassia, and he grinned at her, obviously having seen her reaction, noticing that she was still quite excited about the whole situation.

He gave her a look that ignited the spark of excitement into a full-blown fire again as he casually started to pull her dress back into place. “How about we get ready to go to the Keep?” he said lowly, and Cassia felt torn between the renewed bursts of desire flowing through her and the knowledge that they would have to leave soon if they didn’t want to be late.

“We should,” she agreed with a sigh. She looked around, her eyes landing on her discarded underwear on the floor and she shifted, ready to get off the table and fully dressed again when Cullen stopped her. His hand slid high onto her thigh once more, his fingers brushing through the wetness still between her legs as his eyes burned into her.

“Leave it,” he said softly before his voice took on a teasing tone again. “It will make things much easier when I find us a nice, out-of-view spot during the banquet and we can find out if you enjoy trying to stay quiet just as much.” 

Cassia’s breath hitched as she knew immediately that he wasn’t joking about this, and she grinned widely at him. 

“But how will you stake your claim on me then?” she asked, the same hint of teasing in her voice. It got Cullen to let out a growling noise as he leaned closer into her space again.

“I think the knowledge of having you while half of Kirkwall’s nobility is cluelessly dining in the next room might just make up for that,” he murmured before kissing her once more, and Cassia smiled to herself at the realization that there was indeed something that could make her look forward to the event.


	15. A Glimpse Of Madness

It was one of those blissful days where Cassia didn’t have to go to the Gallows at all. No meetings with Meredith made for a remarkably relaxed time. It would have been perfect if Cullen could have been around too, but after the last few weeks, Cassia was determined to enjoy every bit of quiet family time she could, even if it could not be all of them at the same time. He had taken on another night shift, and Cassia hadn’t seen him since the late morning of the day before when she had left the Gallows. But at least she could look forward to the evening when he would be home with them.

She had been out on errands with Maia all morning, enjoying the clear skies despite the ongoing cold and soaking in every bit of sunshine she could catch. She had enjoyed making lunch together with Maia’s help and after that had read her a story until it was time for a nap. When Cassia cleaned up the kitchen after Maia had fallen asleep, she was happily humming an upbeat melody. She couldn't even remember when a day had last been this relaxed. It was far too long ago.

And as if the Maker himself had decided to grant her a day off, even her magic had been remarkably quiet and effortless today. It had gotten better over time, just like Anders had assured her, but the small moments where she could not stop her hands from freezing over still happened. Irregularly and not nearly as often as they had before, but Cassia knew her problem wasn’t completely gone. That even knowing all she knew by now could not completely solve the issue.

It certainly felt like it was all solved today, though. A welcome reprieve from everything else.

The afternoon was similarly relaxing. Cassia spent the time after Maia’s nap playing with her, trying a bit more to make up for all the times she had to leave her with Orana or Fenris lately. Maia never seemed to mind. For her, Orana and Fenris were just as much part of her family than Cassia or Cullen were by now. As was Adriene of course and the rest of their friends. But despite knowing that, Cassia couldn’t help but feel guilty ever so often. Not today though. She had decided to not let anything drag her down today. 

In the afternoon, Orana took Maia with her to her weekly trip to the Lowtown market. Despite Cassia’s desire to spend as much time as possible with Maia, she wasn’t about to keep her from doing something her little girl so obviously enjoyed, and it would give Cassia some time all by herself for once. Something that had been even rarer lately. The two of them had just left when Cassia heard the tell-tale sound of their front door opening again, followed by the sound of heavily armored boots, and a smile spread over her face as she realized that Cullen had come home a little bit earlier than anticipated. As she went to greet him, the smile on her face fell the moment she took in his appearance. Cullen looked absolutely awful.

Dark rings were clearly visible under his eyes, and he didn’t look like it had just been a regular night shift for him at all. More like he hadn’t slept for days. He looked completely worn down, something hollow to his face, and Cassia felt her heart starting to beat faster in apprehension as she tried to think of what could've happened to make him look like this.

“Cullen,” she asked quietly, “what happened to you?”

When he looked up, there was only confusion on his face. As if he had not even been aware that she was in the hallway with him.

“What happened?” he echoed her words before his face flinched in pain, and he held his temple for a moment. “Nothing happened,” he murmured as he started to take off his weapons and the outer parts of his armor. “I‘ve had a terrible headache all day already, but other than that, I am fine.”

Cassia narrowed her eyes. This looked nothing like anything caused by a mere headache. “Are you certain?” she asked.

It took Cullen a moment to answer, but when he did, he was carefully nodding. “I am, I just need to sit down for a moment and relax,” he assured her. “Maybe take a potion for the headache, and I’ll probably feel better then.”

Cassia could do nothing but look after him as he went to change out of the rest of his armor. Her worry was far from gone, and after a brief moment of indecision, she went into the kitchen, getting out one of the healing potions she had always in stock and something to drink. 

When Cullen joined her in the living room a few moments later, she had everything ready to help him. He shot her a grateful look as he sank down onto the couch and downed the potion in one large gulp. 

Cassia had settled down next to him, gently drawing his head onto her shoulder as her fingers went through his hair in soothing motions. “Do you need anything?” she asked quietly. “Something to eat? To drink? Some ice for your headache?”

“No,” Cullen murmured quietly. “The mere thought of food makes me feel even worse.” 

At that, Cassia frowned. That definitely did not sound like just any regular headache. “When was the last time you ate anything?” she asked, concerned, watching Cullen’s forehead crinkle as he was in deep thoughts for a moment.

“I’m not sure, sometime yesterday I think?” he said slowly, and Cassia shook her head.

“You definitely need some food then,” she decided, ready to get up. Cullen put a hand onto her arm, urging her to stay.

“In a moment, just let me relax for a little while,” he murmured, drawing her closer.

The urge to do something more helpful was strong in her, but Cassia relaxed into the couch nonetheless. A few more minutes would not make a difference after all. 

For a moment, they just sat together. Cassia never stopped running her fingers gently over his scalp when something began to shift. At first, Cassia wasn’t sure what it was she was feeling. Like something around her changed ever so slightly, the smell of the air was different than before, and the sounds of their living room around them were ever so slightly more pronounced. When Cullen’s hand on her arm suddenly tightened, Cassia almost didn’t notice the small tingling feeling at the back of her neck. For a moment, she was utterly distracted from the feeling of his fingers digging into the flesh of her arm. As she looked at Cullen’s face, he seemed still in pain, but when she tried to reach for him, she felt what she had so easily overlooked a moment ago - the slight pulling sensation that went through her and that she knew only all too well. He was draining her magic. Rapidly. The sensation got stronger with every second, nothing like the usual, slow way they sometimes both enjoyed in the privacy of their bedroom. No, this was entirely different. Urgent somehow.

“Cullen, what are you doing?” Cassia croaked, her voice suddenly dry as she tried to breathe through the sudden dizziness going through her.

“Mhm?” he hummed questioningly as his eye opened almost sluggishly at her words. “I’m not doing anything,” he said, with genuine confusion on his face.

“You most definitely are,” Cassia got out. “You are draining me!” The worry for his strange behavior overthrew the slight spark of arousal that came almost naturally by now whenever he drained her magic. But the situation was anything but pleasurable. For either of them. 

“Cullen!” Cassia said a lot louder than before, trying to snap him out of whatever state his mind was in. Together with a push against his shoulder, it seemed to do the trick. The sensations stopped as his head snapped around to look at her. 

“What?!” he said, sounding a bit more clear-headed than before. As if he was only now catching up with what had happened, his eyes widened all of a sudden. “Maker, Cassia, what did I… are you alright?”

Cassia took a deep breath before she nodded briefly. Thankfully, the dizziness had gone as soon as it had come. But something wasn’t adding up. In front of her, Cullen was breathing harshly, a small sheen of sweat glistening at his temple as if he had just run through Hightown instead of calmly sitting on the couch with her. His eyes were more alert than before, but they were flickering through the room restlessly. And from the look of pain on his face, she could see the headache had not gotten better at all, despite the potion.

“Alright,” she said, “this is more than a headache, we are going to pay Anders a visit!”

Cullen looked at her, the exhaustion all over his face as he asked, “Can’t I just lie down and sleep? I’m sure it will be better tomorrow.”

With a determined shake of her head, Cassia stood up, taking his arm firmly to nudge him along. “No! Something about this isn’t right, and I worry about you, Cullen.” Her voice was surprisingly stern and left no room for arguments. With a pained groan, Cullen slowly stood up.

“Alright,” he murmured, and Cassia felt her worry grow when he swayed for a moment and she saw him shiver like he was outside in the cold and not right next to her, in their warm and cozy living room. 

“Come on,” she said a bit softer. “We can take the tunnel at Adriene’s, it won’t be a long trip!” 

While she had been technically right about that, it turned out to feel much longer than usual to walk the few minutes over to Adriene’s house. For a brief second, Cassia considered to take an even longer route so they wouldn’t be seen on her way to her sister, but with Cullen looking like he might fall over at any moment, she decided against it. She would just have to come up with some reason for her day-time visit to Adriene that would make sense for them if someone noticed. As long as she mixed a hearty dose of conflict between them into the story, Meredith would probably believe her. 

When she finally knocked on Adriene’s door, Cullen had gotten noticeably worse. His hands were trembling and his eyes were nearly glassy as Adriene opened the door and looked at them in shock.

“I need to get him to Anders,” Cassia said without sparing time for a greeting. “As quickly as possible!”

“Of course,” Adriene replied instantly. As she ushered them inside, Cullen nearly stumbled, and Cassia managed just in time to keep him up.

“Nevermind walking down to the clinic like that,” Adriene said as she took in their situation. “Come on, I’ll help you.” Without further ado, Adriene was on Cullen’s other side, helping Cassia to hold him up. “You can lay down in the guest room,” she said as they carefully brought him up the stairs. Adriene pushed down the door handle with her elbow before kicking the door wide open. 

Cullen’s shivering had turned into outright shaking, and Cassia could feel every twitch against her. “I got it from here,” she told Adriene. “Can you perhaps…”

“I’ll run and get Anders,” Adriene said without hesitation before hurrying down the stairs again. “I’ll be right back!”

Cassia heard a door falling shut as she tried to focus on getting Cullen from the doorway to the bed, but she couldn’t even manage a single step before the tingling sensation on her neck returned. 

“Cullen,” she said with a frown, “this is not…” 

Cassia didn’t get to finish her sentence as she was suddenly pushed against the wall. Cullen was leaning over her, his breath going fast as his hand cradled her face. “I just need to,” he murmured, and like before in their home, his eyes looked suddenly a little bit clearer again. But at the same time, he seemed to be barely present. 

The pull on her magic got stronger, and for a moment, Cassia’s knees almost gave out from the surge of nausea that went through her. What usually was a gentle tug felt more like someone was straight up ripping at her magic with all their might, and for a few seconds, Cassia couldn’t differentiate between up and down anymore. Helplessly, she held onto his shoulders, trying desperately not to simply sink down onto the floor.

“Please stop.” Her voice was almost a whisper, but Cullen must have heard her for he frantically shook his head.

“I can’t,” he said roughly. “I have to, I need…” When he trailed off, the pull got even more intense. His eyes seemed to look right through her, and Cassia shuddered at the realization that there seemed to be not even a hint of recognition in them. Cullen seemed completely out of it. With all her left-over energy, Cassia pushed at his chest, trying to dislodge him. His bad condition worked in her favor for once as she managed to push herself off the wall and him a bit further away from her.

“No,” Cullen almost hissed as she didn’t let up and tried to stir him towards the bed.

“Lay down, Cullen,” she said sternly, not stopping her advance. “Help is coming!”

His hand closed around her neck, drawing her closer to him. “No,” he said again, and he sounded nearly delirious at his next words. “I just need to…” The pure look of helplessness on his face made her heart clench before another tug at her magic and at her neck at the same time nearly made Cassia stumble.

“I know.” Cassia tried to sound assuring as she kept trying to steer him in the right direction. Anything to keep him calm for now. “I’m not gonna leave you, just lie down first,” she bargained. “Lie down, and then you can take what you need, alright?”

Her last words seemed to pierce through the haze around him as he nodded almost desperately. And with that, his hold on her softened, allowing her to slip out of it as he let himself be led to the bed and pushed down.

“Just let me help you get comfortable, alright?” Cassia kept up her most soothing voice as she managed to pull off Cullen’s boots and tug the blankets aside from under him as she got him to relax back into the pillows. His eyes had fallen shut and the shaking was back. Carefully, Cassia drew a strand of his hair out of his face. Her relief about his compliance was short-lived as she looked at him now, seeing that in the short time it took them to get here, his condition had gotten so much worse already. 

Cullen’s eyes suddenly flew open again and before Cassia could react, his hand was back around her neck, pulling her closer until she was almost on top of him. Instinctively, she struggled, but even with his hands shaking, he held onto her with a surprising amount of strength. Briefly, she thought that she should perhaps call for help. Scream. Do anything to get someone to help her out of this. But then she saw his face in front of her again. Remembered how helpless he had looked at her as he told her he needed this.

Cassia swayed slightly as her magic was being drawn from her again, just as strong as it had been before. She could see the strain on Cullen’s face as he reached for magic again and again with a never before felt urgency. And this time, he didn’t stop. With the drains from before, it took only a few moments until Cassia noticed that her magic was almost completely depleted. 

Cullen’s eyes looked right through her as Cassia felt the tugging sensation slowly turn into something more painful and she tried again to pull back. Not that it would do her much good, she realized. Cullen didn’t need to actually touch her for the drain to work after all. But her thoughts started to get hazy in her struggles. 

“Cullen,” she tried to appeal to him again. “You need to stop!” But there was no reaction. She wasn’t even certain he could still hear her as she got slowly overwhelmed by the pain surging through her as the neverending drain clawed and grasped at something she no longer had until everything around her slowly faded away.

* * *

It hadn’t taken more than a few words describing what had happened to make Anders grab the ready bag he had with healing supplies for emergencies and hurry up through the tunnel again, but Adriene still felt like it took forever. The sickly greenish pallor and cold sweat on Cullen’s face, the dark shadows that made his eyes look nearly bruised, and the whole-body shaking she had been able to feel as they had more or less carried him upstairs were only too clear in front of her eyes.

“They’re upstairs,” she said as soon as they were inside, “in the guest room.”

Taking two steps at once, she called out, “Cassia? Cass, we’re back!”

There was no answer, and Adriene exchanged a worried look with Anders. The door to the guest room was still slightly ajar, and a low groan could be heard from behind. Without hesitation, Adriene pushed the door open, and a shocked gasp fell from her lips. 

“Cassia!” she exclaimed, panic in her voice.

Her sister was unconscious, slumped over and halfway on the bed, one arm still draped over Cullen who threw himself from one side to the next, choked sounds of pain drawing from his lips. His eyes were wide, hurrying through the room without finding a hold on anything. He looked even paler than before, his lips dry and cracked as he mumbled something incomprehensible.

At her exclamation, his eyes flickered towards them, something like recognition dawning in his face.

Adriene wanted to hurry towards Cassia, but just at that moment, Cullen’s eyes widened as he stared at them. It looked like he desperately tried to sit up, one hand reaching towards them. In the same second, Anders’ hand clamped down on Adriene’s arm in a hard, nearly painful clasp, holding her back.

 _“No!”_ Anders hissed in an echoing voice, a familiar white gleam in his eyes, and Adriene sucked in a sharp, shocked breath. What in Andraste’s name was going on?!

With a quick gesture, Anders shot a short, magical blast that knocked Cullen right back into the pillow where he sank to the side with a low, pained groan.

Before Adriene could even begin to fathom what was happening, Justice’s presence was gone with a blink, and Anders let go of her arm.

“He tried to drain me,” he explained in a clipped voice, already starting towards the bed. “He’s in withdrawal.”

“Withd— lyrium?!” Adriene gasped, and Anders nodded, setting his bag onto the bed.

“Get her off him, quickly,” he ordered, opening his bag and taking out a glowing vial with the telltale blue shine of lyrium inside.

Adriene was already at Cassia’s side, drawing her sister into her arms and to the soft carpet in front of the fireplace. “Cassia?” she asked desperately as she cradled her head in her arm and tenderly touched her face. “Cass, please, wake up?”

With a low flutter of her eyelids, Cassia let out a soft groan, and for a second, Adriene thought she would start to cry, so strong was the relief washing through her as she realized that her sister was already coming out of what looked like a faint.

At the bed, Anders gave Cullen a quick examination, taking his pulse and looking at his pupils, then he propped him up a bit more upright. Cullen’s head lolled to the side with a low moan, but Anders grabbed his chin in a strong grip.

“Alright, we’re going to do this now, slowly,” he said in a firm voice. “Don’t worry, Cullen, we got you. It’s going to be fine.”

Cullen’s eyes were still unfocused, but something in him seemed to react to the words. “A-Anders?” he drawled, and Anders nodded.

“Yes. I’m going to give you something now, and you’ll feel better in just a second.” With that, he took the lyrium and slowly, carefully administered it.

The effect was nearly instantaneous. Cullen’s eyes flew open and a sound that could have been vulgar were the situation not so dire fell from his lips.

“It’s all good, take it slow,” Anders murmured as he held Cullen while he finished the lyrium. The tremble in Cullen’s body stopped, and his shoulders sank down, looking like he relaxed for the first time in days, even though he still seemed completely exhausted.

In Adriene’s arms, Cassia stirred, and Adriene’s eyes flew back to her sister. “Cassia, are you alright?” she asked in a low, worried voice as she saw her blink and come to.

“What…” Cassia started, but as she tried to sit up, Anders called over, “No, please stay down for a moment, I want to check you out as well. I’m going to give you some lyrium, too, you have been severely drained.” 

With a soft sigh, Cassia let herself relax back into Adriene’s arms. Only gradually she started to make sense of her surroundings again. For a moment, she couldn’t even remember what had happened until it all came back to her. The drain, the accompanying pain, and the horribly empty look on Cullen’s face.

“Cullen,” she murmured quietly. Immediately, Adriene’s embrace tightened soothingly. 

“Shh, it’s all going to be alright, Anders is taking care of him,” her sister assured her, and Cassia felt tears of relief welling up. If Anders was here, Cullen was going to be fine. They were both going to be fine. Adriene kept her arms around Cassia in a warm embrace.

Quietly, she asked, “Do you remember what happened after I left?”

Cassia swallowed before she nodded. “I tried to get Cullen to lie down,” she said carefully, the haze around her head lifting bit by bit as she felt some of her strength slowly return. “But he was so out of it, I think he didn’t even realize where he was and who he was talking to.” Her voice was a little rough as she spoke. “And then the drain started.” A shiver went through her at the thought of just how hollow Cullen’s eyes had looked. “I tried to get him to stop, but I don’t think he could hear me. And when my magic was all gone, the pain was just too much, and the next thing I remember is you being here.”

“Shit,” Adriene murmured quietly. “Anders knocked Cullen half out when he tried to drain him too,” she said, her voice as quiet as Cassia’s had been. 

“He didn’t do it on purpose,” Cassia insisted immediately, trying to sit up again almost on instinct. “Cullen would never, and especially not towards Anders, and…”

“Relax, Cassia,” Adriene said softly, calming her sister down as she gently stopped her from getting up. “I know he wouldn’t, not consciously at least.” With worry still in her voice, she added, “What I was trying to say was that that must have been one fast and powerful drain if it caught you by surprise like this.”

The words made something in Cassia freeze as she realized that Adriene could not be more wrong about this. Yes, the drain had been powerful, but it hadn’t been a surprise. And it hadn’t been fast. Not at all. There had been numerous moments where Cassia could have tried to stop him. Done something similar to what Anders had done. Or where she could have called for help. Bodhan was most likely around somewhere and would have come to her aid immediately. Yet Cassia had done neither. On the contrary, she distinctly remembered making the choice to not call for help. She had been all but overwhelmed by the helpless look in his eyes and his insurance that he needed this from her that she hadn’t even cared about her own wellbeing at that point. Embarrassment and a slew of other, more complex emotions went through her as she cleared her throat.

“Yes,” Cassia said, looking towards the bed so Adriene was unable to look into her eyes as she couldn’t quite bring herself to tell the truth. “Completely caught by surprise.” 

Anders was suddenly next to her, a familiar looking vial in his hand. A lyrium potion he carefully uncorked.

“I know you normally simply wait this out, but I doubt you’ve been drained like this before,” Anders explained the need for the potion.

He was right, Cassia had definitely never felt like this before. Her arms and legs still hurt slightly, her muscles having strained themselves overly much as the pain had surged through her, and her hand was slightly shaky as she took the vial from Anders.

Cassia had never liked taking lyrium potions, but Anders had a point. With a sigh, she put the vial to her lips and took a first, careful sip. Immediately, she felt a sharp surge of magic flaring through her, and her fingertips got instantly so cold that they left a sheen of icy crystals on the vial. The first sip always was the most uncomfortable one for her, and Cassia took a deep, pained breath, trying to stay calm before she continued. 

“Andraste’s knickers, what in the Void was that?”

The soft exclamation from Anders took Cassia by surprise, and as she looked up, he was watching her with wide eyes. 

“The lyrium,” Cassia answered confused. “You told me to!”

Anders had reached for her free hand, staring at the build-up of ice still on her fingers. “That’s not supposed to happen,” he started before examining her hand closer.

“It’s not?” Adriene asked, exchanging a confused look with Cassia. Cassia’s magic surging up after lyrium potion was nothing new to either of them.

Anders shook his head. “No, and especially with her being so drained, this should be impossible.”

“Hold on,” Cassia managed to get out, her head still feeling slightly dizzy from the drain. “What do you mean this is not supposed to happen?” Feeling lost all of a sudden, she looked at Anders. “This is what lyrium does, isn’t it?” she asked. “The first few sips are always painful and messy, and then it starts to help!” This had always been her experience with lyrium potions. She had assumed that everyone else felt similar about them. That it was such a normal thing that no one felt the need to talk about it anymore.

“No,” Anders shook his head. “That is not how those potions are supposed to work.” He looked at her with worry in his eyes. “You said there is pain?”

Cassia nodded softly, her eyes flickering to Adriene when her sister made a worried sound at that. “Always at the start,” Cassia said. “When all the renewed magic just… cuts through you, you know?”

Floored, he shook his head. “No, I don’t know,” he said softly. “Cassia, this is not supposed to happen. Lyrium potions are not supposed to hurt you, or cause your magic to spill over like this.”

Cassia was trying to wrap her head around his words as a groan from the bed pulled her out of her thought. It also caught Anders’ attention immediately. 

“He needs to take more,” he explained briefly, already getting up. “I have only a limited supply when it comes to lyrium refined for templar use, we might need more given his condition.”

“We have a stash at home,” Cassia said, trying to sit up again. “If you give me a few moments, I can go and get it.”

Adriene helped her to sit up, but her hands remained on Cassia’s shoulder, gently holding her back from getting up even further.

“I don’t think you should try and go anywhere at the moment,” she admonished her sister. “Someone else can do that, you should…” With a worried look, she addressed Anders, hesitation in her voice. “Should she still take the rest of the lyrium? Even if it hurts her?”

“No,” he shook his head, taking the vial out of Cassia’s hand again. “I don’t know what this means yet, but I’d rather not risk anything.” 

As he went back to looking after Cullen, Adriene shifted until she was at Cassia’s side and could get a better look at her sister.

“This always happens to you when taking a lyrium potion? It always hurts?” she asked, looking at Cassia in concern. “You never said anything.”

“I thought it was normal,” Cassia said, not quite knowing what to think about all of this. “I mean, it restores your magic, so it made sense to me that it does that, you know?” It had always felt like a logical conclusion to her. Still, Cassia had never been one to take lyrium all that often. Only when it felt absolutely necessary. A situation that had been rare, and now that Cassia knew about her overabundance of magic, it wasn’t surprising to her that she felt the need for lyrium much less than other mages. 

“I remember telling Dad once,” Cassia added quietly. “When we were still teenagers. I told him that it felt like the lyrium potions turned me into ice, but he just said that that was nothing to worry about. That everyone agreed that it feels cold, you know?”

Adriene nodded. “Bethany also said it feels cold, but… pain? That’s something else.”

She helped Cassia get up slowly and brought her to a chair next to the bed so she could sit down. Cullen already looked much better even though he was still pale. The tremor of his hands and muscles had stopped, and he was no longer throwing himself from left to right in pain. Rather, he looked like he had fallen into an exhausted sleep. Anders gave them a quick smile when they came over.

“He is going to be back to normal in no time, Cassia, you’ll see. Sudden complete withdrawal is a shock on the body, but now that he’s had his dose, he’ll recover quickly.” He shook his head once. “As much as I hate to say it, but draining you probably helped a lot so that it didn’t get worse.”

Cassia frowned. “How so?”

“Well, the Chantry doesn’t like to hear it, but the lyrium for templars has a similar effect like the lyrium for mages — with the difference that our inherent magic prevents the harm it does on the body.” He was still keeping an eye on Cullen, his voice grim as he spoke. “Namely, the addiction in the beginning, and later, the destruction it wreaks. But the abilities it enhances are not unlike magic. And draining a mage of their magic has a similar effect on them like taking lyrium.” Anders gave Cassia a short nod. “With the amount of magic you have, it seems to have prevented the worse side effects, even though it couldn’t provide him with the addictive parts of the lyrium.”

Adriene exchanged a confused look with Cassia who had taken Cullen’s hand, holding it tightly between hers. “Wait, you say ‘the abilities it enhances’ — doesn’t lyrium give them their abilities?”

A grim smile that held no humor was on Anders’ face as he shook his head. “That’s what the Chantry wants them to believe, but no. Maybe there’s an affinity for it that not everyone has, but the lyrium is nothing more than a control rod.” He looked up. “Or how do you explain that the recruits learn their craft already before they are initiated? The lyrium comes only afterward.”

He focused back on Cassia. “And talking about lyrium, you’re not taking anything anymore until we know what caused the pain.”

Cassia nodded silently, still trying to wrap her head around all of it. Cullen stirred slightly next to her, and Cassia held his hand a little tighter in concern.

“You should probably stay here tonight, he doesn’t look like he will be up on his feet again that quickly,” Adriene said, and Anders immediately nodded in agreement.

“Yes, I think that would be best,” he said. “I will stay in my room here tonight as well, just in case.”

“In case of what?” Cassia’s voice was a little bit shaky as she looked at Cullen’s now much more relaxed face with worry. “You said he’d be feeling better soon…”

“He might still need some more lyrium,” Anders explained calmly. “And I meant it earlier, he is going to be alright, I promise.”

“If he needs more lyrium, we are going to have to get some,” Adriene remarked at that moment. “You said you had limited amounts.” When Anders gave her a nod, Adriene thought for a moment before smiling at Cassia. “I am going to run over to your place. I can pick up Maia and bring her here as well while I’ll pick up some more lyrium. You have enough at home, I assume?”

Cassia shot her a grateful look before she answered, “We do, it’s in a sideboard next to the work desk. The key is in the upper-left desk drawer.” Something as powerful as lyrium couldn’t just stand around openly after all. Especially not in a household with small, curious children.

“Desk drawer, sideboard, got it!” Adriene smiled at her once more before she was out of the door and on her way.

It was a relief knowing that Maia and Orana wouldn’t just worry, not knowing where Cassia had gone all of a sudden. Cassia was about to ask Anders some more questions about the lyrium when she felt Cullen stir, and this time his eyes were fluttering.

“Cullen?” she asked, holding his hand tighter as she looked at him in concern. With a soft groan, he opened his eyes. The relief she had felt earlier was nothing compared to now, as she saw that the eerie hollow look from before was completely gone. Instead, his eyes were clear, recognizing her the moment they saw her.

“Cassia,” Cullen breathed out before he saw Anders behind her and started to take in his surroundings. “Where are we, what happened?”

“I brought you to Adriene’s place, remember?” Cassia explained softly. “We wanted to get to Anders for your headache, but we didn’t make it that far.”

“You, my friend, are very lucky that Adriene immediately found me,” Anders added as he went to the other side of the bed to check Cullen over again. “You gave us quite the scare. Please don’t do that again.”

Cullen swallowed, looking from Cassia to Anders with confusion in his eyes. “I’m sorry?” he said carefully. His voice sounded still rough. “I didn’t mean to. I thought I could just sleep it off.”

Anders let out a small scoff. “Sleep it off,” he muttered under his breath before shaking his head. “Seriously, I can see why you tried this, but what were you thinking simply quitting the lyrium like that? Going from full doses to absolutely nothing could kill you!”

Cullen’s eyes widened at Anders’ stern words. “What?” he asked. As he tried to shift enough so he could sit up a bit straighter, Cassia helped him as best as she could. His movements were still a bit sluggish like he was moving in slow-motion, but together they managed. 

“How long were you already doing this?” Anders asked further. “Because you were in a very bad state, so bad that if you hadn’t drained Cassia in between, this could have been seriously dangerous for you.” He was checking Cullen’s pulse again while he was speaking. “When was your last full dose?”

Cullen frowned as he looked at Anders. “A couple of hours ago,” he said tensely. “In the late morning, close to noon.”

Anders’ frown mirrored Cullen’s. “You mean yesterday, right?”

Cullen’s eyes widened. “Was I out that long?” he said, sounding shocked.

Immediately, Cassia ran her hand soothingly up his arm as she came from the chair onto the bed to be closer to him. “No,” she assured him. “No, you weren’t, barely a half-hour.” She exchanged a worried look with Anders. “What’s the last thing you remember?”

Cullen shook his head slowly, his eyes getting a faraway look. “Coming home this afternoon,” he said, focusing back on Cassia. “We were on the couch, and then you said we should go to Anders. Everything afterwards is… blurry. I think Adriene was there, too?”

“That’s right,” Cassia nodded.

“And you are certain that you took your lyrium dose at noon, today?” Anders said, still frowning. “You didn’t skip it for some reason? Maybe you were interrupted?”

Cullen shook his head. “No. I’m definitely sure. I was not trying to stop taking it at all. I, uh…” He trailed off for a moment, thinking back. “I… was on duty since yesterday morning,” he said slowly. “And I remember that I started to get a headache last night. I slept for a few hours in between, but it didn’t go away. I was sure I was coming down with a cold or something.”

Anders sighed. “Let me guess. Muscle ache, cold sweat, nausea.”

Cullen nodded again.

“What about your doses yesterday, did you take them?” Anders asked sternly.

Cullen frowned. “Of course I did!” he insisted. “I know how quickly even one missed dose can affect people, so I am thorough.”

“He is,” Cassia confirmed in a soft voice.

Anders stood up, pacing a few steps before he turned back to Cullen.

“You were in full withdrawal when I came here. That does not happen in a few hours, not even overnight. Judging from your symptoms, you didn’t take lyrium for at least a day, maybe more. So please be absolutely honest with me here, for an overdose can kill you just as quickly as withdrawal — have you taken less lyrium than usual, did you skip doses, or have you tampered in any way with what you were taking?”

“I did not!” Cullen insisted, looking slightly shaken. 

A look of concentration was on his face as he thought back over the last few days again.

“I was late yesterday morning so I didn’t take my lyrium dose at home, but I know I took it as soon as I was in my office,” he explained in detail. “I have a second stash there for when I stay overnight. And later that day, the headaches started, and I took a nap and kept working afterward.” His hand clasped tightly around Cassia’s as he recalled the rest of it. “I remember not eating breakfast because my stomach didn’t feel right, but I definitely took another dose of lyrium before noon today. And they are portioned to my ration, each flask is always the same amount.”

Anders listened intensely, shaking his head slightly as Cullen finished. “This doesn’t make any sense, you were in such a bad state,” he murmured, trying to make some sense of what he heard. “Do you remember anything else from the time after you came home? How you felt?”

“It’s all a bit of a haze,” Cullen confessed. “I think you were talking to me, in this room,” he said, turning slightly towards Cassia. Suddenly, a shadow fell over his face as something gave him pause, and he drew in a sharp breath. “Wait, Anders, did you say I drained her?” he asked, sounding alarmed as he searched Cassia’s face. “Did I hurt you? Are you alright?”

Cassia swallowed briefly before she smiled at him. “I’m fine and definitely unharmed,” she assured him. “Please don’t worry.” Cullen didn’t look convinced, and Cassia wondered if he had noticed that she had carefully avoided to answer the question whether she had been hurt.

Anders had less qualms with directness. “When Adriene and I got here, we found her unconscious half on top of you,” he explained to Cullen. “She was completely drained. You tried to do the same with me almost instantly when we came in.”

A look of shock and pure dread was on Cullen’s face as he looked almost frantically back and forth between Cassia and Anders. “Maker,” he whispered. “I am so sorry!” 

There was a slight tension in Anders’ shoulders when he shrugged. “I doubt you even knew who was in front of you at that point,” he said plainly. “Nor that you could have helped yourself even if you had been of clearer mind. Not in the state you were in.”

In a way, Anders' explanation helped to settle at least some of Cassia’s worries. She had suspected as much when it happened, but Anders’ confirmation that Cullen definitely hadn’t been himself was more calming that she would have anticipated.

She held on to Cullen’s hand tightly as she looked at Anders. “So what do we do now?” she asked, hesitantly.

“Right now you should rest some more, both of you!” There was a sternness in Anders’ voice that left no room for argument. “I am going to go downstairs, wait for Adriene to be back with the lyrium, and I will see if I can find anything wrong with it.” With a look at Cullen, he added, “You might need to take some more in a while, but for now, more rest is what’s important.”

Anders stilled for a moment, busy in thought. He looked almost hesitant before he seemed to come to a decision and his eyes found Cassia’s. “Do you want to lie down in one of the other rooms? Maybe some quiet and some space would do you both good,” he said finally.

“No, I am going to stay here, with Cullen,” Cassia answered without hesitation. An uneasy feeling settled in her stomach as she realized what Anders’ question meant. What he was trying to do here. She could see that Anders was about to say something else, perhaps even repeat the offer or insist on her taking her rest somewhere else, and she resolutely shook her head. “I am fine, Anders, and you said Cullen will be too. So I am staying right where I am,” she said firmly. 

Anders gave her a long look before he finally nodded. “Alright, I’ll be right downstairs then, and I will check up on you both in a little while.” And with that, he left them alone, closing the door behind them. 

Refusing to let the sudden silence in the room turn into something awkward, Cassia shifted, slipping off her shoes before she got comfortable on the bed, leaning against Cullen. He had been silent for a while, and as she looked at him, the expression in his eyes nearly shattered her. Worry, and guilt, and something else Cassia couldn't quite name were all over him, and for a moment, Cassia thought she couldn’t breathe.

“Please don’t look at me like that,” she nearly whispered, and the confusion it brought to Cullen’s eyes only made it worse for a moment.

“Like what?” he asked, sounding more hesitant than she had ever heard him before.

Cassia swallowed, closing her eyes for a moment as she took in a deep breath. “Like I am this horribly battered woman that you feel sorry for,” she said calmly. “I am not. I am fine!”

“Cassia, I drained you so much you fell unconscious,” Cullen said, his voice rough. He moved slightly onto his side so he could look at her better. “Unconscious! I’ve seen mages being drained like that before, they were in agony and I did that to you!”

“It wasn’t your fault,” Cassia replied almost immediately. “You were not yourself, it wasn’t you!” Nothing that had happened earlier, not the refusal to listen to her begging him to stop nor the hollow eyes that had seen right through her had anything to do with the man she loved. Not even a little bit. It was the only thing she was certain of at the moment.

“But it was me,” Cullen said with a pained look in his eyes. And suddenly, Casia saw what else was in his eyes that she hadn’t quite been able to pinpoint before. Regret and most of all: pain. The thought of what had happened, of what he had done pained him to no end, and Cassia felt her stomach turn as she thought back to it. The only thought in her head being that she could have prevented this.

_‘That must have been one fast and powerful drain if it caught you by surprise like this.’_

It hadn’t surprised her. And it hadn’t been fast. Cassia knew she could easily have done the same thing Anders had done to stop him. So why in the Void hadn’t she? Instead of stopping him, she had not only let this happen, she had even given him the go ahead. And now he was looking at her like she had become the victim of some terrible crime he had committed. Something in her jaw twitched. She certainly wasn’t a victim. Not of anything. And he wasn’t responsible. She could have stopped this. The sentence ran through her mind over and over again. _She could have stopped this._

“I am fine,” Cassia said, a tad sharper than before. Her eyes caught his. “I am not damaged by this. It wasn’t your fault!” When he tried to say something again, Cassia decidedly inched closer to him until she could rest her head on his chest. “Cullen,” she said, the sharpness still lingering in her voice, “I said I’m fine. I meant it.” She let out a sigh. “Can we just… rest for now? Talk about this later?”

For a moment, it was quiet before Cullen let out a deep breath as well. “Alright,” he murmured, his arm snaking around her to make her position more comfortable. “Of course we can talk later.” It was probably meant to sound assuring, but something in his voice sounded as off as Cassia herself felt. But she was fine, she kept reminding herself. They would find out what had caused this, and then they would be fine too. Eventually.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

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	16. A Song In The Stillness

When Adriene came back home, Maia on her back and a bag filled with lyrium and a change of clothes for her sister’s family at her side, she was surprised to find Fenris waiting for her with Anders. A delighted, bright smile came onto her lips as she saw him.

The weeks since Fenris had killed Danarius, and she and Isabela had spent the night with him, had been better than anything she could have imagined. The first few days, she had barely left his side, drunk on his touches, on his kisses, on the look in his eyes when he told her, told  _ them _ of his love. Every time Adriene woke up with him at her side, his arm wrapped around her, a surge of happiness went through her.

He was still here. He hadn’t left.

With him at her side as well, there had barely been a night she had spent alone anymore. If Isabela wasn’t here, Fenris was. Once Isabela had realized that, she had happily started to plan a trip at sea.

“Now I no longer have to worry about you staying here alone while I court the ocean, seagull,” she had smiled, wedged in between them and playing with Adriene’s hair. “Now I know you’re taking care of each other.”

“We’ll still miss you,” Adriene had said, running her hand down over Isabela’s body while Fenris had murmured something affirmative against Bela’s skin between kisses on her shoulder.

“I should hope so,” Bela had only grinned.

But the difference was noticeable not only in private when the three of them were lost in each other. It was all the time. When they were with friends, when they were just walking over the marketplace or drinking in the Hanged Man, when he was speaking to Cassia or sparring with Cullen. It was not like Fenris had turned into a less private person overnight or was suddenly overly affectionate — but with the disappearance of the ever-present threat that had burdened him, he seemed to walk straighter and more lightly.

It was almost as if Fenris had finally given himself permission to enjoy life. Never before had she seen him laugh and smile so much — not only with herself and Isabela, but in general. Just like he had smiled at Anders before he had noticed her and Maia coming in.

“Fennis!” Maia exclaimed with joy, starting to kick her legs to get down from Adriene’s back.

With a chuckle, Adriene let her down and watched how Maia ran over into Fenris’ arms who caught her with a laugh.

“Hi, little one,” he smiled, but Maia wasn’t done. After Fenris had twirled her around, she reached for Anders in an unspoken demand that he should take her.

Anders laughed and scooped her up into his arms when Fenris put her down again. “I guess I’m still in the run for favorite uncle after all,” he said with a grin, booping his nose against Maia’s who giggled madly, her little hands deep in the feathers on his robe.

Adriene carefully put the bag on the table. “Just wait until she’s older and a bit more patient and wants to hear longer stories, then nobody will be able to compete with Varric,” she said.

A warm shiver ran over her skin as Fenris came over to her, his thumb caressing her cheek before he pulled her in for a quick welcome kiss, a warm press of his lips against hers that never stopped waking a tingle in her stomach.

“Varric is welcome to try,” Fenris said, humor in his voice. “I’m not giving up that position so easily.”

“How come you’re here?” Adriene asked, smiling up at him with bright eyes. She hadn’t expected to see him today. “Didn’t you have plans to play cards with Donnic, Varric, and Bela today?” It was why she had been prepared for a slow night in for once when Cassia and Cullen had stumbled in.

Fenris nodded, casually laying a hand on her waist as he held her close. “Yes, but Isabela caught a ride to Ostwick this afternoon and was sure she’d be able to duel the captain at some point for his ship, so we postponed until she’s back in a week or two.”

A sliver of disappointment went through Adriene at these words that she quickly pushed down. She knew how Isabela treasured these spontaneous adventures and that she had deliberately held herself back at the beginning of their relationship, so she didn’t begrudge her this. But the times when Bela left so suddenly she couldn’t say goodbye were still sometimes hard to bear, rare as they were.

Fenris saw her small pout, and leaned down until he could murmur into her ear, “She asked me to give you a very special goodbye from her. Later.” When he straightened again, a promise was in his eyes that immediately replaced the disappointment with excitement that not even the still-present worry about Cullen and Cassia could drown out.

Anders looked up from his deliberate occupation with Maia and snorted. “Isabela wants to  _ duel _ the captain?” he asked, raising one eyebrow suggestively. He had obviously given up trying to keep Maia from ripping feathers out of his robe and sat her down with a couple of them firmly clasped in her hand.

“Well. One way or the other,” Fenris shrugged, and Adriene laughed.

“I’m glad you’re here,” she smiled at him before she got more serious again. “Anders told you about what happened already?”

Fenris nodded and exchanged a look with Anders, a frown appearing on his brow. “He did. He just came down from bringing them something to eat.”

“Is that the lyrium?” Anders asked, coming over to them. Fenris let go of Adriene as he approached and mumbled something about catching Maia before she tumbled down the stairs she was about to climb from the sounds of it.

Adriene gave Fenris a grateful smile as he followed Maia out of the kitchen before she nodded at Anders and opened the bag to show him the dozen vials she had in there. “I brought the whole batch he had, just to be sure.”

“Good idea,” Anders nodded, taking one out and looking at it critically. “They look and sound normal,” he murmured, carefully uncorking the vial.

“Sound?” Adriene’s eyes widened slightly as she looked at Anders. “You mean, you can hear it, too? I always thought I was imagining it!”

Anders’ eyes flickered to her, but after the first surprise, his gaze softened. “I shouldn’t be surprised,” he murmured, then he nodded. “Yes. Most mages can hear the song of lyrium, although it varies greatly, depending on its state. Raw lyrium is so loud even most non-mages can hear it. Refined like this, it’s just…”

“… a hum at the back of your mind,” Adriene completed the sentence quietly, her eyes fixed on the vial. Shaking her head, she gave Anders a smile. “But only if I concentrate on it.”

Anders returned her smile. “Same.”

While he turned his attention back to the vial in his hands, Adriene looked at the stash in front of her. The low, blue glow was mesmerizing and beautiful, she had always thought so. There was a slight shimmer in it that she could lose herself in, and now that she had started to hear it, the song in the back of her mind got louder. It was a strange melody, wistful and yearning. She knew that she could never even try to reproduce it, but it plucked at her heart in a way she would have been hard-pressed to describe. It felt like a forgotten, beautiful memory of a beloved place, like the feeling left behind by a loving embrace that had to end, and for a second, Adriene forgot how to breathe as she tried to capture that feeling, give it form and words. 

A soft touch on her shoulder brought her back to reality with a sharp tug. 

Adriene blinked and she took a deep breath as she looked up at Anders. A soft smile was in the corner of his mouth. Still caught in the desperate longing of the melody, she found herself staring at his lips, the full curve of his lower lip, the dimple in his cheek from his smile, and her heart stumbled. It was not the first time the urge to kiss him had welled up in her, but somehow, it felt closer to the surface, a by-now familiar mix of sadness, unfulfilled feeling, and desire.

Suddenly, the hand on her shoulder tightened, and with sudden horror, Adriene realized that he had said something that her brain had forgotten to interpret for her while she had made a fool out of herself with a probably open display of emotion on her face.

“I’m sorry,” she stammered with a suddenly dry mouth and took a step backward. Her cheeks were burning uncomfortably. Anders’ hand fell down. “What did you say?”

A look of confusion and something she couldn’t quite identify was on his face as he searched her eyes. “I…” he started a bit belated, then shook his head as if to clear his mind. “I, uh, I said don’t lose yourself in it.”

“Right,” Adriene breathed, giving him a somewhat shaky smile. This was stupid. It was neither the time nor place for any of this, not while they had Cassia and Cullen to take care of, not while… not ever. Anders had more than once drawn clear boundaries, and it didn’t matter that her stupid heart had chosen to ignore them. She cleared her throat and made a vague gesture towards the vials. “I’ll let you work then. We’ll keep Maia occupied so you can check them in peace.”

She didn’t wait for his answer before she turned away and left the room.

Fenris looked up with a smile as Adriene joined him and Maia in the living room, but his smile wavered when he saw the look on her face.

“Are you alright?” he asked.

Adriene took a deep breath and nodded. “Yes, I’m alright. I, uh… I’ll tell you later.”

He frowned, worry in his eyes. “Did something happen?”

“No, no, don’t worry,” she assured him quickly, sitting down on his lap, and wrapped an arm around his shoulders. “I was just… I did something stupid and got embarrassed.”

“Ah.” Fenris had a knowing look on his face. “Did you flirt with him?” It was not the first time she was embarrassed because she thought she’d accidentally crossed a line.

Adriene avoided his eyes, concentrating on Maia who had dragged her basket with the wooden toys into the middle of the room and was about to turn it upside down. “Something like that,” she mumbled.

“Amata,” Fenris said softly, “you know Anders doesn’t mind being flirted with.”

“He does if it’s me,” Adriene murmured. Catching Fenris’ look, she insisted, “He does! He always gets uncomfortable as soon as I do anything that goes beyond being a friend.”

In the background, Maia had caused her toys to clatter all over the floor, and Adriene got up again to help her gather them back together. Then she brought down the box Maia loved to use as a stable for her wooden horses from the cabinet in the corner. Soon, her niece was babbling happily as she sorted her toys into it, and Adriene went back to Fenris, cuddling into his arm.

Fenris ran a soothing hand up and down her back, a thoughtful look on his eyes as he said, “It bothers you, doesn’t it? Anders not flirting back?”

Hesitantly, Adriene shook her head, and Fenris raised his eyebrow with an expression that clearly showed his doubt.

“It doesn’t,” Adriene repeated emphatically. “I mean, I’ve known for a long time already that he doesn’t like to flirt with me, so what bothers me is my inability to just… I don’t know.” She made an impatient gesture. “I just don’t understand why it’s so hard to… not do it. And I miss him.” She shrugged, looking wistfully to the gallery above where she knew his room was. When Anders had moved in, it had meant so much to her. Even if they didn’t spend the day together and just said ‘Good morning’ or ‘Good night’, the knowledge that he was there had made life so much brighter. Not to mention the times when she had — with his permission — snuck into his room when the nightmares had been especially bad, finding solace in his embrace. Even though nothing ever happened between them, it had brought her so much comfort. Since Anders had warded the house, the nightmares were nearly gone… but so was he. “He has barely been home these last months. He said he doesn’t want to intrude, but by now, it feels like we barely see each other.” With a sigh, she rubbed a hand over her forehead before she looked shyly at Fenris. “Is… is it bothering you?”

“Your flirting with Anders? Or the lack of flirting?” Fenris asked dryly.

“No, I mean… wait, what?”

He huffed a low laugh when he saw the expression in Adriene’s eyes. Putting a hand on her cheek, he drew her into a slow, sweet kiss that made her all but melt into his arms. When he pulled back, he shook his head.

“Your feelings for Anders don’t bother me,” Fenris said plainly. 

Adriene got a flustered look on her face at his words. He made it sound so straightforward, as if her feelings weren’t a confusing mess when it came to Anders. As if their relationship didn’t switch from incredible, warm closeness to a weird distance in a matter of seconds. As if her heart wasn’t torn between longing and rejection, with that strange, somewhat sad contentment at their friendship in between.

But Fenris wasn’t done yet. “Remember what I told you that first evening with Isabela? I’m not going to try and change you, feelings for others notwithstanding. I love  _ you. _ ” He tenderly ran his thumb over her cheek.

A bright smile came onto her lips at his words. “I love you, too,” she murmured. 

“I know,” Fenris smiled. “Which is why I’m going to tell you that I know for a fact that Anders is not bothered by your flirting.”

Adriene blinked in surprise. “Then why is he so uncomfortable with it?”

The smile in the corner of Fenris’ mouth got a wicked note as he said, “That, amata, is something you need to ask him yourself.”

“But—” she started with a note of protest to her voice, but before she could finish her sentence, the door opened and Anders came in. He paused for a nearly imperceptible moment as he saw them huddled together before he came over and sat down into an armchair.

“So what did you find?” Fenris asked when Adriene stubbornly kept her mouth shut when he raised an eyebrow at her.

“They’re all clean,” Anders said with a slow shake of his head. “Completely normal doses of lyrium, indistinguishable from the ones I gave him just earlier.”

Adriene sat up more upright at his words, shoving her muddled feelings aside for the moment. “So it wasn’t the lyrium?”

“Not this, at least,” he nodded before he was drawn from his chair again as Maia insisted on showing him her stable. While he was sitting next to the child and watched her bring the horses and chicken inside, he said, “At least we know he reacts to lyrium normally, so it’s not that he has suddenly developed an incompatibility. It has to be something from outside that caused this. We just have to find out what.”

“Talking about lyrium,” Adriene said, rigorously ignoring both the guarded look Anders gave her and the short stumble in her heart at the thought of what happened in the kitchen, “do you already have an idea what happened to Cassia? You said that her reaction was not normal.”

Fenris interjected with a frown and sudden worry in his voice, “Wait, what happened to Cassia? I thought only Cullen was affected.”

Adriene nodded as she turned to look at him. “It was only Cullen, but when Anders gave her lyrium to counteract the drain, her hands froze again. And she said that it hurt her.”

“What she said was that it  _ always _ hurt her,” Anders said quietly. “I can maybe explain an anomalous reaction after an experience like this, but from what she told us, that is her normal reaction to a lyrium potion.”

Adriene nodded. “It is,” she confirmed. “At least the reaction of her magic. I mean, it wasn’t often that she took lyrium at all. It’s not something you come across in a village like Lothering.” She shrugged. “You know it’s closely controlled by the Chantry anyway, but that far out, you don’t get smugglers either. Not that we could afford smugglers.” Anders gave her a thoughtful look, and she continued, “I remember that Dad had a tiny stash that he hoarded like a dragon — for emergencies, he said, and I only remember him going to Denerim to refill it once. Before Kirkwall, both Bethany and Cassia had lyrium maybe twice? Three times?” Adriene shrugged again. “What we had more of was lyrium dust, you know, for wards and stuff.”

There was something in Anders’ face that told her that he was thinking hard, trying to put the pieces together, but before he could say something, Maia suddenly scrambled up from where she was playing.

With an excited, “Mama!” she started towards the stairs. When they looked up, they saw Cassia carefully coming downstairs. A few wisps were flying around her, and immediately, Adriene got up and out of Fenris’ embrace to scoop Maia up. She knew that Cassia was scared to allow anything more but the most careful touches from Maia when her magic was this unsettled.

“Sunshine, go and show Mama your stable, will you?” she said with a soft smile to Maia before she put her down again and nudged her towards her toys. Babbling happily, Maia immediately began telling a barely understandable story about her toys while Cassia joined Adriene on the couch after greeting Fenris with a smile. Without thinking about it, Adriene took Cassia’s hands and started to carefully rub and massage them until some semblance of warmth came back to them.

“How are you doing?” Anders asked quietly.

Cassia shrugged. “Well, you can see for yourself,” she mumbled, raising her hands before she put them down into Adriene’s again and sighed. “There’s not much I can do in that state. And I’d rather not wake Cullen for… you know.”

“A drain,” Anders said grimly.

Cassia nodded, but Anders shook his head. “Honestly, after what happened today to both of you, I would recommend that you cease that practice completely for the time being,” he said.

“I figured,” Cassia said as she leaned slightly against Adriene. “We only did that very rarely lately anyway,” she added. “It became a lot less necessary since I don’t have to hide from Meredith all the time anymore.”

“But you still have these reactions every now and then?” Anders asked, looking like he was deliberating something while they spoke. “I mean, not just when you take a potion?”

“Every now and then,” Cassia said with a nod. “I was wondering if it was maybe a certain kind of magic use, because I noticed I have the issues every single time I renew the wards around our house. But it also happens every so often in certain other moments when I am definitely not casting a spell so that’s not it.” By now, Cassia had come up with many theories about the cause of it all, but nothing had felt right or held up under closer scrutiny. Every time she had thought she might have found a common thread through it all, something had not fit, unraveling one theory after the other until she was back at where she started.

“Certain other moments?” The question came from Adriene who looked up from their intertwined hands. “Are there other times where you noticed a pattern then?”

There was a small blush on Cassia’s face as she cleared her throat and tried to swallow down her embarrassment. “I noticed it happens particularly often when I’m with Cullen.” When Adriene raised a questioning eyebrow at her, Cassia felt her cheeks heat up. “You know,” she tried to explain. “When I’m  _ with _ Cullen?”

“Oh!” her sister said with a sudden grin on her face. “You mean we are back to you being very  _ emotional _ , huh? Broken tables and all.”

“You are the worst,” Cassia huffed, but there was no heat behind it. “I don’t mean something like that even,” she hurried to explain herself better. “Often it’s already enough that he kisses me, and I have been completely fine so far, but all of a sudden, it’s all cold hands and stray magic.”

“Sudden, like it was when you took the lyrium potion?” Anders asked, suddenly leaning forward and looking at her intently.

Cassia thought about it briefly before she nodded. “I guess. A bit at least. Not that extreme.”

Fenris gave Anders a curious look. “You have an idea of what it could be,” he stated. 

“I’ve seen this happen before,” Anders said with a slow nod. “Between you and Cullen, I mean.”

“You did?” came the curious question from Adriene.

“Back when we first were at Cullen’s place, when we were looking for Cassia,” Anders explained. “She was completely fine and in control of her magic, and then all of a sudden, she wasn’t. I was wondering back then already what could have caused that so quickly, but only now, after what I’ve seen earlier, I see the connection.”

“I still don’t see it,” Cassia said full of confusion. 

Anders shook his head in disbelief. “I can’t believe we never even thought about this,” he mumbled before fixing his eyes on Cassia. “You were fine, and then Cullen kissed you, and suddenly your hands were freezing. Do you remember what happened right before that?”

With a frown, Cassia thought back. “We were talking, Cullen offered to make coffee because we basically had just woken up, and when he came back, the thing with the magic happened,” she recalled. It had been years ago already, but that particular morning was still very clear on her mind.

“Exactly,” Anders agreed. “And what else was he probably doing while he was gone, besides making coffee, a templar, in the early morning?” 

Suddenly, everyone in the room seemed to understand just what he was getting at at the same moment. Fenris groaned in understanding, and both Cassia and Adriene’s eyes widened as they looked at each other. 

“Taking lyrium,” Cassia said, feeling almost stupid for a moment. Of course. Cullen was taking lyrium daily. And how often had she still noticed a hint of its taste on him? Frantically, her mind went through as many instances of her unsettled magic as she could remember. Working on potions with Anders, taking a lyrium potion, and having issues for the rest of the day. Warding her house. “There is lyrium dust in the ritual for the wards,” she added quietly.

“In quite a few potions we worked on together as well,” Anders said with a nod.

“I also had the magic problems when I was with you,” Cassia pointed out. Another thing she remembered well enough despite the years having passed. “You tasted like lyrium!”

With a quick, barely noticeable look at Adriene, Anders cleared his throat before he looked back at Cassia. “Well, yes, after a full day in the clinic, I most likely took a potion at some point.”

Cassia felt her heart beating faster. Could this really be it? Had they finally found the reason behind most of her troubles? Another thought came to her.

“I only had those issues rarely when we came to Kirkwall, but the first time it got really bad was down in the Deep Roads,” she remarked.

But Anders seemed to already have thoughts about that as well. “It could be that you always had a sensitivity towards lyrium. Your body has to deal with all that extra magic all the time, so maybe the bit of extra boost the lyrium gives you is somewhat of an overkill,” he explained his theory. “And even if you don’t see it, the Deep Roads are packed full of lyrium. It’s everywhere. It could have easily made the whole thing worse by the sheer mass of it.”

“But that is awesome!” Adriene exclaimed excitedly. Catching the others’ doubtful and confused looks, she quickly explained, “I mean, that we know the cause! So all you have to do is stop taking lyrium potions and wear gloves when you work with lyrium dust and you should be fine!” She beamed at Anders. “Right?”

Anders couldn’t help but smile back at her enthusiasm. “In theory, yes,” he nodded. “It’s probably still going to take some testing to see just how much exposure you can endure,” he told Cassia, “but it should definitely improve your issues considerably.”

“Oh, and one other thing,” Adriene interjected with sudden seriousness as she looked at Cassia, a gleam in her eyes. Cassia raised her eyebrows questioningly. “No more snogging Anders when he has taken a potion.”

Cassia chuckled, the same gleam coming into her eyes. “Why, are you jealous?” she asked cheekily.

“Just worried about your health, that’s all,” Adriene quickly answered, ignoring the heat coming to her cheeks and deliberately not looking at Anders.

“Mhm,” Cassia just made, raising an eyebrow.

“You should probably also refrain from licking Fenris,” Adriene added, looking at him. “Even if you’re missing out.”

A disbelieving snort came from Fenris. “You’ve been too long with Isabela, she’s rubbing off on you,” he grumbled with a shake of his head, and Adriene chuckled. Fenris looked at Cassia with a grin. “I think we can manage to keep our hands and tongues off each other, though, right, Cassia?”

“Maker’s balls,” Anders murmured with a disbelieving laugh, rubbing a hand over his chin.

“It’ll be a burden our friendship might never recover from, but it’s a sacrifice I’m willing to make,” Cassia agreed, amusement in her eyes.

Adriene looked back at Anders. “If we know it comes from lyrium, is there something we can do to undo its effects?” she asked.

After a moment of consideration, Anders slowly shook his head. “None that I can think of. Lyrium is special in its abilities to enhance magic and the connection to the Fade. I can’t think of anything that cuts it in a way that would help Cassia. Apart from…”

“A drain,” Cassia finished his sentence quietly when he trailed off meaningfully.

Anders nodded. “And as I said, I’d advise against that for a while. If only to let both of you recover from what happened.”

Cassia looked down at her hands at his words, and Adriene immediately perked up, worry in her eyes. She knew Cassia so well that she saw her try to avoid looking at anyone as what it was. There was something she did not want to talk about.

“Are you alright?” she asked softly.

Immediately, Cassia gave her a smile that Adriene knew was fake. “I am fine. Just… worried.” She looked back at Anders. “What does this mean for Cullen and me?” she asked quietly.

Adriene bit her lip and exchanged a worried look with Fenris. She hadn’t thought about it before, but with Cullen having to take lyrium regularly, that could indeed pose a serious problem.

With a tiny bit of hesitation that felt too long and heavy, Anders shook his head. “It doesn’t have to mean anything,” he said. When he saw Cassia’s face fall, he stood up and came over, taking Cassia’s hand in a soothing gesture, completely unbothered by her still cold fingers. “It might just mean that he has to be more careful not to take lyrium and be physically close to you right afterwards. But you tell me — is your magic acting up every time you’re with him or only sometimes?”

Cassia started to answer only to interrupt herself as she thought. After a long moment, her face brightened with careful hope. “It’s definitely not every time. Back when we first met, we, uhm…” Her cheeks burned as she looked at them, and Adriene grinned.

“Ah, yes. Had a long night if I remember correctly what you told me,” she said, and Cassia cleared her throat.

“Yes. Well. There were no problems at all with my magic.”

“Obviously,” Fenris mumbled. “Otherwise, we probably wouldn’t be here.”

Cassia nodded with a little shrug before she looked back at Anders. “But that was before the Deep Roads. Afterwards…” Again, she trailed off with a thoughtful look, then she shook her head. “No, definitely not all the time. There have been days when I didn’t have problems at all. Mostly when he was working long hours, but even when he came home, there was no incident.”

The smile that Anders gave her as he squeezed her fingers was encouraging. “So it’ll probably just be a certain timeframe that you’ll have to figure out. But that should do the trick.”

A surge of relief went through Cassia at that. In a way, it was almost a little surreal to think they might have finally found an actual answer to her problems. After so many years, she had felt mostly resigned to her current state of being, given up on anything ever changing substantially. 

She would have to talk to Cullen about this as soon as he felt better and they could figure out a way to minimize the effect that the lyrium he had to take would have on her. A pang of unease went through her at the thought that they would have to talk about more than that. 

She had felt his discomfort earlier already when she had asked him to just rest for now, and she was well aware that both his and her own apprehension would only grow, but the dread that welled up in her when she thought about having to explain why she had not done anything at all weighed much heavier somehow. She wasn’t sure just how to talk to him about something she had trouble explaining to herself.

Cassia tried to push the thoughts away, focusing on the more upbeat matter at hand.

“That should be doable,” she said with a slightly forced smile, hoping that no one around her would look too closely for now. Her mind kept circling around all the new information when she suddenly remembered something else. Ser Oswald and what he had said to her in the Chantry gardens that day he had cornered her.

“Anders,” she asked, the dread in her voice now clearly audible, “could I have caused all this?”

“What?” Anders gave her a curious look. “No, what makes you think that?”

Looking straight ahead, Cassia took a deep breath. “You said earlier that draining me probably helped, right? That the side effect would have been so much worse otherwise.”

“I did,” Anders nodded, “but I don’t see how—”

“Months ago, before the Qunari invasion, Ser Oswald told me that Cullen had been taking a lot less lyrium than usual,” Cassia interrupted him. Next to her, Adriene had shifted slightly at the mention of Ser Oswald, a tense look on her face. “It was one of the things that led him to find out about me. That was when Cullen had to drain me almost daily to make sure I wouldn’t be discovered by Meredith.” Cassia spoke with a lot more urgency all of a sudden. “I knew before that Cullen taking all my magic had a quite strong effect on him, but I didn’t know about the lyrium until Ser Oswald mentioned it. And it must have been a lot less than he usually took for it to be so noticeable.”

Anders' eyes widened slightly as he listened to Cassia. “Did anything like this happen back then as well? In a milder form perhaps?”

“Well, there was this one time,” Cassia suddenly remembered. “Also quite a while ago, but he did drain some of my magic when I got really upset once, and I thought he was just helping me calm down, you know?” She explained the incident she had almost forgotten about by now. “Turned out later that he didn’t do it consciously, but it was only just enough drain to help me keep my composure, nothing at all like this.”

“But unconsciously?” Adriene asked, sounding worried as she looked from Cassia to Anders. “That does sound similar, doesn’t it?”

“Hm,” Anders hummed in affirmation. “Sort of,” he said before looking at Cassia again. “But he didn't feel sick like this, right? Or had any other noticeable side effects?”

Cassia shook her head. “No, none at all. Especially during the time of the daily drains, he seemed absolutely fine, even when apparently taking much less lyrium…”

“I can only theorize,” Anders said, a look of concentration on his face. “But it might be that draining you that often was actually enough to satisfy the craving lyrium addiction causes.” 

Fenris let out a disbelieving snort. “You mean to say Cassia was like a less addictive lyrium replacement?” 

“Not quite,” Anders said with a shake of his head. “I mean, yes to the second part, but I am not at all sure if it is less addictive if I am honest.” He gave Cassia a long and thoughtful look. “I mean. Theoretically, there should be nothing in a drain that is physically addictive, but I’m afraid with the actual lyrium addiction all templars have, there is no way I could say that for sure.”

“Too bad,” it came from Fenris. Three pairs of eyes looked at him curiously before he shrugged. “If you could prove for certain that the drain is not addictive, you might have found a way towards curing lyrium addiction,” he said plainly. 

Cassia shook her head with a slight scoff. “Oh, the irony,” she murmured before looking back at the other three again. “Though I doubt this would be a feasible option for many people, even if Anders could somehow say for certain that it would work. Most mages do not enjoy being drained of the magic after all; in addition to not having all that extra magic lying around that I have.”

Adriene barely suppressed a shudder. “Also, can you imagine someone like Ser Oswald with that knowledge? He’d keep a mage on a leash at home, ready to serve his  _ every  _ need.”

“Maker,” Anders muttered, and Adriene exchanged a knowing, dark look with him as she nodded.

“I didn’t even think of that,” Fenris said with a frown. “But you’re right, of course.”

Cassia nodded, leaning against Adriene who had her arm around her sister. Anders gave her a long look. “Cassia, you look tired. I think you should rest,” he said warmly. “And I know you don’t want to hear it, but it would be better if you slept in a separate room after all.” When she started to protest, he held up a hand. “Not because I think something would happen, but Cullen is full of lyrium right now, and his body will still take a few hours to metabolize it. You should be fine to be with him in the morning, but right now, anything that upsets your magic is a strain on your body. Being completely drained is exhausting in itself, but with the added reaction to the lyrium, it could have effects I cannot predict.”

Adriene saw the way Cassia’s face fell, and she added softly, “I could bring Maia to your bed later when she had her dinner to sleep with you. Your magic should be back to normal by then.”

With a small sigh, Cassia nodded. If it really was the lyrium, then Anders was absolutely right, as much as she didn’t like the conclusion from that.

“Alright,” she agreed, getting up. Carefully, she walked over to where Maia was playing and kneeled down for a moment to place a kiss on her head. “Mama is going to go to sleep already, and you’ll stay with Adriene for dinner and can join me later, alright, lovely?” 

Maia laughed, saying a bunch of very important sounding nonsense before she was back to carefully rearranging her toys in a way that seemed to make complete sense to her. Cassia watched her for a little while longer before getting up again.

With a quick thanks and goodnight to the other three, Cassia went back upstairs. Briefly, she checked on Cullen again, opening the door slightly until she could see that he was still deeply asleep. He was lying on his side, his hand twitching slightly as if he was reaching for something. For someone. Cassia knew that he was instinctively reaching out for her, and with a heavy heart, she closed the door again and made her way to another one of Adriene’s guest rooms. 

She was used to sleeping alone every now and then with Cullen regularly having to stay in the Gallows overnight, but something felt different about the prospect this time. As she got comfortable, wrapping herself tightly into the heavy blankets, she knew one thing for sure - that despite her exhaustion, sleep would not come easy tonight.


	17. Spark A Fire With Your Words

Once Cassia went to bed, Fenris went to make dinner for them all, and Adriene settled onto the floor to keep Maia occupied. The child walked happily from her to Anders, demanding more feathers or showing him her toys before she ran back to her aunt. Even though he seemed happy to indulge Maia, Adriene sensed that something was wrong. There was something subdued in him, and every time their eyes met, he was quick to look away, a strange tension between them.

Eventually, she could no longer bear it.

“Anders,” she started, biting her lower lip. “I am sorry for earlier. I didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable.”

Anders let out a breath and forced a smile on his lips as he looked at her fully for the first time since they were alone. “Don’t worry about it,” he said. “I—”

“But I do,” Adriene quickly interjected. “I do worry about it.” She shrugged slightly, turning the wooden sheep in her hands around somewhat nervously without even noticing it. “You’re barely here anymore as it is. If you’re uncomfortable with me, you might be here even less, and I…” She took a deep breath, adding more quietly, “I don’t want that. It won’t happen again, I promise.”

For a moment, they were both silent. Eventually, Anders said softly, “I’m not uncomfortable with you, Adriene.”

“Are you sure?” she asked back, a nearly painful tugging in her heart as she looked at him.

His smile softened into something more honest that woke a spark of hope inside her as he nodded. “I’m sure. I just don’t want to intrude on your relationship with Isabela and Fenris, that’s why I’m trying to give you space. I know how it is in the beginning, when you can barely keep your hands off each other.”

Adriene gave him an unhappy look. “Are we so inappropriate when you’re around?”

After a tiny hesitation, Anders shook his head. “No,” he admitted.

A breath of relief left her. Even though he was right and it was sometimes hard to keep their hands from each other, they were all conscious of other people around them. And even though Isabela kept teasing her about it, Adriene tried to be considerate of others. She gave Anders an imploring look. “Then please believe me when I say that you’re not intruding on anything. This is your home as much as it is mine.” At his somewhat indulging smile, Adriene bristled. “I mean it! And if we ever are inappropriate while you’re home, you can tell us to fuck off.” That coaxed an honest chuckle from him, and Adriene smiled. “I really mean it.”

Anders shook his head with a smile. “I’ll keep it in mind,” he said.

“Good.” Adriene gave Maia her sheep back before she stood and held out a hand to Anders. “Can I hug you?” she asked a bit shyly.

Anders gave her a disbelieving look. “Since when do you have to ask if you can hug me?” he said with a frown.

Adriene shrugged, a slight flush on her face. Everyone in their circle of friends and family knew that she showed her affection with touches, with hugs, and generally being physically close to the people she loved. And normally, she didn’t have any problems with it — but right now, after what had happened earlier, she felt like she needed to ask for permission.

“I don’t know,” she said quietly, looking up at him when he got up, taking her hand with a shake of his head. “It felt like I should. Because I really don’t want to be someone you’re uncomfortable around.”

Anders let out a breath and unceremoniously pulled her into a close hug. “You’re really not,” he said softly against her hair. “Promise.”

“Good,” Adriene breathed, closing her eyes as she relaxed into his arms and held him close, deeply inhaling his smell, that familiar and wonderful mix of herbs, lyrium, and magic. She just reached up to his chin, his chest a perfect spot to place her head — were it not for the feathers that kept tickling her nose. Crinkling her nose, she rubbed the back of her hand over it with a discontent sound as she took a step back far too soon.

“What?” Anders gave her a questioning look.

“You need a new robe. Without feathers,” she stated, smoothing her hand over the dark, shimmering adornment. “Maia keeps plucking you anyway.”

Anders couldn’t quite suppress a chuckle even though he did his best to look offended. “You don’t like them? I think they’re fancy.”

“But they’re tickling my nose,” Adriene complained.

“She made me get rid of the spikes on my armor, too,” Fenris’ amused voice came suddenly from the kitchen door and they looked over. He shrugged as he walked towards them. “Better resign yourself to finding something else. Once she has decided on it, she’s getting Isabela on her side and then you’ve lost anyway.”

“Isabela doesn’t care what we’re wearing, she just wants all of us to wear less,” Anders huffed, and Fenris grinned.

Adriene chuckled. “Well, she has my support on that.” Then she bent down and picked Maia up. “Come on, sunshine, Fenris has made us dinner.”

The mood during their meal was far more relaxed than before, and once Adriene had made Maia ready for bed and brought her to Cassia, the three still spent a few hours with each other, sharing a bottle of wine. Anders told them about a few changes Alain had made to the clinic that had made things much smoother and provided him with more time, about how he enjoyed teaching Cassia healing magic. They had taken two more non-magical apprentices on top of the two who were already helping them. Adriene talked about the event she would have to attend in a few days, about how she and a few others were putting more pressure on Grand Cleric Elthina to support a new vote for a Viscount and how Elthina decidedly refused to, talking about how Meredith would only do what was best in the eyes of the Chantry.

When they finally went to bed themselves, it was close to midnight. Anders checked on both Cullen and Cassia before he went to his room, giving Fenris and Adriene a smile as they closed the door to her bedroom.

Fenris came up behind Adriene, his hands sliding around her waist to draw her flush against him as he started to kiss her neck. With a content sigh, she relaxed back against him, tilting her head to give him better access. He pulled the leather band from her ponytail and a satisfied low hum came from his chest as her hair cascaded over her back. He combed through it with his fingers, burying his nose into it before he swept it to the side and his mouth was back on her neck, teeth scraping over her pulse towards her ear.

“You didn’t ask him, did you?” Fenris asked in a low, deep voice.

Adriene opened her eyes again that she had closed in pleasure. “Ask who what? Anders?”

“Mhm,” Fenris mumbled against her skin, not stopping his caresses. “Ask him why he is uncomfortable with your flirting.” His hands started to open her belt and an excited shiver ran over her.

“No,” she confessed quietly. “But he did tell me he’s not uncomfortable with me in general, so that’s a plus, I guess.”

Fenris snorted, tightening his embrace. “You guess?”

Adriene shrugged, a smile in the corner of her lips. “Alright. A definite plus.”

Her belt fell to the ground, and Adriene moved to pull her tunic up, but Fenris caught her hands. “Let me,” he murmured, a rough note to his voice that reverberated upon her skin and deep inside her, heat blossoming in her belly. She took her hands down, keeping them at her sides while Fenris pulled her tunic up until he could find the skin beneath. Adriene was still pressed against him, but for the moment, he seemed content to just let his fingertips roam over her belly and sides, sending goosebumps over her skin.

“Close your eyes,” Fenris murmured against her ear before he took her earlobe between his teeth. Adriene sucked in a breath as she felt a tingle run from her ear down her neck and into her loins.

“The house is full of people,” she whispered and felt the soft huff of his laugh against her hair.

“I guess we have to be quiet then,” he said before he repeated, “Now close your eyes.”

His fingers were still tracing patterns over her belly beneath her tunic, and with a deep breath, Adriene did as he said, and closed her eyes. For a few more moments, Fenris just continued his soft touches, placing kisses along the side of her neck and down to her shoulder before he traced its curve back upwards towards her ear. Adriene’s breath deepened as she relaxed against him with a content hum.

“Tell me, amata,” his voice was suddenly back at her ear, “where would you want to have your flirting go once he returns it?”

Immediately, Adriene’s eyes flew open again, and she tensed in Fenris’ arms, a flutter she couldn’t quite place in her stomach. “What?” she croaked, moving in his arms to be able to look at Fenris.

“Shh,” he made. Loosening his embrace so she could turn and look into his face, he gave her a smile. “It’s just talk. We can stop whenever you want.”

For a moment, Adriene didn’t know what to say, thoughts racing through her head. Why did he want to know? What did he expect her to say? Was he upset about her feelings for Anders after all, did he think she wanted to replace him? A nervous, nearly fearful swirling was inside her as she looked at him. Fenris waited patiently until she found her voice.

“Fenris…” she started, licking her suddenly dry lips. “You… you know I’m not thinking of him when I’m with you, right? When I’m with you, I’m only with you.”

His eyes softened and he leaned forward to kiss her tenderly. “I know, amata,” he said soothingly. “This is not about me being jealous. And I’m not trying to make you do something you don’t want to do.”

Adriene let out a little breath, relaxing somewhat again. “Then… why do you want to know this?”

His smile got a wicked note to it and his hand came up to her neck, slightly tilting her head so he could press another kiss to her lips. It was more insistent this time, a firm touch of his lips against hers that showed no hesitation. A flicker of tongue coaxed her to open her mouth, and immediately, his fingers curled into her hair, tugging slightly as he deepened the kiss. Under his caresses, Adriene nearly forgot her question, but when he found her breathless, he murmured against her lips, “Because I love hearing you talk about the things you like and imagine.”

There was something in his eyes that only served to intensify the thrum of excitement in her. The knowledge that he took pleasure in her pleasure was stoking a searing fire inside her. So far, it had only ever been small moments between them. A question of whether he should continue a touch here, a demand by her for a certain move there. She knew how much he loved hearing it, and seeing his enthusiastic reaction to her words was enough to send a hot streak of lust down her spine. Taking it one step further shouldn’t be that different, right? And she trusted Fenris without a second thought. If it turned uncomfortable, they could stop at any time.

Still, there was a touch of nervousness inside her, but she found that the excitement outweighed it by far. “Alright,” she whispered, a hot blush spreading over her cheeks as her heart started to race.

Fenris’ smile widened and his eyes darkened as he saw it. “Only as long as you’re comfortable,” he promised again, and Adriene nodded, grateful for his care.

Taking a deep breath, she closed her eyes again.

She felt Fenris’ hand caressing her face, wiping a strand of hair behind her shoulder. Feeling the soft tingle of his breath against the corner of her mouth barely a fragment before he kissed her made her shiver in anticipation even before their lips met. He trailed a few kisses along her jaw to her ear where he started to talk again.

“You were in the kitchen,” he prompted her in that soft, dark voice that she felt all through her body, “Talking about the lyrium.”

Adriene nodded. “Yes,” she breathed, thinking back to that moment earlier. The dreamlike shimmer of the vials, the soft blue glow, and that melody scratching at the back of her mind, singing of something long lost. “We spoke about the song of the lyrium, and I lost myself listening to it.” Her words were very quiet, not much more than a whisper. Fenris had his hands back on her hips, just a careful hold without movement. “Anders…”

Adriene hesitated for a moment before she took heart. Fenris had asked for this, after all. And he was aware of all the tension and how torn she was when it came to Anders. She had no secrets from him.

“Anders laid his hand on my shoulder, and I looked up at him,” she continued. “He said something, but I couldn’t hear him. I was still caught in the melody, it was so… full of longing. There was a smile on his face, and I just… stared at his lips.”

She felt one hand leave her body, then a slight brush of a thumb against her lower lip that made her breath stutter before the hand came to her shoulder. Just like Anders’ had been. An excited shiver ran over Adriene as she realized that Fenris was trying to recreate the scene she painted for him with her words.

“You wanted to kiss him,” Fenris stated, still in that low voice.

It was the strangest feeling that ran through Adriene. She was very much aware that she was standing in her bedroom, in Fenris’ arms, but in front of her eyes was another scene completely. There, it was Anders standing before her. She could see the slight smile on his lips perfectly in her mind, that curving of his mouth that had resonated with the desperate longing inside her. It wove a surreal, warm atmosphere around her, and Adriene felt herself sinking deeper into it.

“Yes, I wanted nothing more than to kiss him,” she murmured, a hint of that earlier longing creeping into her voice.

Suddenly, that hint of breath against her lips was back, and instinctively, Adriene lifted herself towards it, but Fenris kept just out of reach. With a slight huff, Adriene sank back onto her heels. She just knew Fenris was smiling at her right now, but she kept her eyes closed.

“What do you think he’ll taste like?” came the question just a second later, nearly hypnotically soft.

Adriene swallowed, wetting her lips nearly unconsciously. “I don’t know, I…” She took a breath, trying to find the words around her imagination, then she continued, “Like… elfroot, but somehow warmer. A touch of lyrium, and… just… him.”

Another brush of lips against hers, and Adriene found it hard to keep from just throwing herself at Fenris, but with an effort of will, she kept still, despite the slight hitch in her breath.

“How will he kiss you when he finds you staring at him?” The grip on her hips and shoulder tightened somewhat, nudging her a bit closer. She could feel the heat from his body, but they were still not touching otherwise. “Where are his hands?”

Adriene’s eyelids fluttered as she pictured the scene in her head. It was easier than she would have thought it was. She could see it vividly, the way he would pull her against him, cradling her head with one hand, the other wrapped around her waist as he bowed down to kiss her, finding her warm and responsive.

Her voice was hoarse as she spoke. “I— on my neck.” Another shuddering breath as the hand from her shoulder wandered to her neck just as another brush of his mouth ghosted over her lips. “He’d pull me towards him with his other arm before he’d kiss me. No hesitation. Just… heat.”

It was as if her words had spoken the actions into being, and the next second, she found herself flush against him, one arm wrapped around her while the other hand tilted her just perfect for the kiss. It was searing and seemed to surge through her whole body; lips, tongue, and breath a vortex that drew her in, and a moan came from deep inside her that was swallowed by the kiss. Her arms had come up around his neck, one of her hands buried in his hair. It was shorter than Anders’, of course, but it didn’t matter — Fenris, the fantasy, it all blurred together.

Adriene found herself moving backward, and when his lips moved across her neck with a hoarse whisper, “What then?”, she found the words come more easily, coaxed out from the growing heat between them.

“We’d move, his hand on my ass, lips… yes, there, to… a table. Wall. I don’t care,” she breathed, biting down on her lip as she felt another moan bubble up inside her. She felt her knees meet her bed, and the hand on her ass tightened. “Table then,” she said.

“You’re not alone, people are next door, so you have to be quiet.”

Adriene’s head was swimming and she nodded. She knew exactly what Fenris was doing, weaving reality into fantasy, but Maker preserve her, she didn’t care. She could feel the arousal already in the warmth between her legs, and he hadn’t even touched her there. But the buildup of anticipation was enough to rile her up and she felt each movement of the breath of his voice against her skin like a touch. Another shiver ran over her, etching heat across her body, and she swallowed hard.

“You’re at the table,” Fenris prompted her. The rough tone of his voice would have been enough for her to know that he was also more than pleased by their little game, but the hard evidence of his erection pressing against her hips was a promise that made her sigh desperately.

“He’s still kissing my neck,” she murmured, and immediately, she felt lips on her skin again, nipping, kissing, a flicker of tongue soothing the sharp bite of his teeth, and she drew him even closer, biting back her little sounds of pleasure. “His knee between my legs,” she whispered, opening her thighs at the touch. “Hands beneath my tunic to find my breasts. Finally, I think, and I’m eager, I— oh,” she gasped as a hand unerringly found her breast. Her nipple was a hard pebble against his palm, sending a sharp streak of heat to her core as he teased it.

Without opening her eyes, she reached for Fenris, pulling at his shirt. “I pull him closer,” she murmured, a groan to her voice, “to feel him, and his other hand goes into my pants while I find him…” The words got lost as Fenris pressed his mouth onto hers, drinking the moan that fell from her throat as his other hand dipped into her pants to find the wet heat here. With one hand, Adriene held onto him as his fingers parted her folds to find her center of lust, teasing over it. But she had found her goal as well, and she could feel his groan vibrate against her when she drew the laces of his breeches open to free his erection and closed her hand around him.

For a few moments, she could do nothing but feel, unable to form her thoughts into coherent words as Fenris stroked the bundle of nerves nestled between her legs while she ran her fingers up and down his length.

“More,” he rumbled when he finally drew back from the desperate, breathless kiss. Instinctively, Adriene had opened her eyes to look at him with a hazy gaze, the look of utter desire on his face making her twitch against his hand. He met her eyes with a breathless smile. “Close your eyes,” he told her, and she still caught the look of satisfaction when she did as she was told. “What next. You’re still standing at the table. You’re…” he broke off with a barely held-back moan when her thumb rubbed over the tip of his cock, spreading the fluid there.

As soon as she had her eyes closed again, Adriene was back in the kitchen. The bed against her knees was a table, and the man before her, letting out those beautiful little moans at the way she was handling him, was Anders. She could see the way his amber eyes were clouded over, a look of pure desire on his face. In that fantasy, it didn’t matter whether he loved her as well or whether he just desired her, all that mattered was the tension and the release, and with a breathless voice, she brought that fantasy to life, every touch first coming from her lips and then onto her body. Adriene could see the smile in the corner of his lips as he lifted her slightly to sit her on the bed… table, whatever, and she pulled the shirt, robes off him and let her hands roam over his body and back down to his cock.

Drowning his moans at the curve of her shoulder, he pressed himself into her hands as she stroked him, his hips twitching against her with involuntary movements as she closed her fist around him. With slow, then ever faster movements, she made him buck against her, feeling the heat that erupted across his body against hers. It didn’t take long though until he stopped her, holding her wrist.

“You’re the worst,” Fenris muttered, when she let go of him with a sweet, teasing smile.

“And you love it,” she only smiled.

He shook his head with a low, throaty laugh that made her breathless. “Tell me what happens next.”

Adriene slowly let her tongue wander over her lips, delighting in the look Fenris gave her before she closed her eyes again, sinking back into her erotic tale. “He’s taking my shirt off,” she murmured, “so he can finally get his lips on my breasts.”

By now, the whole thing had completely taken on its own life. It no longer was a continuation of her moment of longing earlier, but a random fantasy. It didn’t matter, nor did it matter that the ‘table’ beneath her was soft like a mattress as she sank back onto it. She knew both from Isabela’s teasing tales and from watching Anders that like most men with an interest in women, he had a thing for breasts, so it was only too easy to imagine the look of desire and appreciation when he threw her shirt away, cupping one breast, then the other to lift it to his mouth.

His lips were sealed over her breast, slowly sucking one nipple into his mouth. The warm heat there made her arch into his touch, a sliver of sharp lust running through her as his teeth scraped over the sensitive skin.

“He’s… His hand down my… body… to peel my pants off…” she panted, lifting her hips to ease the slide of the fabric over her naked skin. “His lips following.”

Her voice trailed off into a husky moan that she hid by biting down into her lip as she felt his mouth trail down her body, tracing the shiver his hands had started with his lips. Adriene was no longer sure if she actually told him what to do or if his touches prompted her to form words around them, but when Fenris’ hands spread her wide and his tongue found her center, she couldn’t have cared if she wanted. An arm thrown over her mouth to keep the moans muffled, she curled her fingers into his hair as her world dissipated into heat and emotion. With every stroke of his tongue, the lust inside her belly curled more tightly, threatening to burst any second. Her breath came in short, hot bursts and a desperate whine fell from her lips when he suddenly let go of her, a cold shiver on the wetness between her legs at his sudden absence.

“Tell me,” Fenris demanded, the coarse gravel of his voice nearly enough to send her over the edge despite the empty space where his hands, his mouth should be. “What does he do next?”

Adriene blinked at him, grabbing his arms as she pulled him up to her. “He lifts my hips with one hand,” she groaned, and the hand was exactly where she wanted it, clasped firmly in the soft flesh of her ass. “He wants me so bad, just like I want him, and he moves against me, not in me, just… against.” She wrapped one arm around Fenris’ neck, no longer bothering with closing her eyes. Her hand was on his face, and she looked at him, transfixed by the expression of pure want in his eyes. With a tiny movement of her hips, she ground against him, making his lips fall open with a deep, throaty sigh as his length glided against her slick heat. “He tries to draw it out,” she whispered, letting her hand fall down to find him where he rubbed against her, just friction and promise. Her fingers closed tight around him. “But I don’t let him.”

She guided him to her entrance, and with another movement of her hips, the tip of his cock was breaching her. For a second, they both paused, hearts racing, and Adriene could feel the desperate intake of breath as Fenris tried to hold back. Her words were a shiver on his skin as she repeated hoarsely, “But I don’t let him.”

And with a swivel of her hips, she seated him deeper inside her, the hand on his neck drawing him down into an open-mouthed kiss. It broke the last of his resistance, and with a deep groan that vibrated against her tongue, he snapped his hips forward, sheathing himself fully inside her with one thrust. His hand fell down to her breast again, squeezing and massaging, as he held still deep inside her. The tug of his fingers on her nipple raced straight into her core and she clenched around him. Fenris threw his head back at the feeling, biting down on a low groan and rubbing his thumb over the stiff peak of her breast until she squirmed in his arms. Only then did his mouth find her lips again in a desperate kiss and he started to move inside her. Adriene clung to him, drinking his moans as he set a quick pace, and her whole world shrunk down to the two of them and the heat they shared. Her lips broke free from his mouth to suck in a shuddering breath, and Fenris hid his throaty groan in the curve of her neck, tasting her racing pulse.

Somewhere in the back of her mind, the need for silence was still present, and it made her hold back the sounds the feeling of his sharp thrusts elicited. It seemed to wound her up even tighter, every swallowed moan, every held-back sigh of pleasure tightening the coil inside her, and as his movements sped up, she soon found herself tensing in his arms, her nails scratching over his skin. The heat gathering in her belly built up, and as she felt him bite down onto her shoulder, it sent a sharp spark through her that made her tumble her over the edge. Burying her voice against his mouth in a desperate kiss, she came undone. As she quivered on his length as her climax washed through her, he seemed to let go of the rest of his composure, and the speed and strength of his thrusts got punishing. Adriene wrapped her arms even tighter around him as he stiffened and groaned, spilling himself inside her with a few erratic, desperate movements.

For the longest time, they just held each other as their breaths mingled and slowed down. Adriene felt him slip out of her and a moment later, Fenris freed her from his weight and lay down next to her. With a bit of shuffling, Fenris pulled the blanket from beneath them and over them both. Immediately, she turned into his embrace, placing languid kisses along his shoulder and jaw until she reached his lips. He smiled into her kiss, one hand softly caressing her hair.

“That was…” she started in a low voice, only to trail off, unable to find the words to describe the experience.

“Hm,” he hummed, content satisfaction in his voice. “You seemed to like it.”

“Oh, I did,” she hurried to assure him before she pushed herself up on one elbow to look down on him. “I just… That was new.” She smiled, still a bit overwhelmed. “But good. I never thought this would work so well. At first, I felt a bit silly, to be honest.”

Fenris chuckled. “You got the hang of it pretty quickly, though,” he murmured. “But I know what you mean. I wasn’t sure how well it would work either.”

“You certainly enjoyed it,” Adriene said slowly, trailing a finger over his ear. “Even though it wasn’t…” she stopped herself, biting down on her lip.

“Even though it wasn’t me in your head?” he asked bluntly.

She nodded. “Yes,” she confessed. A strange feeling was inside her at the thought. “At least not all the time.”

Fenris, however, seemed unbothered. “But it was still about us,” he said softly. “You talked to me, answered my questions, reacted to my touches. You made me a part of your fantasy.” He drew her in for a soft kiss. “I can’t think of much that is more intimate.”

Adriene nodded, snuggling back into his embrace, but despite the satisfied warmth and exhaustion spreading through her body, she couldn’t help her thoughts still circling. Fenris’ hand drew circles on her shoulder when he asked quietly, “What bothers you, amata?”

It took her awhile to answer. “I don’t want to hurt you,” she said eventually, and his hand stilled.

“Why would you think you’d hurt me?” His voice was careful, still soft.

“My… feelings for… Anders. Maybe for other people one day, who knows. If I ever had the chance to… act on them…” She trailed off. It was such a hypothetical scenario, but somehow, she felt the need to talk about it, especially now. This experience with him, her acting out a fantasy of another person was one thing, but actually being with someone else was something else entirely.

Fenris’ answer, however, was more simple and straightforward than she had anticipated. “You could,” he just said.

Adriene blinked, turning her head until she could look into his eyes. “Really?” she asked. “You would not feel rejected?”

A low chuckle vibrated in his chest and he pulled her closer to him. “Amata,” he said, “I think you have no idea how you look when you see me. Your smile, your eyes, your whole being light up every single time. It is the most beautiful sight, and my heart feels like it could burst every time I see it.” There was a slight gravel to his voice that sent a warm shiver down her back. Adriene knew he rarely spoke about his feelings in this way, and she held absolutely still, her own heart beating more quickly at his words. “And you always look at me like that. No matter if you’re with Isabela at the time, or with Anders. Or any other person. If there is one thing I never doubted, it’s the fact that you love me.” He bowed his head to kiss her softly. “Just like I love you,” he added softly.

A warm, tingling feeling of happiness washed through Adriene at his words, and for a moment, she thought she might cry.

“I loved you from afar and from within your arms, I loved you while you loved and were with Isabela, and while you fell for Anders. That does not change just because you might love someone else or be with someone else,” he added.

A bit overwhelmed, Adriene looked at him, wiping a hand over her eyes. “I don’t know how I ever deserved you,” she murmured. “And I promise, I’ll always leave you the same freedom you grant me.”

Again, their lips found each other for a long, languid kiss. As she settled back down into his embrace to go to sleep, Adriene added, “Now, there is just one last thing I have to figure out.”

“Which is?” Fenris asked, his voice already sleepy.

“How to look Anders into the eyes after tonight.”

Fenris chuckled and drew her closer. A wide, happy smile was on Adriene’s face as she closed her eyes and drifted off to sleep.


	18. The Sum Of Everything That Had Come Before

Anders had been right with his promise that Cullen would be feeling better quickly. After Adriene had come back, Anders had taken great care to examine the lyrium potions from Cassia and Cullen’s home, and after a considerable amount of time full of double-checks, he had found nothing wrong with them.

Maia had been downright excited to spend a night over at Adriene’s again, and after the turbulent afternoon, both the evening and the rest of the night had been nothing but calm. The morning found Cullen nearly completely restored to health again, the horrific side-effect of the withdrawal gone nearly as quickly as it had set in. 

But while it looked like everything was on the mend again from the outside, Cullen knew it was anything but. Anders had no idea yet what had caused this sudden episode, and Cullen was more than just a little uneasy about the thought that if they didn’t know the reason for this, it just might happen again anytime. The mere idea was absolutely terrifying. Anders had said that he had been lucky. That if it hadn't been for the drain and Cassia’s overabundance of magic, Cullen would have been much worse off. But he himself was much more concerned about what Cassia had experienced. 

She kept insisting that she was fine and that he shouldn’t worry, but he knew her too well to be fooled by the brave face she put on. Every time she said she was fine, it was like something inside him twisted in on itself. She might be able to fool the Knight-Commander with her perfectly placed words and her considerable acting skill, but all of her talents couldn’t disguise the fact to him that she was lying every time she uttered that sentence. She wasn’t fine. And she wasn’t willing to talk to him about it. He tried again, in the morning, after a full night of sleep and an opulent breakfast. But each time she shut him down with the same three words.

Perhaps she needed some time. Maybe even some distance, Cullen thought as he made his way up into the Gallows again. Anders had made him promise to take it lightly but agreed that he was fit enough to go to work like usual. It wouldn’t do Cullen any good to have anyone in the Gallows know what had happened the day before. 

On the way to his office, he ran into Ser Oswald who was accompanied by two of the newer recruits. Cullen had been ready to ignore the man as he usually did, but Ser Oswald seemed to want to make a decent impression in front of the newcomers as he greeted him politely.

“Knight-Captain,” Oswald said with a nod that would have almost looked friendly if Cullen didn’t know better. 

“Knight-Lieutenant,” he answered plainly. 

An insincere smile was on Oswald’s face. “Are you feeling better, Knight-Captain?” he asked. “When you left yesterday you looked a bit under the weather.”

Something about his tone didn’t sit right with Cullen, but he pushed it aside with the notion that nothing about this man sat right with him. “Just a light headache,” he said politely. “I am feeling much better after a night full of sleep.” With that and another nod, Cullen was ready to leave this conversation behind when Oswald spoke once more.

“Glad to hear it,” he said with a far too friendly undertone in his voice. “Oh, just so you know, the newest shipment of lyrium arrived just earlier this morning. Since you weren’t here yet, I’ve had someone drop your monthly contingent off at your office.”

It sounded perfectly normal, but Cullen couldn’t shake the feeling that something wasn’t quite as straightforward as it sounded. 

“Thank you,” he said simply. “I will be on my way then.” 

And with that, he left Ser Oswald behind. As he closed his office door behind him, his eyes fell onto the crate next to the wall. Just like Ser Oswald had announced, it was right there. The lyrium shipment. Nothing out of the ordinary. Ser Oswald and his recruits were in charge of distribution for the entire Gallows and had been for years. There was nothing unusual about the situation, and yet, it felt like there was something Cullen was missing.

For a moment, he just stood there, eyes fixed on the crate until he realized what had kept him thinking. The lyrium at his home. Anders had gone over the vials Adriene had brought from his home and had found nothing wrong with them. He had been so convinced that something was wrong with them in the first place that he had checked them over again in the morning just to be sure but still had found nothing. Nothing that could explain the things Cullen had experienced over the past two days. But now, standing here in his office, Cullen realized what they might have missed.

He hadn’t been taking the lyrium he had at home. He had taken the lyrium here in the Gallows. 

Following a hunch, he went to the cabinet where he stored the vials and carefully checked the lock. A moment later, he felt stupid for not having thought of this earlier, when Anders had asked him all these questions. There, visible only when he got unusually close to it, were scratches all over the lock that looked nothing like something the regular use of a key would cause.

Carefully, he opened the cabinet to check the even more pressing issue. A sigh of relief left him as he saw that the secret compartment at the back of it most definitely had not been disturbed. But someone had broken into it. And they hadn’t been after the documents hidden at the very back. Cullen was reasonably certain that he had just found whatever it was that had caused yesterday’s incident, but he had to make sure.

Work did not come easy to him on this day as he tried his best to get some things done until enough time had passed so he could reasonably be seen leaving the Gallows again. When he did, his pockets held vials of lyrium from both his cabinet and the new crate as he made his way from the harbor straight into Darktown instead of going home. If he was right about this, Anders would have some answers for him.

It was just his luck that the clinic seemed to be empty as he arrived. When Anders looked up from his workbench, he immediately gave him a worried look.

“Cullen, are you feeling worse again?” he asked, putting down the potion he had been working on. “I didn’t expect to see you again so soon.”

“I am feeling perfectly fine,” Cullen assured him. “There is something else. I might have found an explanation. Maybe.” Carefully, he took out the lyrium vials, holding them out to Anders. “I need you to check these for me.”

A bit confused, Anders took the vials and cleaned a bit of room on the table. “What’s different about those? I checked the stash at your home, and I’m sure they are perfectly normal.”

“Yes, but these are not from my home. They’re from the Gallows,” Cullen said quietly, and Anders’ gave him a sharp look.

“You think someone is trying to poison templars?” he asked.

Cullen slowly shook his head. “No. If there had been other incidents, I’d have had them on my table today.” He crossed his arms in front of his chest while Anders carefully opened one of the vials and poured the content into a little bowl to start his examination. “And I found evidence that someone broke into my cabinet.”

Anders paused in his work to look up at Cullen, a worried frown on his face. “You think it was an attack on you specifically,” he stated.

Cullen shrugged. “That’s what I’m trying to find out,” he said.

Anders nodded and turned back to the lyrium. It didn’t take him long to notice that something was odd. “That’s weird,” he said, the frown on his face deepening and stretched a hand out over the blue, gleaming liquid, concentrating while he let his magic seep into it. After just a moment, he stopped again and shook his head. “Is this…” For a second, he looked at the liquid and after just a short hesitation, he bluntly put a finger into it.

Next to him, Cullen sucked in a sharp breath. Lyrium, even refined, was dangerous, everyone knew this, and too much contact was to be avoided at all cost. If not handled correctly, it could be lethal — even more so to mages. But Anders looked completely unbothered as he put his finger into his mouth to lick it clean.

With a shake of his head, he looked down at the bowl. “That’s not lyrium. Or, not anymore. This is barely more than pretty water.” Looking back up at Cullen, he added, “Someone took great pains to draw all power out of this. I have no idea what kind of procedure could have this result, but it definitely no longer has the attributes of potent lyrium. Maybe leftovers from rune crafting?” Again, he shook his head. “And you’re saying that this is from your stash in the Gallows?”

“Yes,” Cullen answered slowly as he kept staring at the bowl and the other, still unopened vial. “One is from my cabinet, the other one from a fresh shipment that got left in my office this morning.”

“Well, then just let me make sure,” Anders murmured as he took the still unopened vial and poured a bit of it into another bowl. A couple of moments later, he shook his head. “Same thing, this looks like lyrium, and it certainly smells and even tastes like it, but it’s completely useless.” 

Cullen grit his teeth at the thought that his vague suspicion had just been confirmed. The expression on his face must have been clear to see, for Anders suddenly gave him a curious look.

“You have an idea who might be behind this?” Anders asked, and Cullen nodded gravely.

“A pretty good one,” he said with a sigh. “Ser Oswald is in charge of lyrium distribution for the entire Gallows.” Anders’ eyes widened as he immediately made the same connection Cullen had made.

“You think he would go this far?”

“I wouldn’t have thought so before, but with what you just told me…” Cullen shook his head, a frown on his face as he added, “I met him this morning, he was overly polite, inquiring after my health and pointing out that the new lyrium shipment had been placed in my office already. And something just didn’t feel right.” A sudden thought came to him. “Anders, what would have happened to me if Cassia hadn’t practically dragged me to Adriene’s and gotten your help? If I had just done what I planned to do and try to sleep it off?”

The shadow over Anders' face promised nothing good as the other man cleared his throat. “Most likely? As bad as your state was, you would have either fallen into a complete delirium, which could have killed you, or you would have noticed the craving you had was for lyrium and taken some of your stash at home.” With a dark look, he continued, “In your state, you would probably have heavily overdosed immediately, which again could have killed you.”

Cullen sucked in a sharp breath as he realised the full extent of what this all meant. This was no longer a disgruntled Knight-Lieutenant trying to get him to fall out of favour with Meredith. This was something else entirely.

“If he is willing to go that far…” Cullen murmured as he tried to wrap his head around this.

“Then the Gallows are even less safe than ever before,” Anders finished his sentence, and the dread settling in Cullen’s stomach was heavy and hard like a stone.

“If it hadn't been for Cassia, he might have succeeded.” A pang of guilt settled right next to the dread, threatening to overwhelm him for a moment as his mind could do nothing but think about just how Cassia had saved his life. And what he had done to her because of it. Feeling slightly nauseous, he sank down onto the next chair. 

“Anders, what do I do?” he asked, overwhelmed by his remorse and the pure fear of what all of this might mean. “If Oswald is willing to go this far, then Cassia is not safe in the Gallows, not even when working for Meredith, and now?” His eyes were full of pain at the mere thought of it. “Now, she is also no longer safe when she is with me.”

Anders frowned as he looked at Cullen. “What are you talking about? Why would she not be safe with you?”

For a moment, Cullen didn’t answer. A muscle was working in his jaw, and suddenly, Anders understood. His eyes widened. “Oh,” he said quietly.

“Yes,” Cullen just murmured, avoiding his eyes.

But Anders was already dragging a chair around the table so he could sit down directly in front of Cullen. “Alright, let’s get this out of the world directly,” he said bluntly. “What happened was not your fault, Cullen.”

“I drained my wife!” Cullen exclaimed in a rough voice that betrayed his emotions, looking up at him with burning eyes. “I drained her until she was unconscious, and I don’t even remember it! How is that not my fault?”

Taking a deep breath, Anders said calmly, “Yes, it happened. And it wasn't good, and yes, you definitely should talk about it, but it also wasn't your fault.”

Cullen shook his head, drawing his eyebrows together. “How can you say that? It—”

But Anders interrupted him with a sharp gesture before his friend could start to spiral even deeper into the guilt he obviously carried. “Cullen, I’m serious,” he said. “You heard Cassia, she doesn't blame you. And neither do I.”

Cullen just scoffed. “Doesn’t blame me…” he muttered, rubbing his eyes before he leaned back in his chair. “Well, maybe you  _ should  _ start blaming me.”

Anders sighed, shaking his head. “Now, that's just you trying to blame yourself. And who is that supposed to help? Hm?” he asked, raising his eyebrows.

Cullen didn’t answer, slowly shaking his head as he looked to the side. 

“Look,” Anders continued more calmly when Cullen didn’t say anything. He could still see the pain in the other man’s eyes and leaned forward to get his words across more pointedly. “Cullen, you cannot change what happened. All we can do is make sure it doesn't happen again — which we are doing right now — and then move on.”

Another scoff fell from Cullen’s lips. “That sounds a lot like making excuses,” he said darkly.

“Oh, I'm not trying to excuse this,” Anders said matter-of-factly. Cullen’s eyes snapped back to him, widening slightly as he saw the seriousness in Anders’ face. “What you did was not alright, and if you had done it intentionally, we'd be having a very different talk right now.” A hard note came to his voice as he added, “Believe me, the last group of templars that tried to do that to me intentionally could back me up on this — if I hadn't burned them all into a crisp, that is.” Cullen sucked in a sharp breath at these words, but Anders wasn’t done. “But the fact remains — you didn't do it intentionally. And that makes all the difference.”

Cullen was quiet for a moment, but he didn’t seem convinced. Anders took a deep breath and relaxed his fingers as he leaned back again. “Listen. Lyrium is addictive. You cannot help the craving, and you cannot help the effects it has. Neither can you help the withdrawal and what comes with it if you’re denied it. But you were  _ made  _ an addict. What we can do is—”

“Anders, I hurt Cassia!” Cullen’s voice cut sharply and full of anger and pain through Anders’ explanation. “I hurt her so much she lost consciousness. How can you excuse this with ‘but you didn’t mean to’? That is  _ not _ an excuse!”

“Do you blame Cassia for losing your child?” Anders asked very quietly. Cullen stopped short, his eyes wide as he stared at him. “Do you?” Anders insisted.

“Of course not!” Cullen nearly choked on the words that burst out of him. There wasn’t even a question. Never had been for him, not for a single moment. “But that is something completely different,” he insisted.

Anders wasn’t having any of it. “Is it, though?” he asked, giving Cullen an intense look. “You overheard our talk back then. You heard how much she was blaming herself. Told me pretty much the same things you just said, actually. That it didn’t matter that it was an accident because she still caused it. Any of this sound familiar?” 

The clear challenge in Anders’ eyes made Cullen pause. He had been ready to argue on principle alone. Because Anders couldn’t be right with this, could he? 

“Cullen,” Anders tried to get through to him again, “Think back to that time. Did you not do anything to convince Cassia that it wasn’t her fault and that you didn’t blame her for anything?”

Slowly, Cullen took in a deep breath before he nodded. He had done exactly that, and he had meant it with every fiber of his being.

A small smile was on Anders’ face as he asked almost gently, “Then why are you not believing her when she tells you the same thing?”

For a moment, he had no answer. What Anders said made perfect sense. And at the same time, what he said scared him to no end. Cullen knew he had done something that hurt the person he loved most in the entire world, and all of a sudden, he wasn’t sure what terrified him more, the idea that he was responsible or the thought of what it meant if he wasn’t.

“Because I am not sure that letting myself believe her might not just mean something worse,” he said with a rough voice. The mere thought of it unsettled him far too much to even try and keep his voice steady. “Because if it was my fault, at least I could try and do better next time. But if there was nothing I could have done to prevent it, then I was just…”  _ Helpless _ , his mind provided the end to that sentence snidely, and Cullen tried desperately to push the storm of emotions that followed on the heels of that word down again with all his might.

“My friend,” Anders said calmly, clasping Cullen’s hand and arm in a firm, soothing grip. “There will always be situations that are out of your control, and everything that is connected with lyrium is a part of it. But that does not mean we can’t do anything to prevent a repetition of what happened.”

He saw Cullen swallow a few times, hard, and his other hand came to his shoulder in a comforting gesture. “W-what can we do?” Cullen asked eventually, clearing his throat.

“We can get you off it,” Anders said simply. He had toyed with the thought ever since he had learned about Cullen’s reluctance to take over the position of Knight-Commander and of his dream of a life on a farm. A farm, however, was no place for a templar. So thinking about how he could enable Cullen to actually leave the templars had only been the next step.

“What? No!” Cullen immediately exclaimed, but Anders only tightened his grip, not taking his eyes off him to show him that he meant it.

“Not like this time. No sudden stops that overwhelm your body. But we could try to wean you off it. Slowly and controlled, lower dosages over a longer period of time, so your body and mind can get used to it.” Anders saw the hesitation and doubt in Cullen’s face and gave him a small smile. “Just think about it.”

Just thinking about it. He could do that. Maybe when things around them had calmed down a little bit more. When they finally went somewhere with their tries to remove Meredith from her position. If they were otherwise safe, then maybe he could allow himself to think about Anders' idea. Revisit it then. Slowly, he nodded.

“I will think about it,” he said softly. It seemed to be enough for Anders for now, for his friend gave him an encouraging smile.

“That’s all I am asking. And in the meantime, I can regularly check your lyrium supply, make sure that what you take is the real deal so we can at least make sure that this exact thing will not repeat itself.”

It was a small comfort, just a single specific thing they could try to prevent by doing this, but Cullen held on to it nonetheless. This was something that he knew how to do. Making a plan to minimize the risks by being as thorough as possible.

“Alright,” he agreed, already thinking of what he would have to take care of next. “I have some lyrium at home I can take for now, and I will have to see if I can circumvent Ser Oswald’s influence over the deliveries in the Gallows.” He had the evidence that someone tampered with the lyrium after all. It might just be enough to be able to make some justified changes to the whole distribution system. He wasn't certain how successful he would be, however, and most of all, how fast he could make that happen. “If that doesn’t work quickly enough, I might need to find an alternative source for it for now.”

Anders let out a small chuckle. “Well, since you are here as my friend and not as the Knight-Captain, I can tell you that I might know someone who knows someone, if you catch my drift.”

With a shrug, Cullen only said, “Good to know!” Somehow, he wasn’t at all surprised about that. It was almost most surprising just how unbothered he was by his friend almost casually admitting that he definitely was in contact with something akin to lyrium smugglers. Cullen couldn’t find it in him to even pretend to have an issue with that anymore.

“I better make my way home,” he said as he stood up. With a grateful smile, he clasped Anders’ arm again for a moment. “Thank you! For several things!”

“Don’t mention it,” Anders replied with a smile of his own. “What are friends for.”

A moment later, Cullen found himself on his way through the tunnel back up into Hightown. A little bit more at ease than he had been before, despite his head being full of new thoughts and possibilities. He couldn’t deny that the thought of going home and having the much-needed talk about all of this with Cassia filled him with a sense of nervousness, despite Anders’ assurances. Despite Cassia’s openness and her obvious fondness of all parts of him, even the ones that came with being a templar, there always had been certain things about their situation they had carefully navigated around. Never looked at too deeply. It hadn’t been necessary and why mess with something that was obviously working for both of them? The fact that either Cassia’s magic or his abilities could ever be an actual issue between them had been carefully avoided by both of them so far. And Cullen had no idea how he was supposed to start that conversation. But he knew they would have to.

He was still deep in thoughts when he exited the tunnel into the Amell basement and went up the stairs, only to bump straight into Adriene.

Quickly, Adriene grabbed Cullen’s arms to steady herself before she lost her balance. He had caught her completely unaware when she had turned the corner to the basement door.

“Oh, wow, I’m sorry!” she exclaimed, huffing a laugh. “Cullen, hey, what are you doing here?”

“Adriene,” Cullen smiled, but the smile barely reached his eyes. He seemed somewhat distracted.

Adriene took a step back and tilted her head. “Were you in the clinic? You’re not sick again, are you?” Worry seeped into her voice as she looked at him. But at least from the looks of it, he seemed fine. Nothing like the pallor or sickly dark circles under his eyes that had screamed of sickness. It was nearly shocking to see that he was back to normal so quickly after the appearance yesterday.

“No, don’t worry,” Cullen assured her. “I just asked Anders to check my lyrium from the Gallows as well.”

“Oh, good idea,” she nodded. “The vials from home were good, right?”

He nodded. “Turns out, the lyrium from the Gallows wasn’t,” he said darkly.

The last remnant of her smile disappeared from Adriene’s face. “Oh Blight,” she breathed. “What now?”

“Now?” Cullen sighed. “Now I’ll have to try and see if I can swing this in a way that ends with a demotion for Ser Oswald at least.”

At the mention of his name, Adriene’s eyes narrowed. “You think he was behind that?”

“I am reasonably certain,” Cullen confirmed her suspicion. “And from what I’ve learned from Anders about what could have happened, Ser Oswald seems to be done trying to play this out carefully.” He gave her a brief summary of what Anders had explained to him about the side-effects of the withdrawal and what would have happened if Cassia hadn’t been there, reacting the way she did.

“Shit!” Adriene let out a heavy sigh as he finished. “He actually straight up tried to kill you.” There was a hard line around her mouth as she looked at him with a burning fire in her eyes. “Should have let me kill him back then, after Cass and I got arrested,” she said darkly. 

“Believe me, not a week goes by where I don’t wish that would have been a feasible option,” Cullen murmured. “But before you offer again, you shouldn’t. As much as it would make me sleep better, you are already the templar’s most despised enemy.”

“Nothing to lose then, right?” Adriene said with a careless shrug.

Cullen gave her a long look. “Do not tempt me, I am weary enough after all of this that I am ready to ignore any good sense I have left at any moment now,” he said with a sigh, running his fingers through his hair in a bout of restlessness. “You and Cassia have that in common, you know? This uncanny ability to make me want to ignore reason.”

But in this specific case, they could lose so much more than they would gain, and Cullen knew that Adriene was fully aware of it too. She was the Champion that stood against the bastion of the Knight-Commander and what was basically a small army under her command. If she wanted to keep her position, she had to be above even the slightest bit of suspicion and Meredith would not hesitate to use every weapon at her disposal to get rid of her. The sudden death of a high-ranking templar would be something the Knight-Commander would try to pin on Adriene regardless of evidence.

“It’s a gift,” Adriene said dryly, and Cullen actually let out a small chuckle at that.

“I will have to think of something to make sure Cassia is somewhat safe when she goes to the Gallows though,” he added. “If Ser Oswald gets this brazen, who knows what kind of danger she could be in.”

Adriene let out a breath, then took his arm. “Come on, let’s sit down for this instead of just standing in the open door.”

As they walked to the kitchen, Adriene wracked her brain for some kind of solution… but no matter how she turned the whole thing around in her head, she couldn’t figure out a way that would ensure Cassia to be safe despite Oswald’s presence in the Gallows. And Oswald was just the boldest of the templars that had no issue with hurting mages. If Cullen’s status was no longer protection enough — what did they have left?

Bodhan and Sandal looked up as they came in. “I thought you wanted to go to see Anders,” Bodhan exclaimed in surprise. “I don’t have anything prepared for guests, I am sorry. Give me just a moment, and I—”

“No need, Bodhan,” Cullen immediately said with a soothing gesture. “I didn’t plan to stay long.”

“It’s all good,” Adriene nodded as well. “I know you were on your way to the market, I can find my way around our kitchen to get us something to drink.” She gave Sandal a wink who smiled broadly.

“Are you sure, La— Adriene?” Bodhan hastily corrected himself when he caught her look. She nodded emphatically, and he sighed. “Very well then.” Turning to Sandal, he said, “Come on, my boy, let’s go.”

A few minutes later, they were alone and settled at the table, and Adriene put on a kettle for some tea. “Can we… I don’t know, pretend she’s sick? To keep her away from the Gallows for a time?” she eventually asked. “I mean, at least until we’re leaving for Chateau Haine?”

“Right, Chateau Haine,” Cullen said slowly. “I nearly forgot about this over everything.”

Adriene gave him a little smile. “As little as I wanted to go originally, now I couldn’t look forward to it more. Despite the Orlesian host. The knowledge alone that we’ll be outside of this Maker-forsaken city for a month or so is music to my ears.”

Adriene definitely had a point. So far, Cullen had mostly seen that trip as a source for concern. They would be leaving Kirkwall behind with no idea what was happening in their absence, but after these last few days, Cullen was definitely seeing the upside. A few weeks of not having to look over their shoulder nonstop seemed like nothing but a blessing now.

“The traveling in this weather might be very uncomfortable though,” he couldn't help but note. Adriene’s absolute dislike for anything even remotely cold was something she never failed to share loudly after all.

But Adriene just grinned for a moment as she said, “I know! And I am still looking forward to it. If that doesn’t tell you anything…”

With a small huff, Cullen nodded in agreement before he went back to Adriene’s original thought. 

“I am not sure if Cassia can simply play at being sick. Or that she would even want to,” he said slowly. “Being cooped up at home and unable to leave to keep the story going could be something she would have a hard time dealing with.” He knew Cassia. Inactivity in a time as tense as this would be the exact opposite of what she would want. “And I am afraid I am not very good at talking her out of taking risks,” he added.

Adriene scrunched up her nose with an affirmative grunt before she got up to get the kettle for their tea. “Nobody is good at that,” she mumbled, exchanging a telling look and a grin with Cullen. When she came back to the table, putting a steaming cup in front of either of them, she said thoughtfully, “Alright, if we cannot get Cassia out of the Gallows by hiding her away, what’s left? Possibility one, we go through Meredith, try to convince her that Cassia… I don’t know. Needs to host afternoon teas for the nobles or prepare more dinners, anything that would keep her working outside the Gallows.”

Cullen didn’t look convinced. “The Knight-Commander is very thorough in…” He broke off with a low groan. “Bullshit,” he mumbled, shaking his head. “She just likes to have her very personal mage representative reporting personally to her as often as possible, so she can make sure her leash is still tight.”

Adriene had her hands closed around her cup and looked at him with an unhappy expression. The longer this whole thing lasted, the worse their original idea seemed in her eyes. It had prevented Cassia from being made Tranquil, that much was a good thing, but it had propelled her so deep into the Gallows’ clutches that there was barely any room to navigate a battlefield that was hard to navigate even without those restraints. But there was nothing for it now, they didn’t have any choice but to try and work with the situation.

“Well, if we can’t go through Cassia or Meredith, then maybe we can leash Oswald? Can’t you give him an order that takes him out of Kirkwall for a while?” An idea came to her and she perked up. “Maybe we can forge something with Anders’ help, some clue for a… I don’t know, lyrium smuggler base or a blood mage nest or something that is a few days outside of town? Send him to check out the Vimmarck Chasm maybe?”

“That could work,” Cullen agreed, already running through several possibilities in his head. “And even if he realizes that it was a wild goose chase, it would probably look like I am just being very petty towards him and nothing more.”

“It’s not really how I would get back at someone for trying to kill me,” Adriene said with a small grin, and Cullen let out an amused huff.

“I think we’ve established that we both would like your way more, but it is what it is, and if all I can do right now is make his life more inconvenient while making ours easier, I’ll take it.” Something else came to him as he finished his tea and put the cup back down. “It might also make it easier to sort out the issue with the lyrium supply if Oswald would be gone for a little while.” A dark look fell over his face. “Keeping Cassia safe also means I have to make absolutely sure that what I did yesterday never happens again.”

“Mhm,” Adriene hummed affirmatively, a thoughtful look on her face as she watched him. There was something in his eyes that made her perk up. When he didn’t elaborate, though, she said, “Well, can you have one of the mages check your supply regularly? I’m sure Orsino can find someone trustworthy for that.”

“Anders already offered to do that,” Cullen said, but Adriene’s idea had merit. “Though it would probably be easier to have someone in the Gallows have an eye on it as well.” It would be the first thing on his list of things to do in the Gallows tomorrow. “For now, I will only take the lyrium at home that Anders has already checked,” he added. “It should last me a week at least, which is hopefully enough to sort this out.” It would have to be. There was no alternative after all.

Still feeling uneasy, he looked at Adriene. “I haven’t even thanked you for your help yesterday,” he murmured. “For both, helping me and taking care of Cassia after I…” He trailed off for a moment before shaking his head. “Thank you!”

“Hey,” Adriene said in a soft voice as she saw the unease in his eyes and reached out her hand to place it onto his. “You’re not still bothered by what happened, are you? You were sick, you realize that, right?”

“Anders said much the same,” Cullen said softly. “And I know he is right in a way, but…” He sighed, looking at the empty cup in his hands for a moment as if he was hoping to find some sort of answer hidden at the bottom of it. “Knowing this and feeling it are two very different things, you know?” Cullen paused briefly, uncertain if he should voice out loud what truly worried him, but Adriene’s eyes were kind, and she looked at him full of understanding. Very quietly, he added, “Somehow, knowing that I wasn’t in control of myself when I hurt Cassia makes everything worse.” The deep breath he took in turned into a dry scoff. “I guess you were right when you called me control freak once, huh?” he said, shakily trying to make light of the situation.

Adriene looked at Cullen full of sympathy. She only wished she didn’t understand him so well. “Listen, Cullen,” she said, “that has nothing to do with you being a control freak. Which you are, you know,” she added, matching his lighter tone for a moment. Then her fingers tightened around his, and she got serious again. “But that  _ is  _ a terrifying thing to have happened, and I totally get that you’re upset about it. I would be too.”

Adriene didn’t even want to try and imagine how her losing control and physically hurting her loved ones without knowing what she did might look like. The thought alone was horrifying. “Being upset about it, even haunted, is one thing, though. Feeling guilty is quite another. One is justified, the other just adds to a situation that is already complicated enough.”

“Easier said than done,” Cullen muttered.

“I know,” Adriene said with a soft scoff. “Believe me, I feel guilty all the time.” She stood and walked around the table to unceremoniously draw him into a hug.

“Did you talk to Cassia about it already?” she asked when she let go of him.

Cullen was almost reluctant to let go for a moment. Both Adriene’s understanding and her embrace were surprisingly soothing, but he nodded at her question.

“I tried last night and again this morning, but it was difficult,” he said. “I am trying to figure out where the worry stops and the guilt starts. It’s all muddled together somehow. And Cassia says she is fine, but I know there is something more to it. I  _ know  _ her.” If Cullen pushed his own guilt away he could maybe believe her that she didn’t blame him for anything, but he could still sense that there was something else that was wrong. “She is not fine, but she doesn’t want to talk about it. At least not at the moment, or to me, and I don’t know how to handle that.”

“Maybe you both need a bit of time,” Adriene suggested. “I can only imagine it’s difficult to work through for her as well.” After a moment, she added, “If you want to, I can try to talk to her.”

“Maybe that would help her,” Cullen agreed. “Perhaps she needs someone to talk to that isn’t me, that wasn't involved in this.” The thought that Cassia might need someone else because Cullen himself was part of the problem made the guilt return almost instantly. Even more so at the thought that he wasn’t even sure what exactly had happened.

“Of course,” Adriene said quietly. “I’ll try it.”

“You know, I’ve been in this situation before, back in Ferelden,” he said plainly, starting without really looking at anything for a moment as his mind went back to a place filled with horrors and demons and death. “Not exactly the same, I wasn’t made to hurt anyone, but my mind wasn’t my own for a while, and it changed me. Followed me for a long time as well.” With a sigh, he looked at Adriene again, his fingers raking nervously through his hair. “And now something similar happened, and I don’t even know what exactly I did. Something happened in the time that we were alone, and I am all but certain that it’s the reason Cassia doesn’t want to talk, but  _ I don’t know… _ ” 

_ Shit. _ For a second, Adriene felt bad for not having drawn that connection earlier. Of course he would see a parallel between those situations. She only had a vague idea what exactly had been done to him back then, but not knowing what happened around you, having no control over your body, and then waking up to something else completely… She could see how he felt thrown back.

And with Cassia not telling him what bothered her, the whole thing only got loaded with more unknowns. “Maker, Cullen, I am so sorry,” she murmured, hugging him again. “I wish I could say something that would make it better, but… I don’t know if there is.”

“Thank you anyway,” Cullen said when they parted.

Adriene nodded with a little smile. “You know, at first, I thought that being controlled by a demon or by lyrium are very different things, but maybe they’re not so different after all,” she said thoughtfully. “Remember what you told me back when Maia was born and you were late for your dose? The leash beckons, something like that.” With a little scoff, she shook her head. “I’ve only ever seen templars as the perpetrators — with exceptions of course,” she added with a nod to him, “but in a way, the Chantry holds you templars prisoners as well with that stuff.” 

“I never saw it quite like that,” Cullen said quietly, “but over the past few years, my views on many things have changed rather drastically, and now it feels like you might be right.” 

As Adriene sat back down, she refilled his tea, and Cullen shot her a grateful look. He closed his eyes for a moment as he took a sip, concentrating on the feeling of warmth running through him as he swallowed before he put the cup back down.

“It is different though,” he said suddenly, looking at the swirling tea in front of him. “The lyrium and the demons, I mean. In a way, the lyrium is both better and worse at the same time.”

When he looked up, Adriene looked at him questioningly. “How so?”

“Easier because for the most part, the lyrium doesn’t impact me. I have to take it, but it doesn’t actively control me,” he explained. “And yet worse because its hold is so strong that I don’t even remember what I did.” His voice was full of urgency all of a sudden as he tried to make Adriene understand just what had him so on edge. “I know exactly how long it takes to drain Cassia of her magic, even when we were in a hurry, it took some time. Several minutes at least. What if I did something else, something worse?” 

With a deep sigh, he leaned back before he quietly said, “It was different with the demons and the magic.” 

Except for Cassia, he had never told anyone he had met since he came to Kirkwall about what had happened in Ferelden, yet somehow, it felt almost natural now to explain it to Adriene.

“When I was stationed in Kinloch Hold, the tower was overrun during the Blight,” he started, and once the first words were out, the rest followed almost without thought. About how the fighting had broken out, the days of barricading against both blood mages and demons, how he and his comrades had gotten trapped, and how slowly, one by one, they had been tortured to death until he had been the only one left. About the torture and the illusions that had caused him to lose track of time for days on end, and finally, the end of it all, brought forth by the two Wardens.

“In a way, I was the lucky one,” he said tonelessly. “I survived when everyone around me died, but at the same time…” Cullen trailed off for a moment, again focusing on the tea in his cup, letting the slight movements of the liquid calm his mind before he continued. “I wasn't in control of anything back then. For days on end, but I remember every single thing that happened during that time. And even though the memories are nothing but painful and horrific, at least I know what happened and what I did.”

Adriene had listened wordlessly and full of horror to his story, tears in her eyes at the torture he had endured. She had known the gist of it already, but never the details, and her heart went out to him.

“And yet, sometimes, it doesn’t feel like being the lucky one,” Adriene said softly.

Cullen let out a deep breath, looking up to meet her eyes for the first time in minutes. “It does now,” he said with a tiny smile. “I have Cassia, I have Maia, I have all of you… But you’re right. It didn’t always feel like it.”

Adriene nodded in understanding. She knew those moments only too well. Those moments where it felt like everyone but yourself got the easy way out while you had to endure and live. It had been worst on their way to Kirkwall for her. When everything from the Blight was still so close, her body barely healed, and her mind reeling from the horrors and mysteries. And then the voyage at sea, the constant sickness… She had been sorely tempted to throw herself overboard more than once just to escape it all — if she had only been able to reach the railing. It was not a time she liked to think back to.

“Do you… sometimes wish it were different?” she asked softly, rubbing a hand over her eyes. “That you could just… forget?”

Cullen seemed to think about it for a moment before he slowly shook his head. “No,” he said. “I prefer to remember. That way, I can try and draw something from it.”

Adriene nodded, looking down at her own cup. “I often wish I could forget.”

Cullen frowned for a second, then his eyes widened in understanding. “Grace,” he said roughly.

But Adriene shook her head, unconsciously rubbing her hand over the scars visible just above the neckline of her tunic. “No. I mean, yes, that, too, but I meant…” She took a breath, then continued, “It was also during the Blight. You know I was in the army, fighting darkspawn and stuff.”

Cullen nodded.

For a moment, Adriene hesitated, then she made a dismissive gesture and shook her head again. “You know what, forget it. It doesn’t compare, and I’m not trying to distract from what happened to you. I was just…” Taking another breath, she started again, “I was just trying to say that I know the feeling of being unable to control what happens to you for… days on end, you said, right? But it wasn’t demons, it was just a man.” 

Something he said earlier came back to her. “Cullen, there is one thing I hope I can ease your mind on, though. You said you were afraid that you might have done something worse to Cassia than drain her.”

The pained look was back on his face, and she quickly continued, “I’m sure you didn’t. I wasn’t gone that long, and when we found you, you were tucked into bed and Cassia was next to you. You weren’t sprawled across the floor or something, and there were no signs at all that you physically hurt her. I promise.”

Cullen let out a breath he hadn’t even known he was holding at Adriene’s words. It did now quell all his worries, but it did lessen some of them at least considerably.

“Thank you,” he said quietly. He reached to take her hand for a moment. “And I am sorry for what happened to you during the Blight,” he added quietly. Adriene hadn’t said much, but she didn’t need to. It had been enough for him to have a good idea of what she had been talking about.

“Ah,” Adriene made an aside gesture with her other hand. “It was a long time ago.” But her smile didn’t quite reach her eyes.

“Well, one thing I’ve learned is that the past is never quite as far away as we want it to be,” Cullen said with a sigh.

“Maybe,” Adriene admitted, then she shrugged. “But that doesn’t mean we have to still let it define us.”

For a moment, their eyes met, and something unspoken passed between them, an understanding that needed no words. Adriene took a breath and gave Cullen another smile, this time genuine. “Give Cassia a day or two, then try talking to her again. Do you have another night shift this week?”

“Tomorrow, actually,” Cullen nodded.

“Alright, then tell her I’m going to sneak in for dinner tomorrow and I’ll try talking to her as well.” She pressed his hand. “I have no doubt you’re going to figure this out. You’re shockingly perfect with each other, you’ll find a way.”

Cullen smiled at her words. “I hope so,” he nodded as he got up.

“I  _ know _ so,” Adriene grinned, nudging him. She brought him to the door before she gave him a quick kiss on the cheek.

“What was that for?” he asked, raising an eyebrow.

Adriene shrugged. “A thank-you. For sharing all this with me.”

He let out a breath and inclined his head with a little smile. “Well,” he said quietly. “You’re family after all.”

Adriene’s answering smile was bright. “Yes,” she nodded. “Family.”


	19. The Highest Aim Of A Captain

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This will be the last chapter for this year - we're taking an [extended holiday break](https://intoourmultiverse.tumblr.com/post/636492524815581184/holiday-break) and will be back in February. We wish you a very very happy, relaxed, and wonderful end of the year whether you celebrate anything or not. Be safe ♥

Cullen had already left a while ago for another night shift, and Cassia was cleaning up the leftovers from what had been a day of Maia trying to find out just how far out across the house she could spread out every single one of her toys. 

After having brought her to bed Cassia had set up a few snacks and something to drink for later. Cullen had told her that Adriene would try to sneak by sometime this evening, and while there were never any guarantees lately that their meetings could actually happen, Cassia wanted to be prepared just in case. And hopeful, in a way. If she waited until Adriene was actually there, it would feel too much like she was expecting her to fail already. With everything that was going on, it was a small thing, but somehow, Cassia couldn’t bear that particular bit of hopelessness at the moment. Especially not with how tense everything has been over the past few days.

Every bit of time she had spent with Cullen since the incident had been slightly stilted. After she had blocked off his first few attempts, he had not tried to talk to her about it again. Instead, there was a new feeling of apprehension between them each time they were so much as in a room together. Even at night, when she slept in his arms, it felt like both of them were somewhat tense. An unnatural distance that seemed to only spread, reducing formerly warm hugs to awkward moments and stopping any thoughts about intimacy in its wake.

With a sigh, Cassia pushed the gloomy thoughts aside as she heard the slight squeaking sound of one of the windows that faced their garden, followed by a quiet curse from Adriene.

“I swear, he did this on purpose and actually planted more rose bushes!”

With a chuckle, Cassia put away the last of the toys to greet her sister.

“He did, didn’t he?” Adriene insisted after she hugged Cassia.

Cassia just shrugged knowingly. “I’m not getting into that particular bit of rivalry between you two,” she grinned.

“Well,” Adriene said with a huff, “you can tell him that it’ll only make me find new and better ways of getting into your house. While preserving your precious rose bushes.”

Cassia let out a laugh as they settled at the table and she poured them each a glass of wine. “I’ll let him know, but I fear you’ll have to be prepared for him to resort to rambler roses.”

“He wouldn’t dare!” Adriene looked shocked, and Cassia laughed again.

Adriene saw her laughter with relief. She had noticed the strain on her sister ever since she had woken from being completely drained by Cullen two days ago. It had been there the next morning, and it was still there now. But the laughter eased the tension in her shoulders and forehead, and Cassia looked already much more at ease. For a while, they kept the easy banter alive, grinning and laughing at Cassia’s story of Maia’s antics when she had bathed her earlier, and Adriene’s anecdote of Sandal’s newest experiment with runes that had left Bodhan’s beard badly singed.

“I swear,” Adriene laughed, wiping a hand over her eyes, “I don’t know what shocked him more — the fact that half his beard was burnt or the fact that I suggested he’d shave it so it can grow back evenly.”

“Oh dear,” Cassia laughed along. “Bodhan is far too conservative to even consider going beardless, I fear.” 

They had sat down at the table Cassia had prepared earlier and she felt herself relax more and more the longer the light conversation lasted. 

“I miss all of us spending much more time together a lot,” she confessed to Adriene as she refilled both their wine glasses. “I mean, I know it’s temporary, and we do manage to see each other at least, but still…” 

“Tell me about it,” Adriene mumbled. “Temporary already lasts way too long, if you ask me,” she said, taking Cassia’s hand and giving it a short squeeze before she took up her glass. “Don’t tell Cullen, but I’d rather come through the front door for once instead of having to sneak around the neighborhood until I find a window of opportunity to get here unseen. Or walk around with Maia and you. Just… being normal.”

The light mood had changed into something much more sullen, a melancholic wistfulness laying itself upon them. “Fenris told me that he is glad that he isn’t the main focus of attention so he can more or less go where he wants, but even he said he caught a few looks the last few times he came to my place.” Adriene sighed. “People do associate him more with visiting you.”

“I’m sorry,” Cassia said with an amused chuckle. “Just wait until the next time the nobles are bored at a party, and then you’ll hear a full-blown tale about me and him, and our sordid love affair right under Cullen’s nose. You know it’s gonna happen…”

She shook her head lightly before she got more serious again. “I am genuinely sorry for that though,” she said, honest regret in her voice. “You finally have each other, and now the situation I got us all in is working against you and stealing your time together. That must be awful.”

Adriene nodded, only to brush it over with a shrug. “It is what it is. Of course it could be better, but honestly, it could also be worse. We  _ have  _ each other, that is worth anything.” She smiled in that slightly dazed way she still couldn’t shake at the thought that they were finally together. “And we can still meet in the Hanged Man or go through Darktown if we want to avoid the nobles and their gossipy dirty mouths. I just so often don’t want to care about them and have to remind myself that I must.”

She sighed, taking another sip from her wine and looking over the cheese collection Cassia had put on the table. “Oh, and by the way — you didn’t get us into this situation. Oswald did, that moldy piece of blightcreep.” Adriene crinkled her nose in disgust before she popped the piece of cheese into her mouth. “Andraste’s knickers, is that Ferelden cheese? Bless you.” She took another piece.

“You’re right, blaming Oswald feels definitely better,” Cassia said as she pushed the whole cheese plate a little bit closer towards Adriene who hummed something affirmative and gave her an appreciative smile. “I try to not think about him too much, but lately that is practically impossible, especially on days when I’m in the Gallows.”

Cassia grabbed herself an orange and a knife and started to peel the fruit. “I swear, he has some sort of sixth sense about me,” she mumbled. “He keeps showing up almost everywhere and nearly all the time.” Most of the time simply to taunt her, but it didn’t quell the fear she felt every time he managed to corner her somewhere. “At first, I was only worried when he caught me alone in a hallway somewhere, but lately, he is becoming more and more brazen in front of other people as well.”

Adriene’s face darkened at her sister’s words. Worry for her sister so heavy it felt like a leaden weight on her shoulders mixed with pure, hot rage against Oswald when she thought about the Gallows. “I so wish that just plainly killing him would still be an option,” she said, a hard edge to her voice.

“You’re not alone,” Cassia murmured.

After a moment of hesitation, Adriene added, “I actually talked about that to Cullen yesterday. Oswald, I mean. Because we’re both worried for you with the blightcreep getting so bold. His fixation on you is bad enough, but directly trying to murder Cullen is taking it to the next level.” She sighed. “I thought we could maybe pretend that you’re sick so you wouldn’t have to go to the Gallows, but that would basically make you a prisoner of your own house and—”

The horrified and indignant look on Cassia’s face was enough to make Adriene chuckle. “I know, I know, don’t worry, we threw that thought away as quickly as it came. But I suggested that he could find something to send Oswald out of the Gallows for a few days. Like sending him to the Vimmarck Chasm, some kind of goose chase. That should give you some breathing time for a while. And then, we’ll be off to Chateau Haine anyway.”

Cassia smiled at the thought that they had tried to come up with something to make this easier for her. “A few days of not having to worry about him at all sound absolutely delightful,” she hummed. But the smile disappeared as quickly as it had come. It would only be a very temporary reprieve after all. She let out a deep sigh.

“At least he is mainly talking these days,” she said with a shrug. “Don’t get me wrong, it’s vile at best and downright terrifying when he really gets into it, but it is mostly just talk, and I’ve learned to dodge most of the touches quite well by now.” She swallowed briefly at the thought that this was something she would almost put on the pile of somewhat good things lately. It wasn’t truly a good thing, but it nearly felt like it in comparison. “At least he hasn’t tried anything like what he did on the Wounded Coast or in the Chantry gardens again,” she added quietly. “Chateau Haine will be downright peaceful, and I am well aware I am saying this about a small castle full of Orlesians.”

“Maker, I feel you on this,” Adriene murmured. Then her eyes got darker. “Cassia, I promise you something. I  _ will _ find some way to get rid of Oswald. Somehow. And if I have to contact Isabela’s friends in the Crows for it and throw my whole fortune into it, I will.”

Cassia only let out a deep sigh. “Adriene, don’t promise something you cannot keep, please,” she said softly. “We both know that it could very well kill you, too. Meredith will take any excuse to make a move on you.”

“If it gets him off you—” The look on Cassia’s face made Adriene stop before she had finished her sentence. She rubbed her fingertips over her forehead in exasperation. “I just feel so helpless,” she confessed quietly after a moment of tense silence. “And it drives me crazy, knowing that he is out there, ready to get his hands at you at the first opportunity, and my hands are bound! I seriously don’t know how to deal with it.”

“You sound like Cullen,” Cassia murmured before looking down at the peeled orange, suddenly not all that interested in eating anymore as a familiar unsettled feeling seemed to fill up her guts again.

“Ser Oswald is a vile little man with absolutely no redeeming qualities, and I strongly believe he is not worth risking everything for.” As much as she hated him and wanted him gone, the thought of losing either Cullen or Adriene over that was too prevalent for her to even consider moving against him. At Adriene’s pained look, Cassia felt her heart getting heavy.

“But I understand the feeling. If I am honest, it’s not like I haven’t thought myself about getting rid of him already,” Cassia confessed. “You know, give in to his advances, get him alone somewhere…” Her voice had gotten harder. “It wouldn’t take too much to get him to put down his sword and take off his armor.”

“Catch him with your freezing trick the first moment he is distracted,” Adriene added in a deadly grim voice.

“I was thinking more of slitting his throat, but I guess magic could work just as well,” Cassia said darkly before shaking the all too tempting thought off. “But I’ll settle for a few relaxing days with some Orlesians for now, I guess.” A small shadow fell on her face. “Though I must admit I was looking forward to that a lot more three days ago than I am now.”

Adriene took a deep breath as she saw the look on Cassia’s face. Pushing her glass and the cheese aside, she reached across the table to take her sister’s hands. “Why?” she asked simply and in a soft voice. The hardness from the talk about Oswald was completely gone, replaced by the worried love she bore for her twin. “Is it because Cullen lost control so much?”

Cassia avoided her eyes, looking to the side, but Adriene was intent on not letting up this time. Something was very much not alright with her sister, and she would try anything to help her.

“Please, Cassia, you know you can tell me anything, right? Did—” Adriene interrupted herself, swallowing hard. “Did Cullen hurt you other than with the drain? Is that it?”

“Cullen didn’t hurt me,” Cassia said almost immediately. There was no hesitation in her voice, but it sounded almost defensive.

“Of course not intentionally,” Adriene hurried to say. 

“He didn’t hurt me!” Something in Cassia’s jaw twitched as she repeated the words. “He didn’t. I…” she trailed off, swallowing harshly as she still refused to look at Adriene. But her sister seemed patient to wait her out, not saying anything for a while as she just kept holding her hand. When Cassia stayed quiet for a few moments, Adriene nudged her quietly, “Something happened though, am I right?”

With a shudder, Cassia squinched her eyes shut. “The drain didn’t catch me by surprise,” she said tonelessly. “It started here at home already, before I brought him over to your place.”

“And you stopped him so you could take him to Anders,” Adriene nodded, her voice full of feeling. The whole situation must have been terrifying for Cassia. “I’m not really surprised, considering the state he was in.”

“I stopped him then,” Cassia said softly, and Adriene gave her another understanding nod.

“You only managed the first time and not later? Is that why you feel so bad?”

For a small moment, Cassia felt an almost unbearable urge to nod. To agree and pretend that she was just feeling bad about being caught off guard, but Adriene’s hand was still warm on hers, and Cassia suddenly felt too tired to hide or lie.

“I didn’t stop him the second time,” she said with a scratchy voice. “And not because it went all so fast, that was…” She swallowed briefly. “I lied.” And suddenly, the words fell freely from her lips in a flow that she couldn’t have stopped if she had wanted to. “I could have done what Anders did, the whole time really, but I didn’t. I just… let him. I asked him to stop, but he was so out of it, and he said he needed it. Needed me.” Her eyes held a faraway look as she vividly remembered the night two days ago. “I even offered it to him. Made a bargain with him. If he would only lie down, I promised him he could take whatever he wanted from me.” Cassia took in a deep breath before finally looking at Adriene. “The drain takes a long time, and I have so much magic I could have intervened so many times, right up until almost the end of it. But I didn’t. Cullen didn’t hurt me. I  _ let _ him!”

“Oh,” Adriene breathed, understanding dawning in her. This wasn’t fear or worry, this wasn’t about Cullen at all. Or, only partly. This was about Cassia herself. This was guilt.

“Yeah,” Cassia murmured, her gaze falling down onto their still intertwined fingers again.

“But…” Adriene started a bit confused, and Cassia looked up again. “But isn’t this… better?” She could see the frown starting on her sister’s brow, and quickly continued, “I mean, I thought you were upset because he hurt you without even realizing what he did — I know,  _ he  _ thinks that — but if you actually let him do it, invited it because you wanted to help him… doesn’t that change it into something much less confusing? What is it that bothers you so much?”

“Because…” For a moment, Cassia didn’t know how to express herself. How to explain what made her feel so uncomfortable about the whole thing. She took another deep breath. “Because I didn’t even think about stopping him. I had no idea that him draining me would actually be something helpful, I didn’t do that to save him. I did it because he  _ asked. _ ” A shiver went through her, and Cassia hoped that Adriene would understand just what about this felt so unsettling to her. “I didn’t care how much it might hurt me. All that mattered was that he wanted something from me, and I gave it to him. And I keep thinking that he could have asked for something way worse, and I would probably still have said yes. That I would always say yes.” 

She held Adriene’s hand a bit tighter for a moment before adding, “I love Cullen more than anything, and I know he would never intentionally hurt me. This is not about him. It’s about me feeling like I am incapable of having any sort of boundaries for myself. And that thought scares me.”

Adriene could only nod unhappily. “I understand,” she eventually said very quietly. “I do.” After a moment of silence, she sighed. “Cassia, you need to talk to Cullen about this.”

Cassia closed her eyes, and Adriene tightened her grip before she could draw her hand back. “I mean it,” Adriene added in a warm voice. “Honestly, if it were any other person that made you feel this way, I’d say to run and never look back but you said it yourself — Cullen would never hurt you. It’s not even about your feelings for him because feelings can be deceiving, but it’s about your relationship with each other.” She waited until her sister looked back at her before she continued, “Cass, I know you, maybe better than anyone else. And I know you have very clear boundaries for yourself. You’re not the kind of person who does things a random person asks of them just because they asked and you want to please them. So it’s about you and Cullen specifically.” She made a small gesture with her hand. “And could it be that you just did what he asked  _ because _ you know he would never hurt you? Because you trust him so much?”

“I’m not sure,” Cassia murmured quietly. There was something to Adriene’s suggestion, but she couldn’t quite grasp it. “Maybe, but I can’t really tell, and everything is just so muddled up and confusing right now.”

She shook her head before she found Adriene’s eyes again. “I am terrified to talk to Cullen about this,” she confessed. “When we started our relationship, he was so worried. All the time really. About the power imbalance between us…” She let out a sigh. “He was terrified that he might unknowingly abuse that at some point, and it took quite a while for both of us to work through some things together and now?”

Her throat felt dry again, and Cassia reached for the wine, almost emptying half of the glass in one go before she put it down again. “We were at a point where I felt like we were both really comfortable with who we both are in our relationship, and I fear that something like this could mess up everything.”

Adriene suddenly reached for her hand again as she looked at her intensely. “But isn’t it already messing things up for you?” Adriene asked with a heavy sigh. “I mean, knowing how both Cullen and you are feeling right now, I’d say pretending that nothing happened just so you can go on like before is not an option here. What happened, happened, Cass, you can’t undo that. You can only go forward.”

And forward meant they had to talk. Cassia knew her sister was right. “I don’t know how to have this conversation,” she admitted quietly. “And even if I gather all my courage, everything around us is just as messed up at the moment as well.” She let out a frustrated sigh. “We have barely any time, often little to no privacy and I am so afraid of making this whole situation even worse…”

Adriene nodded solemnly, taking a large sip of her wine as well. Then a thought came to her and she perked up. “Well, we do have something like a vacation coming up. I’m pretty sure you can find some privacy there. We’re all there, so we can take Maia whenever you need. That should give you plenty of opportunity to talk and make out. Up. Make  _ up  _ with each other, I mean,” she corrected herself quickly and with a smile that Cassia returned with a slight chuckle. Reaching for Cassia’s hand, Adriene added, “But maybe you can find it in you to give him at least something. Because right now, Cullen thinks he hurt you and that you’re afraid of him. Letting him know that you’re working through something for yourself and that you’ll talk to him in Chateau Haine might be enough already to—”

A loud crash from upstairs, followed by a muffled curse interrupted her, and both looked up in alarm. Nobody but them and Maia were in the house, and that had definitely not been a two-year-old. Adriene was up in a second, reaching for her knives, but before she was half-way towards the stairs, a familiar figure was openly and brazenly coming downstairs.

“Seriously, who puts a box directly beneath a window?” Isabela said with a reprehensive click of her tongue. “I was planning on surprising you!”

Cassia was half behind Adriene, unable to keep herself from laughing at their friend. “Did you step right into the box with all the old toys?” she grinned, and Isabela huffed.

“Is that what it was?” Isabela asked casually. “And here I thought Cullen put something there deliberately after he was mad at me for breaking in through your bedroom window.”

“I am not saying that it wasn’t there deliberately,” Cassia said with a laugh. The brief scare was all but forgotten, and she gestured at the open door to the living room behind them. “It’s good to have you back, wanna join us for some wine?”

“Wine? Great idea,” Bela grinned, sauntering the last steps towards them before she put her arms around Adriene’s neck with bright eyes. “Because we have something to celebrate,” she purred and kissed her deeply. When she pulled back, Adriene was a bit breathless.

“Alright,” she murmured, an excited tingle in her belly, “I’ll take that as a first apology for disappearing without saying goodbye, but I’ll expect more later.”

“As you should,” Isabela smirked before she gave Cassia a wink who only rolled her eyes good-naturedly. “Now, what about that wine?”

A few minutes later, they sat at the table, and Isabela poured herself a second glass already.

“You still haven’t told us what it is we are celebrating,” Cassia nudged her, taking the bottle to refill her own glass.

“Is it just the glory of your presence?” Adriene teased, one arm around her girlfriend, and Isabela laughed.

“You’d think so, but no.” She leaned forward with a glint in her eyes that spoke of danger and excitement as she looked from one sister to the other. “You’ll never believe who I found in on that ship I wanted to go to Ostwick with.”

Adriene and Cassia exchanged a look, and when she saw her sister shake her head, Adriene said with a little laugh, “I literally have no idea.”

“Castillon!” Isabela exclaimed.

Immediately, Adriene perked up. “Wait, I thought he was in Rivain at the moment?” The last information Isabela had managed to buy had spoken about her old rival being way up in the north for the foreseeable future. She still remembered Bela’s disappointment and anger at that.

Bela shook her head with a wide grin. “No, he’s here in Kirkwall!”

Adriene blinked in confusion, looking to Cassia. Her sister tilted her head as she frowned at Isabela. “But didn’t you just say you found him on that ship?”

“Yes, well.” Isabela made a dismissive gesture. “So, we actually never left for Ostwick because the Captain and I got… busy and missed the tide. Twice, actually. But, turns out he knows someone who confirmed that Castillon is in Kirkwall.”

Adriene’s face brightened. “But that is amazing! Definitely something to celebrate!” She took up her glass and clinked it to others. “So where is he that we can kick his ass?” she asked eagerly.

“I have no idea,” Isabela said cheerfully, leaning back with a grin.

For a second, a stunned silence fell, then Cassia started to chuckle. “Alright, Bela, maybe you should just tell us everything before we start to celebrate.”

“Pff, much more boring,” Bela chided her, but then she sighed dramatically. “Fine. So. The captain of the ship happened to know someone here in Kirkwall, and  _ that _ someone told me that Castillon is here in Kirkwall. Just waiting for me to kick his ass, as you so aptly put it.” She took another long swig of her wine before she continued, “However, I don’t know where exactly he is. I do know, however, where Velasco is.”

“Velasco?” Cassia asked, finally starting to eat the orange she had peeled earlier.

“His right-hand man,” Adriene explained, pulling the cheese plate closer again before she looked at Bela. “Right?”

“Right,” Bela nodded. “We just have to make him tell us where Castillon is. And I was hoping for that pretty head of yours, Cassia, to figure out a way to make that happen.” She beamed at Cassia, raising her glass in a cheer.

“Flattery?” Cassia raised her eyebrows at Isabela before raising her glass as well. “How could I ever refuse?”

With a smile, she took a sip before setting the wine back down. “But I don’t know anything about this guy, so there could be several approaches. Would he talk if we sent Adriene to ask him very nicely?” she asked. 

Isabela shook her head. “That was my first thought, but I can’t be sure he would talk, so we'd have to kill him, and that in turn could spook Castillon. And I am not going to waste this shot, this cannot be a gamble for once.”

Cassia nodded in understanding. “Naturally,” she agreed. “Can he be bribed though? What does he want?”

“Probably the same things Castillon wants, right?” Adriene said thoughtfully. “If he is his right-hand man…”

At that, Cassia perked up, a wide grin all over her face. “Oh, I have an amazing and absolutely awful idea,” she said with a glint in her eyes. “Remember Danarius? We could do something similar, only you’ll be Fenris in this instance.”

“Oh!” Isabela’s eyes lit up. “A little bit of roleplay, huh?” she said with a wink at Cassia. “I always knew you had hidden depths.”

As Cassia chuckled at Isabela’s antics, Adriene frowned. “I had hoped we were kind of over using my loved ones as bait if I am honest.”

Cassia gave her sister a sympathetic look. “I can understand that,” she said immediately. “We can come up with another idea.”

“Aww, and deprive me of the fun we’d have?” Isabela pouted, then she sighed. “Oh fine. I guess we could try and go the old ‘bribe him with gold’ route.”

“We could always just follow him?” Adriene proposed, but even she wasn’t quite convinced by her idea and the lack of enthusiasm in her voice showed it.

Isabela immediately shook her head. “I don’t think that’ll work. And we don’t know when they will meet up next. Could be tomorrow, could be next month. I want this over with.”

“Understandable,” Adriene muttered. For a few minutes, they tossed ideas back and forth, only to throw each and every single one over board again. When the idea of ‘challenging Velasco to a riddle game and making ‘Where is your boss’ one of the riddles’ came up, Adriene leaned back in her chair, turning her glass of wine in her hand with a deep sigh.

“Alright, alright, I see the problem. Isabela the bait it is, then.”

Excited, Isabela clapped her hands and leaned forward. “Excellent! Alright, how about this. Velasco has been spending basically every night in the Blooming Rose, enjoying its many splendors.” She grinned widely and wiggled her eyebrows suggestively. “You bring me to Velasco, and then, we’ll get creative. You have to pretend you’re still mad that I betrayed you, and throw me at his feet. Literally. For show, of course.” 

There was a gleam in Isabela’s face that made Adriene’s eyes widen. She quickly held up a hand. “Now, wait just a moment. You want me to do what?”

“It’s just for show, seagull, don’t worry,” Bela said soothingly before the excitement came back into her voice. “But we have to make this convincing! Call me names, you might even have to hit me!”

“No,” Adriene said flatly, a strange, dark feeling dropping into her stomach. “I can’t do that, sorry.”

Cassia watched her sister carefully, and from the sound of Adriene’s voice, she had a good idea about where her reaction stemmed from. A surge of protectiveness went through her, and before Isabela could try to convince her again, Cassia inserted herself into the back and forth between them.

“I’ll do it,” she said firmly. When both Adriene and Isabela were suddenly looking at her, Cassia only shrugged. “If I can smile at the Knight-Commander and congratulate her on her ‘ _ wonderful policies’ _ I can easily do this.” A small smile appeared on her face. “Should be downright easy in comparison.”

Bela’s expression turned from slight worry at Adriene back to excitement. “Perfect!” she exclaimed. “Oh, on second thought, it might work even better with you — you know, the whole ‘nobody betrays my family without consequences’ spiel.” She put one hand on Adriene’s thigh to give her a soothing squeeze as she turned back to her. “I’ll leave a trail that you all can follow. It’ll be rescuing the damsel in distress all over again.” The smile she gave Adriene was warm.

Adriene took a deep breath and nodded, giving her best to smile back. “I can do that,” she said softly.

Bela’s smile widened and she pressed a kiss on Adriene’s cheek before she looked at Cassia. “Are you sure, though?”

Cassia made a dismissive gesture and gave her a smile. “Of course! Also, I can finally openly use my magic in a fight, so none of that annoying sword slowing me down.”

Isabela laughed. “Oh, this is amazing. Castillon will never know what hit him!”

The following evening, Adriene and Fenris were seated on one of the couches in the Blooming Rose, waiting for Isabela and Cassia. The dimmed light, the soft murmur of a harp being played in the background, and the low voices from couples or groups that were seated at discrete tables with comfortable couches around the room made for a cozy atmosphere. Every now and then, two or three people got up and disappeared upstairs into one of the chambers, others were joined by a new companion. 

“I’ve never liked it here,” Fenris murmured, his eyes dark as he looked around.

Adriene smiled. She had caught Adriano’s eyes earlier who was sitting with another woman, giving him a smile and a wave. She hadn’t been here since she had been declared Champion — or at least not for pleasure, meaning she hadn’t met Adriano, her favorite, in a long time. She still had meetings with Madam Lusine, exchanging gossip and information for coin, and every now and then, just catching up with each other. Over the years, they had developed a working relationship that was just shy of being a friendship. When they had told her about what they planned to do, she had reluctantly agreed, on the condition that her girl would not be harmed.

“I still like it. I spent some memorable nights here,” she confessed, and Fenris grunted. Adriene chuckled. “Come on, you have to admit that the atmosphere is… inviting.” She leaned closer and placed a kiss onto the hollow beneath his ear, her tongue flickering out for just a moment, and Fenris sucked in a sharp breath.

“Not private enough for me,” he said, but his voice had gotten a bit rougher at her caress. A promising smile was in the corner of his lips. “But maybe you can tell me about some of your… encounters later.”

Before Adriene could answer, the door opened, and Isabela and Cassia came inside. “They’re here,” she said quietly, watching them exchange a few words with Madam Lusine before they went upstairs.

Isabela stopped before the room they knew Velasco was just getting busy in. She took a calming breath and turned to Cassia. “Alright, let’s do this,” she said and made an inviting gesture towards the door. “And remember, you have to be convincing. Stick with it, no matter what I do. He’s a clever son of a bitch, if you waver, he’ll notice.”

Cassia nodded before she gave Isabela a knowing look. “I am worried about you, you know? You seem to be enjoying this a little bit too much.”

“I am, aren’t I?” Isabela laughed. “You should enjoy this too, it’s the only time you can ever get your hands on me,” she added with a wink.

“You are still aware we are just doing this for show, right?” Cassia said dryly but not without humor.

“Partially, you have to put some real heat behind it if you want to be convincing.” There was a brief spark in Isabela’s eyes. “Oh, just imagine you are making good on your threat if I should hurt Adriene again, that one had me legitimately worried for a minute.”

“I can do that,” Cassia agreed. This was not that different from pretending in the Gallows after all. And Isabela had given her some clear guidelines on how far she should go to sell the whole thing. Maybe in another, more quiet moment, Cassia could wonder just why it felt so remarkably easy to make the switch into the person she usually was at the Gallows, even when it involved much more personal matters. But not now. Not when she had to play the role perfectly. Taking a deep breath, she took Isabela’s arm and they went inside. 

Disturbed by the commotion they made, the elven woman that Velasco had been paying for her time only gave them a scared look before she hurried out of the room.

As the man himself turned around with a small curse, he looked at Cassia with a snarl. “I hope you have a good reason for interrupting my private time.”

Cassia sighed inwardly as she heard him talk. Of course he had to be Orlesian on top of it all. Showing nothing of her disdain on her face, she smiled widely at him instead. “I think you will be very thankful for my interruption,” she said, before tugging on Isabela’s arm and pulling her into plain view. “Because I come bearing gifts.”

“Hey,” Isabela said, sounding offended all of a sudden. “This was not the plan, the plan was to simply kill him!”

Cassia had her coldest smile on her face as she slowly turned around to her friend. “Plans change,” she said, sounding sickenly sweet for a moment. “You know all about that, don’t you?”

“That is indeed quite a gift,” Velasco said. “I can’t help but wonder what the occasion is though.”

Cassia knew what he meant immediately. He was questioning her motivation. Her reason to simply bring him someone he was looking for without being prompted. Luckily, they had something prepared for that.

“The occasion is,” she said cooly, “that I have been waiting for a good opportunity to get rid of her for ages.” With a hard look at Isabela, she sighed. “I can’t just go around randomly offing people, not as the city's Champion. And the Qunari didn’t want her anymore after the duel.”

“You traitorous bitch,” Isabela hissed, twisting herself out of Cassia’s hold. “Are you insane?”

“Am I insane?” Cassia shook her head with a scoff. “You betrayed  _ us _ . The city, me, and most of all, my sister!”

Velasco already nodded his two guards over. When they came up behind them, Isabela spit on the floor right in front of Cassia. “You backstabbing little shit, you better sleep with one eye open from now on!” 

Without hesitation, Cassia backhanded her, the sound of the hit echoing through the room as Isabela stumbled back slightly.

“I’ll sleep just fine knowing you won’t be around anymore,” Cassia hissed. “I told you, nobody hurts my family!”

Isabela’s hateful look was completely convincing as she struggled against the two guards before they dragged her out of the room. 

Velasco seemed to be intent on following them right away. “Thank you, Champion,” he said with a nod before handing her something. A piece of jewelry. “A token of our appreciation, Castillon has been looking for her for quite some time after all. It’s more than she is worth.” And with that, he left.

It was hard to hold herself back when Adriene saw Isabela being dragged down the stairs. She was making a show, demanding to be let go, but Adriene saw that she barely put any real effort into getting loose. Fenris’ arm tightened around her, feeling her tension. The next moment, a man came downstairs, throwing a coin to Madam Lusine. Velasco.

“Apologies for the commotion, Madam, it will not happen again,” he said smoothly and gave her a little bow.

“I should hope so,” she said icily and watched him leave.

The door had barely closed behind Velasco when Cassia came down as well, immediately starting towards Adriene and Fenris. Madam Lusine joined her.

“I must confess, I do not like such shows,” Lusine sighed as Adriene and Fenris got up. “At least, as long as I am not the one orchestrating them,” she added a bit slyly.

“Well, Velasco is right — it won’t happen again.” Adriene gave her a smile. “Your discretion is appreciated, Lusine,” she said, reaching for her purse. But Lusine held up her hand, stopping her mid-motion.

“Do not worry about it, he has paid doubly for no service.” She smiled. “And you know that whatever happens in the Blooming Rose stays in the Blooming Rose.” She gave all of them a wink, her eyes lingering on Cassia for a moment to deliberately include her in her next words. “Do come by again sometime, Champions. We have special prices for couples. And for you, I’d give a discount.”

“They… have special prices?” Fenris asked, doubt in his voice as they left the establishment.

Adriene only grinned and nodded. “They do indeed,” she said innocently. Then she spotted a coin lying at the stairs towards Lowtown. “There,” she pointed at it. “Bela’s trail. Let’s hurry.”

They found Velasco again in a part of the docks down at the harbor. The few guards were quickly taken care of — he obviously did not expect company. To Adriene’s endless relief, Isabela was not lying bound and hurt in some corner, but openly walking up and down in front of Velasco as they came in. They hadn’t even taken her weapons.

“Why don’t we work something out, Isabela?” Velasco said just at that moment, a leer to his voice that left no doubt what he meant with ‘work something out’. He hadn’t seen them yet. “I can tell Castillon to go easy on you.”

Isabela scoffed. “Contrary to popular belief, I  _ do _ have standards,” she said.

It only served to aggravate the man, though. “You will do whatever I want,” he said threateningly. “I own you.”

That was the moment that Isabela spotted them, and a smile came onto her face. “You really don’t,” she purred, drawing her weapons.

The fight broke out almost immediately, and Cassia, Adriene and Fenris broke into a run to close up to Isabela. With only a single look, Adriene and Fenris both broke away in different directions, each taking out one of the guards while Isabela was circling Velasco himself.

The commotion stirred up more of his men at the other side of the room that moved to join the fight almost immediately. Cassia sent a gust of cold towards them, slowing them down to almost a complete standstill, giving Adriene and Fenris ample of time to cut them down one by one. When she saw Velasco lunge at Isabela she turned around, shooting a sharp shard of ice at him without hesitation. It hit its mark, burrowing into his back, and a second later, he sank down to the ground with a wet gurgling sound.

“You know, it’s a little less fun for the rest of us now that you can use your magic,” Isabela said with an indignant huff. “I had him, you know?”

“Sorry?” Cassia sent her an apologetic look. “I can just stand over there in the corner when Castillon shows up,” she offered. “Or, if you want to, I can give him the Danarius-special for you.”

“Oh, I love that idea,” Isabela immediately perked up again, actually clapping her hands. “Yes, let’s do it Danarius-style!” Then she turned to Fenris. “No de-hearting, though, this one is mine!”

He had just cleaned his blade to put it away again, now he inclined his head with a smile. “I would not dream of taking this away from you, Bela.”

“And it’s appreciated,” Bela quirked, blowing a kiss at him before she sobered again. “Alright, let’s look around first. I want to know why Castillon is in Kirkwall. As much as I like to think he’s here for me, I somehow doubt it.”

“I think I saw some sort of writing room upstairs, maybe we’ll find something there,” Adriene said, motioning to where she saw that.

Isabela nodded. “Good idea. You and Cassia go check that out, Fenris and I will look through these crates. Maybe we’ll find some delivery papers or something.”

Adriene and Cassia exchanged a look and nodded. “Let’s do this,” Cassia said.

It didn’t take long to find something of interest.

Isabela’s face darkened as she looked over the papers the twins had found in a secret compartment in one of the drawers. “That bastard,” she muttered. “No honor in a single bone. Maybe I should let you de-heart him after all, Fenris.”

“Why, what does it say?” Fenris asked with a frown on his face.

“Slaves,” Cassia said quietly. “He’s transporting slaves through the Free Marches.”

Fenris’ face darkened in anger, and Adriene took a step closer to him.

“And here I thought I might be able to make a deal with him,” Isabela muttered. “Blast. Now I have to kill him.”

Adriene frowned in confusion. “Why is that bad? I thought that was the plan all along?”

“No!” Bela exclaimed in exasperation. “I wanted to make a deal with him! Find something to blackmail him, get him to give me his ship, laugh at him while he leaves defeated and shipless. That was the plan! Ugh.” She groaned as she took a few agitated steps up and down.

“Well, can’t you just kill him and take his ship anyway?” Cassia asked, the same confusion in her face that Adriene showed.

But Isabela shook her head, looking at her as if she had just said the stupidest thing there was. “You don’t kill a man and take his ship! That’s just… crude and amateurish. Also, how will he tell everybody how I bested him if he’s dead?”

Next to Adriene, Fenris got very still. “You’re not seriously considering letting him go, are you, Isabela?” he asked in a very tense voice. Adriene’s eyes widened and she laid a hand on his arm, but his eyes were fixed on Isabela.

Bela didn’t even notice it, still staring at the papers in her hand. She scoffed loudly. “Of course not.” Fenris relaxed, and Adriene let out a soft breath, exchanging a look with Cassia. But Isabela wasn’t done yet. In a voice that was somehow both pained and annoyed, she added, “I just wished… Ugh. Never mind.” A hard line was around her mouth as she looked up again. “I think I’ll kill him myself after all. After everything, he deserves my blades.”

“Who deserves your blades?” came a heavily accented voice from behind her, and Isabela took a deep breath, finding her friends’ eyes and motioned to Cassia to hold back before she turned around to meet the newcomer with a broad smile.

“Castillon,” she said in a deceptively sweet voice.

“Isabela,” he answered. “Velasco told me you’d be tied up, a pretty present. Looks like he paid for his negligence.” With a sigh that held no regret for the loss of his second-hand man, he shrugged before he eyed Isabela. “Well played, Isabela,” he said. “Crossed, and double-crossed.”

Isabela looked at him incredulously. “You want to talk? Seriously?” With another groan, she shook her head. “He even wants to talk! Alright then. Let’s talk.” She held out the papers to him. “Slavery? In the Free Marches on top of it. Seriously, Castillon, you disgust me.”

“What can I say?” Castillon said, his eyes narrowing. All pretense of friendliness had disappeared from his face. “I am a businessman. But as a businessman, I am sure we can come to an agreement, no?”

Adriene could see the tremble running over Isabela’s whole body as she stared at him. She felt the same tension in Fenris next to her, but she didn’t dare take her eyes off Castillon.

“I really wish we could,” Isabela said stiffly. “I do. I’d ask you to give me your ship and leave me alone forever, and then I would give you those papers so you could continue your trade until Fate catches up with you.”

Castillon spread his arms wide. “If that is what you wish for, Isabela…” He forced a smile on his face. “Then my ship is yours. And you will never hear from me again.”

Suddenly, a rage as dark as the sea came onto Isabela’s face and the papers crumbled in her hand as she took a step towards him. “Slaves, Castillon! Anything else, I could have dealt with. But not slaves.”

His eyes widened, but before he even had the time to reach for his daggers, Isabela had already drawn a hidden blade from her boot and threw it, embedding it neatly into his throat.

With a surprised look and a last gurgle of blood, Castillon fell to his knees and then heavily to the ground. And all hell broke loose.

Between Fenris sowing lyrium-streaked death, Adriene and Isabela’s blades, and Cassia’s ice magic, the battle was over quicker than Adriene had feared as she had realized that Castillon had many more men with him than Velasco had. In the end, only one person remained, frozen to the ground by Cassia’s magic.

Wide-eyed, the man stared at them as Fenris’s tattoos glowed white and he raised his hand to rip the man’s heart out.

“No, wait!” Cassia’s voice made him stop suddenly.

“Give me one good reason,” he growled between clenched teeth.

“I will,” Cassia assured him as they all stepped in front of the man. Slowly, Fenris let his hand sink, but the anger on his face was still visible.

Cassia stepped in front of the prisoner, a beautiful and utterly deadly smile on her face. “What’s your name?” she asked deceptively sweet.

“P-Paolo,” he stuttered.

“Paolo, now that Castillon is dead, and Velasco is dead, and all the other people here are also dead, who is in charge of his ship?” Cassia asked, still that smile on her face. “You were part of his crew, were you not?”

“I… I — yes, I was, so…” His eyes flickered between them. “M-Me?” he asked carefully, obviously trying to figure out what exactly it was what they wanted to hear.

“Good answer,” Cassia smiled. “And you’ll of course happily give Isabela your ship in exchange for your life, right?”

Isabela sucked in a sharp breath. A smile came onto Adriene’s face as she realized her sister’s brilliant plan, and even Fenris finally straightened and took a step back.

“Oh! Oh, yes, yes, of course,” Paolo hurried to say, looking at Isabela with a shaky smile. “Th-the ship is yours.”

With a delighted shout, Isabela pumped her fist into the air. “Cassia! I might kiss you!”

With a snip of her finger, Cassia freed the man from his icy shackles who immediately raced out of the docks and into the rest of his life. “Well,” Cassia said as she turned to Isabela with a genuine smile on her face, “since you said that you can’t just  _ take  _ the sh—”

She didn’t come further before Isabela just grabbed her face in both hands and kissed her firmly on the mouth.

For a second, Cassia instinctively moved her lips to kiss her back before she realized just who was holding her. With a confused blink and the clearing of her throat, Cassia drew back, causing Isabela to let go of her.

“Uhm, ok, wow,” Cassia murmured. “That is certainly one way to say thank you.” With a small chuckle, she shook her head at Isabela. “You’re welcome!”

Isabela meanwhile seemed completely unperturbed. With a beaming smile and a little jump, she hurried over to Fenris. “I have a ship!” she exclaimed, before kissing him with much more intensity than she had kissed Cassia before. “A ship!” she repeated as she drew back. A moment later, she had her arms slung around Adriene, busying herself with another kiss.

“Congratulations.” Fenris’s voice sounded pretty dry, but Cassia could see on his face that he absolutely meant it. When Isabela let go of Adriene again, she was still beaming.

“I can’t believe it! This might just be the best day ever,” she said. 

Cassia nodded, smiling thoughtfully. “It certainly went much smoother than I anticipated. Velasco didn’t even question us!”

“That’s because you were doing perfectly,” Isabela laughed. Looking at Adriene, she gestured towards Cassia. “Seriously, that was some great acting.” 

With a shake of her head, Cassia looked at her still slightly stinging hand. “I’d say anytime, but my hand is still hurting from that.” 

“You actually slapped her to sell the bit?” Fenris asked, a hint of amusement in his eyes.

Isabela nodded with immediate enthusiasm. “Oh you should have seen her, all angry eyes and cold smiles.” She sent Cassia a wink as she added, “You really put your weight in it, it’s too bad Adriene has this rule about her siblings.”

“This was a one-time thing, Bela,” Adriene said in that moment, sending her girlfriend a stern look. “One time!” 

Isabela didn’t look even remotely remorseful as she nodded. “As I said, too bad!”

Cassia couldn’t stop herself from breaking into actual laughter at that. “It’s tragic,” she said between chuckles. “But at least we'll always have that slap and that kiss to remember what can never be.”

As they started to make their way back home, Isabela threw one arm around Cassia’s shoulders. “I am going to teach you how to hit people without hurting yourself in the process,” she said in a conspiratorial tone. “There are things you need to know for both punching and slapping, so you won’t hurt those pretty hands of yours.”

“Bela!” came Adriene’s voice filled with both amusement and something like a warning tone from behind them.

“She needs to know these things,” Isabela insisted. “And not just for bedroom adventures, what if she needs to defend herself without weapons or magic one day, huh?” 

Cassia sucked in a sharp breath, coughing slightly as she nearly choked at her own spit in the process. “You’re not going to teach me how to hit someone in the bedroom, Bela!” she said, trying to ignore the slight flush on her cheeks.

“Fine,” Isabela shrugged. “Be that way, I’ll just teach you the fighting version then.” 

With a mumbled ‘alright’, Cassia stared ahead as her blush disappeared again. But she had thought herself safe from Bela’s teasing words a little bit too early as the other woman added, “It’s the same principle really anyway if you ever need it. I always thought Cullen seemed like the type who would enjoy—”

“You know, I can probably find a way to make you lose that ship again if I wanted to,” Cassia said sternly, and to her utter relief, it seemed to do the trick.

“And suddenly I completely forgot what I was going to say,” Isabela continued smoothly. “So, what do you guys say, wanna go to the harbor and check out my new ship?”

“Finally,” Adriene said, barely concealing the laughter in her voice. “I thought you’d never ask!”


	20. Lay Down Your Arms

The day in Cloudreach that they left Kirkwall behind, both Adriene and Cassia felt like they could breathe again for the first time in months.

The preparations for the long trip had kept all of them busy in the last few weeks. Apart from Aveline, who didn't want to leave her post for such a prolonged time, all of their closest friends had joined them. Even Anders had let himself be convinced to take a much-needed break and had left the clinic in the hands of Alain and the other healers.

When they left for Chateau Haine, they didn't do so together of course. Two separate travel parties, leaving at different times and on slightly different paths made it clear to the whole city that, while they might have the same destination, they were certainly not traveling together.

The route had been planned carefully, and they had agreed on a spot about a day of traveling outside the city where their paths would cross and they could continue the trip together. 

The spring weather was unsettled, making parts of the trip more uncomfortable than relaxing, but none of them could bring themselves to care overly much. As annoying as it was to deal with perpetually damp clothes as the rain fell off and on, it still paled in comparison to all they had left behind in Kirkwall.

The days on the road went by fast, and Cassia revelled in the fact that she could finally spend more time with Adriene again. That they  _ all  _ could spend more time together without sneaking around and carefully watching the clock all the time. But even though she loved all her friends dearly, Adriene was something else. Something much more. She could count on one hand the number of times they had been forced to be apart from each other: Adriene’s time with Ferelden’s army, Cassia’s expedition to the Deep Roads, and finally, Adriene’s trip that had ended with fighting a sentient Darkspawn. Whenever circumstances had forced them apart, it had never been for any even remotely good reason. The current careful separation of their lives in Kirkwall fit right in with that. 

But a few days on the road started to slowly make Kirkwall and all her troubles seem further and further away.

Almost all her troubles.

She still hadn’t talked to Cullen. At least not much more than necessary. Cassia had taken Adriene’s advice and tried to assure him as best as she could that it wasn’t something that he had done that was keeping her in constant thought. That it was her that needed to work through some issues of her own, and that they could use their time in Chateau Haine to properly talk about it all. But while he had managed to smile at her during all that, it hadn’t quite reached his eyes. When he had told her to take her time, assuring her he would wait for her to come to terms with whatever was going through her mind and not push the issue until then, she had known he wasn’t happy about the situation. 

He still wasn’t. The tension between them was entirely new, and Cassia didn’t know how to act around it. Not even at the start of their relationship had she ever felt such a carefully maintained distance between the two of them. Everything was somewhat stilted and just… less between them. When they talked, it remained casual, on the very surface, with neither one of them daring to say anything more substantial. And at night, an almost unbearably stiff embrace had been the most either of them had allowed to happen, and neither Cassia nor Cullen had seemed comfortable with it. 

Cassia had only noticed just how often Cullen used to touch her when the little touches stopped. When she saw him reach for her out of habit only to pull back with that uncomfortable look on his face. Just like she did. It felt like it wouldn't be fair to him if she kept draping herself all over him while refusing to say what was on her mind. But after almost three weeks of this, Cassia was just so tired of it all. Of feeling awkward around the man she loved and not quite knowing what to do about it. Tents and inn rooms and the long times spent on the road were certainly not the places to start their much-needed conversation, however, and so she had to hold on a little bit longer. Thankfully, the renewed closeness with Adriene came as a welcome distraction.

Thus, she spent most of their travel glued to her sister’s side during the day and feeling terribly alone in the tent she shared with Cullen during the night, knowing that she had to fix this somehow. And fast. But the closer they got to their destination, the more she kept worrying at night again.

On the one hand, Cassia couldn't bear the thought of this horrible distance between them going on any longer, but when they came closer and closer to their destination and the promised talk, she found she still was no closer to an answer about what she would tell him. How she could fix this. And the more she thought about it, the more afraid she got what would happen once her time ran out. Once she would be forced to do, to say something. Something had to give, it was inevitable, and Cassia knew the excuse of lack of privacy on the road would run out fast.

Still, a part of her looked forward to finally reaching the Chateau, if only because it would mean they could hopefully sleep in a comfortable bed again. 

When they finally reached Chateau Haine after almost two weeks of traveling, it looked like they were one of the last parties to arrive. The whole place was already bustling with people from all over Thedas. The relative quiet of the road was replaced with foreign accents and colorful dresses everywhere, and as they walked into the castle, Cassia slowly realized with a weird mix of relief and deep-seated anxiousness that privacy and some time on their own might not come as soon as she had thought it would.

They had anticipated some sort of recluse summer castle, but the fortress nestled into the side of the Vimmarck Mountains was anything but. Looming over the slopes and woods surrounding it, it no longer came as a surprise that people called the castle impenetrable. From the looks of it, it could house several dozen guests, with the domestic staff to care for them. And Duke Prosper, their host, seemed to have invited enough people to fill most of his castle.

“I thought it was some sort of honor to receive this invitation, but honestly? This looks like everyone with some sort of a title and their cousin was invited,” Adriene murmured as they came into the courtyard. Everywhere, groups of people were standing and talking, and servants bustled about to bring luggage from here to there or serve drinks and little trays of food.

Despite their Orlesian host, Adriene found herself more than looking forward to this whole event. Even more so now that they were here, and the days on the road in too-cold tents that not even Fenris and Isabela's embrace could warm up enough were over, with proper beds awaiting them. The invitation had spoken of a week of gatherings and smaller hunts to get to know each other and the area; with the main event, the Wyvern hunt, starting at the end of the week. From what she knew, that Wyvern hunt could last anything from a day to a week, depending on how long the hunters took to slay one of the dangerous beasts. No matter how long it would take, it was followed by another party celebrating the winner. The whole event would end with a big Summerday celebration before everyone would depart back to their usual lives. That would give them at least two blessed weeks of not having a care in the world.

Beneath a gazebo in the center, Duke Prosper stood, talking to some people who from the looks of it came from Orlais as well. Fancy masks, wide skirts, pompous hats, and huge collars dominated the gazebo, even though the Duke himself did not wear a mask.

“I wonder if it’s courtesy to his various guests or if he’s just been away from home too long,” Varric muttered as they waited for the servant to announce them.

“Oh, and I thought his beard served as a mask,” Merrill chirped, making them all chuckle.

“Maybe… don’t ask him,” Adriene said, barely suppressing a grin. “He might take offense, and for once, I don’t want to be thrown out of a party.”

“Killjoy,” Isabela said, but the way her eyes gleamed as she looked across the courtyard spoke quite a different language. True enough, after just a moment, she added with an overly dramatic sigh, “But very well, I think we can find some amusement among all these people. I’m pretty sure I’ve spotted some Antivans.”

“Honestly, it’s enough people that we can probably just stay in our rooms all the time and nobody would notice,” Adriene smirked, following Isabela’s eyes over the many people.

Bela’s smile widened. “Mmh, now there’s a thought,” she purred.

Before anyone could react, though, the servant came back. 

“The Duke expects you,” he said with a little bow and an inviting gesture towards the gazebo. The group of Orlesians was just being escorted towards the castle; probably to get settled in their rooms.

“The Champions of Kirkwall!” Duke Prosper exclaimed as they joined him beneath the gazebo, coming towards them with open arms. “Welcome, welcome. It is an honor to have you join our hunt!”

“Duke Prosper, thank you so much for inviting us,” Adriene said graciously. Cassia nodded next to her.

“Yes,” her sister added with a wide smile, “I assure you, the honor is all ours.”

“You flatter me!” he chuckled. “But it is no less than I would have expected from the Amell family. Ah, and I see you brought your daughter as well,” he smiled broadly, giving Maia a little bow. “Although I hope you don’t intend to take her hunting as well, I could not guarantee her safety. The wyverns are quite poisonous.”

“Do not worry, your Grace,” Cassia said smoothly. “I am only here to cheer my sister on during the big hunt and will not join myself.”

Something between consternation and disappointment came to the Duke’s face, and Adriene quickly added, “We would not want to wake suspicion of collusion between parties and thus throw any shadow onto this wonderful hunt.”

Immediately, his face lit up. “Ah, how thoughtful of you!” he exclaimed, completely mollified, before he reached for Cassia’s hand and bowed over it to place a kiss on it. “Do not worry, my lady. We will endeavor to provide you with enough amusement even outside the hunt that you will not regret gracing our festivities with your illustrious presence.”

Cassia gave him a perfect smile as he let go of her hand again. “Of that I have no doubt, your Grace.”

Duke Prosper turned towards Adriene to extend the same honor to her. “And I am looking forward to having a worthy opponent in you, Champion. I will give you a little tip in advance.” He leaned towards her in fake familiarity. “Fortune favors the bold.”

Adriene smiled with all the charm she could muster. That was a useless tip if ever she heard one. “I will try to remember that, your Grace.”

Cassia came to her aid and turned slightly with a gesture towards the others. “May I introduce our party?”

Introductions were made, then the Duke’s attention was called upon by another arriving group. “Do not worry, Champions, we have anticipated a big party from Kirkwall, and have prepared a whole floor for you.” He waved towards an elven servant who stood nearby. “Gerard will show you the way. I look forward to seeing you all at the welcome banquet later.”

They said their goodbyes, and then they were led into the castle. The Duke had not exaggerated as he said they would have a whole floor to themselves. Thankfully, a few of the rooms connected, and the servant seemed utterly unbothered when they asked him to unlock a few of those connecting doors before he left them to get settled. It was obvious that he was used to people wanting to enter rooms not their own without arousing attention.

“This way, I can be both in your room and have my own room, this is perfect!” Isabela exclaimed, beaming at Adriene and Fenris.

“That bedroom is bigger than my whole house,” Merrill said, somewhat overwhelmed, and Bela threw an arm around her.

“Don’t worry, kitten, I’ll keep you company if you feel lonely,” she purred. She grinned at Cassia and Cullen. “And the two of you can have some private time as well with Maia close by but not too close.” She gave them a wink.

Cassia couldn’t help but feel awkward as she smiled back at Bela. Next to her, Cullen made a noncommittal hum as he nodded slightly. Cassia was about to say something to steer the conversation into another direction when a familiar voice sounded behind her.

“There you are!” came the clear and excited tone of Bethany’s voice to her ear, and Cassia whirled around in surprise. “We got here yesterday and have been waiting ever since!”

With a delighted, surprised squeak, Cassia flung herself at her little sister, hugging her as if her life depended on it.

“Bethany!” Adriene called out in excitement, hurrying over. “What are you doing here?”

“I came with Carver,” Bethany tried to explain, grinning as she shifted so she could see past Cassia, who still clung to her. “His commander is on an extended Deep Roads trip, so he had to go instead. Sebastian is here as well.”

“Cassia,” Adriene chided, “let go of her, other people want to say hello too!”

But Cassia refused to budge. “Nu-uh,” she murmured, “wait your turn, I’m not done yet!”

A moment later, Adriene’s arms closed around both of them as she decided not to wait for her turn after all and drew them both into a tight embrace.

“Maker, it feels like forever since I’ve seen you, Bethy!” Adriene mumbled, her voice treacherously choked up as she hugged her sisters.

“I know…” Bethany mumbled back, sounding just as choked up.

For the longest time they just held each other, until another familiar voice came from behind them.

“Do you think they’ll ever let go again?” Carver’s grin was audible in his words.

“It does not quite look that way,” Sebastian answered, obviously amused and touched at the same time.

A big hello, laughter, and many hugs followed as everyone was overjoyed to see each other again, and for a few minutes, the most wonderful chaos ensued until they finally settled in one of the bigger rooms instead of just standing around in the hallway.

Adriene grinned at Carver before she turned to the red-haired elf they had brought with them. “So, Tallis, what brings you into the illustrious company of a Grey Warden, a mage, and a prince?”

The elf grinned back. “Oh, we’re here on business,” she said.

“Warden business?” Fenris asked with a frown. “In the Vimmark Mountains?” He looked from Carver to Adriene whose eyes widened.  _ Oh shit, _ she hadn’t even made the connection before.

“Oh no, please don’t tell me…” she started, but Carver quickly shook his head.

“No, no, don’t worry. Nothing like the last time. And… it’s not quite Warden business.”

Tallis’ grin widened. “We’re here to steal something.” When she caught Carver’s exasperated look, she just shrugged. “What, you said we can trust your family.”

That got Isabela’s attention, and her whole face lit up. “Oh, how exciting! Can I come?”

“And leave us to do the hunting alone?” Adriene complained with a pout.

“Oh, come on, as if you need me to hunt a… what was it? Some kind of lizard? There’s no gold in that!” Isabela said with a wave of her hand before she turned back to Carver and Tallis. “In a treasury, however…”

Carver shook his head with a low laugh, looking at Cullen. “I now know what you meant with ‘she makes everything more  _ and  _ less chaotic’.”

“Told you,” Cullen just grinned.

“Fine,” Carver said to Isabela. “You can come. I can’t promise that you won’t miss other stuff, though.”

Bela waved her hand again. “Ah, I’ll make it work somehow.”

In another corner of the room, Varric clapped Sebastian on the shoulder as he saw Bethany settle into his arm. “Choirboy, I think I’ll have to find a new nickname for you, who would have thought,” he grinned. “What about your vows?”

Sebastian’s eyes had a soft, happy glow in them as he looked at Bethany. “I found a vow that is more important to me,” he just said.

“Good for you, Prince!” Varric said with a laugh.

Sebastian immediately held up a hand. “Ah, but I’m not a prince. I have not decided whether I will go back to Starkhaven.”

Varric seemed unperturbed. “I’m ahead of my time, mark my words.” He winked at Bethany with honest softness in his eyes. “I’m happy for you, Sunshine.”

“Thank you, Varric,” she smiled back before she turned to Cassia. “When Varric told us that you had an invitation as well and intended to attend, we could not  _ not  _ come. And I was so hoping you’d bring Maia, too. She has grown so much since I last saw her!”

“She has,” Cassia agreed. “Maker, it’s been so long!” With a deep sigh, she looked at her siblings. “We are living too far apart!”

“On that, we all agree,” Carver said with a smile. “But we should let you get settled in. There is an afternoon tea planned if you are hungry before dinner.”

“Not all of us have Warden appetites,” Adriene said with a wide grin only to be interrupted by Anders loudly clearing his throat.

“Some of us do, though,” he said with a grateful look at Carver. “And we definitely appreciate it!”

Laughter was still ringing through the air as they all went to find their rooms, getting their luggage sorted and settled in as the afternoon went on.

The afternoon tea came and went, giving them a chance to catch up over some delicious pastries, and before they knew it, darkness had fallen, and the official festivities, namely the opening banquet, began. 

Cassia was more than impressed by the sheer amount of food that was served. The hall the banquet was held in was impressive, both in size and in its lavish decoration, but even more impressive was that it was nearly completely filled up with guests that were enjoying everything that was offered to the fullest, yet the food never seemed to decrease in quantity. 

It was obvious that the Duke had not shied away from putting a small fortune into this event. On a small podium, there was a group of musicians, playing familiar melodies and more elaborate pieces without pause. Cassia went over to Isabela as she saw her friend lounging around at the side of the hall, seemingly lost in whatever she was looking at.

“Enjoying the evening?” she asked to make Isabela aware of her presence.

The other woman smiled at her as she nodded. “It’s alright. A little bit frustrating!” At Cassia’s questioning look, Isabela pointed at a table where Cassia could see Anders and Adriene sitting closely together, their heads almost touching as they seemed to be absorbed in an intense conversation. Cassia let out a small sigh as she understood Isabela.

“They are doing it again, huh?” she asked with a small laugh.

“They are doing it again! Ungh!” Isabela pushed herself off the wall and took Cassia’s wineglass from her to take a large sip before handing it back to her. “Oh, that’s a good one! I need to get myself some of that,” she murmured before looking at Adriene and Anders again. “It’s hopeless. I tried to gently nudge Adriene toward him so many times already, but she just won’t see reason.” With a disbelieving shake of her head, she turned towards Cassia. “She’s convinced he is not interested in her like that.  _ Anders. _ Not interested…”

Cassia was openly chuckling now. “It’s heartbreaking,” she agreed with a little snort. It wasn’t like she couldn’t see what Isabela found so frustrating about all of this. Cassia herself had often tried to steer Adriene into Anders’ direction — and had failed horribly each time. But as she was thinking back to those moments, another thought occupied her mind. She had tried to push Adriene an uncountable number of times. She hadn’t tried the same with Anders though.

“Bela, how about you take Adriene with you and away from that table for a moment,” she suggested with a sly grin. “Before we totally give up on them, I want to try one more thing.”

Isabela immediately perked up. “Oooh, you have a devious idea, I can see it in your eyes. I can’t wait!” She gave Cassia a grin and added, “And if that fails, too, we can always still lock them in a room and tell them that they’re only coming out once they’ve kissed.”

Cassia laughed. “Let’s definitely keep that in mind.”

Anders was in that blissful state where he had completely forgotten everything around him, completely engrossed in his conversation with Adriene. A few glasses of wine over the course of the last hours had brought that comfortable ease and relaxation that was somewhere between sober and drunk. It made it both easier and harder to enjoy the familiar closeness between the two of them. There were moments where he had to hold himself back not to get completely lost in her, relishing the small touches between them when they laughed or got animated.

Adriene seemed equally engrossed, and his heart swelled at the way she smiled at him. He didn’t even notice when Isabela came towards them, not until she was directly behind Adriene. And a second later, Isabela let her hands slide over Adriene’s shoulders from behind until she hugged her.

“Seagull,” she purred against her ear, brushing her lips over Adriene’s cheek. “I need to steal you for a moment. Sorry, Anders.”

Anders leaned back, quickly overplaying the way his smile had gotten somewhat lopsided with a chuckle. “No problem.” He gave them a deliberate wink. “Take your time.”

“Won’t take long, I promise,” Isabela assured him with a slight laugh in her voice, and Anders hid his smile behind his wineglass as he saw the touch of heat in Adriene’s cheeks. She looked torn as she looked from Isabela to Anders, but Isabela was already pulling at her chair. Anders couldn’t suppress the sliver of disappointment at being deprived of Adriene’s company, but it was gone as quickly as it had appeared. It wasn’t like he had any claim on her.

Adriene pushed her chair back and got up, her hand already seeking Isabela’s. “Don’t go anywhere, alright? I’ll be back,” she promised Anders who just nodded with a smile. Judging from the gleam in Bela’s eyes, they would be gone for a while, so he did not really expect her to be back.

Before Adriene could add anything else, Isabela grabbed her arm and pulled her away, leaving Anders alone at the table.

Before he could even start to feel sorry for himself, however, Cassia took Adriene’s place, smiling widely at him. Anders blinked in surprise, but Cassia wasted no time.

“Anders,” she said, getting right to the point, “I need to talk to you!” When he nodded to give her the go-ahead, Cassia gave him a serious look. “You know how sometimes people really like each other, but there is this thing they don’t talk about and everyone around them sees that it’s causing them pain, but they are just not… doing anything about it?”

Instead of the expected apprehension, there was only a warm smile on Anders’ face as he nodded.

“Absolutely, yes,” he agreed as he reached out to put his hand on Cassia’s arm. “I am relieved you came to me with this!”

This was not at all what Cassia had expected him to say and she blinked in confusion. “You are?” she asked with a frown. “Wait, you  _ wanted _ me to come and talk to you about this?” She felt slightly guilty all of a sudden as she tried to remember if he had ever given her any signs that we wanted her help with this before, but she came up with nothing.

“Well, ideally I would have wanted you to talk to someone else of course,” Anders said with a telling look. “But in any case, talking about this at all is a very good thing, Cassia!”

This was definitely not the conversation Cassia had planned for. “To someone else?” she echoed, trying to make sense of what he said. Did Anders want her to talk to Adriene for him? Had he wanted her to do that before already, and Cassia had simply missed it? 

“Of course,” he said in that moment, “but I know it’s hard sometimes. I just want you to know I am absolutely here for you if you need me. My help, my advice, whatever. Just tell me where the issue lies, and I promise you, we’ll figure out what you need to do.”

Slowly, Cassia started to realize that they were probably not talking about the same thing. It made no sense. “You’re here for _ me _ ?” she asked with a shake of her head. “No, no, no! I am trying to be here for  _ you _ ! To help you!”

Anders tilted his head in confusion. “So this is not about you and Cullen?”

“This is about you and Adriene and what I think you should do about that,” Cassia explained. “Because I know you are sick and tired of hearing this, but please, Anders, you need to talk to her!”

Anders let out a breath and leaned back in his chair with a shake of his head. Taking his glass, he frowned at Cassia. “You’re right,” he said simply.

Cassia blinked in surprise. This was not what she had expected him to say. “I am?” she asked, only to quickly add, “I mean, of course I am! So, I’m going to get Ad—”

Before she could continue, though, Anders interrupted her. “I  _ am  _ sick and tired of hearing this because we’ve talked about this so many times before! Cassia, what exactly do you think telling Adriene about my feelings would get me?” He made a quick gesture with his hand. “At best, her sympathy, at worst, it could destroy the trust she has in me for keeping it from her.” He shook his head. “And I really, really don’t want to risk our friendship for that.”

A line started to form between Cassia’s eyebrows as she frowned at him. This was decidedly not what she wanted to hear, but he was not quite finished. “You, however, don’t have such an excuse. So, please, Cassia, why are you not talking to Cullen?”

Cassia bristled slightly at the challenging undertone his voice held. “Good to know you are at least aware that that is what it is — an excuse!” she said, trying to keep her voice down. 

“I know I should talk to Cullen,” she added with a sigh. “Believe me, I do! The situation right now is almost unbearable, but you know what? I am just as afraid of ruining something important to me as you are!”

His earlier irritation at her meddling seemed to be completely gone again as he gave her a look full of sympathy. “Cassia, you two have had a strong relationship for years together. I doubt you can make that disappear that easily.”

“I don’t know,” Cassia murmured, “I think you could say in the best-case scenario, he will feel sorry for me, and in the worst one, Cullen might decide not to trust me anymore with certain things,” she mirrored the exact reasons Anders had just given her a moment ago. “And he might be right not to because I don’t know if I can trust myself anymore, and everything is just so messed up.” 

_ ‘It’s not messed up between you and Adriene,’ _ she wanted to tell him, but Cassia held her tongue, not wanting to actually make Anders angry with her.

“Cassia,” Anders said quietly, “can you not tell me what the actual problem is?”

With a sharp sigh, Cassia shook her head. “I don’t think that would be a good idea because I am pretty certain Justice would not like what I would tell you at all, and I’d rather not draw him out to tell me so right here,” she mumbled.

Anders’ eyes widened at that. “That bad?” he asked in alarm.

Cassia could nearly see his thoughts racing, but he seemed to discard whatever images her words had conjured for him immediately again as he shook his head once. Still, she didn’t quite know how to answer him, and after a second of tense silence, Anders leaned forward to take Cassia’s hand tightly between his.

His voice was deadly serious as he said, “Cassia, I know you and Cullen, and I know that your relationship is a loving one. But if you are that scared to talk to Cullen about whatever happened despite the obvious trust and affection that was between you before, there’s probably a good reason for it and you have to figure it out. I’m not going to press you to tell me, but please, talk to  _ someone.” _ Despite the party, music, and talk all around them, he lowered his voice somewhat as he added, “Whatever it is, it is clearly hurting you both severely. I’ve never seen you this distant. And from the looks of it, it’s not something that is just going to go away again with a bit more time. How long has it been? Four weeks? Five?”

“Five weeks and two days to be exact,” Cassia said, looking miserably at him. It hadn’t been her intention to make him this worried. To imply… “It’s not really anything Cullen did,” she started to explain. She had told Adriene as much before, but she was uncertain how to explain it further when she suddenly realized who she was talking to. This was Anders. Anders, who had been right there when she had experienced something similar before.

“You remember the Deep Roads? The way I felt before… you know, the thing between us?” she asked, and the shadow falling over his face told her enough. He remembered. “When Cullen drained me, it was a little like that, I think. I just… I didn’t fight it at all. I didn’t try to stop him; on the contrary, I encouraged him.” 

Anders’s eyebrows went up. “Oh,” he said softly, looking at her with sorrow in his eyes. “I thought that was a thing of the past.”

“So did I,” Cassia murmured. “And don’t misunderstand, I wasn’t trying to hurt myself. I just didn’t…”  _ I just didn't care what happened to me, _ she added in her mind, unwilling to give the words more substance by speaking them out loud. She swallowed heavily. “That’s one thing, something I am grappling with that is just about me, you know? But it is not even all of it when it comes to that night.” 

Cassia lowered her eyes, unable to look at him as she spoke, “Cullen and I, we have a way of being with each other, a dynamic that works wonderfully for both of us,” she said, carefully looking around to make sure no one else was within earshot. “But it’s—” she cleared her throat, trying to ignore the sliver of embarrassment welling up in her. “It is probably something not many people would understand. Or they would severely misunderstand. But as part of that, I promised him that I would put a stop to it if he ever went too far, you know?” Cassia still didn’t dare to look into Anders’ eyes. “And he never did! Go too far, I mean. Not a single time. Until that night when he was not himself, and I didn’t do the one thing I promised him. I didn’t stop it.” She bit her lip, her eyes focussed on the overly decorated tablecloth as she twisted the fabric of her dress in her hands. “I promised him so many times, and the only time it mattered, I didn’t do as I said, and now he feels awful about hurting me.”

For a long moment, Anders was quiet, contemplating her words. Eventually, he asked quietly, “Do you think he would have stopped if you had tried it?”

Cassia still didn’t look at him as she shrugged slightly. “I… don’t know.”

“Did you think he would hurt you? Were you afraid?”

Her eyes flickered up to him for the first time since she had started speaking, and Anders kept his face carefully neutral and open. Cassia knew that look only too well. He had the same expression when he asked patients for the cause of an injury or an infection. It could have been off-putting, but Cassia only felt grateful because she knew that whatever she said now, he would withhold any judgment. And she was only too aware that Anders especially was bound to have some misgivings about them due to their special circumstances as mage and templar. 

“Yes and no,” she answered quietly. “I mean, I knew what would happen, of course I did. How it would end, and that it would be anything but pleasant.” Another shrug. “But I wasn’t afraid.”

Anders just nodded once. “Then why would you have stopped him?”

“Because I promised, Anders, I promised him!” She didn’t know how to convey the utter helplessness she felt at the thought. She had assured Cullen so many times that he shouldn’t worry about anything between them. “I am the one that talked him into all of this in the first place,” she said with a shake of her head, and before she knew it, she was confessing even more to Anders. “There was another incident before this. Over a year ago, after Adriene came back from her trip with Carver.” It was something she had managed to almost forget about herself until recently. “I was losing control of my magic, and he drained it away, but as it turned out later, he didn’t mean to. Not consciously. He was so worried about that, and you wanna know what I did?” 

She was looking at Anders directly now as he slowly nodded and motioned her to go on. “I convinced him that it was nothing to worry about. Just like I promised him that I would stop things if he ever went too far, and now…” Cassia swallowed as she thought about her biggest worry of them all. “If I tell him this, if he knows I could have stopped him and didn’t? It could change everything. He might not trust me anymore to actually say no if I don’t want anything. Worse, it could taint everything that ever happened between us, and the thought alone…” 

Quickly, she pressed her hand over her eyes, forcing herself to not let any treacherous hint of a tear escape before she looked back. “I guess you are right, I don’t have any excuse not to talk to Cullen,” she said with a defeated sounding sigh. “Other than that I am terrified that it will break something I might not be able to fix.”

Anders took a deep breath, looking at her unhappily. “I wish I could tell you that your fears are unfounded, but that would be a straight-up lie. So… yes. It might,” he said softly. Cassia couldn’t help the flinch at his words. “But if you don’t talk to him about it,” he added, “it will  _ definitely  _ break something you won’t be able to fix. Because something this big, no matter how long you keep it buried, will come out one day. And the only way to tackle it is head-on. And preferably together.”

He was right. Cassia knew he was. It didn’t make the whole situation any easier. “I know,” she said with a sigh. “Back in Kirkwall, it was easy to avoid saying anything because of how little time we actually had for each other, and on the trip here there were constantly people around.” She knew she would have to find a way, a time and a place, a quiet moment with Cullen where they could clear the air. “I need to make some space for this to happen before we have to travel back or I won’t get the chance for a quiet moment for a long time, I fear.”

With an unhappy sigh, she looked at Anders. “You know he hasn't kissed me, like,  _ really _ kissed me other than a short brush on my cheek since the day before all of this awful mess started? Five weeks, Anders!” The thought of just how much she missed their closeness caused a lump in her throat that nearly choked all hope from her.

Again, Anders took her hand. “I figured something like this,” he said with a sympathetic look. “The distance between you two is rather obvious, especially to those of us who know you.” He squeezed her fingers. “And I know it grates on him, too, Cassia. He is just as afraid of this talk as you are. And the longer you wait, the worse it’ll get.” He gave her a small smile. “But the good thing is, you are here, away from Kirkwall, surrounded by friends and family who will do everything they can to give you the opportunity to find that time you need. I promise.”

“Thank you!”

Cassia didn’t have to force herself to smile at his words. It came fully on its own. “Really, I appreciate it!” Her problem wasn’t solved, and she wasn’t even any less nervous about it but still, somehow, talking to Anders made things feel a little bit better. Like her worry had become a little bit more manageable. 

“And now we’ve spent forever on my problems when I came here for an entirely different reason,” she said with a shake of her head.

“Cassia,” Anders started immediately, weariness back in his voice, but she held up a hand to stop him.

“I am not going to start again like I did before, I promise,” she assured him. Somehow, this whole thing suddenly felt strangely reminiscent of a talk she had with Fenris a while ago. 

“But can I ask you something, Anders?”

His eyes were still skeptical but he nodded regardless.

“Who do you think knows Adriene best, out of all of us here?” she asked plainly. “You? Fenris? Isabela?”

Anders’ brow furrowed, and he looked at her in confusion. “I don’t know,” he said hesitantly, obviously uncertain where she was going with this.

“I’d like to think it’s me, actually,” Cassia said plainly. “She is my twin sister, after all. Would you agree?”

“I guess?” Anders shrugged. “But I don’t get what—”

“So, if we establish that I know my sister better than all of you, it seems reasonable for you to believe me when I tell you something, right?” Before he could answer, Cassia put her other hand on top of his. “I completely understand why you don’t want to say anything to her, believe me, I do! But please, for the love of the Maker, believe me as well when I say this: You might think you know her heart, but you don't. Not like this, not until you’ve tried!”

“Try?” he asked with a small scoff. “What is there to try?”

“Anything,” Cassia replied with an intense look in her eyes. “Everything. Just try please, not just for her sake but for yours as well. Just the tiniest bit. Flirt with her. Give her something!” She took a deep breath. “I know how you feel, I’ve been afraid of rejection my whole life. I still am from time to time. I still dream about people wising up and seeing the worst sides of me, telling me that I must have been kidding myself to expect anyone to truly like me.” At his suddenly worried look, she shook her head. “No, don’t worry, I know that it’s not true and it’s not like it was back then, but it doesn’t stop the fear in my dreams sometimes, that’s just how it is. But everything I have in my life is because at some point, I managed to ignore all the things that could go wrong and tried anyway.”

A dry chuckle bubbled up in her at her own words. “And yes, I am very aware of my own hypocrisy given our earlier talk. The irony is not lost on me. But like you trying to help me, I genuinely only want to help you as well, so I am telling you: Try!” She smiled at him, holding his hand tightly. “The consequences could be bad, but maybe they are not, and as you said, doing nothing doesn’t help! Maybe we both need to ignore the fear and be a person that tries.”

Anders leaned back and let out a breath. “Fine,” he then said with a hint of exasperation in his voice. “If only so I can come to you tomorrow and tell you that it’s now your turn to be a person that tries.” He gave her a long look. “Maybe you might want to beat me to it, though, huh? No time like the present, right?”

“Tomorrow is just fine,” Cassia said with a little smile. “Tonight is your turn to try something.”

Anders chuckled with a little shake of his head. “You banded up with Isabela to do this, didn’t you?”

Cassia’s shrug was the perfect image of innocence. “I’m going to have to say that I have no idea what you’re talking about.” She gave him a wink as she got up again. “I’ll see you tomorrow,” she smiled. As she walked away, she gave one of the servants who were circling the crowd with trays of wine a sign to put two fresh, full glasses on the table, then she disappeared in the direction of where Cullen and Fenris were.

Anders took one of the wine glasses and took a big sip. Despite his earlier exasperation, he couldn’t help the sliver of hope at Cassia’s insistence. She was right, she was the person closest to Adriene, so there had to be a reason she so decidedly wanted him to throw caution to the wind, right? Even though he himself didn’t see what Cassia obviously had noticed.

His eyes fell to an alcove not far away where Isabela was talking to Adriene. Just as he watched, Bela wiped a strand of hair behind Adriene’s shoulder with that special look of hers, and he saw Adriene’s widening smile and a slight blush in her cheek. With a shake of his head, Anders turned his attention back to the glass in his hand. No. Cassia had it wrong. Adriene had never looked at him that way.

_ Except... _

Except for that one evening when she had lost herself in the lyrium, looking at him with such softness and longing that he had forgotten how to breathe for a moment.

And just like that, the hope was back with such a fierceness that he was close to getting dizzy. Looking back up, he saw Adriene on her way back to him, her smile nearly blinding.

_ Alright,  _ he told himself, smiling back. One try of flirting couldn’t hurt, could it?

“So, what was that about?” Adriene asked as she slipped back into her seat with a smile. Isabela had tried to keep her occupied with some ridiculous tale until Adriene had just interrupted her with a dry ‘Let’s find a drink until Cassia and Anders are done’. Now, she felt a slight buzz that told her she should definitely switch to water. After the glass that stood in front of her at the latest. “Or is it confidential?”

Anders looked at her with a strange intensity in his eyes as if he was trying to figure something out. “No, it’s… I tried to get her to talk to Cullen.”

Adriene snorted, throwing caution to the wind and took a sip from her wine. “I hope you had more luck than I did,” she said. “I tried in vain, more than once.” Her eyes lit up as a thought came to her. “Oh, you know what — let’s take Maia out one of these days if they don’t get a grip soon, on an extended tour of the castle and the grounds. Lock them in their room without distractions, so they finally talk! And…  _ talk _ if you know what I mean.” She sighed. “They no longer touch each other, it’s downright painful to watch.”

Anders nodded, a small smile in the corner of his lips. “I know what you mean.”

There was still this intensity in his eyes as he looked at her, and Adriene felt her heart stutter slightly. Normally, he didn’t look at her like this. People who flirted with her looked at her like this. Not Anders. Definitely not Anders.

The smile on her face widened as she tried to overplay her growing confusion. “What’s going on?” she asked. “Do I have something on my dress?” She looked down at herself, craning her neck in a try to get a glimpse of her neckline. “Please tell me I didn’t make a fool of myself on the very first evening by running around with food stains on my dress.”

“No, no,” Anders hastily assured her. “No, you’re not.” Taking a small breath, he added a bit more quietly, “You look lovely.”

Her eyes snapped back to his face, the confusion inside her growing. It was not unusual that they complimented each other, but there had been something in his voice that was not what she knew from Anders. A sort of gravity lay beneath his voice that was very unlike the light-hearted, friendly banter they normally had between the two of them. Slowly, she pushed her glass a bit to the side. If she thought Anders tried to flirt, she should definitely stop drinking before she made a fool of herself.

“Thank you,” she said somewhat belated, trying to ignore the heat in her cheeks, and smoothed her hands over the dark, velvety fabric. It was a dark green with golden accents that complemented her eyes, with a wide skirt and laced bodice that left her shoulders free. It was fancy enough to flatter their host but not so much that she’d feel uncomfortable in it. “It’s actually the last dress my mother had made for me in the vain hope that I’d wear it to one of her dinners. I’m pretty sure she never thought I’d wear it for an Orlesian party, though.” Her smile ended up to be utterly unconvincing, the black grief about her mother’s death that still jumped her at utterly random moments threatening to overwhelm her for a second.

“I’m sure she’d be proud,” Anders said softly, reaching for her hand as he saw her swallow hard.

Adriene closed her fingers tightly around his, grateful for the support, and nodded. “Of this?” she asked in a choked voice and quickly cleared her throat. She made a short gesture with her free hand to encompass the whole party, then nodded. “She actually might.” Not of much else, but this, Leandra might actually have approved of. Taking a deep breath, she let the grief slowly simmer down again until it had slunk back into the back of her mind where it usually dwelled.

Anders was still holding her hand, his thumb running slightly over the back of it. Suddenly, the air in the room felt too thick, and Adriene tried herself at another smile. “Do you want to take a walk in the garden?” she asked, drawing her hand back. “I think I need some air.”

Immediately, Anders nodded. “Absolutely. Sounds like a great idea.”

There was nothing unusual about his words, but something in the way he said them made her give him another look of confusion. But as she stood, she shoved it aside, blaming it on that last glass of wine that Isabela had made her drink far too quickly. Surely, clearing her head in the cool night air would help.


	21. The Burning In Our Hearts

Adriene took a deep breath as she stepped outside, trying to ignore the lingering tingle in her belly at Anders’ smile. She was being ridiculous, and she knew it. How often had they spent time with each other alone, had talked for hours — at parties or at home — and never had either of them crossed that invisible line between friendship and flirting. That didn’t change just because she was getting tipsy. No. They were friends, nothing more, and if she thought he was flirting, she was imagining things.

She gave him a short sidelong look, but Anders looked completely calm and relaxed as he walked beside her. Yes, she was definitely imagining things. Glad for the night air cooling her burning cheeks as they walked further into the gardens, Adriene took Anders’ arm as they walked, sinking back into that blissful relaxation she so often felt when she was with him.

For a few minutes, they just wandered the gardens, passing smaller groups of people here and there that were talking or laughing until they reached the emptier parts, giving them all the privacy they could ask for. After the music inside that had been amplified by people talking over it, the silence outside was blessedly soothing. 

“It’s weird,” she said after a few minutes of silent company and a bit of idle talk. “Now that we’re out of Kirkwall, everything seems so far away. As if it’s happening somewhere else. I mean, it  _ is _ happening somewhere else, but… you know what I mean.”

Anders chuckled. “I know what you mean. Even though I can’t really stop thinking about everything that is going on there.” His voice got a bit quieter as he added pensively, “It’s this constant worry in the back of my mind.”

Adriene looked up at him. “Justice?” she asked.

He lifted his shoulders once. “Partly.”

“Well,” Adriene started, tightening her grip around his arm for a moment, “tell Justice that for tonight at least, the worry can wait. It’ll still be there when we go back. But we  _ are _ allowed to enjoy ourselves every now and then.”

She more felt than heard his sigh. “Justice doesn’t agree.”

Adriene stopped and grabbed both Anders’ arms, turning him towards her and fixing him with a serious look. “He can hear me, right?” she asked, and a small smile lurked in the corner of Anders’ lips as he nodded. Adriene nodded in satisfaction, then she said, “Justice, listen. It’s like training. You can’t go as hard as you can all the time. If you do, you strain your muscles, and you can’t fight at all. You need breaks so you can consistently come back to the fight with more strength. This,” she gestured around them, “is our break. And we all need it.” Anders was still looking at her with that smile that crinkled his eyes, but Adriene ignored the rising warmth it caused. “So stop worrying,” she said with insistence, holding up a finger. “I mean it.”

For a second, Anders didn’t say anything, then the smile on his face widened. “Look at you, arguing with a spirit,” he murmured, a look in his eyes that made her feel breathless.

Adriene grinned with a shrug, quickly overplaying the blush that burned in her cheeks. “That’s me. A sort-of-mage or whatever I am.”

Anders raised his eyebrows. “ _ Whatever _ you are?”

“Well. You know what I mean,” she said placatingly, taking his arm again as they continued walking. They were in an empty part of the gardens, the lights from the illuminated buildings barely reaching them and throwing flickering shadows over the hedges and pathways. From far away, the music and laughter washed towards them, a soft background noise to their talk. “I’m not quite here nor there. Neither mage nor non-mage.”

Anders’ voice held that softness he always showed when he was concerned for her. “How are you dealing with it?”

“I don’t know. Fine, I guess,” she murmured. “Most of the time, I just don’t think about it. There’s no use in it anyway, right? I can’t change what happened.” She chewed on her lip as she was quiet for a moment, then she continued softly, “And if I do, I only start overthinking it. I mean, what does it mean? I don’t have magic, but there is something… odd about me that gains me nothing.” With a little scoff, she added, “Nothing but blighted demons in my dreams, anyway. Thanks for warding our room, by the way.”

“Think nothing of it,” Anders assured her equally quietly.

“And once my thoughts go there, I start questioning… everything,” Adriene said, staring into nothing as she let herself be led along by Anders. “Am I even… me? Or would I have been a completely different person if the ritual hadn’t happened?”

“Of course you’re you.” Anders had laid his hand over hers where she held his arm. “But… yes, I suppose there would be things different about you had you grown up with magic. Just like I would be different had my life taken another turn somewhere.”

“I suppose so,” Adriene murmured. Another silence fell between them, but it was not uncomfortable. A little wistful smile came onto her face as she said, “You know, after Cassia came into her magic, I prayed every night for my magic to appear as well. I was actually jealous of her.” She shook her head. “Ridiculous, now that I think back to it. But we were thirteen, and suddenly, she had all the attention, you know? And I  _ knew _ how unhappy she was, how guilty she felt. But still. A part of me envied her.”

“Well, you were thirteen,” Anders said. Adriene wasn’t looking at him, but she could hear the smile in his voice as he spoke. “When you’re thirteen, things are already difficult. Adding that on top of such a situation…”

Adriene sighed and smiled as well. “Very true. It made me so eager to prove myself in another way. I couldn’t be the center of attention of my family, so I at least tried to keep them safe from the outside. There were a few very stupid injuries because I wanted too much too quickly.”

“Ah. The training analogy?” Anders said with a sidelong look at her, and Adriene nodded with a little chuckle.

“Indeed. Wisdom gained through pain.” They continued for a few moments along the path, then she said more quietly, “I can’t help but wonder sometimes if magic was the only thing that was taken from me, though. If I’m… incomplete, somehow. Worse, if something that should have been my burden is now Cassia’s, adding to the load she already carries. If I’m the reason she struggles so much sometimes.”

“You’re not,” Anders answered immediately. He stopped and turned towards her with an imploring look. “Adriene, even though I can still only hypothesize what exactly your father did and what effects it had, of one thing I am sure. He took great pains to ascertain that no harm would come to the child. To you and Cassia. That included only taking a hold of the magic and nothing more.”

“And what part of you is your magic and what isn’t?” Adriene asked quietly. When Anders didn’t answer immediately, she prodded, “Where does it end?”

“I…” Anders started, only to trail off.

A small, sad smile was on Adriene’s face as she shrugged. “Anders, I’ve been around mages my whole life, I’ve seen you cast, and I’ve felt your magic. It…” She looked past him towards the torches illuminating the way every few meters as she struggled to find the words for that sensation. “It resonates with me, somehow. Somewhere deep inside. I know how integral your magic is to you, I can sense it. And that integral part of me… is no longer mine but Cassia’s.” She looked back at him, taking a deep breath. “So of course I wonder if I’m just an incomplete person. And at the same time, I know it’s useless to think about it all, so I try not to.”

“Adriene…” Anders said, and there was such gravity, worry, and sadness to his voice that she quickly shook her head. Adriene had lain awake whole nights in these past nine months since she had learned about the ritual that had ripped her magic away from her and that had burdened her sister with it on top of her own magic. She had tried to somehow make sense of it all, to try and find something within herself that could have told her earlier what had happened and had found nothing. She knew there was nothing to be gained from dwelling on something that could never be, so she tried to focus on what she had. On who she had.

“It’s fine, Anders, it truly is,” she assured him. “I’m going to make my peace with it eventually. And until then, I’m going to try and not think too much about what my affinity would have been. Although, I kind of doubt it would be ice, too.”

For a second, Anders looked like he wanted to press the issue, then he let out a small breath and shook his head. Matching her lighter tone, he said, “No, I don’t think it would have been. Potentially the opposite — fire.”

At his words, Adriene had to laugh. “You mean to say I’m hot?” she chuckled, then shivered exaggeratedly and drew her shoulders up in the cool wind that had come up. “I have to say that right now I feel anything but.”

“Being cold does not negate you being hot,” Anders said with a hint of a tease in his voice that stopped Adriene short for a tiny moment.  _ What? _

“Are you really cold?” he asked before she could react.

Adriene grinned a bit sheepishly, her mind still reeling from his remark. Shaking her head, she shoved the thought aside. “You know who you’re talking to, right? And this is definitely an indoor dress. Maybe we should go back inside…” She trailed off when she saw him shrug out of the feathery jacket he wore above his robes. “What are you doing?”

“I’m being gallant,” Anders said with a little wink and put it around her shoulders.

Adriene chuckled, contentedly snuggling into the warm fabric.  _ His warmth, _ her mind helpfully provided, sending a spark down her spine. “Why, thank you, Ser Gallant,” she said with a small curtsy. “That is very kind of you.” As she pulled it closer together in the front, the feathers tickled her face, and she crinkled her nose. “Still with the feathers, though,” she observed, and Anders laughed.

“Well, you can’t expect me to overhaul my wardrobe just because of one remark you once made,” he said dryly.

Adriene grinned. “A girl can dream,” she said offhandedly. “Also, Fenris was right, I’m going to get Isabela on my side, and then you’ve lost anyway.”

“Don’t worry,” Anders said, obviously confident in himself. “I can resist Isabela.”

At that, Adriene laughed out loud. “As a matter of fact, I  _ know  _ you can’t,” she said cheekily, nudging him into the side as they started to walk again.

Anders only smiled a bit subdued, giving her a sidelong look. “You… don’t mind that, do you?”

Adriene raised an eyebrow, looking back at him with a raised eyebrow. “No, why would I?” she asked in honest confusion.

Anders cleared his throat and shook his head. “No, of course, why would you,” he murmured.

“Seriousl—” Before she could even finish the word, one of the feathers tickled her lips and she started sputtering, trying to get them out of her face again.

Anders chuckled and stopped walking, turning towards her to run his hands over the feathers, smoothing them down the sides. “How do you do that?” he asked. “They never bother me.”

“Must be a weird talent. Maybe that’s what I got instead of the magic,” Adriene sighed over-dramatically, raising her chin slightly so he could get them all, grinning when he chuckled again at her words.

He looked up to meet her eyes, and her smile widened when she saw the twinkle in his gaze, a warm feeling tingling down her back. Just when she thought he would draw back, Anders paused, and the intensity from earlier that made her heart stumble was back, along with the confusion that accompanied it. Adriene barely dared to breathe as his fingertips touched her cheek in what nearly seemed like a caress, and a slight shiver ran over her skin. Her mouth was suddenly dry as she held utterly still.

“W-what are you doing?” she asked, hoping that he wouldn’t notice the slight hitch in her voice. He couldn’t have meant to… could he?

Before the undefinable emotion that seemed to grab her heart could even take root, Anders let his hand fall down with a defeated sigh, and the tension between them dissipated like fog in the rain.

“I should have known this wasn’t going to work,” Anders said, sounding almost annoyed as he took half a step back.

Adriene drew her eyebrows together in confusion. “What ‘this’?”

He shook his head, a grumble to his voice as he said, “I’m sorry, Adriene, I shouldn’t have listened to Cassia. In my defense, though, she was really insistent, and I promised her that I would try.”

Adriene looked at him, completely at a loss. “Try what?”

With another sigh, Anders gave her a sheepish look as he confessed, “Flirting with you.”

“What?” Adriene’s eyes widened at his words as a sudden suspicion woke within her, and she sucked in a sharp breath. “That’s why Bela suddenly pulled me away so Cassia could talk to you,” she said slowly in realization. The way Isabela had tried in vain to come up with some sort of story… they had banded together for this. Maker! What did they think? Her cheeks started to burn uncomfortably as she looked at Anders who seemed both embarrassed and uneasy with the whole situation. “I’m so sorry, Anders, they had no right and they shouldn’t have intervened, not even for my sake,” she said in a desperate bid to fix this, nearly stumbling over her words. “I told them to leave it alone! I can’t believe they would try to push you into something you so clearly don’t want!”

Anders made a quick gesture before she could continue, tilting his head as his eyes fixed on her. “Wait,” he said slowly, his eyes widening, “what do you mean ‘for your sake’?”

“I—” Adriene started, only to interrupt herself as she realized what she had said.  _ Oh no. _ Her heart started racing, and she could only look at him helplessly. “I, uhm… I mean, they were trying to…” she said again, but words failed her.

“Adriene, please tell me,” Anders said when she didn’t continue, something urgent in his voice as he asked, “what do you mean ‘for  _ your  _ sake’?”

“You weren’t supposed to know,” she whispered unhappily. “I know you don’t feel the same… and I didn’t want anything to change, so…” Adriene realized that she was babbling and stopped talking, closing her eyes for a second against the treacherous burning in them.

So this was it.

The moment that their friendship changed, the moment that could not be undone. Where all those times where they could be comfortable with each other, close to each other because they both knew clear boundaries, were inevitably over.

When she looked back at him, Adriene could see in his face that she did not even have to say the words for him to understand, his eyes wide as he seemed completely frozen. “I’m sorry, Anders,” she said softly. The way he stared at her was not helping, and she desperately struggled for words as she continued, “My feelings for you, it’s not… I mean… Blight.” With a defeated drop of her shoulders, she gave up. There was no use in this. “I’m sorry,” she murmured again and took a step back, suddenly desperate to get out of this situation. “Please just forget I said anything.”

And with that, she turned around and started to hurry away, back towards the party.

“Adriene, wait!” Adriene heard Anders call after her, and she realized she was still wearing his jacket.

Hastily, she fumbled at the fastening and shrugged out of it. The cold wind shivering over her did barely anything to cool the embarrassment burning in her skin, but she relished it nonetheless. As she turned around, Anders had nearly reached her, and she quickly shoved it into his hands, avoiding looking up at him before she left him standing again.

As quickly as possible without outright running, Adriene made her way through the garden and back inside, trying not to let her emotions get the better of her.  _ Shit, shit, shit.  _ This was not what she had hoped for. All she had wanted was to keep her friendship with Anders the way it was. If she couldn’t hope for anything else, that was the best she would get — and it was already more than other people had, so she was happy with it. But now? Now that she had stupidly blabbed her heart out and he knew that her feelings for him were more than friendship, everything would inevitably change. Even if they tried to ignore what had been said, it would fester in the silence, tainting every hug, every touch, every interaction. Pressing her lips together, she swallowed hard as she weaved through the people towards the door that led to the part of the castle where their rooms were. She would just go upstairs and to bed and ignore everything for the rest of the night. And probably cry for a while.

Adriene was just about to leave the festival hall when she heard Cassia’s voice.

“Adriene?” her sister asked in surprise, coming towards her with worry in her eyes when Adriene turned around, clearly upset. “Where’s Anders?”

“Why did you intervene, Cassia?” Adriene shot at her without answering her question. “What did you think would happen?”

“Well, I was hoping you’d be kissing each other right now,” Cassia answered slowly.

Adriene stopped short, blinking in confusion. “What?” she managed, her racing thoughts coming to an abrupt halt. That was definitely not the answer she had expected.

Cassia seemed to be torn between being exasperated and worried. “Yes! You  _ do  _ have feelings for him, don’t you?”

Adriene shook her head, completely bewildered at just what exactly her sister had been thinking. “So? He’s not going to suddenly want to kiss me just because you told him to flirt with me!”

“What are you talking about?” Cassia said, utter disbelief in her voice. “Adriene, the man is utterly in love with you! Has been for ages!”

For a moment, Adriene felt like the world stopped spinning. Anders? In love with her? It took a too-long second until the words sank in. Her question came before she had even properly realized she had opened her mouth to speak. “Since when?” she asked tonelessly.

“Maker, what did he even do?” Her sister let out an exasperated sigh before she said, “Anders has been in love with you since… well, probably since five minutes after you stormed the Chantry for him to find Karl.”

Wordlessly, Adriene shook her head, a feeling she couldn’t quite place closing around her heart. A wild mix of fierce, burning hope and debilitating disbelief rushed through her, taking her breath away. That couldn’t be true. It couldn’t! If it was, he would have said something, she would have noticed, right? Her eyes flickered to the wide, open doors that led into the gardens, and she saw Anders come in. He looked over the crowd, clearly searching for someone. Searching for her.

“You’re wrong,” she told Cassia, suddenly unable to face whatever was going on.

Cassia reached for her. “Adriene,” she started, but Adriene stubbornly shook her head, taking a step back and out of her reach.

“No. You’re wrong,” she repeated. “I’m going to bed.”

Turning around, she left her sister standing and hurried out of the room.

* * *

Adriene was sitting on the floor with her back to her closed door when Anders found her not much later. She had pulled the pins out of her hair on her way up, and the long unruly tresses curled around her face and down her back. Her eyes were red-rimmed from unshed tears. Adriene looked up when she heard steps approaching, letting out a long breath when she recognized him. Of course he would come after her. His eyes were full of warmth and hope, a hesitant smile on his face as he met her gaze, and her heart did a tiny flip at the way he looked at her.

“Fenris has the key,” she murmured in explanation as Anders paused a few steps away, clearly uncertain what to do.

“You could’ve picked the lock,” he said a bit hesitantly, and Adriene just wordlessly opened her hand, showing him the bent and broken hairpins.

“I tried,” she just said. “I was clumsy.” At his small chuckle, the ghost of a smile appeared on her face. “Don’t let Cullen know or he’ll take the whole door to use in their house,” she warned him.

Anders’ chuckle got louder. “I’ll try to remember it.”

The bit of humor eased some of the tension between them, and Anders offered her his hand. After just a tiny moment of hesitation, Adriene took it and let herself be pulled up. “I guess we should talk,” she mumbled.

“Yes,” he said equally quietly. He had let go of her hand again immediately after he had helped her up, and there was a notable distance between them. Adriene barely dared to look at him, completely uncertain what she could hope to expect. But after what Cassia had told her… she needed to know. There was no way back to what they had before anyway.

“I have the key to my room,” Anders offered, “since yours is out of the question.”

Adriene just nodded silently, following him a few meters further down to his door. He unlocked it and stepped aside to let her in, closing the door behind them after lighting the lamps with a flick of his hand. His room was smaller than the one she shared with Fenris and Isabela, but no less luxurious. A huge four-poster bed with heavy, dark curtains stood prominently at one wall, a smaller sitting area with a couch and two big armchairs near the fireplace. At another wall stood a writing desk, next to a huge, gold-adorned wardrobe. A door led to an adjoining bathroom. Big paintings and tapestries hung on the walls, and flowers had been placed in vases on several surfaces.

For a moment, Adriene just stood in the middle of the room, kneading her hands, unsure how to begin, and silence stretched between them.

“Adriene…” Anders said softly, and with a deep breath, she turned to face him. “About what you said in the garden—”

“Are you in love with me?” Adriene burst out with the first question that came to her mind, interrupting him without thinking, and Anders stopped mid-sentence. “Cassia said you were in love with me. Since… we met basically.” She made a helpless gesture. “That can’t be true, can it?”

Anders opened his mouth to answer, only to close it again, looking at her with burning eyes. Adriene felt her heart beat nearly painfully hard in her chest as she waited for his answer. The tension that had stood between them earlier was back with full force, and Adriene didn’t even know what she wanted him to say. She had been so sure of his feelings for her — or rather, lack of feelings — that, even though a part of her longed for him to tell her he reciprocated hers, another part of her questioned how good of a friend she actually was if it was true. How she could have missed something like this.

“It’s true,” Anders eventually said after a long, heavy pause, and Adriene sucked in a sharp breath, her eyes widening as her heart made a nearly painful flip.

“But…” she started, shaking her head, “you never flirt with me!”

“Nor do you flirt with me,” Anders pointed out, raising an eyebrow at her.

“Well, of course not,” Adriene huffed. “You told me off the one time I did! Remember?” Anders blinked at her, slowly shaking his head, and Adriene took a breath before she continued, “It was shortly after the Chantry, and I was trying to lighten the mood, saying something about your sexy tortured look, and you got all dramatic. ‘No, don’t go there, this is not going to end well, I don’t want to hurt you,’ the whole deal.”

“Oh,” Anders made, somewhat subdued after a short pause. “You’re right. I remember.”

Adriene made a somewhat helpless gesture. “I was respecting the boundaries you set! And when you started to flirt with others afterward, I thought it was, well, just  _ me  _ you didn’t want, especially since you were always so uncomfortable the moment I veered even into the direction of flirting.”

Anders shook his head slowly, a nearly comically disbelieving look on his face at her words. “Well, in a way it  _ was  _ you,” he admitted quietly. “Because with everyone else, it was never… serious. But you…” He took a small step towards her but stopped himself immediately. “Adriene, I always wanted you,” he said in a rough voice that sent a shiver down her back. “You make me want to forget everything around me. All I said back then is still true. You know what I am, about Justice. I'll always be hunted, and in parts for good reasons. It might not end well. But with you… I don't care about that anymore.”

Her heart beat so hard that she was half-certain that he could hear it, too. Deep inside her, a searingly hot emotion blossomed that made her unable to answer.

But Anders wasn’t done. Taking another step towards her, he continued intently, “Which is why I was so uneasy whenever you said something flirty. I know you, I know how you love to flirt, and that you’re open to casual adventures. But I also knew I could never be casual with you. Not like with Isabela.”

“Or Cassia,” Adriene said very quietly, her heart still hammering in her chest.

Anders flinched slightly, but then he nodded. “Yes. Or Cassia.”

“It… it really was casual, right?” she asked hesitantly. “Because I don’t want to be a substitute for my twin.”

At that, Anders stopped short, then he huffed a surprised laugh before something in his eyes softened. “Believe me, Adriene, you’re definitely not.”

Adriene let out a breath she hadn’t been aware she’d been holding, and a first smile appeared on her lips as she started to allow that seed of hope that had blossomed inside her to grow.

When Anders saw it, his whole face lit up, and he closed the last bit of distance between them. Still, he seemed hesitant to reach for her, but Adriene could no longer bear that deliberate distance and took his hand. He closed his fingers tightly around hers, looking at her with an intensity that made her whole body tingle, but he still did not make another move. He seemed to sense that there was still something on her mind.

“Anders, why didn’t you say something?” she asked softly. “All this time, and you never said anything.”

Anders’ shoulders sank with a sigh, but the look in his eyes didn’t change, holding her captive in its intensity. “Because I knew you didn’t feel the same way,” he said quietly. “I watched you fall in love with Fenris and Isabela, and you never looked at me the same way you looked at them, so… it would have gained me nothing and could have cost me everything. So I held back, made sure you’d never suspect me to have feelings for you beyond our friendship. I never wanted to risk you drawing back from what we had.”

It was surreal, hearing her own words that she had told herself so often coming from him. She couldn’t really blame him for doing the same thing she herself had done. “Oh,” she murmured.

“And for a while,” Anders continued, “I thought it would surely go away again. After all, you were so clearly not interested and oblivious of my feelings for you, you would think my heart would understand it one day.” He shrugged. “But then there was always something. A look, a smile, a touch, a word, and I was lost again.”

Adriene looked at him a bit unhappily. This sounded nearly like he would rather not be in love with her. “I’m sorry,” she said, but Anders immediately shook his head.

“No, Adriene, don’t be, please,” he said pleadingly, tightening his fingers around hers. “You did nothing wrong, on the contrary. And I’ve long stopped trying to fight it. Loving you is just a part of who I am.”

_ Loving you… _ At his words, her heart started to race, and her soft smile came back. Anders looked at her as if she was the most precious person in the world, his free hand coming up to wipe a strand of hair from her face, and for a moment, it was all she could do not to just kiss him.

But there was one other thing she needed to say before that, even though the excited warm tingle inside her was making her toes curl. “Loving me… even though you know you’ll always have to share me with Fenris and Isabela?” she asked hesitantly.

Anders just nodded a bit bashfully. “Isabela has been bugging me for ages to tell you how I feel. And Fenris was actually the one who told me to go after you when I couldn’t find you earlier. Returning the favor, he said.”

A relieved chuckle fell from Adriene’s lips and a part of her that had still been somewhat tense finally relaxed.

Anders’ face softened at the sound. “So… I haven’t misunderstood in the gardens, have I?” he asked carefully. “There is… you’re…”

“… in love with you?” Adriene continued his sentence when he trailed off, and her smile widened when he nodded. The nervous flutter in her stomach was back at the way he looked at her with a burning intensity. “I am. I have been for quite some time.”

Suddenly, his hand was on her face, caressing over her cheek until he cradled her neck, and for a second, Adriene forgot to breathe at the way Anders looked at her, heat crawling up her spine. “Truly?” he asked, barely audible, searching her eyes.

“Yes. Since before the Vimmark Mountains, I think,” she confessed.

At that, Anders’ eyes widened and he paused. “That long?!” he exclaimed.

Adriene nodded a bit bashfully before she tilted her head slightly, giving him a heated look. “I guess we have a lot of lost time to make up for.”

She could hear him suck in a sharp breath, then something in his eyes seemed to catch fire as he murmured, “I guess so,” before the grip on her neck tightened and he kissed her.

Anders’ kiss was nothing like she had imagined, and at the same time, it was everything she could have wished for. The moment their lips met, all the tension that had built up between them seemed to break free at the same time. He claimed her mouth with a passion and hunger that made her knees weak, unfurling all her senses. The heat that had started to curl in her belly rose to her chest, her heart racing, and Adriene let go of his hand to wrap her arms around his neck to get herself closer. With a small, breathless sound, Anders pulled her against him, and she opened her lips beneath his to deepen the kiss. When his tongue touched hers, the heat inside her exploded all through her body, burning away any restraints.

She could feel his hands roam over her back, linger in the small of her back before he ventured deeper, and she pushed encouragingly back into his hand. The moan that vibrated on her tongue seemed to wander all through her, and without breaking the kiss, she started to undo the fastening of his jacket. His hands came up to help her, and quickly, they had disposed of the jacket and outer layer of his robes. Still, their lips remained sealed, despite their feverish tugging on buckles and laces. Adriene couldn’t get enough of his kiss, of the little sounds that resonated within her, heightening every touch and movement until she felt like she could no longer bear to be apart from him.

Clawing her fingers into the fabric of his tunic, she pulled him backward until she felt the bed against the back of her legs. Anders’ fingers had wandered from her behind to her hips, holding her tightly, and still kissing her, he turned around with her in his arms. The next moment, he was sitting on the bed, and Adriene found herself straddling him, her skirt riding up around her and the proof of his arousal pressing against the heat between her legs. Kicking her shoes off, she rolled her hips slightly, coaxing a deep groan from him that vibrated against her lips.

She felt the slight tug on the laces of her bodice as his hands purposefully moved from her hips up to her breasts, and eagerly, she shrugged out of the sleeves of the dress as soon as it was loose enough. It didn’t take much until the fabric slid from her breasts to pool around her waist and Anders’ mouth wandered from her lips down over her neck.

A throaty moan fell from her as she felt his lips close around the already stiff peaks of her breast, making her twitch under his hands. Her head fell back, fingers buried in his hair as he moved from one to the other, sending a shiver of pleasure straight to her core. Arching into his touch, she rubbed herself against the hard bulge between her legs as his teeth scratched over her nipple, making her gasp. Every sound she made seemed to spur him on, and soon, she was twitching under his ministrations while he was still fully clothed beneath her.

“Anders…” she whispered, her voice rough with want, tugging at his tunic and sliding her hands beneath it with a purposeful movement as he let go of her to give her a heated look. “You’re wearing too much.”

Giving him a breathless smile, she ran her hands appreciatively up his torso, tracing the lines of his body until she could help him pull it over his head. He was more muscular than she had expected, but when she thought of the way he wielded his staff even in close quarters, she wasn’t really surprised. The look in his eyes as Anders came out from under the tunic to carelessly toss it aside sent heat straight to her core, and she moved slightly back to nestle at the laces of his breeches before she had to give that endeavor up when he pulled her close against him. A needy sigh fell from her as his lips moved from her mouth to her jaw, and the feeling of him kissing and nipping along her neck and down to her shoulders nearly distracted her from his hands running up her legs.

There was a moment of confusion when Anders’ fingers found the rim of her high stockings — and the knives strapped to each of her thighs. He looked up at her with a bewildered look, and Adriene chuckled breathlessly.

“What? You don’t expect me to go to an Orlesian party completely unarmed, do you?” she asked cheekily, flicking her skirt up and throwing them aside.

His chuckle rumbled deep in his chest, and he shook his head. “I shouldn’t be surprised,” he murmured before he pulled her back into another deep kiss, teeth grazing her lips and sending shivers of anticipation through her. His hands moved higher, stopping again when he found the curve of her ass, and his eyes flew open. Adriene smiled against his lips. She had certainly hoped  _ someone _ would appreciate her not wearing anything beneath the dress this night, but she had definitely not expected it to be Anders.

“I have a bet going with Isabela,” she murmured in a low voice and gave him a heated look, “that has to do with skirts and opportunities.”

“All… skirts?” Anders asked, his fingers digging into her skin.

Adriene nodded, her lips wandering along his jaw to his ear, taking the lobe between her teeth and giving it a little tug. “Mhm…” she hummed affirmatively, trailing her lips back to his mouth.

“So at all the dinners with those nobles you hosted, where you sat next to me, you were…” he murmured, one hand wandering from her ass over her hips to where she was spread over him, and her breath caught in her throat as his fingers brushed over her core, finding her already very wet.

“Mhm,” Adriene confirmed, but the sound broke on her moan as he dipped a finger into her folds and started to stroke her clit with slow, deliberate touches, heat radiating all over her from where he touched her. She gasped silently as he seemed to find the perfect rhythm nearly instantly.

“Maker, Adriene, you have no idea what you’re doing to me,” Anders groaned, the low growl in his voice sending a tremor over her that was accentuated with the teasing of his fingers. His eyes were wide and dark with lust, fixed on her face as if he wanted to seal every movement, every motion, every expression into his memory, and she gave him a breathless smile.

“Actually,” she mumbled, her eyes burning into his and her voice trembling with the growing tension swirling deep in her belly, her hand falling between them to the bulge in his pants and giving him a deliberate squeeze, “I have a pretty good idea right now.” His moan was answered by one of her own as he sank a finger into her at that exact moment, giving the slow build-up of pleasure inside her a sudden surge. “Oh…” She grabbed his shoulder as he moved his hand in and out of her. Finding his mouth with hers in a desperate kiss, she held on to him, lost in his touches. A shiver ran over her body, curling more and more tightly deep inside her as a second finger joined the first and his movements got quicker until she was all but writhing against him, her release just a hairsbreadth away. Breaking away from his kiss, Adriene gasped, every breath chased by a whimpering moan.

“Anders…” His name was a plea on her lips as she desperately bucked into his hand, “Anders, please, I need…” She wasn’t even sure what she wanted to say as a sudden spark raced from where he touched her along every inch of her skin, and with unexpected intensity, she came undone, shuddering against him as her pleasure washed through her.

Her heart was still racing, small shivers running over her when Anders took his hand off her and she sank against him, her forehead touching his, arms wrapped around his neck.

It took her a moment until Adriene found her voice again, her breath shuddering and heavy. “That was…” she muttered, only to trail off, unable to find the words.

“Magic,” Anders said somewhat smugly, and Adriene’s eyes flew open. She stared at him, a disbelieving laugh falling from her lips.

“Seriously?” she asked and he nodded with a little shrug.

“So that was what Isabela meant,” she murmured and shook her head. “Unfair advantage, that’s what it is,” she admonished him.

Anders gave her a devious little grin. His hands had settled on her hips again, just above where the fabric of her dress was gathered, this thumbs making small movements over her skin. “Are you complaining?” he asked mischievously.

Adriene huffed a laugh. “Definitely not,” she said before she drew him into another languid kiss. Her hands wandered from his neck over his shoulders down to where she could still feel his arousal straining against his pants. “Didn’t I tell you that you’re wearing too much?” she whispered and gave him a heated look. She tried to move off him, but Anders’ hands on her waist tightened, and she drew back from another kiss. “Don’t worry, I’m not done with you.”

Somewhat hesitantly, Anders let go of her, and Adriene slid down from his lap. She pushed her dress over her hips and stepped out of it, while Anders pulled his boots off and stood to remove his breeches. He was already opening them when she was back with him, her hands drawing his aside.

“Let me,” she purred against his mouth before she flicked her tongue over his lips, drawing a breathless sigh from him that made her shiver. As she kissed him, she pulled the laces open and freed him from his breeches, his moan shattering on her tongue as she gave him a few experimental strokes.

Anders grabbed one of the poles of the bed for support as Adriene sank down onto her knees before him, pulling his pants down and off him. But instead of getting up again, she closed her hand over his length, her thumb stroking along the underside as she smiled up at him. His mouth fell open as he tangled his free hand in her hair, brushing it away from her face so his view was unobscured.

A shuddering breath fell from Anders’ lips as he looked down at her, completely mesmerized, his eyes incredibly dark. The look of utter need on his face sent a renewed streak of heat over her naked body, and she let her tongue follow the course of her fingers. A broad swipe of wet heat along his cock drew a low groan from him, and the fingers in her hair tightened slightly as she closed her lips around the head, gathering the leaking drop with the tip of her tongue.

“Sweet Andraste, Adriene, I—” Anders’ voice broke with a deep moan as she took him fully into her mouth without forewarning. Adriene had one hand on his hips, the other at the base of his shaft as she lowered her head onto him, the slight tug of his hand on her hair reverberating deep inside her. With every rise, she let her tongue slither over the head of his cock before she took him back deep into the hot wetness of her mouth, lips stretched around his width.

The delicious, desperate sounds falling from Anders’ lips were sending shivers down her spine, and soon, he started to rock into her, gently first as if he wanted to hold back. Adriene hollowed her cheeks with an encouraging little sound as she started to suck him in earnest. His answering moan was accompanied by an involuntary, painful pull on her hair and an erratic thrust deep against her throat that made her gasp around him.

Immediately, the fingers in her hair loosened, and Anders pulled back out of her with a worried, “I’m sorry! I didn’t mean to.”

Adriene took his offered hand to get up and shook her head with a small smile. “All good,” she murmured, rising on her toes to kiss him again as she pressed herself against him. “I don’t mind hairpulling.”

“Good to know,” Anders rumbled, his hands running along her side and to her back, holding her close, a tingling feeling against her skin rekindling the flames of her desire into a searing heat. His kiss got more insistent and the next moment, Adriene found herself lifted and lowered onto the bed. Eagerly, she wrapped her legs around his hips, feeling the slight throb of his length gliding over her slick heat and she moaned into his mouth. With little movements, she tried to line him up with where she wanted him most, and the slight smile against her lips made her groan in frustration as he escaped her again.

“Anders,” she panted, her voice breaking on a needy whine as he rubbed over the puckered nub between her folds, sending a desperate shiver over her. “Please!”

His voice seemed to wrap itself around her as he brushed a thumb over her lips, looking at her with so much tenderness and lust that she felt her heart skip a beat. “What do you want?” Anders asked huskily.

“You. I need you,” Adriene breathed, “now!”

The words seemed to loosen something in him, a wild expression coming into his eyes, and then he was finally breaching her with one slow, deep thrust, seating himself inside her. Adriene was so riled up that it was nearly enough to undo her and with a deep moan, she let herself fall completely into his hands, everything around them disappearing behind the haze of heat and desire. Anders’ lips were back on her neck, the stubble on his chin grazing her racing pulse as he quickened his pace with every successive thrust, one hand gripping her ass tightly as he angled her just perfectly. She could only hold on, small desperate movements of her hips urging him on as he buried himself deep inside her. Her pleasure left her in breathless little sounds, and soon, the tension surged up through her from where he was setting an unforgiving pace. Throwing her head back and arching into his touch, she came again with his name on her lips. She was still in the throes of her orgasm as Anders buried his face at her shoulder, the movements of his hips becoming nearly punishing as he spilled himself deep inside her.

Adriene had one hand entangled in his hair as she found she could breathe again. Anders was still on top of her, shivering in her arms, and a warm feeling washed through her as she placed little kisses alongside his neck.

“I love you,” she whispered, letting her tongue run over the shell of his ear and giving his lobe a little tug.

She felt him freeze for a moment, then he lifted himself up on one elbow, looking at her with burning intensity. “Can you say that again?” he asked softly, and the vulnerability in his voice tore at her heart.

Adriene smiled tenderly, cupping his cheek into her hand as she looked at him with all the sincerity in her heart. “I love you, Anders,” she said.

For a second, he seemed unable to say anything, his eyes bright as he looked down on her. “Adriene…” he whispered hoarsely, nearly reverently. “I love you, too.”

This time, their kiss was so soft that she nearly felt like she dreamed it, and as she lost herself in his touches again, she knew that she no longer cared that their friendship had changed irrevocably. This was indefinitely better.

* * *

The soft murmur of Adriene’s voice reached Anders' mind and brought him to the brink of consciousness. His thoughts were still muddled from sleep, and it took him a moment to realize that she had not been a figment of his dreams. That the soft voice next to him was indeed hers, that it was Adriene who was twitching slightly in her dream in his arms, her back against his chest, and her ass pressed firmly against him. The feeling of her warm curves against him shot a streak of mindless lust straight to his loins, and before he was even quite awake, he felt his cock stir, already half erect as she rubbed herself against him. With a low moan, he reacted, lifting his hips into the curve of her ass before his eyes snapped open and he stilled in his movement.

It was not the first time that he had woken with Adriene in his arms, it wasn’t even the first time he found himself aroused by her mere presence, but it was the first time they were both stark naked, and for a very confusing second, Anders panicked. But the second he instinctively tried to draw back, Adriene let out a sigh, stopping him in his tracks, his pulse throbbing low in his belly.

An unintelligible string of words, only interrupted by the occasional sigh fell from Adriene’s lips before she stilled again in his arms, her breath deep and regular. She was still sleeping. The short moment had been enough to bring back the memories of the night before, and Anders let out a long breath, relaxing against her.

She had told him she loved him. She had kissed him. She had made love to him.

_ Maker.  _ A warm shudder went over Anders at the memory, and he smiled in giddy happiness against her skin as his heart skipped a beat. His hand traced the curve of her thighs to her hips and waist, slowly wandering upwards while he placed little kisses on her shoulder and neck. There was disbelief warring with euphoria inside him at the thought that she was truly here in his arms. That she was truly  _ with _ him.

Her slight movements told him that she was on the brink of waking, and his hand snaked around her to find the swell of her breast. As he started to circle her nipple with his fingers, it hardened in response to his touch, and a deep sigh fell from Adriene’s lips.

“Good morning,” she murmured, snuggling back against him.

Anders pressed a kiss beneath her ear. “Morning,” he smiled, closing his fingers more firmly around her breast and coaxing a small moan from her.

She leaned into him where his arousal was pressed into the softness of her behind. It took her only a slight shift, an opening of her thighs, and his hard length slid between them, causing his breath to lodge in his throat as she ground back against him. He could hear the smile in her voice as she added, “And what a  _ good  _ one it is indeed.” 

Anders could only hum his agreement against her skin as he rocked himself against her, his hand wandering from her breast up to her throat where he could feel her pulse beneath his fingers. Adriene’s hand came behind her, pulling at his hips to get him closer.

“What you told me yesterday,” she murmured, her voice still slightly scratchy from sleep, “that you’ve always wanted me. Is it… true?”

Anders moved slightly against her, rocking his already leaking cock into the curve of her ass, and a small moan fell from her lips at the feeling. “Yes,” he breathed, his hand at her jaw turning her head slightly so he could run his tongue over the shell of her ear. 

“Anders,” she whispered, and he felt like he would never get enough of the way she said his name, so full of need and emotion, “I’m yours.”

Anders sucked in a sharp breath at the vulnerability in her voice, the open softness that seemed to lay itself around his heart. Lifting himself slightly on one elbow, he found her lips, kissing her slowly and intensely while his hand wandered down her body. He was still shallowly rocking against her, and the way she trembled beneath his hand, her breath shuddering against his lips when he finally reached the valley between her legs brought a feeling of deep longing. She opened her legs as wide as her sideway position allowed, and as his fingers dipped between her folds and started to stroke the hard little nub, he found her already surprisingly wet.

A low, encouraging groan was her answer, a slow push backward seating him more firmly between her thighs, the head of his length teasing against her slick heat. He increased the pressure of his finger, making her twitch beneath his touch, and Anders felt every movement as a pulse in his cock. For a few moments, he continued to tease her, every flick of his fingers over her clit accentuated by a shallow thrust of his cock that was not quite breaching her. Adriene’s voice was a whimper against his tongue and the way she started to buck into his hand, her fingers digging into his hips, told him that she was close.

The effect her open lust had on him was incredible, and Anders moaned deep in his throat, still moving unhurriedly against her, trying to hold himself back, to draw out the sensations as much as he could. But Adriene seemed to have other plans.

“Anders, please,” she panted, her eyes clouded with desire as she arched into his touch. “I need—”

The sound of her voice as she begged, pleaded, was nearly more than Anders could bear, sending a streak of heat directly into his loins, and without even meaning to, he thrust forward with more force than intended. She was so pent up, slick and ready for him that he breached her with ease, seating himself deep inside her with a single thrust, drawing a deep, growling moan from him as he sat still inside her. His hand snapped to her hips, holding her still as she tried to move.

“Please, Anders… more!” His name was a whimper on her lips as she clutched at him, and Anders drew a shuddering breath, his whole body tingling with the sensation of her heat around him. He had wanted to take more time, but the combination of the small sounds from her and the feeling of her body against his was nearly too much to bear, and with a low moan, he started to move, burying himself inside her.

Every thrust was met with a low groan from her, and quickly, every thought of prolonging the moment was lost in the feeling of her quivering around him. Their joint moans and hoarse pants filled the room as the heat gathering deep in his belly curled tighter, and he buried the growl from his throat in the curve of her shoulder as he used all the leverage he had to thrust into her.

It didn’t take long until he could feel the hold she had on him become strangling and with a low cry, she came undone. The feeling of her twitching on his cock caused the tension inside him to snap, and Anders groaned as he pulled her tight against him, slamming his hips into her as the waves of his orgasm rolled over him. Adriene gasped in his arms as he continued to bury himself inside her throughout his release, thrust after thrust spilling himself into her.

When the world came back into focus, Adriene had pulled his arm tight around her, her legs intertwined with his, and her breath still ragged. For a while, they just held each other while their pulse slowly came back to normal. Eventually, Anders pulled slightly back so Adriene could turn around.

Her eyes were bright as she snuggled into his arms and kissed him, and his heart did a flip as a wave of happiness surged through him.

“Do you know how often I had to very quickly disentangle myself from you in the morning when you snuck into my bed during the night?” he asked somewhat cheekily. “Just so you wouldn’t notice just how much your presence affects me.”

Adriene chuckled. “Good thing that that is over,” she said while her fingers traced his face. A loving smile was on her lips as she looked at him. Anders brushed his thumb over her lips before he kissed her softly.

“So…” he said when he drew back again, “how do we…”

“How do we do this?” she finished his sentence when he trailed off.

Anders nodded. Since he had never anticipated that being with Adriene was an actual option, he had never thought further about the way a relationship with her would look like. He knew that her relationship with Fenris and Isabela worked that well because they all loved each other, but he couldn’t quite imagine how he would fit into that.

Adriene shrugged. “Honestly, I don’t know,” she confessed. “I never thought this far.” She smiled at him. “You already live with me, so that’s a plus. Fenris is barely in his mansion anymore either, just Isabela is still going back and forth a lot. We will have to find some sort of arrangement, but I know we’ll make it work. I guess at one point we should all sit down and… talk.”

Anders raised an eyebrow at the slight pause, his lips twitching. “Talk, hm?”

Adriene’s grin widened. “That’s what I said, right?” She snuggled closer to him. “But honestly, I’m not worried. We’ll just take it as it comes.”

Anders’ hand slid over her back as he trailed kisses from her mouth to her ear. “I’d rather take you as you come, to be honest,” he murmured against her skin, her sharp intake of breath at his words making him smile.

“Sweet Andraste, please don’t tell me the talk about Warden stamina is actually true,” she said, a slight rasp to her voice that sent a shiver down his spine.

“It is,” he answered, teeth grazing over her shoulder before he smoothed his tongue over it. The shuddering of her breath as she let it out brought another smile to his lips, and when he kissed her again, the underlying heat in their touches seared into a hot flame again.

Just at that moment, a sharp knock at the door made them both pause and look over to the door.

“I really don’t want to open it right now,” Anders grumbled.

Adriene chuckled. “Send away whoever disturbs us?”

He sighed a bit unwillingly, but Adriene already put a hand on his shoulder to slightly push at him. “The quicker you are, the quicker you’re back with me,” she murmured with a smile.

Anders gave her a small shake of his head, then he sat up to fish his pants from the floor and put them on. “I’ll be right there,” Anders called towards the door, while Adriene stretched languidly on the bed, smiling teasingly at his appreciative look.

“You’re mean,” he told her quietly, but she only grinned as he stood up to walk through the room.

A moment later, he opened the door.

“Good morning,” Fenris said with a knowing smile on his face.

“Fenris, good morning,” Anders breathed, heat rising into his cheeks at the realization that Fenris  _ knew  _ what he had been doing last night. But his friend seemed completely unbothered and relaxed. And decidedly more well-rested than Anders felt. Not that he was complaining.

“I was just going to check whether Adriene still wants to join the hunt today or if you two rather need the day for yourselves,” he said.

“The hunt!” Adriene called out from somewhere behind him before Anders could even react, followed by the sound of a blanket being thrown aside and naked feet scuffling over the floor. “Shit, I nearly forgot. I’ll be right there!”

Then the door to the adjoining bathroom fell shut.

Anders blinked and exchanged a look with Fenris who seemed decidedly amused. “I, uh… I guess that’s how it’s going to be?” he asked a bit hesitantly.

“I guess so,” Fenris nodded, a smile curling the corner of his mouth. “I’m glad it all finally worked out. My next move would have been to just plainly tell you and lock the both of you into a room.”

Anders stared at him. “You…” He interrupted himself before he could finish the question. “Of course you knew,” he murmured with a shake of his head before he smiled at his friend. “Thank you. For encouraging me.”

Fenris only nodded. “You did the same for me, remember?”

At that moment, the door to the bathroom opened again, and Adriene hurried through the room to the door, sneaking under Anders’ arm as she looked out of the door, hiding her naked form behind it.

“Good morning, love,” she beamed at Fenris. “I can’t hunt in a dress,” she added meaningfully.

Fenris just held up a hand with a bundle of clothes Anders hadn’t even noticed until now. “I figured as much, amata,” he said, his eyes gleaming with amusement as she grabbed it immediately and disappeared back into the room.

Anders couldn’t help but turn around to watch her as she quickly put on the clothes Fenris had brought her. She seemed completely at home. It wasn’t something new per se; she had never been squeamish and always been at ease in his presence, but the knowledge of the night before alone gave it all a new meaning that lay warm and soft around his heart.

“Anders, I’m stealing one of your hairbands,” she told him while she pulled on her boots. 

“I can see that,” he smiled, eyeing her ponytail, and Adriene chuckled, fixing her weapon’s belt around her hips. “Well, if you’re on the hunt today, I’ll go make Cassia and Cullen talk,” Anders added as she came towards him.

“Oh, good idea,” Fenris mumbled at the same time that Adriene called out an enthusiastic ‘Yes!’. “That is long overdue as well, and she’s not listening to me.”

“I know the feeling,” Anders agreed with a sigh.

“Good luck with Cassia,” Adriene said, rising onto her toes to kiss Anders. “I’ll see you later,” she whispered against his lips, a promise in her eyes.

“Have fun on the hunt,” he smiled.

As Anders watched Adriene take Fenris’ hand and kiss him before they turned to leave, he found himself far less disappointed about the abrupt end of their morning together than he would have thought. The overwhelming happiness at the knowledge that she would come back to him with the same smile, the same love in her eyes far outweighed the sliver of frustration at the interruption.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Come talk to us on [Tumblr!](https://intoourmultiverse.tumblr.com)


	22. Promises Kept

Cassia had just finished getting dressed as someone knocked on their door. She had been up for a while already, taking her time with her morning routine. Through the open windows, she could already hear the busy commotions of small groups getting ready to leave the castle for a first trip around the area. Rays of sunshine fell inside and the skies were almost blindingly blue, promising excellent weather for the hunters. Cassia knew Adriene and Fenris to be among them, and she silently wished them the best of luck on the first, smaller hunting trip, when she went to answer the door.

Behind it stood Anders with a wide smile on his face.

“Good morning,” he greeted, looking remarkably chipper given how much wine flowed last night at the welcoming feast. “Is Maia already dressed?”

“Good morning to you too,” she answered, looking at him questioningly. “And why exactly?”

As if he only realized now that Cassia might need additional information, Anders chuckled lightly to himself. “I’m sorry, I’m afraid we made a lot of plans without you.”

Cassia’s eyebrows rose up. “We?” 

“Last night, Adriene and I talked,” Anders started, and immediately, Cassia’s confusion turned into a wide grin.

“I sincerely hope you did much more than that,” she said with a wink, thoroughly enjoying the hint of a blush on Anders’ face.

“Well, maybe, yes, but we also talked, and we made a plan for today,” he said. The smile on his face was almost disgustingly sweet, Cassia thought, feeling nothing but happy for him and Adriene. But something didn’t make sense.

“What plan though,” she asked, “Adriene is out scouting, right?”

Anders nodded. “She and Fenris already left, but our plan wasn’t for us, it’s for you. Well, you and Cullen.” When Cassia just kept looking at him with a question on her face, he elaborated. “We all agreed you two need to talk, and you need time and no interruptions for that. So I am going to take Maia today, and the two of us are going on an adventure of exploring the castle which gives the two of you time to talk!”

“Oh,” Cassia let out a nervous breath. “You mean, right now?” It wasn’t that she hadn’t made plans about talking to Cullen while they were here at some point, but the sudden imminence of it all sent a spark of anxiety through her. She did her best to push those feelings down. Anders was right after all, this would give them the time and the space Cassia wanted. And it had to happen sooner or later.

“Right now,” Anders said with a nod. “Adriene agreed with me. She and the hunting party will be gone all day, scouting out the area. Bethany and Carver left even earlier this morning with Isabela and that elven woman that came with them. They said to not expect them back before dinner, and Merrill and Varric will join me and Maia for a picnic breakfast soon.” He was smiling brightly at her. “So you see, no interruptions for you, no excuses to not do this today. Your time to try!”

Cassia was almost a bit overwhelmed for a moment. It seemed they had planned for everything, leaving her no loophole to get out of this. Eventually, she sighed somewhat defeated and nodded. “Alright,” she agreed. “You made your point. Cullen was just helping Maia get dressed so she should be ready any moment.” 

“Wonderful,” Anders said before he narrowed his eyes at her. “And no backing out of this! Adriene jested about locking you two into your room until you spit out whatever it is you need off your chest, but that would be a bad idea for safety reasons alone. I am fully serious, though, when I say I don’t want either of you to leave this room until you’ve made an honest try to clear this up!”

There was an intense look on his face, telling her Anders meant every word. In a way, it calmed Cassia’s nervousness down to see just how much everyone around her cared about them, wanted to help them. 

“You’re really going there, huh?” she said with a smile. “Putting us under house-arrest? What if we get hungry?”

“All taken care of,” Anders said with an aside wave of his hand. “I’ve arranged for someone from the kitchen to bring you a big breakfast and some snacks for later.” With a wink, he added, “And if we don’t see you two at dinner, we’ll send something up.”

A pang of unease went through Cassia at the insinuation, stirring her concern that what they needed to talk about could perhaps not be as easily and as quickly resolved as Anders suggested. But she shoved that aside for now.

“Wow, you planned a lot I see,” she said instead. “Please tell me you didn’t spend the majority of the night doing that.” With a knowing look, she grinned at him.

The small blush was back on Anders’ face as he shook his head. “Definitely not,” he said with a grin. 

“Well, at least something good came from that talk last night then,” Cassia said, noncommittally. 

“And hopefully, that will not remain the only good thing!” Anders’ willful optimism wasn’t really making Cassia feel any better, but she couldn’t fault him for being in a good mood. Not today at least.

It didn’t take long until Cullen came out of Maia’s room, with their daughter almost ready to go. As usual, Maia insisted that only her mother should do her hair, and with a smile, Cassia sat down with her, carefully turning Maia’s curls into a practical hairdo that would withstand the thorough exploration of a strange castle, while Anders and Cullen talked quietly about the evening before.

Not much later, Anders took an excited Maia with him, the little girl nearly bouncing on his hand at the prospect of spending some time with him. Cassia chuckled as she watched them leave, thinking that Anders might be much closer to the top spot of favorite uncle than he himself suspected. 

When she closed the door behind them, Cassia paused for a moment. A peculiar mix of apprehension and impatience ran through her at the thought of what lay ahead. She had been both dreading this and waiting impatiently for it to happen. How many nights had she been unable to sleep, lying awake, listening to every breath Cullen took while going over every word, every sentence she had carefully come up with again and again? Not enough, or maybe too many, because suddenly, she couldn’t seem to remember a single thing she had prepared. 

She turned around, surprised at finding the room behind her empty. But before she could go after Cullen, a sudden knock pulled her attention back to the door. Did Anders forget anything? When she opened the door, though, it wasn’t him and Maia standing in front of her but two servants. They had a rolling cart with them that was filled with food. Cassia’s eyes widened slightly at the sheer amount of it. On top of the cart were not one but two large carafes that had steam coming out of them. Motioning at the servants to come in, Cassia stepped back, letting them roll the food inside and quickly set up the table. They didn’t take long at all, and a few moments later, she closed the door for a second time.

The guest rooms they had gotten were overly indulgent in every single aspect. The Duke had put a lot of effort into making sure each of his guests knew just how insanely rich he was. There was a sitting area with a dining table on the side that was made with the finest craftsmanship Cassia had seen so far. The food now sitting on it looked inviting, but Cassia knew she wouldn’t be able to actually eat anything and enjoy it before their planned talk. At the back of the room was a large fireplace, surrounded by a couch and some armchairs. A special glass vitrine on the wall held fine glasses and bottles of expensive drinks, and the entire room was filled with lavish rugs and expensive-looking decorations. Even the fabric of the curtains looked more expensive than many high-class dresses Cassia had seen people wear. To her right, there was a double door leading to the room Maia slept in, and to her left…

The door to her left, leading into the bedroom, was slightly ajar. Gathering all her courage, Cassia walked over to it, pushing it open. Cullen was standing at the far end of the room, looking outside. His hands were crossed behind his back. Like she had seen him do so often when he was lost in thought, he was almost perfectly still, looking like he was standing at attention. A force of habit, he had called it once. Something he did without thought after years and years of training and living with the templars. 

Cassia cleared her throat. “So…” she started, unsure just how to get this conversation going. 

When he heard her, Cullen turned around. “So,” he answered with a tilt of his head. “Are we finally going to talk?”

“We should,” she said softly. Her heart started beating faster as she nestled her hands into the folds of her dress to keep them busy. “We have to! But I—” Cassia sighed. All the words she had wanted to say felt heavy, unwilling to form into coherent sentences. “Damn,” she muttered. “Why is this so hard?”

Cullen’s face was unusually closed off as he shrugged. “I don’t know, seeing as I have been trying to talk to you for weeks.”

He wasn’t wrong, but at the hint of sharpness in his voice, Cassia flinched nonetheless. “Cullen…” she started, only to be cut off immediately.

“No, Cassia, you have to help me understand something here,” he said, and when he took a step toward her, Cassia could see the hurt look in his eyes. “We have always been able to talk freely about things, and suddenly you can barely look at me? And when I ask, you say it has nothing to do with me, but we both know that is a lie.” 

“It’s not,” Cassia interjected, sounding nearly defensive. When Cullen just looked at her sternly, she sighed. “It is not a lie!” she insisted. “And I didn’t say it had nothing to do with you, I said it wasn’t your fault!” 

Cullen closed his eyes as he let out an exhausted sigh. “So this is about me hurting you, after all,” he said full of resignation, and Cassia felt the frustration well up in her.

“No! It isn’t,” she snapped. “I told you before, I don’t blame you for that. I am—”

Cullen’s eyes flew open. “If you say you’re fine again, I swear, I am going to—”

“What do you want from me, Cullen?” Cassia’s voice was sharp, but her desperation shone through her every word. Her hands twisted the soft fabric of her dress between her fingers as she tried to keep her volume down. “You want me to say I am terrified of you now?” When she looked at him, there was a clear challenge in her eyes. “That this broke something between us? That I can’t look at you and want nothing to do with you anymore?”

“Cassia,” Cullen croaked, the pain in his eyes more pronounced than before, but she didn’t want to let him speak. Not right now, not when she finally had something to say.

“It’s none of those things,” she said imploringly. “None of them are true. I am not afraid of you, I never have been.” Cassia took in a deep breath before continuing with a much softer tone. “I love you no less, and this weird distance between us these last few weeks is killing me! So yes, I am telling you I’m fine so that we can leave this behind us already!”

“But you are not,” Cullen said softly, his earlier sharpness all but gone. “Cassia, I know you, and I can see you are not fine, no matter what you say.”

“Of course I’m not fine,” Cassia suddenly burst out, and this time her voice had gotten louder. “I am not even remotely fine, but that has next to nothing to do with you. It’s me!”

“What?” It clearly wasn’t at all what Cullen had expected to hear, and for a moment, he just looked at her in confusion. 

Cassia took a step towards him, her voice insistent as she tried to make him understand. “You keep talking about what you did to me, and I keep telling you,  _ you _ didn’t hurt me..”

With a scoff, Cullen shook his head. “I may have been out of it, but Cassia, it was still me. I did hurt you!”

“No!” Cassia grit her teeth together as she shook her head vehemently. “Damn it, Cullen,” she cursed, her voice full of frustration. “No! I am not a fucking victim in this,” she hissed. “You didn’t hurt me, I  _ let  _ you!”

Stunned, Cullen could do nothing but stare at her.

“I let you,” she repeated the words out of pure stubbornness before she felt something give, and suddenly the things she had been so afraid to tell him just stumbled out of her mouth. “It was my decision, I did that. The drain? Even when it is that powerful, it’s not that fast. It took minutes. Several times in a row.” With a deep breath, she looked straight into his eyes. “I could have stopped you the entire time.”

Cullen seemed utterly lost, not quite knowing what to think of her outburst. “I don’t understand…” he mumbled.

“I didn’t stop you,” Cassia said again, not holding anything back anymore as she added, “On the contrary, I encouraged you to take more.”

“Cassia,” Cullen said with a confused shake of his head. “Maker’s breath, why?”

“Because you said you needed it,” she blurted out without further thought. “You needed me.” She could see his face fall at her words, and she closed her eyes for a moment, taking a deep breath. This was not what she wanted. To imply anything that would make him think he was at fault again. Her shoulders sank as she sat down on the side of the bed, her elbows coming to rest on her knees as she buried her head in her hands. 

“That came out wrong,” she murmured, before sighing again. “You were in withdrawal and had no control. I really meant it when I said the problem I have here is me.”

“I don’t understand ,” came Cullen’s careful voice. “How are you a problem here?”

“Don’t you see?” Cassia said imploringly, turning her head enough so she could look at him. “You said jump, and I asked how high, without even questioning it…” Her voice shook, and she swallowed down the lump in her throat. “I realized that night that I would do absolutely anything for you. Without hesitation and apparently even without any regard to my own wellbeing and—” Cassia paused, raking a hand through her still untamed hair as she looked straight ahead, avoiding his eyes as her next words came as a quiet confession. “It scared me.” 

It was quiet for a moment, and Cassia didn’t know just what to make of that. She could hear Cullen move, and an instant later, the mattress under her dipped slightly as he sat down next to her. He was close enough that she could feel his presence, his warmth next to her, but he wasn’t touching her, he was just simply sitting at her side. 

“It scared you,” he said questioningly. “As in past tense?”

The corner of her mouth twitched slightly. It wasn’t a smile, but the beginning of one. Of course he would pick up on her deliberate word choice. He knew her too well for anything else. 

“I may have had some talks and a lot of thoughts about this over the last few weeks,” she said with a slight nod. “Adriene even suggested that I let you drain me because I knew deep down that you would never intentionally hurt me.” When Cullen sucked in a sharp breath at her words, Cassia finally looked at him again. “And she is right in that regard, because I do know that and I am convinced of it,” she said with a much more stable voice. That was the part that was most important after all. The thing she needed him to know. That she still trusted him implicitly.

There was a twitch on Cullen’s face as he looked like he was trying his best to keep his composure. “Anders said that the drain might have saved my life,” he murmured softly before his eyes locked onto hers. “You letting me do that might have saved my life, Cassia.”

A sigh left her mouth as she nodded quietly. “He told me that as well, but to be perfectly honest, I didn’t know that back then.” Cassia shook her head, briefly thinking just how much easier all of this would have felt if she could have claimed that to be her motivation. “It wasn’t a conscious decision I made to save you, you know? It just… happened.”

At that, a small smile appeared on Cullen’s face. “Would you say you saw I was in distress and instinctively did something, perhaps?”

And just like that, Cassia was reminded of their talk way back when Adriene had just returned from her trip with Carver. When the news about their father had made Cassia nearly lose her hard-won control again and what had happened during that, his unconscious use of the drain to help her.

“Are you using my own arguments against me now?” she asked, but even though her tone was dry, she couldn’t hide the soft smile that accompanied her words.

Cullen shrugged but there was a sense of amusement in his eyes as well. “To be fair, that is usually the only way I can ever win an argument with you in the first place,” he said before he sounded more serious again. “It does feel a bit familiar though, doesn’t it?”

She couldn’t disagree with that. In a way, Adriene had made the same point with her that she herself had argued with him back then. And she had meant everything she said to him. None of her reassurances had been something she didn’t fully believe in. It stood to reason that the same would apply to her.

But it wasn’t the only thing that weighed on her, and now that they had actually started to talk, Cassia knew she had to be open and tell him the other issue. 

“There is something else,” she started, feeling her stomach clench painfully at what she was about to say. The look on her face seemed to unsettle Cullen again as he gave her a cautious look.

“Something else?” he asked, unease written all over his face, and Cassia swallowed before she took a deep breath.

“I promised you that I wouldn’t let you go too far, right?” she asked. “That I would put a stop to whatever we are doing if it became too much for me.” She bit her lip, clasping her hands together in an effort to keep her fingers from twitching nervously as she continued, “And then this happened, and I didn’t. I didn’t stop you, and when you woke up and realized what had happened…” Cassia let out another deep sigh as she looked up at him. “You looked horrified.”

“I was,” he agreed with a still uneasy voice. “Part of me still is.”

“And that is my fault,” Cassia said with an understanding nod. 

“What?” She hadn’t been prepared for the sheer intensity with which Cullen reacted. His whole body tensed for a moment before a frown settled on his face, and his voice was full of disbelief. “Why in the Maker’s name would that be your fault?”

“Because I could have stopped you,” she insisted, wondering briefly if he hadn’t really understood her. Maybe she just had to explain her point better, she thought before trying again. “I didn’t stop you, and now you feel guilty about something I could have prevented!”

“Cassia, that is absurd!” His answer was as fast as it was passionate as he looked at her with fiery eyes. “Even if you could have stopped me, I would have still felt bad for even trying to do that to you. But more importantly, my actions are not your responsibility!”

He sounded so utterly convinced that Cassia longed to reach out to him. To cross that invisible barrier they had erected between them and simply hold on. Maker, how she wanted his words to be true. To absolve her of all her guilt and her shame at her own inability to do what was necessary. If she only could believe Cullen, then she would have done nothing wrong. Something she knew not to be true in the end.

“But I promised,” she whispered with a shake of her head.

“Cassia…” Cullen said with a soft sigh.

Cassia waited for him to continue. When he didn’t, she finally looked back up to him. For a moment, she thought she saw a twitch in his hand. Like he, too, was fighting to urge to simply reach for her. He didn’t, though, he just kept looking at her intensely.

“You promised to  _ tell _ me if I ever went too far,” he finally said. “In the bedroom. In a completely different setting. In a situation where a simple ‘stop’ would always be enough.” He looked at her with such seriousness that Cassia found herself unable to look away, no matter how much she might want to. “Cassia, you are not responsible for what I did to you. Not even a little bit.”

When Cassia wanted to protest again, he immediately stopped her. “No, listen! My memory is hazy and I barely know anything of what happened that night, but I  _ do _ know I heard the word stop at some point. And that I ignored it…”

“You were not yourself,” Cassia hurried to assure him. Of all the things she was still uncertain of, the fact that Cullen hadn’t done any of it deliberately was something she was absolutely certain of. 

“Be that as it may,” he said in a low voice, “What I did was on me. I may have been out of it, but it was still on me.  _ Not on you _ !”

Cullen sounded so incredibly certain and serious about this that Cassia didn’t know what to do next for a moment. Should she try and make her point again? Argue once more? Or should she simply nod and pretend to agree to let the matter rest?

A small, hopeful voice inside her kept pushing another possibility. Telling her to listen to what Cullen was saying and to let go of her point and accept his instead. To believe him when he said that it wasn’t on her. That it had nothing to do with what she had once promised him.

Her voice was shaky as she asked him, full of hesitation, “So you wouldn’t be afraid of me not saying stop in another context? After this now, I mean?”

Cullen determinedly shook his head. “Absolutely not,” he answered. “That is something completely different.”

The hopeful voice inside her only got louder, more insistent at his words, and Cassia couldn’t help but smile at him. “It is different, isn’t it?” she agreed, and the sigh that left her at her own words took some of the tension that had been ever-present since the incident with it. She sent him a tentative smile, suddenly nothing but grateful that both Anders and Adriene had insisted on this talk happening today. Cullen knew like nobody else just what to say to her, and Cassia wasn’t sure just how she had managed the past five weeks without any of this. 

Poorly, her own mind reminded her. She had managed very poorly. Not to mention that she had put him through the same feelings, according to her sister. “I’m sorry that I didn’t do a better job of assuring you,” she said in a quiet apology. At Cullen’s confused hum, she added, “Adriene said that you were worried you had done something else to me. Something worse.”

“Well, both your sister and you have insisted that I didn’t,” he said with a resigned sigh. “But what actually happened was bad enough wouldn’t you say?” The pained look he had worn on his face so often lately was back in full force for a moment, before he decidedly pushed it down.

“Cullen,” Cassia started carefully, but he held up a hand to interrupt her.

“I know you don’t blame me,” he said immediately. “And I had a hard time realizing that, but I think I am getting there. Slowly. It’s just...” He trailed off, looking suddenly unsure. 

“It’s just what?” Casia prodded gently. 

With a pained grimace, Cullen looked at her as he asked, “Hazy memory and all, but I just want to know. Was I right earlier? Did you tell me to stop?”

“What?” she croaked, the lump in her throat suddenly back in full force. 

“Did you ask me to stop, to slow down, to do anything that I ignored at that moment?” Cullen repeated his question. The silence stretched between them as Cassia couldn’t bear to say it out loud. Neither could she bear lying to him. And so, she did the only thing she was capable of in that moment. Nothing. But her silence was all the answer he needed.

“I thought as much,” he sighed. “Look, I can accept that you don’t blame me, I think. But still... I have no memory of what I actually did to you. And everyone wants to console me by telling me that I couldn't have stopped myself, but that somehow makes it worse.” There was a painful hitch in his voice, and it made Cassia’s heart clench.

Suddenly, the last bit of distance that lingered between them was absolutely unbearable, and without any hesitation, Cassia reached out and took his hand. The moment their hands touched, Cullen let out a gasp that could just as well have been a sob. He closed his eyes for a moment as his hand held hers in a tight grip.

“Cassia,” he murmured, his eyes still closed, and she held onto that connection between them like it was a lifeline.

“I think I understand.” Cassia’s words were soft and careful, and they immediately gained his full attention as he opened his eyes again. When she saw the doubt on his face, she squeezed his hand tightly. “Look, I know you,” she said quietly. “You need to be in charge. In control of things. Because at one point you had none at all and you can’t ever go back to that. I  _ see _ that!”

“I don’t want you to feel like—” Cullen started, a torn look in his eyes before Cassia scooted closer and gently pressed one finger over his lips to interrupt him.

“I am trying to tell you that it’s alright to feel like that,” she said quietly. “It is a part of you, in every aspect of your life, not just our bedroom, you know?” She had seen it weave itself through nearly everything Cullen did over the years. Everything he did was meticulously planned. From his work to things like his closet at home, everything was organized into the smallest detail, not a single thing out of order. “Remember when we laid the trap for Danarius?” she pointed out. “You came up with so many contingency plans of every single little thing that could be in question that there was no way anything could have gone wrong.”

The thoroughness and the dedication he put into everything he did was something Cassia greatly admired about him, and when she told him so, he looked almost uncomfortable at the praise. But she could also see how this particular part of him caused him problems. 

“My plan for Meredith, on the other hand..” Cassia started, squeezing his hand again. “You hated every second of it because there were parts in it you couldn’t control. Where we had to be able to improvise, and if you think I didn’t notice how many nights it left you bereft of sleep…” She looked at him with a sigh, wishing she could take the unease in his eyes away. “The point is I understand. I understand this part about you, and I fully accept it.” When he slowly smiled back at her, Cassia knew she was getting through to him. “Maker knows there are moments between us when I actively enjoy that,” she added with a coy look before she got serious again. “But I think you, in turn, have to accept the fact that there will always be things you might not have control over. And that those moments will happen, and we will deal with them! But what you cannot do is let them break you. Break us!”

Cullen gave her a long, pensive look before he nodded. “You might be right there,” he said finally before shaking his head with a small chuckle. “But look who's talking…” The telling look Cassia got from him had her let out a huff. 

“We’re really going there?” she asked cheekily, and it immediately got her a casual shrug from Cullen.

“I’m just saying, I’m not the one who waited five weeks to talk about this,” he pointed out with a raised eyebrow. 

There was genuine honesty underneath Cassia’s light sounding voice as she agreed, “You are right. And I am sorry.”

“I think I can forgive that,” Cullen murmured before tugging on her hand, drawing her closer to him. 

Cassia felt the air around them shift as the mood was suddenly very different. When she looked into his eyes and saw the promising glint in them her throat went dry. How much she had missed this. This closeness and lightness between them. It still felt very tentative, but the former stiffness and reservation seemed to be all but gone at last. She was about to close the last bit of distance between them when the sound of her stomach rumbling made both of them pause. For a second, they just stared at each other before both of them were shaken up by laughter.

“Maker,” Cassia breathed out in between chuckles, “I sound like I am starving!”

Cullen looked at her, his eyes full of warmth as he nodded in agreement. “You do! But if I’m being honest, I am pretty hungry myself.”

“Well, they did bring us breakfast, so maybe we should eat something before one of us dies tragically from the hunger pangs,” Cassia suggested.

When they got up and left the bedroom, Cullen was still holding on to her hand, and Cassia felt lighter than she had in weeks. A look at the clock on the wall told them they had been talking for longer than they thought. 

“No wonder we’re starving, it’s nearly noon already,” Cullen said with a look of surprise on his face. Luckily, the food waiting for them still looked mouth-watering.

“And the most important part about breakfast, the coffee, is probably ice-cold by now,” she remarked. “Let me just take care of that.” With a final squeeze of his hand, Cassia let go and hurried out the door and into the corridor. Like they had been told when they arrived, there was a servant waiting not far away, keeping an eye out for anyone on their floor who might need anything. When Cassia asked for a fresh pot of coffee, he only nodded politely, assuring her it would be brought up in no time. When she came back into their room, Cullen was already sitting at the table, grinning at her.

“Did you just order new coffee when you could have just heated this up easily?” he asked with a wink, and Cassia gave him a shocked look.

“Cullen! Re-heated coffee tastes absolutely awful! How could you even suggest such a thing!”

With a laugh, Cullen shook his head. “How could I, indeed! I apologize profoundly.”

Still grinning, Cassia sat down, and a moment later, she was engrossed in the many different things that had been brought up for their breakfast. For a while, they didn’t talk much, both of them busy with their food. When Cullen was cutting an apple into smaller pieces, Cassia looked from her own plate to his, grinning slightly at the visible difference between them. Where she had picked random things together from all over the table, not really bothering about what went well together and leaving her plate a mess throughout it, Cullen's looked nearly immaculate. As she watched him cut the fruit, she was almost impressed by how methodical he was even about something as small as this. When he noticed her look, it didn’t take him long to make the connection.

“You know, I think both you and Adriene have actually called me a control freak by now,” he said with a chuckle and a shake of his head. “Though you were a lot nicer about it.”

Cassia chuckled as well at that. “Well, I reap way more rewards from that, so it’s no wonder I appreciate it differently than Adriene,” she said with a wink. But she could see through all the humor in the air between them that the topic still somewhat bothered him. “You know, I meant it when I said I understand, right? Somewhat at least.”

When he gave her a questioning look, she explained, “I don’t know if it is entirely the same. I mean, I have let fear paralyze me before, but I was never in a situation where I was truly powerless. But close to at least, I think. So I kind of get it.”

A shadow had fallen over Cullen’s face at her words, and he put the apple down to focus on Cassia. “From what you told me about that cave on the Wounded Coast, I’d say you probably have a good idea about how that feels,” he said, his voice rougher than before. “Taking away all your choices like that is not that far away from having no control over yourself at all anymore.”

When Cassia thought back to that place, a shudder went through her and she nodded slowly. “I guess you are right,” she said quietly. “Ever since we started this whole charade, everything has been… harder somehow? Which is ironic in a way.” When he looked at her questioningly, she explained some more. “When I was still hiding, I kept feeling like I wasn’t truly free. Like I had no choice in some things. But compared to this now?” Cassia let out a disillusioned scoff. “I didn’t know just how lucky I was.”

“I wish I could help you more. Take some of that burden off you.” Cullen looked as exhausted by the thoughts about their situation in Kirkwall as Cassia felt. “I will try again,” he vowed, looking at her full of determination. “I will try all that is possible to get at least Ser Oswald permanently away from you once we’re back in Kirkwall, I promise!” 

Cassia felt something warm bloom in her chest at his words. She abandoned the rest of her plate and got up, and a moment later, she slid into his lap, leaning her head against his chest as his arms enclosed her in a way that was so familiar Cassia could have cried out of relief right there. Part of her was still mad at herself for pulling away from Cullen for so long. For suffering through each day on her own when she could have had this instead.

His hands were in her hair, cradling her head against him as he kissed the top of her hair gently. “I promise, I’ll find a way,” he repeated his earlier statement, and Cassia held on to him, her fingers clenched into the fabric of his tunic. 

“Those weeks without him were a little bit better, but he is not the only problem,” she said softly. “You know that. It’s everything else as well. The lying, the nobles, Meredith…” A deep sigh left her at the thought of just how messed up their whole life was by now. And how powerless she felt about it. “I’ve had magic issues all my life, and even though ever since I am consciously keeping away from the lyrium they have gotten better, they will probably always be there, to a point. I’ve been in bad situations before, and even with what happened after the magebane, when my magic was simply uncontrollable, I have never felt I had as little control over my life as I have now.” Her voice was shaky again as she confessed the severity of how she felt about it all. “I’m not in charge of anything in my own life anymore. I can bear this for a while, don’t get me wrong! I am determined, and I know we'll make it through this. But it is exhausting!”

Cullen hummed quietly in understanding as she relaxed against him. Both of them knew very well that there was no quick solution for their current situation. That they had to sit it out, keep the game running until the right moment at least. 

“The thing is, I don't think I ever even wanted to be in charge of anything," Cassia added. "It’s not like I’d ever want to be in Meredith’s position. Or yours even. Having all that responsibility sounds not much better.” With a sigh, Cassia shook her head before she chuckled lightly. “Maybe I should learn something from all those Orlesians here and start ordering random people outside the Gallows around for compensation.”

“Maker, please don't,” Cullen said with a laugh. “Think about all the extra dinners we’d have to go to to make up for all that!”

“You’re right, that would make it worse instead of helping,” Cassia agreed.

“Well, you can still boss me around if that helps,” Cullen said, still chuckling before placing another kiss on the top of her head. “You know, to get you through the day.” 

Cassia couldn’t help but grin at him. “Perhaps it would,” she said, raising her eyebrow. “But it usually plays out in the exact opposite direction between us.” 

“It doesn’t have to,” came Cullen’s reply almost directly, and the sudden seriousness underneath his teasing smile made Cassia pause.

Was he implying what she thought he was? She had never put much thought into the possibility. Not with how the dynamic between them had established itself so naturally. But the way he was looking at her now, both teasing and intense at the same time, Cassia felt something flutter in her stomach. Something new and unexplored and terribly exciting.

“Really now?” she breathed out, still trying to wrap her head around all of this. There wasn’t much space left between them and the air was ripe with tension as Cullen nodded, looking absolutely serious.

“If there is anyone in the world that I would trust enough to give up some control to, it’s you,” he said, and the slight gruffness of his voice sent a shiver down her back. Cassia licked her lips as she stared up at him, slowly moving closer until she could feel the warmth of his breath against her. 

“Maybe we should explore that possibility,” Cassia whispered against his lips. “What do you say?”

“I say yes to whatever you want,” Cullen said with a small growl. “Because that’s how it works if you are in charge.” 

Cassia felt a hot spark of desire run through her, and she let out a soft sigh. Just as she was about to pull him closer, a knock on their door let them both freeze up again.

“The coffee you ordered, Messere,” came the muffled voice from outside, and Cassia closed her eyes for a moment, taking in a deep breath.

“Timing,” Cullen mumbled, and she could feel the movements of his lips as they gently brushed her own. 

“Indeed,” she said, and with another sigh, she got up. “Hold that thought!” she said with a wink before hurrying to the door, taking the coffee and assuring the servant that there was no need for him to come in and set it down himself. It was probably a breach of etiquette, but Cassia didn’t care. She had planned to simply take the coffee, put it down somewhere and get back to where they had just left off, but the moment she held the steaming pot in her hands, the smell of the freshly brewed drink was in her nose, making her waver.

Torn between the heat still surging through her and the knowledge that this pot too would grow cold and ultimately be thrown away instead of enjoyed, she looked between the steaming, hot goodness in her hands and Cullen. 

“Damn this,” she cursed. “Now I don’t know what to do first…” 

Cullen broke out into laughter at her conflicted display. And her choice of words, apparently. “Do first?” he asked with a grin. “Me or the coffee, you mean?”

Her cheeks flushed slightly. “Don’t get me wrong, I was really into whatever just happened there between us, but this is the second batch of coffee they brought up here today, and it’s going to get cold!”

Cullen was still chuckling at her torn look. “I guess we could always just have the coffee first?” he suggested. “Provided you are willing to share.”

“Deal,” Cassia beamed at him with the brightest smile she could muster. Cullen was looking at her with a fond look in his eyes, and she felt ready to burst from all the affection she held for him. “I love you,” she added a bit more quietly but still with the same, unwavering smile on her face.

For a moment, he just kept looking at her, but something in his face shifted subtly. His eyes became a tad brighter, his smile wider as he stood up and closed the distance between them. Wordlessly, he took the coffee from her, setting it down on the table before pulling her close. “I love you, too,” he murmured softly. “More than anything in the world.” And with that, his hand slid up her arm and around her neck, pushing gently until the distance between them was no more, and he finally kissed her.

Just like that, Cassia felt any lingering uncertainty, any worry she had held over the past few weeks drift away completely. Cullen angled her face just right, his lips brushing firmly over hers before she felt his tongue prod for entrance. With a small sigh, she opened her mouth, welcoming him in as her hands sneaked around his neck to hold him close. His other hand settled on the small of her back, pulling her closer against him as she swallowed the small groan he made at their touch. 

The weeks of not daring to get too close to each other had managed to build up a need for his touch. Cassia couldn’t remember it ever feeling quite as pronounced before, and as his hands roamed over her back and her shoulders, she knew he felt the same. Like they were both starved for each other. Heat bloomed anew in her as his teeth dragged over her lip, and she shuddered against him as he nipped it gently. 

A moment later, Cullen drew back, looking at her with soft eyes.

“Marry me!” he all but blurted out with an urgency behind his voice that made the hairs on the back of her neck stand up. 

Cassia blinked. Startled and still out of breath from their kiss, she looked at him with wide eyes. “You mean here? Right now?”

“Yes, right here,” Cullen said immediately. “We’ve been putting this off again and again, and there is never a good time,” he added a little bit more quietly. His hands slid up her neck until they cradled her face, and he placed a soft kiss onto her lips. “In about a week or two, we have to go back to Kirkwall, and who knows when we will next have time for something like this again. But all our friends are here, even Carver and Bethany are through some small miracle. We can ask Sebastian and—”

“Yes!” Cassia interrupted the flow of his words with a wide grin. The thought was almost overwhelming, but something about all this felt incredibly right to her. It wouldn’t change the reality they were already living, but the thought alone of having an actual wedding, no matter how small or hidden away it would be filled Cassia with giddiness and excitement. 

At her answer, Cullen kissed her again, and Cassia melted in his arms. Despite her earlier insistence, the coffee was all but forgotten. All that mattered right now was them, their closeness and the way Cullen had looked at her when she had said yes.

“Are we really doing this?” he mumbled against her lips, and Cassia nodded with a small giggle.

“We are! I almost can’t believe it.” She closed her eyes for a moment, taking a deep breath. They were finally getting married. After they had put it off for so long, Cassia had barely thought about the fact that officially they weren’t even married. But now, all the excitement she had felt back then when he had first asked her was back again. “I can’t wait to tell Adriene,” she added with a happy smile as she opened her eyes again.

“Of course you can't.” The look in Cullen’s eyes could only be described as lovingly indulgent. “You wanna do that right now?” he offered, but Cassia shook her head.

“Maker no, right now, I want to enjoy the fact that Anders said he had a whole day planned with Maia and we should take our time to talk…” The telling look she gave him made it obvious what she meant, and with a small smirk, Cullen started to pull her along, back towards the bedroom. Before they even reached the door, though, Cassia pulled him to a halt, unwilling to wait any longer before she kissed him again. Her fingers buried themselves into his hair, and she moaned softly into his mouth as the kiss got more and more heated.

When Cullen drew back, he looked at her with a teasing grin. “Well, if you want to  _ talk _ some more...” 

“Shut up!” With a shake of her hand, she gently swatted his shoulder, but Cullen only nodded earnestly. 

“Very productive, good talk!”

Despite his teasing words, though, he leaned back in to kiss her once more, but this time, Cassia stopped him.

“On second thought,” she said slowly, enjoying the way his eyebrows rose up.

“What, you actually want to talk?” Cullen asked with a hint of disbelief in his voice and Cassia chuckled lightly.

“No, but...” she started before giving him a telling look. “When we kissed, earlier you know, for the first time in weeks, it was...”

“Overwhelming?” Cullen finished her sentence, and Cassia nodded.

“Yes! Now think about how overwhelming certain other things might be if we wait just a little bit longer,” she said with a teasing glint in her eyes. “Say, until our wedding night for instance…”

“You’re serious?” For a moment, Cullen just looked floored before he let out a soft groan as she pushed herself closer against him. “You have a mean streak, you know that, right?”

Cassia’s eyes lit up at his words, and she leaned against the doorframe, pulling him closer against her. “Just imagine,” she started softly, her lips ghosting over his. “Coming back here, finally married, the whole night ahead of us while we are both just so wound up.” She could feel Cullen shuddering against her as she kissed a soft line along his jaw. “Yearning to touch each other, needing each other,” she whispered before letting her teeth graze over his ear. “We will barely be able to keep our hands off each other until we are alone. And then…”

Cullen let out a moan as she nipped on his earlobe. “Alright, I definitely see your point,” he said with a shaky breath.

Cassia drew back, giving him a bright smile. “So we wait?”

“Well, you’re in charge, right? So we wait.” He still struggled to keep his breath even as he smiled back at her, obviously trying to fight his arousal down. But Cassia found that she had far too much fun with the whole situation to let him, and a moment later, she was back to passionately kissing him. Firmly, she pushed herself off the doorframe and turned them until she could nudge him towards the bedroom again.

“Wait,” Cullen got out in between kisses. “Didn’t you just say you wanted to wait?”

“Oh, we are waiting,” she promised with a glint in her eyes. “No sex for now,” she said, her voice dropping lower. “No release of any kind, but we are going to make the waiting fun nonetheless.”

“Fun?” Cullen asked skeptically, only to lose himself in a moan as Cassia’s hand slipped between his legs, teasing him mercilessly through his clothes.

“Anticipation can be fun,” she breathed against his lips as she stroked him once only to take her hand away right after.

With a groan, Cullen let himself be pushed further into the bedroom. “You are going to kill me, aren’t you?”

“You wanted me to be in charge,” she said with a teasing nip at his lips. “That means I get to make the rules.”

When they reached the bed, Cassia pushed him down onto it, immediately following along. As she rubbed her whole body against him, it drew out another moan from him. “One suggestion and I’ve created a monster,” he murmured. 

Cassia pulled back for a moment, looking at him in all seriousness. “Do you want me to stop?” she asked concerned, briefly worrying that she was going too far but Cullen shook his head vehemently. 

“Maker no! Never stop please,” he said, molten heat in his voice and a smile on his face, and Cassia’s stomach fluttered as she leaned back down to kiss him again. Despite how new this was for her, something told her she would love where it was leading them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Come talk to us on [Tumblr!](https://intoourmultiverse.tumblr.com)


	23. Stories Untold

It was late afternoon when Cassia and Cullen finally left the bedroom again. A nervous energy was sparking between them as Cassia watched him try to smooth down his thoroughly unruly hair with quite some difficulty.

They had spent the last few hours in each other's arms, and opposed to her earlier teasing of not wanting to talk anymore, they had done mostly that after all. Happily, they made up for the weeks of quiet and distance between them, only interrupted by a few more steamy makeout sessions that Cassia had carefully stopped from leading anywhere further, each time making Cullen look a little bit more like he regretted their earlier ideas. He had assured her several times though that that definitely wasn’t the case, and so, Cassia let herself enjoy making him lose his composure over and over again.

But by now, she could hear that the hunting party was returning, and Cassia did her best to put her equally messed up hair into a semblance of a passable hairdo before she smoothed out her dress.

“Gonna run and find Adriene?” Cullen asked with a low voice as he drew her against him one more time, and Cassia nodded, a beaming smile on her face.

“Even though it’s going to be small and in secret, I have a wedding to plan! I need her help,” she said. “And I need to tell her first before everyone else. It’s a rule we have about important things happening, and I already messed that one up before when I kept you and me _and_ my pregnancy a secret.” This time, Cassia was adamant about it, Adriene would be the first to know.

“I am going to give you a headstart before I start looking for Sebastian then,” Cullen said with a laugh before gently kissing her once more. 

“How thoughtful of you,” Cassia replied with a grin. “I am sure it has nothing at all to do with the fact that you need a little time on your own and away from me before you can comfortably go outside again,” she added with a wink.

“This is going to be my life for the foreseeable future, isn’t it?” Cullen lamented, but the twinkle in his eyes belied his words.

Cassia reached up to kiss him once more. “Probably,” she answered with a devious look as she drew back again. “Better make sure you find and convince Sebastian to actually marry us without a hitch then.” And with that last piece of advice, she was out of the door, hurrying along the hallway and down the stairs, hoping that she would get lucky and find Adriene among the ones returning.

To her joy, she was indeed in luck and spotted both her sister and Fenris a little bit further away. They stood to the side of the entrance of the palace gardens, underneath a blooming apple tree, talking about something. Cassia was about to break into a run when she remembered they were surrounded by overly judgemental nobles from all over Thedas and slowed down, walking over with the appropriate decorum.

As she had almost reached them, Cassia remembered something Anders had said this morning. How Adriene’s suggestion had been to simply lock Cullen and her into their room, and she felt the sudden urge to mess with her sister. With well-practiced ease, the smile left her face, and she adopted a grave, almost downtrodden look as she closed up to them. 

“Cassia,” Fenris greeted her, looking immediately worried at her expression, and Cassia sent him a sly wink before Adriene could see her.

“Cass!” her sister exclaimed in just that moment as she turned around. “If you are out here, I hope to the Maker you and Cullen actually talked,” she said enthusiastically, only to stop dead in her tracks as she saw Cassia’s face.

“We did,” Cassia said in a rather clipped tone. “Extensively.” When she didn’t elaborate further, she could see Adriene’s face fall.

“Oh no,” her sister murmured. “Was it that bad?”

“Well, you’ve been on the road with us for two weeks,” Cassia said vaguely before shrugging. Behind Adriene, Fenris raised his eyebrows at her but he said nothing as he leaned back against the tree with his arms crossed. 

“Crap,” Adriene said softly. “I’m sorry, Cassia, I genuinely thought just giving you two some time would solve something.”

“Oh, it did,” Cassia said, letting her shoulders slump down. “We figured out some stuff. Even got some results. You know, what is working and what isn’t, and well, we agreed on one thing at least.”

“On what?” Adriene asked carefully, and Cassia let out a sigh.

“We both agree that what we’ve been doing so far is no longer working for us.”

At her plain words, Adriene’s eyes widened. “You don’t mean that!” she said, looking at her in shock before turning to Fenris with a helpless look.

“Looks to me like she does,” he said simply, and Cassia felt herself almost breaking out of her pretend mood to smile at him for playing along. “If they talked and that is what they agreed on, they probably have their reasons,” Fenris added.

When Adriene turned back to her, there was such a miserable look in her eyes that Cassia suddenly couldn’t continue with the whole charade. She had wanted to poke fun at her sister, not genuinely upset her.

“Yes, it’s not working anymore,” she repeated, but this time, she smiled at the words. “We decided that we can’t stand the thought of still not actually being married a second longer,” she explained, and by now, she was beaming at Adriene with a wide grin. “And we’re gonna do it right here, this week, at Chateau Haine!”

For a second, Adriene stared at her. “Wait, this is real now?”

Her head was still reeling from the whiplash of thinking that Cassia and Cullen had seriously decided to break things off, the ice-cold dread that had washed through her at the mere suggestion. But her words woke a careful relief and hope.

Cassia chuckled. “Yes, this is real,” she said, her eyes bright. “We’re getting married! And you have to help me plan this!”

The relief that washed through Adriene was strong enough to obliterate any irritation she might have felt at her sister, and a laugh bubbled from her lips as her eyes started to shine. “Your wedding! Of course I’ll help you! Oh, wait. Here?!”

Cassia nodded, still beaming. Adriene took her by the arm and her fingers tightened as her thoughts started to race.

“Here?! A big one? With all those—”

“No, stupid,” Cassia interrupted her with a small laugh, “no, of course not! No, just us. Small, secret. All the important people are here, after all.”

“Oh good,” Adriene breathed, but the next second, she was already starting to bounce on her feet. “Maker, Cassia, this is… ah, everything is happening at once! Alright, wait.” She turned to Fenris who watched them with a barely veiled laugh in his eyes and punched him playfully on the arm. “How dare you! You knew!”

He shrugged and pushed himself off the tree. “She winked at me, all I did was play along,” he said innocently, and Adriene laughed before she turned back to Cassia, and without further ado, pulled her into a tight hug. “Sweet Andraste, you can’t scare me like that. I’m so glad!” When she let go again, a nearly dangerous gleam was in her eyes and she grabbed Cassia’s hand. “Alright. Fenris, I love you.” She gave him a quick kiss, adding a cheeky, “I’ll see you around, we got a wedding to plan.” Turning back to her sister, she said, “Come on, wardrobe first!” 

“Oh, wardrobe, yes! Bye Fenris!” Cassia agreed enthusiastically as Adriene dragged her along and back toward the part of the Chateau their rooms were in. “I mean, we have to work with what I brought with me, of course, but maybe we can alter something?” Cassia had packed a couple of new dresses she had never worn to anything else before. Now, she hoped that one of them would make for a suitable wedding gown. “I mean, it has to be appropriate for a wedding of course, but I also kind of want it to make Cullen lose his mind…”

At that Adriene let out a hearty laugh. “Of course you do,” she said, grinning back at Cassia. “Maker, Cass, I am so glad you two worked this out. I truly am.” With a telling look, she added, “Let me guess, you worked out all your problems in no time and then had fun the rest of the day, didn’t you?”

Cassia chuckled as they went up the stairs together. “Actually no, we took quite a lot of time to talk, and that was definitely good and necessary,” she said. “And then I almost had coffee, but I got distracted by Cullen asking me to marry him again, and well, the rest was definitely fun.”

“I bet it was, after so many weeks,” Adriene said while wiggling her eyebrows in such an overly exaggerated way that Cassia stopped walking for a second, holding her sides as laughter shook through her.

“That was terrifying,” she wheezed out only for Adriene to repeat the motion. “Please stop,” Cassia wheezed through another burst of laughter, deliberately looking away from her sister until it died down again. “Actually, we didn’t do anything you are insinuating,” she added as they started walking towards their rooms again. “I decided we should wait. You know, for the wedding night.”

“Seriously?” Adriene asked, and when Cassia nodded, her sister gave her an amused look. “In that case, you could wear a burlap sack to the wedding and Cullen would probably lose his mind,” she said with a smirk, causing Cassia to chuckle again.

“As tempting as that suggestion sounds, I think I’m still going to go with a regular dress,” she said, pulling out the key to her room from her pocket as they reached the door. Wistfully, she glanced in the direction she knew the servant responsible for their floor was. “I kind of want to send for another round of coffee, but I already have two full pots with cold coffee in my room, and I fear it’s getting embarrassing!”

Adriene laid her hand on her sister’s shoulder with her most serious look. “Don’t worry, Cass. You’re going in, pour that cold coffee away, and I’ll take care of the rest.”

Cassia gave her an amused look, and Adriene grinned. “You’re the bride! All you have to do now is be happy and… wait.” Suddenly, her eyes widened. “Cass, please tell me you’re not planning to do this tonight. Are you?!”

Seeing Adriene’s suddenly panicked expression, Cassia laughed out loud before she shook her head. “No, no! I think that would be pushing it a little. Even a spur of the moment wedding needs at least a little preparation, right?” A little bit softer, she added, “I mean, if we have the chance of making this into the small celebration with friends and family I’ve always wanted, it’s worth putting a little bit of time and effort in, right?” 

“Perfect!” Adriene exclaimed. “And yes, it absolutely is, and it’s going to be amazing!” She shooed her sister into her room and added, “You go get all the dresses out you have brought, and I’ll take care of coffee and all the other stuff, I’ll be back in five minutes!”

And with that, she darted off. Excited happiness surged through her as she went to find a servant, only to turn around on her heels after just a few steps and went to find the housekeeper. It took her longer than anticipated to get all the answers she needed, but when she hurried back to Cassia’s room, she had a much clearer picture in her head than before.

Barging in without knocking, she called out before she even found her sister, “Day after tomorrow! We’re going to do it the day after tomorrow!”

Cassia was laying dresses out on her bed and looked up in surprise as Adriene came into the bedroom. “Day after tomorrow,” Adriene repeated with a beaming smile on her face. “I cleared it all with the housekeeper already. She didn’t even want to know why we needed privacy, a separate room, a fancy dinner, and all; apparently, there are off-the-records meetings going on all around the castle. I mean, I shouldn’t be surprised, Prosper _is_ Orlesian after all, and this meeting here is political gold.” A mischievous twinkle came into her eyes as she added, “Also, I had her prepare one of the empty rooms here on this floor for Cullen for the following two nights.”

“What? Why?” Cassia asked, looking a bit overwhelmed at Adriene’s torrent of words, but her sister only shrugged.

“What? You said you wanted to wait until the wedding night.”

Cassia chuckled at Adriene’s enthusiasm before a devious grin appeared on her face. “I don’t think we need that. It is way more fun waiting if he’s right next to me,” she said with a telling look at her sister.

Adriene’s eyebrows went up in sudden understanding. “Ohh,” she murmured. “You are going to torture the poor guy.” With a hint of genuine sympathy in her voice, she added, “You don’t think the last few weeks were trying enough for both of you?”

Cassia was still grinning as she shrugged noncommittally. “I have it on good authority — namely out of his own mouth — that he will thoroughly enjoy what I am planning,” she assured her sister with a wink. “So, no separate rooms and don’t worry about it.”

“Alright,” Adriene said. “You’re the bride, after all, and the bride gets everything she… fuck! I forgot the coffee!” She looked almost crestfallen at that, and Cassia couldn’t help but chuckle.

“We can get coffee later, don’t fret about it.” With that, she turned back towards the laid-out dresses. “Now, which one of these do you think would work best? I can still change minor things about them, a castle like this has got to have some sewing supplies somewhere, right?”

“Definitely!” Adriene stepped closer, mustering the different choices with a thoughtful look. Her eyes stopped on a light blue dress that Cassia had just picked up from their tailor the week before they left Kirkwall. “If you want it to be elegant but not too formal, we could probably let out the neckline, pull the sleeves down and off the shoulders with minimal effort,” she deliberated.

For a moment, Cassia could see their mother in Adriene as if she was standing right next to her. Adriene had the same thoughtful and appraising look, the same posture, and the same little excited crinkle around her eyes. Even her voice almost sounded like Leandra’s for a moment, and Cassia had to fight down the wave of grief that suddenly welled up inside her. 

“What’s up?” Adriene asked, looking at her full of concern. “You don’t like the idea?”

Cassia shook her head, swallowing once to get the lump out of her throat. “I love it, it’s a great idea,” she said quietly. “I just had to think about mom. She was so excited to plan my wedding back then, and I never thought I’d be having it without her, you know?”

The sudden pain in Adriene’s eyes mirrored her own as her sister nodded gravely. “I know.” Her arm sneaked around Cassia’s shoulders, and a moment later, she drew her into a half-hug. 

“Well,” Cassia said, quickly wiping a single stray tear away before she forced herself to smile. “Let’s make this something she’d be proud of then, shall we?”

Adriene drew in a deep breath before she nodded as well. “Let’s!” she agreed before turning back at the dresses. “If you like the idea, I think we should go with the blue one and get started as quickly as possible. Two days isn’t that much time after all, and we need to take care of many more decisions sooner rather than later!” 

As Cassia watched Adriene slide back into her planning mode, she felt a warm tug around her heart as memories of their mother came alive once more in front of her eyes. But this time, they were less painful. In a way, it felt almost reassuring to know that some piece of her was still around. Be it in a gesture or in the way Adriene's smile was so similar to Leandra’s sometimes, and as Cassia let herself be drawn into the discussion about her wedding dress, she found that her own smile was no longer forced.

That changed again a couple of hours before the planned ceremony two days later, however, when an overly amused Fenris informed her that Adriene, after going on the great hunt with the intention of not drawing any attention to herself, had managed to win the whole thing and would be required to be present that evening at the big celebration.

Speechless, Cassia listened to Fenris’ brief explanation, not quite understanding what in the world he meant by some of it. How in the Void did someone _accidentally_ win a hunt? But Fenris seemed unwilling to go into more detail, claiming he needed a change of clothes and a bath first.

When he left, Cassia turned around to Cullen with a defeated look on her face. “I guess this means we have to postpone,” she sighed. “There is no way we can have a secret wedding if the entire Chateau is throwing a celebration for Adriene.”

He looked just as unhappy about that as she did, but after a moment, he shook his head. “I am sure Adriene had her reasons,” he said, smiling softly at her. “It’s not like she intended this, right?”

“How hard is it to not slay a damn Wyvern, though,” Cassia huffed, but there was no heat behind her words. It wasn’t like she was actually angry at Adriene. Before she could sulk any more, Cullen’s arm snuck around her waist and pulled her into his lap.

“Look at it this way,” he said with a promisingly low tone in his voice. “It means you have at least one more night to torture me.” 

With a raised eyebrow, Cassia said, “Is it really torture though if you are enjoying it this much?” Gently, she brushed her lips over his. “Maybe we could—”

She didn’t get to finish her sentence. A knock on the door stopped her, and before either of them could even call out to ask who it was, it opened, and Varric strode inside.

“A little bird told me there are coinciding party plans for tonight,” he said without preamble, grinning widely at them.

“We need to postpone, I know,” Cassia sighed. The way his grin widened at that made her scrunch her nose. “Why does that make you look even happier?” she asked skeptically.

Varric let out a hearty laugh. “Because it’s perfect, I desperately need more time, and I also need your input for something, and now I can have both!”

He didn’t deem it necessary to explain himself further before he grabbed a bottle of wine from the sideboard and three glasses and got himself a chair. Cassia and Cullen settled back down on the couch while exchanging a look of confusion, but Varric wouldn’t say anything else before they had taken their glasses. After a little toast, he pulled out his notebook. “So, question number one, when and how did you two first meet?”

Cassia was still questioningly eyeing the wine glass in her hand as she gave him a confused look. “You know how I met Cullen. I told you all about it!”

Behind her, Cullen tensed slightly, and as she twisted her head to look at him, she saw his eyes widening slightly. “You did?”

“Not the details,” Cassia hurried to assure him. “Just about the accidental meeting in the tavern and, well, that I spent the night.” Immediately, she saw his face go from slightly alarmed to relieved.

“Exactly, you only told me some of it, I had to fill in a lot of blanks!” came the protest from Varric. 

“Fill in a lot of blanks for what exactly?” By now, Cassia sounded slightly suspicious.

With a dismissive motion of his hand, Varric shook his head. “Never you worry about that. That’s not that important right now. The fact that I _need_ more information is!”

Two pairs of confused-looking eyes narrowed at him. “More information for what exactly?” Cullen asked, his face holding the look of a man who wasn’t entirely sure if he wanted an answer.

“It’s a surprise for now! So, details? Who saw whom first? Was it love at first sight? What was the first thing you thought when seeing each other?” The hand Varric held his pen with seemed to twitch at his more prodding tone, and he smiled again, giving them his most encouraging look.

Cassia blinked, trying to sort through the questions one by one. Cullen meanwhile seemed to have a much easier time with this. It looked like he had decided to postpone further questions and play along for now. 

“The first thing that went through my head was _‘Wow, that must be the most beautiful woman I have ever seen’,_ ” he said, looking at Cassia with a warm smile. “Still true by the way.” At the playful wink he sent her, Cassia couldn‘t help herself from smiling right back. 

“Lovely,” Varric muttered, busy taking notes. “And you, Frosty?”

She wondered briefly if she should come up with something more flowery, but in the end, she only shrugged as she decided to go with the truth. “I think my first thought was something about him being much younger than everyone else in the tavern. Oh, and tall.”

Varric looked up from his notes. “So, on the one side, we have incredible beauty, and on the other, well, tall and not old…” He let out a sigh. “How am I supposed to work with this?” he muttered. 

Cullen just chuckled, his arm around Cassia tightening as he gave her a fond look. “If you were expecting to get something poetic and overly romantic from Cassia, you might as well give up.” There was no malice behind his words. Over the years they had known each other, Cullen had gotten to know all her quirks and habits after all. Cassia knew he was well aware of her tendency to not mince words and to have little patience for flowery language. She wasn’t one for exuberant love declarations or overly romantic procedures. Despite being more than simply good with words, Cassia rarely used them to describe her innermost feelings, much preferring to show her affection, her love in other ways.

“Don’t I know it,” Varric muttered, his eyes not leaving his notes. “You know how long I’ve been trying to get a usable quote from her about your relationship that doesn’t sound incredibly boring?”

Cassia’s eyebrows rose up. “What do you mean? I love Cullen, I’ve said so plenty of times before!”

“As I said — boring,” Varric countered, still without looking up. “Can’t you be a little bit more exuberant? Andraste’s tits, you should see the pages I have of him waxing about your eyes or the sound of your voice or even the way you scrunch your nose when playing the lute…”

When no immediate answer came, Varric finally looked up, only to be greeted by a very confused Cassia looking back and forth between him and a by-now slightly embarrassed Cullen.

“What?” Varric snapped. “The man knows how to express his feelings when given the appropriate amount of alcohol.” He shook his head again. “No, this won’t do! I need something more substantial. Something…” Suddenly, he lit up. “Oh, I know! Fenris said something a while ago. Told me I should ask you about the pond incident? Tell me about that!”

Cassia felt the heat of an embarrassed flush on her face.

“The pond incident?” Cullen chuckled. “I doubt that will help you with whatever you need this for. We barely knew each other and it had nothing to do with _us_.” 

At his words, Varric’s smile turned into a wide grin. “According to a certain broody elf, it had everything to do with the two of you! But he was very tipsy when he told me, so I’m hoping for more juicy details directly from the source!”

“I have no idea what he could have meant,” Cassia, having found some semblance of calm again, said nonchalantly. “It was a simple accident, and I barely even knew Cullen back then. He wasn’t even there!”

“You know, Frosty, you are an excellent liar, and I would absolutely believe you if Broody hadn’t spilled the beans already,” Varric said with such confidence that Cassia felt the urge to strangle her best friend at the next opportunity well up in her.

“I’ll have you know that I am going to kill Fenris and that absolutely nothing he has told you is even remotely true!” she huffed as she crossed her arms in front of her, sending Varric a determined look.

Cullen had curiosity written all over his face. “Now I really want to know what this is about,” he murmured against her ear, and a shudder went through Cassia.

“Well,” Varric said with a grin, “you’re in luck then, and you are probably going to enjoy this!”

“Varric…” Cassia started, but the dwarf simply ignored her, talking to Cullen like she wasn’t even in the room.

“So, there our heroine was, on her way to do a templar’s bidding after just having found her mystery man from the unforgettable night in the tavern again.”

Cassia groaned at his words, closing her eyes and only barely resisting the urge to hide her face behind her hands as Varric went on.

“A meeting that had shaken her to her core, for it was no less than half an hour later that she found herself so distracted by thoughts of the handsome man that was no longer a stranger from the tavern to her, that she paid no mind to where she was walking.” 

“Wait,” Cullen interrupted, “you fell into that pond because you were busy thinking about _me_?” Amusement and disbelief colored his voice, and Cassia opened her eyes only to sigh. 

“Well… kind of? I was so excited, and worried of course, but mostly excited and I…” she trailed off, her cheeks flaming red by now.

“She was busy planning on how to get you to kiss her again!” Varric had no qualms about finishing her sentence for her. Nor had he any qualms about embarrassing her further. “That is, until she suddenly found herself in a pond surrounded by slightly agitated ducks.”

“Why are you even here?” Cassia groaned at Varric before burying her face in Cullen’s neck, half hiding behind her hair.

Varric laughed as he reached for the wine to refill his glass. “Well, as your best dwarf…”

“There is no such thing!“ Cassia mumbled from underneath her hair.

 _“As your best dwarf,”_ Varric said again, a little more forceful this time, “it is my duty to blow everyone out of the water with my wedding toast of course. Pun intended.”

Cullen meanwhile seemed to be unbothered by his fiancée's embarrassment. A wide smile was on his face. “You really walked into that pond because of me?”

“You sound far too happy about that!” Cassia said, still not willing to look at anyone in the room.

“It gets better,” Varric added. “Apparently that pond was really close to her uncle’s house, but instead of going home to change, she walked around the city in wet clothes. That’s how distracted she was!”

He sounded so satisfied with himself that Cassia looked up to send him a harsh glare. Unwilling to let his words stand, she sat up straight again. 

“Not true! I was very aware of how close home was, I just wanted to…” She let out a sigh, resigning herself to staying in her embarrassed state as she looked at Cullen again. “I just wanted to get the job done as quickly as possible, so I could see you again.” 

“I was more than happy that you came back the same day.” The look that Cullen gave her was so warm that Cassia smiled again. “But wait,” he added, suddenly with a confused frown on his face. “You wore different clothes when you came back later.”

Cassia shrugged. “Well, one of the market stalls I passed on my way to the Gallows had a mirror, and I was the spitting image of a half-drowned mabari, and I kind of wanted to make sure you were also happy to see me again, so in the end, I ran home to change after all.”

For a moment, they were just looking at each other, the last hints of her embarrassment fading away under the look of pure love she could see in Cullen’s eyes. 

“Wonderful, so this actually happened just the way Broody said it did? Finally something I can use!” Varric’s voice drew Cassia’s attention away from her husband-to-be. 

“Are you seriously planning on putting that into your speech?” she asked, a weary look on her face.

“Stories need to be told, Frosty. I don’t make the rules!” 

“I’m pretty sure you make up the rules all the time,” Cassia muttered under her breath.

Varric gave her a shit-eating grin before looking at his notes once more. “So, it was pretty much love at first sight, right?”

“No.” The answer came from both Cassia and Cullen at the same time, making Varric the one with the slightly confused look on his face for once.

“No? Are you seriously trying to tell me you weren’t head over heels for each other from the very beginning?” 

“On this, we’ve always been of one mind,” Cullen said with a smile, and Cassia nodded.

“It was definitely infatuation at first sight, no doubt,” she said softly, “but love…”

At Varric’s still questioning look, Cullen continued, “I don’t think that you can truly love a person without knowing them. And we didn’t. Not at that point at least.”

“Not really,” Cassia agreed. “I also think that, for me at least, love is not something that just happens to you, you know? Infatuation does. Lust does. But love is more than that.” Her eyes were set on Cullen’s as she spoke, “It is something you commit to and that you decide on. Something that you _make_ happen.”

“And we did,” Cullen added, his arm around her tightening ever so slightly. “We _‘fell in love’_ the moment we decided to do this together, despite the obstacles.”

Cassia felt her heart beat just the tiniest bit faster at his touch, smiling at the thought that something as simple as a casual touch from him still had the same effect on her now as it had back then.

“And we haven’t stopped falling since that day,” she added with a smile.

“Praise Andraste and her dog!”

Varric’s loud exclamation tore both Cullen and Cassia out of their mutual moment of tenderness.

“I was beginning to think I’d never get enough out of you to do this right, but this? This is definitely something I can work with! The final touch to the chapter… uh, the speech I mean!” 

Before Cassia could say anything, the door opened, and Adriene burst inside. 

“Sorry, I needed to change first, and I owe you an explanation,” her sister apologized, before letting herself fall down into an armchair. At the sight of her, Varric closed his notebook with a flourish. 

“Twirly, just out of curiosity — do you believe in love at first sight?” he asked with a grin.

Adriene snorted. “Of course I do, have you _met_ Fenris? I think it took me all of about five seconds to be absolutely hopelessly in love.”

Varric chuckled. “Thought as much.” He gave Cassia a wink who only rolled her eyes good-naturedly, before he added, “And on that note, I’m going to leave. Curly, Hawkes… have a good time explaining why the two lovebirds here have to wait even longer!” Without further ado, he stood up. 

“Ah, Varric, you don’t wanna hear this?” Adriene said with a questioning look, but he only shook his head.

“You know me, books don’t write themselves!” he said with an apologetic smile. “You can fill me in later!”

“ _Books_ don’t write themselves?” Cassia narrowed her eyes at him.

He only grinned again. “Incidentally, neither do speeches!” And with that, he was out of the door, clearly unwilling to let anyone catch up with him.

“What was that all about?” Adriene asked a moment later, and Cassia only sighed.

“Don’t ask! I am slightly afraid of thinking too closely about it.”

Her sister put on a disappointed look. “Och, damn it, I’m late one time, and I apparently missed something!”

“Trust me, you didn’t miss much,” Cassia mumbled, getting up from Cullen’s lap to get Adriene a glass as well. 

“Actually,” Cullen objected, the wide smile on his face giving Cassia pause, “you missed a rather wonderful story about your sister that I believe you would definitely want to know!”

Cassia froze. 

“Cullen,” she pleaded, “Don’t do this to me! Isn’t it enough that you know?”

Adriene had noticeably perked up at these words. “Oh, this sounds good already! Tell me first, mine can wait! You’ll be my favorite brother-in-law!”

“I’ll be the only brother-in-law you have,” Cullen said in a dry tone, and Adriene waved her hand in a dismissive motion. 

“Pah, details! Tell me anyway, you might not remain my only brother-in-law after all, better to get a headstart now!”

A small throw-pillow suddenly flew through the air, hitting Cullen straight in his face. 

“I am warning you!” Cassia’s voice sounded sharp, but there was no real heat behind it.

Adriene just chuckled as she jumped up and plopped onto the couch in between her sister and Cullen. “Don’t be threatened into silence, I will protect you from the flying threats, now go and tell me the story, before Cass finds something more substantial to throw!”

There was a very satisfied look and a rather wide grin on Cullen’s face. “So, do you remember that time your sister walked into a duck pond?” he started as Cassia slowly reached for another pillow, cursing the day when she had hoped those two would get along.

“I do not, but I smell a great sto—” Adriene deftly caught a pillow that Cassia had thrown, laughter in her voice. “A great story,” she finished.

Cullen’s grin widened. “Well, it was back when Cassia was working her first job for me.”

Adriene pulled a slight face, trying to keep both Cullen and Cassia in her sight. Her sister was already reaching for the next pillow. “Oh, so she had just realized who you were?”

“Mhm, and apparently—” Cullen started, only to be interrupted by a knock at the door.

“Oh, thank the Maker,” Cassia breathed, throwing her next pillow at Cullen before she went to the door and opened it. “You!” her indignant exclamation at the person in front of her made both Adriene and Cullen perk up.

Fenris held up both hands and blinked in confusion at Cassia, who had both hands on her hips while staring him down. “Yes, it’s... me. Is something wrong?” He looked over to Adriene who chuckled at the expression in his face but just shrugged helplessly. She had no idea what this was about either. “I was just coming to check whether Adriene had already told you.”

“No, in fact, she hasn’t,” Cassia said sternly. “But apparently, _you_ told a certain dwarf too much!” She pulled him inside and closed the door behind him.

“Wait, you know, too?” Adriene exclaimed. “Am I the only one who doesn’t know?”

Fenris’ confusion only grew as he came over and sat down on the armchair, giving Adriene a loving smile as she unceremoniously came to sit on his lap, wrapping an arm around his neck. “Know what?” he asked, a slight frown on his face. “What am I supposed to have told Varric?”

Cullen chuckled. “About the pond incident,” he said before he looked at Adriene. “I thought you wanted to protect me from the pillows.”

She just shrugged. “Priorities,” she grinned and kissed Fenris on the cheek. His arm around her tightened at the caress, and a warm feeling washed through her at the way he looked at her.

Cassia, however, wasn’t about to be distracted as she sat down next to Cullen. “Yes, about the pond incident. Apparently, more than one man in this room cannot keep his mouth shut when they are drunk,” she stated in a stern voice that belied the amused shimmer in her eyes at the sheepish look Fenris and Cullen exchanged, “and Varric took it upon himself to go and tell Cullen about it.”

“About what? Please, I’m dying here!” Adriene interjected pleadingly, but Fenris only laughed.

“Cullen didn’t know about it?” he asked, and Cullen shook his head with a grin.

“Neither do I, what pond incident?” Adriene tried again, but this time, Cassia saw a chance to change the subject and seized it immediately.

“Speaking of things we don’t know anything about, _I_ would like to know why I have to postpone my wedding all of a sudden. Again.” She raised her eyebrows at Adriene who closed her mouth abruptly, a flustered look coming to her face.

“Uhm, you know, _that…_ ” she started, clearing her throat before she turned to look at Fenris. “That was an accident, I promise. Not our fault, really.”

Cassia’s eyebrows rose even higher. “Please, Adriene, explain to me how you _accidentally_ slay a Wyvern. Isn’t it both rare and shy _and_ difficult to find?”

“It is indeed,” Cullen agreed in a fake, grave voice. “Very hard to come by. Hence the big hunt train and all.”

Adriene nodded eagerly. “Absolutely, and since we knew that, we decided to just… keep out of the hunt. We let everyone else do their thing, look for bait, and _be_ bait, and whatnot.”

Fenris seemed to have decided not to add anything, a smile tucked into the corner of his lips as he watched Adriene fumble for words.

“Alright,” Cassia said slowly, “So if you didn’t hunt a Wyvern, how come you killed one? You couldn’t have just… not killed it?”

“We had no choice!” Adriene hastened to assure her sister. “It was self-defense! It tried to kill us, so we had to kill it first.”

Cullen seemed to have the time of his life as he looked from Adriene to Cassia. “Self-defense?” he asked cheekily. “I thought they were not very aggressive.”

“Well, they are if you stumble upon their lair,” Adriene mumbled.

Cassia narrowed her eyes at Adriene. “You found its lair? By accident? Where?”

With a deep sigh, Adriene seemed to resign herself to be unable to come out of this. “In the bushes,” she said, her cheeks flaming. “Quite a bit off the path.”

“And what were you doing in the bushes?” Cassia prodded.

That was the moment that Fenris decided to rejoin the conversation. “Sightseeing,” he said dead-pan.

Adriene nodded hastily, her eyes sparking with amusement as she agreed, “Yes, it’s quite lovely out there. There’s a lake and all. Anyway, we’re really, truly sorry, and it really was an accident, and speaking of the lake — what was that with the pond?”

“Oh, yes,” Cullen said when he was done laughing, putting an arm around Cassia before she could go and get more pillows, “as I said, you’re going to love this story…”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Come talk to us on [Tumblr](https://intoourmultiverse.tumblr.com/)


	24. For the Rest of my Days

Her wedding was everything Cassia could have ever wanted, and yet it was nothing at all like she had always imagined it would be.

Simple, quiet, and hidden away in secret, she and Cullen repeated the promises they had made to each other years ago in the small chapel at Chateau Haine, in front of their closest friends and family. Maia played excitedly with some of the flower petals she had gotten to throw through the entire room with unbridled enthusiasm while Cassia couldn’t even try to hold back her giant grin at not only her daughter’s enjoyment but also the several people around her that tried their very best to not to cry.

From the small hitch in Sebastian’s voice, as he made a little speech, to the rustling and clearing of throats behind her, where both Adriene and Varric tried their best to discreetly snatch one of the tissues Merrill generously provided them with, there was a noticeably high amount of teary-eyed people. Even Cullen had a misty look in his eyes at some point. Yet, Cassia herself had never felt further away from tears in her entire life. Not even tears of joy were possible with the absolutely elated mood that carried her through the entire day, and when she finally got to answer the question Sebastian was asking both of them with a strong and resounding _yes,_ she wasn’t certain if her heart was about to burst from happiness or if it had already happened and she was floating somewhere on some higher plane made of pure joy. 

For once, not even the thought of wishing her mother could be there with them managed to unsettle her. On the contrary. The thought of how much Leandra would have fussed about every detail made her almost giggle to herself. If Cassia closed her eyes for a second, she could see her mother right there with them. How she would sit between Bethany and Adriene, probably with a tear in her eye as well, smiling. How she would probably quietly fiddle with fixing something about Adriene’s hair and mutter something about Bethany sitting up straighter to distract from her own feelings. Anders’ words went through her mind. _You’ve had her longer than most, and when the pain fades, that’s what will matter._ She had scoffed at him back then, but right now, Cassia couldn’t help but admit that he had been right. And instead of feeling the usual sharp pain of her absence, Cassia sent a silent prayer of thanks to wherever her mother was now, hoping with all her heart that she could feel even a fraction of her happiness.

All in all, despite the secrecy and the lingering memories of sadness, the wedding was an overly and openly joyous occasion. A day taken right out of a fairy-tale that Cassia got to enjoy surrounded by her closest friends and her family and making promises of forever to the man she loved. Spending most of the wedding indulging in the delicious food they had organized from the palace kitchen or on her feet or being whirled around in one joyful dance after the other.

The later evening found Cassia on a comfortable sofa. Her legs, sore from dancing, were propped up while she snuggled back against Cullen’s chest. Maia lay half-asleep sprawled over both their laps, holding on to parts of Cassia’s dress as if it were one of her cuddly toys. The mood had grown quieter than before, but it was nonetheless cheerful. On the other side of the low coffee table, there was another sofa that Adriene had claimed for herself, gracefully making room and sharing it with Isabela as the other woman joined them with fresh drinks. Two armchairs completed the sitting area, one housing Carver who had yet another plate of food on his lap, while on the other, Bethany had made herself comfortable in Sebastian’s lap. The conversation had been in a peaceful, content-feeling lull for a moment when Cassia sighed softly.

“This is perfect,” she mumbled quietly. “This whole wedding was perfect.” With a smile, she looked around at her family. “Thank you all for making it so.” Her fingers combed carefully through Maia’s locks in her lap as a brief pang of sadness went through her, the thought of all of this being nearly over looming at the back of her mind. Rigorously, Cassia tried to shove all thoughts about Kirkwall away, but whatever look was on her face, it had been enough to make her sister take note.

“What is it?” Adriene asked simply, and Cassia sighed again. 

“I just wish this could last, you know?” She didn’t have to say more as she saw the knowing look on Adriene’s face almost immediately. Carver had stopped eating, looking at his sisters full of sympathy. 

“You don’t want to go back, right?”

“No,” Adriene answered softly, her eyes still fixed on Cassia before she looked at her brother and gave him a crooked smile. “Because then we will have to pretend to… well, if not hate each other, at least be at odds again. This—” She gestured around them, “never would have been possible.”

“Why do it then?” Bethany chimed in. They all turned to look at her, and she shrugged. “Why go back at all? Why not join us in Amaranthine? You’d be safe from the Circle there, from the politics. I’m sure the Warden-Commander would find a solution to keep the Knight-Commander away.”

For a moment, Adriene could see it. All of them together back in Ferelden, away from Kirkwall, free to just be a family. To meet whenever they wanted to, no charade, no scenes, no acts. No political soirees, no forced work with templars. She let out a sigh full of longing before she shoved it away. It wasn’t that easy, and she knew it. There was more at stake than their own happiness. 

“Because it’s no longer just about us,” she answered Bethany. Isabela tightened her arm around her shoulders but didn’t say anything. “You know what’s going on in Kirkwall, and if we leave, who would help those most desperate?”

“The mage underground, you mean,” Carver said, and Adriene nodded.

“Among other things.”

He frowned. “The underground was there before we arrived in Kirkwall, Ria, you know that. It won’t collapse just because you’re no longer there.”

Adriene scrunched up her nose. He wasn’t completely wrong, she knew. But he wasn’t completely right either. “No, of course not. But it didn’t have the Knight-Captain and the Champions of Kirkwall before. To waste that kind of influence…” She shook her head. Then she added a bit more quietly, “And Anders would never give up his clinic to go back to the Wardens.”

“I see,” Bethany said quietly, but there was a frown on her face that told them that she wasn’t convinced at all.

“Where is Anders, by the way?” Isabela murmured, and Adriene lifted her chin towards the door that led into the gardens.

“Last I saw, he was talking outside with Fenris, Varric, and Merrill.”

Bela only nodded before she turned her gaze back to Bethany who still seemed to ponder Adriene’s words.

“I mean, I can understand what you are saying,” Bethany started again a moment later, “but I also can’t help but declare selfishly that your safety is more important to me than this blighted city.” With a frown on her face, she turned to Cassia. “You are a Circle mage. With some privileges, as dubious as those are, but still, you are a member of the Kirkwall Circle. That comes with more risks than there could ever be benefits.” Her eyes were full of intensity as she looked at her sister, imploringly. “I know you are aware of this, Cassia. You, of all people, have probably thought through every worst-case scenario. Why risk all this?”

Cassia swallowed as she went slightly tense under Bethany’s scrutiny. Her sister was telling her nothing she hadn’t already told herself after all. It didn’t escape her notice how Bethany’s eyes had been lingering on Maia as she had spoken about the dangers. The worst-case scenarios. But before she could answer, Adriene already sighed in resignation.

“Believe me, Bethy, you are not the first person to raise this point, and I completely know how you feel,” Adriene said with a tired, resigned smile on her face. “I’m the first one to admit that I would like nothing more than to get Cassia out of the city, no matter the costs.” At those words, her eyes went over to Cassia, giving her a look that seemed torn between understanding and unhappiness. “But I also know that sometimes you can’t just abandon a cause. I know I can’t, and I definitely can’t insist on my sister doing what I won’t.”

It was strangely quiet for a moment before Bethany leaned back, resting her head on Sebastian’s shoulder. “Can’t argue with that,” she murmured. “I can’t talk Carver out of volunteering for Deep Road missions either.” A small chuckle left her, and Adriene joined in a moment later.

“It’s a family trait!”

Cassia watched her siblings, the unease from earlier rising in her as she tried to laugh along. But the sound got stuck in her throat. The conversation could very well end right there, she realized. A flippant comment from herself, some shared anecdotes about the famous Hawke stubbornness, and the topic would resolve itself — for now. But something about Bethany’s worries struck her deep. Her hands still ran through Maia’s hair, wondering if Bethany had any clue, maybe a hunch, just how much more dangerous the situation was about to get for all of them. Over the pure joy about Anders’ words earlier, Cassia hadn’t allowed herself to let her mind wander into the darker part of her worries. The added risk she was putting herself in, now, in her new, unexpected situation.

“Actually,” Cassia said with a slightly scratchy voice, her eyes stuck on Maia’s sleeping form before she tore them away to look at her family. “Bethany may have a point,” she added softly. The confused look on both her sisters’ faces spoke for itself, and Cassia swallowed, reaching for Cullens hand to intertwine her fingers with his. “There has been a development of some sorts,” she started to explain, every word a little bit more hesitant than she was used to from herself. “I only found out earlier today, but Anders assured me it's absolutely certain.” Cassia took in a deep breath before sharing what should only be happy news, yet was inevitably tainted by the danger looming above all their heads, “I am pregnant again.”

Adriene’s eyes widened, a mix of wild joy and anxiousness rushing through her. “Cassia!” she breathed, straightening where she sat on the couch. She knew that after what had happened in the Foundry, Cassia had given up hope of ever being able to bear a child again, so this was both unexpected and wonderful.

Bethany beat her to any answer, though, jumping from Sebastian’s lap and rushing over to throw her arms around both Cassia and Cullen. “Oh, how wonderful for you!” she exclaimed joyfully. “Congratulations!”

But even among the congratulations and hugs that followed, Adriene saw the shadow and worry in both Cassia and Cullen’s eyes that shimmered behind the happiness. They all knew what happened to children of Circle mages, and even though Cassia’s situation was privileged, none of them could know whether this would extend to another child. When they had settled back into their seats, Carver was the first to bring it up.

“Do you think it will be enough?” he asked grimly, looking at Cullen. “Your status, I mean? Will it be enough to keep Meredith from taking the baby away?”

Behind her, Cullen sighed before Cassia felt a slight movement that indicated he was already shaking his head.

“I can’t say,” Cullen answered in a grave voice. “I want to believe it will be, but it would be a gamble under the best of circumstances. And with Meredith getting more extreme, more paranoid each day, it feels like a foolish thing to hope for, if I am honest.”

The words hung heavy in the air between them, as everyone’s joyful expression dimmed under their weight.

“Blight,” Adriene cursed quietly before looking at Cassia. “How far along are you?”

“Not very far, around ten weeks according to Anders,” Cassia replied, her fingers still combing through Maia’s hair, refusing to stop the gentle caress. She cleared her throat to get rid of the sudden lump in it that seemed only to grow as she thought what all of this could lead to. “Ser Oswald has threatened to take Maia away before,” she admitted quietly. “Back after my Harrowing. And while he doesn’t have the same standing Cullen does, I have no doubt he has his ways to make some compelling points to the Knight-Commander.” To a degree, that they were all here right now, able to be together like this felt like it was down to pure luck. “I would be foolish to insist on taking these risks, wouldn’t I?” Cassia asked the quiet question to no one in particular. “Foolish and quite selfish to put my desire to see this through above the safety of my children.”

Adriene let out a long breath, and her shoulders sank. Cassia was right, and even though it seemed to be the answer Adriene herself had hoped to find for so long — the solution that would make Cassia safe — the thought of not having her close made her queasy.

Swallowing hard, she pushed the feeling away and said, “Then don’t.” Cassia looked up at her, and Adriene added in a soft voice, “Go with Bethany and Carver to Amaranthine. Build a home there, away from any Circle.” She gave her a smile.

“And what about you?” Cassia asked, frowning.

Adriene shrugged. “I could take the blame for chasing you away. She hates me already anyway.” A roguish grin came to her lips. “It could even work to our advantage since Meredith would no longer have you as a bargaining chip against me.” She gave Cullen a calculating look. “And we worked around templars before, we can do it again.”

Cullen slowly shook his head, his frown matching Cassia’s. “While I’m not at all averse to seeing Cassia and our children safely out of Meredith’s grasp, it’s not quite that easy. I cannot just disappear from my duties — for several reasons.”

“Lyrium is a bitch indeed.” Isabela’s voice was close to being too cheerful, but when Adriene looked at her, she saw it for the act it was. They all remembered only too clearly what had happened when Cullen had involuntarily gone off lyrium.

“Amaranthine has a Chantry,” Sebastian interjected. “And its usual contingent of templars. You could always let yourself be transferred there.”

“Meredith would never agree to that,” Adriene said skeptically. “Cassia is too valuable for her. Or if she agrees to the transfer, she’d still keep Cassia in the Circle and send Cullen away without her.”

“She will not let me go,” Cassia agreed with a solemn nod. “Not unless we can fabricate another situation as we did with Chateau Haine.” For a brief moment, she paused, her thoughts suddenly picking up speed. “Though perhaps that is not entirely impossible,” she added.

At her hopeful tone, Adriene perked up. “What do you mean, exactly? I’m not quite following yet.”

“None of us are,” Isabela added with an interested gleam in her eyes. “If you’re planning something, you have to tell us some more.”

“I don’t have a thought-through plan yet,” Cassia said with an apologetic look before shrugging slightly. “More of a general, very vague idea. But we managed to be sent here by Meredith personally by playing on her dislike of you,” she motioned to Adriene, “and her fear of you making connections here that could be disadvantageous for her. Before she heard about you going here, she was adamant about not sending someone.”

Cassia could see the moment Adriene got on the same page as her sister’s eyes lit up.

“We need another situation where sending you, or better even, you and Cullen to Amaranthine would be something she feels she absolutely has to do…” Adriene said slowly.

Carver gave both of them a skeptical look. “Can you think of anything that would even remotely justify this?” he asked, his brow furrowed. 

Cullen hummed thoughtfully, his arm around Cassia’s shoulder tightening ever so slightly, holding her close as he turned to look at Carver. “You have a good connection to your Commander, don’t you?”

There was a hint of surprise on Carver’s face before he nodded. “I do.”

“You think she could be persuaded to go along with a little charade?” Cullen prodded further, and the confusion of Carver’s face only grew. Bethany, meanwhile, seemed to have caught on precisely to what he was getting at.

“You want to make it look like Adriene is making diplomatic inquiries and connections with the Wardens.” Her tone was speculative, but the knowing look on her face spoke of a woman who was already sure of the answer she was going to get. When Cullen nodded immediately, Bethany’s smile widened as she leaned over the side of the armchair towards her brother.

“Knowing the Commander, she might go along with that just for the pure fun of it, wouldn’t you say?”

“To piss off someone like Meredith? No question about it.” Carver snorted with dry amusement as he leaned forward to fish some grapes from the table and popped one into his mouth. “Plus, her wife has connections to people close to the Divine. They would make it air-tight.”

Adriene looked from Bethany and Carver to Cassia, her fingers tightening around Isabela’s hand. A glimmer of excitement was in her voice as she said, “This could actually work!”

“Mhh, the thought alone of seeing someone snatch Meredith’s greatest prize from under her nose and she can’t do anything about it,” Isabela purred. “Delicious.”

Adriene chuckled and nodded.

“We’d need to prepare this carefully, though, if this is supposed to work,” Cassia warned. “We cannot afford to rush this and potentially make a mistake.” She exchanged a look with Cullen before she looked down where Maia had fallen asleep on her lap. “Too much is at stake.”

“We won’t,” Adriene assured her, her eyes softening as she watched them. “But we can actually lay the groundwork here. I mean, what are nobles good for if not gossiping and listening in? They might not be interested in our personal affairs here in Chateau Haine, but overhearing a conversation that implies an official alliance between the Champion of Kirkwall and the Hero of Ferelden would surely make its way back to Meredith.” 

Carver let out a groan. “I hate posturing.”

“Ah, but you’ve become so good at it,” Bethany grinned, quickly avoiding his playful slap to her shoulder with a chuckle. Then she turned back to Cassia who watched them with a smile. Her face turned serious again as she looked at her niece. “You’re worried about Maia, aren’t you?”

Cassia nodded without answering. It was Cullen who said with an edge to his voice, “Oswald already threatened her once. If he fears he could lose the object of his obsession…”

He trailed off, but the sudden seriousness spreading between them showed that they all understood exactly where his thoughts were going. 

“You could send her with us,” Bethany proposed quietly. “Then you don’t have to worry about her until you have Meredith where you want her. An extended family visit.”

For a moment, Cassia’s hand twitched in Maia’s hair before she smoothed over the locks in a gentle motion again. What Bethany said made complete sense. It would be a good excuse since Cassia herself could never expect to go on family visits with her daughter after she had officially become a Circle mage. And yet, the thought of sending her little girl away, even if it was in the company of two of the people she trusted most in her life, sent a sharp blot of pain through her heart. From the sudden tension in Cullen, she knew she wasn’t alone with this feeling, and as she turned her head, tilting it back to look up at his face, she saw in his eyes the same pain she felt in her heart. Together with the part grim and part resigned resolution that they would have to do what was best for their family. What was best for Maia.

“Taking her back to Kirkwall with us when we are trying to find a way out of the city for good would be a pure gamble with her safety,” Cullen said softly, his lips pursed with tension. “I don’t want to make this decision, but…”

“But it’s the only right one to make,” Cassia said in quiet agreement. She squeezed his hand tight as she took in a deep breath. “I don’t want to make this decision either, but it might be the only sane one to make. For Maia’s sake.” 

His fingers wrapped around hers tightly in quiet agreement. “Perhaps we could ask Orana if she would accompany her?” Cullen suggested in a somber voice. “Then she’d have at least some familiarity around her.”

“That sounds like a very good idea,” came Adriene’s encouraging voice from the side. When Cassia looked at her, her sister, while looking just as torn as Cassia felt, smiled at her. “I am sure Orana would be glad to help. And this will all be temporary.”

It didn’t manage to quell the sadness in Cassia at the thought of being separated from her daughter, but she tried her best to take heart at the fact that she wasn’t going to go alone through this. And that they were doing what was best for their child.

“You’re right,” she nodded slowly. “It’s temporary.” With a tentative smile, she looked over to Bethany. “You’ll have to show her around all the good places in Amaranthine, so she can in turn show us the good spots when we can finally follow.”

Cassia wasn’t sure if what she saw was the hint of a tear in Bethany’s eye before she blinked and nodded resolutely. “You can count on it! We’ll make sure she has the best of times while we wait for you!”

Carver leaned over, joining in with further assurances. “Also, the Commander has a lovely cat who is just in dire need of someone to play with!”

With a chuckle, Cassia remembered Anders telling her about an angry rant concerning his cat he had gotten from the Commander a while back, and her next smile didn’t feel quite as forced anymore as they went about their planning with a little bit more optimism than before.

* * *

When Cassia came to herself again, a shiver went through her body. It was dark in the sitting room, only the faintest traces of moonlight falling through a slit in the curtains. Her skin was covered in goosebumps from the fresh night air. With a soft chuckle, she shook her head. That’s what they got for not even making it into the bedroom. And for being too exhausted and comfortable in the moment earlier to even move from the sofa. Gently, she nudged Cullen, trying to wake him enough so they could move and spend the meager rest of the night in a comfortable bed instead, but she got no reply but a sigh and a deep grunt. He was too deeply asleep to be easily roused. 

Another shiver went through her as a gust of wind went over her naked skin, and Cassia got up with a small sigh. If she couldn’t get Cullen to move, she could at least get them a blanket. The wide sofa was comfortable enough, at least. Carefully, she stepped over pieces of clothing and made her way to the bedroom. Her eyes were slowly getting used to the darkness as she gathered the large blanket into her arms. She walked back slowly, careful not to make too much noise. The castle was surprisingly quiet tonight, even for the very late hour it was. Cassia had almost gotten used to the underlying, constant hum of activity that seemed to go on in this place, but tonight it felt… calm. Quieter than any other night since they had arrived. Almost eerily so, Cassia thought. Suddenly, she flinched with a sharp gasp as something brushed her shoulder. 

She clutched the blanket tighter, whirling around, only to see nothing but the quiet, dark room behind her. Pressing the fabric closer to her skin, she scoffed at herself. It had probably been the wind. Several weeks away from Kirkwall, and she was still tense enough to jump at her own shadow? Cassia sighed before she turned back towards the sitting room — only to stop dead in her tracks when something closed firmly over her mouth, pressing down instantly to muffle her shocked scream. A dark form wrapped around her torso, drawing her back against something warm and _solid_.

“Shhh,” came a hushed whisper from beside her ear, and a hint of something warm caressed her cheek before a familiar voice breathed down her neck, “Oh, how I have missed you!”

Everything in Cassia froze, every muscle in her body locked up at the sound, and she suddenly found it hard to breathe, the blanket slipping out of her shaking arms and falling quietly to the ground. 

_No._

This was impossible.

Naked panic welled up in her at the familiarity of the whole situation, and Cassia was frozen in fear as the voice behind her chuckled. “Ah, it truly feels wonderful to bathe in your fear again. The last time we met, you were all numb and broken, but now?” The hold around her chest tightened, causing Cassia to wheeze as she felt like the air was being pressed out of her lungs. “I guess absence really _does_ make the heart grow fonder!”

She tried to speak, tried to grab the hand-shaped form over her mouth, and dislodge it, but her fingers found no purchase in the mix of smoke and solid form that held her tightly. 

“No need for you to talk,” it came from over her shoulder, and something trailed up her arm and up her neck, making her skin crawl. “I know you and what runs through your pretty head. _‘Oh, but how can this be?’_ ” The voice sounded suddenly higher-pitched like it was mocking her. _“I thought I managed to banish you from my dreams with flimsy wards and shaky spells.”_ Just like that, it turned much deeper again. “You didn’t truly think that would work anymore after our little agreement?”

Agreement? Cassia tried to shake her head but she could barely move her head. More and more of the half-solid, half-made-out-of-smoke form wrapped itself around Cassia. The unsettling sensation of far too many fingers caressing her softly made her shudder in disgust, but no matter how much she twisted her body, she could not escape the strange grasp that held her trapped.

“I must say, it’s a bit disappointing!” the familiar voice of her very own, personal demon lamented. “To have you go back resisting me all of a sudden, after we became so close last time. Oh, all those fond memories...” Some of the smoke raked through her hair in a grotesque imitation of a soothing caress. “You were so fearless, but oh so very lost. Shivering and shaking in my arms, much like you are now. Ready to take the leap…” The demon let out a deep sigh. “You and me, finally becoming one. Getting ever closer to true happiness. The world outside fell apart, yet we were safely tucked away in a corner of your mind, realizing that together we could make a _difference._ ” 

Cassia’s breath went faster. No matter how many quiet and peaceful nights she had had since then, it had only taken the creature a couple of words to bring back every memory of how scared she had been in full force. Together with the remnants of the pain and pure panic she had felt all throughout the night of her Harrowing, it was nearly too much. Cassia made a muffled sound, a whimper of distress swallowed by the darkness around her. 

“Surely you remember the sweet promise of acceptance running through your veins?” the demon purred at that moment. “I wonder, does it still burn the same? The fire I saw in your eyes, I felt under your skin, as you took a life and revelled in the fear of your victim?” he asked, each question underlined by a distressfully gentle stroke over her skin. “Does your breath still hitch, and your heart tremble when you think about the look on his face? Or are you back to trying to convince yourself that you felt nothing at all? That we are not the same, you and I?”

“We are not the same!” Cassia got out, whispering under the pressure of darkness that seemed to slither over her skin in an oily, smooth mass. Every muscle in her body was tense, ready to fight at a second’s notice, yet she seemed unable to even turn her head. 

_Frozen in fear._

No matter how much she wanted to push back, the sheer amount of fear washing over her made her unable to even blink in protest. Her eyes were burning and her lungs straining as she fought the feeling of someone pushing down on her chest with an enormous weight. “Stop this!” she hissed with a low growl as an idea came to her. It felt like a too terrible thought to even entertain, but Cassia was thoroughly out of options. “If you want me to listen to you, you need to stop,” she murmured, her voice almost breaking with a gurgling sound as the darkness around her was close to drowning her. 

“But your fear is so very delicious,” the demon murmured against her ear, his entire hold on her tightening for a moment. “And I have been starving myself for far too long.” 

His hold, the tension, the pressure, everything seemed to swell up, swallowing Cassia whole as the terrified scream leaving her lips made no sound against the thick fog of pure fear that engulfed her entire being. Cassia had lost all sense of where she was. Suspended in time by a single emotion wrecking through her body, shaking her to her core. Her eyes wide open, she could see nothing, but she felt everything as tendrils of despair slithered through her thoughts, wrapping themselves tight around every happy thought. Each laughter, each joyful moment slowly withering underneath Fear’s touch, corrupted by the most dreadful versions of _‘what if’_ Cassia could imagine and she knew with absolute certainty in that moment that things were going to get so much worse.

Whatever she had experienced in her dreams before, either the demon had toyed with her and never shown her his full potential, or he had become noticeably stronger over time. With a hopeless, broken sound of desperation Cassia could do nothing but let go. Endure. Forcing herself to stop fighting an utterly useless fight, she let the waves of terror rush through her one by one. She couldn’t say how long it took. She wasn’t even sure if it mattered anymore when the pressure suddenly stopped and the feeling of air rushing into her lungs was so strong and sudden, it was nearly painful.

Her ears were ringing as Cassia blinked disoriented, trying to make sense of the world again while her head felt like it had been underwater for far too long. 

“Ah, that was just what I needed,” came the demon’s voice, cutting heavily through the fog around her head. “See how much easier you can make this for both of us if you simply give in? After all, you made a promise!”

Slowly, Cassia regained a sort of feeling of control over her own body again, flexing her fingers with the utmost effort as she let out a wheezing breath. “Simply?” she got out, accompanied by a small cough. “I felt like I was going to die any second…”

“An unfortunate side-effect of fear,” the demon said, sounding almost happy. “Or should I say a fortunate one? The fear of one’s own demise is one of the most potent emotions there is, after all.” His hold on Cassia seemed to loosen further as his voice became more tangible, more like it was in front of her instead of inside her head. “But now that I am somewhat sated, let’s talk about this new partnership.”

Everything in Cassia clamped up at his words. Partnership. The way he spoke with such certainty. “We aren’t partners,” she blurted out into the darkness in front of her. 

His laughter shook though the semi-solid form and she could feel the slight shaking like ripples through water running over her skin. “Oh, I see,” the demon rumbled. “Your memory seems to be a bit hazy. Tell me, what _do_ you remember then?”

Cassia swallowed, furiously thinking back to the night of her harrowing. “You offered help and I remember asking what I would have to do and then…” Then there had been nothing but darkness, a faint feeling of falling until she had awoken in the Harrowing chamber. But she couldn't possibly have done what the demon implied, could she? Cassia resolutely shook her head. “No, I never said yes to you!”

“Oh, but you did!” the demon whispered, sounding almost ecstatic. “And what a sweet, sweet surrender it was.” The formless mass slithered over her skin again, pressing into her flesh as if to imitate an embrace, and Cassia shuddered from the feeling of how much it felt like a dozen hands were running over her body. ”And I think the results speak for themselves, wouldn’t you agree?” the demon added, sounding almost happy. “Just look at what we have accomplished since then!”

“We?” 

Cassia felt close to choking on the very air she needed to breathe when the demon held her a little bit tighter again.

“Oh, how I adore your naivete sometimes,” he whispered. “Did you really think a situation as bad as yours would just magically resolve itself?” There was something daring behind his voice as he continued, “Your poor sister dying abandoned in a cave, you thrown to the wolves in the Gallows, the Knight-Commander refraining from locking you up and your sister being miraculously saved…” He let out a strange-sounding hiss as he ran a half-corporeal limb over her cheek in a mimicry of a gentle caress. “Your world was ending, but after you gave in to me, we turned all of it around!”

Her heart beat furiously as a cold feeling of dread rose in Cassia. Like a sheen of ice, it wrapped itself around her heart at his words, chilling her to the bone.

“No!” she breathed out. “You’re lying!” There was no way she had agreed to a deal. Righteous anger welled up in her only to suddenly halt as she remembered her own doubts and fears after her Harrowing. Hadn’t she been the one that hadn’t been certain? That had confided in Cullen just how tempted she had been, how willing to actually give in?

“Ah, you remember our little tete-a-tete after your Harrowing then, do you?” the demon whispered into her ear just in that moment. “That sweet little taste of terror when I took your beloved’s form…”

“That was a simple nightmare you are taking from my memories right now,” Cassia insisted, trying her best to deny the creeping suspicions the demon tried to rouse. “My home is warded, you couldn't have been there!”

The demon laughed again, his mock embrace squeezing her hard enough to gasp for air. Something clamped down around her wrists, holding them firmly, limiting her attempts to struggle further. “From the moment you said yes to me, those wards became absolutely useless,” he said gleefully. “I can’t be kept out if I am inside you! Or how do you think I am speaking to you right now? You warded this place too, didn’t you?”

The low sense of terror that had been brewing in her at his words exploded into outright fear again as she realized he was right. The first thing she and Anders had done was ward their sleeping quarters right after they had arrived. The demon being here should, by all means, be impossible! Panic welled up in her as she realized that if what else he said was equally true, she was not only in great trouble, she was a danger to everyone around her. She needed to wake up. Now. Get Cullen and Anders to make certain and then…

She wasn’t even sure what they were supposed to do then, but she knew one thing — she had to get away from this.

“Wake up, wake up, wake up,” Cassia muttered to herself, trying to will it into existence, struggling anew in the demon’s hold who, to her surprise, laughed again. But this time, it sounded gentle, indulgent, almost caring.

“Oh, dear little mage,” he whispered as he held her wrists tight to the point of pain. “What makes you think you’re asleep?”

For a second, everything froze, the world around her coming to a complete standstill as Cassia felt the darkness retreat and she found herself standing in the middle of the room, naked, next to a pile of blankets. 

“Cassia?” came Cullen’s sleepy voice from the sofa a moment before he sat up, squinting at her with tired eyes. “What are you doing all the way over there?”

“I was going to get some blankets,” Cassia whispered tonelessly, unable to move as she tried to make sense of what was happening. If she hadn’t been asleep for that, then… “Cullen,” she got out in a raspy voice, “Something is severely wrong!”

That seemed to almost instantly remove all his sleepiness as he got up immediately. “What is wrong?” Cullen asked, worry in his voice as he hurried around the couch to get to her. “Did you have a nightmare again?”

Helplessly, Cassia looked at the blankets before her eyes were stuck on her own hands, or rather her wrists. And just like that, the fear from earlier was back in full force as she saw with horror how her skin had turned purple. Like fingerprints indented on her flesh, she could see the spots the demon had held her as much as she could still feel the pain when she slightly moved her hands.

A bad dream… She would never have imagined to one day wish for something to have been just that. With the icy feeling of horror around her heart increasing, she looked at Cullen as she silently shook her head. 

“No,” she breathed. “It wasn't a dream.” 

Tears started to prick in the corner of her eyes as she held out her wrists for Cullen to see. His eyes widened in shock and he took her hands in his own, softly caressing the bruises that started to form even as he scanned the room for an intruder that wasn't there. 

_At least not visibly,_ she thought with a shudder. 

“Who hurt you?” Cullen's voice was strained. “Did someone come in?” 

“Yes,” Cassia said, only to immediately follow it with, “no. Nobody came in. It's…” Helplessly, she stopped, swallowing hard as her whole body started to shake. 

Cullen reacted immediately, pulling her into a tight embrace. "Come here," he murmured, sitting down on the sofa with her to put a blanket around her shoulders. "What happened?" he asked again, his voice full of concern. 

"Do you remember... my Harrowing?" she asked, her voice nearly breaking as she spoke. "What I told you afterwards, about the demon and how I nearly said yes to his offer?" 

Cullen only nodded, his hand running in soothing circles over her back. 

"He's still there." 

His hand stopped, and that frightened Cassia nearly more than the demon had before. But there was no way around it, he had to know. 

"Cullen, he's still there. I am an abomination."


	25. The Moment Between Two Breaths

“Anders!”

The knocking on the door was not loud but persistent.

“Anders, wake up!”

He was up and pulling on his trousers before Adriene had even managed to properly process what was going on, still mumbling something incoherent as she reached for Anders and found only the warmth of his body on the mattress.

She blinked in confusion and pushed herself up on an elbow, looking after him as Anders walked to the door. It was still dark outside, not even the hint of dawn visible through the window, just the silvery shine of moonlight.

“Cullen?” Anders asked, sounding more awake than anyone had the right to be at this time of night. “What’s going on?”

“We need your help. Something happened.”

Even though Adriene couldn’t see Cullen behind the door, the worry in his voice was enough to jolt her fully awake, worry rushing through her. Immediately, she scrambled out of the bed, fishing for something to wear, silently cursing her choice of wearing a dress to the wedding instead of something simpler.

While she was still trying to quickly lace the bodice to be half-way decent, Anders was already asking all the right questions.

“No, it’s not the baby,” she heard Cullen say, apparently in answer to Anders. “Neither of us is sick, no, it’s… a demon.”

“What?!” Immediately, Adriene was next to Anders who seemed just as shocked. “Where?”

Cullen looked weary and worried in equal parts as he ran a hand through his already disheveled hair. “I think it’s best if Cassia explains it herself,” he said.

A few minutes later, they were in Cassia and Cullen’s room where Cassia retold what had happened in a slightly shaking voice.

“And you sensed nothing?” Anders asked Cullen while he carefully examined the bruises on Cassia’s wrists, blueish healing light falling from his fingertips.

“No.” Cullen shook his head, one arm around Cassia’s shoulders who leaned gratefully against him. “But I was asleep when it happened.”

Adriene hovered on Cassia’s other side, taking her hand when Anders finished his healing.

“And within her?” Anders’ voice was all businesslike, calm and cool.

Cullen only shook his head again, pressing his lips together. “But…” he started, only to interrupt himself.

A dark feeling rose in Adriene as she looked at her brother-in-law. Cassia was still pale, her eyes haunted, but she didn’t interject, just watched Cullen. “But what?” Adriene asked.

Cullen sighed. “I didn’t detect the templars’ possession back when the blood mages made an experiment out of our recruits. Neither did I sense Justice. Apparently, there is a form of demonic possession I am unable to perceive despite my training.”

“Justice is no demon,” Anders frowned, getting up and taking a few steps into the room.

“Apologies,” Cullen muttered, sounding utterly unapologetic. “But you know what I mean.”

“I do.”

Adriene shook her head, frowning. “No. I remember those templars, and there was definitely something off about them.” She looked at her sister, holding her gaze with all sincerity. “There is nothing off about you. Nothing,” she said with emphasis, pressing her hand.

Cassia’s eyes were shimmering. “How can you be sure?” she asked softly.

Adriene pressed Cassia’s hand against her heart. “You’re a part of me. I  _ know _ you,” she answered.

She would have said more, but at that moment, a blast of light shot towards them and into Cassia, making both the twins and Cullen start violently. A alarmed yelp fell from Cassia’s lips as she grasped her chest where the blast had hit her, and Cullen was on his feet in an instant, reaching for a sword that was nowhere near.

Before any of them could do something, though, Anders already held up his hands in a calming gesture as he gave Cassia an open smile. “There’s no demon inside you,” he said without a single doubt in his voice.

Adriene let out a breath of relief as she saw Cassia sink back into the couch with a small groan.

“Keran,” Cassia murmured, and Adriene nodded. She had come to the same conclusion.

Cullen looked from one to the other with a look of utter confusion. “Keran? The recruit you rescued from the blood mages? What?”

“Yes. That was how we tested him whether they had already succeeded in planting a demon in him,” Anders explained, coming back to the others and sitting down in an armchair. “If there were one hiding in Cassia, it would have defended itself.”

Cullen’s eyes widened in understanding and he slowly sat back down. “I see,” he murmured. “Are you alright?” he asked Cassia, letting out a long breath as she nodded, and pulled her into his arms.

Cassia seemed to nearly melt into his embrace as the tension from earlier left her. Not that Adriene could fault her. She gave Anders a grateful smile, forming a silent  _ Thank you _ with her lips. Anders smiled back, the same relief she herself felt shimmering in his eyes.

“That just leaves the question of how the demon came in,” Anders added after a moment, the frown back on his face. “From what you said, it seems to be the same one that haunted you in your Harrowing — and Adriene as well.” His eyes went to Adriene. “You didn’t have those nightmares again, did you?”

Adriene shook her head, a cold shiver flitting over her skin at the memory of the horror-filled nights that had plagued her for so long and the Harrowing she had witnessed. “Could it be a faulty ward?” she asked, her mouth dry.

Cassia looked doubtful. “He said that the wards and spells could not keep him away.”

“Of course he would say that.” Anders gave Cassia a small smile. “Anything to try and keep you from strengthening the defenses you have. Sowing doubt about your own strength is a demon’s biggest weapon.” He eyed the walls as if he could see the wards Cassia had put down. “It seems the most likely reason. In any case, it can’t hurt. Would you like my help?”

Adriene was certain Anders asked to assure Cassia that he did not doubt her ability, and from the smile her sister gave Anders, she knew as well. “I’d appreciate it,” she said, a hint of wickedness coming back into her smile as she looked at Cullen. “If only because I still feel rather… tired out.”

The low laughter washing through the room at her words swept away the last remnants of tension and anxiousness. It did not take long for Anders and Cassia to renew and strengthen the existing wards in the bedroom and add a few others before each of them returned to their room. Anders promised Cassia to assist her in doing the same to the other wards in the rest of the rooms the following day.

When they met the next morning, Cassia reported with no small amount of relief that she had slept dreamlessly for the rest of night. There had been no trace of the demon in her consciousness, and the same was true for what was left of their stay in Chateau Haine.

Now that the main hunt was over, all that remained were a few days of idle festivities and talks until the big Summerday party that would end the event. Duke Prosper took extra care to spend time with each of his guests, especially Adriene as the big hero of the hunt. To her own surprise, Adriene found she didn’t mind it too much. There were no true stakes here, and Kirkwall had given her ample practice in terms of charming nobles. Knowing that it took attention off Cassia who could spend as much relaxed and happy time as possible with Cullen and Maia was an added bonus. And the nights in her lovers’ arms were reward enough — or at least in Fenris or Anders’ arms.

Isabela was surprisingly often absent until the wee hours of the morning, returning with glee in her eyes and a grin on her lips, talking in riddles about whatever she had gotten up to with Bethany, Carver, Sebastian, and Tallis. More often than not, she dragged Merrill along, so that most evenings, the others barely saw any of them.

It led to several grand tales that Varric spun about their supposed adventures in the hidden depths of Chateau Haine. It wasn’t until the ball on Summerday was half over that they learned about what the group around Tallis had actually been up to.

“You’re kidding me,” Adriene said, a look of utter disbelief on her face.

Isabela had her arms wrapped around her girlfriend from behind, hiding her mad giggling at Adriene’s shoulder. She had found Adriene and Cassia at the ball and dragged both of them upstairs into Carver’s room, where they found him, Bethany, and Sebastian, still looking slightly worse for wear. Tallis was curiously missing, but after what Carver had just told them, that was the last thing on Adriene’s mind. Somehow, in their attempt to steal the famed jewel, their siblings and friends had managed to get arrested, broken out, found out about the Orlesian’s court attempt to start a war with the Qunari, and killed Duke Prosper in the process.

Carver managed somehow to look both sheepish and dignified as he shook his head. “I’m afraid not.”

“You… killed the Duke.” The statement came from Cassia who shared Adriene’s look of disbelief while she healed a minor injury on Carver’s shoulder. “Duke Prosper. Our host.”

“Well…” Bethany started, her eyes shimmering with amusement as she exchanged a look with Sebastian. “It was in self-defense. He did set his pet Wyvern on us.”

“But why?”

“We, uhm, interrupted him dealing with Tal-Vashoth,” Carver said in a voice that sounded like it would explain everything. “He was… unamused, and tried to have the Wyvern eat us.”

“And then he fell from grace,” Isabela said before she collapsed into laughter again, clinging to Adriene who looked bemused and confused at the same time.

Bethany chuckled as well, hiding her grin at Sebastian’s shoulder.

“What?” Adriene asked. She still felt completely out of the loop, and from Cassia’s look, her sister didn’t fare much better.

Sebastian let out a deep sigh, but there was a twitch in the corner of his mouth that belied his somber expression. “It was a rather impressive fight,” he explained, inclining his head to Adriene. “And after experiencing firsthand what kind of adversary these beasts are, my respect for your feat of winning the hunt only grows.” Adriene decidedly ignored Cassia’s snort at that, but Sebastian didn’t wait for an answer. “Eventually, we managed to trip the wyvern and it tumbled off the cliff,” he continued, “but the Duke clung to the side of the mountain, making baseless threats against Kirkwall and Amaranthine before he-”

“Fell from grace!” Isabela interjected, still laughing. Adriene chuckled along. Isabela’s laugh was infectious indeed, and within the context of the story… 

“It’s literally what Carver said when the Duke fell,” Bethany said somewhat exasperated but still with that twinkle of amusement in her eyes. Her voice dropped an octave as she added, “Looks like the Duke has fallen from grace.”

Her imitation of Carver’s voice broke the last restraints Adriene had and she started to laugh loudly alongside Isabela.

“I don’t think anyone else saw us, and it’ll probably be a while before it has been discovered what exactly happened,” Carver said sternly as he pulled a new shirt on, giving Cassia a grateful nod and decidedly ignoring Adriene and Isabela’s laughter. “Still, I think it would be better if people thought we were at the party or up here to avoid any complications.”

Cassia sighed and looked from one to the other while Adriene tried in vain to rein her laughter in. “So the lot of you need an alibi, yes?”

Sebastian nodded solemnly. “We do.”

“Where is Tallis, by the way?” Adriene asked between laughs, wiping a hand over her eyes.

“She… left,” Carver mumbled, looking decidedly uneasy. “Turns out she’s Qunari, and the jewel she was after was actually Qunari intel.”

“What?!” Cassia and Adriene’s shocked exclamation was perfectly in sync.

“Don’t worry, I still got something for the effort,” Isabela chimed in. “I actually have a crew now.”

Adriene looked in a weird mix of disbelief, concern, and amusement from one to the other. “Cassia, please tell me that you heard the same things?”

“I… yes,” Cassia sighed, crossing her arms in front of her chest. “Maker preserve us, Varric will have a field day trying to unravel all of this. Thankfully, everyone is going to leave in the next few days anyway, otherwise that would have cut the whole event short somewhat abruptly. But first things first.”

Within the next hour, the rest of their family was informed about what had happened, and Adriene watched in fascination how Cassia, Varric, and Fenris managed to seamlessly weave into conversations with various people at the ball how they had already spoken to Carver or one of the others. When the ball came to an end some time in the early morning, several other people swore up and down that they had had a lovely evening with the heir to the Starkhaven throne, or the Warden-Constable and right hand of the Hero of Ferelden.

It took the Prosper household until the next afternoon to establish that the Duke had not survived the night. By the time the news had officially been declared and the rumors and cries of shock and outrage — both fake and genuine — had made their round, both the Amaranthine and Kirkwall entourage were already packing to depart early the following morning.

“If anyone asks, this was not my fault,” Isabela declared, lounging on the bed. Adriene gave her an amused look from where she was sorting the latest batch of laundry into a travel bag.

“What was not your fault? The sleeping in, the seduction before you even tried to get out of bed, or the nap afterward?”

Bela chuckled, stretching languidly and very much naked while giving Adriene the sultriest look she could manage. “None of it! If anyone is to blame, it’s Anders,” she grinned.

Fenris threw her an incredulous look. “Anders?”

“Yes!” Isabela declared. “First, I had to drink because I was sulking since he managed to take advantage of Adriene’s lovely dress before me, hence the sleeping in, then I had to make up for lost time, hence the seduction, and then… alright, maybe the nap is my fault.”

Fenris laughed. “You could have blamed that on me for exhausting you thoroughly.”

“Mmh, that you did,” Bela purred while Adriene grinned. “Alright, I’m happily blaming that one on you, that’s still two to one for Anders and none for me.”

Adriene closed the bag and walked over to give Isabela a kiss. “I guess I have to thank you for not blaming me for once,” she murmured, her eyes sparking as she looked at her partner.

Isabela just shook her head with a chuckle. “Sorry, seagull,  _ your  _ general guilt in making me do anything is a given and no longer needs to be mentioned separately.”

“I don’t know how I ever deserved this, truly!” Adriene exclaimed with an overly dramatic sigh, leaning back into Fenris’ embrace as he stepped up behind her.

“Are you complaining?” he asked amusedly, kissing her neck.

“Never,” she answered, her voice turning soft as she looked from one to the other. 

Isabela curled up onto her side and put her head into her hand. “I still cannot believe that Anders actually beat me at my own game and got under Adriene’s skirts before I did! Fenris, you never intervene.”

Fenris’ laugh rumbled against Adriene’s back, sending a warm shiver over her skin as he pressed a kiss beneath her ear. “That is because I get the treat of hearing everything about it afterward,” he murmured, and Adriene could feel him smile against her neck. “But if you want me to join the competition, Isabela, I’m happy to oblige you.”

“You are all bad,” Adriene laughed. “I will never get any important conversation done at any party ever again, will I?”

“Are you complaining again?” Bela grinned.

“Again, I am never complaining.” Adriene put her tongue out to Isabela.

At that moment, it knocked, and Adriene exchanged a quick look with Fenris before she turned to open the door. “You should get her to pack, otherwise we’ll have to do it for her at dawn.”

“Lies!” Isabela exclaimed, throwing a pillow after Adriene as she walked towards the door, but the laughter in her voice betrayed the fact that she knew exactly that Adriene was right.

When Adriene opened the door, a bright, surprised smile came onto her face as she saw Anders. The delighted, soft look on his face sent a rush of warmth through her, her heart doing a little flip. The last two weeks with him — with all of them — had been without exaggeration the best of her life. Never could she have imagined just how much joy and happiness would be brought to her life by no longer holding back any of her feelings. Adding to that having all her siblings around her, and Cassia and Cullen back to being the very picture of love, Adriene knew that she’d be hard-pressed to name any other time that had been so completely unburdened and happy. 

“Anders! I was just about to come to you!” she beamed and raised herself onto her toes to kiss him. 

From inside, Fenris called, “If he’s here already, ask him to come in, there is something I wanted to talk to you all about anyway. Bela, do you mind?”

“What? Not at all, nothing here he hasn’t seen already.” Isabela sounded completely relaxed, and Adriene rolled her eyes good-naturedly.

“She’s trying to get us to pack for her by distracting us and then claiming she’s out of time,” she explained, and Anders chuckled. 

“Distracting, huh?” he asked amused. “I have a feeling I know what kind of distraction that is.”

“Only the best kind,” Bela grinned at him as he followed Adriene into the room. 

“I thought as much,” Anders smirked, raising an eyebrow. He settled into an armchair, and Adriene got comfortable on his lap.

“I’m still not packing for you,” Fenris said with a meaningful look towards Isabela, and she sighed dramatically.

“Very well, I’ll get dressed. But I’m going to complain all the way!” Bela said, rolling out of the bed, and started to pull on her clothes.

“That was easier than expected,” Adriene murmured, exchanging a grin with Fenris.

Isabela heard her despite her low voice and shrugged as she laced her corsage, unfazed by her girlfriend’s comment. “It’s only because you’re all boring and overdressed.”

“You mean ‘dressed’?” Fenris asked as he sat down into the other armchair.

“That’s what I said, isn’t it?” Isabela grinned. “Anyway, what was it that you wanted to talk about?”

Fenris took a deep breath, looking from her to Adriene and Anders. “It has been nearly a year since we started to plan for Danarius’ return.” The earlier playfulness left him as he spoke, replaced by calm seriousness. Adriene reached over to him to take his hand, and he gave her a short warm smile before he continued, “Ever since, I realized that for all my tries to get away from all that is Danarius, I have held on to certain things that are inextricably connected to him. Most of them in a vain attempt to get him to come to Kirkwall.” His eyes bore into Anders’ as he added, “Had it not been for your help, I might still be waiting for my chance to confront him.”

Anders shook his head once. “Think nothing of it.”

Isabela joined them, putting her arms around Fenris from behind the chair and placed a kiss onto his neck. “Why are you talking about that old, dead man? He’s gone and you have us,” she said. “He deserves no further thought, does he?”

Fenris’ lips curled in a smile and he inclined his head. “You are not wrong. But still, I am surrounded by things that remind me of him, intentional or not. In Kirkwall, I mean.”

Adriene’s lips formed a silent ‘Oh’ as she realized what he meant. “The mansion,” she murmured.

Fenris’ eyes returned to her. “Yes. These last weeks have made me realize how little it means to me when everything I love is… here.” It was such a simple thing to say, and yet, it seemed to encompass everything that was right with the world. For a second, Adriene felt herself nearly close to tears, her fingers closing more tightly around Fenris’. But Fenris wasn’t done. “And now as we’re about to travel back,” he continued, “I find myself unwilling to return to it. I have been thinking about selling the mansion.”

Adriene sat up more straight as the meaning of his words slowly sunk in, her eyes widening and excitement running through her. “That would mean…”

“That I would move in with you permanently,” he nodded. “If you agree, of course.”

“Why do you even have to ask? Of course!” Adriene’s voice was jubilant, but Fenris’ eyes fixed on Anders.

“Anders?” he asked carefully.

Anders’ smile turned to confusion. “Why are you asking me?”

“Because you live there, too, silly,” Isabela answered, beating Fenris to it. “But while we’re at it, I’ve been thinking something similar. You have way too many guest rooms anyway. Does your offer for the room still stand?”

Adriene’s mouth fell open and she stared at Isabela. Did she hear that correctly? They had been a couple for nearly a year already, but Bela had never made any attempt to spend more than two or three nights a week at the house, not even after Fenris started to be there nearly permanently. As much as Adriene wished it were different, she had never tried to convince her otherwise, remembering their talk about how easily Isabela felt trapped only too well. She never wanted to make Bela feel like she was shackled to her.

Isabela seemed to sense where her thoughts were going and gave her a wink. “Hey, if this trip here taught me anything, it’s that I find myself liking coming back and know you’ll be there. And now that I have a ship  _ and  _ a crew, the house in Hightown seems only appropriate.”

“Are you sure that this is the reasoning you want to go with?” Fenris asked dryly, and Bela chuckled.

“You already went all out with love and romance, and Adriene is crying already.”

Fenris’ eyes snapped back to her with a look of worry, and quickly, Adriene wiped a hand over her cheeks. Anders’ arms tightened around her, and she smiled at the others, but unable to stop the tears at the overwhelming feeling rushing through her. This seemed too good to be true.

“I’m sorry, it’s… I’m being silly, it’s just…” She made a helpless gesture. “Happiness.” She chuckled, but the sound was wet and half a sob. Fenris brought her palm to his lips and kissed it, a smile on his lips.

Anders’ leaned his head against hers. “You deserve it,” he murmured.

“So I take it you’re alright with it, too?” Isabela asked Anders. “It is your home as well, after all, and personally, I take no responsibility for anything that will happen once we’re all living together.” Her grin widened as Adriene’s chuckle grew louder.

“That won’t stop us from blaming it on you anyway, you know that, Isabela, right?” Anders said matter-of-factly, matching her grin.

“Oh, you can  _ try, _ ” she protested, but the delight in her voice betrayed her true feelings, and the others laughed.

“But to answer your question,” Anders added, “no, of course I don’t mind. I support your decision, Fenris. I wouldn’t want to live in a Circle either, be it abandoned or not.”

“I knew you’d understand,” Fenris said. He gave Adriene a loving smile. “Are you alright, amata?”

“Yes,” she sniffed, wiping her hands over her cheeks again, still in vain. But despite her tears, her smile was bright as she looked at her loved ones. Her heart seemed so full she feared it might burst. “Yes, I’m more than alright.” They’d finally be a family.

* * *

Parting from Carver, Bethany, Sebastian, and Maia the next day was bad enough, but nothing compared to the dread that overcame Adriene when their party separated from Cassia and Cullen’s again. The last few weeks away from Kirkwall had hammered home just how much the situation in the city kept them apart. The twins held on to each other for what felt like hours, unwilling to let go. They didn’t say anything, but Adriene could feel the tremors that ran through her sister. Not that she felt much better. The closer they came to Kirkwall, the more frequent her own nightmares got again, the moments where she felt like she couldn’t breathe, or where her eyes met Cassia’s and she just knew they shared the same feeling of terror at the knowledge of what awaited them.

For the longest time, Adriene had thought that she had a pretty good grip on what was going on. But right now, she felt like her refusal to acknowledge the true magnitude of it all was the best job of self-deception she had ever done. Up until she had experienced the freedom to openly be herself in Chateau Haine — despite the watchful eyes of nobility there — she hadn’t quite realized just how trapped she felt in Kirkwall, how watched, how under pressure. And now, she and Cassia would have to keep up the horrible charade of being on opposite sides again.

“We’re going to make it work. We’ve managed so far,” she whispered against Cassia’s ear as she held her close.

“I know. We will,” Cassia said, trying to sound encouraging, but Adriene knew just as well as Cassia that neither of them truly felt it.

Not that it mattered, she thought as she watched her sister’s party depart from their joined route and took a deep breath. Whether they felt like they could weather it or not, they would. It was not like they had a choice.

Adriene’s good mood slowly increased again as they neared the city proper a few days later themselves. She watched Fenris and Anders argue good-naturedly about what Fenris would do with the money from selling Danarius’ mansion, and the warmth and happiness that rushed through her at the knowledge that all three of her partners would be closer than ever was nearly enough to drown out the thought of going back to fighting Meredith’s reign.

A few hours later, they reached the Amell Estate in the late afternoon. Bodhan and Sandal were nowhere to be seen, but since they hadn’t sent word ahead, Adriene didn’t wonder about their absence. Fenris had deposited his luggage at the house before he went to look after his mansion and gather the first of the things he would take with him when moving into the estate while Isabela had gone to Lowtown with Varric, Merrill, and her new crewmates.

“Looks like Bodhan anticipated our arrival around this time,” Adriene called from the kitchen as she looked through the cupboards. She and Anders had unpacked nearly completely — and taken advantage of the fact that they had the house to themselves. “I won’t even have to go to the market, there’s enough food for the next few days.” She looked over to Anders as he came in and gave him a smile. “You’ll be here for dinner, right? At least today?”

Anders returned the smile and nodded as he pulled her into his arms. “That was the plan at least,” he said. “I just wanted to check on the clinic.”

“Yes, and I know you, and the ‘just wanted to check’ very quickly turns into ‘just wanted to help’, and then you’ll forget the time, and suddenly the sun is up. Again,” Adriene chided him lovingly.

Anders chuckled before he kissed her. “I promise,” he murmured against her lips. “I have someone to come home to after all.”

“You always did, you just didn’t realize,” Adriene answered, unwilling to let go of him.

Anders’ eyes were bright as he looked at her, caressing her face. “I do now.” Again, he kissed her before he reluctantly drew back.

“Go, I’ll still be here when you’re back,” Adriene smiled. “Oh, and ask Alain if he wants to come to dinner tomorrow. After a few weeks alone in the clinic, he definitely deserves to be pampered for a while.”

Anders laughed. “Definitely. I will ask him.”

He had just left when the back door opened and Bodhan came in.

“Lady Adriene, you are back!” he called out, wringing his hands as he hurried towards her. Behind him, Sandal followed slowly, and Adriene’s eyes widened as she saw that he had several faded bruises on his face.

“What happened?” she exclaimed, shock in her voice.

Bodhan pulled Sandal closer, a look of helplessness and sadness on his face. “Ah, we met some templars who took issue with my poor boy. They just roughed us up a bit, it's nothing bad, mylady. We were lucky.”

“Lucky?!” Adriene stared at them. Hot anger started to rise inside her. They had  _ dared?! _ “How could Aveline let this happen? This is not to be born!”

“Please, Lady Adriene, don't make a fuss for our sake, we… it’s…” Bodhan sighed deeply, looking at Sandal before he turned back to Adriene. “We're leaving Kirkwall soon anyway, so it’s not worth it.”

For a long moment, Adriene did not know what to say. The cold dread that had started on the way back to Kirkwall exploded through her with bitter intensity, and she swallowed hard. “Leave?” she eventually managed. It was not that she ever needed a servant, but she had come to think of Bodhan and Sandal as something like family. Hearing all of a sudden that they wanted to leave made her reel.

Bodhan sighed again. “Well, with the state of things as it is… and there are people in Orlais who have shown an interest in my boy’s enchantments.”

“Enchantment!” Sandal called out, but there was something subdued and sad in him that Adriene had never heard. Her heart clenched.

“Oh, don’t worry, my boy. Everything will be just fine,” Bodhan tried to calm him.

“But Bodhan,” Adriene started a bit helplessly, “is it because of the incident with the templars? I’m sure I can talk to Cullen and we’ll find some way to prevent anything like this happening again.”

“Ah, I’m no longer so sure you can, my dear,” Bodhan said sadly. Before she could answer, his eyes widened and he slowly shook his head. “By the Ancestors. You haven’t heard yet, have you?”

“Heard what?” The feeling of dread closed like an ice-cold fist around Adriene’s heart as she saw the look in his eyes. Something had happened while they had been gone. Something bad.

Bodhan’s arm tightened around Sandal’s shoulders for a moment, then he let go and gestured to the table. “Oh, you better sit down for this.”

* * *

Sheer panic was rushing through her as Adriene ran and stumbled through the cellar and the secret entrance to Darktown. She hadn’t wasted a single second after Bodhan had told her that the templars had overrun the clinic a week ago. They had killed two people and arrested Alain on the spot, then posted guards to wait for Anders’ return. Darktown had been raided twice since Meredith had all but supplanted the City Guard with templars, and people were terrified. And not only in Darktown. Several nobles had spoken out against Meredith, and not all of them were around anymore.

While Bodhan had spoken, Adriene felt like the world slowly crumbled around her. All they had worked for, all they had fought for had been usurped by Meredith with sheer force. And now the templars were waiting for Anders.

The clinic lay dark and silent, the door hanging from the hinges as she came out of the tunnel. Adriene had her knives in hand as she raced into the clinic. Magic lay thick in the air, brittle and sharp on her tongue, making the hairs on her arms rise. Beneath it was the dull, copper taste of blood.

“Anders!”

He stood in the middle of the room with his back to her, breathing heavily. His hands were still glowing in an ice-blue light, and three templars lay dead around him. They still had their swords in hand, their bodies twisted in sickening shapes. Blood seeped out of their armor, slowly gathering in puddles on the floor. Adriene took it all in with wide eyes before she let her weapons sink.

“Anders,” she said again, more softly. “Oh, thank the Maker.”

Relief flitted warmly over her skin and down her spine as she saw him, and she quickly put her knives away and took a step towards him.

_ “You!” _

Adriene stopped short as Anders turned around and the smell of magic in the air intensified. Bright veins of light sparked over him, his eyes pure white fire that seemed to gather all around him as well. Justice. She had never been afraid of the spirit, but as he started to advance on her with supernatural speed, Adriene couldn’t help the rush of terror going through her.

_ “This is your fault!”  _ Justice growled, following her as she drew back with wide eyes.

“No,” she breathed, desperately shaking her head as she bumped into the wall.

_ “You made him leave, you made him abandon his duties!”  _ Justice hovered before her, his whole body tense. She thought he should be shaking with anger, but instead, there was just this too-still tension, the flickering of magic over his skin.  _ “He would have stayed and fought, yet you convinced him to leave those who needed him most!” _

Adriene could only stare at the spirit in front of her. He wasn’t attacking, and her initial terror had subsided, but there was a dark feeling rising in her that felt suspiciously like guilt.

“I… I didn’t-” she stammered, only to stop talking again as Justice seemed to grow in height before her.

_ “Your fault!” _ he repeated more loudly, biting anger clear in his voice.  _ “For you, he would abandon that which he treasures most, for you, he would abandon those who rely on him! But no more.” _

As quickly as he had come towards her, Justice drew back, his face distorted with rage. He towered before her, and the power sizzling in and around him made Adriene’s mouth go dry.

_ “You were wrong. This is not like training.” _ Justice’s voice seemed to reverberate through her whole body, his glowing eyes burning into her. _ “This is war. And there are no breaks in war.” _

Adriene pressed her lips together and swallowed hard as she remembered the conversation in Chateau Haine’s gardens. What had followed. The pure joy and lightness in Anders — in them both — ever since. How far away it seemed now with the death around them.

“I couldn’t know this would happen,” she said, taking a step towards Justice with a pleading gesture. “How was I supposed to-”

_ “I warned him, and through him, you,”  _ Justice hissed.  _ “You didn’t  _ want  _ to know. You are but a distraction. We have no need of you.” _

His words sent a cold sliver of fear through Adriene and with another few quick steps, she was standing before him. “But  _ I _ need  _ you!” _ she exclaimed, grabbing his hand and trying to find a hint of Anders in the white fire of Justice as she searched his face. “Anders, please, I need you. We can… we can still fix this, together. Anders…”

It was but a blink, and Justice was gone.

Anders took a deep breath, his eyes unfocussed for a second before he looked at her in surprise.

“Adriene? When did you come in?” he asked in confusion.

The cold feeling inside her grew as she realized that he had no recollection of what had happened just a moment ago. But this was not the time for that kind of conversation. Not while they were standing amidst the ruins of the clinic and the bodies of the templars who had tried to kill him.

“I came as quickly as I could once Bodhan told me what happened here while we were gone,” she said, looking up at him, and a treacherous burning was in her eyes. “I was scared I’d be too late.”

Adriene buried her face at his shoulder as he pulled her close, trying in vain to suppress the tremble running through her.

“You don’t have to worry about me. Those are not the first templars coming for me. I can take care of myself,” Anders said soothingly, but the words only managed to fan the fear Justice had planted in her.

“I know,” Adriene mumbled, looking up at him. “But you shouldn’t have to.”

A small, sad smile was on Anders’ face as he leaned down to kiss her, his hand slipping to the nape of her neck. The press of his warm lips on hers alleviated something of the cold inside her. It only lasted a moment, though, for when he pulled back and looked around with dark and haunted eyes, he said in a strained, grim voice, “I never should have left Kirkwall. I should have been here to protect them.”

Adriene’s grip on his hand tightened as her heart clenched. He might not remember what Justice had said, but he clearly echoed the same sentiment. 

“I’m sorry,” she whispered, looking around as well. Only now did she take the chaos in, the toppled closets and cots. Alain’s tiny living area was trashed. It looked like the templars had tried to do as much damage as possible as they had raided it.

“This is not your fault,” Anders said, but his voice was still dark. He let go of her and stepped over the bodies on the ground towards the closet that had held their supply of healing herbs and bandages. Adriene quickly came to help him as he lifted it up, a cascade of splinters, crumbs, and broken glass falling down as they righted it. Anders grabbed a handful of herbs from a broken glass container, and a thoughtful, grim look was on his face as he looked first at the chaos in the room, then back to the herbs in his hand before he let them fall down again and stood up. 

Adriene took up a bandage and started to roll it up. “We’ll get Alain out, I promise,” she said in a vain attempt to say, to do anything helpful. Anything that would help ease the look of guilt, grief, and fury on Anders’ face. “We’ll get him out and rebuild, and we’ll show Meredith that we’re not bowed so easily.” 

Anders’ gaze snapped to her. “Alain is alive?!” Wild hope was in his voice, and Adriene quickly nodded.

“Yes! Or… at least that’s what Bodhan says. They arrested him.”

A faint glow was in Anders’ eyes as he balled his fist, and his voice had that quality that spoke of Justice’s presence as he growled, “Meredith will regret this. They will all regret this.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Come talk to us on [Tumblr](https://intoourmultiverse.tumblr.com) :D


	26. The Inevitable Plummet

Cassia had not looked forward to returning to the Gallows. The time away from Kirkwall had only served to amplify just how much she hated every single moment spent there. She clung with all her might to the thought that they had a plan. Something to work towards. But despite that glimmer of hope, from the moment she had said goodbye to Maia and had watched Bethany and Sebastian take her daughter with them, something in Cassia had felt hollow. 

No matter how much she told herself that it had been for the best, Maia’s absence had left a hole behind that both she and Cullen had felt deeply in the past few days of traveling home alone already.

It hadn’t helped that Cassia had barely been able to make time for a wash and a change of clothes since they returned until they were called to report to the Knight-Commander.

She and Cullen were separated almost immediately by duty, and the empty feeling in her stomach only grew as she sat through Meredith’s meticulous and elaborate questions about every single thing that happened in Chateau Haine. The longer they talked, the more happy memories of a time spent with family and friends drifted away.

Meredith herself seemed harder somehow, more determined than ever before, and the way her eyes shone when she talked about the things that happened in Cassia’s absence and the measures taken by the Order sent more than one chill down Cassia’s back.

But it was nothing next to the dread that rose in her as Ser Oswald appeared and, with Meredith’s approval, whisked Cassia away to some new, apparently important thing that he needed her input for. Cassia had managed to avoid being alone with him in the weeks before her departure, but the time away from him had done nothing to quell her lingering fear and disgust for the man.

Her anxiousness was only amplified when he was surprisingly civil as they walked through the halls of the Gallows until they came to a stop in front of a large set of doors.

“What is this?” Cassia got out, her stomach clenching in foreboding anxiety. 

“Now, won’t you go inside and see for yourself,” Ser Oswald said, sounding far too polite to promise anything good. “After all, I went through the extra effort of putting this off until your return. Just so you could be the guest of honor for this.”

With those words, he clasped her shoulders in a firm grip, and resolutely pushed her ahead and into the trial chamber. 

Cassia had never been in this room before, yet it looked strangely familiar. The layout reminded her of the room they had held her Harrowing in. The same desolate, forlorn feeling clung to it. The same high and inaccessible windows adorned the walls, and the faint light shining through them cast large shadows filled to the brim with dread. And in the center of it, the floor was elevated like a stage. At the place where Tevinter once sold and exhibited their slaves now stood what could only be described as a mockery of a courtroom. 

None of the people at the center paid any attention to them, and before Cassia could do or say anything, Ser Oswald dragged her off to the side, into the shadows, and out of sight.

“We don’t want to disturb them; this is an essential procedure, after all,” he murmured, and the hint of glee in his voice made Cassia sick to her stomach.

“I don’t know what you are playing at, but I am not above disturbing the whole Gallows if you do not get your hands off me this instant,” she hissed, twisting sharply to get out of his grasp, but before she could get away, he grabbed her chin harshly, turning her head and forcing her to look right at the court area.

“I’d think twice about that if I were you,” he murmured. “They do not take kindly to interruptions, especially not from mages.” 

With her eyes forced to look, Cassia went very still as she realized she was seeing someone familiar. There, with his head hanging low, on his knees and in heavy chains, was Alain.

“No…” she breathed out desperately as her heart started racing in pure panic. Instinctively, she tried to break free when Ser Oswald’s arm around her hardened, and his fingers dug painfully into her skin.

“Please,” he said snidely, “make a fuss! Yell, scream or better even, try to rescue him.” His voice was harsh, yet still quiet enough that it was for her ears only. “Give me a reason to slap those same chains on you. Go on! Make my day.”

His hand wandered along her torso, fingers blatantly circling the buttons of her dress. “I’d like to avoid making you tranquil,” Ser Oswald breathed heavily into her ear. “But it’s not like I won’t find a way to enjoy it regardless.” 

Cassia’s breath quickened, and she felt close to throwing up when he added, “Besides, the part where they want to hear witnesses is over already. We’re only here to see the verdict.”

Something in her went completely cold, and suddenly, Cassia didn’t care about the consequences anymore. Her whole body tensed as she got ready to throw her entire weight against her captor — only to be suddenly frozen in her tracks. Panic shot through her as a familiar, deep voice echoed through her head. 

“Oh, this is a feast.” The fear demon sounded utterly delighted. “Don’t run away from this just yet,” he murmured inside her head. “Fear this strong needs to be embraced. Nurtured. It will make you stronger. It will make _ us  _ stronger. Let it happen!”

“No, nononono,” Cassia muttered in desperation as she tried to move but, much like in the night of her wedding, found herself unable to.

Behind her, Ser Oswald chuckled, seemingly thinking she had been talking to him. “Oh, you say that, but you are suddenly almost pliant,” he noted in a delighted tone. His hold around her loosened, and Cassia wanted nothing more than to break away from him, but as before, no matter how much she willed it, her body didn’t want to obey.

“Could it be you are finally making better choices,” he murmured as he nudged her closer against him. 

To her complete horror, Cassia felt herself follow. Fear and desperation were raging through her, threatening to drown out all her senses as she felt trapped in her own body, being moved like a marionette. 

“This is what I need,” the demon whispered in her mind. “What we  _ both _ need. Your fear burning like a wildfire.” His voice only added to her terror as he continued. “It is pure power,” he said with a purr. “Let us indulge in it!”

Ser Oswald had moved them further to the side, and Cassia felt the bile rise in her throat as he sat down on a chair and drew her sluggishly complying body into his lap. There were several rows of chairs on each side, obviously placed for when a trial had a bigger audience. But today, they seemed to be the only ones. 

“Looks like we are just in time.” A low hum of excitement lay in Ser Oswald’s voice as his arms tightened around her. “They are about to pronounce him guilty of all charges against him.” 

Cassia still couldn’t move, and the way he had faced her, she had no choice but to watch the proceedings going forward. She saw the templar in charge reading out the verdict, but even though she could faintly hear his voice, the words were unintelligible under the sound of her own heartbeat threatening to stifle her.

“You know,” Ser Oswald’s voice cut through the haze, “once it will be done, I was thinking of making him my new private assistant. I’ve heard great things from the Knight-Commander about how practical, how  _ malleable _ tranquil are. How efficient.” His moist breath on her ear sent shivers down her spine as he added, “And he already knows just what to do, no need to train him.” 

Cassia heaved in disgust, her throat constricting as she tried once more to get her body to move, to find an escape somehow, but again, she stayed motionless as the pure disgust caused by his words swept through her. 

“This could be your fate,” the fear demon whispered. “He could do the same to you at any moment.” Cold spikes of dread went through her at each of his words. “But not while I’m around. I can protect us both from this,” he offered a sweet promise right after. “Just like before, I am here for you. All we need is just a little bit more power.”

“I don’t want this,” Cassia whimpered, her voice barely audible, but Ser Oswald heard her well enough.

“Really now?” he asked as he ran his lips over her neck. “And yet you are so remarkably obedient today. It almost feels like you are protesting a little bit too much, hm?” One of his hands started roughly groping her breasts through her clothes while the other went to bunch up the skirt of her dress, trying to find a way underneath.

“I was resigned to doing this the hard way,” Ser Oswald mused as he reached the hem of her skirt and pulled it up to her knee. “But seeing you for once actually doing what’s good for you is making me reconsider.”

“The hard way?” Cassia got out, her voice outright shaking from fear now, and the cruelty in his laugh felt like a knife on her skin.

“I am going to make you one more offer instead,” he said. “Consider it carefully!” His hand reached her thigh, and Cassia would have flinched both in disgust and in pain if she could have as he burrowed his nails into her skin, and she could feel it give.

“I have spoken to Meredith at length, and she agrees,” he said casually as if they were having a completely normal conversation. “You are going to be part of every single one of these trials.” His voice turned harder, full of cruelty as he whispered in her ear once more, “And if you complain or try to get out of even a single one, mark my words, I will make certain that in the next one you will be forced to wield the branding iron by your own hand.” There was nothing but venom dripping from his words as he dragged his nails mercilessly over her skin again, and Cassia knew he was drawing blood as he hissed, “I will brand you to the entire world as the mage who sold out everyone for a fuck from her favorite templar.”

She clenched her eyes shut as she felt Ser Oswald’s hand tense, steeling herself for whatever he was going to do next, but to her surprise, his harsh grip let up somewhat. When he next spoke, his voice was a lot softer.

“Or I could be generous,” he murmured. “Even though you hardly deserve it after slapping my helping hand away so many times…”

Cassia swallowed, her body so tense that she felt like every drag of air into her lungs hurt. “Generous?” she asked tonelessly, only to feel his hand leave her breasts and cradle her face instead.

“Generous,” Ser Oswald agreed. He turned her face enough so she could see his unsettling smile over her shoulder as he elaborated. “I suspect I could ignore your absence in these trials  _ if _ I found you willing and in my office during them instead.”

She had expected him to say something like that, yet hearing the words plainly and out in the open still felt like a shock.

With a quiet tremor in her voice, she asked, “So I either sleep with you or you are turning me into a monster?”

Ser Oswald let out a short but painfully cutting laugh. “Oh, you lovely thing,” he muttered. “You’re a mage.” His fingers gripped her jaw hard enough to bruise as he forced her to look at him. “You are already a monster,” he whispered, hovering close enough so she could feel his uncomfortably warm breath on her face. “I’m offering you a chance to make up for some of it.” His eyes went down to her lips as he slowly licked his own. “I can burn all that pesky magic out of you, and then,” he murmured, his breath going slightly faster, “then you can start to atone for the sins of your existence.”

For a brief, horrifying moment, Cassia thought he would try to kiss her again, but to her relief, he drew back before he leveled her with a cold stare. “So, what will it be?”

She didn’t really have to think about it. “Trials,” Cassia got out between clenched teeth. “I think I’ll take my chances with the trials.” For a moment, the paralyzing fear in her retreated behind the hot blaze of her fury. Anger about this man who tried his best to destroy her life. Fury about the templars that made it possible for him to get away with so much. Fury at herself for getting to make a choice while she had to watch someone else having taken all of his away forever. It burned through her like holy fire, and she twisted her head, ripping herself out of his hold and scrambling to stand up. 

His eyes narrowed dangerously at her as he got up as well. “Suit yourself,” he said sharply. “Let’s see how many of them you can stand to bear before you come crawling to me, begging me to take you away from all this and into my bed instead.”

“You can throw whatever you want at me,” she hissed at Ser Oswald, “but I promise you this, I will  _ never  _ share your bed, not in a million years.” Her eyes were blazing with fury, and her hands balled into fists. “I would sooner end my own life than give you the satisfaction,” she spat.

“We’ll see,” Ser Oswald sneered cruelly. “In fact, we can start seeing about that right now.”

Before Cassia could turn and storm away, he grabbed her arm, and with quick strides, he dragged her with him, right towards the trial. 

“Change of plans,” he called out loudly, making the other templars halt and turn towards them. “We have a volunteer who is just dying to do the procedure.”

Mercilessly, he pulled her along, and Cassia’s eyes widened in horror as she saw the branding iron with the sunburst symbol on it glowing hot read, fully prepared and ready to go. Everything inside her was poised to run, yet her feet carried her along with little hesitation, and the familiar fear from before swelled through her as she moved once more like she was on strings. The demon was back at it at large, and a sliver of desperation went through her, making her consider the unthinkable. But as she was dragged onto the stage, looking into the fear-filled eyes of Alain, she was out of choices.

“Help me,” she whispered tonelessly, beseeching her demon with all her might. “Please, I beg you, if there was any truth to what you said, please, help me!”

A satisfied hum filled her mind as she practically felt the demon spread through her, filling her thoughts with nothing but him. “Oh, how glad I am to have you finally see reason,” he whispered, sounding so satisfied it made her stomach turn again. “But I’m afraid I can’t,” he said, sounding far too gleeful to pass it as regret. “Or rather, I won’t,” he added. “I told you before; we need the fear to grow stronger. Stopping this would not be in my, no, in  _ our  _ best interest.”

Cassia felt the desperation driving tears into her eyes as she almost noticeably shook her head. “No,” she whispered as someone closed her hand around a hard iron rod. “No, please!”

But her body kept moving on its own, obeying a command that wasn’t hers, and her mind was filled with nothing but terror and fear as the demon seemed to wrap itself around it. “Open yourself up to it,” he murmured, “become fear itself. This is for the best, I promise…”

Right then, the snide voice of Ser Oswald cut through the air like a knife as he turned her towards the shaking figure of the mage she owed everything to. “A word of advice,” Ser Oswald said with a pleased sounding tone as he wrapped his arm around her. “Steel yourself. The iron is  _ much _ heavier than it looks.” And with that, his hand clapped firmly around her wrist, guiding her fear-frozen arm until the air was filled with screams and the nauseating smell of burnt flesh.

* * *

The sun was not yet gone, but Kirkwall was already bathed in the warm, yellow-reddish glow of the evening hours. The shadows were at their longest when Cullen hurried through the streets. He moved as quickly as he could without breaking into an outright run. It would not do to cause a scene in the streets, after all, no matter how upset he was and how much everything in him itched to simply sprint through the city.

He couldn’t make his way to Darktown through Adriene’s house. Not when there were still so many people on the streets that it would be almost impossible to go there without being seen. But there were other shortcuts. None as efficient, but they were better than nothing.

He loathed the fact that he wasn’t at home with Cassia right now. A cold fury ran through him at the memory of how he had taken her home shivering and on the verge of a breakdown. How empty her eyes had looked after she had found him in the Gallows. How broken her voice had sounded when she told him in scattered bits and pieces what had happened in the trial chamber.

They both had agreed on one thing though — they could no longer wait for anything worse to happen. They had to act. Cullen had to act. 

Now.

He had asked Fenris to stay with Cassia for a moment while he had changed into more simple clothes before he had been on his way.

To Darktown.

On some days, Cullen couldn’t even see the irony anymore that, somehow, the key to their city's salvation lay there, in the darkest and most desolate parts of it. It should feel strange. Not like a logical conclusion. And yet…

When he finally made it to the clinic’s door, the lantern wasn’t lit. But to his relief, he saw the faint hint of light shine through one of the windows. Anders was still there and Cullen knocked hastily.

“Anders, it’s me, please open up,” Cullen said loud enough so he could be heard inside, and a moment later, he heard the shuffling of a chair and then the blessed sound of a key turning in its lock. 

“Cullen?” Anders greeted him, obviously surprised to see him at his door. “Is something the matter?”

“We can no longer afford to play things safe,” Cullen said without a further hello, the words almost bursting from him. “I want to join your resistance with everything I have. Tell me what I can do!”

For a second, Anders just stared at Cullen, then he made a sharp gesture with his head. “Come in.”

He and Adriene had tried to bring some semblance of order back into the clinic for the better part of the afternoon and evening. The closets were upright again, the broken glass cleaned off the ground, but the signs of destruction were too many to be completely gone. Other than the main door which they only had to put back in, the door to where Alain had had his small private room was gone completely, just splinters hanging from the hinges. Broken cots and other destroyed pieces of furniture were next to it, ready to be used as firewood, shelves that used to be stacked with bandages, herbs, or potions were glaringly empty. They had strewn sand over the blood puddles, but the stench of death was still noticeable underneath the smell of cleansing herbs they had burned. The bodies of the templars Anders had killed were still there, piled in one corner next to the door to be thrown into the harbor once darkness had fallen.

Adriene was sitting at the table on one of the few remaining intact chairs, one hand buried in her hair, bowed over the list of things they needed to buy to enable Anders to reopen the clinic.

“What happened?” she asked, her voice full of worry as Cullen came in.

Anders closed and locked the door behind him, his face still grim.

“What you can do,” he said darkly and without giving Cullen the chance to answer, “is help us get Alain out. Quickly. Tonight.” He pointed at the bodies, his eyes glowing faintly with the light of Justice. “They waited for me. Once it’s clear they failed, they will not be content to have him in chains.”

Cullen swallowed as he slowly took in the destruction around him and his eyes got stuck on the dead bodies. “I am afraid it is far too late for that,” he said heavily, before sinking down onto the next chair.

“What do you mean?” Adriene asked alarmed.

“Ser Oswald had already scheduled him for the rite of tranquility, he was just waiting for Cassia to return to the Gallows, it seems.” 

Something flickered blazingly white around Anders for a second, and every instinct in Cullen screamed at him to reach for his weapon in defense, but he just kept sitting where he was, his shoulders sinking in resignation. A second later, the white retreated, leaving behind a look of utter misery on Anders’ face.

“What,” Anders said tonelessly before he seemed to pick up on another thing Cullen had said. “He made Cassia watch…”

At that, Cullen let out a desperate laugh. “If only,” he said, closing his eyes for a second to take a deep breath. When he looked up again, the words started to spill from his mouth as he explained to Anders and Adriene what exactly had happened earlier in the Gallows. He couldn’t look either of them in the eyes as he recounted every detail Cassia had told him. When he was finally finished, he sighed deeply.

“Meredith kept me behind to go over some of her new regulations,” Cullen explained further. “I had no idea what was going on until Cassia found me after and by then, it was already too late.” His jaw clenched as he finally looked at the other two again.

“ _ I _ was too late. I am so sorry.”

“No.” The word that wrung itself from Adriene’s throat was half sob, half plea, but the utter grief on Cullen’s face told her that it was no use. She reached to grab Anders’ hand, desperate for a hold as black despair welled up in her. Alain… tranquil. By Cassia’s hand.

Anders’ fingers closed tightly around hers, his skin cool and tingling against hers. Justice was close, Adriene could feel it in the current running through the air, in the flickering of flames in Anders’ eyes.

“I am sorry,” Cullen repeated somewhat helplessly.

Anders’ face was hard, nearly stony as he stared at Cullen. “Where is Cassia now?” he asked, his voice tense.

“Home. Fenris is with her,” Cullen answered. “She is… not well.”

Abruptly, Adriene stood, turning away from the table and walking a few steps into the room. Her thoughts were swirling, tears burning hot in the corner of her eyes, and she had one hand pressed against her mouth to keep herself from screaming. Or wailing. Or both.

All the happiness, everything good that had been in those few last weeks, gone. Shattered in the first few hours back in Kirkwall. Bodhan and Sandal, leaving. The clinic destroyed. Justice, furious with her for having taken Anders out of town. Cassia, tortured and threatened, with no hope of reprieve any time soon. Alain, robbed of everything that had made him himself. Everything they had done had been for naught, undone in a few mere weeks. At the thought, something inside her stilled, turmoil turning into frozen determination.  _ No more. _

Something behind her shifted as if a shudder went through the very air, and Adriene knew that Justice was there even before she turned to find his magic flickering over Anders’ skin, ready to flare up.

_ “There can be no more compromise,” _ Anders growled, his voice echoing with Justice’s presence even though his eyes were still his own.

“You were right,” she said quietly but with an iron undertone to her voice, unflinching as he looked at her. “This is war, and there are no breaks in war. So what do we do?”

Anders didn’t answer immediately, and Cullen couldn’t blame him as he saw the man visibly fighting with himself to keep his composure. The demon’s,  _ no,  _ the  _ spirit’s _ voice still rang clearly in his ears. Never in his life would Cullen have believed that a day would come that he would wholeheartedly agree with a creature from the Fade, but here they were. Justice was right. The time for compromises was long past.

“It is clear to me that my position no longer does much to protect Cassia,” Cullen said with a resigned shake of his head. “And both Cassia and I agreed earlier that some things are worth the additional risks. So I am at your disposal. Whatever you need to keep people safe from this, if it’s in my power to grant, you will have it.”

As terrified and as distressed as Cassia had been earlier, she had been very clear on her stance. And as much as Cullen loathed to put her in even more danger, it was clear that what they tried so far hadn't been enough. Would never be enough. 

“We also have to look into other ways of removing Meredith from her position,” he finally said to address the most obvious problem they had. “We might very well succeed with organized intervention from the Chantry in Orlais, but by now, I doubt we have the luxury of waiting to see how that plays out.”

With a pained look on his face, Cullen added, “Kirkwall might not have time, but from what Cassia said about this demon, she certainly has even less time to wait for things to get better.” Her descriptions of the fear demon during the trial, one that only she could hear and see, had sounded almost unbelievable. Yet Cullen had no doubt that Cassia was speaking the truth, even if he could do nothing to prove her right.

“I tested her right away again when she told me, and just like before, I felt nothing. But she is terrified and I know her,” Cullen said, full of conviction. “If she says a demon is there, I believe her.”

“So do I,” Adriene said.

Anders nodded. Justice was still simmering in his eyes, but he seemed more himself as he said, “And if there is a demon, we need to find a way to keep her out of the Gallows.”

Cullen flinched visibly. “I’m not sure there is one,” he said grimly.

“I hate to say it,” Adriene interjected just as dark, “but I don’t think that the demon is her main problem in the Gallows.” The two men looked at her, and she explained, “She was in a trial chamber with various templars; even worse, she was on a fucking templar’s lap and with his hands on her when the demon controlled her.” Her voice was full of cold rage and disgust at the very thought, but she reined herself in to add, “And none of them sensed a single thing amiss.”

Cullen started to say something, only to interrupt himself again with a thoughtful expression.

“I’ve experienced that demon as well,” Adriene said, “and from what I remember, it is both very powerful and very determined to win Cassia over. And apparently, it is able to keep itself hidden from a templar’s senses. It won’t be the reason for whatever will happen to Cassia in the Gallows. Oswald will.” She pressed her lips together as she looked at Cullen. “You should have let me kill him back when I first suggested it.”

“Believe me, you’re neither the first nor the only one to think that,” he answered in a clipped voice, a muscle working in his jaw.

“That is a moot discussion,” Anders interjected sharply. “We need to focus on what we can do now, not what should have been done years ago.” He turned towards Cullen. “Adriene is right about what she says about the demon, but that does not mean we’ll just leave Cassia to it. I know from Ferelden that there are possibilities to rid a mage of possession, but we don’t have the same resources here. I will need access to the Circle’s library, so I can start to work on a solution.”

Slowly, Cullen shook his head. “I’m not sure it’s safe to get you into the library, but I can get you an index of the books we have and then smuggle out the tomes you need. Will that help?”

Anders gave a short nod.

“I need to see Alain,” Adriene said suddenly.

Something of the grim determination on Anders’ face vanished as he looked at Adriene, pain in his eyes. “Don’t,” he said softly. “Don’t do it to yourself.”

But she stubbornly shook her head. “I need to see Alain,” she repeated, crossing her arms in front of her chest. Her eyes went to Cullen. “Can you make that happen?”

Briefly, Cullen looked back and forth between them. He shared Anders’ concern and he was about to back him up when he saw her face. The look on Adriene’s face was as determined as ever, but behind it, he could see her grief and her anger, and the same helplessness he felt within himself. And he knew he couldn't say no to her.

“Of course I can.”

Anders’ brows furrowed but he didn’t say anything further as Adriene gave him a grim nod.

Her words about Oswald were still on his mind. However much Cassia’s descriptions of the demon worried him, Adriene was absolutely right with her assessment of who was the greatest danger to Cassia at the moment. 

“I don’t know what else I can do about Ser Oswald right now,” he admitted. His jaw clenched in anger. “He has used the time we were away well, it seems, ingraining himself more and more with Meredith, and I can’t officially say anything against his threat towards Cassia. In Merediths’ mind, acting out the rite is a sacred duty one should feel honored by.”

He sighed deeply, rubbing a hand over his forehead in frustration. 

“If I object to that, I would officially be questioning her authority. At least I am certain she would perceive it as such. And Meredith has an army on her side that makes the city-guard look like child’s play.”

It seemed inevitable that it would happen someday. That there would come a day where this would be the only way forward, but Cullen shuddered as he thought about what consequences that could have for the entire city. 

“Are they, though?” Adriene asked. “All of them, on her side?”

Anders furrowed his brow as he looked at her. “What are you getting at?”

She made a short gesture with her hand. “We know there are templars that are the worst of the worst, actively going out of their way to torment others, yes. But are they truly the majority of Kirkwall’s templars? Or are the majority soldiers following any orders from a superior — which you also are.” Her gaze turned sharp as she looked at Cullen. “So far, Meredith has deliberately stayed within the templar’s official duties. Edging outside of it, yes, but how many would actually follow her if she openly tried to take the city over? And how many would follow  _ you _ if they are certain you’re actually better suited to do the Chantry’s will?”

Anders took a deep breath. She could see that he did not quite like where she was going with this. “You mean, Cullen should…” he started, and she nodded.

“Should build his own army, yes. You already have support among your people, but you need more.” Another thought came to her, and a dangerous glint was in her eyes as she added, “And talking about the worst of the worst. I still have that dragon in the mine. Since the templars want to make the city safe, maybe a  contingent should try to take care of it.”

“Did you talk to Cassia about this?” Cullen asked, but Adriene shook her head.

“No, why?”

“Because she suggested something remarkably similar.” He shook his head, not liking at all where this was going, even though he could see the reasons behind it.

“Well,” Adriene said dryly and with a smile that didn’t reach her eyes. “Great minds think alike. Or rather, minds under great distress, in this case, I guess.”

“Building an army,” Cullen mused, sure that his unhappiness with both the suggestions was written plainly on his face. “I have a solid contingent of people under my command I'd say I trust in that regard, but not enough to tip the scales.” And there they were at the same point once more. “Everything else needs time, the one thing I fear we no longer have.” 

Suddenly, he could no longer sit still and stood abruptly before he started to pace through Anders’ clinic.

“I just want to get Cassia out of there, safely. But I don’t see any feasible way that would work right now except for making a run for it and that is not an option,” he murmured, almost more to himself than to the other two. He knew they couldn’t run. Cassia would never want to, not even under these dire circumstances, and he knew neither of them would forgive themselves if they just up and left now of all times.

“You know what the worst thing is?” Cullen didn’t wait for either Adriene or Anders to answer before he continued, “Just before I left home to come here, Cassia told me not to worry about her.” There was a painful hitch in his voice. “She is terrified, and I don’t think I have ever seen her in outright fear like I have seen her today. And she tells me not to worry.” He took in a deep breath, but there was nothing relaxing to it. His hands were clenched at his sides as he looked at Adriene. “Cassia insisted she would find a way to deal with all this. Told me we should do whatever we need to and not focus on her.”

It felt ridiculous to repeat her words out loud. As if that were even an option for him.

“I usually know I can trust her when she tells me she can handle something,” Cullen added more quietly. “But I am terrified of what this will do to her if it goes on even longer.”

“Cullen,” Adriene started with a voice full of worry, but he shook his head as he made a decision there and then. No matter how much he didn’t like some plans or ideas, he would find a way to deal with that, too. 

“That dragon in your mine,” he prompted Adriene. “How dangerous is it, exactly?”

She let out a breath before she shrugged. “Well, let’s just say that there’s a reason I haven’t killed it yet.” Cullen frowned at her, and she sighed. “It’s a High Dragon, Cullen, and she’s breeding. I’ve seen her once when I came to scout out the danger and immediately made a run for it. She’s very dangerous, and any try to get the better of her without very thorough preparation is bound to fail.”

Cullen nodded slowly, and she could see his thoughts racing. Exchanging a look with Anders, she took a step towards her brother-in-law. “If it helps you, Cullen,” she said carefully, “we have a list of names.”

“What kind of names?” Cullen drew his eyebrows together.

“Of templars who need to die,” Anders said simply. There was a hard edge to his voice, but he did not waver even under Cullen’s shocked look. “All of them have done things that would be punishable by death,  _ by law, _ if they had done it to anyone but a mage.”

“And yes, Oswald is on the top of that list,” Adriene added equally hard. “And honestly, even if Cassia can handle herself for a while longer, if there is anything I can do to help her, I will. No matter what she says.” She pressed her lips together for a second. “She’s not alone in this. Maybe she can’t see it, but what is happening to her is a part of the whole. Helping her  _ is _ doing what we need to do.”

Cullen swallowed heavily as their words sunk in, wondering briefly if they really were about to do this.

_ There can be no more compromise. _

Those had been Justice’s words, and Cullen knew deep inside that they were true. For years, he had labored hard to find a way. A diplomatic solution. And he knew just as well that Anders had done all this for much longer. He had already been working for years to better things before Cullen had even been close to realizing that he might have been on the wrong side in all of this.

“Get that list to me,” he finally said as something in him hardened with conviction and he looked at Adriene. “Someone needs to file an official complaint about that dragon and phrase it in a way that makes it clear the Kirkwall guard cannot tackle that problem.” It wouldn’t do to put any of them into pointless danger, after all.

Adriene nodded grimly. “I think I can still motivate some nobles to put their signature on that,” she agreed. “And convince Aveline that she surely doesn’t want to send her guards there.”

“There are some other things we need to consider,” Anders spoke up, looking just as determined. “I know you probably want to be home with Cassia as soon as possible, but if we truly want to do this, there are things I need to know from you.”

Anders was right, Cullen wanted nothing more than to hurry home as quickly as possible, but he was here now, and meeting up in secret would only become more and more complicated, he knew. With a sigh, he grabbed the chair again and sat back down.

“Alright, ask whatever you need to know,” he said before he uttered the words that he could have never imagined saying a few years ago. Yet today, they came as natural to him as breathing. “I and everything I know about the Gallows are at your disposal.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Come talk to us on Tumblr

**Works inspired by this one:**

  * [Until The Last Voice Falls Silent](https://archiveofourown.org/works/26524291) by [Elveny](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Elveny/pseuds/Elveny), [Kunstpause](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kunstpause/pseuds/Kunstpause)




End file.
